Amber - posted on 06/10/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
NOW THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASE, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME
I got pregnant at 17 by a friend (Shai) during the time my high school boyfriend (Zach) and I were taking a "break" from each other. After finding out I was pregnant I had no doubt in my mind that I was keeping my child. Shai on the other hand wanted me to have an abortion. He and his family kept telling me to get rid of it, kill it and saying I was a slut and a "stupid American girl" and just very hurtful remarks. I cut off all communication with him and his family and me and Zach got back together shortly after. Zach knew I got pregnant and he wanted to be the father to my son. We got pregnant 2 years later and unfortunately our relationship fell apart so I left him when I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd son. He became verbally abusive. Zach did step up to be the "father" but he was never a daddy to my kids. He wasn't supporting them in any way. He saw them when it was convenient for him and when he wasn't to tired from drinking and going out the night before (so maybe once every 2 weeks) I met a wonderful man 3 years later and was engaged. By this time my kids hardly ever saw their father and started calling my fiance, Larry, Dad. They knew who their real father was, but they also knew who was being the Dad, and who they had the closest relationship with. We were together for 4 years and ended up splitting up last year. Me and Larry still have a great friendship. He wanted to continue seeing the boys and my kids wanted to continue seeing him. THIS IS WHERE I NEED HELP
Because Larry was so good with them..he was such a great father...I let them continue on with their relationship (Zach still hardly ever being in the picture) and my kids need a father in their lives. Now, I explained to my kids that we are no longer getting married but that Larry still loved them with all of his heart and it doesn't change anything between them and Larry. I also started referring to him as LARRY instead of DADDY right after we parted. They asked me if they can still have him as a Daddy because they love him so much. So I explained to them the situation again and told them yes.
It has now been almost 2 years since me and Larry have separated and my kids go to his house every week, every school 3-day weekends, hollidays and during summer break. They still call him daddy But they know who their Dad Zach is and see him about once a month.
First, Am I doing the right thing by letting them call him daddy still? they have such a close relationship and they dont seem to be confused or concerned at all. They know daddy Larry and Dad Zach.....Now i'm worried when the time comes for me to get married to another man what they will think. And to add to it, The main reason I posted this, my first son has a different biological father than my younger son. Shai, the guy who said all those horrible things about the baby and myself. Do I tell my son the truth? How do I tell him the reason his Bio. father doesn't want him? Keep in mind I tried contacting Shai when My son was 2 yrs old and his family Blew up on me over the phone and told me never to call their house again that this baby is going to ruin lives, then they changed their number. What do I do??? Do I tell him or do I let him be happy??? Please help =(