Should i allow my husband to go to a strip club?

Cami - posted on 06/24/2009 ( 2130 moms have responded )

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My husband is 20 years old, he is in the military, and we obviously got married young, and we have a daughter and im 8 months pregnant with his son. He has a single dad that has a wild life style with drugs, alcohol, and girls. i was just wondering if i should allow him to go to a strip club with his dad or even his friends? Help

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Joyce - posted on 07/18/2009

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your husband is about to become a dad and you are wondering if he should go to strip club???! ! ! If he is really happy at home he shouldn't want to go to strip clubs...that to mean only spells trouble. My answer not only NO...but hell NO!!!

Alice - posted on 07/18/2009

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Yes let him go because he is going to sneak and go if you say no in a way men love defying there wives and you must trust him an you is not married to your son he is your husband.

Melanee - posted on 07/18/2009

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sure u know he is coming home to u and by the way u will have great sex when he get home and if real worried about it go with him..its not that bad

Jesica - posted on 07/18/2009

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Not to get too personal in your private life with your husband, but I don't know any other way of wording it. To me, going to strip clubs and putting money in another woman's knickers is a way of showing lust or gaining some form of sexual pleasure from another woman so I wouldn't allow it. Would he be happy if you went to one? Relationships have allowances both ways, both partners need to give and take. It isn't like your telling him he can't go out with his friends for a drink or bowling. Talk to him about how your feeling and decide from there where you stand. I don't agree with other posters either, it's a normal thing for couples to "allow" something and doesn't mean your treating him like a child either. Good luck

Nicole - posted on 07/18/2009

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Hunny, he will go whether you want him to or not...If you try and tell him no...He will just go behind your back and then... Wouldn't you rather him be up front with you? Have you ever been to one yourself? I went because I wanted to see just what was so fabulous about them and you know what...Absolutely nothing...Honestly not how most women perceive a strip club...I would prefer my husband not to go, but he is an adult and it's his choice...

[deleted account]

Allow him? hmmmm Always keep in mind that a man will do the exact opposite when you try to tell them they can't do something. You're his wife, lover, friend, etc. If he wants to go, let him. Have confidence in your relationship. If you prefer that he not go, tell him why. But I recommend that you come up with some type of entertainment for the 2 of you. It can be done, just use your imagination.

Gina - posted on 07/18/2009

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Well I have been married almost 29 years. It sounds like he needs to grow up! He is married now and he is a Dad! Would he care if you went looking at other men? The thing is your kids need you two to show them how to be a loving husband & wife. I know you are young but you two got married and have children now. So it is your turn to do the right thing. Their way of right and wrong is all on you two. By the we have 3 sons of our on. 27,25,22 and they have thanked us for the things we did and did not do.

Heather - posted on 07/18/2009

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If he wants to go then you shouldnt say no sit him down and tell him that you cant tell him no cause he is an adult and your just his wife not his mother but let him know how you feel about him goin and let him make his own choices. I do that with my fiance all the time and alot of the times if I tell him why I dont like what he is doin he sees it from my point of view and he sometimes dont do it and stay home but their are times that I tell him I dont want him to do it but I cant tell you what to do and he does it anyways. You have to have trust in a relationship to have a relationship. So the real question here is do you trust him? And if you start telling him what to do you will just push him away and he will do it anyways if he is goin to do something he will regardless of what you say so let him do what he wants if he messes up then he has to suffer the consquences hope this helps.

Shannonn - posted on 07/18/2009

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A father should not be a negative influence to their child. Think about the company your husband is keeping with his father, do you want your husband to be this way with his children? A strip club is not a place for a husband to spend his nights that is just asking for trouble add alcohol and who knows what could happen. I am a military wife reach out to your support groups they can help you young couples get on track.

Shannonn - posted on 07/18/2009

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A father should not be a negative influence to their child. Think about the company your husband is keeping with his father, do you want your husband to be this way with his children? A strip club is not a place for a husband to spend his nights that is just asking for trouble add alcohol and who knows what could happen. I am a military wife reach out to your support groups they can help you young couples get on track.

Ashley - posted on 07/18/2009

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Nothing good can come out of him going. Strip clubs are a place of filth, lust, and just about anything evil. If he is a good husband and father he won't go. Tell him to think of his daughter every time he thinks of a girl up there in a strip club. I say no way!!

Sue - posted on 07/17/2009

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The word allow doesn't seem like the right word. Be careful using it when discussing this with him. Guys sometimes tend to get a bad attitude when they think they are being told what they can and can't do. Tell him why you wouldn't want him to go. Just keep in mind that the girls that work in these places aren't always having sex with all the patrons. There may be some who do but it is a job to them and seeing a bunch of drunk and turned on guys all the time has got to get old. Ask yourself if the Chippendale's were coming to you town would you want to go????!!!

