Should I let my one year old baby Cry it out at night? I dont know what to do.

Danielle - posted on 12/10/2009 ( 115 moms have responded )

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Should I let my one year old baby Cry it out? I dont know what to do. I dont mind having him in bed with us, but my husband thinks it is time to put him in his own crib. I also want to start weaning him off breastfeeding. He wants to nurse all night. I am also really tired... and so is my husband. HELP! ??? :) Thank you

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Renae - posted on 12/11/2009

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This post is directed not just at Danielle but everyone interested in this topic.

There is a lot of talk out there about CIO causing emotional damage and future sleeping problems. Well I was forced to do CIO with my son, I know you are thinking noone is "forced". Well by baby is now 9mo and he is at the developmental level of a SLOW 7mo. This is because he had a sleeping disorder (caused by a feeding disorder - hungry babies can't sleep). He used to be so tired that it was like torture for him. He couldn't even play for a few minutes because his tired little brain couldn't handle it. Its a horrible thing to watch your baby go through. When his feeding disorder (or rather the pain that caused the feeding disorder) finally cleared up at 7mo, I tired all of the usual no-cry sleep methods, nothing was working, it all just made him worse, now instead of sleeping for 30 minutes at a time he was sleeping for 15 minutes! We had 3 options left, CIO, medication (which would have side effects) or control crying (yes CIO and control crying are two VERY different things). I studied psychology and had always been against crying methods, I thought them unnecessary because there are so many no-cry methods out there, surely a no-cry method could be used instead.

So I went hunting through the all of the scientific and psychological research that I could find conducted over the past 20 years. Most psychologists disagree with control crying and think its cruel, so I definately expected to find some evidence that control crying has a negative effect on the baby. But to my surprise, none of the research has been able to show that CIO or even control crying or any other extinction method causes any damage to attachment or emotional development now or in the future. The psychologists and infant behaviourists have no choice but to agree that even if they don't advocate CIO or think its cruel, they can not say that it causes any harm to the baby. People who do say this are basing it on their personal opinion.

Sometimes, for the baby's sake, CIO is the only way. My son is so much better off for it. We can only hope the human brain is resilient enough that the sleep deprivation did not do any long term harm, but we wont know for sure for a couple of years.

I am now an advocate of CIO (only WITH cry interpretation where you listen to the baby and go to them if they do a "distress" cry). But, I never recommend CIO when it is just for the convenience of the parent (I tell them babies are meant to be inconvenient!), it must be necessary in the baby's best interests, the interest of the mother's sanity (sleep deprivation contributes to PND) and the interest of the family unit (such as other children being woken up several times a night).

I hope I have given you a different side to CIO.

Myrtis - posted on 12/14/2009

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For every book/person who tells you to let the baby cry it out there will be another telling you not to. There are pros and cons to both parenting styles. My advice to you is decide which you are and stick to it. Go about your own style with confidence, if you like having the baby in bed with you then just admit that and do it, if you are not comfortable then make the necessary change.

Either way this is the first of many hurdles you will have to face and you need to be confident. For what it's worth, I let all three of my kids cry it out at night as of 6-7 months depending on their weight and general health. That worked for me because I was not comfortable with the baby in the bed and I was tired of waking up at night. But that's me, I know lots of mothers who have kept family bed going for years and loved it. I think children turn out fine either way, it's really more what feels good to you.

Good luck.

Belinda - posted on 06/06/2012

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Hi Ladies, a nice gentle technique is recommended by Kim West, she has a book called "Good Night Sleep Tight". I believe she also talks about her technique called the "sleep lady shuffle" on her blog which can be found at Sleeplady.com

This is a gentle approach where your baby learns that you are there for him, but allows him to learn how to fall asleep on his own and you gradually remove yourself from the room. This gives him the confidence that he can do it and the reassurance of your presence. If you have questions or need further help then she offers coaching and also has trained other coaches to offer consultations and follow ups.

Good Luck!

Merissa - posted on 05/29/2012

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Well you definately don't want a three year old in the bed with you and it does take away from you and your husbands alone and intimate time. I let both of my girls cry it out. The first few times, the will cry for hours but if you stay strong, it will get shorter and shorter until bed time is not a problem. My three year old has been sleeping in her own room and bed since she was 3 months old and we have no problems with bed time. My one year old has been sleeping in her bed in her room since she was 4 months. Now when we put both girls to bed, it's a piece of cake and my husband and I have the rest of the night to ourselves. I would for sure say let him cry it out. They will be perfectly okay as long as they are fed and changed. Also once the child turns one, it's best to start on sippy cups and whole milk. They should be sleeping through the night, if there are multiple wake ups and he is wanting to feed through the night, there might be other issues. Ask a doctor for more advice. :) Best wishes.

Vanessa - posted on 01/07/2010

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i found the withdrawal method the easiest. Let your child now a week before that you are going to do this and even demonstrate it through play with dolls. Set up the room with your child so that they feel happy with what is in there. Then at night do your usual night routine and place them in there bed. Find a spot on their bedroom floor to sit but don't look at him. When he hops out of bed, place him back in bed saying "its bed time" then sit back down on the floor. this way he can see you and wont feel to detacted from you. You have to be strong the first night because he will try to get out of bed a lot. Keep not looking at him and after the third time of placing him back into bed do not say anything to him. He will get to understand that his bed is the place to sleep. Stay in that one position for a week when putting your son to bed. After that week, move one step closer to the door and sit there at bed time. Continue that spot for a week and gradually you will be able to put him to bed and leave the room without him crying. Best of luck.

