Sex, Or lack of it!

Sarra - posted on 01/02/2010 ( 53 moms have responded )

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my baby is almost 8 months old and I still have no desire to be with my husband sexually what so ever, don't get me wrong I love him. I just don't want to be close to him, I don't like being touched by him it makes my skin crawl. And when we are intimate, he can totally since that im just not into it. I don't know what to do, can having a baby destroy your sex drive. Does some part of me resent him...I just don't know. All I know is I love him and I love our baby, but I don't love sex. HELP!

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Karen - posted on 01/02/2010

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I'm experiencing the same thing, i'm just not interested in sex. I read somewhere that it's because you're all touched out with holding baby and little hands touching you all day, so when it gets to night and baby is asleep the last thing you want is someone else touching you, which kinda makes sense. Either that or hormones.
Date night sounds like a good idea also talking to your husband he'll understand if you explain it.

Karen - posted on 01/05/2010

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I don't know if I am allowed to do this, but there is two websites which might help, they are Christian based which I have personal belief in but besides that it doesn't promote sex negatively, raunchy or wrong, VERY INFORMATIVE, These websites are christiannymphos.org and themarriagebed.com. Enjoy practicing!!!!

[deleted account]

I am kinda in the same situation. My baby is 3 months old now, but it has been a year since I have had sex, now my husband wants to take the car out for a test drive. I love him, but don't want to be near him. How can you miss how sweet cake tastes when you have not had a bite of it in so long? My husband feels weird having sex while I'm preggers & it did not help that I got really big really fast, not fat per say, but I had a 10lb baby in a small frame. To his rescue I get really sick while I'm pregnant, I work full time, and I am the primary care giver to all living things in our household including him.



I have fallen off the bike & forgotten how to ride. I know I need to put back on my helmet & just go for a ride, I'd probably like it, but I avoid it at all costs. I have really stopped caring about sex right now. My husband has turned into the what about me phase, he feels left out & jealous of all the attention I shower the kids with. I too have honestly felt a little grossed out by my husband & he is a hot sexy man. Here it is, I can't even find time to wash my hair or brush my teeth with a 22 month old & a 3 month old. Sleep is my new sex, I just want sleep & some time for personal hygiene!



It does not help that my husband expects me to act like some sort of ego boosting sex vixen when we do the little mating dance. He would honestly let both children scream at the top of their lungs so he could have a little monkey bussiness.



Right now our 22 month old sleeps in bed with us & the 3 month old co-sleeps next to me, oh how that sets the mood. How do you find the time to make the hubby happy with kids chasing you around the house (meet you in the hall closet for 5 minutes?)?



I have no idea how that Duggar woman with 18 kids does it, but Sarra I am feeling the same way you do, and I have felt that way before with my 1st baby. Sometimes you just have to get back on the bike and go for a ride.

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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I have no help for you but i'm curious to see what responses will be.



The only thing I can recall about this is that sometimes women disassociate their bodies from sexual to mother and its hard to switch back.



In which case, maybe non sexual but sensual play is needed?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

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Stephanie - posted on 06/02/2013

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I agree it is probably hormonal but, part of it may be that he or you are not working on getting you turned on and ready. Attitude is important too. Even if you don't really think you want it, pamper yourself, try to make yourself feel and smell like you want your husband to make love to you. It may be hard but, try it. I don't shave or wax my pubic area but, if you have in the past (before the baby) do it again now. Get out of the sweats and wear something you like is sexy. Put a little perfume on and maybe even do a little self play before you see him but, I would avoid finishing. This will hopefully get you all warm and wet and because you did not finish yourself you will be more likely to want him to take care of it for you. He does need to do his part by being clean and smelling good too. If you just can't do something don't. If you have in the past enjoyed him performing orally on you then maybe tell him that you want him to me your slave for the evening and he needs to go down there and pleasure his queen. If you want to do something for or with him then do it but, if he wants a blowjob and you don't want to give him one then tell him that today is all about he pleasuring you and if he is really good at it, you may return the favor another time. Make sure that your baby is taken care of or asleep but, make your husband beg to be with you and let him know in advance that he is there to pleasure you not the other way around. Who knows you may get more excited than you think you could.
Good Luck,
Stephanie

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2010

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For some, birth and the "aftermath" weighs heavily on the sex drive. Your hormones and the fact that you are worn out play a huge role also. Talk to your husband and let hime know how you feel, and talk to your doctor. For some women, it can take up to two years to get their drive back to half of what it was before. Also, you may not want sex, and there are days where none at all is the way you feel, let him know that it isn't the night, and try to make yourself feel comfortable with letting him enjoy himself. That may be getting handy work from you, or watching a movie for himself, or even letting him do the deed while you pretend to be elsewhere in your mind. It will come back, it just takes time, plus.....don't let it weigh to heavily on your mind. **if you are taking any post-pardem depression meds, those can be your problem in a big way.

