Should i allow my husband to go to a strip club?

Margie - posted on 07/10/2009

I've been married 40 years and my husband has never gone to a strip club. I'm absolutely sure he hasn't missed it. 40 yrs. ago or now, I say No Way.

Margie - posted on 07/10/2009

I've been married 40 years and my husband has never gone to a strip club. I'm absolutely sure he hasn't missed it. 40 yrs. ago or now, I say No Way.

Shel-Lee - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting Donna:

I would have to say no. I dont think it matters who hes going with it a been sign of disrespect to you.

That's just stupid to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL MEN (and women ) Look!!!! It's a simple fact of human nature that everyone looks!!!!!! At the beach or elsewhere!!!! Girls these days wear next to nothing to go to the grocery store!!! EVERYBODY LOOKS!!!!!!!!

Shel-Lee - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting sarah:

no its not right, he should be happy for what hes got at home waiting for him not what he can put money into..... married or not no man whos in a relationship should go places like that

I've been married for12 years ( we got married when we were young as well ), and like I said before, if u are willing to participate, there is a lot less chance of philandering!!!! Remember that a marriage is made up of comprimise. If he is ok with u being there then there is nothing wrong with it!!!!!!! I know that u are pregnant, but if u say that u are willing to go, it'll make him say WOW, I'VE GOT A GREAT WIFE!!!!....If u have forgiven about the past then leave it in the past!!! It's NOT POSSIBLE to move on if u keep reminding him of his indescretions!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/10/2009

I think you should let him go, depending on what kind of guy HE is. If he has never given you any reasons in the past to not trust him, I think it's okay.

Karen - posted on 07/10/2009

I would like to just say NO....because I told mine there is no way....The worst is when people act like it's got to do with some sort of insecurity. For me it is out of respect for the other women...I don't say no because I don't trust him, I say NO because I have helped women get out of that 'lifestyle' and listened to their stories. So, that tends to be my reason to him. If he were to go I guess I would lose respect for him , but, as Penny Mitchell below states 'From past experiences even if you tell him not to go he will do it anyway; so a word from a wise old lady, pray secretly for your husband and let the voice of God change him not you'



...I would have to agree with her.

Christine - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting Alana:

If a guy ever cheated on me and i took him back and he wanted to go to a strip club, that would be it with me. Thats just rubbing it in your face!

I agree 100 % !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  On a side note though... You two need a foundation of a belief system that you both can agree on. Wether it is spiritualy or just what you two consider morals/values .  Depending on what your beliefs are,that will help you answer thew question. For example, if you believe looking at another perosn of the opasite sex naked is considered "adultary" then that is cheating.  I believe that myself,so I consider that cheating. Unfortunately my husband does not share the same beliefs as i do and I know he is gonig to do what he wants regardless.

If I find out he has done somethng and have proof, I wil lhave to make the decision to leave him. But for now, I will continue to pray in secret that he does the right thing accordin to God.

Also, leaving god out of the picture, any guy who does this thing is either imature,or lacks morals. Especialy if he has a family. I understand he is very young (when you are in your 30's you'll realize how "young" a 20yr old "man" really is ) . He may have not gotten that chance to "grow up" when he married you. But becuase he is now married and has children, he has to take that responsibility and grow up anyway ,no matter what, because if god is not #1 in his life, than YOU and his kids must at least be #1 !!

So with that said, if you are #1 , he needs to respect how YOU feel ,more than he feels when it comes to that sort of thing.

