Sex before marriage...

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Jenny - posted on 08/22/2009

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Oh please. There is no god. Yes, marriage was invented by humans. I take it you guys haven't heard of Homo neanderthalensis or Homo rhodesiensis? Marriage is a legal contract you sign and turn into your local government, it does not define your commitment to your partner.

Johnny - posted on 08/19/2009

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Most of the sex I had outside of marriage was pretty damn good, so IMHO, it was the best choice. I don't regret it for a second. If you do not hold the same beliefs in god, then you can not sin. Personally, I believe that blind faith is a sinful rejection of logic, but that doesn't mean that those who choose to believe in God are actually sinners. We each make our own choices, I don't normally go around telling people who hold faith that they shouldn't, nor that they should live their lives the way I choose to live mine. I think what the less-religious or non-religious on here are asking for is just respect. If we do not hold biblical scripture as fact, then it really could not be applied to our reality.

The only sexual experience I regret was my first. It was against my will, and that is always wrong. I do not feel guilty about it, the blame entirely falls on the man, but I do wish that it had never happened and that I would have had the opportunity to enjoy (or not) my first time with a man of my CHOOSING. It's about choice. If you don't want to get busy, then keep your legs closed. If you enjoy sex, then go crazy (just use protection).

Jenny - posted on 08/18/2009

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Many of us don't believe in marraige and will never marry. I've had almost 10 years of wonderful pre-marital sex with my partner.

~Jennifer - posted on 08/18/2009

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Sex is an act; marriage is a promise, a commitment to another person.



I don't follow the whole "no sex before marriage" rule as it's nothing more to me than a religious belief....and from a religion that I don't follow.



I would much rather determine my compatibilty with someone in all aspects of life, including sex, before committing myself to that person forever. I would hate to be married to someone if I didn't enjoy them touching me.



I see a lot of "I wish I had waited" comments. Waited for what? Waited for a marriage in which you still discovered that the man was going to leave you and your child anyway, because you obviously weren't compatible? Waited to find out that you're married to someone but always feel like sex is a duty because you don't enjoy it? Or waited to have sex (before marriage) with someone until you found out that he was't the right person for you anyway? I think i't pretty easy to come to the conclusion that, whether you have a child or not, if someone doesn't want to be with YOU, they're going to leave anyway. No amount of sex, or lack of sex, can change a person's desire to walk away.

Samantha - posted on 08/17/2009

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try before you buy, if you buy before you try you might be disappointed :)

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Julie - posted on 08/16/2010

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if its ment to be it will be regardless of if u have sex before or after there are many things that can go wrong in a relationship at any stage of it so its a totally personal choice!



i also think ur a long time dead so enjoy life! if u waited for the right man u could wait forever and die a virgin, even if u wait till after and think ur with mr perfect, whos to say in a couple of years down the line they wont leave u and u have to meet someone new and u cant have ur virginity twice!! so do u spend a lifetime alone??

[deleted account]

I waited until I knew that our relationship was serious. We both lost our virginity at the same time and we are now married, with a son. For me I could never imagine marrying someone whom I had not had sex with. You must be sexually compatible in order for your relaitonship to work properly and I wouldn't take that risk. I don't think it's immoral to ahve sex before marriage but I don't support sleeping around either.

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2010

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It's a personal decision between a couple, it's no one else's business. For myself, I got my curiosity out of the way long before marriage. My ex, however did not, so he had to go.

To each their own, judgements on others are not required.

Rosie - posted on 08/16/2010

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while i don't think it's immoral to have sex before you are married, i don't think it's the smartest thing to do if you are not in a committed relationship. sure it's completely possible to just go have sexual conquests safely and have loads of fun, that is what sex is about after all, but in MY experience, doing that just made me long for a relationship with that person. i couldn't seperate the two, and it hurt when i didn't get a relationship. plus, i've found that sex with a partner that's into you, and committed is a THOUSAND times better.

Jane - posted on 08/16/2010

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There are way too many comments on this thread for me to read them all but for those that waited until they were married, I'd be curious how many are truly sexually satisfied, if they have sex often and if they've ever had an orgasm. I'm not really ASKING anyone to tell me. I just know that there are a lot of women out there that waited until marriage and we've had discussions at book clubs or bunko games where some of these women...mind you in their 30's and 40's who have never experienced an orgasm. That to me is VERY sad and that is not a good sexual relationship.

My try it before you buy it comment is like others say...not sleeping with everyone but if you are in a committed relationship and think you're going to buy, then I think you need to try. And to answer ones question about if I was in love but the sex sucked (not in those exact words) then yeah, I might have to consider sucky sex being a deal breaker because honestly, SATISFYING sex is an important aspect of a marriage. I say satisfying in capitals because there is a huge difference between sex and satisfying sex. Lots of married couples have sex but I know a whole lot of married couples who do not have satisfying sex and that's just sad to me.

Kimberly - posted on 08/16/2010

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"If you are going to have sex though you do have to own up to the responsibility that you may get pregnant. If you're really, totally, absolutely not ready to have a baby you probably shouldn't be having sex!"

are you saying that even a committed couple, let's say one who is married for the sake of argument, who do not desire to ever have children should just abstain for their entire marriage?

Kiley - posted on 09/03/2009

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Well, I agree with testing the waters before you get in too deep but I also believe that you should at least be in a loving relationship before having sex. I do, however, think that it does pose more problems if you have sex before you get married, but not always. If you live with someone and have sex before you get married then you can get to know the person better before. Some think that you don't focus on the important things in the relationship if you have sex first but I disagree. I think it's ultimately up to the couple to decide.

Angie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Sex is a gift from God intended for a married couple. I am a Christian and that is what I believe in and will instill in my children! But as far as what others decide that is between them and God.