Krista - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting dana:

I've been reading these posts and am shocked that so many women are having this issue. I urge you all to see your doctor and get to the bottom of this. Even the best of men CAN NOT go for months or past a year with no sex, they will find it somewhere. I'm not trying to be a jerk or scare people, it's just a fact and I truly do worry for some of these marriages.
Now this may seem insane right now but, talk to your husband, have him try to be more romantic and.....have sex every day. That's the insane part, I know. The more you are intimate, the better it will become. I'm not saying rush into sex everyday with gritted teeth, I'm saying take it slow, foreplay, *make* it fun. Maybe start with just intimacy, some laughter, some fun and progress from there each day until you *do* have sex. Hell, throw a glass of wine in there too! I mean drink wine not throw it on your partner. lol

In all seriousness, this *is* serious. To have a healthy child you need to have a healthy relationship with your partner.


True...sometimes, if I'm really, really tired, I just don't feel like it, but give it a whirl anyway. And 100% of the time, I'm glad I did. :) 

Rosie - posted on 01/05/2010

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i feel this way sometimes to, i am different though when we are actually having sex i enjoy it immensely. i had a period where i felt like i was doing alot of things around the house and with the baby and i felt like he wasn't doing his share and i resented him alot. as a result of that i didn't want to be close to a man that i thought didn't invest his energy into our family. we talked about things and found out alot of things from it. you should talk to him about how you are feeling and hopefully things will turn around for ya!

Stephanie - posted on 01/05/2010

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my youngest is 5yo andi still have no sexual desire! before we had kids we would have sex every night! now we schedule days to have sex just to make him happy! he thinks its him but i really dont know what the problem is! i hope u get ur sex drive back! i know that i was no help but i guess it just happens and i believe it definately has to do with kids and hormones!

Lindsay - posted on 01/05/2010

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Quoting dana:

I've been reading these posts and am shocked that so many women are having this issue. I urge you all to see your doctor and get to the bottom of this. Even the best of men CAN NOT go for months or past a year with no sex, they will find it somewhere. I'm not trying to be a jerk or scare people, it's just a fact and I truly do worry for some of these marriages.
Now this may seem insane right now but, talk to your husband, have him try to be more romantic and.....have sex every day. That's the insane part, I know. The more you are intimate, the better it will become. I'm not saying rush into sex everyday with gritted teeth, I'm saying take it slow, foreplay, *make* it fun. Maybe start with just intimacy, some laughter, some fun and progress from there each day until you *do* have sex. Hell, throw a glass of wine in there too! I mean drink wine not throw it on your partner. lol

In all seriousness, this *is* serious. To have a healthy child you need to have a healthy relationship with your partner.



I totally agree with everything Dana has said. The moer you have sex with your partner, the moe you will want it. Ignoring the problem will do nothing but break the relationship up....

Dana - posted on 01/05/2010

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I've been reading these posts and am shocked that so many women are having this issue. I urge you all to see your doctor and get to the bottom of this. Even the best of men CAN NOT go for months or past a year with no sex, they will find it somewhere. I'm not trying to be a jerk or scare people, it's just a fact and I truly do worry for some of these marriages.
Now this may seem insane right now but, talk to your husband, have him try to be more romantic and.....have sex every day. That's the insane part, I know. The more you are intimate, the better it will become. I'm not saying rush into sex everyday with gritted teeth, I'm saying take it slow, foreplay, *make* it fun. Maybe start with just intimacy, some laughter, some fun and progress from there each day until you *do* have sex. Hell, throw a glass of wine in there too! I mean drink wine not throw it on your partner. lol

In all seriousness, this *is* serious. To have a healthy child you need to have a healthy relationship with your partner.

Crystal - posted on 01/05/2010

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It's normal... sometimes it just takes time. Yes part of you can be bitter at the fact you got pregnant and had to go through the trauma even though you are totally happy. If your scarred of being pregnant again right away it can be in the back of your mind. But those are the chances we take :) as for your hubby it's going to eventually affect your relationship so fake it if necessary lol as bad as that sounds sometimes it's needed when you're not into it. Also sometimes having more sex actually increases the sex drive so it is said so have some more maybe you'll get into it. It is normal to loose sex drive also age does that. Try to make your husband know he is majorly loved even though your not giving it up so he doesn't question in and not just by telling him that gets to routine if ya know what I mean. Good Luck!

Carolee - posted on 01/04/2010

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What I did to feel sexy again was something that not everyone would do. I had a female friend take sexy pictures of me. Seriously, I did my hair, make-up, got my corset and black pants on, and took a crap-load of sexy pictures. Once I felt good about my body as it was (not just a milk-machine, but MY body), I was able to think about sex again. There was no nudity in the photos I did, but if you want some, go for it.