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Emily - posted on 06/06/2012

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yes toddlers cry for attietion but if your away from trhem and they relize tbhat ur not comfortaning the baby they will stop crying

Jaci - posted on 06/01/2012

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I would say yes for sure at 7 or 8 months. I'd still recommend it, only I can't bring myself to do it with my 10 month old. I did let my first son (now 4 yrs) do it at 7 months and it worked great. It wasn't easy the first day, but the next 2 were way better and after that, I could set a clock to how long he'd cry before he was asleep - 12 minutes. My kids have never slept in my bed with me, have always been in their own rooms and bed. I have always nursed my son to sleep and am trying to night wean him and also trying to get him to take naps without nursing. I'm trying now to let my 10 month old cry it out to sleep, but he's been doing it for 4 days now and is still not figuring it out. Wish I'd done it younger! If there are other options out there, I'd love to know them.
I do agree that it's time for your baby to be to be in his own bed now though. Everyone will sleep much better when it's finally said and done. You'll be amazed how much better you feel with uninterrupted sleep. I think I would try putting him in a pack n' play or move his crib to your room for a week or two, then try him in his own room, as a sort of "weaning" process. It might take longer though. Also, try giving him a sippy cup of water for his bed - maybe he's just thirsty. My 4 yr old still goes to bed with a cup of water at night and will drink it in his sleep. =) good luck!

Kaylene - posted on 05/30/2012

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I am not one for children sleeping in bed with us. So I am with your husband. get the kid out of your bed. But thats my personal opinion. My fiance would let the kids sleep in our bed forever if I allowed it. lol I would start with 5 minutes cry it out and then 10, 15,20, ect. The second night I would do 10, 20,30. and so on... Go back in lay him back down and dont say a word just go back out. We gave my son a soothing seahorse. its wonderful. Plays him a lullibye and has a light on its belly he now cuddles with it and goes to sleep

Kelley - posted on 01/07/2010

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Has anyone suggested the no-cry sleep solution? That book saved. my. life. My son was 14 months old and slept in our bed every single night. He also nursed alllll night long. I was a 150 pound pacifier. Plus, he never really went down before 10 or 11 p.m. and was up at 6 every single day without fail. I implemented just a few of the suggestions in the book (definite night time routine, spotting his optimal window for bedtime, gentle weaning from cosleeping by being in the room the first few nights...) and he went from what I described earlier to a child who slept from 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 a.m. every single night in his own bed with no nursing and no tears.



Of course it's different for everyone, but I swear my child didn't sleep a wink until he was a year old and even then it was miserable--this book worked wonders for me!

Tina - posted on 01/05/2010

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I was told by my kids doctor as long as they are dry and fed let them cry it out they will go to sleep .

Diane - posted on 01/03/2010

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When our daughter was that age, our pediatrician said to just let her cry it out.

We would feed her late and give her cereal before she went to bed. That helped. But I had a hard time just letting her cry. I finally took a bottle that had a squeeze top, similar to an eye-drop bottle, that had no hole in it so she wouldn't get air in her tummy, and taped the lid on and gave it to her. She really didn't want to eat; she just needed that extra sucking. I was also told that having a regular bottle with milk all night was not good if she had any teeth, as it kept milk in her mouth all night.



I am a speech pathologist and I didn't want the nipple end to be too small that she would choke or that would put pressure on her teeth. A regular bottle and good nipple would be best but you don't want her sucking air into her tummy.



Anyway. That did the trick. It only took a few nights for her to learn to reach for the substitute and when she was satisfied she would drop it. She seemed to need that extra sucking.



Hope that gives you some idea.

Nicole - posted on 01/03/2010

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Hi everyone my name is nicole, i am a 20yr old single mother that really needs some advice....My father *my son grandfather* and I have rocked my son brendin to sleep since he was 1 month old, now he is 9months old. I want to stop rock him and just put him in his bed after his bottle, but he screams bloody murder and it kills me to hear him like that but i know i need to stop this routine now before it gets too late...And brendin is very depend on me....how can i stop this.....Please help me

Christina - posted on 01/02/2010

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I'm sorry you're having a rough time. My youngest (14 mos) still does not sleep through every night. This is usually the case when he's hitting a growth spurt. I saw one comment suggesting you wean first then switch beds. I switched beds and then weaned. We had a rocking chair that I sat in while nursing in baby's room. There's some good advice and some strange advice following your post. The bottom line is to do what you know is right for you and your baby. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Have you heard of the benefits of co-sleeping? My son is 2 and a half, and I just started it with him (actually out of necessity, because he was climbing out of his crib and wouldn't stay in his big boy bed!). I just learned about it recently from a good friend of mine who leads a club/group called "peaceful parenting". She has posted some great articles saying that there are a lot of great benefits to co-sleeping, and that kids naturally between the age of 2 1/2-3 or so, start wanting to be more independent and you can bribe them or get them excited to sleep on their own. If you want to learn more about it, I'd got to Dr. Sear's website:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...

Hope these can maybe help you out! Also, kudos to you for being able to breasfeed for a year already, I could only do it for 3 months and then I was running out of milk and he was refusing to drink from me because the bottle was so much easier!

