Should I get my niece a Christmas present when her mum told me not to?

Rachel - posted on 12/02/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My sister in law has asked that we don't do gifts for the children at Christmas time and only give them on birthdays, she says it's because they don't want to spend all that money on presents, which is fair because it is an expensive time of year BUT all the other kids and adults are going to be giving and receiving gifts this year as we are all going to be at the same place for Xmas. My partner and I really want to give her daughter something, at least something small, because we don't want her to feel left out while everyone else is opening presents, we don't expect anything in return for our children we just want to keep on with the giving spirit. My question is should we respect her wishes and not get our niece something or just get her something small eg coloring book and crayons? I really don't want to get offside with her (shes been a friend longer than i can count on both hands) but I just feel terrible for her daughter.

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Lacye - posted on 12/03/2012

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Buy a present just in case. If you see that she is feeling left out, sneak the present in there with the other presents and just sign it from Santa. I can't understand why she would say no gifts. Seems kinda mean to me.

Dove - posted on 12/03/2012

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Personally I agree with your sister-in-law. She must feel so out of place with everyone else going on with the gift exchanging and not being able to participate. Unfortunately if you have a large family and no one else will agree with her... it puts her and her kid in the awkward position of being left out.



I occasionally buy something for my niece (only 4 kids in our family til next year and 3 of them are mine), but not every year. My stepsister doesn't buy for my kids either. Personally, I prefer it that way. Kids have too much stuff as it is these days and spending that time with family is more priceless than any gift.



Good luck figuring out how you are going to handle it though!

Amy - posted on 12/03/2012

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In the future maybe consider drawing names and that way each person only has to buy 1 gift so that you don't encounter this problem. But for this year respect her wishes, I know money is really tight for me this year and I'm not even sure how we are going to do Christmas for my own kids let alone my nephew and if I ask someone not to exchange gifts there is a reason behind it even though you have your own reasoning of "giving" it still doesn't make the recipient feel good when they can't give in return.

Ariana - posted on 12/03/2012

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Maybe you could talk to her and ask her about it? Offer the small gift idea? Or possibly give her some sort of homemade gift like cookies (or some other food), a craft something like that.



You probably should ask her or tell her what you're going to do because you don't want to embarrass her by giving her kids stuff and her not giving your children anything. You could have your kids give their kids some home-made stuff (pictures/crafts) and tell your sister-in-law that they really wanted to give their neice something so would that type of thing be ok?



Whatever you do I would ask her and explain what you just said. Or put it off like your kids really wanted to give her something (cookies/craft w/e) and would that be ok because you know she didn't want to do super expensive gifts.

S. - posted on 12/03/2012

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We have a £5 cap for the kids of the family now there's 10 kids in total so it's still works out expensive but manageable. A few years ago I'd suggested we stopped buying the kids and we just buy the adults, my sisters still bought my kids and I never bought there's and I felt awful that year that's were the £5 rule came from.



Sit and talk to her tell her how you feel, maybe you could buy a gift and she could buy a tin of cheep chocolates for everyone to share so she doesn't feel bad Not bringing anything or you could have an afordable cap like we do or give gifts in privet so there's not a bit deal that one child is being left out.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/03/2012

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I would explain to her your feelings on the issue and how her daughter will feel left out. I like the idea of putting a cap on the spending. Maybe they cannot afford buying presents for all the other kids? I do think it is a bit unfair to not let you buy a present for her. Just my opinion though.

Michelle - posted on 12/03/2012

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I believe if you want to keep the costs down then just give to the children and not the adults. You haven't said how old she is but I'm guessing quite young if you are thinking of getting crayons or a colouring book. I would let your SIL know that you would like to at least buy for the children and it doesn't have to be expensive.

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