Should I report my neighbor ?

Kristen - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 204 moms have responded )

81

28

My problem is there is a little boy around 5 years old that lives across the street from me and I am torn between reporting his grandmother for neglect or just staying out of it. The little boy lives with his maternal-grandmother because his paternal grandfather was molesting him and his parents knew and never reported it so he was brought to live with her.When the little boy is outside he is almost never supervised. He runs across the street(which gets alot of traffic for a neighborhood), goes in other people's backyards, throws rocks at cars, plays on top of parked cars(which belong to people that live with him) I have even seen him climb on a SUV to get on the roof of his house and his grandmother doesn't even know he's outside. He is ruff, pushes, hits,kicks and bites so i do not let my daughter near him nor do i let him on my property do to the fact i do not want to be responsible for him.Just last week he ran across the street and punched my neighbor in the stomach while he was talking to my husbad and me. I'm thinking about reporting his grandmother to cps(child protective services) because i think that this child needs to be supervised. She never even knows that he left the house when he is doing all this stuff. I think its going to end badly like the kid getting hit by a car or falling off the roof. My husband thinks I'm being nosey.Should I report my neighbor for neglect or just look away?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

204 Comments

View replies by

D - posted on 04/15/2010

10

1

sometimes the right thing...is the hardest thing to do...i live in a neighborhood where this kind of behaviour is the norm, i would talk with those kids, they knew they could come to me if they couldn't come to their parents. Make the call. She is aware of what she is doing. She may not have the stamina to take care of a child that age.

Dana - posted on 04/15/2010

11,264

35

All right ladies, thanks for participating in this one. ~Dana ~WtCoM Moderator

Kristin - posted on 04/15/2010

4

30

We had "neighbor trouble" involving a teenager recently. After trying to resolve it ourselves, we got the police involved. The police' response to us was that we should always talk to them (the police) FIRST when someone is in danger or if damaged property is involved. If you try and get the neighbor first, they can change their story or begin hiding things. So in this situation and for the safety of the child, I would say to contact the police.

Lucy - posted on 04/15/2010

6

6

i would report, it can always turn out as ok

Rosemary - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

I would absolutely report her, if grandma doesn't watch him now there is not much hope that she is that interested or she has many problems of her own. You would do this little boy a favor by reporting her..I commend you for taking an interest at what you witness with this boy.

Kate - posted on 04/15/2010

2

7

I would contact CPS straight away. This poor child has been damaged enough and it does not seem as though his grandmother is trying to help him at all. He needs someone to protect him and it looks as though his own family is incapable of doing the job.

Leslie - posted on 04/15/2010

21

10

How would u feel if you knew and didn't say anything??

Sheryle - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

Report it.

Rebekah - posted on 04/15/2010

2

32

Yes I suggest you talk to the grandmother first, she may not have any idea of the trouble he is causing when she is not being supervised. If that doesnt'work call CPS and let them know, as someone said they don't always take children from homes, they rather help the parents/grandpare'nts/aunts/uncles first before taking that next drastic step. I am from NZ and 2 years ago there was a really horrible case of child abuse that resulted in the child being killed, the mother didnt do anything about taking the child to hospital and it was the mothers boyfriend and 2 other males that beat the child up, and the worst thing about the abuse was that she got spun in the clothesdryer and hung on the washing line and other nasty things got done to her. There has been many cases here in NZ involving children dying from violent abuse and hardly no one likes to report to CYPS as its seen that getting involved is a bad idea. Good luck

Angela - posted on 04/15/2010

1

12

report her now! the child needs help.

Catherine - posted on 04/15/2010

1

5

i think it is good to report as a good neighbour who is concerned because what good will it be incase this child gets hurt?

Christine - posted on 04/15/2010

1

17

I grew up as a child of abuse, so I know what this little boy is going through. It is your LEGAL responsibility to report either to the police or CPS what this little guy is doing. It isn't his fault that he's acting this way. He is acting out his anger and helplessness over what has happened to him. I am a mother of 3 and a Nanny to 1, and if my grand-daughter were to be out on the street alone at the age of 5 without supervision, climbing on cars, throwing rocks, hitting people, I would be horrified!! Obviously the grandmother of this boy is not responsible enough to be 'caring' for this child. Out on the street one time unsupervised is an accident. SEVERAL times, it's neglect! It is your obligation to either report it to the police or CPS. What are you waiting for??

