Should I take my son to see his Dad even though he never makes any attempt to come see him?

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My son's father and i are going through a divorce, he always has an excuse to not come see his son or come get him for a little while. I feel like a bad mom cause he doesn't see his dad. Should i feel like this is my fault? Also should I just take him to his dad?

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Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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I am so glad that i am getting helpful comments and not mean and nasty ones i guess in the long run if he wants to see him he will what he misses out on is his problem not mine and if my son EVER wants to see his dad i will do everything i can to meet his needs! Thanks again everyone you are all awesome!

Daisy - posted on 06/25/2009

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Well, how old is your son? If old enough to know and understand what is going on, there is no need to feel that it is your fault. Children sometimes know more than we do. If he is a baby, just forget that he has a dad and move on.

Crystal - posted on 06/25/2009

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I felt bad for a long time as well. When I finally moved on with my life, and let God handle the situation his way, I finally had peace with the situation. It will take a while though. Right now, your son is a reminder of a life with you. He doesn't want that reminder and it makes him angry, in turn making you angry. It is not fair to you and your son, but you also have to do what is best for Jaime, loving him no matter what the situation turns out to be and he will love you back for that!

Heidi - posted on 06/25/2009

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Well from my point of view(and I know a few people will see it differently) I left my ex when my son was 8 months old. At first he made a point of coming to see his son every 2 weeks, but my ex also had a girlfriend at the time(now they are married) they have 3 daughters and with each daughter that came along the visits came less and less, and now its to the point that the fatehr comes about twice a year. Its a sad sad situation. In the past my exes wife has come and got my son, and I have driven myson to his fathers house and I have picked him up several times(mind you they seem to think it was only 5 or 6 times) but I have a record of each and every time that I either drove my son there or picked him or even met them half way.

It is not your fault at all. Its the dads fault. If the dad chooses not to see his son he is the one missing out. It just sucks for the child involved because it gets to a point where the child will refuse to visit( my son is almost to that point now). After years of neglect and feeling rejected it does take a toll on the kids involved. I have yet to figure out why ANY parent would do that to there child. Its not the childs fault at all either. They weren't asked to be brought into this world and certainly don't deserve to be treated that way at all. I hope in your case the father comes around and realizes what he is missing out on. A great son!

All you can do is be there for your son, love him inconditionally and support any decisions he makes as he gets older. That is what I do for my son and he is now 10 years old. A mother can only take so much, and I am to the point where I won't even try anymore to contact the dad and ask when he will come and visit. I take it one day at a time and when my asks me "why isn't my daddy visiting?" All I can say now is I don't have an answer for that. Because in reality I don't know why my ex wont visit his son. He always has some sort of excuse and I won't make up lies or cover up for him anymore. My ex can tell his son himself why he lets months and months go by. Mind you I will never deny my son his father. He can call whenever he wants and if he were to ask me to take him to his fathers house for a visit I would do it for my son, but I won't do it if my ex asks me to. He hasn't been around hardly at all so I find no need to do him any favours, but I would do it for my son for sure.

So now its been over 3 months since my ex has seen his son again and god only knows when he will show up for his next visit. He is suppose to come every other week for him, but he chooses not to.

So in the end just be there for your son.

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2009

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its not that i think something horrid is going to happen it's just that he's an affair child and and it's such a difficult sittuation for obviouse resons she hates me like im the devil so how do i know my son is going to be treated fairly

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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that seems to make the most sense but i still feel bad that he doesn't see his dad...

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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i can see how that would not be a pleasant situation i just hope that hes not treated badly by the rest of the family..

Crystal - posted on 06/25/2009

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I tried for 6 months, going out of my way, taking my twins to see their father. It didn't help. Until the father decides he wants to be a part of your son's life, it won't matter what you do. Your child is a baby, and he won't understand anyway. It took 5 years and a great new wife, for my ex to decide to be a part of the twins lives and now they have a good relationship.

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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well hes definitley not old enough to understand hes only ten months old and Jeremy keeps saying that when hes older i will spend more time with him well i don't see how thats fair to me or my child

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2009

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im in a little bit of a strange situation you see the father of my child had an affair with me and now i have to send my child into a houshold that hates me

[deleted account]

I totally understand where you are coming from because I just got divorced and my ex-husband doesn't make an effort to see our two children. No, I don't think you should take him to see him because once you get there who's to say that he will stay. I took my children to see their father once and he left. So, now I don't take them because I feel if he wants to see them he will make an effort to pick them up and drop them off. Don't feel bad because of that just make sure your son knows you love and care for him.

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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no hes not old enough hes only ten months and Jeremy my sons dad keeps saying well when hes older i will spend more time with him, but i don't think thats fair for to me or Jamie (my son) and i don't think he should get to choose when he gets to spend time with him that just to convenient!

Ryan - posted on 06/25/2009

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thanks girls it makes me so mad that he doesn't make the effort to try and see him i know he loves him but its almost like hes an inconvenience i haven't had to deal with him having another woman there although i am sure i will sooner or later and i am not going to like that he does help with supporting him somewhat when i make him but i would much rather him see his son that support him just by money..

User - posted on 06/25/2009

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I think it depends on his father's attitude toward your son. If he is at all hostile, I say NO - but if he is just indifferent, you might flat-out ask him if he wants to spend time with your son or not. If not - that is something you can bring up to the judge/lawyers during your divorce proceedings.



Don't feel like this is your fault - because it isn't. And until you find out exactly why your spouse (because you're not officially divorced yet) makes excuses not to see your son, I wouldn't trust him with your son if he isn't yet old enough to at least care for himself a little bit and talk enough to tell you what happened/didn't happen during the time he spent with his father.

Karlye - posted on 06/25/2009

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don't feel like your a bad mom... as a matter of fact your a great mom because you are worried about your sons relationship with his father...

i was a child of divorce and my father didn't want to spend time with me... when my mom would take me to see my father he would get mad and it wouldnt be a fun trip for me at all... i was 13 at the time and knew what was going on... it really is just a judgement call of your own... at least untill the judge tells you your options...

good luck and keep up the great mom work!

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2009

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i don't know..im in the proses of going thru court to get child support from my sons father who has never seen him and comes up with any excuse not too.....to tell you the truth im nervous about him getting visitations as his girlfriend hates me and im unsure weather or not he will be treated fairly with the other three kids...i wish you luck and do what your gut tells you to do

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! If my husband acted that way he probably would never see his daughter! If he doesn't want anything to do with him your little guy is much better off with his mommy who wants to see him and spend time with him! Yes it would be ideal for the father to be in the picture but I think children (no matter how young) can since when they're not the most important thing! ANd they should always feel like the most important thing! Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you!

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