Should I let my 4 month old cry it out at night?

Mayra - posted on 02/16/2009

I wouldn´t let my 4 month old baby cry at night. I think is normal for them to behave like that at such young age. They are getting used to this new world to them, which includes drinking the bottle. Keep mind that when your baby was inside of you, she was used to eating whenever she pleased because it was accessible for her at anytime.
What you can try to do is to keep her awake (by gently rubbing her hair behind her ear with one of your fingers) while she drinks her milk, as much as she can in a way that she feels full to keep waking up for more milk at a later time. and when you feed her, don´t hugg her to much so she won´t fall asleep because of the coziness. and warmth. Also check if the bottle´s nipple is right for her age group. Check if the milk is passing through the nipple easily or if its to narrow to let fluid go through. That way she doesn´t have to suck to hard and get tired to fast at the time of drinking her milk. SHe is still too young for the crib. She needs you. THe worst thing you can do is let her on her own and let her cry all night. Cuz is not good for their emotional development later in life.

Heather - posted on 02/16/2009

Four months is still a bit young for crying it out, have you looked into reasons like possible indigestion where it could be a s simple as raising the head a bit to avoid reflux?

Kyla - posted on 02/16/2009

My son is 5 months old as of the 17th.

Kyla - posted on 02/16/2009

Originally I was soooo against crying it out. But not anymore. When my son was 6 weeks he started sleeping through the night. When he was about 3.5 months he started waking up through the night. I though it would get better but it just got worse. I tried to just comfort or to feed him but he would just wake up again in a couple hours. It go so bad that I wasn't up once a night or twice. I was getting up 5 times a night +. Also he wouldn't go to sleep on his own. He needed to be cuddled and I thought it was time to break this habit also. So four days ago I fed him and had a few minutes of cuddle time then put him in his bed before he was actually sleeping. He was quiet for about 5 minutes before he cut loose. Like a lot of people here I didn't want him to cry it out so I went in after 5 minutes to soothe him. As soon as I would walk in the room he would stop crying but as soon as he realized I wasn't going to pick him up he cried as loud as he could. I soothed as best I could and then left. I went in again 10 minutes later and once again once he realized I wasn't going to pic him up he was crying full force. I tried a few more times but it was still the same. So I made the decision to let him cry. I made sure to just check and make sure he was ok every 5 or 10 minutes but I just let him cry all he wanted. It took a total of 1 hour from the time I put him to bed, to the time he fell asleep. But for the last 3 nights I cuddle him for a few minutes and put him to bed still awake and he hasn't made a sound. It took 1 night of crying it out for him to learn to put himself to sleep. Since then he has gradually sleeping better through the night. First night he was up 3 times and last night he was up 2. I'm hoping this continues to get better. So my advice is do what you think is best. Different things work for different people. Good Luck to you!

Laura - posted on 02/16/2009

This is guaranteed to work.....get the dvd sleepy planet and follow it to the letter. Its an amazing tool and it works for helping you and your baby sleep through the night. IT will also show you how to get your child to takes naps easily and on a reliable time table.

Please do not give your baby water. If they were to drink it they would deplete their tiny bodies of serious nutrients they need. Water should not be given at such an early age.

Sherri - posted on 02/16/2009

I'm definitely in the "not cry it out" camp except on very rare occasions, and even then not for babies as young as yours. At four months, she may be ready for a little solid food in the evenings. When my son hit 15 lbs (right at 4 months), the pediatrician said we could start giving him rice cereal. As soon as we did, his sleeping dramatically improved. We started with his next-to-last meal, at around 8, and gave him his bottle at 11 as usual. He started sleeping longer and longer, and we added another meal of solids every time he started waking up at night again. He's now a great sleeper at 15 months and only wakes up if he's sick or teething and feels bad.

I also second the advice to not pick her up every time, just give her back her paci, rub her back/tummy, and soothe her back to sleep. No lights, no talking, just a little reassuring touch so she knows you're there. As you both adjust to her being in her own room, you'll get a feel for when she actually needs you and when she's just whimpering in her sleep. Good luck!