Karina - posted on 04/15/2010

1

20

What is wrong with you people? This child needs love he has been abused form the people who are suppose to be giving him unconditional love. Where is the christianity? we rather judge then give a helping hand...you all think the system is going to provide better care & love... Speak to the grandmother first offer help, you want to be involve then do the right thing...

Lorraine - posted on 04/15/2010

22

14

Have you tried talking to the Grandmother (out of concern for his welfare) I'm sure if you are diplomatic and careful what you say it will be ok - if that fails then I would file a report - someone has to look out for him and it doesn't sound like he is being taught any ground rules or safety measures

Margaret-Ann - posted on 04/15/2010

62

33

I totally agree with the suggestions from others that you should write an anonymous letter to this grandmother addressing your concerns along with suggestions of safety latches. Please don't turn the other way. There are far too many people doing that these days with terrible consequences.

Sharon - posted on 04/15/2010

19

59

you do hear of so many children dying through neglect,because tings werent done.so i would definately report it,at least youve done something,hopefully nothing serious will happen but its better you tried to prevent it rather than regret you did nothing

Kendra - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

Well I think you definitely need to do something. Sounds to me like his behaviors are pretty textbook for a little kid that gets NO attention and has no love. Negative attention is, ater all, better than no attention at all. And given his background of being abused he may have some trauma issues that are causing his violent outbursts.
I am a family law attorney so I see this type of thing frequently and I would love to say that calling CPS is going to make matters better, but not necessarily. However, if you do report to CPS they can keep it confidential so you won't have to confront your neighbor. I would think that since the kid was placed with the grandma CPS has had some involvement in the past and they may need to get involved again. He would probably benefit from some early intervention services and maybe grandma could even get some help with sending him to pre-school or head start where he can get some more structure and possibly therapy.
I don't think you are being nosy. As a mother we take care of our kids and I think we also have a duty to make sure all kids are safe.

Robin - posted on 04/15/2010

37

33

Yes I would report it.

Deborah - posted on 04/15/2010

3

0

I think you should report her just to keep the child safe. It sounds like he needs alot of attention and love. Discipline wouldn't hurt either and guidance. I hope he will get the help he needs.

Alannah - posted on 04/15/2010

27

15

This is not being nosey. That child has already suffered enough and doesn't need to have more neglect piled on top of the abuse he has already lived through. I would definitely say report it. At the very least it sounds like he needs to be in counselling for his behaviour, which is probably just acting out to get attention from the people who are supposed to be his caretakers. It's so sad that people like this have children when so many people are struggling to make a baby.

Brittany - posted on 04/15/2010

3

12

YES YOU SHOULD REPORT IT! That is terrible that this women is letting her grandson run lose around like that. He needs to be somewhere that someone can show him what is right and what is wrong. Clearly his grandmother is not able to care for him the way a 5 yr old should be. Plus if u dont report it and something bad happens then you will end up feeling guilty later knowing that you could have prevented that in the first place by getting him out of a dangerous situation.

Lynn - posted on 04/15/2010

1

8

maybe the grandma needs help call the cps and ask them too help

Susan - posted on 04/15/2010

14

19

There is NOTHING stating you are being NOSEY, especially if a child is in DANGER!!!!! You could be the 1 to help save this child's life. Do what's right & make the call.

Crystal - posted on 04/15/2010

1

13

I say go ahead...someone has to speak up for him. If he is that neglected then how is he to learn wrong from right and brought up to be a respectable person. Time to speak up before another child falls through the cracks.

JoAnn - posted on 04/15/2010

4

0

Have a kind heart, and let the boy play in your yard with your children, invite the grandmother over find out the whole situation before calling the authority. Teach him how to be a nice kid and make friends, etc....we need more people being tolerant than we need kids in an out of foster care. Its unfortuante that this little boy has to grow up like this. The child obviously needs an adult to care.