Erin - posted on 07/17/2009

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Not a chance-but make him think its his own idea as it should have been from the beginning. Spending diaper money? Wasting his precious time with strangers not his daughter? This is not the time for him to live out his need to prove his independence. He should be taking care of his family like a man-even if his dad does not.

Suzette - posted on 07/17/2009

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Why?...he needs to be home with you...the pitiful history of his Dad will only be a bad influence on him....

Suzette - posted on 07/17/2009

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Why?...he needs to be home with you...the pitiful history of his Dad will only be a bad influence on him....

Elizabeth - posted on 07/17/2009

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My husband went once with his fraternity in college and never went again. He tells me that he'd rather put singles in my panties and be in a place where he CAN look & touch! Makes sense to me. That is totally up to you... if your marriage is solid then he won't want to put money in anyone else's g-string but yours. LOL!!



However... every relationship is different and if that lights your man's fire then you two need to discuss what's right for your relationship. But I do recommend spending some $$ on new lingerie. If he gives you crap about it, tell him he was going to put it in someone else's undies anyway... so he may as well put it in yours, Right?! :-) Mamma needs a new pair o' shoes! LOL



Keep that fire burning... my husband and I have been together nearly 13 years and still going strong. I little surprise for your hubby every now and again sure works wonders! Good luck!! ;-)

Val - posted on 07/17/2009

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I'll put it to you nicely, if you love him and he loves you, you have to have trust. If you don't have trust and communication in your marrige or relationship you have nothing but heartache, trust me I have been through the ringer a few times. I am 48 years old and I met my husband now 9 years ago and we just got married this June. We have complete trust in each other and we have always had and still have awsome communication. If you are able to talk to anyone about anything it should be your mate/spouse

Tracy - posted on 07/17/2009

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I would give him about 100 singles and a kiss on the cheek and wish him a good evening.

If your relationship is rock solid, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Most men are visual. That won't change. Let him be a guy and he will be by your side. You will be the coolest wife.

Elura - posted on 07/17/2009

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Quoting Heidi:

Our best man even told me he bought my husband a lap dance and had to take it himself because my husband refused!! I guess I have a keeper!


Ditto here. Our best man couldn't even get my husband out the door to go to the club. However, mine does like viewing porn. I read smut, and have gone with the girls to the clubs, myself-So, I consider this an even break. "Allow" implies either a symbiotic or ownership relationship. And, in truth, it all comes down to fish.



Fidelity



Integrity



Sincerity



Honesty



Without F.I.S.H., there is no relationship.



If it comes down to not wanting him to go because you are concerned that his father will influence him, be honest with him about your concerns. If he brushes them off, whop him upside the head. (LOL) But if he accepts your concerns and works to allay them, accept his words as truth unless/until he gives you a reason to doubt him.

Candyce - posted on 07/17/2009

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Uh, no. He probably wouldn't want you to go anywhere with guys grinding on you, so why would he expect you to let him do the same? No one but you should be touching him or turning him on, and his dad's pretty immature for even suggesting it. Probably explains why he's still single.

Jean - posted on 07/17/2009

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It doesnt' make any difference where he gets the appitate as long as he eats at home! If you try and control him that will make him want to go all that more. If he is going cause he needs his ego stroked you need to find out what he is missing at home that makes him feel that he needs to go. Maybe you just need a date night to kick things up a notch. The thing is he needs to feel that what he does reflects on not just him but his wife and family too. Is this what he would want HIS daughter doing when she is grown? But he needs to know he is his own man not his ol man. You can't control him. If he is going to cheat he is going to cheat. Do the best you can and the rest is up to him.

Tricia - posted on 07/17/2009

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Found this too late but I was just wondering if he was available to stay at home with two kids and let you and your friends go to a strip club? His father obviously has not been a great role model for him. I would think that at some point he would need to realize that his reposcibilities are at home with you and his children. He is very young and the temptation is too high. Would he be willing to chance losing it all?

Carmen - posted on 07/17/2009

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I say no! I have been with my husband from a young age as well. And this was a heated debate in our household for a long time. he felt it should be no problem and I felt like it was cheating! One of my points to him, is those poor girls. If it is okay and nothing wrong with it, then why is it not ok for his daughter to go into that profession? That made him think. Have your husband imagine those poor girls' daddies! What a thought, breaks my heart to think of these girls as little girls, surely they had bigger dreams than just being eye candy for men! I say no and now my husband says no too. It took him awhile to mature and realize that is wrong to lustfully look at other women, but I say stand your ground. In the future he will be very thankful to you. Sometimes as women we have to help our husbands grow up so they can lead our families with respect, integrity, character, and love!

Becky - posted on 07/17/2009

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I think a relation ship is based on trust and you should trust him let him prove your self. My hubby went and did not do nothing and I have been to see men strippers and have not done nothing its all about trust and if you love your spouse then you should not even think about doing anything with another person..

