Should I let her take him?

Erin - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 219 moms have responded )

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My mother in law wants to take my son to Disneyland in September. We live in Ohio and they will be driving down there. He will be three in October of this year. She plans on being there for 4 days. I trust her completely with my son. My only problem is that Florida is very far from Ohio and I'm so nervous to let her take him. I mean what if he needed me for something and I wasn't there or, God forbid, they got in an accident and I was so far away? I'm so torn, I've left him before with her but the longest was a day and half. But 4 days, I would miss him so much. What would other moms do? Let him go or not. Please some advice. Thanks:)



*Edit* Is it Disneyland or world that is in Florida? I get confused. ha



I am not able to go as I am in college full time.

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Ryan - posted on 02/22/2010

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Well i would suggest she take him for 3 or 4 days while still in ohio so both you and your son can adjust to the distance. By sept. it'll just feel like any other day just with more momma time.

Christy - posted on 02/22/2010

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I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My youngest was 3 and my oldest was 8. We live in Pennsylvania and my mother wanted to take them to my grandparents house in Florida and to Disney for two weeks. I was really leaning toward saying no because they were flying and I am truly fearful of that myself. I hated the idea that they were going so far away and I wouldn't be with them. However, my husband gave me some advice that made complete sense. Should I let my insecurities keep the kids from having a truly great experience with their grandparents? It is normal to worry but you know that she would never let anything happen to them. She is just as responsible as you are. I thought about it a lot for about a week and finally allowed them to go. It was a once in a lifetime trip for them and they had a blast. They called every day to check in and I know that I made the right decision. I hope this helps you. Keep in mind, you will worry the whole time he is gone regardless but that's all part of being the Mom.

Amber - posted on 02/23/2010

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I'm actually responding to the attachment disorder comment. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parentin... I have a child with attachment disorder and I know it took much longer than three days! As for your question, I think it really is up to you. It would be so much fun for your mother in law and your son. It's something I'm sure he will look back on for the rest of his life as the great time he had with grandma.

[deleted account]

Not only would you miss him but he would miss you too. I agree with Ryan, let her take him for a few days while still in Ohio so he could get used to not seeing you for that amount of time. I'm sure they will have a blast but when it comes time to go to sleep he'd miss you. I had my 3 year old brother stay over a few times and I'd end up taking him home because he missed mom. He's 4 now and he stays over every once in a while and still does the same thing. Perhaps, offer to go with and pay your way. Just let her know that it's nothing against her, you would just miss him too badly but you would like for him to have fun with his grandma.

Yaritza - posted on 02/22/2010

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To be honest i had the same type of dilemma. In my case I chose not to allow my M-I-L to take my child the downside was that she had already told my son and he reminds me of it every so often including this afternoon. I simply explained to him i would miss him too much and that I would love to take him myself one day. At the end you are his mommy and if you are not comfortable with the idea follow your gut. Your M-I-L should be able to understand after all she was a mother to a three year old at one time>>> hope this helps a little



Yaritza

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Katherine - posted on 02/27/2010

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Hi Erin,



I am locking this thread because it is over 200 posts. It's Com policy so if you want to reference it, copy and paste the link so you don't lose the thread.



Thanks

Katherine

Nancy - posted on 02/27/2010

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I am a Grandma and would like to answer this. I am 62 and have taken my grandson to Disney World. That was the most fun I had ever. I even went on rides with him. I used a scooter to get around and my husband and I had great fun. If they are healthy I see no reason why you wouldn't want them to go, also as long as she is a good driver. I never answer any of these but for some reason I wanted to. I hope you let him go.....

Falyn - posted on 02/27/2010

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Its no different from you taking a weekend trip anywhere out of state with your hubby and asking MIL to keep the baby. You still couldn't be there if there were an accident or if he missed you. I think the difference in this situation is that you do not know the place that he will be without you. It is well beyond your comfort zone. Honestly, the little guy probably won't remember the trip or you not letting him go and if you're that uncomfortable I would just tell her that you will have to pass this time but that in a couple years you will feel better about him going.