Jaime - posted on 04/15/2010

1

36

Not sure this is something you should be posting on the internet...could be in violation of FOIP Act (freedom of info and privacy act)..even though names are not listed...your name is, so people can put 2 and 2 together...but to answer your question, yes. I believe you have an obligation to report to the proper authorities...someone needs to be an advocate for this child.

Marie - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

I totally think you should report it. He could be hurt crossing the street, falling off the roof, picking on the wrong kid and so on. For his safety you should definately report it.

Cat - posted on 04/15/2010

1

2

More than likely the g'ma will just be investigated, and he will stay there.

Alison - posted on 04/15/2010

1

20

This child has already had enough bad things happen to him so don't hesitate to report the family. As a serving Police Officer who has completed 6 years in child protection department I just wish there had been more people like you reporting incidents of concern. If anything happens to this child and you haven't said anything, could you live with the guilt? Report this now for the sake of the child.

Melrose - posted on 04/15/2010

4

6

I would express your concerns to the local social services and the police and ask them to look into it. It is so sad that a child has no parential supervision and is left it appears to its own devises. I feel that the child lacks the love of a caring parent and hits back because of it. For the sake of another child... ending up in real trouble or dead please do something to set the wheels in motion for protection of itself and others.

Renee - posted on 04/15/2010

2

48

I definatly think you should report it! Its always confidential and who knows, u could be saving his future! I know I wouldnt think twice but to take action.. :)

Chrissie - posted on 04/15/2010

2

14

How would you feel if he was injured or killed and you could have stopped it? It is one thing if it happens once or twice but if it is a chronic issue, you have to say something.

Mischelle - posted on 04/15/2010

2

11

well would you want someone reported if they were doing this to your child, the poor kid being shuffled from home to home being molested deserves a break. I say get involved there is too many times when people turn and look the other way and the child either gets killed (like in DC the 3 girls) or they continue to be neglected and then later as a grown up we end up paying for that person either because hes in the prison system or hes killed someone.

Tammy - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

Report him, at least he might have a better chance with a foster family.

Gwendolyn - posted on 04/15/2010

9

0

One more thing. This world we live is going bad. The children are out of control and the parents don't have control anymore. Maybe we need to go back and re-look how we are doing things. God help us all.

Gwendolyn - posted on 04/15/2010

9

0

Please don't look away. You will never be able to forgive yourself if something happens to this kid. It pays for someone to be nosey.

Scottie - posted on 04/15/2010

3

0

it is a shame folks frown on spanking these days, because that's exactly what this child needs ( and maybe the grandmother and parents too for that matter!). We had a child very similar to this in our neighbor hood. He drove everyone crazy and terrorized the other kids and neighborhood pets. No one looked after him and he just ran wild. I finally had enough of his behavior. His parents told me that they couldn't handle him and didn't know what to do. CPS pretty much had their hands full already and are overworked, and the none of the neighbors were willing to do anything,so i just stepped in. I threatened and did on occasion spank the child, much to his shocked surprise,and told him 'no'. (if you are at my house or on my property and act up, fight or cuss, i will spank----all the kids who hang out here know that). Children need boundaries and if the parents weren't going to do it for the sake of the child, I did it. He behaves himself around me, my kids and my house; he says yes ma'am and no ma'am and generally is a decent child. Now, I don't know what or how he behaves around his parents, school or anyone else, but he knows he won't get away with his foolish behavior here at my house---I won't put up with it.

Micheline - posted on 04/15/2010

1

0

First talk with the grand mother or let the autority to do it. I am an emergency shelter for children like the little one you talk about. Sometimes the care gaver need just to be put on track with the care they must gave to a child. If grand ma don't know better someone has to help, it's take 2 innocents adults to make a child but a full town to raise a child.. I will talk to grand ma first, you are a mom and you will find the good words, if not well this child need a little more and you can be his Guardian Angel, every report is confidentiel than.. don't let nothing happen to him.. My grand mother name is Nja Tja Nebwa from the turtle clan..we need to protect the little one , do what your heart tell you to do, it won't be a mistakes beleive in it, and you are a mom than....good luck with this heart taken...and you are right to try to protect your child but the other little one need also to be protect.. Nana grand mother of 33 children who came to have a rest in my home..good luck!..

Becky - posted on 04/15/2010

5

0

I agree with Brittany, don't look the other way. People do that way too often and it's time we become advocates for our children. We're talking about the safety of a child and the possibility of him getting in a home where someone can teach him how to behave and care for him the way he deserves to be cared for.

Rhonda - posted on 04/15/2010

5

10

How can you sleep at night? Even if it caused hard feelings between the neighborhood, You should'ev called CPS the first time you saw or heard somthing. This poor kid is going to be mest-up the rest of his life thanks to the other so called adults in his life, help this little guy out. They obveiously don't know better. There are better familys out there for the child to be raised by. (Think of it this way you will be giving him a chance for a better, safer future.)

Tina - posted on 04/15/2010

9

25

I would first speak to the grandmother and inform her of his behavior, I read you don't think she knows. Is the grandmother healthy enough to take care of the 5 yr old? Have you spoke to other neighbors? I would also talk to the kid, he may just need someone in his life to look up too. He has had a rough life so far and doesn't seem to really have anyone so then again it may be wise to report to CPS. You already know he needs help, maybe supervise visit with him and your child and show him right from wrong? Has he been your neighbor for long?

Polly - posted on 04/15/2010

2

0

If you just look away and something bad happens to that child you will blame yourself for the rest of your life and besides that his acting out is a cry for someone to notice him and possibly even help him, all children need someone to speak for them as they cannot speak for them selfs. Don't turn your back on this child.

Angelea - posted on 04/15/2010

1

12

Talk to the boy! Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. Maybe he has had no adult worth respecting and you could provide some much-needed guidance. Maybe he has had no one care at all about him and you could be the first to show concern. Maybe he has had no one nurture him at all..sounds like he could use something positive in his life.

Lauren Louise - posted on 04/15/2010

23

11

in my opinioin i would report the boy i dont think this is rite and i think they maybe need some help to get back to normal

Kathy - posted on 04/15/2010

2

5

I would speak with the grandmother and tell her your concens about her grandson and the things that you are seeing him do. Because it sound like this kid needs some type of counseling because of what happen to him. Once you have spoken to her about these concerns then if there are no result then you should report this matter to cps. Because when we see things that are happening to people when need to speak up.

Trish - posted on 04/15/2010

15

0

No you are not being nosy, just a caring mother. Please report it sooner rather than later. The child is desperate for some attention, unfortunately the only attention he will get is brain damage/serious injury or worse than that. Trust me grandma knows he is outside, she seems to be lacking in common sense, she is not capable of looking after the child - she needs help as well as the child. Do it anonymously, or see if your other neighbours will do it as well, especially as they have been affected by all this too. You will feel so bad if something happens and you did nothing. Bless you.

Kim - posted on 04/15/2010

3

7

i think you know that you do need to report it. Thank God for responsible parents like you, in this world.

You can do it anonymously.

Debbie - posted on 04/15/2010

1

1

you should phone social services and make them aware of the concerns you have. I would be surprised if this child was not already known to them due to the abuse situation. Social services would be able to assess the situation and put things in place to both help the child and his grandmother. Please do not worry about "being nosey" or "not wanting to cause trouble" for at the centre of all this is a child that is obviously in some sort of distress we all have a duty to protect children as individuals and as a community along with specialised agencies. The fact that you have asked for advice leads me to a saying my grandmother used to say "Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer and wish you didnt" You may be the most positive change in helping this child so make that call. You deserve support as so many of use just try to ignore what we see or witness and this can lead to horrific outcomes good for you to be concerned I just wish more people would be as caring

LUCRETIA - posted on 04/15/2010

1

3

PRAY AND GOD WILL LET YOUR HEART KNOW AND ALOW YOU TO BE STRONGER IN YOUR DISCIITINO. THEN YOU WILL BE AT PEACE.

Marilee - posted on 04/15/2010

8

9

I think you must act or you may never forgive yourself if something happens to this child. It is not his fault that he is not supervised and he shouldn't pay the price. Would it be possible to talk to the grandmother or send her a letter first to share your concerns and let her know you will act? If not go to child protection and they can do an assessment. He obviously needs intervention or he may even end up in prison as an adult if his issues are not addressed. The earlier the better. Be strong and act because you are right to.