Crystalyn - posted on 02/16/2009

do you have a swing...my son sleeps from 10:30 till 7:30, then he wakes up and I put him in the swing and he sleeps again till 12:30, my point is try a swing if you have it, it knocks him out!! Goodluck!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/16/2009

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! PLEASE do not let her cry it out! How would you feel if you were expressing that you need something or someone the only way you knew how, and noone responded? If she is crying that is her only way of telling you she needs YOU!!!! Please don't ignore her! I am a mother of a 2 and 4 year old. I never NEVER let them cry it out. And by 6 months they both slept all the way thru the night for about 10 hours straight.

Candis - posted on 02/16/2009

I have an 8 month old that still gets up at least 4 times a night to snack feed. This is because I don't have the heart to let him cry about it, but it is a bad habit and all my fault, not his.

She likely just wants comfort, but you they can make you wait up to 6 months before they sleep several hours a night in a row, from what I've read.

Joana - posted on 02/16/2009

I forgot to mention that I transitioned my son into his crib from a bassinet in my room and around 4 months.  I first placed the whole bassinet in his room.  Then a removed the "basket" and placed it inside his crib for a few nights.  Then when it was time to move him into his crib he was already familiar with his surroundings and liked being able to move around more freely.

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

Thanks for all the great advice. I went out and bought a swaddling blanket today and have just put her down in her own crib in her room after feeding and swaddling her. I will see how it goes through the night.

Joana - posted on 02/16/2009

I feel your pain!  I was ready to let my son cry it out at about 4 months but my husband was not and I continued to give in for 2 more months.  I ended up purchasing "The Sleep Sense" program on-line and found it to be EXTREMELY helpful!  Seriously, the best thing I ever did for my son and myself.  After reading through it I realized how sleep deprived my son really was and that giving into MY guilt was not helping him get the uninterupted sleep he needed.  Like the book says, if your tired, frustrated, irritated, and stressed...imagine how your baby feels!  The great thing about the program is it offers you suggestions and then you write out your plan and stick to it.  It only took 3 days and my son's behavior toward bedtime...and naps for that matter...were completely different and I am forever grateful I did it.  GOOD LUCK!

Bryn - posted on 02/16/2009

My daughter is 6 months now and I had trouble with her waking every 2 hours or so at 4 months also. My pediatrician said that she was too young to let her cry it out and she was most likely going through a growth spurt. I started giving her rice cereal at night before bed. I would also move her to her crib in her own room. That was also tough for my daughter, so expect some struggles. We just let our daughter cry it out now that she is 6 months old and IT WORKED! My doctor does not feel that she was cognitively ready to cry it out until now. I know that you are exhausted, but hang in there and it will get better. You may try to just rock her or give her a pacifier instead of feeding her since is not eating much.

Yona - posted on 02/16/2009

I believe the Ferber method says wait until the baby is 6 months old. I have friends who have let their babies cry it out at that age though and they're not regretting it. Use your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Every baby is different and no one knows better than you. I didn't let my son cry it out until he was about 8 months old, and even then, I used the Ferber method (tweaked to my own circumstance).

Julia - posted on 02/16/2009

Why not try giving her water instead of milk. Once she starts to release she getting water it might make her stop waking up!? It worked for me. He then just woke up once during the night for his feed. Good luck!

User - posted on 02/16/2009

if you no she has everything she needs and there is nothink wrong with her then let her cry i did with both of mine and its hard really hard but it does work , she could be teething at 4 months tho

Diana - posted on 02/16/2009

I just went through something similar with my 3 month old. He was bedsharing with us and I was miserable because he was "snacking" on me all night. We moved him into his own crib in his own room and not only am I sleeping much better (and being a much more pleasant person), but he is too! We don't let him cry for more than 2-3 minutes, but he's waking up less and less. When he does wake up we stick the pacifier back in his mouth and pat him and reassure him and he goes back to sleep because he's not hungry, it's just a bad habit.

Stephanie - posted on 02/16/2009

YES ABSOLUTELY!!!! Sometimes that's all they need. Letting them cry for 15 20 minutes won't hurt her at all, it will actually do her some good. The crying when there is nothing wrong will just help develpoe their voice and lungs. The bassinet thing is simly when she can pull herself up then it's time to move to crib, also the crying for nothing could have to do with the bassinet. My now 2 year old used to wake up like that too, but we found out it was because she didn't like the bassinet. As soon as she was laying on my bed or the floor or in her crib, then she was fine. I think some babies just need to have that open space. Good Luck.

Lisset - posted on 02/16/2009

I believe she is too young to let her cry it out. There is definitely a reason why she's crying, unless she has cholic. I'm sure she will grow out of it, it may take time. Have you tried rocking her to sleep when she wakes up at night? That is usually very soothing to them.

Shyana - posted on 02/16/2009

She's only 4 months old so I'd definitely without a doubt say no to the crying it out thing. She's crying for a reason and since she still isn't verbal you've really got to guess. Maybe the basinett is getting uncomfy as she's getting older?? Does she sleep better with you in bed or maybe try her in a room by herself, though I still would not let her cry it out. Honestly worse case scenario I say just keep doing what you're doing and it will pass. I'm quite sure she'll grow out of it if you just give her time and patience.

Ally - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Laura:

For the folks here that do not let their children cry...how many times do you get up every night? My daughter sometimes cries every hour and she is well fed, has a clean diaper, and has been rocked and soothed. It almost seems like the more I pick her up the worse i gets.

Our daughter wakes about 2-3 times a night sometimes to eat sometimes just to nurse for comfort for a few min and she is 11 months old. Since we co-sleep i don't ever actally get up and out of bed and we are both usually back to sleep in about 5 min sometimes I don't even open my eyes :) your little one just may be a child that needs a little more comforting..every baby is different..my daughter is def what most would consider a high needs baby...i just tell myself that i must be doing a really great job bc she never wants to be away from me...im sure your little one feels the same :) how old is your baby?

Beverley - posted on 02/16/2009

I would definitely not let her cry it out, she is way too young. Is she in the room with you, I found that helpful. I feel you should feed on demand especially at this age. I found Dr. Sears book "The Baby Book" very helpful, he also has a website www.askdrsears.com

Joy - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Laura:

For the folks here that do not let their children cry...how many times do you get up every night? My daughter sometimes cries every hour and she is well fed, has a clean diaper, and has been rocked and soothed. It almost seems like the more I pick her up the worse i gets.

I tried letting my son cry it out one time and I couln't take it.  It broke my heart too much.  I did everything on demand with him, from feeding to sleeping when he was really little.  When he was 4 months old he was still waking up every 2 or 3 hours to feed.  This was normal for us and I didn't mind it at all....it didn't exactly make me HAPPY to sleep in two hour cycles but I took it as just another part of being a mom lol.  Every baby is different though.  My son started sleeping through the night when he was about 5 or 6 months old and I was ok with that.    Now at 16 months he is in bed at 7ish and up around 6 or 7am and rarely wakes in between except for if he's teething really bad.

Shelly - posted on 02/16/2009

My son was sleeping through the night at 4 weeks, but around 4 months, he decided to wake up in the night and the only way I could get him back to sleep was to give him a bottle. What happens is that they get themselves into a habit of waking up and continue to do so, even if they aren't hungry. My son did this until he was 6 months. I asked my dr. about it and he told me (his own medical opinion--your dr. may say different) that by 4 months, a baby does not need to have that middle of the night feeding. All it took for my son to stop waking up was one night . All I did was go in every 10 minutes, rub his back, or cuddle him and tell him it was okay...then I would leave and he would cry again...so I waited another 10 minutes and went in again and rubbed his back...I only had to go in one more time  and then   he fell asleep. He has slept through the night since. Kaeden is only 8 months so I have gone through this recently! Give it a try...every baby is different but it shouldn't take long to break your baby of this habit.

Joy - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Michelle:

I personally think 4 months is too young for cry-it-out. I'm not totally against it, but at 4 months babies don't understand that you still exist if they can't see you. They haven't developed "object permanence." Plus, she is so young she may still need that one ounce every couple hours to keep her hunger at bay. I'm trying to teach my 10 month old to sleep alone/through the night now and it is not easy. I hope that helps!

I agree whole heartedly with Michelle.  But everyone does what they think is right for their child so there probably isn't a right or wrong answer here.  Personally, I kept my son in our room until he was 6 months old.  I tried the cry it out thing with him when he was about 4 or 5 months old and it tore me up inside so I ran to him and held him and never did it again.  The getting up in the night thing will pass.  Like Michelle said, your baby is still so young that she doesn't understand that Mommy still exists once she's out of sight.  I think that's why peekaboo is such a good game to play with little ones.  It's a fun way to teach them that when you "disappear" you don't really "disappear".  As for putting the baby in the crib or leaving in the bassinet, I followed the manufacturer's directions.  Basically, once your baby can roll over, time for the crib.  There are also weight limits and height restrictions...just read the manual for your particular brand. 

Laura - posted on 02/16/2009

She is doing what is called snacking, you need to regulate the feeds, snaking is no good for her. She should be in a crib really, but that is your decision. Speak to your midwife or doctors on tips.

Ally - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Brenda:

Quoting Michelle:

Should I let my 4 month old cry it out at night?

My 4 month old daughter wakes up several times at night. If I give her a bottle, she may drink no more than an ounce before falling back asleep. She does this every 2 hours or so. Should I let her cry it out at night? Also, she is still in the bassinett. Should I move her to the crib?

Untill they are 6 months I would say not to let them cry it out. Mine did the same thing when she was that little. Yours should be in a crib after the first month. Also putting them in their own room with a monitor will help. (If you are not already doing this.) I purchased the tv monitor from Toys R Us at the time. It was wonderful. Paid about $100 for it, so a little pricey, but so so worth it. Also try making the room a bit warmer. I purchased a oil heater for my daughters room. When they pee the diaper it feels cold to them so they instantly wake up and want to be fed and changed. When the room is  a bit warmer they dont seem to notice as much. Hang in there it does get better. Make sure that you are consistent with everything you do. And whatever you do dont cave in and bring them in your bed. (Exept on weekends occasionaly) That will create a another whole can of worms to deal with in the long run. Good luck and be paitent. Motherhood is awesome and something to be cherrished! Hope this helps!

I'm interested to learn why  you believe a one month old baby should be in a room other than their parents. Even for children who are in cribs at that point (and most are not) the current aap recommendations are that the crib remain next to the parents bed for at least the first 6 months. Also a space heater is a very dangerous suggestion...babies rooms should be kept cool at night..space heaters dramatically increase the incidence of sids. And I wouldn't think of trying to keep my daughter in bed with a wet diaper ...just sounds really uncomfortable. It also isn't "caving" to bring you child to bed with you. It is a great way to bond and ofter gives parent more sleep than those who have to get up and make the trek to their childs room several times a night..many people enjoy it and children ofter thrive and feel much more secure with that arrangement.

Molly - posted on 02/16/2009

To Laura Harden. My daughter is just over 2 now and I very rarely get up with her unless she is sick or teething. When she was 3 months old I was probably up 6 or more times a night. I invested in a very comfortable rocking chair so I could still get some sleep. By six months she was up 2 or 3 times a night and by 9 months it was maybe once a night a couple nights a week. I have a 2 year old that very rarely cries unless she falls down or is overly tired. She knows no matter what I will be there and that has eliminated the need of whining and crying. Perhaps I am just lucky and blessed with a child with a great temperment. Either way I based a lot of my cio opinions on a book I read called 'The Happiest Baby on the Block." Good luck to you Michelle!

Brenda - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Michelle:

Should I let my 4 month old cry it out at night?

My 4 month old daughter wakes up several times at night. If I give her a bottle, she may drink no more than an ounce before falling back asleep. She does this every 2 hours or so. Should I let her cry it out at night? Also, she is still in the bassinett. Should I move her to the crib?

Untill they are 6 months I would say not to let them cry it out. Mine did the same thing when she was that little. Yours should be in a crib after the first month. Also putting them in their own room with a monitor will help. (If you are not already doing this.) I purchased the tv monitor from Toys R Us at the time. It was wonderful. Paid about $100 for it, so a little pricey, but so so worth it. Also try making the room a bit warmer. I purchased a oil heater for my daughters room. When they pee the diaper it feels cold to them so they instantly wake up and want to be fed and changed. When the room is  a bit warmer they dont seem to notice as much. Hang in there it does get better. Make sure that you are consistent with everything you do. And whatever you do dont cave in and bring them in your bed. (Exept on weekends occasionaly) That will create a another whole can of worms to deal with in the long run. Good luck and be paitent. Motherhood is awesome and something to be cherrished! Hope this helps!

Ally - posted on 02/16/2009

My husband and I are firm believers in not letting children cry it out. Even as adults when we are upset , frustrated annoyed ect. we look for the comfort and support of our spouse, family and friends. Babies cannot communicate their needs like we can so they cry. I am a registered nurse and my husband is a paramedic and we have both had lots of training in child development as well as sseen first hand babies who were allowed to cry it out. Parents of cio children think that thier babies are well behaved and doing great after being left to cry sometimes for several nights for hours at a time when in reality they have simply just given up when they realize no one will come to their aid. I would recommend the baby sleep book it gives great insight as to what is going on with your developing child as well as coping strategies for mom and dad. It also highlights the scientifc studies showing the harmul effects of letting a baby cry it out alone by themself. We co-sleep with our daughter and it is wonderful we all get so much more sleep than what some of our friends tell us they do at night. My daughter is 11 months old and still nurses about 2-3 times a night mostly just for comfort and with her right there i literally don't even open my eyes. Good luck!

Tisha - posted on 02/16/2009

If you are uncomfortable letting your baby cry it out, you could let her cry for five minutes and then go soothe her. The next time you could let her cry a little longer...maybe 10 minutes and then go soothe her. You could just keep increasing the increments. Also, I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. It was pretty helpful.

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2009

Originally mty husband and I differed on this, I did not believe in letting our twins cry it out and he thought it would be ok (for a short amount of time). To settle the matter we spoke with both our family doctor and pediatrician and both said that you should NOT let a child cry it out before a year, or so. Younger than a year they are crying for a reason and to not respond could be detrimental to developing your bond.

Melanie - posted on 02/16/2009

I let both my daughters cry it out at bedtime, it took about a week and then eventually they both realised that once I put them down in their crib it was time to settle down and go straight to sleep. Hope this helps.

Laura - posted on 02/16/2009

For the folks here that do not let their children cry...how many times do you get up every night? My daughter sometimes cries every hour and she is well fed, has a clean diaper, and has been rocked and soothed. It almost seems like the more I pick her up the worse i gets.

Cathy - posted on 02/16/2009

There has been research done that proves that leaving your child to cry can negitivtely affect them in life.  I thought there was something wrong with my son because he kept waking up for a bottle or attention.  Everyone kept saying I must do the sleep training method on him which I refused.   Some children can cope with being left alone to cry but others need the attention.  One night she may cry for an hour but the next week could be the same.

Kristal - posted on 02/16/2009

I agree it may be time to move her to her room and placed in her crib. She maybe getting too big for the bassinet. However should you let her cry it out at night. I am a firm believer that the cry it out method is not a good method. Right now your baby is crying for a reason. She is only 4 months old and that is the only way she can communicate. If she is only drinking an ounce of milk then my guess is she needs something to suck on to soothe herself back to sleep. Sucking is a great way that baby's soothe themselves. I am not sure if you like the pacifier idea or not but it might be something that you can try. Pacifiers are great for them to suck on instead of them finding their fingers. you can't take fingers away later but you can a pacifier. Both of my kids use and used them for nap and bedtime only. My daughter is now 4 and no longer needs one but my son still does he is only 23 months. They all outgrow it when they are ready. No I am not saying to use it until they get rid of it. but you can take it away when they are older and they can learn to soothe themselves another way.



