Should I leave my husband or give him a chance to fix himself?

Callie - posted on 11/03/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I got married about 4 months ago to a great man that I had been with for over 3 years. My kids (7, 8, and 9) started calling him Dad and when asked why they said "because he loves us just as much as our real Dad". He has always been great to my kids and me. Well, a few days ago I got a phone call from him at work yelling at me to come home now. I had never heard him talk the way he was, all I could hear was pure rage in his voice! I got home to find that he had been slapping my 7 year old around!!!! I proceeded to have him arrested, a decision that I do not regret one bit!! In the days to follow I have talked with most of his family and friends and no one can believe that he did this. No one has ever seen or even heard of him becoming violent with anyone or anything unless he was being attacked. I know he is completely ashamed of what he did, he was in tears over it when I got home and I know there is no excuse for what he has done and that yes he needs to pay the price for it. I just think that for this to have happened he had to have some kind of psychotic break and needs mental help. I am wondering if there is any chance, given the help that I think he is in need of, that I could get back the man that I fell in love with. I believe people can change even in abuse instances. My father was abusive to my mother when they first got married and he got counseling and it never happened again. I know the situation is not quite the same seeing my husband struck a child. I just want some outside input please.

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Besime - posted on 11/03/2012

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Hi Callie, i think it would be best for him to seek counselling and until than maybe not let him stay with the kids without you with them, until you figure out why this happened, and is there a chance of it repeating in the future.

Tinker1987 - posted on 11/03/2012

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I dont see anythign wrong with trying too give him the chance in fixing himself. but it would be a long process, of him getting help,and earning your trust that he wouldnt snap like that again and touch your child.

Jodi - posted on 11/03/2012

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I think you need to get to the bottom of what the hell made him snap. I'd suggest he get intense counselling, and the two of you remain separated. I wouldn't make a snap decision about this now, but you definitely need to know what caused this before accepting him back in your life in any way, shape or form.

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Dove - posted on 11/03/2012

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If you had zero indication of any violent or abusive behavior before this... I would think that 'something' happened to him either physically or mentally that caused some sort of 'snap'. IF he receives counseling/therapy and he can get to the bottom of what happened and discover a way to make sure it never happens again.... then I'd certainly consider working things out with him, but he would not be near the kids for a while and not be alone with them at ALL unless/until a psychiatrist could give me at least some 'guarantee' that something like this would not happen again... and my children would not be left alone with him without some way for them to contact me directly (like a cellphone just for the kids).



If there's been any indication of violent or abusive behavior from him before.... he'd be gone and if it ever happened again... he'd be gone.

Besime - posted on 11/03/2012

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Lots of luck Callie. And I am very sorry your child and you had to go through that, I hope all your wishes will come true.

Michelle - posted on 11/03/2012

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If this outburst was so out of character then I would make sure he got some medical tests done as well as the mental evaluation. One of my close friends had her husband change like that (he didn't do anything to the kids) and they found a brain tumor. If someone changes that dramatically then there is usually something else happening.



Good luck with it all.

Kimberlee - posted on 11/03/2012

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I don't know if he'll change or not . There is no way I would allow him back into the house until he's been through some serious counseling and the counselor believed it was reasonable to think he was safe. I doubt it would be any shorter then a year minimum.

Callie - posted on 11/03/2012

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Thank you all, you have all pretty much stated what I was already thinking. Give him time (lots of time) away from the home to fix himself. I don't know that we will ever find what really made him snap as I am sure it is a mixture of a lot of things. But if issues that he has been facing get dealt with then maybe there is a chance for him. I just know that this is not who he is inside, we just have to be certain that this beast NEVER makes a reappearance, and for that we have to get to the roots of the problem and mend them.

Sophia Marie - posted on 11/03/2012

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I feel he can fix his self outside the home and you need to fix you and your child. this is bad and could get worst. what if the next time he kill your child? how would you feel?

Denikka - posted on 11/03/2012

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I definitely agree with the other ladies. He needs to get help and be outside the home and away from the kids until you feel comfortable with the fact that he won't do this again.



But like the other ladies, I'm curious about the circumstances surrounding this behavior. What made him snap/strike your child?

Callie - posted on 11/03/2012

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well he is in jail right now so keeping him away from the kids is not a problem.

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