Thank you for signing up! Take the next step and join one of the many communities on Circle of Moms.

Should I allow my 17 year old daughter's boyfriend to spend the night?

Laura - posted on 05/04/2012 ( 170 moms have responded )

2

13

0

My 17 year old daughter wants her boyfriend to be allowed to spend the night, him on the couch and her in her bed. My husband is also pressuring me to agree to this. My 15 year old daughter thinks it would be totally unfair if we allowed this, since we said no to her staying overnight with a male friend (not a boyfriend). This is creating a lot of stress in our entire family. By the way, I know that my 17 year old is sexually active, and I had an IUD put in her last year. I don't like it, but I also don't want her to be a teen mother, either. Advice, please?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Elizabeth - posted on 05/06/2012

26

6

2

I know I am going to get a lot of BOO HISS for this but here goes..
We are raising our 4 children (2 boys and 2 girls) to respect themselves and others.. Here is how it works..
1. No dating. NO one on one dating.. group events ok, only with supervision and no opportunity to be alone with the opposite sex. They don't need practice.. they will get that when they go away to college I am sure, but they have enough on their plates right now with school, activities and just being kids.. they shouldnt feel pressured to do anything they are not comfortable with and allowing them to date puts them in a situation that they don't need to be in.. They should not be accountable to anyone but themselves and us. Drama is a waste of time and I will not allow it.
2. NO premaritial sex, We are teaching our children that their bodies are something worth saving for that special person on their wedding night.. That if someone truely loved them, they would not ask them or expect them to violate their bodies when there has been no legal/moral promise of a life together.. How dare someone expect them to share the most private and personal of themselves without the promise of marriage?? So no there would be no co-ed slumber parties..
Now, notice I did not bring religion into this.. it dosent have to be about religion. It is about teaching your children to be happy well adjusted adults..
My 13 year old is fine with our rules.. she tells us how relieved she is that she does not have the option to be alone with a guy.. she sees the needless drama that her friends face with boyfriends and their expectations for affection, money, time ect.. She is happy with her activities and the 2 friends whose parents feel the same way I do. If we all change the culture on dating it would turn around everything!! Imagine a teenage girl confident enough in herself that she could do her best in school, have fun with activities and friends and go to college or whatever SHE wants to do! NOT what some guy wanted her to do!! They have plenty of time to date when they graduate college, Maybe they will find someone in college that has as bright a future as they do and they will get married and have children.. OR maybe they will graduate college and travel the world before they meet someone.. The guys in highschool are not all there is in the world.. Maybe they will have a highschool "sweetheart" that they remained friends with, but it will be a stronger person you raise.. Think about it.. It is not unrealistic. Just love your kids enough to say HELL NO!!! They will thank you later.. And for those of you that have already allowed it.. It is not too late to sit them down and say "hey, we made a huge mistake" Get to know your kids..

Tabitha - posted on 05/04/2012

296

10

68

What would be the point of him staying the night? If they're agreeing to the sleep arrangements, why even bother? Sounds more like he'll be sneakin into her room once you let him stay the night under your roof. I don't understand why your husband would want her boyfriend there, knowing that they are sexually active. What does your husband get out of it? My rule is: no co-ed sleepovers what so ever!! When you're 18 and live on your own, he can sleep over all you want. But under my roof, absolutely not!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/06/2012

18,920

9

3002

Elizabeth "And they are all like, thank you but I will wait.. Our sons are taught to respect girls and to never ask for sex, or any type of petting from a girl.. This degrades a woman more than any political campaign ever! Why cant people see that?? "

Ok, that is great that you are teaching your kids morals, but throughout your post it surely sounds like you are teaching them that sex overall is degrading and dirty. How is any of this degrading to a women that WANTS it done? That is my problem with your post. If a girl WANTS to be touched, and WANTS sex, how is this degrading? Yeah, I cannot see that.

Kellie - posted on 05/07/2012

16

15

0

is that then to suggest that all sex out of wedlock is therefore cheap and means less? Wat a ridiculous sentiment. If waiting until marriage was wat felt right for u then fantastic for u, but don't then take it upon urself to deem any other persons sex life as degrading, disrespectful and cheap. I was born to a non married couple. My parents got married wen i was 15. They may have technically only been married for 12 yrs, but for over 30yrs my father has treated my mum with a hell of alot more respect and dignity than I've seen some married men do! My parents relationship was NOT cheap, or degrading! And neither is my own. I have 2 children out of wedlock. My relationship has lasted longer than most marriages these days! Our sex life is not demeaning in any way, and he most certainly does NOT disrespect me at all. My relationship is no less "special" than urs simply because i don't have a piece of paper stating that we love each other and are committee to each other... And the fact that we've both had previous sexual partners does not diminish wat we have. Waiting may have been right for u... And its fantastic that u have the right to do so. Don't use that as an excuse to down play others relationships thou...