Sherry - posted on 09/02/2009

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I had sex first. Its really a personal choice. If you an adult (18 or over) you must think responsibly and use birth control. Theres lots of it out there. Talk to your kids about it starting at an age where they understand and continue through their life until that time comes, dont leave them in the dark because its more likely that birth control wont be used. Dont be afraid to express your point of views on it to your kids. Your opinion matters to them. But I chose to never marry and I dont regret any decision I have made.

Cassie - posted on 09/01/2009

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This debate is not about hetro vs homosexual marriage so that comment is useless to the topic at hand. This is a debate about your views on sex before marriage

Laura - posted on 09/01/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:

I believe in the try before you buy theory, reguardless of what people say sex is a very big part of marriage and if it's not good, if you're a bad fit your marriage will suffer. A relationship shouldn't be based on sex but it should be an important factor. With that said I think it is sweet if you BOTH save yourself for marriage. There is probably nothing better than only being with one person, the purity that comes with that but I also have seen people who have saved themselves, been rushed into marriage and divorced young because it didn't work out. (probably not because of the sex, more to do with the fact they got married so fast so they could have sex)
If you are going to have sex though you do have to own up to the responsibility that you may get pregnant. If you're really, totally, absolutely not ready to have a baby you probably shouldn't be having sex!


I know this post is prob old already, but I wholly agree w/ the last sentence. SO true!

Malissa - posted on 08/22/2009

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No, I don't think have to be married before you have sex. But I do believe that you should truly care for the person you decide to share yourself with (and that they feel the same way towards you). Besides in today's day and age it's easier said than done to get married and stay married. If I waited until I said I do in front of a priest or justice of the peace I'd be a 25 year old virgin (and counting). John and I have been together for 7 years, engaged for 5 years and were supposed to get married 3 years ago but we didn't (had to cancel for financial/personal reasons) but we're just as happy and committed to each other as if we were legally married. (f.y.i. John is my one and only partner)

Chelsea - posted on 08/22/2009

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Quoting Hannah:

Sex before marriage is wrong. It is meant to be a sacred and beautiful thing between husband and wife. It causes SO many problems to have sex before you are married. You create a bond with the person you have sex with whether you want to admit it or not. Also, yes there is the benefit of not having to ever worry about std's if you both waited, and there is baggage if you've had previous partners. My husband and I waited and I am so grateful we did. Had we not it would have created so many problems in our relationship. Also the excuse of hormones is just plain pathetic, show a little self control. If you truly do love each other why can't you wait? No I'm not saying that all those people who have sex before marriage don't love each other, I know at least some of them do. Also, the try before you buy thing is also ridiculous, nice way to catch or spread a disease and spread more of yourself around. Yeah alot of marriages fail from lack of being satisfied, so if you aren't satisfied, practice! It takes time to get to know each others wants, needs and desires. I was a virgin when I married, my husband was not. He regrets it every day, and I have to desperately try to push away thoughts of those other women who had that intimacy with my husband. It brings baggage and hurt, not just for you, but also for your spouse.


i was with and married to the man who i was pretty much first with and all it caused was curiousity towards other people. needless to say we are divorced lol but im proud of a girl who can control herself not many can self cotroi is harder to achieve then people think especially with mental health not on your side!

Chelsea - posted on 08/22/2009

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Im 22 and have two kids i think the whole save it thing is great and all but i dont know any who really follow it i sure didnt

Karen - posted on 08/22/2009

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Sex before marriage is not what causes so many problems. It is refusing to go by God's plan and model for our lives. It starts in the heart. It does not matter whether or not you save yourself till marriage if your heart is wrong and you live selfishly.

I believe it is wrong to have sex before marriage, in any way, because God tells me it is in His word. Not because I want to have a better marriage, or believe that it somehow makes me a better person. I just want to obey God. Obedience is God's Will for my life. I obey Him because I love Him, and I love Him because He first loved me and gave Himself up for me.

John 14:15 If you love me you will obey what I command.
1 John 5:3 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,
2 John 1:6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

Karen - posted on 08/22/2009

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Quoting Quentilla:

Let the Bible be your guide! WAIT! All this 'try before you buy' nonsense is so childish. No wonder this country has such a high divorce rate. People are self-centered with only sex on the brain all the time! It supposed to be LOVE first, then SEX, as sex is a God-given way we show love for our MATE!! What's nice with my husband and I is, because of religious views, we were both virgins when we married. It made our bond SO much closer, our relationship overall is so much closer, and our sex life is so much better for it. Plus there was no baggage, no past sexual relationships hanging over either one of us, no thinking "I wonder if he thinks I'm as good as so-and-so??" Waiting is such a blessing in so many ways. As far as the reasoning that you need to see if you're sexually compatible??? HOGWASH! If you have genuine love for each other, which is SELFLESS, not selfish, you will have an exceptional sex life. Every couple, I don't care who they are, are going to have issues in this area. But when you have unselfish love for each other and put Bible morality first and have God in your marriage, ANY disagreement can be worked out quickly and painlessly because each person cares about the other more than they care about themselves. Having sex before marriage is in my opinion SELFISH, for all the above mentioned reasons. Trust me, it's worth the wait and your bond will be so much stronger for it, besides....there is SO much more to true love than just sex. That's only one part of a happy, healthy, balanced marriage.


I agree, AMEN!! Read Romans 1:18-32 for more insite into this corrupt way of thinking. ;-)



God Bless!

Ivy - posted on 08/22/2009

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Karen said “You cannot silence me, I have the constitutional right to believe what I do, and the constitutional right to defend it. What I believe is the Truth, just like what you believe is the truth. I have as much right to speak as you do.



That is what I would say to you. You said it is a constitutional right. It is about choice and being able to make that choice for oneself. I accidentally said your state was encouraging, but I only meant part of it, the part I highlighted.



There are several reasons why there are so many marriages that break up.

