Should I kick out my 16 year old?

Renee - posted on 12/08/2012 ( 82 moms have responded )

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She baught a laptop and wanted internet access and I said she can use the latop only in the living room with me present and there would be parental controls and she snuck in an ipad and used it at night and I removed her door she hid a braille-like communication device in her pajamas and hid a sound player she wore behind her ear i told her my house my rules and she said fine she is moving out and I asked where is she going to stay and she said at a friends

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Karen - posted on 12/09/2012

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This cannot be a serious letter. Really? Are you insane? Throw your kid out for internet usage?

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2012

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And how, exactly, are you going to ensure they aren't still jumping off the bridge when they are 18? Don't you have to form a trust relationship at some point? There is a difference between having secrets and sneaking. It is one thing to sit down and discuss internet and social media usage with your children, and quite another to sneakily spy on them. If you are going to monitor it, TELL them you are going to monitor it. It isn't rocket science. One of my conditions with my children is that I can monitor their usage. But I REFUSE to do it behind their backs.

Jodi - posted on 12/10/2012

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I saved $2000 in a summer one year when I was 16 or 17.......and that was 25 years ago, so consider that in today's terms. Anyone saying there is no way a 16 year old could purchase these things is naive. And just for the record, here in Australia, at 16, a kid's bank accounts is no longer under parental control. The child has FULL operational control over it. So the only way you have any say on their spending is if you have a RELATIONSHIP with the child and can discuss and guide their spending habits, not through a dictatorship.

Jodi - posted on 12/08/2012

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Is there some reason you don't trust her on the internet?



I'll be honest, the fact that you want to kick your 16 year old out of home over internet usage is quite concerning. It doesn't seem to me that the two of you are discussing this issue, but rather, you are laying down the law and she is rebelling. You have to recognise that you have a 16 year old now, she is almost an adult.



While you are still the parent, sitting down and allowing her to have an open discussion with you about why she wants the internet and the kinds of things she does on the internet is important. Chances are, she just wants to access social media privately to communicate with her friends. I know that's what my son spends a lot of his spare time doing (although he only has access on his phone in his room at the moment, he does sometimes borrow one of the laptops). Why not negotiate a compromise with her. Did you raise her to recognise right from wrong? If you feel you did, then you need to now learn to TRUST that you have done your job and she will do the right thing.



However in answer to your question, it is quite bothersome to me that you would kick a 16 year old out of home over this issue. This, alone, speaks volumes to me about your relationship with your daughter.

Bobbi Jean - posted on 12/12/2012

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I speak from experience on this one. I was kicked out when I was 16. (I was sent away to live elsewhere than my home and was not welcome back. I did visit sometimes--but these were always strained.) The minue I was kicked out of my home, my parents lost all control over me. Thankfully, other relatives stepped in and things turned out ok.



If you do kick your daughter out, you are essentially telling this child you are giving up on her and are resigning from the job of being her parent. In my opinion, 18 is another story. Even then, I think it is too young.



My kids lived at home until they finished college. We had weekly family meetings all the time they were growing up. As they got older--14 or so--rules would be discussed and they would be heard. Parents made the decision, though.



Things didn't always go smoothly. From time to time, we went to family counseling. We chose a counselor inside our church, but there are many good secular ones out there. Think about it. Everyone needs a little help from time to time.



Best of luck.

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Carol - posted on 05/12/2013

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What kind of mother kicks out a child for using the internet? Do NOT kick her out, but get yourself some psychiatric therapy. YOU NEED IT!

Deanna - posted on 01/01/2013

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Absolutely not! She is your responsibility, even when times get rough! These are the years they need us the most, whether they know it or not! Believe me! I know it aint easy, have a 17 year old myself who has been quite the handful to say the least! You have to stick it out with her! Pick your battles and know that you cannot be there every minute to patrol her...the more you try to be on top of her every move, the more sneaky they'll get! Try loosening the leash a bit within reason, put more faith in her and let her know if she screws up that leash will be given a yank! These years are trying times for you and for her! You will drive yourself crazy if you feel you need to know her every move! Just try backing off a little, you may learn you can trust her more than you think, and remember that sometimes mistakes need to be made for them to learn and grow from, wouldnt you rather have her make the, sometimes, necessary mistakes under your roof, and be there for her to guide her through them? Hang in there, youll be glad you did when you are the best of friends some day...which is usually after they have their own kids and see how hard parenting can be!!

C.M - posted on 12/31/2012

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Also, I don't see why parental controls on her laptop and making sure she is in the same room as you when she uses the laptop is such a big deal. She is just throwing a tantrum.

C.M - posted on 12/31/2012

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I haven't read all of the replies, yet. But, I am with you,Renee! Partially.....

If she wants to be gone, then let her be gone! My 12-yr-old son thinks hewould be better off leaving. As much as that scares me, I got tired of arguing over it and told him to leave. However, he is extremely sheltered and naive. He seriously thinks that he will leave and some loving person will pick him up off the side of the road and give him a wonderful home. But, I told him that I was tired of it. I did my best. And, if he was so msierable, then leave. Go. But, I would report him as a runaway and he would get picked up an end up in a juvenile facility. I let him leave and discreetly followed im to make sure he was safe. I let him stand on a corner for a few minutes and then went to bring him home. He seems a "little" better...for now.

Also, I thought the sme thing when I was 16. I moved toa friend's house for a while. When I was disrespectful and irresponsible at their house, too, their parents sent my ass back home!

Like someone else said, she can't move in with a friend. She is your responsibility. Tell her if she leaves, she will be reported as a runaway.

Hop you figured it all out!!

Masallah - posted on 12/27/2012

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MOST definitely not.. its just the internet.. unlesss she was doing something illegal or something that she can harm herself or someone else theres no reason.. ur being way too harsh

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2012

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The problem is, Cecilia, the OP has not returned and advised us WHY she is restricting her daughter's internet access and WHY she doesn't trust her with it. If we knew a bit more, we might be able to give advice on how to better handle the situation.

Lynn - posted on 12/27/2012

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i think that is a very harsh punishment. there are better ways to deal with this situation. kicking your daughter out would be a mistake. perhaps take a step back and remember that you love her, she needs you. are you worried she is sex-texting on the iphone or doing something bad? you could always unplug your internet WIFI at night so she couldn't get online or put safety controls on devices. or better yet have a conversation and talk to her about the dangers of online predators, or abuse of social media and protecting herself. You need to tell her you love her and let her know you will never give up on her. if you kick her out for this...you may as well just lead her down a path of pain and suffering. she isn't doing drugs, cutting herself, stealing, or shooting up schools, she is a girl who wants to play on her laptop for crying out loud! I am sorry to say but you have issues for considering this a reasonable response to the situation you have described. so sad, go to counselling and rebuild your trust in each other if you need to, but don't give up on your daughter. Your house your rules is true enough but if you don't give her some room to breath while finding herself in life your teenage girl will grow to hate and resent you. one day you are going to want access to your grandkids and she will be picking your retirement home, you want her to respect you, not fear you.

Cecilia - posted on 12/26/2012

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As far as teens having jobs, they can. I had a job when i was 14, I actually had a few if you include babysitting and housecleaning jobs i took. I bought many of my own things. I was in a foster home so i kinda needed to buy what i wanted.

As far as that goes, if she bought her own computer i think you should give her some slack. It shows that she can be somewhat responsible. She didn't go out and buy drugs or alcohol with her money.... We don't know what she did to break your trust but i think maybe you two can talk and find a way to restore trust. Sometimes you need to give a little space to allow her to prove herself to you.

I know everyone wants to tell you you're wrong. Not many are suggesting how to help. I have teens, they aren't bad kids and i have to remind myself that many times in a day. Just try to remember how it was to be a teen. It isn't all that easy. They have a full work day of school, then only to come home and spend hours on homework. Then we ask for chores to be done. Then they have to fit some socializing in ( which is very important for them to learn at this age to even know how to talk to people as an adult)

It is completely normal that she separates from you. She's going to push your buttons. She needs to do this to find her own identity. Just calm down and remind yourself that you up to this point raised her right. If you trust that you've done an okay job then you can relax a little. Talk to her like an adult and tell her why you get upset and remind her that you love her.(wouldn't hurt to remind yourself sometimes too)

Jessica - posted on 12/26/2012

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Wow!! My monther kicked me out at 15 and it ruined my life and our relationship, she was killed in an accident before we could ever make piece. You are her mother not a gaurd at some prison. She is a teenager and you need to respect her privacy if you want respect from her. I can't believe your throwing such a fit about an ipad or anything like that. What do you expect your daughter to do?????? You need to relaxe and let her be a teenager or else you will lose her forever.

Jerina - posted on 12/25/2012

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In the past, because of my daughter usuage of the internet, I have put on Family Safety. I have only allow her to go to certain sites. It lets me know how often she goes, and how long she visits. She does not like this, But I let her know why this has happen and it's because of her behavior. With your daughter saying that she is moving out, I would let the parents know to wherever she's go that she is a minor and that she has run away from home. Overall you are responsible for your daughter because she is a minor.

Catherine - posted on 12/24/2012

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I would simply permantly remove the webcame setting if you are afraid that your daughter might be up to something.

Gail - posted on 12/23/2012

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You both need to take a trip to your local youth outreach program for homeless youth. It sounds like you both need a reality check on what is important. To say you want to kick your daughter out on to the streets (even if she has friend who will tolerate her freeloading for a while). You are risking her life. Many children escape what they think is unfair rule of a parent only to find the street are very dangerous . Rape, murder, underage prostitution ,drugs, doing crimes are all very real things.
Could you really sleep at night not knowing where she was or what might be happening to her?
SHE needs a reality check that there are real dangers if being defiant just because her friends maybe given free access and minimum supervision doesn't mean it a easy life .
You both need to go volunteer with youth who are on the streets because they don't have a safe home or loving parents. You might be able to have a different outlook on your issues.

Julianne - posted on 12/23/2012

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I was kicked out at 16 . I hate my mother now because she couldn't just be a parent. If you don't want to parent a teen, Don't have kids.

[deleted account]

I completely agree with Jodi. We're not talking about a teen that is violent or threatening to burn the house down.

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2012

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No, it's the fact that a mother wants to kick her 16 year old out of home. There are other ways to deal with sneaky, rebellious and disrespectful. But you don't kick a 16 year old out of home.

LaTasha - posted on 12/23/2012

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It's not the fact that she is wanting to kick her out over the internet usage, it's the fact that she is being sneaky, rebellious and very disrespectful.

Chenoa - posted on 12/22/2012

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aaa nooo u should not kick out ur 16 year old and if she baught the labtop there should be nooo parent control and give her the door back and she should not take ur ipad. just talk to her about boundiers and trust her that she will use the internet for good thiings like facebook. love chenoa

Kathy - posted on 12/21/2012

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I think you're being too controlling!

Kicking her out over internet?! That's just crazy. Unfortunately internet is part of our lives, specially part an adolescent lives. I agree that there should be parental control (as an supervision). But cannot keep her away from it.
It seems that you do NOT trust your daughter, there's more to this...and I think your daughter is trying to get your attention in a desperate way.
You need to sit down and talk to her and compromise. But you should also apologize. Some parents think that because they're parents they can do no wrong and if they realize they did, they don't have to apologize.

Ayls - posted on 12/20/2012

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No doubt, teenagers can really take away all your patience and self-control. I understand if your angry about your child's behavior considering that after all you have done for her, she will answer you back this way. But you also need to look at the situation in another perspective. Instead of fighting over to your child about the internet thing, why don't you discuss these things over when both of you are calm and willing to be open and to discuss the matter? As a parent, you have full authority over your child, but you also need to respect their need for independence and to explore things on their own. As long as you tell, them whats right from wrong, they will be able to remember it and hopefully keep it in their minds. I believe that you can talk these things over. You don't need to bend down to your child, all the time, but try to talk to them so you can understand where they are coming from, as well. My mom gave me freedom to do and learn things on my own. But she is always there to remind me of what's good and bad. She trust me and she believes in me, that helped me to become more responsible of my actions, because I don't want to ruin her trust.

Brianna - posted on 12/20/2012

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My mom kicked me out at 17 i didnt not talk to her for awhile i am now 21 the a 2 year old and one on the way i just started to talk to her again so i think you should re think this over

Patty - posted on 12/15/2012

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Coming from a home where my mother tried everything to straighten out the boys (4boy 4girls). I can only say take a step back and analyze things as if you were looking back on it. Tell yourself is that behavior really worth her being out on the streets only god knows where. Or can you suck up your pride (soooo hard trust me) and stand your ground as a parent. Its a hell of alot easier to give up than to fight as hard as you need to ensure that 20-30yrs down the road your not still supporting a misbehaved 56year old senior. You have sooo much more power than i think both if you even realize. Get those electronics and put them in child if need be. Place a password on your internet. She can have it all if she plays by the rules. And also remember she is 16yrs old. Soo she's gonna try till she's blue in the face to get things her way. In the long run you'd at least have piece of mind that although misbehaved she's safe. My mom struggles alot the 20thousand x she kicked one if the boys out. You will not be able to eat w/o wondering if she ate, or if she's had a warm bath, and worst for my mother was sleeping bcuz she didn't know if they were safe and had a warm place to sleep. Iiiiiiii know its hard, growing up w it and all. But also bcuz I'm sooo strict as a mother. I guess in hopes that i don't find myself in her same predicament. Good Luck. Search deep and try to never react in haste.

Cellina - posted on 12/14/2012

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Hi Renee

You certainly have a posed question here and many opinions with a bit of controversy. I am a mother of two and can understand you want to keep your daughter safe. Unfortunately I think the best piece of advise you have received is from the teenager herself. During the teen years it is a push pull for both parents and children. The teens need to know where the boundaries are however we as parents have to look at ourselves and realise that we cannot keep them safe forever. They will make poor choices just as we all have, but this is where we learn. As parents we need to give enough rope to allow them to make a choice (good or otherwise) but to be there in case they need us. Sometimes the hardest thing is to ask for help, but this too is a learning curve and the sooner this lesson is learnt the better. We can never fully trust our child just the same as we can never fully trust ourselves or others given any situation however we do need to trust that we have learnt from past mistakes or that we have someone who can help us. Your daughter will not be able to learn from past mistakes if you do not let her make any, however you can always be there for her to help guide her. To do this you must give a little and so must she. I am unaware of why you are unable to compromise but this would be a top priority of mine if I were in your shoes. If hiding an electronic device in her room against your wishes is the worst she has done then I think you have done a great job so far - please take some time out for yourself to think this calmly through and give your daughter the opportunity to do the same, then see if you can't sit down and talk calmly about it - perhaps a third party removed to act as a mediator when feelings become to high? Good luck with your choices and to your daughter as well. She is learning how to become an adult, as we have all been through that stage I sincerely wish her the best of luck in finding herself and her way in this messed up world, if she has no-one to support her the road will only be that much harder.

Rebecca - posted on 12/13/2012

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Why are you so uptight? Chill out. Let your kid be a teen. Parents like you raise those kids that binge drink in college and try every drug including meth and crack. Your turning your child into a crackhead suppressing her like this.

Angela - posted on 12/13/2012

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No she is only 16... you need to have a one on one with her and tell her how we can fix the problem

Jeannie - posted on 12/13/2012

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We have 2 boys one 20yrs.old. (Moved out already) and a 13yr.old. We have always had computers in the main part of the house, never behind closed doors and had PG14 parental control for them. This was so we wouldn't have to be standing right on top of them and babysit them. If there is a site they need that's not pulling up they ask and we figure it out if its good or bad. It's not just about porn, it's the bullying and staplers/predators... I don't stand over them the whole time, I might be sitting in the next room or walking thru with laundry or starting dinner in kitchen. I just want them to remember a parent is there but still have a little privacy. I mean even at work we all can see each others computers and do not have any shut doors/privacy so it's just normal. I don't think I would've took the door down but the rule would've been computer usage only in certain areas( kitchen table or living room area) and if you can't do that then just don't get computer time. And for being sneaky, I would tell my son if you go through with your consequences (which is the hardest thing for teens to learn) then in a week they will get something back, like phone or one Saturday to be with friends or you know your child just something they like to help inspire them to do their consequences like a grown up and start getting them used to understanding that every bad decision will get you bad consequences. It will take you more then one time to teach them this believe me..... Teens are a tad hard headed...

Ronald Mc - posted on 12/13/2012

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if there is a reason u dont trust her sit her down and have a talk with her ask her questions get her side of the story u have to give her a chance and tell her im gunna give u a chance and if u screw it up u are gunna have to work really hard to earn my trust back let her know u truly luv her she prolly feals llike u hate her trust me i remember but she dosent she just wants a monm who will be there for her .

Niveen - posted on 12/12/2012

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Don't you ever do this mistake, your daughter needs you and by kicking her out, she will do what ever she wants and you will not know and will not be able to even advise her. Keep your daughter beside you and watch her. At this age, they don't like direct advice, first, you have to be a friend rather than a mother.

[deleted account]

I have said posted this same text before, and I'm going to do it agian. Sorry.



Hi! So, I am not actually a mother. I am a teenager, in fact, and I am sorry for signing up for this website. I will deactivate my account immediately after posting this comment. I wanted to address this comment because I always want to speak to adults about adolescence, but not all adults want to speak to a teenage girl about it.



I am quite a seclusive person--I tend to stay in my room a lot, keep to myself, etc. This habit started when I was around 12, and I'm sure will end at some point. But the thing that you must understand about teenagers is that many of them are not, in fact, looking to rebel or do something that their parents will not approve of. Of course, you all were teenagers. But things always change with time--habits of teens change with time as well.



The fact is, a lot of teenagers are in pain (in fact, the word "teen"comes from the Middle English "tene," meaning grief or suffering). Not only physical pain, because of growing. But they are in figurative pain because they are trying to figure out how to present themselves. They are trying to figure out what kind of friends to make, what clothes to wear, what to like, what food to eat, etc. And they do not know! That is what many adults have trouble understanding. My parents wanted me to be who I was at seven, eight, nine. But I was not the same, because I had grown, evolved, changed (Not into a literal different person, but into a person with different interests and tastes).



I was a very extroverted person before ages 12 or 13. And then, bam. It is so, so clichéd, and when I was 12 I was sure that none of these things--the rebellious attitude, the seclusion--would happen to me. And then these things started happening.



So what I am begging you to understand is that this time will pass. I am so sorry that you feel uncomfortable or distrustful with your daughter. But she is in pain, and the fact is not, it is NOT that she is doing these things for selfish reasons.



It is because they (teenagers) are experimenting. Seeing if it works, tweaking this and that. I'm sure you've done it. When you are trying to figure out who you are, what else can you do?

Jenice - posted on 12/12/2012

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Let her leave, she needs to learn, you are the boss in your house. She will find out quick enough how hard it is in the real world and come back to listen to you.

Melody - posted on 12/12/2012

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if she cant obey your rules and wants to leave let her go and try and make it on her own but tell her the door will be open just one time if she choices to come back and that is it give her the number for the police and give her numbers for shelters for young people take cell phone away from her or limited its usage let the school know that she may not be there tought love some times is the only thing we can do god bless and best of luck

Danielle - posted on 12/12/2012

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If you have a router, you can setup a login & password that will allow you to control when the internet is available at your house. You can even lockdown the router so only items you have specifically entered into its devices allowed list can connect to your router. From there you might even be able to set schedules per device. You could lock out her laptop from the wifi, making her physically connect to the router provided it's located in the living room.



I'm curious as to where she's getting the money for a laptop, iPad and this other technology you're mentioning. If she can afford all these gadgets, then it sounds like she can support herself. It's one thing to love her & support her, but that doesn't mean she gets to treat you like a doormat and ignore your rules.

Susan - posted on 12/12/2012

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you can try to control her but the more controlling you try to be the more she is going to defy you hopefully you could have a good relationship treat her with same respect you want when you open up to your daughter about your feeling you might get a better response

Pamela - posted on 12/12/2012

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I cant imagine throwing my child out of the house. Especially over this. Come on?! Listen to the other. Maybe you can talk it out with her and come to a medium where the two of you can agree. Tell me this? Why do people think it's OK to throw out their kids?

Eva - posted on 12/12/2012

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Dont kick her out from the time of when i was 12 to 16 i lived a crazy life my mom kicked me out cause i wouldn listen so i messed with drugs and did just about any thing wrong u can think of got in trouble with cops all the time kicking her out will only make thinks worse let her use the internet if u have to know what shes doing on it check it when she goes to school most teenagers i know its all about facebook and myspace give her a lil room i would rather my child surf the net than runnin around all night not bein able to see what she is actually doin because what they do and tell u are 2 different things thats my opinion try to set down and let her kno how u feel but dont make her feel like ur griping at her talk to her i promise this will help u also gotta remember she closer to 18 then 10 let her be her im not sayin let her do whatever just give her a little wiggle room goodluck

Cristy - posted on 12/12/2012

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NO!! Did your parents abandon you!?!? You are the parent you need to take control. Sound to me like she has no respect for you, which she shouldn't if your considering kicking her out. Kids no matter what age act out for man reasons. You need to find out why shes miss behaving...btw she can't TELL you shes moving out. How about runaway!?!?

Tracy - posted on 12/12/2012

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Help her pack her bags and tell her she is always welcome in your home as long as she follows your rules. I was 16 and had a 1:00 curfew and undoubtedly would end up breaking it constantly. My mother told me if I wasn't home by 1:00 I had to move out well I got home at 3:00 and she asked me where I had been and I told her apartment hunting (LOL) and she said I wasn't moving no where and from that point on I was able to do whatever I wanted because I knew I would never get kicked out even if I didn't obey the rules.

Kim - posted on 12/12/2012

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lol sounds like me in my days, lol and you know what my mum did, she said okay go stay with your friends which i did, let me tell you i came back as fast as i went, lol, my friends stayed alone so we had to have money for rent, light & water, groceries everything and we would have to cook for ourselves which was terrible, only when they out in the real world do they realise how hard life is.

Tanya - posted on 12/12/2012

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You need to become her best friend, she's going to need you more than anyone. We live in a world where she has access to literally anything. You need to guide her so that she can one day guide her own kids, you are her example. Any behavior short of extreme physical risk to you shouldn't warrant kicking out, local welfare could supply a safe alternative. Nowadays streets are not a good place for a 16 yr old girl. Good luck, you need to get to a point where even if you don't agree with a life choice she might make, she can trust you enough to ask you about it first. You are you and she is another human being altogether!

Cikku - posted on 12/12/2012

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As I do not wish to change the topic of this conversation to my post then to the more important original matter - this will be my last post in this topic.



I tend to disagree though I believe my wife would surely agree with you.



Children always keep secrets from their parents, I did it, I think (though without proof of course) you did and most certainly today's children do it. Do children know the difference between good and bad? Of course they do. Will they follow their friends to hell if needed? Of course they will - that is were we parents come in. Who never said to their children the famous phrase "If your friends jump off a bridge, would you too?"?



We parents are there to be sure that they do NOT jump off the bridge after their friends, no matter how we manage. Some children are easier to convince than others. Which child in this world did not meet an unknown person from the internet chat? What if that person is a pedophile? Which child would care about the consequence of her action before the deed is done? None if their friends are doing it as well. Those are facts. I appear as a tough (sorry no better word) father but at the end of the day, when they were punished, they grumbled but they respect me and always talk with me, even when I tell them I do not want to know (jokingly of course). God save me my 5 year old niece came and talked to me about her boyfriend at all, oh lord. I told her I would kick him if I find him but she laughed and went away. Children today and I am actually very strict with her too, sometimes she cries also. (no mercy:) )

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2012

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Not to mention the fact that you are trying to teach her openness and honesty, and that it isn't okay for her to sneak around and do things against the rules, but it is okay for you to sneak around behind her back and spy on her? That's hypocritical. That isn't a trust relationship. Good luck with that.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2012

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Sorry, but I totally disagree. I have never needed to spy on my teenagers, and they have turned out just fine. I wouldn't even dream of it. I have a trusting relationship with them. If your daughter EVER found out you were spying on her, you would ruin that trust forever. Unless your child has DONE something for you not to trust them, then they should have your trust. They may be children, but they have rights too.

Cikku - posted on 12/12/2012

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A father's point of view. We already think about if she gets pregnant, drugs, or god forbid pedophiles on the internet or worse yet gets r*p*d.



My wife tells me the same thing exactly but I answer her that it is fine if she grows up safe and with sound morals.



I know that they must be trusted but they do not have experience. I know that they must make experiences of their own BUT not severe experiences at their expense. In my opinion, that is why there are parents.



I understand that she most not be suffocated and that is why I said in secret.



What I mean is, everyone knows how many 16 year old friends (teenagers anyway) in our youth had their lives destroyed by wrong choices. I would prefer my daughter has a low opinion of me (if she finds out that is) but has a beautiful life then I am her best pal and is destroyed by a wrong choice. At least that is my opinion.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2012

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@ Cikku

Yeah, that sounds like a really great way to rebuild the trust relationship between mother and daughter......

Chelsea - posted on 12/12/2012

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Are you serious? You have a 16 year old not a 6 year old!

Is there a reason why your being so controlling over her life? (Listening to music is also against your rules huh?)

Go ahead kick her out. But I can guarantee that will be the last time you ever see her!



Try seeing things from her point of view- she's 16- legal age of consent as the law dictates that she is mature enough to make personal decisions... Yet in being her mother and her living in your house, yes you have a certain responsibility for her safety, well being and guiding her in life.

What your doing however is suffocating, controlling, untrusting and generally will drive her away.



I can tell you with all certainty that if my dad ever tried that with me I would of moved out way earlier than 17!



If you want to save your relationship with your daughter I suggest sitting down with her and talking through your issues with fighting her on her independence. She needs to feel like she can be trusted, respected and not made to feel like a 6 year old that needs constant monitoring.



I hope you can find a middle ground with your daughter and can compromise a solution for you both. But please ease up! She's not a prisoner and your not a warden!

Cikku - posted on 12/12/2012

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Ok I will get destroyed by people who will hate my message here but one question for you, why did you tell her about you checking on her?



Just to everything but do not tell her. Put parental software on her laptop like net nanny but do not tell her - it is an invisible type of software. She is just a teenager so of courrse she will do what you do not want. We know because we got experience and they do not know cause they do not have experience.



Just make peace with her but on the sides but the software without her knowing.

Elena - posted on 12/11/2012

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The thing is saying "my house mu rules" only backfires because they get more creative in their rebelious ways. If you sat her down and explained why you're imposing those rules and maybe come to a compromize together she wouldn't be saying she's moving out. My sister is 17 years old, she moved out last year because of the same attitude from my mother. At first she lived with her friends but eventually they got sick of her so she moved out from there and changed her number so I have to call her friends to find out if she's still alive. I'm sure you don't want that to happen. Talk to your daughter, she's only 16 but she feels that you're not being fare because she's the one that bought the lap top and she feels that she should be able to use it anywhere she wants. I'm sure if you have a mature conversation with her she will appreciate it and will be easier to dea with if both of you come to a compromize. Tell her how you feel and what you're afraid off will happen if you don't know what she's doing on the computer. Good luck I hope you can work it out. Teenagers think that the older generation has no idea what they're going through, but remember I'm sure you felt the same way toward your parents when you were her age. You're a family, it shouldn't be a war.

Lee - posted on 12/11/2012

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The problem here goes deeper than a computer. At some point in time the two of you lost respect for each other and lines of communication broke down. You can't throw her out, she is a minor, even if she thinks she's an adult. You need to discuss a series of compromises that you both can live with & respect.

Crystal - posted on 12/11/2012

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i agree to most but kicking out or keeping here in does not work for all! it work for me and i was working makin my own money, but i dicoverd it was not time yet for me to be out on my own! what work then may not work now!

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