Should I tell her he is a cheat?

Jane - posted on 01/14/2013

I am aware of the court system...I was married to an attorney. I am sure his finance has no idea he is a cheater. She is a church lady and would be horrified. He is a charmer and a liar and he fooled me for a long time, and I am smart and usually aware. Thanks so much for everyone's help. You all are great!

Ann - posted on 01/14/2013

forget him just let her find for her self. Once a cheat always a cheat. As you were the one he cheated with she won`t welcome you telling her. However still go after him for the money he owes you, And don`t lend him any more.

Grandma - posted on 01/14/2013

How many other women out there does he own money too...how many women was he really cheating with/or on when he was with you or someone else...sounds to me that he wants his cake and eat it too. If this man is religious, his religion is not with God, it's with Satan. No one who is truly into his religion would not be out doing these things and would not be having affairs, he would get married first. He is old enough he can wait...not a young teenager with raging hormones. I would take this man to court and the sooner the better, you probably can't go to court before the wedding, but maybe you could have papers served on him before it. At least the woman will know where $500 a month is going, because once she is married, she gets not financial help. Maybe he is setting her up with an insurance policy...then he could get lots of money. I would watch out for this man...don't meet him anywhere and don't talk to him. He could be dangerous, if he thinks his little world might crumble. You need to decide what is best and safest for you. God Bless and good luck in whatever you decide you need to do. Remember, if you decide to go to court, you take copies of all emails, bills, etc.; you need to have them to show the character of this devil man.

Michelle - posted on 01/14/2013

Take him to small claims court if he isn't repaying the money then. If you have it in writing then you have all the evidence you need to take him to court.

She will soon find out the type of man he is.

Jane - posted on 01/13/2013

i have the repayment agreement in an email. As I said, the lady he is marrying is on food stamps so no money there. I don't think there is enough to call the police even though he is a liar and a no good guy. I am taking everyone's advice to not tell the fiancee about his cheating ways.

TJ - posted on 01/13/2013

I agree with Michelle... "I would be reporting him to the police as there are others out there that like to prey on the more mature ladies and get all their money."

Let the cops come knocking at his door, and let his new ladyfriend answer it.

Get his agreement to repaying the debt in writing, before a notary, and make sure he states that the debt is NOT voidable by bankruptcy!!!

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

look if it makes you feel better to let her know,then do it ,if this really will make you feel better knowing it may make everything way worse then, when it happens you know what to expect .you will save her or she will not like you so its your choice.....

Jane - posted on 01/12/2013

The woman he is marrying has no money...she is on food stamps. He borrowed from me because I could afford it. He has paid me back but then borrows more. This last time made me upset because I loaned him money to get his car fixed and he agreed to a repayment plan. But 2 hours after he got my money he wanted an extension because of lots of bills, one of which was helping his 2nd exwife with money for a new apt. That really irked me because he spends all his money and then wants a loan or an extension. I know I am stupid to loan him money....won't do that ever again, but he charmed and knew how to work my generous nature.

He wants a wife and I think he wants someone who won't ever argue or disagree and someone he can subtly control. I was too smart for him, that is how I figured out he was still seeing his ex wife. But in other ways I was really dumb...obviously.

Just wish this new woman knew his true character. He even told me he doesn't love her but is going to roll the dice because maybe next year he might love her. How sick is that?

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2013

Why isn't anyone else realizing that this guy is the romeo's that women are being warned of?
He's finding a woman, "borrowing" money and then not paying it back, then moving onto the next one.

Take him to court for the money and report him to the police. Stop him doing it to the next victim.

Jane - posted on 01/12/2013

I will have the tests and I did use a condom. I have listened to all of the good advice and I will let it go. I think after 2 years he really knew how to sweet talk me and manipulate me but I now can see his true colors. Honestly, most everyone thinks he is a great guy, when in actuality he is a cheating sociopath. I have been reading lots of books about manipulative men and I am learning quickly. I won't make this same mistake again.

