Should I put my daughter up for adoption?

Linda - posted on 10/26/2010

there is always assistance...pray and ask the Lord to guide you. The hardest decisions I've made in my LIFE are when I get stuck in my mind and don't let myself FEEL with my heart...our hearts will always lead us "home" or to the decisions that we know, deep within ourselves, are right for us... good luck, sweetheart.

Rachael - posted on 10/26/2010

Wow! I don't normally post comments but your plea hit me. It's a very tough decision to make. When I was 21, I was single and had a baby boy that I placed for adoption. The sperm donor took a quick hike so he was never in the picture. I had all the support that I think one could have for a life of a single parent but I had made the decision while the baby was in womb that he belonged to another family. Now I am married with four children. I can't say that I don't think of my baby boy and wonder what kind of life we would have had together. I miss him even though I didn't spend more than 5 days with him. I don't regret the decision that I had made because it was the right one at that time. I just wonder and continue to hope all the best life has to offer.



With all that I have read, I honestly feel you should keep your baby and make that your solid and final decision. Once you make this decision then you can begin to focus your energy in making that happen. There have been many suggestions (and resources) which you should check out but you need to make up your mind. It's amazing what women do for their child. You're already on that path.



Definitely look at some of the religious charities for help. Some offer help without being a member of their congregation. I'm not trying to push any religion but as an option, if needed.



Also, check your local library to see if they have internet access. It can help in feeling connected to the support you get from Circle of Moms. We can help on the emtional support you need. Good luck sweetie!

Priya - posted on 10/26/2010

I agree with Charlene - I live all the way over in India so know nothing about the support systems in Canada but I know we have the most powerful support system of all - a God who loves us and if you trust (although I know it is easier said than done especially in a situation like yours but it is possible to have tremendous faith in difficult times so just hold on with all you've got) in Him, ALL WILL BE WELL! I will personally pray for you every day from today and I will believe that you and your baby will be together forever and that you will find your way and goodness and love will follow you from now on. Lots of love and hugs from across the globe...

Becki - posted on 10/26/2010

One last comment from me --- and this is in no way a reflection on the author. Some people have said "don't give up your daughter because staying with a birthmother is ALWAYS the best thing for a child." Really?!! Do you honestly believe that?! What about neglect/abuse situations? Is it really better for a child to live being cold and hungry or with a mother that can't take care of her than with someone who can? Those types of comments just blow my mind away. Let this poor girl get so actual real un-biased thoughts instead of feeling like she is being attacked for making the hardest decision of her life or feeling like she is wrong either way. A child is NOT always better off with the birthmother. And it isn't always be about what the birthmother wants. As mothers we should ALWAYS put our children first and what is best for them. That should be the ultimate factor in your decision. If your child is better off with you, that's wonderful. If not, and you decide to provide her with an adoptive home, that's wonderful also. Children of adoption do not always have feelings of abandonment and it's even less likely to happen now with open adoptions and the opportunity to grow up knowing their birthmom and reasons behind the adoption. It isn't the same as years ago with closed adoptions and sealed records.
What is the best thing for your baby? With support, financial assistance, government help can you maintain a lifestyle for you and your baby? Can you make sure she's fed, clothed, safe and warm? It's obvious you love her so that's not the issue. It's all the other "stuff." If you can provide her the best home, by all means, count your blessings, kiss your baby and hold her tight. If after all the options are exhausted and you realize you can't do it, than you have a decision to make. It all boils down to what's best for that precious girl. Because once you have a child, it isn't about you anymore and what you want. Life revolves around them.
Good luck sweetie. I'm praying for you and hoping that you CAN find the resources you need to keep the little girl that you so obviously adore.

Kelina - posted on 10/26/2010

lol you're right Nellie COM is a wonderful resource. I think you're making the right decision on waiting on this decision for a few months. I've tried to skim through and find all your responses lol but there's no way i've read through all of them. Heck yesterday when i checked there were only half as m,any pages! No matter what decision you make you'll struggle with it, but no matter what decision you make we're all here for you. you've embarked on one of the craziest rollercoaster rides this crazy thing called life ever throws at us-motherhood. And no matter how many times a day we want to runaway from it, it always find us, lol. I know. There are many days when i just want to run away and tear my hair out. But then my son does something so incredibly cute it completely makes up for everything i'm feeling. Maybe when this all feels so overwhelming in the next couple of months, sit down and write everything positive in your life. Or make a list and keep it on the fridge as a daily reminder to help you get through the rough patches. Also if you're musically inclined, try listening to the radio tuned to your favorite station. I know that's one of the things that helped me stay positive when my son was young. good luck, you can do this!

Cassandra - posted on 10/26/2010

You can get through this tough time. Your body is still changing and you may be having hormonal urges and want this to be easier. Stick it out. You will be grateful you did.

Kit - posted on 10/26/2010

Giving a child up for adoption is often the least selfish option. Continue to research all your options and if you choose to relinquish custody go to a private adoption agency who will allow you to be part of the open adoption process. Do not give up your computer and internet, the resources provided by the internet are priceless in which ever choice you make. Adoption is often the most precious gift a mother can give her child and also the most precious gift one mother can give to another. God Bless you and you decision.

Shanni - posted on 10/26/2010

baby girl i feel your pain but dont do it cause in the end you will regred it and you will be forver guilty if you do that to her now, have you ever herd about prayers it works the lord never gives you more than you can handle and if he didnt think you could manage your daughter he would not have given her to you so stop crying and start helping yourself spritually and physically and stop feeling sorry for your self and say to yourself i will do my best so keep a song in your heart have a bless day

Shannon - posted on 10/26/2010

Pirvet adoption is what you would want or temerary gaurdianship there are papers for those kids of things but only as a last option if you want to keep your daughter

Gail - posted on 10/26/2010

I feel for you so deeply. Have you sought direction maybe through your church or other. Sometimes they have resources to assist young women with small children. I was 21 going through a divorce with a 2 year old and a 4 year old... I always remembered this... they can't get any younger, they have to grow up one day and things will be brighter... It's true, it is...

Gisele + 5 Grand-daughters - posted on 10/26/2010

How about simply asking your "friend" to care for her for you but with the understanding that when things are better for you, and they will be, you would like to get her back. This can all be done legally. There are certain days that are fee free to ask lawyers questions. CAll the court house and ask information. Same with the health unit, the child care services, child welfare and so on. Also if you have a DR. it would a good thing to talk to him or her. If not, a nurse practitioner again back to the health unit in your area.

Laura Zoey - posted on 10/26/2010

Aline, she is an adult, older then her brother. living in her own apt.

Jennifer - posted on 10/26/2010

No adoption isnt a bad thing, and doing what is best for YOUR child isn't always black and white, its gotta work out for the both of you!!!! your not being selfish your being a loving mom...and that is never selfish!

Aline - posted on 10/26/2010

First of all, how old are you? You said your brother is 18, are you younger or older?
If you are living on your own, there are places you could go for assistance (I know, you may not want that kind of help, but if it means keeping your baby, do it). I would not let your friend adopt her. It would be a very bad idea, especially if you 2 ever got into a fight. Try holding out till she is about a year old, then if you thing it is best for her, do it. BUT, do it in a different town, and do not let a friend adopt. That could be the way to loose a friend. Let her help you with the baby off and on. That could be the key to your happiness.

Charlotte - posted on 10/26/2010

Oh My, you've got a lot of people projecting their religious views on you now which is just more pressure.

I believe you love your daughter and you are proving your a great Mum by thinking about her first. Have you asked your friend what type of relationship they would let you maintain with your daughter if they raise her? You can ask for regular visits with Kayla so you can maintain a friendship bond with her (make sure you get this in writing).

On the other side, I can tell you it does get easier after the first year (walking and eating more foods) and after the second you can get them potty trained (no more pricey diapers). Do what is best for both of you, check with your city for organizations that are registered to help families in need (Our city has civic/public and religious groups that offer various help resources) I really think you are thinking about what's best for you and Kayla and despite what ANYONE tells you (myself included) go with your instincts.

Lori - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie,

It is perfectly normal to feel like you're not capable of doing what is best for Kayla, but from what I've seen of many of my friends who were adopted, one of the best things you can do for her is BE HER MOMMY. There is more to this world than being well-off financially. Instead of researching adoption, spend that time researching government programs to feed and house the two of you. She may grow up poor, but there are worse things. Trust me. A mommy who loves her is absolutely priceless and one of the greatest defenses against this cruel world we live in.

Best wishes to you - I can only imagine how your heart has been breaking!! Motherhood is NOT for the faint-hearted!! ♥

~ Lori

Dana - posted on 10/26/2010

If you are on unemployment you may qualify for the Governments 2nd chance training at your local college. When you are in school, your daughter will be in a daycare paid for by the your ei. You should ask a counsellor at your local employment insurance office. What about the dad? You can file papers yourself at your local courthouse to receive child support they usually have lawyers that donate their time to legal clinics and they will give you advice for free. Also you should go to your nearest Early Years Center to meet more moms and have further support. Life can change so fast, don't make a decision that may eat you up inside everyday. You can make a better life for your daughter, She is only 4 months old, and it will get easier. My kids are 13 & 10 now and I don't know what I would do without them. Hang in there.

Debbie - posted on 10/26/2010

There are many couples out there that can give your baby a good, loving home. Your love is proven to her by giving her the best and it doesn't sound like you are in a position to currently do that.

Erica - posted on 10/26/2010

Can you get state assistance until you can get on your feet? I was a single mother of 3 girls and got on state assistance food stamps and money from the state just until I got a job and better situated. There is also WIC and programs to help you check with DSHS. I'd hate to see you give up your daughter, I understand my kids are my world too. See what help ther is out there for you before you go to the extreme of giving up your baby girl.

Julie - posted on 10/26/2010

I have absolutly nothing against adoption. I have a friend who has been waiting for a few years now for a little chinese girl and she's going to be a great mother. Whether or not someone esle can love your child is not the question really, because there are plenty of people that can love your daughter as if she was there own, the question is, what's best for her. And the birthmother is always the best for a child. I also a friend who was adopted and she loves her adoptive parents, of course, but adopted children almost always want to find there birthmother's and feel some type of rejection caused by being adopted. And the women i know who have had a child adopted always end up regretting it in the long run. Don't stop looking for solutions, get informed, you can do it :)

Julie

Jeanne - posted on 10/26/2010

Hi Nellie,

I didn't mean to offend when I suggested going through a church for help....it was a way I know I got help thru when I was a single mom with my daughter. I was just about the suggest asking at Sally Ann but you've got clothes coupons which will surely help. I know you would regret giving her up...nobody would doubt that from your post...and I know you want what is best for your daughter....that goes without question. And the true sense of the word for mom is putting the child first (no matter what your feelings are) for the welfare of the child and it is clear that is what you are doing. Since you are a child that went thru adoption you know what it can be like but there are also success stories as well. I know in the end after a lot of soul searching you will do what is best for you and your child. And one last thing....it is clear that you deeply love this child...and don't let anyone tell you anything different. Good luck to you.

Theresa - posted on 10/26/2010

Keep your daughter! There is always a food pantry or church that would be willing to help you. You could even call a woman's shelter to see if they can help you. Try to get food stamps or WIC, the government has them for a reason! There is no reason you have to give up your daughter, she is better off staying with her mommy!!! It might seem weird to ask some places for help, but they are there to help you and really want to help.

JoAnn - posted on 10/26/2010

The first thing you need to do is cry out to God! Jesus is the answer to every situation you face. I know from my own experiences in life that when I was not trusting Jesus, my life was a mess! You can do this thing. As far as giving your child to your friend, don't. How are you going to cope when you see them together constantly. If your friend is truly a friend, she should be helping you and supporting you in any way she can. You need to find a solid church in your area and be there every time the doors are open. You have the strength to be a great mom. Don't give up!

Becki - posted on 10/26/2010

I'm kind of surprised at the number of people really putting a negative spin on adoption when it can be a wonderful experience. I see nothing wrong with getting help from the government until you can find your way, but to advise someone to live on welfare so they can keep their child is, imo just wrong. With limited funds, only limited help from outside sources (gov't, salvation army, etc.) children are still growing up in poverty. Yes, a child growing up like that can grow up wonderfully and have an amazing life and future. I'm not saying that isn't possible. But it's very frustrating to read so many posts tell this confused woman that she should NEVER part with her child but get food stamps instead like that is going to solve all her problems. Maybe placing her child for adoption isn't the best decision for her. But to blatantly tell someone that it's a wrong choice, she'll regret it forever, etc is not really something she needs to hear.
I was HEARTBROKEN when I placed my newborn in another womans arms. But I have never regretted my decision because I know I couldn't have given her the life she deserves. If she would have came even 2 years later I would have kept her (as I did with my own daughter), but at the time there was no way I could have been the best mother I could be. Those are things this young woman has to look at --- what is best for her daughter because it's not about her and what she wants.
So sweetheart -- you do what is best for your child. Both keeping her and placing her for adoption have pro's and cons. Whatever decision you make isn't going to make you a bad person. Focus on that little girl and what she needs and you'll figure out what you need to do.

Jennifer - posted on 10/26/2010

first I would pray about it. what is bad now may not be bad in a week, a month, a year...would you let your friend adopt her? how about asking for assistance from the government? there has to be options...

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie is there a YWCA in your are. I am in Ontario and the ones here offer a lot of support for single moms. Keep strong and know that you just want what is best for both you and your daughter.

Nazli - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie, apologies ... ofcourse you would regret your decision to give her up for adoption, I did not intend to upset you. I hope you get all the assistance and support you need, whatever your decision.

Nellie - posted on 10/26/2010

Barbara, what I have left out is that I too know the dangers of adoption. I was three when my parents adopted me and it was hell. but at the same time i know that not all adoptions have horror stories.

Nellie - posted on 10/26/2010

No, I don`t really want religion offered as a solution however, Dana, I do agree. Not many people are going 227 comments (BTW I am amazed by all the suuport from COM, thanx everyone!) so people areprobably going to continue the religion thing. And although it`s not what I`m looking for, I still appreciate it because that`s how they recieve comfort and they want to pass that comfort on.What really bothers me, like really really aggravate me, is the people that say I would regret giving Kayla up. Well, of course I would! I would never be able to get over it. Bt I need what is best for her. So, just an update for everyone, I talked to the Salvation Army again today and got s coupon for clothes. I also explained the sitation to the worker from Healthy Beginings. I think someone asked my living situation, I have my own appatment.

Jeanne - posted on 10/26/2010

Hi Nellie,

My heart is breaking for you and your daughter. I understand why you cut off ties with your family since it is the best thing for your daughter so you are a good mom...don't ever think that you are not. First off adoption is a very emotional option. If you go thru a private adoption with your friend this becomes very expensive and very invasive as well. Is your friend looking for an "open", "semi-open" or "closed" adoption? Open means that you have input and access to the child (on a schedule of course) and the child gets to know the birth parents well. Semi-Open means that you get updates from the adoptive parents and get to visit the child maybe once or twice a year. Closed means the parents get the child and you get no information about this child and the child receives no information about you. All things that have to be discussed and that you would have to decide what is best for you beforehand. Have you looked into receiving government assistance, whether it be with housing, food stamps or welfare? If you belong to a church check and see if they can offer some supports thru groups organized at the church. Get in touch with your local food bank to try and supplement your food...since you are a young single mom, I cannot see you being denied....and a lot of food banks also help with diapers and formula when they can (which would free up a little bit more money for you. What about the baby's father? I take it he isn't in the picture but he did make this child so you are within your legal rights to seek child support from this man which would go a long way into helping your financial situation. You say in your post that your daughter is your reason for living now what you have to ask yourself is could you go on without her? And I know this will sound cliche but I am going to say it anyways....things are always at their worst before they get better. I think you have a lot of soul searching to do before you make any decision whatsoever. I wish you luck and I will be praying for you and your daughter.

Barbara - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie, you are on hard times right now. I think all of us can tell that you won't just take a leap of faith on this matter. You made a life-affirming decision when you gave your daughter life, likely knowing that it wasn't going to be easy. You are her mother, and you always will be. She is attached and bonded to you. That bond is VERY strong. Many times, when a child is placed for adoption, that bond may be broken and it becomes part of the infant's/child's psyche: "My mother didn't want me. I must be bad." The result of this trauma is what is called "attachment disorder". And, yes, infants can suffer from attachment disorder when their world is disrupted. Attachment disorder takes the form of a whole host of feelings that an infant or child cannot process resulting in shame, anger, and mistrust of adults. I know this first-hand because my husband and I have adopted 2 children and both were diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. Can the infant/child recover? Certainly with consistency of care, but it can take several years. I don't mean to frighten you. Your daughter may not have this problem if she is very familiar with your friend, but it is a possibility to consider (as well as a myriad of details, guarantees, and legalities regarding the adoption).

I sense that you really want to keep your daughter. It is possible; it may be hard, but possible. People on this thread truly feel for you and have suggested very useful resources. Here is my addition: I encourage you to look at Feminists for Life at www.feministsforlife.org. They have some great advice and suggest resources for women in your exact situation. (I don't know if they have a Canadian chapter or not.) I saw that someone suggested Catholic Charities. If you have one that is accessible to you, they can help you provide for your daughter and likely have resources for you. Learn a trade/skill and/or go to college. There are many single moms who have done so because they have availed themselves of the support system.

Finally, take advantage of free legal assistance and get a restraining order on your brother! There's no excuse for abuse!

BTW: If you want to know more about attachment disorder, I recommend WHEN A STRANGER CALLS YOU MOM by Katherine P. Leslie, PhD. It is easy to read, written for laypeople like you and me.

S - posted on 10/26/2010

Seek out resourses and help. There are group home for single moms. I am a single mom of 3, no family ties, no one to help, but I have found ways to keep my kids with me, and have been able to see them grow and flourish. Its not easy, but when you have the drive to do for them anything is possibly.

There is so many things out there for you and them, so dont give up. Talk to someone, find a group, find other support. Exert all your options.

Nazli - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie, I can only sympathise with you and what you are going through and can only imagine how difficult it must be, but everyone has given you loads of good advice and please do look into all of it before you make a decision. As a mother of 2 boys ... who are my life, I would say please please keep your daughter with you, what a child needs mostly is love from a parent an it is obvious you have that in abundance. Please have faith and take advantage of the help that is offered be it food stamps, free day care etc. but hang on to your little girl ... because the regret of a mother having to give up a child when she didn't want to is a very difficult thing to live with!!!

Kristi - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie, I saw your post and admit that though I haven't read through all of the replies but I wanted to write from the perspective of a mom by adoption. I have two boys--6 & 2. As an adoptive mom I have nothing but respect for the women who gave them live and made the heart-wrenching and unselfish decision to make an adoption plan. I've also walked through some of the emotions and issues on your side of adoption with my niece who last year place her child with a family she knows--it's made me admire "1st moms" even more.I am not saying this is the best decision for everyone or for you but I haven't seen a lot of encouragement for your even considering the option. You are going through a rough time that may soon pass but remember that the very definition of love is putting the needs of someone else before your own needs and emotions--so making an adoption plan for your daughter is definitely a loving option.
Praying for wisdom for you!

P.S. As far as your daughter bonding with a new family--if you have done a good job bonding with her (and it seems as though you have) she will, in all likelihood, bond just fine with a different family. Both of my boys have bonded with us just fine and my oldest was 9 months old and lived in an orphanage before he came home to us.

Chatty - posted on 10/26/2010

That would mean that people had actually already read the other comments and were totally familiar with her story, Kate. That's expecting a lot! ;)

Kate CP - posted on 10/26/2010

Can we stop with the pushing God and Jesus down the girl's throat? She's already said she doesn't want that kind of advice.

Candyce - posted on 10/26/2010

You could try applying for PA, but if you do end up wanting to give your daughter something better, who better than a friend? As long as you can totally give up parental rights. And go for an open adoption so you can still see her. You would be more like the aunt in such a case.

Blessed Be

Anita - posted on 10/26/2010

I completely second Charlene Dulude & wouldn't ever advise u to part with ur baby girl come what may! What's d guarantee she'll be looked after well in d long-term or that u can live without her without ever wanting her back in ur life! Keep trying all popssible alternatives & avenues for a better situation with staunch faith in God & in urself & NEVER EVER GIVE UP for tough times don't last but tough people do! And God definitely helps those who help themselves is my firm belief! Kayla is God's gift to u so, don't ever think of putting her up for adoption! Work hard, seek proper help, try out all possible resources to better ur sitn but please don't ever part with ur lil doll. I'm v v sure smthg WILL WORK out with God's grace. My heart, soul & prayers r wth u dear & I sincerely wish, I could help u out in sm way but yes, my unflinching moral dsupport's always there with u. God bless u both! Tk cr.

Kim - posted on 10/26/2010

First of all, look into food stamps!!!! That will totally help you with helping provide for you and her every month! Please look into that! Yes. No matter what raising a child is extreamly hard! I have 4. It's tough. I'm glad your away fromthe bad influences. Your smart for doing that. As for adoption, it's tough to say. If your young, not married and find that keeping her could actually be harmful, yes I would consider possibly giving her to your friend to make sure she is taken care of. I know it's so hard. I'm lying here with my little 4 month old son writing this and can't imagine life without him, but I would do anything for this little man. And if that means giving him to a home that could save his life I would do it. You need to pray hard about this. This isn't an easy decision. I'm so sorry about this huge situation is in your lap. Please pray. Your heavenly father will help you. Trust in him.

Jolene - posted on 10/26/2010

So many have voiced the opinion that adoption is abandoning or giving up on your child. It is the complete opposite. It is deep love and one of the most unselfish things. To be a woman that can look beyond what her feelings are and look out for the welfare and well being of a child.
When my friend found herself pregnant and single at 17 she moved to a foster home. She had 2 parents and siblings and a home to stay in but..............She wanted to make a decision and she wanted it to be the best decision for a baby. While there the faster mother taught her something to help her make the decision.
Keep a journal
In one column write down all the reasons to keep your baby:

ie...she is my child
I love her
I need her
I will miss her
I can not live if I give her up

In the other column write down all the reasons to give her up:

ie....give her a better life
opportunities I can not give her
2 parents that will love her
regular and healthy food
insurance

Anyway (you get the idea) write down your reasons and only your reasons. Then look at the columns and decide. What is the best decision for your baby.

My friend did this and made the decision to give her child up, after she looked at her list she realized that keeping the baby were all for selfish reasons and giving her up were all for loving reasons. She gave the baby up 28 years ago. I asked her several years ago if she regreted her decision (she had 4 children at this time from her husband) She said NEVER di I regret it. Was I sad, miserable, unhappy, yes, but that is why I decided to leave my home and make the most difficult decision of my life. Because my mom wanted me to keep it and my father wanted me to give her up for adoption. And I, and only I would have to live with my decision every day of my life as I woke up. I had to make it by myself. And then realize I did the best for her! And that is how I never have regreted it.

I guess I just wanted you to know there are women out there who have gone through what you are going through. It does not make you a bad mom. It is a loving unselfish thing if that is what you decide to do.

My heart goes out to you as you make this most difficult decision. Best wishes. Good luck either way.

This Place Sucks - posted on 10/26/2010

i gave my first child up for adoption 23 years ago. When he turned 18 i searched for him, found him and now have an amazing relationship with him. It was worth the wait and i never once regretted it. I was unable to care for him at the time and i knew that. I did what was best for him and it was the best decision i have ever made. Im not saying do it, i just wanted you to know that adoption can be good too.

Janelle - posted on 10/26/2010

Nellie-
Where to begin... First off, you are doing a wonderful thing asking advice and reaching out. You are far from a bad parent and love your daughter unconditionally with the strength to be out here asking for help! How many people would do that? Most people wouldn't say a word and not put themselves out there like you have! Many people in this world are judgmental and make comments that they shouldn't. You will get through this and make the best decision for you and your daughter. I was too a single mother with nothing. It was the hardest thing in the world! I am not sure what benefits Canada offers because i am in the US. So seem to have a lot of helpful tips from some really nice women. I am not sure how religious you are but i will say some prayers for you and your sweet little girl. The best advice i can give you, is go with your heart and your motherly instinct. I would be more then willing to help out too! you can email me if you would like to chat or if you need a few things for your little girl. I just had a baby a year ago and i am sure i can mail a lot to you if you need it! i remembering feeling the exact same way you do right now and it is so painful. Please try to hang in there and you are NOT a bad parent at all! You are doing whatever you can for your little girl because you love her so much! Reach out to those that know your area and see what they can do for you. Dont be too proud to ask for help, its there for a reason! I had a really hard time asking for help because of my situation, but i needed it! I am doing ok now but it took a while for me to get back on track. You will too, i promise! And anyone would be depressed going through what you have gone through, so that statement was ridiculous and negative and you dont need right now. Focus on you and your little girl and all of the postive feedback ( like people trying to help you out) Hang in there sweetie and email me if you want.. just reply back w/your email and i will respond as i dont like to give out my email to the world :0) sending you both hugs..

Deborah - posted on 10/26/2010

Oh Sweetheart.. Life can definitely be complicated can't it. First and foremost I think you need a good sit down talk with God. Ya I know you need someone you can really open up too. And you want a reply back. I've been in your shoes and raised my son alone. He ate, I didn't. I didn't have a driver's license, barely had money to pay rent and a job that was minimum wage.
I think you need to ask God's advice. He will let you know what to do. I also think that putting Kayla up for adoption is the easy way out. Who can love that little child more or better than you?... no one.. She will grow to respect you and you will be able to teach her th values of life. I can promise you she won't be happier in someone else's arms. You want her happy right.. Then talk to God. Trust me on this, He'll help you. Even when you think the worst is here.. He'll be there to help you...

Kerri - posted on 10/26/2010

I would definately say to keep your daughter with you. Single Mom's can do it ! And your baby needs her Mommy. No ammount of money will ever replace a Mommy's love. And you truley don't sound like to want to give her up, you would end up regretting it. Please look into all thesuggestions about assistance here that was already given to you. Also I believe you can go to the women's shelter and they will help you and your daughter.

Stephanie - posted on 10/26/2010

I'm also a single mom with no family help. I left my very abusive husband when my daughter was 8 months old. When I left, I had absolutely nothing; no car, no money, no job, and a medically fragile infant. I started by calling 211. I enrolled in every state help program out there: HUD, food stamps, TANF, Medicaid, and individual church help programs. I let it be known that I needed help, and (in doing the leg work) I found it. Then I went to my local community college. I talked to a counselor and told them my situation. I told them I needed a career. They helped me start the Medical Assistant program and set me up with student loans and Pell grant. I also applied for every scholarship I could find. Once I got going, I realized I would not/ could not let my daughter and I settle for just survival. I want us to have a good life. In December I graduate from an RN program, top of my class. It took a lot of hard work and struggle. I have fought my way to the top, but it is so worth it. In the process, I've shown my young daughter how to be a strong, successful woman. Maybe, you could look into following this path too. Giving her up is a way to go, but it's the easy way out. If she is truly your "reason for living," fight for her, and yourself!

Shannon - posted on 10/26/2010

I would say that if you want to keep Kayla that you get help from the government no matter where you are there should be a program of some sort to help mums in need. That would be the first thing, Where are you staying and is there any other place you could stay if you are still with you parent some one willing to take you and your daughter in ? that way you can still keep her. I know that I am looking into adopting right now and you look at things from all sides and I could not imagin haveing to give up any of my children it effects your hole life and forever and it seems to me that you love her and want to do right by her so I suggest before you give her up you see what kind help you can find for the both of you governemt help a safe place to stay away from family who seems to want to harm her and then if you can;t find help the very last decision then you can pick an agency to go through and they will help you through the process of adoption, I know i am also researching many different places and adoption processes. Good luck and I will pray for you and you little one and if you need someone to talk to my ear is always open and if we lives close i'd do what i could to help. please don't hesitite to contact me and P.S Just love her maybe pray and have others pray for you xoxoxxoxo Take care

Tammy - posted on 10/26/2010

I understand you feel that way but it is unfair to those of us who does know he is their by what he has done in our lives.

Candice - posted on 10/26/2010

As a mom who just adopted I need to tell you that adoption doesn't work the way most people think. The only way to guaruntee that your friend would get your daughter is to do a private adoption. Basically you go to a lawyer and it do it that way. Expenses add up fast that way. Or if you surrender her to the authoritites then she has to be in the system for awhile before she is legally put up for adoption. She will be closer to a year old...
I wish there was something more I could do for you! Not knowing you or your entire situation saying that may seem meanless but please believe me when I say that I hope and pray the best for you and your child...

Marlene - posted on 10/26/2010

1st, babies need love more than anything else. it doesn't sound like anyone could love Kayla as much as you do.
2nd get on WIC & food stamps & yyou will eat more thn once a day. Breastmilk is free, but you need to be well nourished to produce it in the first place!
3rd, get a job where you can keep Kayla with you, like at a daycare, or start one yourself!

Jeanne - posted on 10/26/2010

I feel for you not having anyone or anywhere to turn. We have 2 adopted now adult daughters. Depending on where u live & if they allow private adoptions would it guarentee your daughter to friends & regardless there r still home studies etc. You don't tell us your age or your friend. If you live with for your daughter as you say keep looking there is help out there. You need to get away from your family before something bad happens to you or you baby.