Rebecca - posted on 07/10/2009

YES I BELIVE THAT N HE TRUELY LOVE U N HIS KIDS THEN HE WOULD TELL HIS FATHER NO , A FACT WHAT DOSE THOSE OTHE GIRL HAVE THAT U DONT ALL READY HAVE U NEED TO ASK HIM THAT ? N SEE WHAT HE SEE N THEN IF HE GOOD IT MEAN HE REALLY DONT CARE HOW U FELL

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

no its not right, he should be happy for what hes got at home waiting for him not what he can put money into..... married or not no man whos in a relationship should go places like that

Rebecca - posted on 07/10/2009

U KNOW WHAT I WOULD SAY NO BECAUSE I HAVE A SON N DAUGHTER N THIER FATHER ARE SON WAS JUST BORN N WE WENT TO ONE OF HIS FRIENDS HOUSE N HE HAD HIS FRIEND BROUGHT ME HOME N I WAS PISS BIG I STAY IN OUR ROOM N I HAD ATTTUIDE THAT HOLD NIGHT N THE NEXT DAY THEN I REMBER HE WENT OUT WITH HIS BROTHER N COUSIN BUT HE TOLD TO LEAVE MY SON WITH HIS MOTHER N I TOLD HIM NO I TAKE MY SON N WEN T TO MY FATHER HOUSE I WAS PISS AGAIN SO DONT WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I WROTE BEFORE BUT I WOULD TELL HIM U EVER STAY HOME WITH ME OR GET THE HELL IF U WHAT THAT TYPE OF LIFE

Shel-Lee - posted on 07/10/2009

Tell him that it's a great idea only if you can go!!!!! My hubby is only allowed to go if i'm there!!!! Usually men love it when their wives are involved ( especially if you tip a dancer )!!!! You have to keep in mind that it's all a show, a visad so to speak!!!! all men are going to look whether or not they're at the beach or a strip club so you might as well be involved, and be understanding about it!!! Also, not all men enjoy it!!! Some get extremely embarrassed about it!!!

Shel-Lee - posted on 07/10/2009

Tell him that it's a great idea only if you can go!!!!! My hubby is only allowed to go if i'm there!!!! Usually men love it when their wives are involved ( especially if you tip a dancer )!!!! You have to keep in mind that it's all a show, a visad so to speak!!!! all men are going to look whether or not they're at the beach or a strip club so you might as well be involved, and be understanding about it!!! Also, not all men enjoy it!!! Some get extremely embarrassed about it!!!

Donna - posted on 07/10/2009

I would have to say no. I dont think it matters who hes going with it a been sign of disrespect to you.

Verlene - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting Claudia:

Quoting Heidi:

I guess I really trust my husband because I have and would again let him go. He also knows that I have one rule..." She cant touch you and you cant touch her. " and you know what I mean by touch. As a matter of fact his best man and the other guys in our wedding took him there the night before our wedding. They told me they went to the Casino and gambled. Well, he felt so guilty that at our reception he had to tell me the truth. I say if you really trust him to keep to himself and refuse any influence that the "guys" can have on him let him go! Our best man even told me he bought my husband a lap dance and had to take it himself because my husband refused!! I guess I have a keeper!

It shouldn't be an issue of trust but respect for you.

I agree with the issue of respect. Sure I would let him go but then I would devorce him for cheating on me

Cheryl - posted on 07/10/2009

Well Cami... alot of people have alot of different opinions... I guess first of all if I were in your place, I'd pray. Then it would be a matter of deciding what you want. Being harsh and overbearing to him would only make things worse... but he needs to respect how you feel about it. I myself can't be with anyone who watches another woman stripping because I have low self esteem, and every time I'd be with that person I'd be wondering if they were thinking of someone else while they were with me. Personally, I think you should explain to him how you feel, trying to use "I" statements, and let him make his own decision. If you can't live with his choices, then you do have choices to make. I stayed in a bad marriage "for the kids" and it was a mistake. I bent over backwards and let him do anything and everything he wanted, and he still wasn't happy and took it out on us. Not saying that is true in your case. If you are against him going for good reasons, then he would hopefully weigh the pros and cons and decide if viewing other women is worth the strain it would put on your marriage as well as how it would affect the kids. He may want to ask himself the question "later on when he's older would he want HIS daughter up there on the stage and himself and his dad walk in on it?" I've learned from parenting that children see, children do and if he or his dad see nothing wrong with it, then would they want that senario? Sorry if I offended anyone, but thats a factor I put into everything I do.... Would I want my children doing the same thing or involved in the same thing?

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2009

He a is young ur right but telling him know is going to make him want it more like a child but giving that little bit of freedom is ok just remerber who he is coming home to...

Chanda Harrison - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think that it is a good idea for a married man with a daughter to go to a strip club. All that is going to do is bring negativity to your marraige.I can't understand how men can go to a strip club and hand out dollars to young women who also have fathers that are probably devastated at their occupation. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want his daughter to be in that situation when she is a woman so it confuses me to see men interested in something that they would forbid their daughter to do... I would say to sit down and discuss things that you both agree are okay and not okay to do or be involved with.. If you allow him to make all of his decisions without your input early in your marriage then that is how it will be later in your relationship.. I would def. let him know your decision on the matter and if it is going to upset you if he goes then it is not worth him going and causing his pregnant wife any stress. He should find another way to enjoy himself...

Chanda Harrison - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think that it is a good idea for a married man with a daughter to go to a strip club. All that is going to do is bring negativity to your marraige.I can't understand how men can go to a strip club and hand out dollars to young women who also have fathers that are probably devastated at their occupation. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want his daughter to be in that situation when she is a woman so it confuses me to see men interested in something that they would forbid their daughter to do... I would say to sit down and discuss things that you both agree are okay and not okay to do or be involved with.. If you allow him to make all of his decisions without your input early in your marriage then that is how it will be later in your relationship.. I would def. let him know your decision on the matter and if it is going to upset you if he goes then it is not worth him going and causing his pregnant wife any stress. He should find another way to enjoy himself...

Leighann - posted on 07/10/2009

This world is full of temtations! The devil wants to still kill and destroy our families and this is one of the many devices he uses to do it. Help from the Word of God see Galatians 5:16-26. I hope this helps. Communication is key. Best of Luck.

Leighann - posted on 07/10/2009

This world is full of temtations! The devil wants to still kill and destroy our families and this is one of the many devices he uses to do it. Help from the Word of God see Galatians 5:16-26. I hope this helps. Communication is key. Best of Luck.

Shawn - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting Cami:

Should i allow my husband to go to a strip club?

My husband is 20 years old, he is in the military, and we obviously got married young, and we have a daughter and im 8 months pregnant with his son. He has a single dad that has a wild life style with drugs, alcohol, and girls. i was just wondering if i should allow him to go to a strip club with his dad or even his friends? Help

There is no reason your husband should be going to a strip club. He is a father and a husband and should leave room for singles to go to those places....Shawn

Charlene - posted on 07/10/2009

I would say talk to him about it, be honest about how you feel about it without nagging him, but in the end you have to let it be his decision. Just to tell you, in most cases, a man going to a strip club is more about going out with they guys where they can get away from the women for a bit, than it is seeing naked women. Men don't act the same at a stripe club as woman when they go. Some guys go for more, and you know what type of man he is, and the type of friends he has, and how much influence his dad has over him.

Rita - posted on 07/10/2009

Well to me they are over priced and my husband is a penny pincher which I think is great. He knows he can get more from home. He does go for batchler parties and sometimes lunch (for the specials). I do not see a problem with that. So, to each their own.

Dianna - posted on 07/10/2009

with his dad....why not...?....every once in a while (as in once or twice a year)...

I wouldn't be okay with my husband frequenting a strip club....so a couple of times a year,...like his birthday or after a rock concert..or hanging out with a large group...GO WITH HIM...!!!.....not only will he get his strip club fix, but you will look like the coolest wife ever....my husband doesn't feel the need to go without me.....I trust him, I get my lap dances, he gets his.....and I'm not bisexual.....I love that we can do that together and I realize there is nothing to fear....good luck

Heather - posted on 07/10/2009

Simply put his disappointment over not seeing stranger's T and A SHOULD be extremely minimal since he could do other things w/ dad. But if he goes and you do not feel fine w/ it inside those feelings will fester and last a hell of a lot longer and have much farther reaches. So HE should know this and choose to do another activity w/ dad because HE loves and respects YOU. you cant help if it makes you uneasy esp. since he cheated and when you weigh the consequences of him going to a strip club or not well I would hope he was smart enough to pick the best option in regards to the future happiness of the kids his wife and himself :)

Christie - posted on 07/10/2009

I agree with Angela Mostert's reply. Communication is the foundation of a marriage. I personally would not want my husband 'hanging out' with his dad if he has a style of drugs, alcohol and girls. The dad is Supposed to be a role model for his son. Most people tend to turn into the same people they hang out with.