Sara - posted on 01/01/2010

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You should do what works best for you. My sister encouraged me to do this technique with my son, but I did not feel comfortable with it. My son (15 months) falls asleep cuddled next to me, then I take him to his bed. I could certainly be doing other things, but it is the only time he allows me to hold/cuddle him during the day.

Odelle - posted on 01/01/2010

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"Crying it out" is an archaic idea and can impede a child's development and attachment, which is foundation for relationships throughout life. Your little person needs to know that his needs can be met and is not able to tell you verbally what they are yet. That said, his need might be to be near you---which is less than ideal in the middle of the night.



I would agree with Alina-try moving him further and further away. I have heard of parents who have a matress on the floor outside the bedroom door. As for the weaning, this is going to require that you be strong. Weaning is not an easy process and takes full commitment from Mom and Dad. But you might not want to try both at the same time-it could make life miserable for all of you to eliminate two means of comfort and closeness for your kiddo.

Ilse - posted on 01/01/2010

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Yep its hard to get ur child out of ur bed when u have let them in for such a long time. U have to be tough with him and let him cry it out but no longer then 40mins then go back in and resettle. Not with the boob though. Also dont let him get too worked up so when u hear that he is starting to get into a state go in straight away and comfort him otherwise it will take longer to resettle again. It will be very tough but u have to stick with it. U may be up all night with him the 1st night or so but evenually he will realise that he now sleeps in his own bed and it will get easier. Not to be rude but really its not his fault and u shouldnt have let him sleep in ur bed all the time and feed all night. At 1st its going to seem like its not going to work but the best thing u can do is to be persistant and consistant and that is the same for everything for parenting really. U could also ring a parenting line they will be great and have lots of advice too. Best of luck and hope that its not too hard:)

Angie - posted on 12/31/2009

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It is totally ok to let a 1 year old cry it out.I agree with whoever said that it is best not to have them in your bed to begin with..(increased SIDS risk as well as poorer sleep for you) however, you have started it and now it is time to move to their own crib. Do whatever you can handle. Put your baby to bed and let them cry. You can go and check on them after 5 or 10 minutes. Rub their back/tummy , whatever. But do not take them out of the crib. If they continue to cry go back in after another 10/15 minutes. Repeat the soothing talk /rubbing back. Each time extended the time you allow them to cry and eventually they will fall asleep. God luck!

Jen - posted on 12/31/2009

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It will be easier to wean him if he is in his own bed. I don't think it is harmful to let a one year old cry it out. You could let him cry for 10 minutes, and then if he is still crying hard, you could go comfort him and then try again. You could try a bottle or sippy with water, too. It will probably take a few nights, but in the long run everyone will get better sleep :). I just did this with my daughter who is 13 months old. If she wakes up at night I don't let her cry too long. I had to stop nursing, so now I cuddle her and walk the hall for a couple of minutes and then lay her down again. She usually goes back too sleep. We have had a few nights where she doesn't wake up at all. It's wonderful. Anyway, do what works best for you and your family.

Kelly - posted on 12/31/2009

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Wow alot of great comments. But my advice to new parents is never sleep with infant, because that is just dangerous. He is ok and the crying is the only way he has to communicate with you that he is not happy with his new enviroment and situation. You are the parents and don't let him rule your life. He will evenually realize that he is safe and that everything is alright. And he does not need all of that breast milk at one year of age. good luck.

Jamie - posted on 12/31/2009

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I recently attended a conference on child behavior, I teach, the speaker discussed that some of the behavior problems we are seeing is due to the fact we no longer swaddle babies. We don't rock them to sleep, we dress them up in cute little clothes instead of wrapping them up holding them close and rocking our children. Do I believe this? yes to some degree, my son had RSV when he was 3 months, he selpt on my mom's chest and she bet his back all night, I also held him close from birth and sang to him. I believe we should hold them as long as we can, of course he is 8 years old, and just started sleeping in his on bed.

Amy - posted on 12/31/2009

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I would have to say let him cry it out. Better now than later. If you give in to the crying that is what they learn to do to get their way. It only gets harder the older they get. I had to take away my son's pacifier and it only took him a week to stop crying for it and going to sleep on his own. It does get easier with time. I suggest staying in his room and over time gradually move closer and closer to the door and than out in the hallway. In no time he will being going right to sleep, hopefully:).

Emily - posted on 12/31/2009

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I would not recommend them sleeping in the same bed with you. My little boy would cry in the wee hours around a year and I would just bring him in bed with us, I figured it was only 3 hours before I got up so whats the big deal. Well then it turned out every night he would do this. Finally one night I said enough and put him is his crib and let him cry it out before I knew it he was sleeping. I thought good, well now he just turned 2 and he thinks he needs to fall asleep in our bed, I try to sneak him down to his room when he's out but a few hours he crying or calling for me. I try really hard but being I am 30 wks along with #2 I have trying to get as much sleep as I can before this one comes. We are hoping to move him into a bigger room with a toddler bed in the next 2 weeks so good luck and I understand where your coming from.