1. people either not getting to truly know the person

2. people change and you may not like the new person

3. based their relationship on sex

4. don't love one another anymore or they never did

5. married for companionship but then found the one

6. cheating

7. And many more reasons



Personally I think many people jump into marriage two quickly and when things aren’t going their way, they decide to get a divorce. I am sure if divorce was as readily available now back in the early days, a lot of people would have been divorced. Back then marriage was a contract between families who treated women as commodities instead of human beings. Men were allowed to vote, beat their wives and squander away the money if he chose to. Marriage was based on how likely the woman was to give the husband male offspring to carry on his lineage. A woman who had sex beforehand, her ability to do so was questioned. Or if she had illegitimate children, then she was either worthless to a man or considered of lower value since she would be dirtying his line.



I am advocating for all women to make sex and other important decisions as their choice. As a woman, I am throwing off the shackles that have enslaved our sex for hundreds of years. My daughter will know right from wrong, how to be independent, and make healthy choices for herself.



No matter what anyways says, I am glad I didn't wait before marriage. Sex to me was extremely painful and not an enjoyable experience. I am glad I got it out of the way so when I met my future husband, I already knew what to expect and how to deal with certain events that were inevitable to happen and how to lessen the pain and discomfort. My husband isn't jealous nor has a problem that I had previous partners. He doesn't have a complex about like some men do. Which I feel sorry for those people because it shouldn't change your love for someone as you are suppose to love your partner unconditionally otherwise you never truly loved him/her. If they do have a problem with it, then obviously they weren't meant to be together.



Homosexual is considered a derogatory name in the gay community.

[deleted account]

On the whole "try before you buy" thing, my aunt saved her self for marriage.

She was married for two to three years but their marriage failed because they were not sexually comptible. My aunt told my cousins to "try before you buy". This was not ment as "sleep with who ever/whenever".

I promised my self that I would save my self for that someone special, I did and I'm not married. My sister on the other hand, was different, lost her's at 16 to a guy she thought loved her. My sister never got the "sex talk" from my parents, and from what I understand is irresponsible with contraception.

[deleted account]

Quoting Hannah:

Sex before marriage is wrong. It is meant to be a sacred and beautiful thing between husband and wife. It causes SO many problems to have sex before you are married. You create a bond with the person you have sex with whether you want to admit it or not. Also, yes there is the benefit of not having to ever worry about std's if you both waited, and there is baggage if you've had previous partners. My husband and I waited and I am so grateful we did. Had we not it would have created so many problems in our relationship. Also the excuse of hormones is just plain pathetic, show a little self control. If you truly do love each other why can't you wait? No I'm not saying that all those people who have sex before marriage don't love each other, I know at least some of them do. Also, the try before you buy thing is also ridiculous, nice way to catch or spread a disease and spread more of yourself around. Yeah alot of marriages fail from lack of being satisfied, so if you aren't satisfied, practice! It takes time to get to know each others wants, needs and desires. I was a virgin when I married, my husband was not. He regrets it every day, and I have to desperately try to push away thoughts of those other women who had that intimacy with my husband. It brings baggage and hurt, not just for you, but also for your spouse.


IMO: I personally don't believe that sex causes SO many problems before marriage. I have been with my parnter (fiancee) for two wonderful years, we have a son together. I was a virgin before I met my partner (I waited until I was 21, and waited for some one who I love).



Lets not forget that sex is not just for heterosexual couples, also homosexuals (they are people too!)

Charlie - posted on 08/22/2009

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Quoting Quentilla:



Quoting Loureen:

Yes we plan on getting married and both of us have had sex before , well obviously we have a child !!! do we worry or think about each others past lovers ? no why would we , we are in love with each other and that's all that matter's , no point dwelling on unimportant thing's .
Sex before marriage only matter's to those who believe in marriage .

There are many long term couples out there who last far longer then a lot of married couples .

Marriage is relatively new when you compare it to how long people have been roaming the earth .

If all our VERY ancient ancestors waited to have sex our species would not be here because marriage hadn't been invented yet .






When do you think marriage was "invented"? It was "invented" if you wanna call it that, by GOD when he made the first man and woman. So actually, it has been around for all time. Just because people came along and messed up his original plan for humans doesn't change that he was the one who instituted marriage and that his plan was for a man and woman to stick together as one....aka, what is known today as marriage.





  That is your beliefs NOT mine .



Believe it or not not everyone shares the same beliefs and faiths , this site is international and it's member's are of all culture's .



That is your point of veiw and i respect that .



What you have posted is right for YOU , i believe in evolution so really the whole god thing is null and void to me .





But that is a whole different subject ; )

Quentilla - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Erin:



Quoting Quentilla:




Quoting Erin:

You know, I had sex with my husband for 6 yrs before we got married, minus the first 7 mos., and NONE of those "what-ifs" would have killed me! Seriously! BFD!!! This sh!t only causes drama if you ALLOW it! If my b/f would have given me an STD then I would know that I could boot his a$$ and would have been quite relieved to find that out before I married him! And just because I'm married does not mean that I am free of worry just the same! Sure I trust my husband, and I bet all those other women who were married for 5+ yrs did to before their husbands cheated on them, or visa versa. I know a lady that was w/her husband for 22 yrs before he cheated on her & left her :( BTW, my relationship wasn't built on sex! As all of you that waited say yours wasn't either. Are you telling me that there is NO issue when there's a dry spell, for either party? ooh, sounds like drama...ahh








How on earth can you say that getting an STD before you married the guy would have been better than waiting because then you would have known you could kick him out??? That has got to be the strangest line of reasoning I have ever heard. Guess what, even after you kick him out you still have the STD, many of which are incurable! (AIDS isn't the only one that's incurable, ya know)








It just cracks me up to hear you say you would have been relieved to find out you had a disease BEFORE you married someone as opposed to after...umm, you still have the disease either way. What about both of you waiting and then, hello, no need to even worry about disease! That whole blood test thing that used to be required...well, let me just say it was nice to marry someone and not even have to ask them first to get a blood test because they'd never been with anyone else. Best feeling in the world to know you're each other's ONLY ONE. You don't know what you're missing.








