Should i allow my husband to go to a strip club?

Cami - posted on 06/24/2009 ( 2130 moms have responded )

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My husband is 20 years old, he is in the military, and we obviously got married young, and we have a daughter and im 8 months pregnant with his son. He has a single dad that has a wild life style with drugs, alcohol, and girls. i was just wondering if i should allow him to go to a strip club with his dad or even his friends? Help

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Penny - posted on 06/24/2009

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Cami,

In my opinion your husband is just that your husband..not your child, when you say allow him that is rather speaking of your relationship as that of a mother-son.. From past experiences even if you tell him not to go he will do it anyway; so a word from a wise old lady, pray secretly for your husband and let the voice of God change him not you. hope this helps.

Samantha - posted on 06/24/2009

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I agree. the key to this issue is communication. The phrase "allowing" him to do something implies that he is a child. You should tell him how you feel and hope he makes the right decision.

Amanda - posted on 06/25/2009

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Strip joints do not break up healthy relationships, a controling wife does. Your husband is not your dog, or child, he has a mind of his own, and will do as he pleases. When men are told what they can and can not do, they lose respect for their wives and do as they please to begain with. As for cheating, a man will cheat, no matter where he decides to drink. Most men wont touch a stripper, but that cute little girl at the end of the bar in his local pub is totally doable, or how about the neighbour down the road that says hi to him daily with a smile on her face. Or most mens fav, a co worker. Strip joints are not the bowls of hell where men suddenly have no self control, and the devil takes over their bodys to ruin your marriages. Take some responsiblity for your marriage, open the commuication, and learn to trust your man again or he will be finding another bed to lay in again.

Angela - posted on 06/24/2009

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It is not an easy decision for you to make. Does he want to go, or does he too scared to say no to his father? Personally, I would not happy about it, as this sort of thing is done before one gets married and starts a family. His father also needs to not influence him in a negative way. Sit down and talk to him about it, and let him know how you feel about him going there, don't bring his father into it. Its not easy being married and a mom, but you need to communicate with each other and be honest. Good Luck

Carmen - posted on 06/24/2009

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Trust your gut instincts. Treat him how you want to be treated as well. It will all work out in the end.

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2130 Comments

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Katrina - posted on 08/02/2009

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I see there being nothing wrong with a man going to a strip club. You cannot allow or not allow a grown man to do anything. He isn't your child, he is your partner. If him going to a strip club upsets you then he should have enough respect for your feelings not to go. But if you're secure in your relationship, a night out with the boys will not change that. I've gone to the strip clubs with my partner, it spices things up and keeps things interesting.

Odessa - posted on 07/30/2009

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No you should not allow him to go to strip clubs. he should only have eyes for you now, thats why you got married to be with each othe only. If he still wanted to look at other woman he should have stayed single. once you allow it he will continue to do it. he will say, you let me do it than, so whats the problem. he should put that energy into you and your soon to be born son. you guys should ge his life now. i definately say NO. He has to grow up now and learn to be responsible. he now has a family, and his father should encourage him to step up and be a family man, not go to strip clubs. you can even look at his father as an example of it not being the right thing to do. why is his father still going to strip clubs. the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. so i say dont let him go, you can do whatever it is he wants to see at the clubs, big belly and all. lol.

[deleted account]

If you have a healthy stable relationship, there should be no reason not to let him go. My husband is 23 and I am 24, and I would have no issue with him going. I know that if he was to go there is not attraction to other women. If you know you can trust him, that he loves you (and only you), and you have been given no reason by him to believe that he can not behave, let him go and don't hold it against him. His dad may have had a wild life style, but that doesn't he is the same. Communicate with him and it will make you feel better.

Laura - posted on 07/29/2009

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you have to trust him ... you have to let them have there guy time .. so he dont feel sufficated ,,

Laura - posted on 07/29/2009

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you have to trust him ... you have to let them have there guy time .. so he dont feel sufficated ,,

Rochelle - posted on 07/29/2009

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Allow him to go? could you stop him? perhaps the question should be "should he go?" and the answer is NO! One thing always leads to another. First he "just looking", then he's "tipping" with money he could be putting into a college fund for his children, before long he's paying for lap dances. see where this is going? and if he's already cheated on you, chances are after kicking back a few beers, he'd do it again. Apprently you have forgiven him for the first time he cheated and the two of you are trying to work things out. If he's really trying to work things out, he wouldn't think twice about going to a strip club. Tell him how it makes you feel when he goes to those type of places, and if he continues to go then he doesn't respect or care about you very much.