Janine - posted on 12/31/2009

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I've read a lot of these, but not all so excuse me if I resay something already said. I have 3 kids ... a 13 yr old and 11 yr old twins. I never managed to nurse past 3 months. My oldest I couldn't keep up with. My pediatrician suggested I give him cereal before bed so that he didn't get hungry during the night, he was 8 weeks old and not an overweight baby, just a hungry one. I would give him cereal that was about a tablespoon of formula with about 1/2 a teaspoon of cereal in it with a spoon, not through a nipple. A baby has the ability to do this, they make a huge mess at first but they get it very quickly. I would feed him the cereal and a bottle at about 10pm and he would last until 6ish in the morning. I put my kids in bassinets from the beginning, the oldest slept in our bathroom (it was big) with the door mostly closed. I can't remember exactly when he went upstairs to his crib but I'm guessing at about 2 1/2 months. We would give him his night feeding and put him to bed, he was usually asleep when he went into bed and we ultimately had trouble with him waking up and needing to be rocked back to sleep. We did a version of crying it out. Into bed, let him cry for a couple of minutes, go in and touch him and speak to him, go out again, repeat at longer intervals. It only took a couple of nights. He would then wake up and if nothing was wrong would put himself back to sleep. In the morning he would play by himself until I got up there. I always used a baby monitor so that I knew what he was up to. I had it turned way down so that unless he really needed me, I didn't hear him. He's an excellent sleeper to this day. The twins were preemies, so it was an entirley different sequence of events but when they were healthy, sleeping was never an issue. We didn't do the rocking to sleep part as standard procedure, it happened on occasion but was not part of the routine. Having spent weeks in the NICU they didn't expect it. All of the kids are healthy, well adjusted kids. What it comes down to is that much of this issue is about what the parents need, not what the kids need. Parents keep kids with them because the parents need it, the kids don't. But they do come to expect it and thus will be the ones who have to go through withdrawal. Of course the parents will go through withdrawal as well, but presumably they are adults and understand it better. Another thing that I did, once the twins were home, was used "noise makers" in each of their rooms. The little things that make different noises, white noise, rainforest, babbling brook, ocean, heartbeats and an assortment of others. It's soothing to the kids and cuts down on the amount of noise the kids can hear from the rest of the house. They still use them. It's great if you have someone sick during the night, the others don't hear it. Another thing I saw in the above comments, a child should not go to sleep with formula or juice in their mouths, especially once they have teeth. I'm not sure if breast milk has the same cavity causing properties. I know a child who went to sleep with a bottle of something all the time, she lost her baby teeth long before she should have because they were rotten or ended up with fillings. Which would you rather have? A child crying because it's not getting what it wants or a child screaming because it's getting teeth filled or pulled? At a year a child is not getting all that much food value from breast milk anyway, so the child is not hungry at night it just wants the soothing from sucking. A pacifier would work as well. My daughter was the only one that had any interest in pacifiers but we had a rule that it stayed in her bed, she was not to have it outside of her bed, I didn't want to have one of those kids that learn to talk with a pacifier in her mouth! Good luck to you, I hope by now you have settled on a plan, I'm answering this about 3 weeks after you asked the question.

Natalie - posted on 12/31/2009

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most things i have seen/heard say to either do as alina said "start with his bed in your room very close to your bed. it helps make the transition easier. move it a little farther away as he gets better", or the way i did it was to rock him til he was pretty much inn a dozing off state, then i would put him in the bed with a fan on for noise (pointed away from him), turned on his mobile and left. for about two weeks we did this, some nights he would sleep in our bed the second half of the night, but if he cried in the middle of the night, i let him cry for about 10 mins to let him try to soothe himself some. then the second week i waited 15 mins. now he sleeps all night. check out websites for tips. my baby soothes himself in th middle of the night now

Evelyn - posted on 12/31/2009

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If you let your child be in bed with you and your husband you will never get that child out of your bed for years to come so if I was you I would let that child cry it out. For me my baby is 5 years old and she still cries to get in the bed with me. I would start to wean him now. If you are tired then that child can tell so give that baby a sippy cup before you lay him down and put a shirt of yours in his crib that you wear alot. Mothers was telling me that too I wished that I would have listened.

Kelly - posted on 12/30/2009

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I read a spectacular article in my dentist's office last Summer about how to get your children out of your bed. I tried it and it worked! My 2 year old was winding up in our bed every night from the same reasons you stated. We were too tired to kick him out. Anyway, the article had two points. You have to get your child comfortable in his bed. There are two ways to do it. First, it said to start a bed time routine. (We didn't have one.) We started having a half hour of quiet time before bedtime. Then we would brush teeth and go read a book at his bedside. After the book is read, it was lights out time. Here is the kicker: I slept in his room on an air mattress. My husband and I would take turns. You have to be there so when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he knows you're there. Once he gets accustomer to you being there, you start moving yourself out the door. You graduate to sitting in a chair while he falls asleep. Then you move to sitting on the floor by the door, until you move out the room. It took us 2 full months to get to the point where we could just put him to bed. THE NUMBER 1 THING YOU MUST REMEMBER IS NO MATTER HOW TIRED AND WORN OUT YOU ARE, ONCE HE'S OUT OF YOUR BED, HE'S OUT FOR GOOD. If you don't stick to it, it won't work. My son used to wake up at least one night a week. Instead of taking him to my bed, I started taking him to the couch.



Also, one other thing that I've read, that seemed to be appropriate, was not to make too many changes in your babies life at once. It sounds to me like you're going to have to wean first and then once he's adjusted, move on to the next stage.

Good luck!