And by the way, it's not DRAMA...it's MORALS! There's a big difference.










Used to be required... there was no blood test required to get married in my state? Sure sure most STDs are uncurable, that's all well and good, but come on! If I trusted my husband not to have sex w/anyone and I'm not sleeping with him why would I have done that anyway? Then I would have married a creep and found out after I had sex with him, after I signed my marriage license and all for not. Gee, I'm sorry I would MUCH rather find that out first then be soo naieve to think that I, or my spouse, would seriously have waited SIX YEARS to have sex before we got married!






Disregarding people's morals does cause quite a bit of drama! Unfortuntaly we don't all have the same morals!!! If my husband did not hold highly that he should be monogomous in his marriage why that would cause a CRAP LOAD of drama, right? Some men think that sex is JUST SEX and it shouldn't matter that they pass that out whether they're married or not. And I can say ANYTHING I want to make you fall right into my hands if I soo chose to be that kind of person.






And had you paid attention to my post, my husband and I ARE our ONLY partners! I was speaking hypothetically, but thanks! I DO KNOW how absolutely wonderful it is to say that I have only had sex with ONE person, and I can say the same thing for my husband, because I DO trust him and I don't feel I'm missing anything by not having other sex partners. I waited to give myself to the man I was going to marry, I just gave it to him 5 1/2 yrs before we got married! I don't think it's cool to get married at 15 SORRY! And I wouldn't have wanted to get married earlier then I did just because I couldn't hold out no more....






Was just stating my opinion, as were you. Mine is morally based on MY Bible based views, and yes you are right. We all have different views of what morality really means. But that's what I thought we were doing here...having an open discussion about each other's views. I was just expressing my "opinion" once again on your post, so I'm sorry if my opinion on what you wrote offended you.



Nothing will change my views of sex, marriage, or religion....just as I am sure nothing will change yours either. I was just sharing, as everyone else on this thread has been doing openly.



Yeah, I know all about the kind of "men" you're referring to as I have been hit on by married men, some who have the nerve to do it with their wives in the same room. Yeah, sure it's great to know in advance that you're not marrying a creep. All I was saying was I don't (once again my opinion!) believe you have to sleep with someone beforehand to "know" they are not a creep!



By the way, I also disagree with marrying at a young age b/c you feel you can't wait any longer. My husband and I were 24 and 29 respectively when we married, so we weren't exactly young pups, so to speak. I know people who have fallen into that trap (marrying young b/c they're driven by lust) and they're now in unhappy marriages. So no, I don't agree with that, I agree with self-control. Which also adds a lot of benefit to a marriage. Self-control and selflessness are kind of connected and go a long way toward a fulfilling, happy marriage.



And another correction...I didn't say a blood test was required. Yes it was back when my parents married way back in the day. What I meant by what I said was, even IF it was still required, it was nice to get married knowing I didn't need it.



My husband and I dated for nine months before we got married...just in case anyone was wondering. :) We had our first and so far only addition to the family, our beautiful daughter, after we'd been married a year and a half.



I still believe that doing things by the Bible is the best for all involved, and I am not dumb enough to think that everyone else feels the same way. All I have to do is look around me anytime I leave my house to know that most people do not live their lives the way my husband and I do...but once again, I was just adding my two cents, my opinion, as everyone else has been doing.



Didn't mean to offend you once again...just speaking my mind and stating my opinion, which you are more than welcome to disagree with. That's why it's called an opinion, after all. :)



Cheers,

[deleted account]

Quoting Quentilla:



Quoting Erin:

You know, I had sex with my husband for 6 yrs before we got married, minus the first 7 mos., and NONE of those "what-ifs" would have killed me! Seriously! BFD!!! This sh!t only causes drama if you ALLOW it! If my b/f would have given me an STD then I would know that I could boot his a$$ and would have been quite relieved to find that out before I married him! And just because I'm married does not mean that I am free of worry just the same! Sure I trust my husband, and I bet all those other women who were married for 5+ yrs did to before their husbands cheated on them, or visa versa. I know a lady that was w/her husband for 22 yrs before he cheated on her & left her :( BTW, my relationship wasn't built on sex! As all of you that waited say yours wasn't either. Are you telling me that there is NO issue when there's a dry spell, for either party? ooh, sounds like drama...ahh






How on earth can you say that getting an STD before you married the guy would have been better than waiting because then you would have known you could kick him out??? That has got to be the strangest line of reasoning I have ever heard. Guess what, even after you kick him out you still have the STD, many of which are incurable! (AIDS isn't the only one that's incurable, ya know)






It just cracks me up to hear you say you would have been relieved to find out you had a disease BEFORE you married someone as opposed to after...umm, you still have the disease either way. What about both of you waiting and then, hello, no need to even worry about disease! That whole blood test thing that used to be required...well, let me just say it was nice to marry someone and not even have to ask them first to get a blood test because they'd never been with anyone else. Best feeling in the world to know you're each other's ONLY ONE. You don't know what you're missing.






And by the way, it's not DRAMA...it's MORALS! There's a big difference.






Used to be required... there was no blood test required to get married in my state? Sure sure most STDs are uncurable, that's all well and good, but come on! If I trusted my husband not to have sex w/anyone and I'm not sleeping with him why would I have done that anyway? Then I would have married a creep and found out after I had sex with him, after I signed my marriage license and all for not. Gee, I'm sorry I would MUCH rather find that out first then be soo naieve to think that I, or my spouse, would seriously have waited SIX YEARS to have sex before we got married!



Disregarding people's morals does cause quite a bit of drama! Unfortuntaly we don't all have the same morals!!! If my husband did not hold highly that he should be monogomous in his marriage why that would cause a CRAP LOAD of drama, right? Some men think that sex is JUST SEX and it shouldn't matter that they pass that out whether they're married or not. And I can say ANYTHING I want to make you fall right into my hands if I soo chose to be that kind of person.