Sereima Rokonawati Lala - posted on 07/27/2009

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I am not a marriage counsellor but I hope I can be of help.



Firstly, I can understand how difficult it is being married at a young age. This is the age where young adults would still love to have adventures.



Of course I would say, "Don't allow your husband to go because it could tempt him to do things which he might regret later". I can understand that you are in a dilemma of whether to allow your husband to go. I am just wondering if you have had the chance to talk about this with your husband and let him know how you would feel. It's always good to talk about things as a couple. As long as both of you are happy.

Ronelle - posted on 07/27/2009

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The answer is actually easy. It's NO!!!!! How can he go there and think that he is not cheating on you? How can you feel safe with that idea?

Sunny - posted on 07/26/2009

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if he respects you and loves his family he will not do anything. If you tell him no it looks like your being his parent. I use to dance and there are respectable clubs out there, but there are those few dancers that do do extra stuff on the side and give us other entertainers a bad name. your really in the nice ones cant touch they have those big ass bouncers that come around and say no touching. just dont let them go to the vip room./ i worked in dallas and i had to dance for soomeone there and with another entertainer and she did stuff and i was like i dont care how much money you make up there ill stick with the normal 20 lap dance down stairs lol. but i think hell be fine. if he is going to stray it wont be at a strip club it would be on base.

Amy - posted on 07/24/2009

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Allow? How can you "allow" a grown adult to go anywhere? Marriage is not a dictatorship.



The most you can say is that you would prefer he wouldn't and give him the reasons why. Otherwise you'll just be telling him what to do and I can tell you from experience NO SELF RESPECTING MAN IS GOING TO GO FOR A WOMAN TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO. He'll most likely go to the strip club to defy you and keep from being emasculated. That could cause your relationship some serious damage.

Amy - posted on 07/24/2009

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It's not a matter of you allowing him. He's a grown man. Why don't you tell him how it would make you feel if he went and see what his decision is then.

Cheryl - posted on 07/23/2009

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Hi! Cami, You are obviously not happy about the thought that he wants to go to a strip club. I am wondering if he has already been and now feeling guilty because he knows how you feel! I don't think it would be wise to say NO I won't allow it but probably explain that you would not like him to go it makes you feel uncomfortable knowing he is there. However strip clubs vary dramatically some are quite tasteful and just present a nice atmosphere - can you find out what the place is like before you create an issue?

Just ask him about it-always communicate - never assume.

Stephanie - posted on 07/23/2009

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My husband and I have been together for 13 years. His dad was known as the town alcoholic and got into some trouble in his day. Several thought my husband would be the same way. He has proven everyone wrong. You just have to trust them to do the right thing. If you have doubts, talk to him about it. Don't be critical, and don't accuse. I have found that is the worst thing to do.

Crystal - posted on 07/23/2009

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girl no tell him if he wants to go to the strip club that he can live there he has you to look at and if he doesn't want you to be his private stripper then he has issues.

Ludie - posted on 07/23/2009

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You know - I wouldn't have a problem with him going with his friends, but his dad is another story. I'm not sure that I would be comfortable with my husband hanging around with some one with those habits. It just doesn't sound healthy. But - that's something you two will need to discuss together. Good luck!

Maria - posted on 07/23/2009

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Is it me or most of the people saying no are younger people? My husband (30yo) and I(26yo) have been together 7yrs and have 3 beautiful daughters. He needs man time and man time includes drinking some beers and going to the strip club.I personally don't see the problem with letting him to go the strip club. My husband goes a couple of times a year with his friends and I trust him. Sometimes I go with him and we have a blast. We are secure in our relationship. Plus he didn't have a problem when my girlfriends and I went to go see the Chippendale's dancers when they came to town. I just think people need to relax. At least he's not addicted to porn.

Maria - posted on 07/23/2009

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Is it me or most of the people saying no are younger people? My husband (30yo) and I(26yo) have been together 7yrs and have 3 beautiful daughters. He needs man time and man time includes drinking some beers and going to the strip club.I personally don't see the problem with letting him to go the strip club. My husband goes a couple of times a year with his friends and I trust him. Sometimes I go with him and we have a blast. We are secure in our relationship. Plus he didn't have a problem when my girlfriends and I went to go see the Chippendale's dancers when they came to town. I just think people need to relax. At least he's not addicted to porn.

Maria - posted on 07/23/2009

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Is it me or most of the people saying no are younger people? My husband (30yo) and I(26yo) have been together 7yrs and have 3 beautiful daughters. He needs man time and man time includes drinking some beers and going to the strip club.I personally don't see the problem with letting him to go the strip club. My husband goes a couple of times a year with his friends and I trust him. Sometimes I go with him and we have a blast. We are secure in our relationship. Plus he didn't have a problem when my girlfriends and I went to go see the Chippendale's dancers when they came to town. I just think people need to relax. At least he's not addicted to porn.

Maria - posted on 07/23/2009

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Is it me or most of the people saying no are younger people? My husband (30yo) and I(26yo) have been together 7yrs and have 3 beautiful daughters. He needs man time and man time includes drinking some beers and going to the strip club.I personally don't see the problem with letting him to go the strip club. My husband goes a couple of times a year with his friends and I trust him. Sometimes I go with him and we have a blast. We are secure in our relationship. Plus he didn't have a problem when my girlfriends and I went to go see the Chippendale's dancers when they came to town. I just think people need to relax. At least he's not addicted to porn.

Nicole - posted on 07/23/2009

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I don't know about you "allowing" him to go, but he definitely should NOT go, strictly out of respect for you. The fact that he married young should not excuse his respect for his family. I would think that being in the military, he would want to be removed from a life of drugs and alcohol. As far as other girls go, he is married! You and your daughter are his girls! Besides that, would he want to go to a strip club if you, your daughter, or any other female he is related to were performing there? Time for the double standard to be put to rest!!!

Andrea - posted on 07/23/2009

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The question you sould be asking yourself is, "do you trust him enough to be okay with him going"? He's a grown man. And weather you like it or not he may want to go out with his friends, even to a strip club. You want to know if you should "allow" him to go, but that's really not your choice. He's your partner not your child, so getting your permission is something that he really doesn't need. I know it sounds harsh, but its realistic. If you have a problem with him going, talk to him. I can understand your concern, but he might not see it the same way as you. And if he decied to go despite how you feel, ask yourself if you're okay with that. If nopt then you may have a bigger problem than him going to a trip club.



Goodluck!

Schlinea - posted on 07/22/2009

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I would say yes... U really cant do to much touching there n its not gonna hurt ne thing as long as he is coming home to u at the end of the night... If u dnt feel comfortable go with him

Kim - posted on 07/22/2009

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Cami... I have to ask the question. You had mention that your husband has cheated. Before he cheated, did you ever truly think that he would ever cheat on you? I am reading through these replies and the one thing that people need to realize is never say your husband wouldn't cheat no matter how much trust him. We as wives only want to believe that deep down inside that our husband will be faithful. I have never once said my husband will never be unfaithful nor will I ever make a comment like that. The women that have made comments, really need to wake up a bit. Trust is one thing, but then again a married man in a strip club is truly disrespecting you. In todays world there are many places for men to hang out besides a strip club... I do believe in boys night out. Temptation is all around us it seems pointless to me to go out asking for it. What has the world become? In my opinion a married man in a strip clup is only fishing around for something he shouldn't, You know that saying... they want their cake and eat it too. Morales in todays world have become pretty much depleted and it is very sad and only getting worse. I am a wee bit older than you and have seen some replies that as you get older, being ok with you husband going to a strip bar is really funny to me. I think these women have lost respect for themselves or they may just have a husband that does what he pleases. I would say you are young and stand your ground now... don't try to do it later... it won't work! I wouldn't have a long drawn out conversation with your husband about this... simply tell him you do not agree with it. Let him know that if he wants to go out fishing... Cami buy him a boat and send him off to the lake with his buddies. :-) Thats good quality time!!! The way life should be.

Karen - posted on 07/22/2009

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I simply cannot comprehend why this would even be in question!?!?!?! But then again I don't condone strip clubs period. You should be his only desire. Likewise for you young lady. Simply looking is considered lust and sinful. My Christian beliefs do not allow for behavior such as this. I recommend both of you find, look long and hard, for a church and get your whole family there at every opportunity. Being involved in a Christian church will change your lives for the better.

Homa - posted on 07/22/2009

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I think you should try to get him with a good church with people who will help him through this. You can not control his behavior unless he wants to change. keep praying for him and his father.

Heather - posted on 07/22/2009

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I had this problem with my ex-husband! One day I took our twin sons to the hospital to check on their apnea, and when I returned he wasn't home. When I went looking for him, he was a strip joint BY HIMSELF. I walked in and he was drinking and talking to a cheeky little blonde. Needless to say i was not pleased, and I slapped him in front of the whole strip club, lets just say you could hear a pin drop after that happened.



You might hear a line like this: "You have to trust me, I only have eyes for you and you are the one I married" Ok, well if this is the case what is the point of going? I used to think it was ok as long as the man was hanging with friends, but seriously, this type of place might be alright for your husband's dad, but trust me it isn't for you, because in the back of your mind you will always wonder, "Are those girls better than me?" This will haunt you and it will drive you mad. So my suggestion to you is to say NO!!!! If this causes a problem, and your husband gets offensive, simply state "then fine, once our son is born, every wed, thur or friday, I'm going to the male strip bar or out with friends, while you stay home with the kids." See what he says and if this is a problem for him then you have your battleground. Good Luck!

Tammy - posted on 07/22/2009

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Go with him and see how he acts with you around. I wouldn't let him go with his dad if is dad is into all the other things. Ask him why he feels he needs to go to these places

Lavon - posted on 07/22/2009

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hell no and excuse my lanuage but why do he need to go to the strip club you can strip for him your self i dont agree with a married man going to a strip club

Jaquacer - posted on 07/22/2009

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Hell no! That will just open up the idea of looking and lusting over women half naked is ok! Now can you stop him from going, probably not... but you don't have to agree with it so that he then thinks you are ok with the whole idea.

Hannah - posted on 07/22/2009

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hahhaa no i wouldn't if my boy friend even did that i would go nuts at him,doesnt it not make you feel erghh!!!! about your self.i would.i would be thinking i am not doing some thing right xx

[deleted account]

Your husband should not go to a strip club...ever. Why do you think his dad is single?

I guarantee you that if his dad influences him, and they drink and do drugs together, that there will be girls there as well. You....big belly..eight months pregnant? Nude girls in strip clubs..there to please the men (for money) ??? Uh...get a clue. Your husband is not your child. It is not up to you to "allow" him to do anything. He needs to love you enough to choose you and his family lifestyle over his father's immature reckless lifestyle. Both of you need counseling, from a faith based counselor or your pastor. If he is insisting on following in his father's footsteps, I'm afraid that you will be raising your children alone. You are his wife. Why would he desire to see another woman naked? Wouldn't this make you feel bad? Is this why you got married? Isn't he actually saying, "I want to see other women naked because I am not ready to settle down with you and our kids?" Speak to your husband and ask him if he had a happy and normal childhood. It's not likely. Ask him if he wants the same for his children. There are more issues to consider than the strip club. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2009

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I know where you are coming from. I was married to a military man and he wanted to do the same thing. I did not agree with it. I am now married to a diifferent man and I asked him your question. He said that when you get married you put those days behind you. He feels that it would make me feel like less of a women to him and it would be disrespecting me and he does not want me to feel that way.

Cathy - posted on 07/22/2009

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go with him. I went with my husband. I was curious. I wanted to see what all the hype was about. It wasn't as bad as I made it to be in my head. Plus, he really liked it that I went. Hasn't asked since.

Clare - posted on 07/22/2009

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Ask him wait till you are not pregnant and then go with him! I took my husband to one and bought him a lapdance for his birthday. If you are included then it becomes less about looking at other women and more fun for both of you.

[deleted account]

I am admittedly possessive...having said that, no I would not let my husband go to a strip club (especially with such a negative influence). If he persists, tell him you want to go to a male strip club one night with some girlfriends while he watches your daughter. Tit for tat, I always say.

[deleted account]

Yes! He is only 20, you BOTH have to live a little you know. Dont wait till your older to have fun and your kids shouldnt put a hold on your life either. Maybe you could go with him even. I have been with my husband and with my girlfriends. It's harmless fun.

Natasha - posted on 07/21/2009

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The truth is that when a man looks at a women and has lustful thoughts in his mind about her it is ADULTRY. When you get married you are one and there should be no others in his thoughts, but as the wise woman above said. God loves us unconditionally and with him this situation can be turned around. Communicate is all you can really do. And the best communication line we have is to God. We are his daughters and he cares for us more then a earthly father can. He cares for you and all the pain that has come into your heart through this situation. I've been married for 5 years and have been though alot in this time. But I can say that because of my relationship with Jesus I have seen him have his way in my marriage and has done a work in my husband that only he can do. He knows him better than I so who better to give the situation to. I say "There is no problem bigger than my God". Give your life to him and your situation to him and watch his love abode.

Robyn - posted on 07/21/2009

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The fact that you are asking this question means you should either go with him of ask him not to go.

Sherie - posted on 07/21/2009

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absolutely not....if he values you, your children and your marriage then he wouldn't even think of going. my mom used to say that if you let a boy french kiss you it will just lead to other things..well if he thinks it's ok to go to a club then it's just a matter of time before something else happens..one bad thing will lead to another...you also are not his mother. I wouldn't put him in the position to chose you or the club. you both need to see where your priorities are because it doesn't sound like you are on the same page. i've been married 16 years next month, and i have been through a lot...also married young...since my husband has become a christian my marriage has blossomed more than i could imagine....putting God in your life first does make a difference...I wish you luck, and many years to come....God Bless

Sherie - posted on 07/21/2009

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absolutely not....if he values you, your children and your marriage then he wouldn't even think of going. my mom used to say that if you let a boy french kiss you it will just lead to other things..well if he thinks it's ok to go to a club then it's just a matter of time before something else happens..one bad thing will lead to another...you also are not his mother. I wouldn't put him in the position to chose you or the club. you both need to see where your priorities are because it doesn't sound like you are on the same page. i've been married 16 years next month, and i have been through a lot...also married young...since my husband has become a christian my marriage has blossomed more than i could imagine....putting God in your life first does make a difference...I wish you luck, and many years to come....God Bless

Tamara - posted on 07/21/2009

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First. ask yourself; "Is it my responsibility to control my husband"? Women, since the beginng of time have tried to change their husbands, but has it really been effective? I've seen many marriages touched and transformed because one in the relationship, took responsibility for their own actions, and then simply prayed, "Jesus, help me and my husband to trust you with our lives, our marriage, and our family". Then, if it seems to be the right time, earnestly,but clearly talk to him and tell him that you need to be cherished as a woman, but especially as his wife and that you desire to respect him, but that it is hard to repect him when he's lusting after other naked women. Keep communication lines open. Then I'd suggest that you rent the movie, "Fireproof"! "Nothing is impossible with GOD"!!!

Danielle - posted on 07/21/2009

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and another thing....if a man is going to cheat he will not tell you and it more than likely will not be at a strip club!

Danielle - posted on 07/21/2009

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First off I do allow my husband to go to a strip club. He doesn't go all the time, but has gone for a couple of bachelor parties. I trust him and I know he would never cheat! He knows he can come home and tell me everything that happened and I will not freak out on him and I personally believe this makes our relationship stronger. We trust each other and know that there are times we will go out alone. In your situation, I think I would be more concerned with the fact that his dad is into drugs/alcohol. That can be a dangerous combo. Be more concerned with your husband's safety. Going to a strip club will not kill him but the other could! Just my thoughts.

[deleted account]

Ask one of Your family members to babysit and offer to go along!...put any jealousy aside ...go and have fun!

Mary - posted on 07/21/2009

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it needs to be his decision, but hopefully he will prefer to stay home with you...

Susanna - posted on 07/21/2009

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My husband is also in the military. We got married at 19, young as well. Is there anything sexual or intimate in what the women at a strip club do, what he would be watching? Yes there is.... Personally I do not feel comfortable with my husband taking part in that type of thing. He knows this, and because he loves and respects me, he makes the choice not to go to places like that.



Let me ask you, what will you be doing if you know that he is away at a strip club? Will it be on your mind? Will it bother you? Will it affect your feelings toward him in any negative way? Will it affect your sexual relationship? If your answer to any of those is yes (I'm thinking it is, or you wouldn't have even asked this question), then it would probably be a good idea to let him know how you feel. You have to be careful how you do it though. If you come across as whiny, needy, clingy, or controlling, the chances that he'll go (even secretly) are much higher. No matter how you feel inside, you must only let him see the confidant side of you. The side he can respect and admire.

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