Denise - posted on 07/10/2009

I would say let him go, You have to believe that you can trust your husband so nothing is gonna happen. But dont let him make a habit of going out all the time either. guys will feel trapped very quickly so you have to give them room to breathe if you know what i mean....i hope all works out for you! good luck

Denise - posted on 07/10/2009

I would say let him go, You have to believe that you can trust your husband so nothing is gonna happen. But dont let him make a habit of going out all the time either. guys will feel trapped very quickly so you have to give them room to breathe if you know what i mean....i hope all works out for you! good luck

Denise - posted on 07/10/2009

I would say let him go, You have to believe that you can trust your husband so nothing is gonna happen. But dont let him make a habit of going out all the time either. guys will feel trapped very quickly so you have to give them room to breathe if you know what i mean....i hope all works out for you! good luck

Paula - posted on 07/10/2009

personally, I think its diprespectful. I would be hurt if my husband went to a strip club.

Amy - posted on 07/10/2009

My thoughts-

While you two are young, you have made a decision to be together(I'm guessing for better or worse and all that). He has made a commitment to love YOU. If he is putting images of other women in front of himself, he cannot pour the love and attention he needs to into your marriage. You obviously cannot allow/disallow him to go. He has to make his own decisions. I would say that you should definitely talk with him about your feelings on the subject. Also, watch the movie Fireproof. GREAT movie and it deals with the issue of p*rn(which is just as bad as strip clubs). Ideally, watch it together.

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

We all go through this! I told my husband I didn't want him to go to strip clubs or go out and get drunk at the bar, but eventually I realized that I don't care what he does when he's in port. I just don't want to know about it. You should let him go and have a good time with his friends once in awhile. He will be really happy when he gets home....

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

We all go through this! I told my husband I didn't want him to go to strip clubs or go out and get drunk at the bar, but eventually I realized that I don't care what he does when he's in port. I just don't want to know about it. You should let him go and have a good time with his friends once in awhile. He will be really happy when he gets home....

Melissa - posted on 07/10/2009

I personally would say no to that. They are grown men even if they don't act like it. Therefore, we can't stop them from doing what they choose. But I would definitely let him know ahead of time how I felt about it.

Cheryl - posted on 07/10/2009

hell no. if he's gonna go to a strip club you want him to go with people that you know you can trust, reason being- some strippers will do just about anything for a buck and the temptation is there. Instead why don't you offer to go with him. Make it co-ed. The strippers love to give other women attention because its mostly all guys there, and your man will love fantasizing about you and another woman. Your man will get the benefits of going to the club, and being with you in a more interesting setting.

My husband and I went together, and the evening was so fun! We had a blast. We even had a private dance, and we were so turned by it- shockingly. Hope this helps.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think I would allow him to go. I know that the word "Allow" sounds like you are his mom, but if you give him a little slack they usually take a lot. Strip joints have caused alot of problems in a relationship. Their is no need to go to those kinds of places if you r married and have kids!

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think I would allow him to go. I know that the word "Allow" sounds like you are his mom, but if you give him a little slack they usually take a lot. Strip joints have caused alot of problems in a relationship. Their is no need to go to those kinds of places if you r married and have kids!

Jennifer - posted on 07/10/2009

My husband and I have a mutual agreement, no strip clubs, going on 10 years. When first married his friends frequented those clubs, I didn't like the idea of him oogling over some other naked chic anymore than he liked the idea of me oogling over some naked hunk. We think that it leads to a lot of hurt feeling and complications that we just don't need in our lives. There is a catch 22, if he wants to see a stripper, I strip and vice versa. I don't have the body of those girls, he doesn't care. Did I mention that he doesn't have the body of the chippendales, but there is no other sight I'd rather see, good luck!

