Should I have children?

Elaine - posted on 02/17/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am 30 years old and married for 3 years. Everything should be in order for the next step in life…to have children. I have always wanted children, ever since I was a child. I consider it a career in my cases, a full time job. I have educated myself on child development and will be gradating with a degree in early childhood and special education degree in a year. I actually love all children and believe that what happens in early child hood affects a person sometimes for the rest of their lives. I don’t just want to be a teacher, I really want to help my community make a change. With all that said I am not perfect. I work two jobs part time and go to school with 17 credits and in my husband’s eyes I am not helping. It is true I use all my money for school and he resents me for that. I am in charge of cooking and cleaning and I never live up to his expectations. I put a store bought pie in his lunch and he said I might as well not pack him a lunch if I am just going to buy it. I can not compete with his salary as he is an electrician so he will always have the upper hand I feel. I didn’t think it would be a problem if I did traditional woman chores, but now I feel I am disrespected. I want to make more money and be equal but I know that won’t happen now. I do not want to put my children in day care because I think that if I went to school for child development why would I have other people raise my children. Not that I judge working women, every one is different☺ . Anyway if I stay at home and watch my children and maybe other peoples, I will defiantly be on the bottom of the ladder and have no help from him. Should he help? Maybe he deserves to be served? I do not think I am a good wife. I get annoyed when he leaves his dish in the sink. When we watch his niece and nephew he sits down at the table and watches me serve everyone. I hate him for things like that. He has said he worries he will have to do everything as I will be sick and useless during pregnancy. He says he is worried our kids will be retarded because I have a brother with a learning disability. But then he apologizes for saying that. I think the damage is already done. Still when I was sick I asked him if he would take care of kids if we had them and he said if you don’t want kids let me know so I can leave. I used to be a dental assistant and would rather be someones assistant than wife. Being a wife is a thankless job with no respect. We fight a lot and do not see eye to eye. If you heard his side of the story you would think I was awful. He always says things like if you see me doing this you should know to do this….I can not read minds I remind him. We have our good moments but I feel that we need a good solid relationship before we bring kids into the mix. I came from a broken home and I think it is true that what you learn as a child carries with you into adulthood. I am just disappointed that I did not fix myself in time. Now I do not want to have children. I worry I will hate it even more than being a wife. I fear I will be all alone and my children will grow up to feel empty like me. Was I wrong about myself? Should I focus on my career and forget being a mother? Is this a phase most people have before having children?

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Michelle - posted on 02/18/2013

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Just because he has bought you gifts doesn't mean that you have to wait on him hand and foot!!!

You are his WIFE not his SLAVE! The household money is for both of you not his and hers.

When I was a SAHM my husband never worried about what I spent money on as long as I didn't overspend. I paid all the bills from his account and still have access via online banking and a card even though I now work.

Elaine - posted on 02/17/2013

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Yes I agree things can only get worse. He does a lot of things for me as far as money...like pay a lot of the bills. I am a simple person so I don't demand expensive items. He got me an I phone 5 and new lap top for Christmas, even though i didnt want it. but i did accept so i I should be cleaning up after him and kissing his butt. I think there is something wrong with me.

Michelle - posted on 02/17/2013

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I don't agree that being a wife is a thankless job, I would say being HIS wife is. He is treating you like a 2nd class citizen and you don't have to put up with it. He doesn't want a wife, he wants a slave.

I personally wouldn't have children with him because if you are feeling this way now then it will only get worse once children come along.

A marriage is a partnership where bot partners are equal. My husband helps with all the children as well as the household chores. I went away for 3 days for work and he did everything for all 3 children without any complaining.

You also don't want your children growing up thinking that men are more important than women and that's what he would teach them.

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