Sarah - posted on 05/05/2012

1,258

14

164

If it were my child, hell would freeze over before I would agree to that.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

170 Comments

View replies by

Ariana - posted on 09/09/2012

1,309

0

624

No. You should not allow your daughter to have a boyfriend sleep over. Whether or not they are sexually active does not change the message you should send not only to her but your 15 year old daughter. My friend was allowed to go to her bf's house when she was 16, she told her parents they were not sexually active, and she absolutely was. Whether or not you accept that she'll have sex you should not allow it in your house.



It's sort of like if you found out your 19 year old daughter was going to the bar and getting trashed every night. Would you allow her to come home and get trashed just because you realize she might do it somewhere else?



As long as she's on birth control and you've told her your position on sex (whatever it is) and she's educated on how she could end up pregnant and everything else than that is what you should do, but don't let her have the boy sleep over in the house.

Caity - posted on 09/08/2012

11

0

0

also people, in this day and age it is nothing unusual for girls as young as 12 to be interested in becoming sexually active, how do you think the mothers of them little girls feel when they see this! we are talking about a 17year old for gosh sakes, we have all been 17 ryt? teenagers are horny beings, no SERIOUSLY that is a well known fact! if this were my daughter i would be too proud of the fact she is suggesting he sleeps on the couch rather than in her own bed, this is being a better role model for her younger sister than most of you are giving her cedit for. Sounds to me like your husband is alowing your daughter his trust, and would rather she be honset about things, at least she is at home and not under a bridge or in a park somewhere, you already know she is doing it, it may as well be safely. All you are teaching your daughter by not allowing this, is that it's ok to have sex as long as it's not at home....when shes not home what is she doing? is she drinking alcohol and under the influences of others her age? older boys? what sorts of decisions is she going to make then? .. what sorts of decisions did you make when your parents were not there? upposed to when they were? sex is a fact of life and is not as taboo as people make it out to be, it's not 1950 anymore, and just because there are a lot of teen mums in the world, don't automatically assume your daughter wants to be one, she maybe really sensible, have you askd yourself if you are giving her enough credit? The most important thing you can do as her mum is talk to her, be there for her and encorage her to be sensible about things... p.s. as a younger sister, i can safely say i'd be watching the 15 year old very carefully now and preparing her for things that may or may not occur in her life, it's a bit late for your oldest she will do it regardless, and to the other person whom like myself has an opinion, DID YOU TEACH UR SON TO WRAP IT UP? MAYBE IF YOU"D TAUGHT HIM TO BE SENSIBLE HE WULDN"T HAVE CAUGHT AN STI, HE"S JUST AS GUILTY, HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE HE DID NOT SLEEP WITH SOME ONE ALSE.. BECAUSE HE SAID SO? how the heck do you compare sex in ur house to drugs in your house? is sex illegal NO, is it killing your daughter NO,, it's nothing the same.

Caity - posted on 09/08/2012

11

0

0

I think that every parent has a different approach as to how they deal with these types of situations, but really your daughter will be 18 on her next birthday a legal adult, my best advise to you would be to show her the same respect you would have appreciated at her age, if she brakes your trust then take the privlage away. Do you honestly think it is fair to make this decision based on your 15 year old childs opinion. There is also a huge diffrence between your daughter and her boyfriend being under your roof in your controlled environment an letting your 15 year old adolescent go OUT of your environment and into someone alses where she cannot be supervised, tell your 15 year old that life is not fair as it is important you do not end up treating your almost 18 year old like she is still 15, i know it may not seem so but there is actually much of a differnce in there age gap, aid your daughter so she becomes a healthy young woman. hope this was of some help.

Teresa - posted on 08/14/2012

10

14

1

No sleepovers! not unless you are going to sit on the loveseat watching him when she becomes an adult and have her own place then she can have as many sleepover with her beau as she wants to.