Jill - posted on 12/30/2009

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Quoting emilie:

Hi there! After letting our first child sleep with us i was determined not to go down the same route with the 2nd!!!It worked! we would explain that its time to sleep and that we would play tomorrow - if he cried, we would go in, settle him but without saying a single word, then leave the room, make sure it is all done in complete silence with no eye contact...It can take 100 go's but eventually they learn to settle themselves and they dont feel abandoned like they do when you let them just cry it out. Our 2nd is now 3 and settles immediately and sleeps all night. The first is 9 and still has problems getting to sleep in his own room.



I totally agree with Emilie.  (As well as any of the other mothers that have suggested similar ideas.)  I have a 12 year old that used to sleep with us, or fall asleep on someone on and off throughout the years, and he's still having trouble getting himself to sleep at night.



On the other hand, I have a 2 year old and twin 13 month old boys, and they are all going to sleep almost as soon as I put them in their cribs.



Another thing I'd suggest is a bath, a book, or soothing music before bed... any routine to get him relaxed.  Johnson's has a Betime Bath to help relax and calm them and I always use it for the babies.  And putting him to sleep at the same time every evening. 



Good luck  =)

Emilie - posted on 12/30/2009

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Hi there! After letting our first child sleep with us i was determined not to go down the same route with the 2nd!!!It worked! we would explain that its time to sleep and that we would play tomorrow - if he cried, we would go in, settle him but without saying a single word, then leave the room, make sure it is all done in complete silence with no eye contact...It can take 100 go's but eventually they learn to settle themselves and they dont feel abandoned like they do when you let them just cry it out. Our 2nd is now 3 and settles immediately and sleeps all night. The first is 9 and still has problems getting to sleep in his own room.

Claire - posted on 12/30/2009

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our little boy is only 9 weeks old. his bedtime is 7o'clock. if he cries we let him cry for a bit and tire himself out, after a while he gives up and nods off to sleep. he thwen has a feed at 10pm and he goes straight back to bed after and sleeps untill 6 in the morning . x

Kari - posted on 12/30/2009

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Go out and get the book by Dr. Jodi Mendel (sp?) called "Sleeping Through the Night" and remember that the routines you create now will be much more painful to manage as your child gets older - in other words, how will you feel when he is 9 and won't go to bed without an hour long routine? This book will help you get your child to bed in his own bed without a long drawn out routine - if you follow her advice. I have twins who are now 9 and they go to bed right on time, wide awake, and put themselves to sleep - they have done this since they were 10 months old. Best of luck to you!

TeOne - posted on 12/30/2009

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Yeah totally, sometime it pays to be cruel to be kind. I had my son sleeping with me because I was breast feeding it was easier to have him right next to me. The problem here is that he can smell the milk so he is going to constantly wake up and want more. When he was 13 months I put him in his own crib next to my bed, I would make sure he was full up on milk and porridge before I put him down. He would cry for the first couple of nights, then after that he realised that I wasnt going to get up for him so he learnt to go to sleep on him own. Its fabulous, he now sleeps all through the night till morning. I then weaned him off the breast at 15 - 16 months old, introduced him to bottle milk, he now drinks it and finally forgotten about the breast. Hope this info his helpful and good luck!!!! PS: Be strong

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2009

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I say just do it. He will, eventually, have to learn how to sleep on his own. Otherwise, you'll have an 8-year-old in bed with you every night! With my daughter (my first), we tried the cry out method by going to her to calm her down, going back in 5 minutes, going back in 10 minutes, 15, 20, etc. That worked for about a month, then she started up again. One night when I wasn't home and couldn't object, my husband put her to bed and let her cry. She cried for 15 minutes, realized we were coming in and went to sleep (she was 11 months). She's been going to sleep awake at bedtime ever since and I never hear a peep out of her (she's 3 1/2 now). For my son, I couldn't wait that long. As soon as the doc told me he could self-soothe (6 months old), I let him cry it out. He cried for a little while and when he realized we weren't coming back, he went to sleep. He is now 21 months, and sleeps fine. He doesn't always go right to sleep, as I can hear him talking or singing through the monitor, but he knows that we're not coming in his room so he puts himself to sleep. It sounds cruel, but its really best for both of you in the long run!!

Missii - posted on 12/29/2009

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I do not know if this will work for you, however, it did work for me. I worked nights when my son was born until he was around 6 months old. My MIL babysat and put him to bed at night. She also put him to bed with a bottle which I NEVER did. This got him addicted to the bottle as I put it. He would NOT go to sleep ever without that bottle. I was afraid he would rot his teeth. I quit my job and stayed home with him. He drank a sippy cup all day from 6 months on, however at night time he took a bottle. At 8 months I decided it was time for the bottle to go. I would sit him on my lap and give him his cup before bed. We would then go upstairs, brush teeth, say prayers, read a story and I would put him in his bed. He would cry... Alot. The first few nights I went in about every 5 minutes and told him mommy loved him and it was time to go night night. After that I would go in every 10 mins and tell him mommy loved him and it was time to go night night. After around 2 weeks he didn't cry anymore. He is now 16 months and when he is ready for bed he grabs his blankie and tells me NI NI. There isn't any crying or fussing. I hope this helps!! let me know :)

Cynthia - posted on 12/29/2009

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It is necessary to get him out of your bed. Your husband seems to have been sharing your attention enough. Try starting him out with a bottle a few times a day to wean him and then put him in a separate room. He will cry it out eventually. Give him something to look at. He may just be bored and lonely. If you go to him, don't give in, just get him to lie down, read a story or rub his back and then leave. A bedtime routine including a bath, a massage, then tucked in to sleep will help him to acclimatize.