Jen - posted on 01/12/2013

I was thinking of sending her an email telling her about the loan and about his infidelity but it seems most of the smart ladies here on circle of moms say let it go
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Please listen to this advice. Your actions regarding her are destined to blow up in your face. Think about it. You know he cheats and yet you still sleep with him. What makes you think she DOES NOT KNOW already? All it will do is paint you as the psycho ex-girlfriend that he is already painting of you. Do you really want that stress? I hope you are using protection when with him because I'd be very worred about disease from the other partners you don't know about. You should have your doctor run a full STD test on you, including HIV. Many of the illnesses show no outward sign ex. clamydia or herpes.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

GOOD LUCK TO YOU ,I REALLY HOPE THINGS WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU,AND THIS GUY IS USING GOD AS A SHIELD FOR HIS EVIL DOINGS SO YEAH THATS A DEVIL MAN!!!!!!

Jane - posted on 01/12/2013

DEVIL MAN is a good name for him...thank you for coming up with my new name for him. And if he knew his new name, which he won't , he would be very upset because he considers himself so religious. You are right when you say he is who he is and he won't change and it isn't my responsibility to protect the world from him. Hopefully she will find out before her heart is totally broken.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

Yes I realize that he got you for a bit of money and you could take him to small claims court to try to get the money.Asfar as anything else really staying away from him is the best thing to do .I know you want to let others know what he is ,but doing so dosent mean she will believe you,and may make her mad ,maybe this will make him mad also where he really starts treating you worse,than he already has and is.This is who he is and he is going to continue this else where and what else can you do about it,but hope other woman,will not fall pray to him.Im so sorry that,this guy did this to you,go after your money,the legal way,cut all dealings with him except through a lawyer.This other woman dosent have anything to do with the money he owes you,she will find out or she wont ,just take care of you,whats best for you is to STAY AWAY FROM THAT DEVIL MAN.......GOOD LUCK

Jane - posted on 01/12/2013

This man is 65...so he is mature as well. Both he and I look much younger than our ages...

I do have emails from him to me and back about most of what I have written. I am currently on vacation so he has been nasty through emails trying to get the extension...then when nasty didn't work, he was trying to be sweet. That didn't work on me either since I can truly see the kind of man he is.

I was thinking of sending her an email telling her about the loan and about his infidelity but it seems most of the smart ladies here on circle of moms say let it go. Any more opinions for me...I thank everyone for the advice...

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2013

He's not a church man, he's a womanizing scammer. he's scammed money out of you, is setting up his ex wife (whom he still loves) in an apartment and is lining up the next victim.

I would be reporting him to the police as there are others out there that like to prey on the more mature ladies and get all their money.

Thereasa - posted on 01/11/2013

a church man should know better he commits sin everytime he sleeps with someone. thats no right in gods eyes hes know better!

Thereasa - posted on 01/11/2013

just say that you slept with him again but go to alawyer and get that agreement in writting before you do. wow hes such a cheat! i bet your thankful ur out of it.

Jane - posted on 01/11/2013

I appreciate all the comments. I think I just wanted to let her know who she is marrying...the type of guy he is. But she probably thinks he will change. I don't want to lose my money...it is 4000 and he supposed to pay me 500 every month. As soon as he agreed to the repayment plan he asked for an extension because he needed money for his wedding and for his 2nd ex wife who he still loves and needs an apartment. This is like a tragic comedy. I am sure you girls don't realize that I am a lovely smart woman and how I fell for this guy, I don't know. He is charmer and I am naive is the only explanation I can think of. I still would lke to warn her specially since he was nasty to me when I wouldn't give him an extension. But he is good looking etc etc and a church man so she thinks what could be better.

Jen - posted on 01/11/2013

The other woman has nothing to do with what's really important here. 1- He owes you money and 2- it's NOT your business who he is sleeping with and I don't understand why you'd want to get involved in what is already a train wreck.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/11/2013

The messanger,always gets shot,if your done with him then be done with him in everyway ,this will be her problem .....now and im sure she will find out on her own as you did,and she will take the trash out.

Holly - posted on 01/11/2013

i would tell her, but don't push the fact as she may take it as an attack on the man she "loves".

S. - posted on 01/11/2013

If it was me I'd want to know too but then in my experience the woman doesn't hardly ever belive the other woman and given who she is I can't imagain her believing you,his ex!
I'd probably opt to leave it, you have nothing to gain and this poor woman will find out the truth eventually if he's as big of a rat as you say.