Maye - posted on 08/14/2012

5

0

0

if where I stay when you have own home may do what want till then hell can freeze over and and unthaw again before i even begin think it would be ok

Sandy - posted on 08/13/2012

27

0

9

NO, NO and NO again! Please trust your instincts on this. I have been in exactly the same situation with my son wanting to sleep with his seventeen year old girlfriend in my house because his girlfriends mother invited him to sleep in her daughter's bed on a regular basis and against my wishes and the wishes of his father. Even though we forbid him to do this he still did because his girlfriends mother was enabling it and had no regard for the rules we set for our son. It became impossible for me to stop my son from going to his girlfriends house because an open invitation to a nineteen year old boy to sleep in his girlfriends bed is nearly impossible for a teenage boy with racing hormones to resist. I should also add that my son ended up contracting a STD from his girlfriend who told him she was a virgin as was he the first time he had sex with her, He later learned she had been sleeping with six other boys before he had relations with her. He now is infected with this STD and desperately fears transmitting it to someone else though he realizes he needs to be honest with whomever he intends to have relations with in the future. Recently he met a very nice girl who he liked and who liked him, and was honest with her about his STD. Even though she liked my son, when she realized he had an STD she became frightened and no longer wanted to date him even though he would have been willing to abstain from sex with her to protect her. I may have gotten a little off track here but I wanted you to know that the sexual experimentation that young kids take so casually today is much riskier and more complicated than they may realize. Though an unwanted pregnancy is a huge concern, it is not the only concern nowadays. I have also heard that Gonerreah, (forgive my spelling) is another STD that may be on the rise because scientists are finding that the virus has mutated in such a way that it is becoming resistant to the treatment typically used to eradicate it. I would also like to add that my son's girlfriends mother knew that her daughter had an STD and tried to hide it instead of being honest out of consideration for my son. When your daughter tells you that they will sleep seperately, she may or may not be telling the truth or consiously believe they will not sleep together but unconciously feel another way. Either way, putting kids in this sort of situation is putting a lot of temptation in front of them. In otherwards they might begin the night sleeping seperately but when the lights are out and you are in your bed sleeping they may decide to sleep together and or have sex and if you are like me and most parents you will not feel comfortable with this or permit it under your roof. Even if you have had your daughter fitted with an IUD for fear of her becoming pregnant, allowing overnights is putting both of them in a vulnerable position and asking for trouble in my opinion. For hundreds of years teenage boyfriends and girlfriends have generally not been encouraged or allowed to sleep at one anothers homes, even if they sleep seperately and there was a reason for this.Not being allowed to have overnights did no one any harm and life went on as usual with no one tramatized as a result. However people are traumatized by unwanted pregnancies and STDS. One thing you may run up against is that your daughter will give you the song and dance parents of teenagers hear all of the time, "well so and so's mother let's her daughter's boyfriend sleep overnight:. Rubbish! Stand your ground and tell your daughter that you do not care what her friends mother allows her daughter to do and allows in her house, that this is your house and you make your rules according to what you believe is best for her. Some parents, (including my son's girlfriend's mother) who condone and allow these "overnights" have the philosophy that "since I know my kids will have sex anyway I would rather they have it here in a safe place". More rubbish. This sort of "reasoning" is the same as saying, " I know my kids will do drugs anyway so I might as well let them do it here where they at least will have clean needles". In otherwards allowing your child to engage in risky behavior is ok as long as they do it in your house! The reality is that risky behavior is risky behavior and the consequences are the same no matter where they engage in the behavior. Another thing you mentioned in your post was that your fifteen year old daughter told you she thinks it would be totally unfair if you allowed this, since you said no to her stying overnight with a male friend. It would be "unfair" as your daughter put it and in allowing your older daughter to have her boyfriend overnight she will have set a precident so that when your fifteen year old is seventeen she will expect to be allowed to do the same thing. If you do make the decision to not allow your daughter to have boyfriends overnight and she says, (but other mother's allow it) and you let her know you are standing your ground and doing what you think is right, your daughter will ultimately respect you more for standing by what you believe in and you will have set an example for her to follow when someday she is tempted to do something other kids are doing that she knows deep down inside is wrong. I also think it's important to communicate firmly with your husband how you feel if you choose to not allow her to have her boyfriend overnight and be sure to tell him how important it is for the two of you to show unity on this decision to your daughter so that she knows this is not just your rule but her father's rule as well. That way she won't be tempted to harp on your husband to allow her to do something you disapprove of and it will lessen the stress within your family once everyone is on the same page. Good luck whatever your decision.