My point is, do something that makes you feel good about your body. Do something that makes you feel like you again! Good luck, and also try some of the "special tingling gels" they have for sexual arousal... some of them work, but it takes a little bit to figure out which one works best for you. Oh, and another thing you might try... get a mini vibrator, and place it on your clitoris while you and your husband make love... wonderful things!!!

Danielle - posted on 01/04/2010

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I would have to agree with several posts above in my reply...it is a combo of horomones, possible depression, worn out from the baby, and constant contact/touching all day. If you feel it is horomonal or that you are depressed go to the doctor. If you are tired hang in there, they grew fast. And if it is to much sensory stimulation...a touch too much...ask the hubby to curb showing his physical affection and use his verbal or writing skills to romance you. It might spark something.



As for the touching, my kid is 5yrs. old and still very touchy feely. He hangs on you, kisses you and is loving, but some days I have been touched enough and hubby is told hands off. So, I think as others have said just be honest with your partner and talk to him. If he really respects you he will accept the situation and help you find the answers, instead of ignoring your feelings and just expecting you to perform.

Megan - posted on 01/04/2010

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i am sure every mom goes through this, My husband and i dont have sex when i am pregnant becuase i feel wicked uncomfortable and now that the 6 weeks have passed i still dont know if i can get intimate either...its weird to think about sex after a day with two kids pooping, throwing up, crying and pooh bear.....so if anyone knows how to get back the spice let me know until then i dont think i will be able to have kids anymore because i wont be having sex till my kids move out of the house

Jenna - posted on 01/04/2010

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i feel the exact same way with my fiance.Glad to know i am not the only one! Sorry, i have no advice. but i will read your responses..maybe they can help me out, too!

Debi - posted on 01/04/2010

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Ok It has been a while since mine was young but I sooo remember not wanting to do anything. MY OPINION only mine is that you have a date with yourself, get your nails done, hair, buy something pretty for yourself after taking a day to yourself you might feel better and not feel so much like "Just a MOM" and feel more like a wife that your Husband is in love with he loves you for you not just your body sure he wants to have sex with you but any good man also understands. So if you don't feel sexy you are not going to want to have sex. I really hope this is some help and God bless your marriage and good luck.

[deleted account]

hi sarra i think you started a very helpful post first off.I think when we have kids we go through alot of changes.We are also very tired and the thoughts of our partner wanting sex at the end of that day bothers me to.i feel like ''come on you expect me to want to have sex after the day i just had'' .its natural.it does take some time for the passion and the wanting to have sex again to come back.alot of woman feel this.BUT again we all go through this differently and have different ways of expressing why we don't want sex after having kids and your wording in the post is how you feel so i don't think we can comment on what your feeling(makes your skin crawl)so i would say it is normal and talk to your partner about it.i did and it made a world of difference.i can relate to Sharon saying sensual play and non sexual.fair point..good look.

[deleted account]

Quoting Katherine:



Quoting Sharon:

I have no help for you but i'm curious to see what responses will be.

The only thing I can recall about this is that sometimes women disassociate their bodies from sexual to mother and its hard to switch back.

In which case, maybe non sexual but sensual play is needed?





WHOEVER FLAGGED THIS HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TOO!!!  This is getting ridiculous.






lmao this was flagged..This is actually positive information Sharon has added to the conversation..Which would be found helpful by lots of woman.

Sarra - posted on 01/02/2010

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Ladies thank you all for your advice and input. I just want to stress the fact that I was not at all in anyway trying to put down my husband. I love him very much, I find him very attractive, he does not repulse me...the make my skin crawl thing was just the best way to describe how i feel when im touched. this isnt really even about him. its me! but im glad to know that im some some freak who doesn't like like sex and that other women have experienced this problem.

Krista - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Karen:

Men do not understand, we are nursing a child, or the child is clinging to us all day and then our husbands want to have sex, augh! Can't we be left alone!!!! Really though depriving yourself of sex is not healthy, even if you don't feel "into it" What you should try if you can get away for the weekend or even a night so you can sleep in the next morning do it, when you do have any incling of having sex even during the day ask a friend to look after your baby for awhile, invite him home for "lunch". You are in a mindset right now that you think having sex is for him, hopefully he wants to please you. Think of having sex for you, for your endorphines, etc., you may want to speak to a counsellor at your local health facility or your doctor, WITH your husband so he knows how to respond too.


That's a good point too. I remember feeling that on occasion -- that feeling of just being damn tired of taking care of other peoples' needs. It was almost a feeling of  "I'm physically and emotionally drained from taking care of the baby, and you want sex? No. I'm so tapped out that the very thought of you touching me like that fills me with dread. 



