should children be invited to weddings?

Mom To 2 - posted on 08/15/2011

I think children should be at weddings, isn't that the reason we get married, to celebrate with family and friends and our children ? I am very hurt right now a friend asked me to be her matron of honor, (this is her 3rd wedding) I was invited to the first and in the second. I just found out my children are not invited ! I don't know what I will do with them now, one.... I wanted them with me and two....I now need to get a sitter ( and pay someone to watch them) I don't know how to handle this, I would rather not be going to the wedding now if I can't bring my children.

Renae - posted on 09/13/2009

its completely up to you. my brother had 'no children' at his wedding and i thought the wedding was really nice.

there were still a few children there, my little sister was only 10 and the best mans daughter is 10 also and both girls were part of the wedding party.

my aunt also brought her 2 little boys though because it was either that, or she wouldnt be able to come because they are from out of town and had noone to leave the kids with.

my mums wedding was 'bring your children' and i personally think it was awful. but only because the parents didn't watch their children and the children went crazy. they were on the dance floor throughout the first dance and speeches and if it was my wedding, i would've been very annoyed at the parents.

so if your friends and family keep an eye on their own children, there shouldn't be a problem.

the only other thing is that people with kids generally leave early and don't drink which could be a good or bad thing depending on how late your reception will go.

Jaime - posted on 09/13/2009

Quoting Tamika:

Its only a problem to people that cant hold their liquor. I have been to weddings that the reception was adult only, as well as weddings that had kids at both the ceremony and reception. The only difference was that the adults at the adult only wedding got plastered. Its your wedding not theirs, you do what you want to do.

So, do you want to be the pot or the kettle?  I just came from another thread where you posted this to a mother that was berating the parenting skills of others:

"Thoes are some pretty strong opinions to have about parents you dont know".  So, what I'm wondering then, is if you feel that this mother didn't have a right to make assumptions about other people's parenting skills, why then are you making assumptions about why people don't allow children at weddings?....and I quote, "Its only a problem to people that can't hold their liquor"....hmmm. 

I am confused because it appears as though you are saying that 'adult only' weddings are for those people that have an excessive need to drink.  I don't think that's a safe assumption to make because I have a friend that will be married soon and she has requested no children at the reception so that she can enjoy an evening of celebration without having to worry about tired, hungry or injured children.  I am certain that she will have some drinks and might even get plastered, but her reason for not having children at her wedding has nothing to do with her inability to control her alcohol intake.

I will say it again...it is the choice of the bride and groom as to who they invite to their wedding---whatever the reason!

Tamika - posted on 09/13/2009

Its only a problem to people that cant hold their liquor. I have been to weddings that the reception was adult only, as well as weddings that had kids at both the ceremony and reception. The only difference was that the adults at the adult only wedding got plastered. Its your wedding not theirs, you do what you want to do.

Jaime - posted on 09/13/2009

Quoting Heather:

if i got a wedding invite that said no kids i would go. not letting children go is stuck up and rude....

Aside from the fact that you make no sense, "not letting children go" is not stuck up and rude.  There is nothing selfish about not wanting children at a wedding.  Everyone is different.  If a bride and groom want children at their wedding then that's wonderful, if not that's also wonderful.  What's stuck up and rude are the invited guests that decline out of spite because they feel that their children are not welcome to celebrate---give me a break!  There are lots of people that elope and only travel with a witness on either side to sign the marriage license....I think that a wedding should be designed to the specifications of each COUPLE getting married and it is the choice of the couple as to how they want to celebrate and who they want to celebrate with.  Lets not get our veils in a knot over something silly like kids or no kids at a wedding...there are far greater atrocities in life!

Ashley - posted on 09/13/2009

I think that kids should be invited. After all there are such things as a ring barrer and flower girl for kids in a wedding, but even if certain couples dont go that route I believe weddings should be a place for family no matter age or what. Is this couple anti-kids or something do they plan to never have any? Regardless its your wedding and you and your soon to be spouses choice. I would want my kids at my wedding theyre apart of the family as well right? I wouldnt care if someone said that to me. I would take that as rude and out of the way. Do what will make you and your family happy, not someone elses who its really not going to matter to 5 years down the road.

Heather - posted on 09/13/2009

if i got a wedding invite that said no kids i would go. not letting children go is stuck up and rude....