And had you paid attention to my post, my husband and I ARE our ONLY partners! I was speaking hypothetically, but thanks! I DO KNOW how absolutely wonderful it is to say that I have only had sex with ONE person, and I can say the same thing for my husband, because I DO trust him and I don't feel I'm missing anything by not having other sex partners. I waited to give myself to the man I was going to marry, I just gave it to him 5 1/2 yrs before we got married! I don't think it's cool to get married at 15 SORRY! And I wouldn't have wanted to get married earlier then I did just because I couldn't hold out no more....

Quentilla - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Loureen:

Yes we plan on getting married and both of us have had sex before , well obviously we have a child !!! do we worry or think about each others past lovers ? no why would we , we are in love with each other and that's all that matter's , no point dwelling on unimportant thing's .
Sex before marriage only matter's to those who believe in marriage .

There are many long term couples out there who last far longer then a lot of married couples .

Marriage is relatively new when you compare it to how long people have been roaming the earth .

If all our VERY ancient ancestors waited to have sex our species would not be here because marriage hadn't been invented yet .



When do you think marriage was "invented"? It was "invented" if you wanna call it that, by GOD when he made the first man and woman. So actually, it has been around for all time. Just because people came along and messed up his original plan for humans doesn't change that he was the one who instituted marriage and that his plan was for a man and woman to stick together as one....aka, what is known today as marriage.

Quentilla - posted on 08/21/2009

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Quoting Erin:

You know, I had sex with my husband for 6 yrs before we got married, minus the first 7 mos., and NONE of those "what-ifs" would have killed me! Seriously! BFD!!! This sh!t only causes drama if you ALLOW it! If my b/f would have given me an STD then I would know that I could boot his a$$ and would have been quite relieved to find that out before I married him! And just because I'm married does not mean that I am free of worry just the same! Sure I trust my husband, and I bet all those other women who were married for 5+ yrs did to before their husbands cheated on them, or visa versa. I know a lady that was w/her husband for 22 yrs before he cheated on her & left her :( BTW, my relationship wasn't built on sex! As all of you that waited say yours wasn't either. Are you telling me that there is NO issue when there's a dry spell, for either party? ooh, sounds like drama...ahh



How on earth can you say that getting an STD before you married the guy would have been better than waiting because then you would have known you could kick him out??? That has got to be the strangest line of reasoning I have ever heard. Guess what, even after you kick him out you still have the STD, many of which are incurable! (AIDS isn't the only one that's incurable, ya know)



It just cracks me up to hear you say you would have been relieved to find out you had a disease BEFORE you married someone as opposed to after...umm, you still have the disease either way. What about both of you waiting and then, hello, no need to even worry about disease! That whole blood test thing that used to be required...well, let me just say it was nice to marry someone and not even have to ask them first to get a blood test because they'd never been with anyone else. Best feeling in the world to know you're each other's ONLY ONE. You don't know what you're missing.



And by the way, it's not DRAMA...it's MORALS! There's a big difference.

Quentilla - posted on 08/21/2009

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Let the Bible be your guide! WAIT! All this 'try before you buy' nonsense is so childish. No wonder this country has such a high divorce rate. People are self-centered with only sex on the brain all the time! It supposed to be LOVE first, then SEX, as sex is a God-given way we show love for our MATE!! What's nice with my husband and I is, because of religious views, we were both virgins when we married. It made our bond SO much closer, our relationship overall is so much closer, and our sex life is so much better for it. Plus there was no baggage, no past sexual relationships hanging over either one of us, no thinking "I wonder if he thinks I'm as good as so-and-so??" Waiting is such a blessing in so many ways. As far as the reasoning that you need to see if you're sexually compatible??? HOGWASH! If you have genuine love for each other, which is SELFLESS, not selfish, you will have an exceptional sex life. Every couple, I don't care who they are, are going to have issues in this area. But when you have unselfish love for each other and put Bible morality first and have God in your marriage, ANY disagreement can be worked out quickly and painlessly because each person cares about the other more than they care about themselves. Having sex before marriage is in my opinion SELFISH, for all the above mentioned reasons. Trust me, it's worth the wait and your bond will be so much stronger for it, besides....there is SO much more to true love than just sex. That's only one part of a happy, healthy, balanced marriage.

Brandie - posted on 08/21/2009

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I think it is totally up to you. My husband and I were each others first,and we have been together ever since. We were not married at the time, and I am actually glad we did, and glad we lived together before we got married. I swear, if I wouldn't lived with him before I married him, I probably wouldn't of stayed with him. But, I have no regrets about the sex thing. We got pregnant six months after we got married, we only got pregnant when we tried, there is plenty of protection for people that are not trying to get pregnant..and having sex before and after they get married.

[deleted account]

In hindsight, I would say no..but I can't be a hypocrite, lol...I do think that a man respects you less if you jump in the sack with him..

Nancy - posted on 08/21/2009

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Because of my belief, I tried very hard to stick to no sex before marriage. I waited a long time but i did have sex before marriage and i ended up pregnant as soon as i did. I love my son, me and his father (my first and only partner) are not together and we are good parents to my son but sometime our relationship is so off the wall and i feel that i would have waited, i wouldnt have this kind of struggle with him or the guy i was married to. We would still probably have problems but not the that im having now with my son father....

[deleted account]

You know, I had sex with my husband for 6 yrs before we got married, minus the first 7 mos., and NONE of those "what-ifs" would have killed me! Seriously! BFD!!! This sh!t only causes drama if you ALLOW it! If my b/f would have given me an STD then I would know that I could boot his a$$ and would have been quite relieved to find that out before I married him! And just because I'm married does not mean that I am free of worry just the same! Sure I trust my husband, and I bet all those other women who were married for 5+ yrs did to before their husbands cheated on them, or visa versa. I know a lady that was w/her husband for 22 yrs before he cheated on her & left her :( BTW, my relationship wasn't built on sex! As all of you that waited say yours wasn't either. Are you telling me that there is NO issue when there's a dry spell, for either party? ooh, sounds like drama...ahh

Tiffany - posted on 08/21/2009

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Me and my husband waited until we were married before we had sex. Sex is not the thing do base your relationship on bc when that is gone then what do you have? That is the FIRST thing to go. Then what you have is something special. Sex before marriage just causes drama. Then you have more things to worry about What if I'm pregnant? What if I have an STD? What if he leaves me? aren't there enough "what ifs?" in this world? Why add more to the list?

Malinda - posted on 08/21/2009

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It's hard to argue with the risks of pre-marital sex in terms of STDs and pregnancy. However, I think that a healthy marriage comes from knowing yourself well enough to build a good partnership with your spouse. The relationships I had before I met my husband played a huge role in being able to be the wife I am to him, and vice versa. That includes what we learned about ourselves being sexual with those people. I can't regret that.



I will teach my children that sex is not something you go into lightly - that one should go into it seeking real connection with another person and not just a physical release (which can just as easily be attained alone). However I will not preach abstainance to them or insist that they save themselves for marriage. I am raising adults who need to be allowed to make their own adult choices.

Donna - posted on 08/21/2009

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i wasnt being sarcastic , i really have been with my partner for 18 yrs it was suppose to be funny . we arent in any rush to get married as the saying goes if isnt broke why fix it .
we are very happy and dont see the need to get married

Charlie - posted on 08/20/2009

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I love (sarcastic) how people think just because your unmarried you must be pitiful , man pleasing and have low self esteem and be sleeping with EVERYONE !! PUH-LEAS!

NOT everyone wants to or needs to get married , We dont all have the same beliefs .

I am sure Every mother on COM who is unmarried would find that quite offensive , and quite frankly from what i can see many of these women have been with their partners for longer than some of the married couples .

A union of souls needs no fancy dress , rings or a piece of paper .



Please stop pigeon holing every single un-married mother .



before throwing wild accusations around insinuating you know ALL about their lives Maybe get to know every unmarried woman on COM and their stories , know the FACT"S before hand .

Donna - posted on 08/20/2009

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i have been with my partner for 18 yrs we havent got around to getting married yet , im glad we didnt wait till we got married other wise he might have left me or i would have to explaine where our 3 children came from

Emily - posted on 08/20/2009

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I am currently engaged. We didn't wait, but I don't regret it. Our daughter was a result of contraception going wrong but I wouldn't change her for the world and I wouldn't do things differently. We were actually due to get married last July but have postponed until our daughter is old enough to understand.

Firebird - posted on 08/20/2009

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Quoting Cassie:

A question for the ladies who believe in "try before you buy." What if you are absolutely head over heels in love with your boyfriend but then find that he is lousy in bed. Do you leave him? I believe that performance in the bedroom is something that can be worked on if you truly love one another. The important part of a marriage is communication. If you are really able to communicate with your husband, you will be able to work through difficulties in the bedroom. I just don't think the "try before you buy" should ever apply to the man you love. JMO


If your man is lousy in bed but you stay with him and marry anyways, you KNOW you've got something special. Men and women can be easily trained in the art of lovemaking.  Many people will leave someone because of lousy perfomances but's probably their loss. I don't see it as a good reason to end a real, loving relationship when there is sooo much help for it these days (eg. therapy, books) if that's the cause of a break up then someone didn't truly love their partner. However if you "try before you buy" so to speak, you know what you're getting into and that it's an area of your marriage that can be worked on. If you wait until you're married and have these big expectations for a stellar night and it turns out to be "lousy" you may feel let down and probably a little shocked. When people are disappointed they don't always think "Hey! We can fix this!" they'll often think that they made a mistake and never really do anything to fix the problem (that's kind of the point I'm getting at with my rambling). If 2 people love eachother then in the end it's really up to them whether or not to wait.

[deleted account]

Quoting Nancy:

Erinn, depends on a lot of factors: your personal views and beliefs, your maturity level, your finacial statis, your living situation and most importatly if you LOVE the person and they LOVE you equally. Don't do it because of the heat of the moment or you will be disappointed everytime!!!! Good Luck!



I just want to add Erinn, I was 16 when I got married and have been married for 18 years...we did have sex before marriage but I am not a "typical" person and we met in church..We did AND will  have plenty of trials in our marriage. Everyone does...(we have four boys and hoping for more...) ~ It Depends on what your "heart" tells you and what other circumstances surround your case...everyone can tell you "don't buy the car, unless you take it for a test drive" (which could be good and bad..depending on where your faith is..and what you want for your future..) or "wait until your married" (which also could be good and bad..because what if you find out...your not sexually compatable...and you both will be disappointed) Then again, atleast you know, if you wait, your relationship has a high chance of lasting forever and you will probably have less trials...because you will know more about each other and it will not just be about sex....Eventually..we all "stop having sex" sometime in our lives or go through dry spells...are you ready for that...can you handle that? Can he...? This  IS YOUR choice right now...go with what you feel sweetie....you already know in your heart what you want and as long as your TRUE to YOURSELF.....is the MOST important thing! ~~ In my opinion...LET ME ASK:  Can you imagine what kind of SEX you will have on your wedding night if you wait...Ka POW!! Is all I can say=) Wish I had waited...but don't regret it..  Take Care Sweetie...you will be just fine =)