Tell your husband that what you need right now is solely to receive, not give. And I'm not talking about sex -- because even if you're solely receiving (y'all know what I mean), there is still a certain amount  of work on your part because he'll be expecting you to react and respond. He should give you backrubs or footrubs, but WITHOUT the typical male expectation that sex will follow. Just physically pamper you, where you can basically just fall asleep when you've had enough.  After awhile, your mojo will come back.

Sabrina - posted on 01/02/2010

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When I was reading this I could've swore I wrote it. This is me to a tee. My daughter is 8 months old and I can't stand my hubby touching me, the way I feel most of the time I couldn't care if we ever had sex again. I'm breastfeeding, on the mini pill and antidepressants so I'm pretty well shot, lol. Hope things get better for both of us!

Susan - posted on 01/02/2010

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?have you had your thyroid checked? New mommies hormones are often out of whack and if you are hypo-thyroid that can cause lack of sex drive. As for the skin crawl thing, that probably have to do with the self image of mommy, rather than woman. If there are things you used to do (that you may not have time for now) that made you feel sexy or womanly, try and make time for them. I had the problem of always being "mommy", not woman. By doing things that are JUST for YOU, you may find that you feel more like having an intimate relationship again.

Karen - posted on 01/02/2010

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Men do not understand, we are nursing a child, or the child is clinging to us all day and then our husbands want to have sex, augh! Can't we be left alone!!!! Really though depriving yourself of sex is not healthy, even if you don't feel "into it" What you should try if you can get away for the weekend or even a night so you can sleep in the next morning do it, when you do have any incling of having sex even during the day ask a friend to look after your baby for awhile, invite him home for "lunch". You are in a mindset right now that you think having sex is for him, hopefully he wants to please you. Think of having sex for you, for your endorphines, etc., you may want to speak to a counsellor at your local health facility or your doctor, WITH your husband so he knows how to respond too.

Katt - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting Katt:




 








Uhm I know that birth control can cause your hormone levels to be not normally what they would be. Maybe thats what she was talking about. I currently have the Mirena IUD and my hormones are not normal. I love my b/f soo much yet somethings he does i guess make my skin crawl...which is hormones, it did it when I was pregnant too yet before I got pregnant it didn't do it. It may have an HORMONAL effect in some women. Most birth control warnings only warn life threating things not the hormonal side effects. It's not that she is disgusted in her partners touch, it's more of an irritation. Sharon something you need to understand is everything effects everyone differently and in some women birth control effects their hormones in that way. Hormones have A LOT to do with how we react and feel. SO how about you grow up and be a little more open minded :)






ME - SHARON






You are the first person to put it that way.  I haven't heard of hormones causing a woman to become repulsed by her partner before, but no one bothered to say that.   I still don't think hormones can make someones skin crawl when touched by someone they love.  But like I said in my original reply - I don't have personal experience with this and I was looking forward to everyones replies, until I was attacked. 






Now Sarra I also feel the same way and I don't think you resent your husband. I think after having a baby your hormones are all out of wack and it takes a little while to them back to normal about a year. I find that sex is way better after I had my daughter but I have no desire despite how awesome it is now. Something I do is just go for it and put what ever it is that doesn't make me want to do it in the back of my mind..and I never regret it haha If your really concerned talk to your doctor. My friend had it really bad and her doctor gave her something and it really helped get everything going again!! It's normal to feel this way!









 





I'm sorry if it felt like I was attacking you, I wasn't. I guess the last sentence was sorta rude and i'm sorry for that but you did tell the person before to grow up and were kind of rude to her. Sorry once again if my post felt like it was an attack. :) 

Rebecca - posted on 01/02/2010

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Ok first of all i want to say i LOVE Sharon's posts. Yes sometimes we don't all agree wtih them and sometimes we might read them out of context but i'm sure some have read mine that way as well. We all have opinions and are all entitled to them. I look forward to her reply's becuase she has older kids and is more experienced adn she makes me laugh. ALOT! I love coming on here and seeing a silly message from her about a topic so i can get my giggle of the day.

To the person who started this topic- I have, correction had until recently, the same problem as you. Soon as i got pregnant i was so damn sick sex was not on the menu, at all! I gave in to make him happy and i always had my puke bucket handy lol...such a turn off but he always was happy:) When our son was born i had no disire to have sex at all so when we found out when our son was 13 months i was 7 weeks pregnant i was shocked. We literlly had sex 2 times that month and i had stopped my BC that month becuase my cycles weren't right anymore. I want to note that i was on BC for 7yrs before i became pregnant for medical reasons and i was NEVER repulsed by my partner. Anyways, at one of my pre-natal apts for my second pregnancy i discussed how i felt before getting pregnant and she said she would do blood wrok onc ei had our child and i had to have 6 regular periods for this to take place. My daughter is 6 months old almost and my periods are nowhere near regular. However, my husband is military and he was gone recently for a month and man oh man did my sex drive come back once he was back. I was forcing ymself to have sex before he left and in all honesty wasn't able to get the big O since getting pregnant with our first who is now 2. I can tell you now that i go EVERY time and that keeps me wanting to go back for more. Ask your Dr to run blood work if you are having regular periods to see if there is an imbalance and like Sharon said you might still be in mommy mode instead of sexy mommy mode. Go out alone sometime and buy some sexy lingerie and put on some porn and give him a show. you might feel stupid and unattraactive but trust me, you are the mother of his child and he will ALWAYS think you are sexy. My husband tells me eveyday and i used to never believe him...i do now:)

Kelly - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Ariana:

Give yourself some time. Your baby hasn't even been out as long as he was in. You need a good year to recover from pregnancy. And if you're nursing, it could take longer. You and your hubby need to have some intimacy and i'm not talking about sexual intercourse. Having a baby is a lot of work, 24 hours a day work. Have you had a night to yourselves since the birth? Have you had any time away from the baby? It's hard to leave the baby, and all you'll do is talk about the baby while you're away, but your marriage needs some time and devotion, too. You and your husband may need to reconnect and revisit why you got married in the first place. Are your needs being met? i find it's a lot easier to be attracted to my husband when he is meeting my needs. Life is about balance, balancing your time as a mom with your time as you with your time as a wife. Take time for yourself. The better you are as you, the better you will be for your husband and for your children. Good luck!



Wow..i never thought of it that way..well put!



i am in the same boat as you! my dtr is 6 months old and we have not been together many times since...i am now a stay at home mom..with a dtr who does not nap and 2 dogs...i am home all day with just them! when evening comes and baby goes to sleep...all i want to do is zone out in front of the tv or SLEEP!

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Katt:



 






Uhm I know that birth control can cause your hormone levels to be not normally what they would be. Maybe thats what she was talking about. I currently have the Mirena IUD and my hormones are not normal. I love my b/f soo much yet somethings he does i guess make my skin crawl...which is hormones, it did it when I was pregnant too yet before I got pregnant it didn't do it. It may have an HORMONAL effect in some women. Most birth control warnings only warn life threating things not the hormonal side effects. It's not that she is disgusted in her partners touch, it's more of an irritation. Sharon something you need to understand is everything effects everyone differently and in some women birth control effects their hormones in that way. Hormones have A LOT to do with how we react and feel. SO how about you grow up and be a little more open minded :)



ME - SHARON



You are the first person to put it that way.  I haven't heard of hormones causing a woman to become repulsed by her partner before, but no one bothered to say that.   I still don't think hormones can make someones skin crawl when touched by someone they love.  But like I said in my original reply - I don't have personal experience with this and I was looking forward to everyones replies, until I was attacked. 



Now Sarra I also feel the same way and I don't think you resent your husband. I think after having a baby your hormones are all out of wack and it takes a little while to them back to normal about a year. I find that sex is way better after I had my daughter but I have no desire despite how awesome it is now. Something I do is just go for it and put what ever it is that doesn't make me want to do it in the back of my mind..and I never regret it haha If your really concerned talk to your doctor. My friend had it really bad and her doctor gave her something and it really helped get everything going again!! It's normal to feel this way!





 

Lindsay - posted on 01/02/2010

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I would possibly talk to your doctor about depression or something. My labido increased after each child and I'm sorry yours has decreased. I'd hate for something like this to ruin your marriage.....

Breanne - posted on 01/02/2010

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Sorry no advice for you, but I feel the same way with my hubby. I love him to death, but I never want to have sex. I have a 22 month old and a 7 month old. I am thinking mine has to do with birth control and having PPD, but I am not sure. Good luck to you mama!

Katherine - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting April:



Quoting Katt:




Quoting Sharon:





Quoting April:






Quoting Sharon:







Quoting maggie:








Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.
















i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.






















that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA


















Sharon- You seem to find something about this very funny.. Are you even a mother? Because you're not acting like one, everybody responds differently to having a baby. I was lucky and my sex drive came back almost straight away and it's still there now but some people find it difficult to get intimate with their partners again, so unless you're going to try and be understanding why not just go away and leave the people who know what they're on about to talk like adults??!!
















April? are you even intelligent?  This doesn't have much to do with parenting as it does with hormones or something psychological.  Which was my point in my original post. 










 










I was responding to a few women who put the idea out there that birthcontrol was her problem - which it very well could be.  HOWEVER I wasn't aware that birthcontrol caused someone to become repulsed by their partner.  I have yet to hear that warning in the commercials - "possible side effects.... heart attack, blood clots and you may become disgusted by your partners touch..." kinda negates the need for birth control even.