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2009

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I think it's ok to do what you feel is best for your little one. My little one has problems sleeping through the night and he is 1 1/2 . Just keep in mind that it's not forever. I actually cherish the times when he wakes up because I realize that it's not forever.

Angie - posted on 12/29/2009

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I belive in the "cry it out". but, do small incarments. I once had someone tell me, "you just let your baby cry for 5 min and was in pain for that 5 min and for what? You pick him up and gave him, he learned nothing and he was in pain for it." so i guess what im saying is that if your going to do it, don't back out (like i did so many times). He will need to learn to put him self to sleep eventually, and it's easier to do it when they are younger. Good luck, do what your heart tells you. If YOUR ready to let him cry it out, then he's ready.

Louise - posted on 12/29/2009

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I am not an advocate of controlled crying.



If your child is upset you should be with them, be the caring parent they are needing at that time. I was told with my oldest that it was normal to let them cry in their beds if they were over tired or you wanted them to go to sleep! I am now three more on and discovered how calm and happy a child you can have by being there by their side, when they want assistance help them, when they cry pick them up. Don't assume that I am a mother controlled, far from it, but I know that my personality comes out in my children and when I am happy they are too. So even though I'm having a down day, Leo never knows about it or feels the vibes! The only times he cries now is teething or when he wakes up from a nap and no one hears him shouting. Yes 'ahhhhhurgghh' can be taken to mean anything! Currently it's mom, dad, juice, bottle, food, poo, water and himself on the computer....

Put his crib next to your side of the bed, when he nods off in your bed, move him across to his, if he wakes up in the night you can reach out and sooth him with a touch and a sound.

As for weaning, bring cows milk in a bottle as a substitute and eventually move the bottled milk to water and then move the milk into a baby cup! As for night feeds, they will know when they are ready to sleep through. My daughter was three 1/2 when she stopped having the bottle during the night, although by 2 1/2 I changed the milk to water for the night feeds and they became more infrequent, it was just due to thirst and not hunger.



Juliette is now 5 and drinks water all through the day and has not taken to cordial but has the odd soft drink with a meal out!

Sara-Beth - posted on 12/28/2009

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Try putting on his fav movie on in his bedroom this way it will destract him from not being in your bed.. A friend of mine started to do that bc her son was too use to sleeping with her at night as well.. And as soon as she started with the movie thing it seem to keep him quite while he slowly passes out at night.

Crystal - posted on 12/25/2009

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I know that it will be hard, but i recommend letting them cry it out. It will only last a couple of days. My daughter only took a day and then she was sleeping all night. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but in the long term it helped my baby to sleep all night and i got a good night sleep finally after a year. also, having them in the other room with both doors open will make the transistion easier for both of you. I hope this helps.

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

at 1 yrs old most definately he needs to be left to cry and should not be feeding at night. Give him a bottle of water for bed but no milk. Its such a bad habit that some parents accidentally get thier kids into because they want to do the right thing but dont realise they are doing the wrong thing. children should only go to bed with a bottle of water from 9 months old. It will be hard the first few nights maybe a week but be strong



It's not wrong to nurse a baby at night- it's not a big deal. And being "left to cry" is not a need either. Many parents get their babies to sleep on their own without them crying at all. Read any of the doctor Sears books- the kind methods truly work.

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

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Quoting Barbara:

Most people will disagree with me. But, yes, you need to put your baby into his own crib and let him cry it out. We went through this process all six times with our children. You hold your husband tight as you hear your little one cry his little heart out. Check on him about every 10 - 15 mins. Do not turn on the light. Do not pick him up. Just check to make sure nothing else is wrong and then close the door. The first night is the roughest, but then you'll notice that the crying spells become less intense and don't last as long. IT takes maybe 3 - 5 days before he's sleeping on his own. As for weaning, I'm unable to help in that department, as I always went dry around the time each of my children were 6 - 10 months old. You may want to try pumping some of your milk and putting it in a bottle for a few select feedings. Try to get nipples that are similar to the shape of yours. I hope this helps.



No one "needs" to let their baby cry it out. Thier are kinder ways to get a baby to sleep on their own. I didn't let my babies "cry it out" and moving them into their own beds went very smoothly.

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

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Quoting Shelly:

I've always recommended weaning at 11 months to one year. Don't worry about the crying - normally babies don't hurt themselves and they learn that you won't coming running everytime they cry. It is their only way to communicate still for awhile. You have to take control and teach him that there are limits and he doesn't always get what he wants, when he wants, etc. And certainly don't breastfeed him everytime he cries. You will never get him off your breast and you need to do that. You should tell him when/where and how. He will get the message and he needs to learn patience for his older years or you will have a terror by the time he is 2 and you will get to know what the "terrible twos" really means. Good luck - its hard on your emotions and immediate feelings, but better for both of you in the long run!



Are you recommending completely weaning at 11 months to 1 year? The World Health Organization recommends nursing until age two. Mommies should night wean around a year (if they haven't done so already), however- to get some sleep.

Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009

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Try reading the book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution"- it worked for me. Our little ones smoothly moved into a crib. The book is not a cure, but gives a lot of suggestions... One of our babies stopped night nursing easily, the other took more time.... but this book does give some great help.

Shelly - posted on 12/24/2009

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I've always recommended weaning at 11 months to one year. Don't worry about the crying - normally babies don't hurt themselves and they learn that you won't coming running everytime they cry. It is their only way to communicate still for awhile. You have to take control and teach him that there are limits and he doesn't always get what he wants, when he wants, etc. And certainly don't breastfeed him everytime he cries. You will never get him off your breast and you need to do that. You should tell him when/where and how. He will get the message and he needs to learn patience for his older years or you will have a terror by the time he is 2 and you will get to know what the "terrible twos" really means. Good luck - its hard on your emotions and immediate feelings, but better for both of you in the long run!

Ann - posted on 12/23/2009

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ok, nursed 3. They slept in our bed sometimes too. All 3 are happy and well adjusted teen girls now with no emotional scars or learning problems or mental disorders. I DID let them cry at this age, at bedtime.. Truly the first 2 only cried for one night and a few hours only. I did check about every 1/2 hr., and talked to them and made sure they had WATER, not formula or juice or milk in the bottle. I placed my hand on their backs or tummy or rubbed their little feet, but did not pick them up.
The last one was stronger willed, and I did the same for her and it took 3 nights. Each night she cried a little less.BY night 4, no fuss.
Having said all that, crying DOES NOT cause illness, seperation problems, detachment disorders....NONE of that. Ask a pedatrician, esp if you have concerns.
Babies sometimes cry to soothe themselves. M BF baby screamed if you tried to pick her up at bedtime, and only cried if left alone. She did that at every stage of rest, everyday. It was Bizzarre! She is also a healthy well adjusted teen girl.
At age 1, they really won't remember it anyway. Make sure diaper isn't soiled, room is the right temp. Room is dark. No toys.
Good luck...It DOES get better.....
Don't listed to the Dr's who think it's all easy and shouldn't let them cry. Did you know Dr. Spocks son committed suicide?

Barbara - posted on 12/23/2009

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Most people will disagree with me. But, yes, you need to put your baby into his own crib and let him cry it out. We went through this process all six times with our children. You hold your husband tight as you hear your little one cry his little heart out. Check on him about every 10 - 15 mins. Do not turn on the light. Do not pick him up. Just check to make sure nothing else is wrong and then close the door. The first night is the roughest, but then you'll notice that the crying spells become less intense and don't last as long. IT takes maybe 3 - 5 days before he's sleeping on his own. As for weaning, I'm unable to help in that department, as I always went dry around the time each of my children were 6 - 10 months old. You may want to try pumping some of your milk and putting it in a bottle for a few select feedings. Try to get nipples that are similar to the shape of yours. I hope this helps.

Christy - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Krista:



Quoting Belinda:

CIO is an option with consequences. Reasearch and make sure you are prepared to sacrifice your child's emotional development and personality develoment before you do it. Read 'Parenting for a Peaceful World' by Robin Grille (or other books by Grille) to ensure you are making an educated choice. Ask yourself these questions 'Where do you see yourself and your baby in 2 - 3 years time? Do I want to do something now I will regret later? Co-sleeping doesn't last forever. Please cosider gentle, humane ways to teach your baby to sleep.





I really have to LOL@ EVERYTHING you just wrote.  I used the CIO method with my son and he's perfectly well balanced as a two year old.  He goes to sleep by himself, he's able to put himself BACK to sleep if he wakes up at night and his development is right on track.  Just because you don't agree with a particular method does not make it wrong. 






And crying it out is NOT inhumane.  I talked to my DOCTOR before I used this method and he said it was perfectly fine as long as my son didn't cry for more than half an hour.






I really think that YOU need to do your research.  Not everything you read on the internet is true.






while it's wonderful that YOU only let your child cry for 1/2 an hour or less, i think the reason that a lot of moms get upset is because there are some out there that will just let their children go on and on for hours. that is the kind of CIO that will leave lasting issues in a child. before you start being disrespectful maybe YOU should do YOUR research.



 



back to the question at hand... i think your best bet is to try to wean him off of his day time feedings before you try to take away the night time ones. he wasn't conditioned to wake up in the night just overnight and (though i don't think that you have these kinds of expectations of him) he most likely won't stop waking in the night just overnight. he doesn't physically need these night time feedings anymore but it might take him a bit to get used to the idea that he's not getting them anymore.



also, with getting him into his own crib, i think you should do what's right for you and your family. i would suggest trying to make a nice bedtime routine based around him sleeping in his new crib. the ideal way for him to fall asleep, especially after co-sleeping with you for the first year of his life, would be with you in his room with him. make it clear to him how long you will stay (till the end of a story or 'x' number of lullabies) and be consistent when you leave. this is where you may have to let him cry but you should check on him every 10 mins and soothe him (like rubbing his back gently or shushing him) but try not to pick him up or talk to him. this method of sleep training may take longer than the CIOmethod but will be much more rewarding in the end. good luck!



