Separation from partner and the ripple affect...

Tamara - posted on 08/16/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello.

I was wondering if I could get people's thoughts on my situation. Basically my now ex-partner asked me to move out of our home, so I took our son and moved in to my brothers house. He was seeing our son every week since we split up and then he wanted to have him stay the night every two weeks and then he wanted him every three weeks for a whole weekend, without seeing him in between visits. I said no it wasn't good for K (our son) and that he would have to see him more often the every 3 weeks other wise he will forget his daddy and then become unhappy when left alone with him. So he said he would have him for one night every two weeks and face call every night at bed time. My son is 19 months and loves the face calling and asks for his dad if we miss a face call. Face calling has been happening nearly every night since we moved out.
He now says he hasn't the time to face call in the evenings, but still wants him for the night every 2 weeks. I feel that this would not be good for K and that his dad needs to see him more often and keep up the face calling. I have no intention of stopping their relationship and encourage it whenever I can, but since my ex wants to only see him twice a month and not between, I am worried that this will affect our son in a negative way.

I can honestly say I don't know what to do. Any advice/ opinions?

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Michelle - posted on 08/19/2011

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My son only sees his dad every other weekend and has done so since he was 14 months old, there is no interaction between the two of them in between visits because my son doesn't like to talk on the phone. He is now 10 and has a great relationship with his dad they are buddies and that works for them. Pushing his dad to commit to more time then he willingly wants to put in will just make him resent his child I would give him the two weeks and just say please call once a week so he can talk with you. 19 month olds don't have a lot to say so not really a whole lot for him to say.

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My son was 17 months old the first time he had visitation w/ his father. For the next year he had... hard to remember, but I 'think' about half a dozen... maybe 8 visits. His first extended visit (a week) was last December. Then my son didn't see his father til he spent 4 weeks w/ him in July! My son is now almost 3.5 and he knows exactly who his Daddy is (and has every time he's seen him) and loves him very much.

Granted, my son DOES have two big sisters to help w/ the transitions, but kids are very adaptable when they need to be. My kids now only see their father a couple/few times a year and talk maybe once a month (sometimes a bit more).

More visitation would, of course, help build a bigger bond, but unless the man is abusive or a druggie.... as long as he wants SOME involvement, some is better than none cuz if he takes you to court... he'll get visitations anyway. If you can work w/ him and stay out of court.... it'll be better for everyone. I DO think writing up a visitation schedule and having it notarized by the courts is a good idea, but working together is MUCH better than letting a judge decide what happens to your kid.

Katherine - posted on 08/19/2011

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Does he work where his job is keeping him from seeing your son? Or is he just playing games? Have you gone to court? I would write all of this down and keep a record of it. A 19 month old is very impressionable, he will easily get confused. Especially since he only sees daddy twice a month or even once a month.
Write a letter to the court stating your situation and I'm sure they can work something out.

Did you agree to a set time period he would have him? If so and he is not holding up his end of the bargain then I would involve the courts.

That's all the advice I have.

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