 










I was UTTERLY understanding in my original reply. 










 










So um, why don't you stop trying to control the playground and grow up?












 








Uhm I know that birth control can cause your hormone levels to be not normally what they would be. Maybe thats what she was talking about. I currently have the Mirena IUD and my hormones are not normal. I love my b/f soo much yet somethings he does i guess make my skin crawl...which is hormones, it did it when I was pregnant too yet before I got pregnant it didn't do it. It may have an HORMONAL effect in some women. Most birth control warnings only warn life threating things not the hormonal side effects. It's not that she is disgusted in her partners touch, it's more of an irritation. Sharon something you need to understand is everything effects everyone differently and in some women birth control effects their hormones in that way. Hormones have A LOT to do with how we react and feel. SO how about you grow up and be a little more open minded :)








 








Now Sarra I also feel the same way and I don't think you resent your husband. I think after having a baby your hormones are all out of wack and it takes a little while to them back to normal about a year. I find that sex is way better after I had my daughter but I have no desire despite how awesome it is now. Something I do is just go for it and put what ever it is that doesn't make me want to do it in the back of my mind..and I never regret it haha If your really concerned talk to your doctor. My friend had it really bad and her doctor gave her something and it really helped get everything going again!! It's normal to feel this way!






 






 






 






 






Thankyou Katt :-) 









 





There will be NO personal attacking, if it continues I will close this thread.

Katherine - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

I have no help for you but i'm curious to see what responses will be.

The only thing I can recall about this is that sometimes women disassociate their bodies from sexual to mother and its hard to switch back.

In which case, maybe non sexual but sensual play is needed?


WHOEVER FLAGGED THIS HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TOO!!!  This is getting ridiculous.

April - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Katt:



Quoting Sharon:




Quoting April:





Quoting Sharon:






Quoting maggie:







Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.














i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.



















that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA















Sharon- You seem to find something about this very funny.. Are you even a mother? Because you're not acting like one, everybody responds differently to having a baby. I was lucky and my sex drive came back almost straight away and it's still there now but some people find it difficult to get intimate with their partners again, so unless you're going to try and be understanding why not just go away and leave the people who know what they're on about to talk like adults??!!













April? are you even intelligent?  This doesn't have much to do with parenting as it does with hormones or something psychological.  Which was my point in my original post. 








 








I was responding to a few women who put the idea out there that birthcontrol was her problem - which it very well could be.  HOWEVER I wasn't aware that birthcontrol caused someone to become repulsed by their partner.  I have yet to hear that warning in the commercials - "possible side effects.... heart attack, blood clots and you may become disgusted by your partners touch..." kinda negates the need for birth control even.








 








I was UTTERLY understanding in my original reply. 








 








So um, why don't you stop trying to control the playground and grow up?









 






Uhm I know that birth control can cause your hormone levels to be not normally what they would be. Maybe thats what she was talking about. I currently have the Mirena IUD and my hormones are not normal. I love my b/f soo much yet somethings he does i guess make my skin crawl...which is hormones, it did it when I was pregnant too yet before I got pregnant it didn't do it. It may have an HORMONAL effect in some women. Most birth control warnings only warn life threating things not the hormonal side effects. It's not that she is disgusted in her partners touch, it's more of an irritation. Sharon something you need to understand is everything effects everyone differently and in some women birth control effects their hormones in that way. Hormones have A LOT to do with how we react and feel. SO how about you grow up and be a little more open minded :)






 






Now Sarra I also feel the same way and I don't think you resent your husband. I think after having a baby your hormones are all out of wack and it takes a little while to them back to normal about a year. I find that sex is way better after I had my daughter but I have no desire despite how awesome it is now. Something I do is just go for it and put what ever it is that doesn't make me want to do it in the back of my mind..and I never regret it haha If your really concerned talk to your doctor. My friend had it really bad and her doctor gave her something and it really helped get everything going again!! It's normal to feel this way!



 



 



 



 



Thankyou Katt :-) 





 

Suzanne - posted on 01/02/2010

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wow girl, may i suggest that you talk to your doctor. about your depression, i believe that is what is going on, and your chemical in balance may be happening to. YOU BOTH NEED TO SEEK HELP, HIM SO HE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU AND YOU TO HELP HIM UNDERSTAND HIM. I DODN'T BELIEVE YOU "HATE HIM" BUT I THINK YOU NEED TO SEEK A DOCTORS ADVICE, IT SOUNDS LIKE DEPRESSION WHICH TIES INTO A WOMANS MENTAL STATE. GOOD LUCK.