Christina - posted on 07/16/2012

7

0

2

That is a hard one.. I would not allow my daughter to, regardless of what my husband says.. I agree with you 100% of not wanting her to be a teen mother. If she did become a teen mom, then what is she going to do about college and that. Who would watch the baby when she is at school or a job. She does not want to ruin her life and her freedom. She won't be able to go out with friends or what ever. Because most of the time what happens is that the parents end up taking care of the child.. I was young when I became sexually active and I got pregnant twice.. I lost both, but being young and pregnant is not something you, your husband and your daughter want right now.. She has a full life ahead of her and she does not want a baby now. So STAND YOUR GROUND AND she doesn't like it, that is okay she will get over it.

Elisha - posted on 07/12/2012

80

69

7

What does it matter what you say? You've already given her permission to have sex by having the IUD put in her (which are typically suggested for women who have already had at least one child, btw). If she and her boyfriend are already sleeping together, then what exactly is it that you are trying to stand by, here? I mean, if you were teaching her abstinance and respect for her body, then yeah, "no, your boyfriend can't stay the night" would make sense. But you're already giving her permission to act like an adult by being sexually active, so what's the point? Heck, what's the point in not allowing your 15yo to have her boyfriend over, too? Just get her the IUD, because she's obviously gonna do whatever she's gonna do anyway, and both girls must know by now that they don't have to worry about any consequences for their actions.

Rachel - posted on 07/11/2012

13

3

1

There really is no right or wrong answer here... i can say i know i was always told by my mother that no one from the opposite sex could ever spend the nite... i respected that... however i have a lil sister that is 11years younger than me... and it was wY different for her... she was allowed to have her boyfriend sleepover... but they did have alot of rules and they talked to both of them and it very clear to both of them... her boyfriend slept in the basement and she slept 2 floors away upstairs in her room... fhey respected this arrangedment and it works to this day and my lil sister just graduated high school and will be attending college in august... so it truly depends on the personality of ur child... how much u can truly trust ur child... and what ur childs and her bf true intentions are... my sister has had this arrangement in effect since she was 16... it worked well for her... so i hope this was helpful
E

Allison - posted on 07/09/2012

10

0

0

NOOO, trust me, it is the start of things going downhill! I have 21, 19 and 17 year olds in my house still and things have gotten out of control. As I type this, my 19 year old son has a girl in his room. We have asked him repeatedly to not have a girl sleepover. He claims they are just friends and his is just too tired to take her home. Once you say yes to one time, you are opening the door to many other times and you will regret it. My 21 year old son has also had girls over. One night he had three girls in his room!! Both the boys need to be kicked out and it is just beyond stressful for me. They just keep taking advantage of us and not respecting our rules!!! They keep saying to us that they are good guys and don't do drugs or bad things. What do you say to that?

Courtney - posted on 07/06/2012

3

35

0

Really, have you not seen 16 and pregnant? And you don't speak about birth control and your kids as, "I had an IUD put in her last year." She isn't an object, she is your most prized possession. And as for your 15 year old staying with a male friend who isn't a boyfriend, you are setting yourself up for grandkids and STD's faster than a speeding bullet! The only male I was allowed to sleep over at his house with, was my best friend who liked boys and was gayer that Ross Matthews! Get a grip and be a mom, say no and who gives a rat's ass what they want, you are the mother, not a friend. Do what is right and best for them and for their futures!

Christel - posted on 07/06/2012

9

0

0

Real life example for you: my parents always trusted me, at 16-17 I was allowed to stay at my boyfriends, my boyfriend could stay at mine, they didnt rule my life or try to control me. I moved out at 17 and have worked hard since. A schoolfriend of mine had none of that independence or trust, couldn't go out without telling her parents where and probably still had a curfew at 17. I'm now 23, living with my partner, on maternity leave and pregnant with our first child, who will be loved and well taken care of and I feel that I'm as ready for parenthood as any first time mother and will put my child first at all times. My friend, on the other hand, has 2 children aged 5 and 3, who live with her parents after involvement from social services, is unemployed and sees her kids about twice a week. Now tell me that trusting your daughter leads to teenage pregnancy!! 17 is a young adult and while she might not be ready to make her way in the world alone, with the support of her parents she should be allowed to make her own decisions!

Sharlene - posted on 07/05/2012

3,896

241

758

My big fat answer NO, she has got plenty of time to have sleep over's when she's finished school go to Uni and has her own place and a job.

Hope - posted on 07/05/2012

4

0

1

I would say NOPE. If she wants her boyfriend to spend the night, tell her wait til she's old enough to move out then she and her boyfriend can have as many slumber parties as they please!

