Tiffany - posted on 07/30/2012 ( 45 moms have responded )
My fiance of one year has been doing repeated dumb stuff. Its more betraying than dumb i guess. I dunno if it's something wrong w me or him. Anyways, i decided to ask him if he's fantasized about someone while we had sex (bc he'd called me by another name previously outta bed) he said no...well i knew he was lying...he has a huge history of lying as well. He finally admitted to me that, yes, almost everytime we've been intimate, hes fantasized about these ex flings of his. Im by no means ugly, n these women are seriously repulsive, yet hes w me. Then i deal w the constant feeling of insecurity anymore bc of him admitting this to me, i seriously can't stop hurting from it! Idk that i ever will. We just had a baby together in April and i also hv an 11 year old as well. I just feel like i can't do anything right n im completely worthless n im never gonna be enough for anyone. Im so tired of being betrayed by him. I have nowhere long term i can go, no family, no income, no car of my own...nothing. I feel trapped n i feel worthless. I always just wanna be alone anymore, n im not eating well bc of no appetite, n i just feel like crap! I know im insecure, i know im depressed, but i dunno how to get outta this. Im in counseling now n the counselor told me my insurance will only pay for seven sessions...im on session three almost. Then she told me im def gonna need more than seven w my issues. I just dunno how to make myself wanna REALLY get away from him. Hes very charming, good guy, doing counseling w a chaplain w me, rarely home, when he is home, he's either smoking or on his phone internet. I feel like i have to compete even with Facebook!!! Tonight we got into it after everything has been calm for awhile, bc he added an ex fling to his fb...why...someone please tell me why i can't be good enough for this man?! Why must he resort to his exes? This is driving me seriously insane. I can't keep doing this to myself n hurting like this. Can someone please give me advice???