[deleted account]

Give yourself some time. Your baby hasn't even been out as long as he was in. You need a good year to recover from pregnancy. And if you're nursing, it could take longer. You and your hubby need to have some intimacy and i'm not talking about sexual intercourse. Having a baby is a lot of work, 24 hours a day work. Have you had a night to yourselves since the birth? Have you had any time away from the baby? It's hard to leave the baby, and all you'll do is talk about the baby while you're away, but your marriage needs some time and devotion, too. You and your husband may need to reconnect and revisit why you got married in the first place. Are your needs being met? i find it's a lot easier to be attracted to my husband when he is meeting my needs. Life is about balance, balancing your time as a mom with your time as you with your time as a wife. Take time for yourself. The better you are as you, the better you will be for your husband and for your children. Good luck!

Kristina - posted on 01/02/2010

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I know how you feel omg do I know. I love my fiance so much and we have been together for 4 years. And ever since I had my son I've lost my sex drive for my fiance. And when I actually have to have sex with him its uncomfortable because I dont usually want to do it. And the term making your skin crawl is exactly how I feel to. My son is almost a year old and I still am not interested in having sex. And I miss it but I dont know what happened. My friend had the same thing happen and she said that after her son was 14 months that she started getting intimate with her husband again. Just stick through it girl things will get better!

Brandy - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

I have no help for you but i'm curious to see what responses will be.

The only thing I can recall about this is that sometimes women disassociate their bodies from sexual to mother and its hard to switch back.

In which case, maybe non sexual but sensual play is needed?



I agree with the comment Sharon made about your body being in "mommy mode". You may somehow feel like your body is for your child and that is why you don't want him to touch you. I have heard of this happening after pregnancy, especially in women who breastfeed because alot of women essentially feel like their body is still growing a child and therefore their body belongs to that child because they are breastfeeding. I say maybe you should try making more alone time for you and your husband so you can remember your needs too and spend alot of time touching each other so you can remember what you loved so much about being intimate with him in the first place. 

Katt - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting April:




Quoting Sharon:





Quoting maggie:






Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.












i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.
















that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA












Sharon- You seem to find something about this very funny.. Are you even a mother? Because you're not acting like one, everybody responds differently to having a baby. I was lucky and my sex drive came back almost straight away and it's still there now but some people find it difficult to get intimate with their partners again, so unless you're going to try and be understanding why not just go away and leave the people who know what they're on about to talk like adults??!!










April? are you even intelligent?  This doesn't have much to do with parenting as it does with hormones or something psychological.  Which was my point in my original post. 






 






I was responding to a few women who put the idea out there that birthcontrol was her problem - which it very well could be.  HOWEVER I wasn't aware that birthcontrol caused someone to become repulsed by their partner.  I have yet to hear that warning in the commercials - "possible side effects.... heart attack, blood clots and you may become disgusted by your partners touch..." kinda negates the need for birth control even.






 






I was UTTERLY understanding in my original reply. 






 






So um, why don't you stop trying to control the playground and grow up?





 



Uhm I know that birth control can cause your hormone levels to be not normally what they would be. Maybe thats what she was talking about. I currently have the Mirena IUD and my hormones are not normal. I love my b/f soo much yet somethings he does i guess make my skin crawl...which is hormones, it did it when I was pregnant too yet before I got pregnant it didn't do it. It may have an HORMONAL effect in some women. Most birth control warnings only warn life threating things not the hormonal side effects. It's not that she is disgusted in her partners touch, it's more of an irritation. Sharon something you need to understand is everything effects everyone differently and in some women birth control effects their hormones in that way. Hormones have A LOT to do with how we react and feel. SO how about you grow up and be a little more open minded :)



 



Now Sarra I also feel the same way and I don't think you resent your husband. I think after having a baby your hormones are all out of wack and it takes a little while to them back to normal about a year. I find that sex is way better after I had my daughter but I have no desire despite how awesome it is now. Something I do is just go for it and put what ever it is that doesn't make me want to do it in the back of my mind..and I never regret it haha If your really concerned talk to your doctor. My friend had it really bad and her doctor gave her something and it really helped get everything going again!! It's normal to feel this way!

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting April:



Quoting Sharon:




Quoting maggie:





Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.










i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.













that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA









Sharon- You seem to find something about this very funny.. Are you even a mother? Because you're not acting like one, everybody responds differently to having a baby. I was lucky and my sex drive came back almost straight away and it's still there now but some people find it difficult to get intimate with their partners again, so unless you're going to try and be understanding why not just go away and leave the people who know what they're on about to talk like adults??!!






April? are you even intelligent?  This doesn't have much to do with parenting as it does with hormones or something psychological.  Which was my point in my original post. 