Samantha - posted on 08/19/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

Our young ladies today have very little self worth. They believe you must have sex to "get the boy" Or to "Be loved" If you are worth more than that why give it out so freely? I wish we could be a society that believes in abstinence, mainly because we have become such a sexual society, that we are so wrapped around the idea that marriage is about good sex, only?? Sure it's important, but how many guys do you really have to give yourself to to find the right one? Yet the guys have no respect for you because you gave in, and gave out. What are we teaching our girls? We should be more interested in teaching them how to respect themselves, and show them that if you wait you will receive a great reward, Your Self Worth! Aren't we all worth more?


ergh i had a bf for 6 months and i didnt have sex with him at all and im 23.just cos hes your bf doesnt mean you have to go and have sex with him  the ones who dont have self worth are the ones who sit at the pub , fri , sat and prob even sunday night getting drunk , picking fights and running around with no knickers on. Sexual society? sex isnt ment to be a taboo. this isnt the 1950s ., there are many factors in a satisfying marriage. you could have a young couple 17-18 yr olds get married and find they are happy together forever but have a 40 yr old couple only to last 5- 10 yrs. marriage and sex on society are more of magazines telling us what is ment to be good , bad or decieving. But decent sex in a marriage is probably good.  but other factors like communication , trust and loyalty comes into play aswell. If my daughter had sex to please a guy id be heartbroken and im not a religious person. { ie the pagan line ok from my 23 yrs of life experience and no im not going to give a page number , line , paragraph or any religious scripture to back this up and from the basic understanding it did go in better light than other religions } At this moment in time as she is only 5 and im sure by the teens im ordering chastity belts before her first day of highschool but i would try to educate her to the best of my ability on all subjects from sex to abortion to illegal drugs to why her father wont put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. information is knowledge and knowledge is power, straight forward direct and no rosecolored is probably the better approach to this subject.

[deleted account]

Erinn, depends on a lot of factors: your personal views and beliefs, your maturity level, your finacial statis, your living situation and most importatly if you LOVE the person and they LOVE you equally. Don't do it because of the heat of the moment or you will be disappointed everytime!!!! Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2009

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Our young ladies today have very little self worth. They believe you must have sex to "get the boy" Or to "Be loved" If you are worth more than that why give it out so freely? I wish we could be a society that believes in abstinence, mainly because we have become such a sexual society, that we are so wrapped around the idea that marriage is about good sex, only?? Sure it's important, but how many guys do you really have to give yourself to to find the right one? Yet the guys have no respect for you because you gave in, and gave out. What are we teaching our girls? We should be more interested in teaching them how to respect themselves, and show them that if you wait you will receive a great reward, Your Self Worth! Aren't we all worth more?

Sharon - posted on 08/19/2009

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I'm fine. Just making a point. I have no idea what her issue is or why she felt the need to single out my definition of bedhopping. Personally I think she feels bad. But honestly I don't know her from Paris Hilton and I don't care.

~Jennifer - posted on 08/19/2009

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting Jessica:




Quoting Sharon:





Quoting Jessica:






Quoting Sharon:

I think waiting till you're married is a good thing.

But it rarely happens anymore. I don't agree with the try before you buy either. What are you supposed to be doing? humping every man/woman you come across trying to find one that trips your trigger is just whorish.

If you're in a longterm committed relationship and you feel safe with this person - then by all means have PROTECTED sex with them
. One night stands and knowing someone for 30 days is not a longterm relationship.











Hi, Just wanted to say that try before you buy does not mean you sleep with every one you meet. If you are thinking of buying then you are already in a serious relationship, in which case you try, safely. If your not thinking of buying then you don't try. Just my opinion.















Um Jessica - I have no idea how long you've been on the board, but I've read plenty of posts where girls here have been bedhopping with a vengeance with various ramifications.   












I have highlighted a part of your first statement which is basically the same as what I have said. And I have been on COM's for a while, also just because a few women who have sex before they are married sleep around alot does not mean that every woman who has sex before marraige is the same. I'm not married, I'm 20, I've slept with 2 people, the first I was 8 months into the relationship and was with him for a further 9 months. The second was 6 months into the relationship and was with him for another year and a half. I haven't slept with anybody since we split up. I am not a "bedhopper". When I get into a relationship I don't just fall into bed with them. I get to know them, make sure I'm not making a mistake with sleeping with them, making sure I'm not making myself to vulnerable to attack. How do I know whether they just wanna sleep with me or they actually want a relationship with me? That's easy, they are willing to hold out for a while. I don't know if you intended it this way but you have come across condescending and I really don't appreciate that.










Honest to god Jessica WTH directed my post AT you?  I sure as fornication and damnation didn't.  If you say you were in a loving and committed relationship all 5000 times you had sex  FINE.  Geezus h christ on a stick get over yourself.






Sharon, I love ya dearly, you know that...but tone it down a bit, ok?

Sharon - posted on 08/19/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Sharon:




Quoting Jessica:





Quoting Sharon:

I think waiting till you're married is a good thing.

But it rarely happens anymore. I don't agree with the try before you buy either. What are you supposed to be doing? humping every man/woman you come across trying to find one that trips your trigger is just whorish.

If you're in a longterm committed relationship and you feel safe with this person - then by all means have PROTECTED sex with them
. One night stands and knowing someone for 30 days is not a longterm relationship.









Hi, Just wanted to say that try before you buy does not mean you sleep with every one you meet. If you are thinking of buying then you are already in a serious relationship, in which case you try, safely. If your not thinking of buying then you don't try. Just my opinion.












Um Jessica - I have no idea how long you've been on the board, but I've read plenty of posts where girls here have been bedhopping with a vengeance with various ramifications.   









I have highlighted a part of your first statement which is basically the same as what I have said. And I have been on COM's for a while, also just because a few women who have sex before they are married sleep around alot does not mean that every woman who has sex before marraige is the same. I'm not married, I'm 20, I've slept with 2 people, the first I was 8 months into the relationship and was with him for a further 9 months. The second was 6 months into the relationship and was with him for another year and a half. I haven't slept with anybody since we split up. I am not a "bedhopper". When I get into a relationship I don't just fall into bed with them. I get to know them, make sure I'm not making a mistake with sleeping with them, making sure I'm not making myself to vulnerable to attack. How do I know whether they just wanna sleep with me or they actually want a relationship with me? That's easy, they are willing to hold out for a while. I don't know if you intended it this way but you have come across condescending and I really don't appreciate that.