[deleted account]

So much advice, but here's mine. If you have not been away from your child for more than a day in 2+ years, you may need it and not know it. It IS hard to let them go, but youhave alreadu determined the competency issue and he will be fine! You on the other hand will have an opportunity to go out and have some fun. it won't be easy at first, but as you are doing motherhood and full time school I assume you have not had much time to just be YOU! I think it took me two days to even figure it out. With videos via e-mail and every other electronic thing out there. You can keep in touch. You can even make a DVD of your bedtime routine, favorite songs etc if he misses Mommy! Go ahead, in a few years you will be begging someone to take him, LOL. Maybe is can become an annual thing, so he gets to develop this awesome relationship with g-parents so you have total backup and condfidnece in an unpredictable moment, if you had to suddently leave town. You never know. Give it some thought, but don't overythink. Never turn down free vacations! :)

Lisa - posted on 02/27/2010

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What a nice gesture by your MIL! She should be commended for even considering doing such a nice thing...but honestly, the child won't even remember the trip when he gets older. I think it'd be best to wait. Three is a bit young.

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2010

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Im the type of person that I wouldn't want to miss seeing the reaction on my childs face the first time they got to experience Disneyworld. I love watching how Cooper reacts to soo many new things and to miss seeing his excitment would kill me not to be part of that. I want to be there for the biggest moments in his life and all the little ones too. Plus Florida is far away. I would worrie of Coop's health issues like what if something happened and he needed a hospital. The more I write the more I realize how I need to get a life outside of my son's...lol.Its all in how you look at it,but if you really thought it was a good idea you wouldn't need to ask others for there opinion. I think if you have any doubt or worrie he should stay with you and you take him on that little experience yourself someday.

[deleted account]

Absolutely NOT. I'm a mother-in-law and a grammy also by the way. You should NOT do anything you are not almost 100% comfortable with when it comes to your child and your mother and your mother-in-law will just have to respect that. Unless your mother-in-law is a very, very, very familiar person to your son and he knows her almost as well as he knows you, it's just not a good idea. Also, let's face it, at the mother-in-law age we just can't keep up 100% and 24/7 with a 3 year old and then add to the mix the crowds of Disneyland? Your 3 year old is really too young to enjoy Disneyland anyway. I took my daughter there when she was 4 and it was NOT a good trip for her. There's time for that in the future when you and your husband can go also. Anyway, this is my first ever participation in the Circle of Moms but I totaly understand your reluctance and your mother-in-law's enthusiasm for the idea.

[deleted account]

I would totally not let her. I adore my MIL too, but no way is anyone taking my kids that far, especially that young. Plus, I want to be there for the first big thing like Disney World!! My kids are 1 and 3...I haven't even let my mom take them to her house which is two hours away, so I definitely couldn't handle someone taking them to another state. When they're older, I would be more ok with it, though I would always worry!!!

Aashmita - posted on 02/27/2010

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No way. He won't even be 3, I think that is too young and way too long of a car ride. My son is almost 3 as well, and I can leave him with my mother in law for a couple of days at her place, but to send him for days on a trip to Florida is too much. That's a lot of packing and preparing and like you said, you would be worried sick about that long drive. What kid can sit in the car that long! Maybe when he's 5 or older and with another adult or sibling on a plane ride! :-)

Melinda - posted on 02/27/2010

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When all is said and done the ultimate choice is going to fall on you! So, with that being said. . . I allowed my M.I.L to take three of my children with her when she drove out to TX alone. We live in AL. So, the distance there your looking at around 10 -11 hours one way. I'll be honest with you, I was very nervous in the beginning. But, by the middle of the week I was okay with it all. I called my children everynight before they went to bed and they were so excited to tell me about their adventure with their grandma. To just hear the excitement in their little voices placed a smile upon my face. If you honestly TRUST in her, The trip will be just fine and a wonderful experience for your child to tell u about!

Megan - posted on 02/27/2010

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I agree with Ryan try letting her take him for a whole weekend then build to 3 then 4days at her house and see how the two of you do and Im sure he will do great and have a wonderful time and reassure you and you'll be more comfortable with the idea. He will probably take it alot better than you, my son does when he's stayed even one night with my father, I was a mess but he had a great time and didnt even want to talk on the phone with me, he yelled "I love you and ran off to play."

Sue - posted on 02/27/2010

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I have to agree with Ryan. See how he reacts first. My mother in law suggested something similar when my son was 2 or 3 and my answer was a resounding no. It hurt her feelings a bit, but I just couldn't let him go that far without me. He is 6 now and still couldn't last that long without seeing me.

Sue - posted on 02/27/2010

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I have to agree with Ryan. See how he reacts first. My mother in law suggested something similar when my son was 2 or 3 and my answer was a resounding no. It hurt her feelings a bit, but I just couldn't let him go that far without me. He is 6 now and still couldn't last that long without seeing me.