If you don't want to use a binky try to rock her instead with out a bottle. Try to change the way to soothe her. It might take a while to figure out what she may like but at least you can get her to calm down another way without makeing a bottle.



The cry it out method may work for some but in my opinion leaving a baby cry who needs you is just not right. But you do what you feel is right for the two of you. If you do it I would not let her cry for more then 15 min. at a time without checking on her because I think anything longer like 45 min. is just long.

Katy - posted on 02/16/2009

I would deffo put her in her own room, its better for you and her. Baby's make a lot of noise in their sleep and sometimes we will go and pick them up thinking they need us and all we are doing is waking them up and upsetting and confusing them. Also you will get more sleep if you cant hear all her funny  little sleep noises.

My son is 15 weeks and he was waking at 3am and then 5am, when he woke at 5am he was not hungry he would have mabye 1oz, i think he was waking out of habit. So one night I ignored him and he hasnt woken up at 5am since...that was around 2/3 weeks ago. He now isnt hungry when he wakes at 3am.... however I dare not leave him yet as if i dont go in at 3am he may wake up at 4 or 5 ..... I cant imagine he can last the whole night with-out a bit of comfort....and that 1oz.

Erica - posted on 02/16/2009

Her sleep cycles have matured, Touch Points by T. Berry Brazelton is a great read and explains it all. Ashley has a great point and with my own experience as my daughter is 5 months, has slept so much better in her own crib. Shelby also cries with her eyes closed in the middle of the night, so I know she is sleep crying. I wouldn't let her cry it out because you have spent all this time developing her trust and you would throw it away if you let her cry it out.

Ashley - posted on 02/16/2009

Relating to my own experience, I agree to moving her into her own room in a crib. My daughter and I had awful nights until I realized that she was crying in her sleep and if I just left her she slept a lot better. In her own room I would only wake up if she cried loud enough and she truly needed me. That way she learned to sleep better without me disturbing her. If your daughter is only drinking less than an ounce, to me it sounds like she just needs to figure out how to put herself back to sleep. (Plus this is what my pediatrician told me and at sixteen months old, my daughter only has a couple bad nights a month and usually when she is teething while I have friends who are stuck with kids in their beds or kids screaming all night long.) However, it also has to work for you. Being a new mother leaving a crying baby is hard and does not work for everyone.

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

I personally think 4 months is too young for cry-it-out. I'm not totally against it, but at 4 months babies don't understand that you still exist if they can't see you. They haven't developed "object permanence." Plus, she is so young she may still need that one ounce every couple hours to keep her hunger at bay. I'm trying to teach my 10 month old to sleep alone/through the night now and it is not easy. I hope that helps!

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

se wakes up 3-4 times per night

Carol - posted on 02/16/2009

Each baby is so different, there is no one answer to solve a concern. You have to go with your heart on that one. I could never stand the idea that I was rejecting mine by not going in, but others have done that and it was successful for them. I would try to soothe her back to sleep w/out picking her up each time, seems she just needs comfort.  Rub her belly, sing, hum, whisper softly, whatever works. But most importantly, YOU need your sleep to be a good mom, so be creative and find what works for you and her! 

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2009

i say let her cry it out one night and thats all it'll take. when my son was 4 months i did it and it worked. he cried for about 45 minutes straight and although it was really hard he went to sleep and slept through the night and did so every night after that. it is hard but it does work.

Molly - posted on 02/16/2009

I am a firm believer that until a child can verbally express to you what the problem is you do not ignore their cries. She spent 9 months being held tightly by you and hearing your heart beat, she probably just misses her mom and wants to know she is there. It may be a daunting task for the moment to get up several times at night but soon enough she will learn to trust that mom will be there when she needs her. She won't have to check just to make sure.

Tiffany - posted on 02/16/2009

I would move her to a crib in her own room. She will sleep better and so will you. How many times does she wake up at night?