should i accept his apology....

Cheyenne - posted on 10/17/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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ok so a couple years ago i was with my boyfriend that im currently with now. well on myspace there was a game that u played to own people on your friends, it was just something stupid. anyways one of his so called ""friends"" was starting crap with me for buying my boyfriend from him all the time. and then he started calling me a slut and a bit** and that i shouldnt be with my boyfriend he doesnt deserve me or anything. so i told my boyfriend and showed him the email and they ended thier friendship. then my boyfriend tells me that that guy would always tell him that im a piece of crap and he didnt dereve me and i was just using him.

so, during that time i wasnt going out with anybody else, i think we were dating on/off for a year, and i didnt date or see anyone. i didnt want to.

well yesterday i was out with my mother-in-law and we came home and saw a truck. we didnt know whos it was and then she said it was dillons(the guy who started crap). and i told her i dont wanna see him so i stayed in her room until he left. my boyfriend comes in and asks me if im mad and i said what do u think? he didnt understand why. he said that dillon apologized for everything and that he wanted to apologize to me. i told my boyfriend i couldnt care less. why should i accept an apology from a person who calls me names and tells my boyfriend not to be with me. o and it took him 2 years to apologize by the way. anyways i got mad at my boyfriend because i thought he didnt want to talk to him anymore, guess i was wrong. he says he doesnt hold grudges. well i do. ive already blocked out 4 of my family members but 3 of them shouldnt be but thier mom is the reason. but i was wondering if i should accept his apology or not. if he wouldve pushed my boyfriend a little more and we'd broken up i wouldnt have my son. im happy my boyfriend ditched the bastard when he did. but now im not happy. so what do u think??

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Angie - posted on 10/18/2010

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He did what he did 2 years ago. Your boyfriend obviously didn't take his advice. Trust your relationship. Let him apologize and forgive him. Just because you forgive him doesn't mean that you have to forget what he's done; you can still be cautious.

Louise - posted on 10/18/2010

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I think people mature at different rates and that this happened a while ago he probably looks back on his younger years and thinks what a knob head and wishes he never did it. At some point in your life you are going to have to give people second chances or you will run out of friends. Nobody is perfect all the time! Invite this bloke around and sit the three of you around the table and then tell him how it made you feel and that it still hurts and then listen to his apology. You will earn major brownie points from your boyfriend and he will not have to sneek his friend in and out the house to please you. Rise above it is what I say life is to short for grudges!

Kelina - posted on 10/17/2010

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Look if he's wanting to apologize there's a good chance he's beginning to realize just how stupid he was, and like someone else said, a lot of people don't even think an apology is necessary. they just waltz back and expect you to forgive them because so much time has passed. the thing is holding grudges only comes back to bite you in the butt. I would sit down with your boyfriend, let him know you're willing to accept his apology but he's going to have tp prove that he's changed his attitude or his apology and your acceptance of it will mean nothing and you'll be right back where you started.
Also, I think you need to let your boyfriend know that this hurt you that he saw this guy again without telling you especially after all the trouble he caused. Was it something that was planned or did his friend just stop by unexpectedly? A lot of men don't hold onto things like women do, they're not really programmed that way. At least the men I know, are a lot more willing to let bygones be bygones than any of the women I know. You weren't wrong to be angry with what he did, you had every right to be angry about that. But part of growing as a person and as a couple is to move past that anger and grow together. It sounds like this apology could be the first step to that.

Julie - posted on 10/17/2010

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My husband and I had a problem similar to this before we got married and the final straw came down to some words that his father had said to him when he was about 15 "son you are who you run with"

My husband, then boyfriend, had a bunch of friends called the driveway crew who partied pretty hard and were not crazy about him falling for "the good girl". they would say horrible things about me and then say " Ohhhhh so sorrrrrry we were wasted" well we were dating long distance at the time so I was not there for most of this. One weekend we got together for a float trip and they all got drunk...and made fun for me for not drinking ( i have MS and don't drink as it can be dangerous) and began being very abusive to me verbally and to top it off even though it was a couples thing they invited another single girl planning to fix her up with my future husband... We got back to camp my future husband took my hand we got in the car and he took me to a hotel... that was the beginning of the end of his association with the "driveway crew"

Never be with someone that would allow someone anyone disrespect you!

Candy - posted on 10/17/2010

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only you can choose to accept it or not. personally i think you should sit down with your boyfriend and his 'mate' and lay down some 'ground rules' i.e. you wlll accept his apology but the minute you get a scent of any back stabbing he's out of your lives for good. I don't think your boyfriend would have any issues with you putting it that way as you are then meeting half way. and as for blocking friends because of who their mother is... I think you should unblock them, if they didn't do anything to you themselves and their only downfall in your eyes is who gave birth to them, I would hope that you would see past that and try to build bridges back if they'll have you back as a friend. remember that your children will see your morals and learn them. i know i would want my children to be forgiving (to a certain degree) and not judge people based on who their family or friends are.

Iridescent - posted on 10/17/2010

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I think maybe you need to open your eyes a bit. The fact that this guy, who really never had any reason to care about you in any way, was certainly out of line (2 YEARS ago) but thought to apologize for it to both you and your boyfriend now says something. Maybe he's grown up, and values his friends. Most people wouldn't even think an apology is necessary. When you shut people out of your life for things such as refusing to meet halfway, and being related to their mother, soon it leaves you with nobody but yourself and it is your own fault.

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