Shannon - posted on 07/10/2009

My husband has gone to a strip club, not because he wants to, but to be social with the boys from work. When he told the boys he had to call me, they were shocked, his point to them, if I can't tall my wife where I am, then we shouldn't be together. She may not like it but she knows. So I didn't care that he was there with the boys, most of the time, they aren't even watching the stippers. Some thought it would be cute for him to have a lap dance. Now that I have a problem with. It is as close to cheating as you can get. They get their stuff all up in the man's face and then they are practically forced to touch the stippers. He would be peeved if I had a table dance and touched a male stipper's junk, so no, he can't either. We are honest with each other and we know our limits and lines. He will not cross the line, because I trust him not to, nor would I cross that line.



If you are open and honest with each other - there should be no problem. And like Ylanda said, go with him if you really want to.

Anne - posted on 07/10/2009

why don't you go with him? pregnant or not if he wants to go then u go to..

Deb - posted on 07/10/2009

Quoting Deborah:

Sorry Cami,
There is no stopping him from doing this. If he wants to go he will no matter what. He should be putting you and the children first. He is your HUSBAND not just one of the kids. If he wanted to be PETER PAN then he should NOT have gotten married or started a family. My husband was in the Navy so I do understand the military part of your story. Simple easy advice, Turn it all over to God. Stand your ground as a mother to your children and pray, pray, and then pray some more. God does change people. Don't let people change you, set a good example. I will keep you in my Prayer's.

Do NOT stay if he hits you or the children. Go to  his commanders they will HELP you.

Deb - posted on 07/10/2009

Sorry Cami,

There is no stopping him from doing this. If he wants to go he will no matter what. He should be putting you and the children first. He is your HUSBAND not just one of the kids. If he wanted to be PETER PAN then he should NOT have gotten married or started a family. My husband was in the Navy so I do understand the military part of your story. Simple easy advice, Turn it all over to God. Stand your ground as a mother to your children and pray, pray, and then pray some more. God does change people. Don't let people change you, set a good example. I will keep you in my Prayer's.

Emma - posted on 07/10/2009

The truth is you cant not allow him. All you can do is tell him how you feel, and the ultimet decicion is his. if he decides to go then at least keep it out in the open, rather than him sneaking around. Remember whats good for the goose is good for the gander ask him how he would feel if you wanted to go watch male stripers!

Kirsty - posted on 07/10/2009

my husband is also 20 and we married young my husband has gone to a strip club as its a male thing to do my husband never knew his dad but was not a nice man so no lost there, i let my husband go and was worried but when he came back all of his mates and himself said how rubbish and un tasteful the girls really are and how they couldnt wait to get home to see the wifes and partners as they are real women and that was it the curosity was gone and he wouldnt step in one again i hope that helps

Katrina - posted on 07/10/2009

we got married young too and i trust my husband more than any person i know and i would never let him go to a strip club if he want to look at some half naked girl he can look at me, he doesn't need to be looking at other girls.

Judith - posted on 07/10/2009

I would let him go if you trust him eitherwise go with him where is the harm in that. If he is really trustworthy he is welcome too it but if you have your doubts keep him with you.

Debi - posted on 07/10/2009

If you go Biblical, No. Does he have a wandering eye? Do you trust his friends? If you put you foot down and "forbid"it, he will do it to spite you, but if you talk it out and let him know you point of view, concerns, and insecurities (especially being pregnant), maybe he will decide not to go, or to keep the evening short. Also, is he going just to go, or is it an event? Best of luck, Debi

Tanya - posted on 07/10/2009

i met my partner when he was 17 we had our 1st son when he was 20, i would not approve of him going to a strip club to me that is for single guys or girls to do, it is demeaning to their partner if they go

Rayna - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think so. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander...

Marianne - posted on 07/10/2009

i dont think he should go, he's a father and husband and love and trust come first. his father should respect you and your husbands unit as a married couple. dont feel guilty or like your depriving him. he maybe 20 but he's a dad now and you need 100% unity especially with a baby on the way. good luck. xxx