Nikki - posted on 02/27/2010

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I personally think that 3 years old is very young to be out of state without you. I am a pretty overprotective mom myself of my 4 year old daughter. I dont think i would let anyone take my girl that far at such a young age without me. but hey thats just me. If you are having second thoughts about it at all then i would hold off. he is only 3 there will be plenty more chances when he is a little older and you are more comfortable with it!

Nikki - posted on 02/27/2010

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I personally think that 3 years old is very young to be out of state without you. I am a pretty overprotective mom myself of my 4 year old daughter. I dont think i would let anyone take my girl that far at such a young age without me. but hey thats just me. If you are having second thoughts about it at all then i would hold off. he is only 3 there will be plenty more chances when he is a little older and you are more comfortable with it!

Cheryl - posted on 02/27/2010

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If you trust your mother inlaw completly let her take your son to Disney Land,she wont let anything happen to him,if anything she will be more protective of him & it will be a great experience for him aswell as build a great bond between them,Use this time to study aswell as spending time with your husband,when you become a mum the quality time tends to disapear between yourself & your husband because we become too busy & tied.So use this oppitunity to get that time back again & never feel guilty because he is coming back.

Cheryl - posted on 02/27/2010

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If you trust your mother inlaw completly let her take your son to Disney Land,she wont let anything happen to him,if anything she will be more protective of him & it will be a great experience for him aswell as build a great bond between them,Use this time to study aswell as spending time with your husband,when you become a mum the quality time tends to disapear between yourself & your husband because we become too busy & tied.So use this oppitunity to get that time back again & never feel guilty because he is coming back.

Michele - posted on 02/27/2010

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Of course you will miss you son, but why not let her take him and he will be fine without you. There is no reason that he should need you as long as he is with someone who loves him and will provide him with everthing that he needs.



As far as their getting into an accident, you could very well get into an accident right near you home if it is going to happen. Florida if very far away, but think of all the fun that you son is going to have.



As long as you have faith in GOD, then I don't see why you should worry.

Consolata - posted on 02/27/2010

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Join them on the trip. I would want to be there to share my son's first exhilarating Disneyland experiences If I were you. I have never let even my mom keep my kids even for one night without their dad with them - and she is an experienced and loving mom of 6 kids. The maximum I have been away form my 4 and 2 year old is 5 days and their dad was in full attendance. When they are older I know I would have to let them go for sleep overs with family but not now.

Leslie - posted on 02/27/2010

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this is a hard subject for moms, i am a mother of 4 and let me tell you i love them all so much but as hard as it is to be without them , it is good for them and you at the same time. you have to look at it from outside the box, the m-i-l has raised kids and they turned out just fine. so let them go, it will be hard but know that this will be a special memory that they will share with gma forever, something that they will always have together. its hard but it is a good thing to let them go.

Elaine - posted on 02/27/2010

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It's not the time frame I would worry about if its truely 4 days, its the fact that he wont remember it,or a very little bit, if any, and the anxiety and risks outweigh it, if you ask me. Have her wait till he's 6 or 7 or older.....then he will have special memories and maybe you can go too at that point, which is safest. I have been through this with my step kids, and then later with my own. They didnt remember disney and what we went through at all till they were older and we went again. You spend alot and you have to weigh out if its worth it. If you trust her then its up to you.....he'd be fine, but it would be purly luxery for the grandma. Good luck......

Christie - posted on 02/27/2010

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I would tell her to wait, for you don't want to miss this experience with him. We took my 4 year old and he hated Disney World, which made for an unpleasant experience. We always felt maybe we should have waited for another year or two. I feel your concern, I was in your same boat, my parents wanted to take all three of my kids without us. I told them to take them, but I was going to. I say celebrate graduating from school and go as a family. Remember he is going through school with you.

Christie - posted on 02/27/2010

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I would tell her to wait, for you don't want to miss this experience with him. We took my 4 year old and he hated Disney World, which made for an unpleasant experience. We always felt maybe we should have waited for another year or two. I feel your concern, I was in your same boat, my parents wanted to take all three of my kids without us. I told them to take them, but I was going to. I say celebrate graduating from school and go as a family. Remember he is going through school with you.

Amy - posted on 02/27/2010

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you should let him go, when he gets home you will get lots of love and great stories about his trip, I am a mother so I've kinda been there, It will also let you have the time that you need.