 

Mel - posted on 12/22/2009

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at 1 yrs old most definately he needs to be left to cry and should not be feeding at night. Give him a bottle of water for bed but no milk. Its such a bad habit that some parents accidentally get thier kids into because they want to do the right thing but dont realise they are doing the wrong thing. children should only go to bed with a bottle of water from 9 months old. It will be hard the first few nights maybe a week but be strong

Chelsea - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Danielle:

I totally disagree with the cry it out method. I have read Dr. Sears' book regarding this and I agree with what he says. He says if you have a determined and willful child this method will not work. Also, I feel that letting your child cry it out is sending the message that says I am going to ignore you if you keep calling for me. It is not in our nature to ignore a crying baby. Have you ever heard a baby cry and your milk came rushing in? What if you were upset and crying and your husband said "You go lie down in your room and come back out when you are done." I would want my husband to comfort me and hold me and find out what is wrong. Your baby is crying for a reason and it's Mom's job to find out what it is. Yes there are some times where the baby will test the boundaries, but if they know you will go to them when they need you and sit with them they will be much happier babies. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old and sometimes I have to go in there a few times and rock him and nurse him and soothe him. I am here to give him the comfort that he needs. Believe me, kids grow fast and this is going to be a short period of cuddling and snuggling. So go to your son and snuggle him and let him know that Mom is #1 to count on when he's no happy alone in his room and make him feel secure, protected, and loved and if you're tired and frustrated just remember why we are raising these little guys in the first place! Good luck to you!!!


Agreed. There is a difference between leaving a child to "Cry-it-out" alone in their room and letting them cry in the arms of a sympathetic parent. Even a hand on their back or tummy while they're laying there in their bed says to them, "I acknowlege that you are unhappy, but it will be Okay." My daughter is VERY willful. I once tried to let her cry it out for bed while I attempted to clean.....never again. She cried for 2 hours nonstop until I picked her up. The next day she woke up with a cough, runny nose, and probably a sore throat. I suspect it was due to stress.

DeeDee - posted on 12/21/2009

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Quoting Krista:



Quoting Tammy:

A baby only Crys for a reason!!!! Never just over look that...Hungry or thirsty, ya they do get thirsty for water...tummy bubbles...or just over tired and restless..A nice long bath and playtime befor bed helps to sooth them and wears them out....So a nice full tummy and bathtime should help some....unless its medical...ears are a big factor in Bottle fed babys..and theething...Make sure all health issues are addressed first....:]





.....a baby will cry for no reason at all sometimes.  Where are some of you women getting your information?  Sometimes a child doesn't know WHAT they want and thus, they cry.........for no reason. 






 






It's extremely acceptable to allow a child to cry.  No child has ever died from crying.





Okay Krista, you are starting to go overboard. Babies do have a reason to cry. just because they are new at life doesn't mean that they can't feel what you feel. you don't really learn how to feel abandoned, you just feel abandoned. the thing is that a lot of times babies cry because they just want mom. then mom picks them up and they are fine. but sometimes when you can't get them to stop for whatever reason, it is probably because of something that you can't fix or arent' aware of.



please don't say that babies don't know how to feel things.

Sophia - posted on 12/14/2009

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I agree with Alina's technique. The other thing is that you don't want to try to wean him completely and move him out of your bed all at the same time. Transitions are hard to begin with. Try moving him out first and he will naturally wean if he gets a good feed before bed. When my boys were closer to me, we just automatically fed all night. As soon as I moved them out it they didn't feed as often and then the weaning became easier.

Omeka - posted on 12/14/2009

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I would say try one thing a time. I would wean him first and then start putting him in own crib. Also you my want to try more naps in his crib. Take from I just put my 5yr old out of my bed it hurt me to see her cry but now she is use to it.

Adri - posted on 12/14/2009

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Trust me, if you want your child to develop good sleeping habits that will stay with them for the rest of his life, then you might just have to let him cry it out or else he will not learn how to soothe himself to sleep. I did CIO with my daughter and amazingly it only took two days to work. She is now an excellent sleeper. What I did was I would go to her room in increments of five minutes. Everytime I would increase the time by five minutes (5, 10, 15, 20, etc.) When I went to her room I didn't turn the lights, didn't pick her up, felt her diaper to make sure it wasn't dirty. Changed her quickly if I had to. Patted her in her tummy. Told her it's bedtime and left the room. I did this everytime I had to go to her room. As I mentioned it only took two nights for this to work. My youngest baby I didn't have to do this for because he started sleeping through the night all by himself at 3 months old.

Danielle - posted on 12/14/2009

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I totally disagree with the cry it out method. I have read Dr. Sears' book regarding this and I agree with what he says. He says if you have a determined and willful child this method will not work. Also, I feel that letting your child cry it out is sending the message that says I am going to ignore you if you keep calling for me. It is not in our nature to ignore a crying baby. Have you ever heard a baby cry and your milk came rushing in? What if you were upset and crying and your husband said "You go lie down in your room and come back out when you are done." I would want my husband to comfort me and hold me and find out what is wrong. Your baby is crying for a reason and it's Mom's job to find out what it is. Yes there are some times where the baby will test the boundaries, but if they know you will go to them when they need you and sit with them they will be much happier babies. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old and sometimes I have to go in there a few times and rock him and nurse him and soothe him. I am here to give him the comfort that he needs. Believe me, kids grow fast and this is going to be a short period of cuddling and snuggling. So go to your son and snuggle him and let him know that Mom is #1 to count on when he's no happy alone in his room and make him feel secure, protected, and loved and if you're tired and frustrated just remember why we are raising these little guys in the first place! Good luck to you!!!

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