Sherry - posted on 07/17/2009

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I feel that a married man or woman should not want to see another person naked. They should not want to lust after another when they have a wife or husband at home that they love. I am sorry, But i do NOT agree with it at all. If my husband felt the need to go see other women naked...then he does not need to me married. But my husband has no interest at all in going to see other women naked.

Emma - posted on 07/17/2009

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I personally wouldn't like my partner going to a strip club/joint, but i trust him enough to say if he wanted to that i would allow it for when all is said and done I'm not his keeper. it is different for everyone only you know your husband and can make a well balanced decision. Good luck honey xxx

Claire - posted on 07/17/2009

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You can't really stop him,if he's gonna go he's gonna go. just make sure you keep hold of his credit/bank cards as the girls will be after as much money as they can get. x

SHELLY - posted on 07/16/2009

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If you trust him then yes, just try to find a way to satisfy him when he comes home. Most me go to the strip club so that they can build up some excitement to go home and sleep with their wifes, if he is a faithful husband.

Marcelle - posted on 07/16/2009

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Um, he's an adult and he can go if he wants to. I'd take a dim view of his deciding to go, but it is his decision, and he needs to learn how to do that too.

Rubbie - posted on 07/16/2009

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Hi, I've discovered in my 7 year marriage that, men do what we allow them to get away with. You should be able to tell your man that you don't want him to go and how it makes you feel because he wants to go. Your feelings should be recognized and validated and he should respect them even if he doesn't understand them. Or course this goes both ways. Hope it helps.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2009

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I personanly view that as cheating. You should try to be understanding about it tho because for some reason men think that a strip club is a right of passage or something (not sure why). Let him know that he is loved more at home than he'll ever be there. All those girls want is the money n chances are that if you do let him go nothing awful will happen...he'll see some naked chicks dancin around then come home to you. but there is always a chance that he could become addicted to it n that's never good. You are the only one that knows him you have to ask yourself what you comfortable with and what you think he would do. It def sounds like his Dad isn't someone that you shouldn't trust. Oh n you know what you can do??? Instead of him going with his Dad...you offer to go with him if it's just the experence that he wants. But once again it's all in what your comfortable with. (you never know...you guys might just go home n have a really good night together lol) Ok sorry I babbled a lot. Good luck hun!!

Hailey - posted on 07/16/2009

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honestly if hes going to stray it doesnt matter if his at a strip club or just out n about you cant control what others do just hope that he loves you enough to stay faithful

[deleted account]

Hi I am Cyndi. Well, I think you should not allow him to go to a strip club for what? Probably need marriage counselor. If he get wild life style with drugs problem why no he respects for family's sake. He may cheat on you whom knew. I am divorced cause he went out often mostly of bars and friends and club kind of wild life. That I have notice he acts funny and liar. I caught him cheat. that's why happening between us. well good luck

Karen - posted on 07/16/2009

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That would make me feel kind of rotten if my hubbie came to me when I was 8 months pregnant and said I was going to a strip club. Us girls aren't exactly hot mommas at eight months pregnant. But if it were at any other time I would say, I think it all has to do with trust. If you trust he is only going to watch and nothing else I see nothing wrong with it. I don't like strip clubs. I never liked the idea of my husband going to one. He actually took me to one once. It's really no big deal what goes on in there unless they go into the vip rooms or have a lap dance (no married guy should have anything to do with those in my opinion). It's guy bonding. Us girls will never understand that of course. As for allowing him, he might just go and not tell you where he is going and then you'll be even madder. I say let him go if that's what he wants to do. As long as he keeps his hands to himself and vis versa.

Annette - posted on 07/16/2009

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I would tell him how you feel about it. That it makes you nervous and you have misgivings about him getting into a situation that could prove to be harmful to your relationship. The only reason I say this is, my husband and I went through a similar situation a few years back and it almost ruined our family. I'm not saying to tell him he can't. Just be honest about how it makes you feel. Ask him how he feels about your marriage and what it means to him. That is what changed my hubby's thinking. This is just my 2 cents worth.

Kelly - posted on 07/15/2009

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Bless your heart - this shouldn't be a decision you have to make. My first response, before reading all of your situation was heck yes, let him go. I don't "allow/let" my husband to do anything - we got that straight when we first started dating. I'm not his mother and didn't want him "asking" me what he can and can't do, he's an adult and is smart enough to make his own decisions, but I would also appreciate him letting me know where he's at if he's going to be out late. I even went to the grocery store and got him a bunch of 1 and 5 dollar bills one time. He went a handful of times with his buddies before he got burnt out on the whole scene. Too, we were in our mid 30's and we married 2 days before I turned 40. I barely knew how to date at 20 and I'm not saying getting married at such a young age is wrong. But it’s a lot harder. You can't "allow" your husband or any other adult of what they can or can't do. You have to let them decide - don't fight that battle because it is stressful and can eat you up. Focus on yourself and your babies, hold your head high, show him you are secure and confident in your life. Surprise him and go and get him 1 and 5 dollar bills and tell him to have a good time, but not too good of a time and laugh with him. Putting up a fuss plays their game, going along with it stumps them - trust me on this. I hope this helps you, Cami and happy pushing with your son :)

Kelly - posted on 07/15/2009

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Bless your heart - this shouldn't be a decision you have to make. My first response, before reading all of your situation was heck yes, let him go. I don't "allow/let" my husband to do anything - we got that straight when we first started dating. I'm not his mother and didn't want him "asking" me what he can and can't do, he's an adult and is smart enough to make his own decisions, but I would also appreciate him letting me know where he's at if he's going to be out late. I even went to the grocery store and got him a bunch of 1 and 5 dollar bills one time. He went a handful of times with his buddies before he got burnt out on the whole scene. Too, we were in our mid 30's and we married 2 days before I turned 40. I barely knew how to date at 20 and I'm not saying getting married at such a young age is wrong. But it’s a lot harder. You can't "allow" your husband or any other adult of what they can or can't do. You have to let them decide - don't fight that battle because it is stressful and can eat you up. Focus on yourself and your babies, hold your head high, show him you are secure and confident in your life. Surprise him and go and get him 1 and 5 dollar bills and tell him to have a good time, but not too good of a time and laugh with him. Putting up a fuss plays their game, going along with it stumps them - trust me on this. I hope this helps you, Cami and happy pushing with your son :)

Melanie - posted on 07/15/2009

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Does 'He' want to go is the question? An open and honest relationship is the key to success. Discuss with him...what his wants and desires are and hone in on the qualities that he is looking for in life. He has obviously made the choice to be a family man, that's a start....relationships are hard work...no matter what your age. But at the end of the day, just because you married your husband does not mean you own him so you need to remember to allow him to be the person he is. The thing is ... if he feels like you are restricting him and dictating his life, he may resent you - be open books with each other. Hope this helps?

[deleted account]

No. You want your son to learn respect for women, and it is 100% critical that his father set an example.



On the other hand, he is a man in the military who may truly not see anything wrong with going to a strip club. If he is determined to do it, do you really have option of "allowing" him to go? Let him know how you feel. For me, I would share how it is the same as adultery and that it makes you feel the same as if he had cheated on you. The rest is up to him to consider your feelings and then decide how he will react.

Nicole - posted on 07/15/2009

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Honey, if he cheated on you and still wants to go to strip clubs...he is not committed to your marriage for one, and he doesn't respect you. Leave him. For your kids and for you, that is not the influence you want on your children, and you deserve someone who respects and loves you... NO! Not cool!

Sherrie - posted on 07/15/2009

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heres some advise please don't use word allow.If your husband is a responsible man then you should trust his judgement im happily married and i don't tell my husband what he can and can't do i trust him.hes gone to stip clubs when guys go we have 6 kids two grandkids and our life is great he always tells me how much he loves me for trusting him are husbands are our friends the day we make decisions for them trouble will follow there still are good honest men in the world just trust him bet hes more interested in coming home to you then watching stripper ...

Sandra - posted on 07/15/2009

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i agree with Cami and Heidi.......pray for him that God will guide him and If you trust him let him go. He will go anyway .

[deleted account]

Allow? You are married adults, you don't "allow" each other to do anything. Perhaps a conversation is in order about why he wants to go to a strip club and how you feel about that. Communication is needed, not permission.

[deleted account]

Allow? You are married adults, you don't "allow" each other to do anything. Perhaps a conversation is in order about why he wants to go to a strip club and how you feel about that. Communication is needed, not permission.

[deleted account]

Allow? You are married adults, you don't "allow" each other to do anything. Perhaps a conversation is in order about why he wants to go to a strip club and how you feel about that. Communication is needed, not permission.

Lee - posted on 07/15/2009

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If you trust your husband to be faithfull, then let him go. I could say more, but it really is both your decision to do this, not just his/anyone else. Have you spoken to him about your concerns etc. Communication is the best key in a relationship and marriage.

Lee - posted on 07/15/2009

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If you trust your husband to be faithfull, then let him go. I could say more, but it really is both your decision to do this, not just his/anyone else. Have you spoken to him about your concerns etc. Communication is the best key in a relationship and marriage.

Lee - posted on 07/15/2009

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If you trust your husband to be faithfull, then let him go. I could say more, but it really is both your decision to do this, not just his/anyone else. Have you spoken to him about your concerns etc. Communication is the best key in a relationship and marriage.

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