Should I move out of state w my husband since we

Charlene - posted on 03/31/2010

My prays are with you. May you be guided to where you need to be.

Maggie - posted on 03/30/2010

I know it is so difficult to make a decision when you thought the person you love was someone he is not and you made a big decision together and had a child(ren) but that doesn't mean you can't start fresh. Part of you will love him no matter what he does but that isn't going to help you out of this mess. You only have one life and it sounds like you have dreams, so take your baby and find a nice quiet place to raise her/him and start over. Take the things in life you always wanted and make them happen, just remember the priority list, the baby always comes first, I go by the rule of thumb that my mother raised me and I turned out great so I'll raise my daughter with the same regard I was blessed with as a child. I understand your music dreams and thats great but right now you need to start a new life for your child and then slowly move back into yourself. You get the opportunity to have a second chance and it sounds like the balls in your court so get a new place a new job and weed out all that was him for now. Date and go out to lunch with your girlfriends and family dinners and you will be surprised that you can do it. Best Luck!

THERESA - posted on 03/29/2010

Just my two cents but it sounds like you need to work on your marriage first. Work at making it a mature relationship. Some of the things you described, decisions made thus far - well it just doesn't sound to me like they are sensible, wise decisions at this point in time (maybe later when your marriage is on stronger ground). Get counseling. Attend a Retrouvaille retreat, lean on family for support - but you both need to really work at growing up and taking responsibly for your marriage success (or rough spots). Marriage isn't for wimps - it takes guts to make a marriage work - especially if you have children involved. If you truly love him and if he truly loves you, you owe it to yourselves to work on this marriage until you've got a strong one without the obstacles confronting you right now.

Linda - posted on 03/29/2010

I would take your baby and leave him.. But don't leave your family or friends as they can be a great comfort to you ..

I was married to a man much like this one and he hated to work and just played around... It will not get better as he doesnt want it to and marriage counseling will not help and may in the long run make him very angry..

Just my opinion.. Lin

Betty - posted on 03/29/2010

This is true and different in every state, but since it is an inheritance it may be safe.
I know here it is.

Alice - posted on 03/29/2010

I agree with Betty once a cheater always a cheater. But you have to get a lawyer for your money part. Depending on your laws where you are you might have to split the money and everything you own.

Betty - posted on 03/29/2010

I say do not move away from your support be it family or friend. If he cheated once he will do it again, I say leave him before he goes through all your money because he does not plan to work.
I am not a young lady I am 78 and have seen a lit of this.

Alice - posted on 03/28/2010

First, see what the counselor has to say. Second NO MAN should do anything to harm you and your family. As for the money for the house and stuff you got, you might have to split it up between you depending on the law where you live. If you are not happy with the idea of moving where he wants to go file for divorce and if need be find a shelter for you and your children if you have any.

GLENDA - posted on 03/28/2010

A leopard doesn't change his spots. Stay seek legal advice regarding what you are entitled to and who you can go to help. I would not still be with him if he were mine, cheating and physical abuse, he is giving you signs that he is not wanting this marriage to continue be careful or he will scoot with anything you may be entitled to.

Sharon - posted on 03/28/2010

why Nevada? Is that where his FB text friend is? Everything is expensive there....will he work there any more than he did where you are now? In Nevada when you get a divorce everything is split evenly....half and half ...right down to the underwear. How much is yours? You say "all of it"? I dumped an assaulting husband...stayed on my own...and found a wonderful man to spend the rest of my days with. Learn from your mistakes, split the difference and let him go his merry way!

Kathie - posted on 03/28/2010

your husband is not living up to his Christian obligation as a husband and father. God does not want you to stay in an abusive marriage. There are allowances in the Bible for divorce, and being unfaithful is one of them. Leave his abusive butt. Fast. Take the money from the sell of the house and set you and your children up in a nice rental close to family and friends, and live off of the rest until you get a job and get the kids in school or daycare. If you are already working, put some money in your checking account but most into savings accounts under the kids' names. I'm not sure if that is legal but unfortunately you may have to end up giving half the money to him (depending on what state you live in) and if the money is in the kids' names, he may not be able to touch it. That is something to look into anyway. Take care of yourself and those babies.

Kirsty - posted on 03/28/2010

if are not happy just think what you children are goin thoug as for cheat i would cut its bits of and then leave him i would not give him any time to do it again

Jodi - posted on 03/28/2010

And your still with him why? I just went through this same thing - almost to an exact tee! Scary. I was with my husband for 11 years and the last 5 years he had been cheating on me, and had not worked for over 4 years. He was using me for my money, while I worked my butt off all day, he was at home sleeping - didn't get up till around 3 or 4 pm, didn't have the house cleaned and never made dinner. I finally just got a divorce in December 2009. We had been separated on and off so many times over the last 5 years. The only thing that kept me there was because we have a 5 year old daughter and I was trying to make peace so she would have a stable environment. But it ended up being worse for her because she saw us fighting too much; that's when I decided to finally leave. People told me to leave so many times, but you are not going to leave your husband until "YOU" are ready because it just won't work - you will keep going back to him like I did. Turns out that it was the best decision I ever made because now I am getting full custody of my daughter (we had shared parenting before) because my ex was stupid and was arrested for having sex with a 16 year old minor! So I automatically was awarded custody and have a restraining order against him now. I wish you the best of luck and really hope you consider the pros and cons of your situation because when they cheat, they seem to "always" cheat again. And you deserve better!

Lydia - posted on 03/28/2010

ummm...doesnt sound like its a situation I would have enough faith in to move away from my support network!



Just read some of the other replies: Jesus Christ preached one core thing - love. Is this a loving relationship? If not then it may just have been something to challenge you and you can move into a situation that IS loving...just a thought

Laurine - posted on 03/28/2010

Good for you Cecilia, Whats your commitment to your daughters life ?

Tracey - posted on 03/28/2010

Lord Jesus, this is a hard situation for everyone involved. But for you nothing is impossible. I pray for Celia, that you would be her strength, her wisdom, and her shield; be her glory and the lifter of her head. I know that You are leading and guiding her each step of the way and that you will never leave her. Thank you for your faithfulness and the total reconciliation that you brought about by your death. Lord, only you can rewrite these lives. only you can redeem this situation; and that is what I pray. Do a wonderful thing Lord. Do a beautiful thing. Do a glorious thing and don't allow another family to be torn apart. Have mercy and surround these people with co-laborers for Christ. Send forth your angels to guard and protect. Thank you, Pappa. I know that you always hear and always answer.

Carolann - posted on 03/27/2010

If things are not right where you are, I fear they will be worse in a new place where you don't have the support of family close by. Stay near to family and if and when it sorts out, then look at a move. Also, you need to sort this cheating/facebook/txt thing out too, as often it seems more innocent on the surface than it really is, so you want to have this really put to bed before moving away with him. Good luck.

Cecilia - posted on 03/27/2010

Good for you Cecilia, You know where to draw the line. Your safety and you childs safety is paramount. Whats preventing you from making the decision whether or not to leave your husband ?

Laurine



Honestly it is my commitment to the marriage that I made with God, I've seen people go through similar things and they have made it and are still married today, I have faith that God will make things better.

Aimee - posted on 03/27/2010

Ditch the husband and start your new life...ew chapter. You are hanging on to something that you wish was there. Sorry to be blunt but you also need to think about your kids if you have any. It is really bad for children to be around. If your stay at home and you are afraid to leave, there a ton of help out there for you. Don't ever be afraid of doing the right thing. Your husband needs help, yes in a way that is your duty to stay by him and support him, but if it getting as bad as you say you need to think about yourself and your children. I'm going through something similiar..not as bad...but bad enough. It isn't smart to go with him. Stay with your support sysytem and always!!!!!! listen to your gut feeling.

Laurine - posted on 03/27/2010

Good for you Cecilia, You know where to draw the line. Your safety and you childs safety is paramount. Whats preventing you from making the decision whether or not to leave your husband ?
Laurine

Cecilia - posted on 03/27/2010

Wow! Do you know Jesus? If not I'd have to say without Him there is no hope for a better future...but with Him all things are possible. He loves you both so much and wants you both to succeed and have a great marriage and life with Him. But moving or staying will not make the difference; only by His grace.



Yes maam I do know the Lord and I am praying everyday for strength and courage to get through this I know God will bless me for staying strong but I won't let myself get put in danger, I will not hesitate to call for help if needed.

Cecilia - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi Cecilia, You would stay in the area you live or stay with your husband ? There is a big difference.



Right now he doesn't have a place to go, I will allow him to live with me as long as he continues to go to counseling and finds a job.

Emily - posted on 03/27/2010

Don't move. He's not going to magically change because you move with him. Protect yourself!

Tracey - posted on 03/27/2010

Wow! Do you know Jesus? If not I'd have to say without Him there is no hope for a better future...but with Him all things are possible. He loves you both so much and wants you both to succeed and have a great marriage and life with Him. But moving or staying will not make the difference; only by His grace.

Wendy - posted on 03/27/2010

Everything that everyone has said here is all very true! The bottom line is though, it is your decision is yours to make and live with. I agree totally with the thought process that staying close to your support system (family,friends,etc.) Whether the situation gets better or not, BOTH of you need to make an effort. It sounds as if he might not want to but for it to work he needs to work on it also. Good luck to you! Blessings and hugs to you for whatever you decide.

Laurine - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi Cecilia, You would stay in the area you live or stay with your husband ? There is a big difference.
L

Blackwood - posted on 03/27/2010

I think you know in your heart the answer to this question. Don't make your decision on the "HOPES" that things will get better, you are the only one that can make things better and that maybe with your husband. I would personally, as hard as it may seem now, try to move on. One day you will look back and see you made the right decision, it won't be easy, but you can do it. IF he wants too work things out and you see counsiling is helping, then great, talk about your options then. But I wouldn't be moving too far away from friends and family, you may have to lean on them for support in the very near future. Best wishes.

Whitney - posted on 03/27/2010

No,. I wouldn't move. I think you already know what needs to be done but you just want someone to either confirm you are making the right decision or convince you are making the wrong decision. DONT DO THE MOVE...

Heather - posted on 03/26/2010

l would not move. My father did that to my mother for years kept her from her family and abused her mentally and physically. She finally got wise and left him three kids and 28 years later. I would not move you deserve better. Him hitting you and taking your phone is just the start. I have seen it first hand it will only get worse and having you away from you family will make it easier for him to do it to you.

Chelsea - posted on 03/26/2010

Honestly, my only advice would be to stay close to your friends and, most importantly, your family. If your marriage doesn't work then your are going to need all the love and support you can get. Has he ever hit or pushed you before? I understand that you are starting counseling and you are doing the right thing by that, but if things don't get any better I would definitely leave. Things like that usually escalape and get really ugly. If he hit you he could possibly harm one of your children out of anger. Just keep your guard up and stay close to your family.

Kristin - posted on 03/26/2010

Stay where you family is... if you can count on him... you need people that are going to help you through tough times...

Lynn - posted on 03/26/2010

hi there, i'm 19 and i have 2 kids.
i was recently in a verryy abusive relationship that started like that.
he ended up beating me infront of my 6 month old son.
and it got wayyyyyyyy bad for many many times before i got out & got myself help.
he always asked me to move away, and now i think to myself, what would of happened if i did move away with him?
i found out he cheated on me the same way you said your hubby did..
he even tool off out of the city to see this girl and didn't come back for weeks..
i would honestly say even though i'm young.. see what happens with your marriage before you decide to move away from all your support.
best of luck to you. ♥

Fay - posted on 03/26/2010

Hugs to you Cecilla .. There are huge issues here ..thankyou for being so brave to share them. My advice would be to beware of others telling you what is right and wrong .. hang in there for your counsellor .. they are the best to steer you both in the right direction .. be guided by their words .. But, truly .. dont take on anything more than you can handle right now ... Bye .. Fay

Nicole - posted on 03/26/2010

im here to tell you to end it with him and move closer to friends and family who can support you. my ex boyfriend used to grab and push me and take my phone away. well i had enough, and trust me it never gets better.

Angela - posted on 03/26/2010

Stay with your family. If he actually goes to Nevada which I doubt he will without your finances he will return. Whether you want him now or when he returns is up to you. I would find more positive people to surround yourself with. You don't need to support him & he needs to learn to grow up. If you let him go now he can find his way. If you hold on to him and "mommy" him he won't find his own way. I'm speaking from experience not trying to be condescending. Sending my love, courage & strength your way to be who YOU want to be!

Kate CP - posted on 03/26/2010

Wait, he took your phone so you couldn't call the cops (which you lucked out in doing, btw), pushed you, doesn't work, he cheats...and you think it's going to get better? What does being Christian have to do with anything, anyway? This is not a good environment to raise children in and it's not a healthy relationship. You're going to do what you want to do, but from my vantage point it looks like moving with him is a bad idea.

Tah - posted on 03/26/2010

I think you already knew what to do...if you need to hear it, then here it is, you need to make him prove that he can work, not cheat and not put his hands on you. that he can carry a household and be a good husband, go to counseling seperately and together and stay put until he does these things..

Cecilia - posted on 03/26/2010

If I had to make a choice, I would stay, because I don't feel its past the point of no return i've seen worse happen with my parents and they made it but eventually got divorced..... they also were not christians at the time.

Prisca - posted on 03/26/2010

Don't go!!! Let him go and move in with your family if you can. From experience I can honestly say, you are worth so much more. Let go of the husband, let go of the house, get what you need to take care of yourself and your child(ren). Urge him to go on his own. You will have a beautiful life without him.

Kathy - posted on 03/26/2010

After weighing all the issues you are having I would NOT move away from my family I am a Navy wife and moving is #3 on the stress level so that would only add to the problems existing right now. I would how ever put him on the other side of the door and give him a deadline to make it or break it. I supported my first hubby for 5 yrs and when given a choice job or not being w/me he sure found a job quickly. Also cheating is not acceptable at all with all the STD's going around. I dont care if it is on facebook or in person cheating is simply that CHEATING! As for the abuse take it from someone with experience it might be minor now but it WILL escalate and become worse as time goes by. I'd take the money buy another home and be sooooo done with him. He is a liar,cheater,abuser,sponging off you for all he can get. Your dad did NOT leave you the inheirtance for this to be happening in your life. Tell him to go and get a life cuz you are soooo DONE girl!

Tracy - posted on 03/26/2010

He's a cheat, jobless, a liar, and an abuser. Use some of that money to set you and the kids up and hire a divorce attorney. Period.

Jennifer - posted on 03/26/2010

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around him pushing you. My husband would never do anything like that and we have a great marriage. So if things are already bad (you mentioned counseling) and he's already been physically aggressive, I'd stay close to those you love. I'd even think about seperating for a trial period, it doesn't sound like he really values your marriage if you've caught him cheating.

Laurine - posted on 03/26/2010

Okay, If your life depended on taking action what would that be ?

Cecilia - posted on 03/26/2010

If I didn't have to move I wouldn't, because things are not any better.

Laurine - posted on 03/26/2010

Hi Cecilia,
If time and money were not an issue what woud you life to be like right now?
Laurine

Tracy - posted on 03/26/2010

Do not move with him then. Grabbing your phone and pushing you is ONLY the beginning. Once you're away from your support he's liable to start beating the sh*t out of you for real. If you want to move out there, fine. But figure out a way WITHOUT him. Honestly this sounds like a toxic relationship that's only going to get worse.

Melissa - posted on 03/26/2010

That's a tough decision. You have to weigh the two options 1) If you move you might not have the money to move back if thing don'g go so great 2) If you stay you marriage might go further down the crapper but at least you'll be close to people to help you.



In my opinion, getting away from family could be the best thing for you and him. Or it could be the worst. Has he ever hit you or seriously mentally abused you? If yes, then I would stay close to home cuz you never know what kind of situation you could find yourself in. But if he hasn't then I'd give it a go and see what Las Vegas has to offer. Who knows it could be what you both need. I wish you luck in your decision I hope everything works out!

Cecilia - posted on 03/26/2010

He was arrested for grabbing my phone and pushing me, but I hit him in the balls to get my phone back then I called the cops, Nevada is just somewhere different that we both wanted to live at, plus it's close to l.a. which is good for me cause I do music. We already have our house sold and can't get out of it, and I don't know why he hasn't worked so far .........

Erin - posted on 03/26/2010

I'd stay in your state near your family in a place where you likely have more resources then Nevada...what is in Nevada???? If you are having reservations then I wouldn't go!!!

Tracy - posted on 03/26/2010

What was he arrested for? What's in Nevada for you? And why hasn't he had a job?



Personally, I'd stay closer to family and friends. That way if things with the marriage end, you'll have them to lean on. I'm stuck in a town I hate, 350 miles from my family, trust me, it sucks.