Sheila - posted on 02/27/2010

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I have four children 14,12,10,8. Your MIL knows how much your son means to you. Your son may need you, but that will pass as quick as the time that they are gone and return. Don't dwell on the what if's. Enjoy your time studying, or doing something for yourself, as to me that is the greatest gift you can give to your children. When you do this, and he returns you will be in an even better place mentally than you were when he left! You will feel refreshed and you will love how excited he is to see you upon his return! The time off for YOU is well deserved, I am sure! :) Good Luck

Charlene - posted on 02/27/2010

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my mom used to take my kids all the time on long trips nothing went wrong let her take them for 3or 4 days while your here so can see before sept. and see how it works out then you will know

Patti - posted on 02/27/2010

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If he were old enough to remember the experience, I would consider the dilemma differently, but to be away that long, that young, and it not even be something he will remember, seems like too much difficulty with not enough benefit. I have 4 kids, ages 11, 10, 8 and 6. They have been away with my in-laws for 2 nights, max, and that was only a few years ago.

Jayni - posted on 02/27/2010

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I feel you should may be let him go to stay with her at her house before going to Disneyland. If he is used to her then he will definitely enjoy plus there is lots to do in disneyland so he will not miss u. I know its a mum's fear to let the child go but the grandmother will be there so he should be fine.

[deleted account]

Disneyland is in California. Disney World is in Florida. And I would say NO WAY! First of Disney is such an amazing experience you will want to be there with him when he first sees it all. My rule is no over nights until he is of an age where he can tell you he wants to spend the night. My mil is very controlling though -so I may have a skewed vision of this. She would use it as an opportunity to talk about it forever and an opportunity to criticize me for everything he did "wrong" while he was with her. you have to understand, my sons are just about the most mild, laid back kids and just think there is too much opportunity for complications. Why don't you tell her - you'd like to go too and find a time where you can all go together. That makes more sense.

[deleted account]

Honestly, I would have to say 'no'. First, you obviously aren't comfortable with the idea of him being that far away for that amount of time..which is perfectly understandable. You should give that kind of separation a 'trial run' while he's still in Ohio. Secondly, what exactly do you expect a 2 (soon to be 3) year old to get out of a trip to Disneyworld anyhow? Yeah...there are a ton of rides, etc but honestly, he's not going to remember much at his age. So is it truly worth the trip at his age now or worth waiting til he's a little older so he AND you can enjoy that separation and his trip to the theme park? Maybe your mother-in-law can plan a fun excursion with your son a little closer to home this time around. There are a number of themeparks right here in Ohio...Kings Island (they have a kiddy section and a water park)...Cedar Point (also has a nice lil kids section that I've taken my little ones to at your son's age)...Geauga Lake (also has a kids area and a water park). There is also the Beach Waterpark near Mason that has areas to enjoy as a family and for little kids his age as well. Just some ideas for ya. ;)

[deleted account]

Remember this: she is your mother in law & loves that kid as much as you do. No matter how hard that is to fathom you would not have that little guy if she didn't have your husband. She is trying to do something "nice" & I think it is wonderful. So many of us grow up not even knowing who our grandparents are. Voice your concerns to her, but let him go. It's grandma for goodness sake, set up rules that you both agree to....keep in touch by phone & he will be fine. I just sent my son to Arizona for 5 days to spend with his grandpa (my father in law) & was a nervous wreck putting my son on the plane, but he called EVERY night so in the end when he came back it was a good experience for both of us. Disneyworld is in Florida, DIsneyland is in California.

Linda - posted on 02/26/2010

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I'm both a mom-in-law and grandma and my recommendation is he is too young to be away from mama for so long....unless he's one of those very independent little ones who really can handle it. And, if they are really close too, might be ok. Wishy washy answer, but you know him best, so what does your instinct say?? Listen to it!

[deleted account]

Do what you think is best for your son. He's only three, it would be completely reasonable to think he'd need his momma! Your MIL can deal with whatever you decide.

Maxine - posted on 02/26/2010

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My mother-in-law took our son to Disneyland and they had a great time. You are overloading yourself with unnecessary worries. The events and timeline you seem to be concerned about could very well be within one block of your home. Trust in the Lord and your confidence will grow. Keep the faith. Maxine

Lydia - posted on 02/26/2010

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Vicki I do agree with you the lines are so long, and so hot, food so expensive and you have to check the weather,to see if its ok when it rains here it pours

Vicki - posted on 02/26/2010

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My kids were 3 and 5 years old when we went to Disneyland the first time and really they were to young to even remember it except for the pictures. It was not as fun as you would think it should have been. They got tired, hungry and cranky standing in all those lines. They really enjoyed it much more when they went as teenagers.