User - posted on 09/13/2009

It is entirely up to the bride&groom after all it is their wedding and they can chose or not to have children.I think if one can afford irt why not? It is a happy occasion and so

the young need see that people are in Love ,get married etc,let them be part of the Big EVENT if that is your wish

Sharon - posted on 09/13/2009

I think it depends on the situation really. When I got married we allowed children to come only because most of my family was married with children but recently at my friend's wedding his wife said no children at first but then changed her mind after half her RSVPS said not attending. She did however provide a sitter for the "adult portion" of the evening. But in my honest opinion.....it's your wedding. Invite who you want...children and all.

Anne - posted on 09/13/2009

Quoting Samantha:

should children be invited to weddings?

am getting married next year and have had a few people tell me not to allow children to come i dont see the problem as i have threee little ones of my own. is there really a problem inviting children to weddings

I think if you already have children then i would invite others to come.  I had a daughter going into my marriage and we had everyone bring their kids.  It is a great way to keep you children occupied while you are hooping it up.  Congrats and enjoy your day

Charlie - posted on 09/13/2009

the most special day of your life , surely you would want to spend it with your children .
I am planning a wedding and specifically waited for my child to be old enough so he could be apart our marriage i wouldn't have it any other way .

In the end its up to you , its YOUR day .
Good luck i hope it goes well .

Amanda - posted on 09/12/2009

I also have 3 little ones and my feeling is, if I ever remarry that is, that since I have kids and would want them there, why should a friend miss out on a good time just because they couldn't find a babysitter? I would, however, set up a seperate room or tent (whatever your wedding place permits) just for the kids and ask a family member or friends with teenage daughters/sons to see if they would be available to babysit during the wedding, and perhaps offer to pay, that way you know your little ones will also be cared for, depending on their ages.....

Samantha - posted on 09/12/2009

Children at a wedding are great. Some of the most memorable moments are the result of them being there. I've been married for 25 years and some of my favorite pix are of the children of various ages that were at my wedding. It's a family affair. Have fun.

Julie - posted on 09/12/2009

O my goodness! I always love when someone gets married and everyone wants to organize the wedding for them. I say do exactly what you want. Personally, I got married 5 years ago and we had 36 kids out of the 150 that were invited and we had a blast. I truly can't imagine a wedding without kids. What it all comes down to is what YOU want!! So from the sounds of it you have kids so make it a kid friendly wedding. Make it obvious in your invite and then those who are opposed can find something else to do on that day! LOL sorry but seriously I think its idiotic that someone would tell you not to when you have three kids of your own!. Kick back and enjoy your family on your big day. Your WHOLE FAMILY!!! : )

Jeri - posted on 09/12/2009

It's your wedding, correct? Do what you want, it's your special day. If having/inviting children to your wedding makes you & your hubby to be happy then do it. If the few people who said not to allow them are your really friends, they should understand. Good luck & Congrats

Sandi - posted on 09/12/2009

There are two ways of looking at this. If you are paying for the wedding and you want your children there, then by all means, they should be invited. Or, if you have out of town guests who have children, they should come. However, it should be tactfully be made very clear that the children must stay off the dance floor. Too many kids end up getting hurt out there. Maybe have a kids table with crayons, coloring books, stickers, etc. and give them something to do to keep them busy. Or, let them stay for dinner and have some one take them to their house to babysit.



On the other hand, it's an adult evening and if at all possible, keep it that way.

Audrey - posted on 09/12/2009

it's your wedding not theirs. You want the kids there, so invite kids.

Amber - posted on 09/12/2009

Amen Jaime

Jaime - posted on 09/12/2009

What is the big uproar about "if my kids aren't welcome at a wedding, then neither am I"...wtf? Cry me a friggin' river people. It is the choice of the bride and groom whether or not to have children at their wedding. Some people allow children to attend just the ceremony, some people allow children to stay for dinner and speeches, some people allow children to stay for the dancing and some people just prefer that kids not come at all. Just because the kids aren't invited, doesn't mean that it is inconsiderate or rude or disrespectful. That is a load of crap! I can't believe how selfish and ridiculous people can be sometimes. A wedding is a celebration, yes...but so is a girls night out at the bar, a housewarming party, a work Christmas party, a New Year's Eve party etc...I don't know too many people that refuse an invite to their company Christmas party because their kids weren't invited. Get over it...if you don't want to go to a wedding because your children can't come then that's YOUR choice, but don't make it sound like the bride and groom have overstepped a boundary by respectfully requesting that their nuptials be kid-free. THIS is exactly why I think weddings are a waste of time and money...the two people that are supposed to be able to relax and enjoy their day are bombarded with crap from their friends and family about the decisions they've made for THEIR special day! Wow!