Amanda - posted on 07/03/2012

19

5

0

I completely understand where your coming from Tabitha and I can respect your opinion. I do have to disagree though.The younger daughter is just that.. Shes younger and therefore, different rules should apply in my mind. They've already established that the 17 year old in on BC and therefore, the pregnant factor is 99.9% not gonna happen. If they were to be inappropriate in any way shape or form while hes there, then the privilege would be taken away. In my mind, it would be a way to show the daughter that shes being given the opportunity to show that shes responsible and mature enough for that. I also wouldn't let it be a nightly or weekly thing.

Tabitha - posted on 07/03/2012

296

10

68

Amanda Flemming...trust or not, it's not just not appropriate for a teenager's boyfriend to stay the night. Innocent until proven guilty? That's fine if you want to take that stance, but your "guilty" verdict could be your daughter getting pregnant before finishing high school...therefore changing her entire future.

Besides the fact that the OP isn't entirely comfortable with it and feeling pressured into it by her daughter and husband, it sets a precedence for the younger daughter as well. Saying yes to one pretty much guarantees that the younger one will be arguing for the same treatment. Wonderful! 2 teenage mothers in the making!

Kelsey - posted on 06/28/2012

2

0

0

I don't feel it is appropriate either that he spend the night, I think that is sending the wrong message to both of your daughters and to the boyfriend.

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2012

19

5

0

A lot of this is just like saying, "dont let your teens drive, they might get in an accident." or "Dont let your teens leave the house, they might break the rules." Where is the trust in the young adults you all have raised? No one can say 100% for sure, that these two responsible young adults will do anything if he stays. Innocent until proven guilty.

Shone - posted on 06/21/2012

15

0

0

Why does he need to spend the night? Does he not have another place to go at night?

Tyla - posted on 06/21/2012

187

0

80

Im telling you this as a mother myself I am now 18 but I gave to my son when I was only 16 and I was married to his father at 17...I think you should say no unless you are going to sleep in her bed with her or sit in the living room all night and make sure he stays on the couch.

Burnadette - posted on 06/20/2012

15

0

1

Okay, this shouldn't be going on. If you as the mother does not approve of her having sex in your house, don't let it happen. They will sneak, teenagers get around things like that. You should just think about it, why do you think she wants him to sleep over, because what would be the point if she weren't to have sex with him?

Johanné - posted on 06/20/2012

5

0

0

She is 17 and mom doesn't worry her being sexually active. Please look at the statistics of cervical cancer of girls being active too young and... what about HIV? The chance that this is her husband for life, is 50%. With how many boyfriends is she going to be sexually active before she meets mister Right? Please mom, wake up, stress it that she is a very bad role model for her 15 year old sister.
Johanné Steyn

Mimi - posted on 06/16/2012

20

0

0

You may want to look up tantra nova dot com to teach young people how to connect in a healthy way.

Carol - posted on 06/12/2012

1

5

0

Why would you allow them to playhouse in your house ? You're the parent set the rules & if they can't abid by them let them go somewhere else.

Mary Ann - posted on 06/11/2012

19

7

0

NO! Go with your instincts. We have intuition for a reason. There are enough hours in a day for her to see him without making it an all nighter. First you condone her sexual activity by getting the IUD put in (yes, i do get it being a neccessity) then she feels entitled to let him sleep over. The next step will be 'you know we are having sex, the couch is uncomfortable/too loud/etc. why can't he just stay in my room'...before long you will be supporting another teenager and doing his laundry. No No No NO NO That is how teens work - give an inch and they take a yard. They need boundaries. They usually only go so far past your solid boundaries, so you are really setting the tone.

Jocelyn - posted on 06/11/2012

3

0

0

Should you allow your 17year old daughter's boyfriend to spend the night? Hell...No!!!!

Eva - posted on 06/09/2012

17

13

1

Bottom line is they are already getting it on and you made a really smart move getting her on BC but still 17 is young to start having sex I am hoping and praying I don't have to do that with both of my girls until they are at least 20 what matters here now is respect for your home I would NOT allow my daughters boyfriend at that age to stay the night no matter if they r already screwing around having sex is a privilege earned and I earned it when I bought my home why should they just be allowed to do it wherever they want tell her men don't buy the cow when they get the milk for free!!

Christel - posted on 06/09/2012

9

0

0

I don't see why a 15 yo and 17 yo should be treated equally, that's a long two years maturity wise! I moved out when I was 17 and worked two jobs, a 17 yo is most certainly not a child!