 



I was responding to a few women who put the idea out there that birthcontrol was her problem - which it very well could be.  HOWEVER I wasn't aware that birthcontrol caused someone to become repulsed by their partner.  I have yet to hear that warning in the commercials - "possible side effects.... heart attack, blood clots and you may become disgusted by your partners touch..." kinda negates the need for birth control even.



 



I was UTTERLY understanding in my original reply. 



 



So um, why don't you stop trying to control the playground and grow up?

Teresa - posted on 01/02/2010

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how was your pregnancy?? birthing experience??? If you found it hard or didn't like the whole process your mind may be thinking that it will happen again if you let him touch you. Is it possible that you are still overtired or have baby blues or postpartum depression in some degree?? Talk to your doc about the possibility of it. Many moms do get the baby mode, where your body belongs to babe (especially if breastfeeding) but by 8 months there should be some kind of drive even a little. Talk to your doc. See what she/he has to say.

April - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting maggie:




Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.








i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.










that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA





Sharon- You seem to find something about this very funny.. Are you even a mother? Because you're not acting like one, everybody responds differently to having a baby. I was lucky and my sex drive came back almost straight away and it's still there now but some people find it difficult to get intimate with their partners again, so unless you're going to try and be understanding why not just go away and leave the people who know what they're on about to talk like adults??!!

Whitney - posted on 01/02/2010

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I have this same problem. I have tried to overcome it also. I think a part of it is being a new mom (for me it is again). Our biggest problem is our little guy sleeps in our room. I know he sleeps so soundly,but one time we were in the middle and he woke up hungry. Total mood crasher!! Ever since then, I have a hard time staying in the mood. The other worry is that the birth control won't work. I want more kids, but not right now. If anyone has any suggestions that would be great. I almost to the point of just going off the pill and seeing what happens.

[deleted account]

I would def. talk to my parnter if I was having this problem let him know how you are feeling and perhaps go from there. You might have slight postpartum depression that can sometimes make you have no desire for sex. I hope it gets better for you but def. try talking to your parnter maybe he might have some suggestions.

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting maggie:



Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.






i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.






that is REVOLTING - but it doesn't have anything to do with birthcontrol.  Unless you're using his foulness and lack of hygiene as a birthcontrol? HAHAAHAHA

Krista - posted on 01/02/2010

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Yeah, your body might be in "mommy mode" right now, so it's just not up for sex at all. It could be hormones. It could be an unconscious aversion to the idea of possibly getting pregnant again. You might want to consider couples therapy, as your husband is probably having a hard time not feeling very hurt by this, and from what I'm sensing, you WANT to desire him again, but just can't.

Lauren - posted on 01/02/2010

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well i dont know if this will help but i havent had sex in six months. my husband is deployed and i think that because i am not able to have sex is what makes me want him so bad. so maybe instead of just doing it, go without for a while. make an agreement that no matter what you cant have sex for like three weeks or a month and maybe it will help. before i ever got pregnant i used to get tired of sex every day so we would do that and as soon as it was our day to have sex again i was so up for it and exited about it. hope this helps

Maggie - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.



i think you'll find that sometimes my partners sweat or breath make me wanna hurl so i think that counts for revulsion.

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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I don't think birth control causes revulsion. (ie "makes my skin crawl")

It just causes you to lose interest, or have no desire.

[deleted account]

im on birth control and have the same problem.... it could possibly be hormonal,or just the fact that your body is still recovering from giving birth - they say it takes a year or so to fully recover after having a baby.... either way id talk to your gyno. they may be able to help you- especially if it is a hormone issue.. =) good luck!

Maggie - posted on 01/02/2010

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hi are you on some sort of birth control cos i'm on the implant and that has seriously affected my sex drive it's somewhere six foot under. it's not as if my partner is a hunchback or some total weirdo that doesn't wash. he's great but the minute he starts to cuddle me or want to get down and dirty i just switch off. for the sake of my relationship we've decided on a date night where once baby who's 11 months is in bed we talk and cuddle and eventually hopefully have sex and its the same night so i really try to get there. i know its not really all me but its mostly the implant making my hormones go crazy. if it's not your birth control maybe you don't feel like a woman anymore and its all about being mummy thats not exactly gonna make you feel very desirable is it. hope this helps.

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

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I got like that to a lesser degree. Mine comes and goes. Sometimes I'm really up for it and other times I can't stand the thought of it. I just figured my hormones were all kinds of crazy from the pregnancy still. I've also heard that breastfeeding can make your aversion to sex stronger because, like Sharon said, you see yourself as more matronly rather and sexually. What helps me is if my husband and I just kind of cuddle without showing any sexual intent. Eventually it usually leads to it and for some reason it doesn't bother me. Maybe you have to simply adjust your approach to it. The first time my husband just kind of grabbed me (something that would have been fine before) after I had our daughter I almost smacked him so I know how you feel and I hope what I said helps. Good luck.

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