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2010

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At that age, I'd say no way jose! My son is two and I don't think I'd even be comfortable with my own mom taking him to Florida. It's so far, and he's so young. Will he even remember a trip like that? I would say if he was 5 or 6, go for it. Tell them they should take him to Six Flags for the day instead. Then when he's old enough to remember and really enjoy it, then they can take him to Disney. That's what I would do anyway. Good luck!

Lydia - posted on 02/26/2010

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I live her in Florida, and have gone to Disneyland, and believe me it always pack, she has to be more then careful with him. You know kids like to run around she has to make sure to put him in a stroller. I take my granddaughter and she is 13yrs old and have to hold her hand so she will not get lost. But I bet he will have a wonderful time, just be very cautious and call often I am a grandmother and i bet she is like me. I always travel with my granddaughter since she was two, went every where with me, never had any problems GOOD LUCK Just give him your BLESSING

Joy - posted on 02/26/2010

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I personally think he's a little young to go that far away from home and for so many days, but each situation is different and every child is different. Ask him how he feels? Say do you want to go away for three days with Granny or Nana if he is close to her and wants to go then maybe it's okay? Your the Mother and if your uncomfortable about him missing you or you missing him etc. then be honest with your Mother-in-law and tell her you think he's too young to go away that long and that far.

Anne Marie - posted on 02/26/2010

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I think that maybe three is a bit young to go away for so song and he might find Disneyland rather overwhelming. I agree with the idea of letting him stay with your MIL for a trial period when you will still be there to get him if you have to. When my son was that age we often used to end up having to collect him in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep. It would be awful if our son was so far away and he wanted you and you couldn't be there. I think he would enjoy the trip a lot more when he was older, say about five or six.

Jidy - posted on 02/26/2010

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I am a grandma and I have taken my grandkids for a week at a time moms do worry but this is a chance for him to experance something he may never be able to again 4 days will pass quickly and think of all the school work you can get done

Jidy - posted on 02/26/2010

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I am a grandma and I have taken my grandkids for a week at a time moms do worry but this is a chance for him to experance something he may never be able to again 4 days will pass quickly and think of all the school work you can get done

Lian - posted on 02/26/2010

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my daughter was 2 1/2 when i let my mum take her on holiday to california dor 2 weeks - and i'm in england!! my phone bill that month was a bit big lol

Barbara - posted on 02/26/2010

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I have done the drive from Ohio to FL many times. It sucks! I would not put my 3yr old through that for a day at Disney. Plus that is a trip for you to do with him. Disney is cute but has many dark and loud rides, my little guy needed a lot of talking from me to get through Peter Pan and Pirates with out freaking out. My vote would be no.

Stacy - posted on 02/26/2010

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I personally don't know that I would let my son go that far away from me especially since he's still an early 2. If you do let him go I would make sure to get a notarized letter saying that in an emerengcy she has full right to have him admitted and to take care of him.

Isabel - posted on 02/26/2010

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Big decision but really.... he's 3 years old. he will have a good time but will very likely not remember it for long except for the fact that he missed mommy and where is mommy? will it be worth the heartache on your part and on his? And wouldn't you want him to be experiencing Disney for the first time with you??

Terra - posted on 02/26/2010

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I say that the fact that you are asking means that you don't really want to let him go. Don't be afraid of being the "bad guy" when it comes to your child, mother's intuition is real and if you are apprehensive about it trust yourself. If that don't convince you flip a coin, before you think I'm crazy listen, flip the coin heads he goes tails he doesn't... If after you flip the coin you want to flip it again you know what you really want to do. I hope this is helpful. (I would never let my babies go that far away and they are 6 and nearly 4).

Stephanie - posted on 02/26/2010

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If it was my "almost three" year old child I would not let him go that far away from me regardless of the place or the guardian. I was always very cautious of anyone (even their father) taking my kids anywhere without me, it only takes a split second for a small, precocious child to run off. I told my parents they could take my kids to amusement parks when the kids were old enough to go on all of the rides, at least by then they would know how to contact someone if they strayed away from an adult.

Tracy - posted on 02/26/2010

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Has your MIL ever driven with your son in the car for a long period of time? My thought for a 3 year old in a car seat for how many hours? The energy level required for a 3 year old is huge. Has she ever had him for an entire weekend? "We'd love to take him to Disney World" dream vs "Hours in the car and walking around Disney" reality should be discussed. But if you feel hesitant at all, I would say no. You probably would rather take him for the first time yourself.

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