Should I Let them go?

Sapphire - posted on 03/07/2010

I'm sorry you're kids are going through this. My initial thought is this: If the home environment is unstable, how on earth is your ex providing a loving, comfortable, and peaceful environment?



So, you might want to rectify this by a change in custody order, if there is one. You might also want to encourage day trips so the kids see their dad, but then return to your home in the evening. You are the adult, and have to make the best decision for your kids. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with their dad, but you need to be able to talk to him as parents. Good luck!

Stacey - posted on 03/07/2010

Before you make a choice about what to do you need to know exactly what is happening to or around your children while they are with their father. If they won't open up and talk to you see if they will talk to another relative like a gran or pop, or possibly even a child psychiatrist. I know this may sound extreme but if your children are so upset they vomit at the thought of going somewhere you need to know exactly what is happening. I've witnessed a similar situation where a child visited his father and several very bad things went on, but the boy was threatened by the father and didn't want to betray him and so didn't tell anyone, the mother found out from a mutual friend who was there at the time. If the girlfriend is a problem first discuss it with the father and see if he will agree to only see the children when she is not around. If not you may be best to see a family lawyer to make it a provision of his visitation rights. It may sound to others that you're just being bitchy towards his new gf, but you have to do what's right for your children. If it's causing them distress it definitely needs to be dealt with.

Amber - posted on 03/06/2010

This is hard. I think you should talk to the ex and lay it all out on the table and say that the kids need to come first and you need to figure out how to keep them in a safe environment. Obviously he can't keep it from you if you're having to go get the kids. Ask him what he thinks would be best and go from there so then he won't feel like you're trying to take the kids away. Also tell him that it hurts that he has become less involved and that the kids need their dad.

Kristin - posted on 03/06/2010

I agree, talk to your ex about what he would like to see happen and what you need to have happen for the health and sanity of your boys. Perhaps overnights only when she isn't there? And lots of daytime actvities and then they come home, phone calls. You both need to eliminate the abusive crap this woman is dishing out around those kids. You ex needs to know that this isn't a permanent thing, whatever you two work out.



Another option would be to get the courts involved. No unsupervised vistis, etc.



I don't know this is tough. Good luck and lots of hugs to those kids.

Krista - posted on 03/06/2010

Perhaps you could say to your husband that because of the difficulties with his girlfriend, that you think it would be best to have no more overnight visits, but that they can do day visits as long as they're public outings. He can take them to a movie, or a sporting event, or something in public. That way they'll still have time with their dad, but they won't have to be subjected to that drama.