Laura - posted on 09/12/2009

My husband and I both come from large families-we currently have 26 nieces and nephews and 5 great nieces and nephews. My cousins came in from out of town for our wedding and they also had small children. We had our reception at a hotel so in addition to the ballroom I rented a large conference room and had a children's reception. I got pizza and chicken nuggets and other kid food. I hired several babysitters that my sibilings had been using for their kids and we had entertainment and treat bags. When the adults were finished eating and all of the ceremonial "stuff" was finished we let the kids into the reception. Parents had a chance to eat a meal in peace and quiet without worrying and I didn't pay for food that the kids wouldn't eat. It worked out really well for us. Do what you feel will work best for your family. This is your special day-do what YOU want to do.

Lucy - posted on 09/12/2009

I have 5 children. 4 are married. all of the weddings included children except 1 of my son's. his brides' family choose to not include small children so that left his siblings feeling hurt. but, some of their friends traveled from out of state [same as us] & THEIR children were allowed to attend. It just made for more hurt feeling between family members. it's been 3 yrs. why were some allowed to come & others not?
I say it's YOUR wedding! & if you want small children there, GREAT! Just make sure to stick by what YOU want & don't let others try to convince you otherwise.

Stefanie - posted on 09/11/2009

I think they should be invited. They are people too and should not be left out b/c of age discrimination.
If I had family getting married and they didn't allow my kids they would miss out on my company as well. We are a family and we do everything together. If you can't be around all of us, you'll be around none of us.

Amy - posted on 09/11/2009

It is your (as in you and your soon-to-be husbands) day, so who care what everyone else thinks. I included tons of children in my ceremony and reception. It was wonderful. I had 3 flower girls (my nieces) and 3 rind bearers (my nephews) I had a jr Bridesmaid (another niece) and a Jr groomsman (my husbands cousin). I wouldn't change anything about it!
To see my beautiful nieces all dolled up on the dance floor beaming with excitement in their "Cinderella" dresses, was just so touching.
Do what you feel is right, again, YOUR DAY!

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2009

I think people that say that children shouldn't be allowed to come to weddings are inconsiderate, especially if they have friends that have children. I personally would not go to a wedding if my boys were not invited as well. They are part of my family and as far as I concerned, if they don't go to the wedding, I don't go to the wedding. So I say, let your children come and see you get married and don't listen to those people that are saying that they shouldn't come, in my opinion, they are just being rude. It's your day and your decision.

Dionne - posted on 09/11/2009

i dont think its a problem but like others on here said its up to you i am get married next weekend and kids are welcomed.just try not to listen to others its your big day so just kick back and enjoy it.:)

Lois - posted on 09/11/2009

We were invited to a wedding and didn't know until we sent back the rsvp that children were not to come. We recieved a phone call telling us the children couldn't come. We felt if our children weren't welcome neither were we.

Lara - posted on 09/11/2009

I had children at my wedding, DH had 3 nephews at the time and I had 2, plus my matron of honor had 2 boys. I asked before our final meeting at the reception hall about kids meals, and was given a seperate price for those as well as a seperate menu. I even had special favors for them (glow in the dark neon bracelets from Michaels) We'll be married 7 yrs on 9/13 and it worked for us.

Kelly - posted on 09/11/2009

I did not read what everyone else has said, but my opion is that it should be up to you. it is your wedding! Have what you would like, dont base it upon others opinions. However take into consieration what type of wedding you are having and if you have young kids do you want to ahve to babysit thema t your reception? I have thought this over myslf because eventually i will have a wedding of my own and i have a young daughter. I want her in my wedding as the flower girl but i dont think i want kids at the reception becuase like i said, i dont want to have o be watching my daughter at the recpetion. In addition, if there are many kids in your family, that should be considered as well.. I know multiple people who hire a babysitter for the time of their wedding and create a 'nursery" at the place of their reception.. That way parents can check in on their children but it doesnt put a "damper" on the occasion. but like i said before you have hree children and i am sure they are a huge part of your life and you may want them there. Its up to you, do what makes sense and what you are comfortable with. I think you should consider how many people that you are inviting have children when making your decision

Mary - posted on 09/11/2009

That is totally up to the bride/grom- but since you have children I think all children should be invited. I was invited to an adult only wedding out of town and we did not go- for we did not have a sitter. The Grooms mom was upset (my husband's aunt) but we had no choice!!

Betsy - posted on 09/11/2009

A wedding is suppose to be something special in your life I dont know what this world is comming to but I''v been invited to weddings where children are not invited cause either it cost to much or they dont want kids running around. well I always thought when theres something special in your life you want to share it with as much people as you can and children are also special those that dont want children ther should remember they wer kids once to and if its to costly maybe you could take a cheaper menu if you are having a menu or most of the time when people know its an expensive menu people will ussually put more in the card. The important thing is a wedding is very special and so are children

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2009

I think that you should! I have been to many weddings and kids where there They got bounce houses for them to play in!! Thats what I am going to do because I am also getting married next year

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2009

Do what you want. If you want the fancy formal wedding do that. If you want the family wedding do that. All of my family is from out of state so If I wanted any of my cousins to be there they would have to bring their kids. We had it all at a hotel that had special kids dinners for those under 10 and special price for those under 21 (after all they could not have alcohol). The hotel had a pool and they all went there during the day. We the wedding and reception right there. Which they all loved because no one had to drive anywhere so they could have a few. We had the ceremoney at 4 with the reception right after so it did not go real late. It was a great family reunion. Those without kids stayed downstairs later and had a great time. I danced with so many little girls who felt like fairy princesses, their moms said they talked about it for weeks. I had the formal dress, tuxes, everything. Great DJ who brought things for the kids. It can be done.

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2009

No wrong answer, it's up to the happy couple I think. I find I don't enjoy weddings I attend with my children so I typically do not bring mine. Depending on the type of wedding and the time of day it can be completely appropriate either way.

Jodie - posted on 09/10/2009

i think it depends on the relationship to the children as well as their temperament that could influence your decision. We decided to only have our own p present, caused BIG problems throughout the family and to be honest, have regretted it ever since. We chose to try keep numbers down due to cost. Looking back, I would have been happy in a nice backyard with as many people to share in our special day as possible.

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2009

your the bride and its your day you get to choose !!!! most people will get sitters anyway its a nice night out ! some may not to be able to afford one or have one aviable... make sure you have some kid things like cryons and placemats i got wedding themed ones at oriental trading and little wedding ducks for them to play with !!

Emily - posted on 09/10/2009

When I got married it came down to cost for the reception. I invited my nieces and nephews only, seemed wrong to leave them out when they have been such a big part of my life. For the reception I put together a little activities bag for each them, and had it at their seats when they arrived to keep them entertained. Plus they are so much fun and really good entertainment at times..

Tiffany - posted on 09/10/2009

Sorry formal one WITHOUT alcohol, is what I ment. Then a party

Tiffany - posted on 09/10/2009

Things will get worse before the wedding is here... why wedding make ppl freak is beyond me BUT

if you want kids at your wedding, and dont care about a possible interruption in the ceramony, then go ahead & have the kiddies there. if you are having a big reception with an open bar, might not be a great idea, BUT you might could have a kids "bar" with kid friendly drinks they can go get and make (if old enuff) themselves.

My wedding was in a chapel, and hubbys fam is VERY religious, so I had 2 receptions. One w/ alcohol, one w/out. We did the formal one with alcohol, then left and went to the party as we called it. The kids made their own drinks, played "bar" and had a blast!! BUT we all stayed at the cabin where that party was, no driving off. So that made it alot easier. Its all up to you, and what type of place you are having the wedding/reception in.

Stina - posted on 09/10/2009

Considering you have 3 little ones, it would make sense that you have lots of friends with little ones... so to allow them to bring thier children would make it easier for them to join you on your happy day.



It's totally up to you as the bride.



Since having children, I have brought my son to one wedding... he was about 10mo and it went ok. Recently I went to a wedding that my 5 yo son wanted to join me for but I thought it would go longer than it did and know that he has difficulty being quiet- so I didn't bring him although there were children present when I got there. Most parents don't want to interrupt the ceremony so when the kids get noisy, I see them duck out so as not to interrupt things. The one I went to without my son, I did have my infant daughter with me since she is nursing. I also sat near the back and ducked out when she got talkative but was able to watch from the entrance.



If you decide to not have children at the wedding be sure to make this clear.... Otherwise, if you want the little ones to join, there are some things you can do to help the parents... Little quiet bags for during the ceremony filled with inexpensive things like paper, a few crayons, maybe a small board book. I know you can find some cute board books at most dollar stores. And at the reception, you could find a teenager or two to staff a kids table with crafts or even to babysit in a nearby room while mom and dad enjoy the party. The wedding I went to when my son was a baby had a daycare room wich I thought was very thoughtful. It would certainly make the wedding and reception more fun for your children if you did let your friends bring thier children.

Gwen - posted on 09/10/2009

it is completely up to you. some weddings are very formal, some more relaxed. it is totally your call.

Christina - posted on 09/10/2009

I think if you have your kids there then you should invite kids. My husband and I usually don't take our kids to wedding because they won't enjoy it and would much rather stay with grandma or spend the night at a friends house.

Alissa - posted on 09/10/2009

If the children are not in the wedding, I don't think inviting them is a good idea. A wedding is more of an adult enviornment. But it's your wedding so you don't let anyone tell you what to do

Sharon - posted on 09/10/2009

Depends on the wedding. Depends on what kind of party the reception is going to be. Do you want a wailing child at the wedding? It could happen. I'm the patient sort. I don't care. I can wait till the parent gets the child calmed down or removed.

Kelly - posted on 09/10/2009

Hi,
I think this is a loaded question for sure! : ) We had older children attend our wedding and offered a "kids" meal for the children who weren't babies). A few questions I'd ask you are: Will the children enjoy the event? Is the venue child-friendly (my wedding reception was at a country club and it was fine)? Will there be excessive drinking or other behavior not appropriate for children? Will child-noises bother you if they are on your video/interrupt your ceremony, etc.? We recently attended a wedding where babies and children were welcome, however after bringing our 2 month old son to the wedding I learned that maybe HE didn't want to be there- loud music (reception), getting passed around to be held, etc. I do think that sometimes people get hurt feelings if children aren't "welcome" at weddings- even if logically it makes sense. Just be sensitive to your guests who may feel this way if you decide not to invite children, but if you go for it, remember you can't control them when they are there : ) My son SCREAMED right as the bride walked down the aisle- yup- it is on video....and he is normally super well behaved/happy, etc. You never can tell! Overall, it is your celebration of marriage, and if children are a part of that, then why omit them on the important day?! : ) Good luck! I hope this is the least of your wedding worries!

Kerri - posted on 09/10/2009

I dont see the problem with children being there as long their parents keep an eye on them. And if you dont have children there how are you supposed to have a flower girl and a ring baire (cant spell but the cute little boy that brings the rings. Lol.But anyways. You should definatly have children there!!

Sherri - posted on 09/10/2009

NO....your childern should be apart of this most impotant day of your life you have chose a life partner not just for you ,but for them. I had my childern all in my wedding and husband even wrote vows to them as well!

Lynsey - posted on 09/10/2009

Here's my opinion... I think children SHOULD be invited, however, age is a factor... I'm going to my cousin's wedding next month and my daughter is 7 weeks old today... I have a HUGE petpeeve about crying babies anywhere... let alone a wedding. The last thing I want is a crying child interupting the wedding ceremony. I have no problem taking her to the reception, but I told them that I would probably stay at the hotel for the ceremony part, because I don't want to take away from the bride's big day... That being said, my family has INSISTED we attend the ceremony, so I have to oblige them... I'm not happy about it, but I'll do it because they asked me to... If you want a peaceful ceremony, I would consider putting an age restriction on it, but the reception should be open for all...

Alicia - posted on 09/10/2009

I find it a little ridiculous that you WOULDN'T invite children when yours will so obviously be there. It is of course a personal choice. However, just make sure if you're going to invite one, invite all. You really can't pick & choose which children you invite. Hopefully they're all super well-behaved. Congratulations on your wedding!!!

April - posted on 09/10/2009

I don't see a problem, kids are kids. If they were to get upset about noisy kids, lets just hope they don't plan on having any. I would feel sorry for the kids! I put my baby IN my wedding, she ran everywhere!! lol too funny

Camille - posted on 09/10/2009

I see no problem inviting children to a wedding. However it also depends on the venue, if children are going to be invited I would recommend a more casual style of wedding. It should really be up to the couple getting married whether or not they want to invite children.