Honest to god Jessica WTH directed my post AT you?  I sure as fornication and damnation didn't.  If you say you were in a loving and committed relationship all 5000 times you had sex  FINE.  Geezus h christ on a stick get over yourself.

Kristi - posted on 08/19/2009

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No problems with it, at least until my five year old asked me how I had her when I just got married this past spring

~Jennifer - posted on 08/19/2009

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Quoting Karen:



Quoting Jenn:




Quoting Karen:





Quoting Jenn:






Quoting Jessica:







Quoting Karen:








Quoting samantha:

When my kid is old enough she will get an in depth talk about sex , diseases and relationships to the best of my ability. EDUCATION is the key not religion. imo { in my opinion } sex to do with religion is a tad strict but atleast pagan makes it beautiful. but over all educate your kids. the schools do a half arsed job,















Pagan makes it beautiful? Try reading Song of Solomon. God created the physical relationship between man and woman, and only within the bonds of HIS plan is anything ever beautiful.
















 





















Hi Karen,














I understand that you believe in a God and that you believe in the bible, that's your religion, but to slate another person's belief's is wrong. I'm an athiest yet you don't see me shouting down every religious person I meet. Different people have different views, but that doesn't mean we can go around looking down our nose's at others and their belief's.



















Agreed. 












It's very difficult to have a conversation with someone who cannot accept another person's beliefs, and assumes that everyone should think the way that they do.















Scriptural proof was requested. It was given. I can accept your choice to believe what you want. But you also must accept my choice to beleive what I do as well.













I fully accept your beliefs, but I did not see the person referring to Paganism request scriptural proof, although I do notice that most of your replies involve scripture.








What I am saying, is that it's difficult to have a CONVERSATION with a person when most of their replies constitute references to Biblical text as law if the person on the other end of the conversation doesn't feel that way. 








To completely disregard another person's beliefs (which you did by saying that only "God's" plan can make things beautiful) is not conducive to a two sided discussion, but rather just a different way of saying that only your thoughts and beliefs matter to the conversation at hand.









This is getting off topic.






What I will say is asking a person who is a believer not to use scripture to defend their position is like asking a history major not to use history to prove Abraham Lincoln's assasination.






I state Biblical fact. Whether or not you accept it is your choice. I do not have to answer to God for you, just the message I convey to you. You can not silence me, I have the constitutional right to believe what I do, and the constitutional right to defend it. What I believe is the Truth, just like what you believe is the truth. I have as much right to speak as you do. It is just as difficult to speak to an Athiest that expects you to put your beliefs aside to have a conversation with them.






 






My position is that it is against God's moral law to have sex before marriage. I have supported it with scripture. He gives us these laws for our own good, and for His glory. Just like a father, he cares for us and wants what is best for us. Sex outside of marriage, between man and woman, is a sin becuas it is not what is best. Period.






in your view*

Karen - posted on 08/19/2009

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Quoting Jenn:



Quoting Karen:




Quoting Jenn:





Quoting Jessica:






Quoting Karen:







Quoting samantha:

When my kid is old enough she will get an in depth talk about sex , diseases and relationships to the best of my ability. EDUCATION is the key not religion. imo { in my opinion } sex to do with religion is a tad strict but atleast pagan makes it beautiful. but over all educate your kids. the schools do a half arsed job,













Pagan makes it beautiful? Try reading Song of Solomon. God created the physical relationship between man and woman, and only within the bonds of HIS plan is anything ever beautiful.














 


















Hi Karen,












I understand that you believe in a God and that you believe in the bible, that's your religion, but to slate another person's belief's is wrong. I'm an athiest yet you don't see me shouting down every religious person I meet. Different people have different views, but that doesn't mean we can go around looking down our nose's at others and their belief's.
















Agreed. 










It's very difficult to have a conversation with someone who cannot accept another person's beliefs, and assumes that everyone should think the way that they do.












Scriptural proof was requested. It was given. I can accept your choice to believe what you want. But you also must accept my choice to beleive what I do as well.










I fully accept your beliefs, but I did not see the person referring to Paganism request scriptural proof, although I do notice that most of your replies involve scripture.






What I am saying, is that it's difficult to have a CONVERSATION with a person when most of their replies constitute references to Biblical text as law if the person on the other end of the conversation doesn't feel that way. 






To completely disregard another person's beliefs (which you did by saying that only "God's" plan can make things beautiful) is not conducive to a two sided discussion, but rather just a different way of saying that only your thoughts and beliefs matter to the conversation at hand.





This is getting off topic.



What I will say is asking a person who is a believer not to use scripture to defend their position is like asking a history major not to use history to prove Abraham Lincoln's assasination.



I state Biblical fact. Whether or not you accept it is your choice. I do not have to answer to God for you, just the message I convey to you. You can not silence me, I have the constitutional right to believe what I do, and the constitutional right to defend it. What I believe is the Truth, just like what you believe is the truth. I have as much right to speak as you do. It is just as difficult to speak to an Athiest that expects you to put your beliefs aside to have a conversation with them.



 



My position is that it is against God's moral law to have sex before marriage. I have supported it with scripture. He gives us these laws for our own good, and for His glory. Just like a father, he cares for us and wants what is best for us. Sex outside of marriage, between man and woman, is a sin becuas it is not what is best. Period.

Summer - posted on 08/19/2009

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To be honest, I was active before I got married. If I could do it again, I would hope I would be smarter and wait. A relationship based on sex really isn't a good way of having a marriage. I know I have one. Besides, you learn more about someone who is really into you as a person and not just into you for your parts.

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