Cindy - posted on 06/08/2012

9

0

0

absolutely not, they can`t be trusted you have to go to sleep sometime and they willl wait you out...kids are sneaky you were that age once REMEMBER......

Kristy - posted on 06/08/2012

52

17

3

I wouldn't allow it personally, regardless if she is sexually active or not. She can have female friends over but not male. Just don't allow it period end of discussion. If you don't want to risk a teen pregnancy than don't allow the slightest hint of a situation come about where there is a chance that they would end up having sex, if you can help it. You should stick to your guns and just not allow it under your roof, nor do I think you should allow her to spend the night at her boyfriend's house. When she turns 18, graduates school, has a job and a place of her own then she can start making decisions like that on her own. Good luck with it.

Kristina - posted on 06/08/2012

2

0

0

I wouldn't allow it in my house & my daughter is 20. It is your house & if you don't approve then stick to your gut feeling & say NO. You don't want your 15 year old coming to you in two years saying you let...do it, why can't I. I have seven children of my own & they all know the rules.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/08/2012

9,042

21

1999

No, because you wouldn't let your 15 YO stay with her friend.

Keep it fair, mom. Personally, coed sleeping arrangements are not taboo in our house, as my teens go on coed camping trips all the time with no problems.

But, since you said no to one, you better say no to both. Otherwise, I'd have to call you a hypocrite.

Now, if circumstances are that of an emergency situation, such as the one stated by Joanna are occurring, I wouldn't turn him away, but on general principle, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If one daughter cannot have coed sleepovers, neither can the other. Period

Tracy - posted on 06/07/2012

8

9

1

I used to be a 17 yr old dating at 20 yr old guy ( who is now my hubby - was my best friends older brother, NOT a stranger). My parents forbid my from dating him without all the facts, but I knew I wanted to marry him. So for about 2 years I snuck around, dating him. When I finally told my parents they said they always new I was with him, but I said yea, but you never knew WHERE I was. That make you feel better dad? I swore tht I would never make my kids do that, I may not like or know the guy, but I would rather they be with me instead of lying and sneaking around. kids are going to do things, but you have to make the choice on what you want them bending or breaking the rules on. I guess I would ask why is he spending the night? For no reason, then I guess no. But if there is a reason I would consider it. Hope this helps!

Samantha - posted on 06/07/2012

8

1

0

Let's face it teens have sex and you can't stop them. Good on you for getting an IUD for her. And as far as him sleeping over. If they are in a committed relationship and have been for a period of time why not let him sleep over. They are probly in love and want to play house ya know

Ashley - posted on 06/07/2012

19

0

0

I don't see why not. My parents allowed me to do this during my senior year of high school and it kind of made it a nonissue once I got to college. Show them some trust, but if your catch them doing anything then I'd reevaluate the situation!

[deleted account]

as long as you are OK with the immense possibility that will have sex, that is up to you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it can't or won't happen... I think that the IUD birth control is wise, but STD and HIV is also a concern. so condoms would be an added bonus. if you are not OK with her having sex in your home, then I vote no. just a few questions to ponder in making your decision. What message are you sending the kids by allowing them to have sleep overs with BF/ GF or even friends of the opposite sex? We are cool hip "progressive" parents? if so again that is fine, however, Kids still need and respect even when they protest loudly, that fact that someone loved them enough to set limits and clear boundaries. hope that helps you sort out what is right for your family.

Anne - posted on 06/02/2012

1

0

0

My 16 year old daughter and her ‘friend’ had sleepovers and we all knew they were just friends. One day that changed and they became boyfriend/girlfriend, by then it was too late to change the rules. We still put the spare mattress in her room when he slept over, however we knew they were sleeping together, but they knew our expectations that he would sleep on the mattress and to this date keep up appearances, even if only for us. They both come from families that have educated them on safe sex etc. and we have met each others parents and they know our expectations. His mom does not allow them to sleep in the same room at her house, but respects our decision in our house as she agrees that they are not out at some park/beach etc. taking uneccessary risks. The respect her rules and obey them in her house. My husband wishes to remain in denial about their relationship, however they have been honest with me and have told me they lost their virginity to each other. I don’t nescessarily want to know the details, but I am happy that they are comfortable in speaking to me about their relationship. I don’t know if our choices are right, but by the respect that they show us, I believe we have made the right decision.

Carolyn - posted on 05/31/2012

2

0

0

my daughter who is 18 said the husband can sleep in the livingroom with the boyfriend.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms