Should I let my daughter's dad see her?

Erica - posted on 05/18/2011 ( 55 moms have responded )

3

0

0

A couple months after my daughter was born I found her dad, my boyfriend at the time, doing drugs in our apartment. Nothing petty either.. I immediately gave him 30 minutes to get everything out and leave. Its been almost two months, he has his own apartment, and I know he is still occasionally doing this drug. I let him see our daughter every few days at MY apartment and only when I'm home and he looks/acts sober. Of course however there is no way for me to know if he is honestly staying clean/sober. Should I cut off all visitation or should I suffer through this not knowing?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Meghan - posted on 05/18/2011

28

3

3

This is an unfortunate situation however the fact that your daughter is still quite young, is a plus. If I were you I would petition for a custody and have a family court judge require him to complete a drug rehab program, in addition to random drug tests , before he is considered for visitation. I believe it is very important for the child to bond with their parents, but it has been proven that all a baby needs to thrive is the bond with one parent, mom or dad, I wish you the best of luck, be strong and insist that in order to be a good father he must be good to himself.... ,...................................................................

Cynthia - posted on 05/18/2011

900

34

74

you can't risk it. if you leave the baby with him you are putting the child in danger, he needs to have more the 2 months of sobriety and then i would still have someone supervise. don't feel guilty that he don't get to see the baby. he did this, not you. be strong for you baby

Cathy - posted on 01/03/2013

1

0

0

I thought he did drugs but it was hard to tell, then one day I caught him, not doing it but looking a little high. So I left taking our baby daughter jessica. For the next few years we went through way to much courts, the father Todd couldn't stop fighting for his rights. Actually he won more visitation then I wanted because I was still in fear of his drug use....which he swore he was clean and he looks sober every time we saw each other. In life he seemed to be doing well, as time went by, even though to me he was always a headache, trying to hard to be involved. We (he)seemed to fight more when jessica got around 10. So he did more alone things with her. jessica was very happy with her father, she loved him a lot. I'm not quit sure why I never thought he was back on drugs around then or maybe he had never got off them, but kept them a secret from me. But unfortunately not jessica... when she was 17, just 6 days after our last Christmas together (at my home) jessica overdosed on her father Todd's prescription medication "fentanyl patch" she had the amount of 7 patches in her, that her father used to smoke and that is the way she died.. Todd had passed every single drug test I had the courts allow. Just two weeks before her death I called the police on him because she was drunk, he told the cops they were having a drink for Xmas...nothing happened, so I called cps still nothing happened. I really miss my daughter jessica..she taught me to go with my gut feeling instead of what is needed or what I hope to believe. Because his little grew into a lot. And now when I see Todd, he looks extremely high and deadly sad. This bed we made....and now nobody wants to lay in it. I sometimes feel as guilty as he does...or dumb for what I've done. Were all losing and have lost and I wish this on no one, if this helps you in any way, then I've helped jessica now. on-blind me to see to help another maybe she'll forgive me. Just to add something on Todd's behalf, he was a very involved father and loved jessica very much, she was his only child. And paying his child support with no problems ever, he never missed nothing in her life, for her he'd do anything,,in fact he may had been too good to be true. So why did we break up????

Shelly - posted on 05/19/2011

1

1

0

My sister went(and is still going) through a similar situation. Her baby is 18 mos old and things have gone from bad to worse. She is married toand separated from her baby's daddy and that complicates things a little. But the deeper he has gotten into his drug use, the more threatening he has become. She allows him to see her, just because she really fears for her life. If you can cut ties now, I recommend you do so. Your baby's safety is more important than hurting his feelings.

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2011

26,302

36

3891

Sorry meghan, are you addressing me? Because that's not what I am saying at all. I am saying she should continue to allow him access to his child under the current arrangements. if she refuses, he may try to take her to court for access (and he has every right to), which will become drawn out and expensive. Unless the judge has evidence of drug use, he won't order rehab, and in fact, he might even order that the child be handed over to dad for overnight visits.



At the moment, the arrangement is supervised, and dad seems happy with it. I'm not sure she really wants to rock that boat by denying him access altogether. There is no evidence that he is a drug "abuser" or is not sober when he is visiting.



Thank you for your comment about me not believing my children are worth fighting for. That was completely unnecessary.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

55 Comments

View replies by

Musha - posted on 11/15/2011

5

4

0

find out for reali if he is still using, and if so then yo can decide what to do , belive it or not a child needs both its parents , but if he is a danger to her then he shudnt be around her till he is clean , gud luck

Emily - posted on 11/12/2011

1

0

0

Been there. RUN! :) DO NOT TRUST HIM. Seek help from drug counselors to get thru your confusion. Until he has gone thru rehab and been in recovery, I wouldn't even bother with him. All an addict does is lie. Inconsistancy is worse for the child. And if you do let him see her, supervised only! Good luck and stay strong. Do not believe words only actions.

Amanda - posted on 09/05/2011

11

0

0

You have to protect your child I wouldn't let her go anywhere until he gets help no matter how much or little he's doing he's still a drug user

Regina - posted on 09/05/2011

8

7

0

DO NOT let him take her ut of your home, unless there's a court order saying so. However, if you petition the court, stating that he has a drug problem, they should order random drug testing every few days.

Julie - posted on 06/22/2011

114

36

6

Dear Sjahrne haitnan
If you read the comments of other mums no one is saying to prevent the father having a relationship with the father what they are saying as a parent especially the mother as a duty of care to make sure their child is safe the father has a choice the child does not this also applies if its the other way round ie the mother is the addict. the court in most countrys would not allow a parent who is an addict to have access or visiting rights unsupervised some countrys are luckier than other they can get drug test strips to the parent can check if thei clean. the other legal misconception is that if a parent is paying maintenance they have automatic right to access this is no longer the case maintenance and access are treated as two separate issues. Any court first concern will always be in the best interest of the child and safety is number one on that list no parent who is taking non medicated drugs sometimes called Social drugs access without supervision. If the parent loves their child they would do anything to be able to see their child and have a relationship with them getting help for their addiction is the least they could do if they can't be bothered then its not the mother stopping their access its their own choice. I myself have had to face access issues I have also been a victim of two parent using the child as a way of scoring points off each other believe me it is heartbreaking for the child and affect the whole of their life please start to look at what is in the best interest of the child. There is plenty of help out their if you want it just reach out.

Christina - posted on 06/21/2011

1,513

28

140

Go to court and petition for restricted visitation pending a hair follicle drug test. Tell the courts that is why you kicked him out and you want him to have a good relationship with his daughter, but only if it doesn't put your daughter's life in danger.

Sara - posted on 05/22/2011

1

19

0

I would only continue with supervised visitations, for the Childs safety, or until he can get his priorities straight

Sjahrne - posted on 05/22/2011

12

42

0

I personally hate it when mothers stop their kids from seeing their fathers I dont think its their right to make that judgment call. My kids father is a drug addict but one hing I do know is that he loves his kids and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. As long as they are safe its up 2 him what he chooses in his time spent with them. They are now 8 and 6 and have a great relationship with their father. even though I think hes a total nutcase ive given his own children the right to judge their father themselves. Ive given both parties the chance. If its safer for you 2 be around then be around but I dont think you shod stop her or her father from having a relationship.

[deleted account]

The baby's safety is most important! He doesn't have ANY right (legally or not) to put the baby in harm's way. Drugs are way over the top. Supervised visits sound perfect!

Gina - posted on 05/21/2011

0

12

0

I know that not knowing causes stress-which makes things difficult for you-thus for your daughter. If you are there and he is sober for now it won't hurt. I don't know where you are, but in Illinois my judge ordered drug testing, followed by a psych evaluation, and told me that even if he passed both visitation would be under my supervision along with an officer of the court. If you can see in the first 2-3 years that he will be in and out-keep him away as that can do more damage. However, if he is able to be a regular and clean fixture, then it is good for your daughter as not having a father often leads to later emotional/confidence problems.

Gwen - posted on 05/21/2011

0

9

0

Is his name on the birth certificate, if so unless you have taken legal action he has the legal right to see her. If you haven't taken legal action do so immediately so you can keep his visitation restricted. You have every right as a mother and protector of your daughter to set these restrictions. Does he really want to be a father or is he just wanting to make your life miserable? If he wants to be a dad he'll stay clean and get help in that area. Parents put their children and their well being first a drugie puts themselves first. We are the parents of an adopted child whose biological parents were addicts. Knowing that she was going to loose her child she walked out the door saying she can live a straight life. It was all about her. Please be proactive, get the legal system behind you and let them help him stay straight. Stayk strong and remember his actions are not your fault so don't feel guilty when you are just doing what is right for the precious bundle God gave you to raise and protect. Also a Mother's instinct is often clear if you feel unsafe show him the door she can't protect herself only you can do that for her.

Diana - posted on 05/19/2011

1

86

0

You can not change this man he has to change himself . I'm sure he loves his little girl just as much as you do he just has an addiction.... Everyone can pass judgments on that. All we can do is pray that he makes the right choices. That little girl is the most important thing here and keeping her from him might be the toughest part of his addiction. Your doing the right thing by letting him see her in your presence, your keeping her the safest that way. The bond that children and parents build are important even this young. My best advice for you for that little girl is try to get along with her daddy, he loves her too but still keep her safe and when he is clean and trusted take baby steps... Been in your shoes, good luck

Maureen - posted on 05/19/2011

10

17

0

I think you should allow supervised vists. Your daughter has a right to know her father. Also, I would be afraid if she were cut off from him she would glorify him in her mind.

Christy - posted on 05/19/2011

275

14

42

Are you expecting him to pay child support? If so, he has a legal right; however, you can let the courts know that he is a druggy and then he has to deal with them in order to see his child.

If he's not willing to pay child support you can make him sign a waver saying he forgoes all parental rights and then you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Julie - posted on 05/19/2011

114

36

6

You have done the right thing if he is to continue to see his daughhter it should be with supervision & you have every right to state that he is drug free and sober. Contact your local health service or doctor and tell them your concerns they may be able to give you a way of testing him to make sure he is drug free when near your child don't panic if they suggest talking to Social services they are their to support you and help you keep your child safe. Remeber if he cares about his daughter he will seek help for his addiction.
Keep putting your childs safety first your are doing all the right things the oldest saying is mother knows best this is true even in our times. Good luck

regards Julie Evans UK

Lyndel - posted on 05/19/2011

2

9

0

I should also say I initially went through family mediation,which was helpful for a few months. Had legal advic and wanted to get a court order drawn up but too expensive for a single mother, and legal aid would not support me as I was the sole carer of my child and they saidhe had to take me to court. So this question is complex and I would say that most people in this situation exhaust all legal options before they finally decide to take this horrible decision in their own hands. But yeah followinbg the legal proceedures was great for me as I knew I had done the right thing and was offering my daughter a chance to see her father and that the ball ius in his court if he wants to see her, legally.

Lyndel - posted on 05/19/2011

2

9

0

Hi Erica, I have the exact same problem, or had, so It's nice to talk to someone. I left my daughters father, she is now 2yo, one month before she was born due to the same thing. Inititially he would see her in my place, looking sober, but then later he would show up drug effected. To cut a long sory short, for one year we had vistitations organised with his family present, to minimise the chance of him being drug effected and a fight between us, he showed up 5 times and cancelled or didn't show 11 times. I no longer allow contact as he is too dangerous and inconsistent and way too much stress for me. There was no way I could safely let him be alone with my daughter. Wish you all the best, as I know the question of letting my daughter see her father haunted me for along time. And I just hated that anxious feeling when he was coming, if he would be clean or not, and then guessing the whole time when he was there, as the lies were out of control. Since cutting off contact my stress has decreased tremedously. My daughter is loved, happy and safe and that is the most important thing. good luck.x

Janessa - posted on 05/19/2011

289

10

0

I'd continue what you are doing, but don't leave him alone with her. Seeing her might help him to become clean and sober at some point if it hasn't already. But yea, I don't think I'd leave him alone with her.

Cindy - posted on 05/19/2011

3

6

0

I feel for you in that I know this isn't an easy situation to be in. I am a mother of 5 children myself. I firmly believe in not taking away a parents rights or not refusing to let them see their child. This only hurts the child in the long run. However, drug abuse can be a serious and very negative influence on your child. As long as he isn't showing violent or unjust behavior in front of you, I would continue the visits in your presence. If he truly shows a willingness to care for her and be her father, then maybe you should give him a chance. You can buy drug test strips at almost any drug store such as CVS or WallGreens. My suggestion is to ask him to drug test in front of you. If he is willing and he passes then you should reconsider his visitation by himself. If he fails then tell him your concerns and let him know that you only want what is best for your daughter. As her father, he should understand. In the mean time, let your heart and your morals lead the way. Do what you feel comfortable with but try to help him with his problem too. I would also like to say that I have the utmost respect for you for getting him out of the house. My personal experiences tell me that drug users have underlying problems/issues that lead them to do drugs. Try and discuss this with him and see where it leads. Just remember that you wouldn't want someone denying you your parental rights if you had an addiction/illness. Good luck to you!

Alecia - posted on 05/19/2011

644

21

43

i say keep letting him come to ur house to see her. as long as he is sober when he comes over, then i dnt see a prblm with that. but in no way would i allow her to be alone with him. if he keeps coming over visits and wants to then i dnt think u should keep him from his daughter at all...just be there to supervise

Kathy - posted on 05/19/2011

1

0

0

If I were you, I would consult a lawyer because he shouldn't be around the child at all if he is doing drugs. You don't know if he even has it on him and if you get caught with him and he has it on him, you could get in trouble as well. Don't take the chance, talk to a lawyer. Every state is different.

Kristi - posted on 05/19/2011

236

7

2

I think that it's great that you are making an effort (a big one in my opinion!) to be sure your daughter and her daddy have relationship. Your daughter will never be able to resent you for keeping him out of her life. I think your low expectations are wise, and I would just go with that instinct. Depending on how he's doing, I might even consider meeting at a mutually agreed location for those visits to make sure no one is at risk for bad behavior. As you were saying, it's hard to know for sure, and who knows if he might become desperate enough to do something stupid, like steal from you or harm you or your daughter in your own home. Stay out in public or with friends and stay close by that kiddo. Be very careful and be safe!! I wish you all well and hope he cleans up his act so that he can be a real man in his daughter's life! Love and hugs!

Jackie - posted on 05/19/2011

21

40

0

I would stick with the supervised visitation, what if he did these drugs while he had your baby in his care & got too wasted & forgot she was even there, drugs are a big no no around children/babies, they need you to be straight/sober at all times in case something happened. What if he was cooking tea & did his drugs than forgot tea was even cooking. Its things like that, that you have to consider! It may sound a bit over bord & extreme but for your daughters safety you have to think like that! If he wants to see her just keep the visits at your house, its not worth the risk & worry

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2011

9

15

1

Legally, you can't really cut off all contact without a court order. But I would absolutely insist on supervised visits. Does he pay child support? You should ensure that he does, might encourage him to spend less on drugs... and maybe ask the courts for random drug testing prior to visits. And get him some help for his addiction! Maybe without the drug he would have the potential to be a great dad!

Jane - posted on 05/19/2011

1

3

0

Because your ex is seeing your daughter at your apartment and you are present, I dont think you should cut visitation. To be on the safe side though, I would have another responsible adult there too, for protection if needed and as a witness, should anything go wrong. Otherwise I think you are doing the right thing.

Louise - posted on 05/19/2011

5

19

1

This is only my opinion so please take it as such. As you said, there is no way in knowing if he is actually clean. Listen to what your heart and your head are telling you. I don't think I could let my child go. I'd be a wreck thinking that they weren't being cared for. I'd stick with the supervised visitation. Good luck with your decision.

Sara - posted on 05/19/2011

16

39

0

well I had to deal with this too my ex took me to court because he didn't like being supervised in my house by me he got monitered professinal supervised visitation that he has to pay for and he hasn't done it and is still doing drugs. I really dis like when ppl say oh the kids need both parents so let ur kids see the father which is fine unless the father is unfit and possibly on drugs which puts your kid in danger and yourself. Well I hope tgis help listen to how you feel and don't let people make you feel guilty

Roberta - posted on 05/19/2011

1

12

0

Get full custody with all decision rights. Make sure he has no rights (which he does not if he is a Drug addict, at least in the state of Washington where I live). You can make a provision for supervised visitation IF he has a clean drug test prior to each visit (at his expense of course) if you wish. I have found this has worked best for me that way I have all the control and can protect my child. I have found it best to keep my child away from all his dramas. She is better for it.

Cindi - posted on 05/19/2011

2

0

0

I would go for supervised. If he gets busted while she is there , then you will also have to deal with the court system.....just a thought from an OMA.

PAULINA - posted on 05/19/2011

11

43

0

I would say allow him to see her, but only on your terms. My son's dad has only seen him about 5 times -if that much, since he's been born (10-30-2009). He isn't doing hard drugs or anything, but I refuse to let my son go anywhere with him, knowing there is a possibility that his immature friends may be in the environment as well. We have a DUTY to PROTECT our children, and until you feel comfortable with leaving your daughter around him without your supervision, continue to monitor the visitations.

Rosey - posted on 05/19/2011

1

0

0

I suggest that you never want to put a child at risk, maybe let him see her with monitored visitation.

Carolyn - posted on 05/19/2011

898

19

140

so alot of these replies have me thinking...

take out the legal difference between drugs and alcohol and only consider the mood altering aspect.

How many women, who are against a recreational drug user having unsupervised access to their child, go out and have a few drinks with the girls, then go home to their kids, releive the babysitter ? Or have a couple of glasses of wine in your home either by yourself, or with friends while caring for your children ?

there is absolutely no difference between having some drinks and sending the babysitter home/ after the kids are in bed/ catching a buzz with the hubby while the kids sleep. "what if there was an emergency and you could not resond properly because you had a few drinks ? "

these behaviours are even more dangerous than the guy who gets high once or 2x a weekend and sees his daughter on wednesday.

there is no difference between getting loaded friday night and caring for kids saturday morning, and smoking a joint early friday morning, and seeing your child friday evening. 8 hours is 8 hours. wether they pass during daylight or darkness its all the same.

Im just saying, before we run around preventing any parent from seeing their child because of recreational use of mood altering substances, lets not forget that alcohol is included.

Just because someone engages in a behaviour in the absense of their children, doesnt mean they are going to do it with their children around.


if you have no reason to beleive he is doing it while visiting, and as you stated it is occasional, i do not see this as valid reason to deny him access to his daughter.

Jennifer - posted on 05/19/2011

2

22

0

Get a court order that he has to pay a mediator or social service worker to supervise the visits and you don't have to be there to make the call then (you can be there, but the decision is outside of your hands). As he demonstrates more responsibility this person can then decide to give him more responsibility. Then you're not the bad guy.

Cathy - posted on 05/19/2011

2

1

0

I feel that children should always have good parents and parents that will protect them...in this case i would have to cut off visits until he can clean himself up. He can not respond to his childs needs if he's impaired or thinking about it. It could also become a dangerous situation for you and your baby, either with him or who ever he is getting the drug from. Right now his daughter is not his top priority so dont make her suffer just so she can have a Father, wait until she can have her daddy. I wouldnt start out by giving her bad memories. But try to get him into rehab but dont let his situation consume u at the same time. just my thouhts

Dawn - posted on 05/19/2011

3

4

0

I would only allow him to see her supervised by you! This is your daughter too! And you are concerned for her well being. He needs to stop using drugs, get into a program where he has to show proof that he is not using the drugs THEN MAYBE he can see her! If you are using drugs, you can not properly take care of a child . . . . . . what if there was an emergency and he could not respond properly because he was high. You would never forgive yourself.

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2011

12

44

1

I went through a similar situation when my daughter was young. Until we went to court my ex only saw my daughter in front of me. After we went to mediation he agreed to only see her supervised until he went through counseling. However the counselor released him to be alone with my child and he did harm her not by drugs but with other forms of abuse. My experience with the court was had he not agreed in mediation the judge may not have ordered anything because I had no proof. Even after court papers are written they can't enforce them without proof. I think you should continue supervising the visits until a court order is in place and then try to get the paperwork to read where he needs regular drug tests and if you feel she would be in danger you do not have to release her to him. Also check the laws in your state he may not have legal rights to the child if you haven't been living together other than daytime visits until she is 3.

Carly - posted on 05/19/2011

60

18

0

i would always do SUPERVISED visitation. but there is no way in h*ll a guy like that would be watching my child alone...just listen to your gut, never doubt your womans intuition

Aimee - posted on 05/19/2011

25

9

1

Let him see his daughter. Drug addicts are not bad people and he should at least be able to see her under your supervision. I agree, however, that he should not have her alone while he continues to be irresponsible. You could always drug test him too, on the spot, you can buy tests online. Good luck and best wishes, I know this must be hard

Gwen - posted on 05/19/2011

1,345

7

217

Document his drug use (to the best of your knowledge) and ask the court to have him drug tested. That will determine what kind of court-ordered visitation schedule, if any, should be established.

Ann - posted on 05/19/2011

9

0

0

You did the right thing by asking him to leave. Continue doing what you're doing as far as letting him see his/your daughter at YOUR apartment, when YOUR home and he looks/acts sober. Your daughter NEEDS both positive parents in her life, so NO do not cut off his visitation rights and NO you should not suffer through the not knowing, just let it go, but always be cautious. You don't need to know whether he is honestly staying clean/sober, Let him hang himself w/that option. As my grandma use to say "whatever is done in the dark, will soon come to light." Be patient, positive and upbeat for your daughter's sake when her dad is around, so that the blame is not being put on you for causing havoc. Keep God in your life and it will all work out.

Margy - posted on 05/19/2011

17

0

0

Every child has the right to know both parents so yes you should allow your daughter to see her father. I also believe the visits should be supervised until the time he has a clean and sober lifestyle.

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2011

26,302

36

3891

I realise you disagreed with my advice. But you also twisted my words into something they were not.

Where I live, both the mother and father have equal rights over the children, and a mother can't just decided that a father can't see his children because she feels uncomfortable with it unless she has some pretty SOLID evidence that the child could be harmed. To me, the OP does not have the evidence to this effect - she has been supervising the visits, and there is no sign that anything untoward was happening.

Meghan - posted on 05/18/2011

28

3

3

Yes I was addressing you because I disagreed with your advise, not because I was attacking you personally, and btw, it was a question not a comment, an inquiry not the statement of a fact. You took my question offensively. Why would you advise someone to live a way they are obviously not comfortable with, just to avoid confrontation? Also, there is more evidence in her statement that he is a drug " abuser" than suggested otherwise. I dont know what sort of family court is available in your city but in my experience, If a mother is the primary care giver to the child, than it is her responsibility to keep that child from harm. Now, I dont know what kind of illegal drug isnt potentially be harmful, do you? ( dont take that question personally). Again, probably a difference in state but in California, anyone one can walk in and petition for anything, it is up to the court to take the case or not. If she petitions first, making him the respondent, she can state her concerns and make that her basis for petitioning for custody. Petitioning for soething like that is not always a bad thing. Peopke change, relationships change and if my daughters father was doing drugs recreationally or otherwise you could bet on it he'd have a fight on his hands....

Elizabeth - posted on 05/18/2011

149

27

7

i think unless you not sure if you could believe hes on drugs or not then i would continue the way ur doing it but unless you know you could trust him i wouldnt let him see her by himself til ur sure hes been clean for awhile

Meghan - posted on 05/18/2011

28

3

3

Not necessarily, he can get an attourney all day long, since she is the primary care giver at this time, he must comply. Plus, she is not saying she does not want him to see his child, she is simply asking that he do so with out being high, and lets be real, there is no definative way to determine wether one is high or not just by looking at them. So basically you are telling her its ok to allow a drug abuser to continue around her young child to avoid a fight? Dont you think your child is worth fighting for?

Hope - posted on 05/18/2011

5

25

0

personally, coming from a single mom who's son's birth father is asking to see her son, it's hard to say no, and as long as you're sure he will not injure either one of you, and is sober (as far as you know) then you can keep doing what you're doing. don't let them out of your site though. i think what you're doing is right. and as long as you feel safe and comfortable, then definitely keep it up.

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2011

26,302

36

3891

Hate to tell you this, if he decides he wants to be an active part of her life and gets himself a lawyer, there's not a damn thing you are going to be able to do about it. So my advice would be to continue to allow him to have visits if that is what he wants.

[deleted account]

Visitations should continue as long as he is sober during them, but visitations should STAY supervised.

Jacque - posted on 05/18/2011

8

4

1

I am in a slightly similar situation. My oldest child is from a previous relationship. He is 8 years old and sees his dad 3-4 times a year (my husband is military and we currently live 8 hrs away from my son's dad). His dad does one drug fairly regularly; and I always pay attention to what he looks and acts and smells like if he's coming here to pick our son up. Once I smelled it in his car and gave him a big lecture about what would happen if he was ever doing it around our son. My son's father has lived with HIS parents for the last 5 years or so; and I trust them (the grandparents that is) implicitly. I talked with my ex several times over the last 8 years about my expectations, how I feel about the drugs, etc...and he's not doing anything heavy so he doesn't see a problem with it. If he didn't live with his parents I would not feel comfortable with my son staying with his dad. Thankfully I haven't had to deal with that--yet. If I were in your shoes I would definitely not allow my child to be alone with her father...I'd be too scared something would accidentally happen. I doubt your daughter's dad would intentionally do anything to harm your child; but bad things can easily happen when someone is under the influence (of ANYTHING). Hope this helps.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms