Should I Try To Save Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

Signe - posted on 05/19/2012

Rhonda,
I work with victims of domestic violence, and I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence hotline: (800) 799-SAFE, they can safety plan with you, and guide you to resources in your area.
You can also any time call the police if you don't feel safe, and they can issue you an emergency protective order on the spot, and that will buy you time (usually 3-5 days) to get a temporary restraining order if that is what you need. Pinching your nerve spots is considered physical abuse and will warrant a protective order. (typically a judge wants to know that there has been physical abuse in the last three months, but psychological terror and child abuse can also warrant an order. Keep a journal of what is going on, it easily gets blurry, thinking about which day things happened.
I encourage you to find an agency that offers support groups so you can learn about the dynamics of DV and also feel the support of others that are experiencing similar issues.
you can also check out www.womenslaw.org about all your rights and options.
If you husband checks the computer's history, you might consider a computer at the library or at a trusted friend's house.
I want you to consider your childrens' and your own saftey first of all.
Also, you can not change someone who does not think he/she is wrong. He has to realize that he is the one with issues in order to work on them. Remember: It is not your fault!

Jen - posted on 05/19/2012

Abused children often don't want to leave the abusive parent.

If a teacher discovers the abuse, you could lose your children for knowingly allowing it to continue.

He will not change. He is not a good father, even remotely. Even if he has nice days where he buys ice cream - HE IS NOT A GOOD FATHER. He is a drunken, abusive man who is potentially molesting one.

What exactly do you think will work here?

Phyllis - posted on 05/19/2012

Rhonda....i am so sorry you are going through all this ...i have been there done that ...it is very hard to LEAVE but for your OWN SAFETY and your SONS you MUST !!!! there are SHELTERS out there that will help you ... you and your son will be safe and they will help you get on your feet..your husband is a very sick man ...you CAN NOT help him ..if fact by staying with him you are helping keep him sick .. your child will never recover from the abuse if you continue to stay ..he needs help now !!! my father abused my sisters and me and it created all kinds of problems for us in life... you can also go to Al-Anon meetings or Celebrate Recovery ...both programs are free..look on the internet for meetings... do not kick him out unless the police is there ...he may harm you and your son .... good luck and prayers...

Jill - posted on 05/19/2012

Rhonda, trust your knowledge of facts and your instincts. Your relationship isn't worth saving. Love is not enough. Love does not fix problems like this. Put your heart away and use your brain.

He's an alcoholic - which you can't fix.
He is physically and emotionally abusive - which you can't fix.

You found him naked in your son's room and you suspect abuse of your other son. It is mothers that don't listen to that little voice that put their children in danger.

I'm not sure it is safe to attempt to throw him out, unless you're the sole owner of the home and can get restraining order. If not, pack up the kids and go somewhere safe. Get a lawyer to start divorce proceedings and a protection order. Have your 4 year old seen by a court approved child psychologist. Don't contact your husband directly, communicate only through a lawyer. Have you ever called the police and/or filed charges when he's hurt you, or threatened you? If not, start.

This is premature advice, but you mentioned your son's ages were 4 and 2. That is really a short gap between relationships. Take a good long break from men after you're clear of this, and talk to a therapist about your thought process when you find yourself attracted to someone. The last thing you need after breaking free of this mess is a new relationship. You need to learn how to be strong on your own and rely on yourself before you can even think about a partner again.

Cathy - posted on 05/19/2012

I posted on this message a few days ago. Some of the people here seem to be a little harsh and judgemental. Rhonda, you definately need to leave that unhealthy relationship and go get healthy yourself with good counselor who specializes in abuse. Don't go to anyone who doesn't have the experience or education of abusive relationships. Those of you who think it is that easy for her to just pick up and go, need to understand that unless you have walked in her shoes through her life up til now, you would realize it isn't easy for her. Her vision is clouded for whatever reason thinking a man makes her feel complete, and that. Rhonda, I know you're holding on to wanting him to change, but in the end, when you get healthy, you wont want him anymore, I promise. He can control his behavior if he really wanted to, but he will always be the same man. There are alcoholics that drink to the point of passing out, BUT the thoughts of sexually abusing a child NEVER enter their minds. You're husband is sick with his alcoholism ... but the rest of his problems run so much deeper. Would you rather lose him or your children? Because one is without doubt going to happen. Go get help TODAY. Pick up the phone. If you have someone close that can take your son over night before you go, then do that. But don't just do nothing. It will be ok.... It will get worse before better, but I promise, you will survive.

Harriet - posted on 05/19/2012

You will be perpetuating the cycle of abuse if you DON'T LEAVE! Ask for help so you can get out. If not for yourself, for your kids. If you stay you are potentially raising not just victims, but abusers! Is that what you want for them? I'm sure the answer is no. Good luck and Godspeed .

Ebere - posted on 05/19/2012

I'm sorry sweetie..you can't save this marriage..in the process of trying to save this marriage, you could end up hurting yourself and your kids... God bless you..goodluck

Rachel - posted on 05/18/2012

This brings tears to my eyes. Those poor children are subjected to this man's unpredictable mood when drunk,his abuse of you & the UNDENIABLE hurt of molestation. How else would you expect your 4 yr old to behave toward him other than complicit? He knows what happens when this animal has a skinful of booze 'BEWARE'! Nothing in the world is worse for you & the children than what is occurring here! I don't know what your circumstances are likely to be if you leave, probably very difficult as it is for the majority of people, but for the sake of your chilren make a stand in their defense & leave, please! There are too many children being messed up in this world through no fault of their own, but a parent who demonstrates their love goes a LONG way to ensuing a child's future emotional stability & well being.

Terrie - posted on 05/18/2012

If you think he is abusing your child and you do nothing about it, then you become an accomplice in the abuse. If you do not report your husband and separate yourself and your children then you have aided in the abuse and courts will see it just like that if ever your child decides to confide in someelse or someone sees what is going on and reports him to CPS.



I hate to be blunt, but it is the mear truth. I know it is hard knowing that the man you love is not the loving and caring man that you want him to be when he is drunk. He is not going to change until he decides to and that will not likely happen until he hits rock bottom. Who knows when that will be. No one says that you have to devorce him, but you do need to take your children away from the situation. I don't judge you. This is a harsh and cruel world. Sometimes things happen beyond our control. I am sorry you are dealing with this.



I gave you my opinion and so did others. It will be up to you do what is best for your family.



I did read enough to know that you own the house. And I saw that a foster mother gave you some very good advice as well about keeping documentation and what have you. I agree with this.



What I ment by separating yourself from the situation I guess is that you need to get him out of your home. If you are paying on the home and it is going to be a financial burden you can look into someone taking over payments and finding you someplace cheaper to live. If you own the home but the up keep is going to be to much for you then saling the home and using it own a smaller place that is better suited for your finances post husband. These of course are suggestions and not to be taken as gospel.

Becky - posted on 05/18/2012

GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN. YOU NEED TO PROTECT THOSE BABIES. I say this out of past experience of this same situation . I was reading this and it felt like i was reading about my ex husband. I stayed in my marriage for longer than I should have because I thought thinhgs would get better THE DID NOT AND THEY WILL NEVER GET BETTER.


If you think he is abusing your child/children then you should trust your feelings and GET OUT

Roxanna - posted on 05/18/2012

Has Rhonda posted in the last few days?

Rita - posted on 05/18/2012

Oh, I just saw that you own the house. This is the best case scenario -- call the cops and have him hauled away. Altho, I understand this is hard, too. You love him (well, you love the man you married and you have hopes for your relationship, and you love your kids and how will you explain this?) You need in-person support to back you up! Also, for everyone who is passing judgment on her -- STOP! -- if you haven't been there, then you have no idea what you're talking about.

Rita - posted on 05/18/2012

There is a point where it is more damaging to your kids to remain in a marriage than to get out, and this is it. It's easy to get sucked into the problems, so that your judgment is skewed. Women who haven't been in this situation don't understand. Another thing that is hard is if you don't have anyone to stand up for you and take you in. Who wants to go to a shelter and have to start life all over again by yourself?! If you lived in Nebraska, I'd take you in, in a heart beat. Try to find someone to stay with until you can get back up on your feet.

Dove - posted on 05/18/2012

6 pages of people that didn't bother to read on page 2 that she owns the house and his name isn't even on it.... So why would SHE leave?!

How are you Rhonda? I hope you've been able to keep him out and start getting some progress in keeping him away permanently! ♥

Martha - posted on 05/18/2012

Has she ever reply to one of our post to let us know what is her status. this is a circle of help and if you seek our help at least let us know those little angels are being protected. so what happen, what is your status, we can not continue just giving you advice for you to read or ignore. do something for crying out loud.

Shanda - posted on 05/18/2012

What I am going to say is harsh, but I want you to REEEEEAAAAALLLLY think about what I am telling you: ~~~~~

This is how your kids will end up in foster care, simply because you refuse to leave him. I have been a foster parent and have many years of putting in hours and certifications just to be able to take care of kids such as yours. YOU are harming your own kids by staying or "trying to make it work" and therefore can, and usually are, deemed unfit by a judge. A judge does not take chances on children's lives, so please, as a mom, don't take that chance either. ~~~~~~

If you suspect abuse, it will only get worse. You have to be strong for your children and deal with whatever may come your way once you leave him. Log and document everything you can about his behavior. Keep beer receipts, take pictures of him passed out nude, etc. YOU WILL NEED IT FOR YOUR PROTECTION! ~~~~~

I can't go into detail, but I had to leave my ex for something along the same lines, so please take heed to what myself and most of these other women are trying to tell you. ~~~~~

We are not in your exact situation and are not emotionally tied into your life, which is the best way to try to see your situation....from the outside. Emotions really screw with your perception.

Pamela - posted on 05/18/2012

As a child I was almost sexually abused several times by different people and honestly it has ruined my life and as a mother I would never want that to happen to my child due to everything I have experienced I keep a good eye on him. And there should be no excuse for your husband to be in a childs room naked what so ever. You should take your children and leave if you notice these things already how are you going to feel once something has happened to your child and you already suspected something and never did anything to prevent it. This scars people for life it happened to me as well as my mother when she was small.. Another thing you should have a talk with your children about the places that should not be touched by anybody not mommy not even daddy it better to have the talk then not have the talk..

Wendy - posted on 05/18/2012

AND some people should not judge. This is a scared woman. She needs help not people judging her!

Azalia - posted on 05/18/2012

I have been thinking of you post and here are my recommendations:
1) start by keeping a log of everything that is going on; 2) is you can take a picture of him either drunk or the evidence of his drunkness; 3) sleep with your children in one room and a phone in the other hand if he tries to enter the bedroom while you are in there with your children call the police; 4) go to the family court of your county and file an order of protection and tell them why you want the order of protection; and 5) get him out of your home for good. This is what you don't realize if you know or have an inclination that your child is being abused and you are doing nothing it is possible that your children can be removed from your care, once the court becomes involved in the case. It is best that you take all steps to remove him from your home and your childrens lives. Take care of your children and the rest will follow

Yvette - posted on 05/18/2012

I don't think you need to worry about finances st this time that baby is being abused and you know it stop the madness.

Lori - posted on 05/18/2012

Ok, I can't mince any words here. You are first and foremost A MOTHER. I understand your need to help him get better, but face the facts. He will only get better when he chooses to, and none of his issues are your fault in the least. You need to get those children away from him, you need to get away from him. Reading about how you say you know that your child is being abused and you doing nothing about it, makes you just as guilty and the person doing it. This man has a severe problem that goes way beyond drinking, and if you do not get these children out of this situation (whether they love him or not is irrelevant), then you are not fit to be a parent yourself. I am sorry if I sound insensitive, but I know all too well what these people are about and believe me when I say it doesnt get better. GET OUT AND DONT LOOK BACK!

Bo - posted on 05/18/2012

i am not one to judge.. but if i had even the slightest thought that my spouse was sexually abusing one of my kids and i DIDNT get all my kids out of that situation, i would seriously hope that someone would take all my kids away from me and him, bc obviously im not doing right by my kids...
let alone all the other horrible disgusting abusive things hes doing to you... your sons are going to grow up and think his behaviours r ok... and mimic them to their gfs....

gross...

Evelyn - posted on 05/18/2012

Are you Serious? Your Life and most important the children...Stop being in denial and get those kids away from that Man...You are responsible for those kids because you know what is going on!!!

Carissa - posted on 05/18/2012

I am going to be painfully honest here and say what all these mothers want to say. ARE YOU A FRICKEN MORON! You know your child is being sexually abused but you want to work it out with this man? Are you that selfish?! GET THE HELL out of that house! If I knew who you were I would be calling child services on you right now. How can you bring these little children into this world and not want to protect them above anything else? This man is hurting them and abusing you too. Why would you want to work it out? Some people really shouldn't have children!

Julie - posted on 05/18/2012

I left a similar situation with my ex except we were both alchoholics. I decided to get sober and he didn't. I had a small child, and she was starting to act out even though we weren't drinking around her. The stress in the house was enough. I finally left with her and a few months later he got sober. I am very lucky given the fact that he later sobered up.

I would leave immediately and get somewhere safe. Even if you have to go to a shelter situation. you HAVE to take care of yourself and your children. There is a program for family members of alchoholics called AL-Anon and they can help you learn to take care of you and your own needs and let him deal with his own crap.

You can NEVER get someone else sober. They have to find their own reason. I would immediately have your 4 year old checked out, and file for divorce. Maybe even a restraining order. I would ask for supervised visitation to ensure that he is not drunk while seeing your children. I would meet with him ONLY at a neutral location, and with someone else with you. (preferebly someone that he will not construe as a "boyfriend")

My ex refused couseling, and wouldn't go to AA either until he lost everything. While we are divorced and I have remarried and had more children, we now maintain a good relationship even with the past hurts.

At first he will be VERY pissed off. You just have to ride it out in a safe and calm manner. Setting boundries, (telling him you will hang up if he gets abusive on the phone, then hang up when he does), and not engaging in a defensive argument, or accusing him of this and that will help immensely.

My email is vettechmom1@yahoo.com if you ever need to talk.
Julie H.

Holli - posted on 05/18/2012

OMG! #1 You need to read your letter/post as if you were someone else completely detached from the situation & maybe you can get a clear perspective as it's hard to have clarity when you are smack dab in the middle of it. You absolutely 100% with out a doubt need to leave this situation & 2 years ago. You are playing with fire & your children are the greatest risk of the most damage!

Listen, we only get one chance as parents to NOT screw it up. Your children are depending on YOU to protect them & keep them safe. My motto as a parent is "1st do no harm"! You already know the clear answer & just need to muster up the courage to act on it. Your kids will thank you later for it.

Every day, hour, minute, second you continue to remain in this relationship you are doing irreversible damage to your childrens well-being. LOVE yourself enough to know that you & your children deserve better.

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed! You need to move on & upwards for the sake of you and your children. You owe NOTHING to this man & everything to you & your children.

Personally I would much rather look back once my children are grown & on their own & know that I did the right thing & everything in my power to protect them, than to look back & have a lifetime of regret knowing that I contributed to the needless breaking of their little souls.

You can't help him but you can help yourself & your children.

If you've written this letter than I believe you already know the answer!

Everything will be fine, even in times of uncertainty if you & your children are safe everything will be fine.

H

Helen - posted on 05/18/2012

This is my 3rd post here ever. What are you doing asking this question here - just leave.

You think your husband is abusing your son - leave. Is there really any other option?

Get out of your house. Take your kids. For gods sake - open your eyes - no man should wank in the room with a toddler - sleeping or not. Wake the hell up.

Do you what your children need of you - you are their mother - their protecter - leave and Now. If not for you - for the sake of your children.

Leave - no questions. Or kick him out.

And ps - its bloody sad you had to ask for advice on this - do what you should - what nature would want you to do - look after your kids.

Daniela - posted on 05/18/2012

My ex is very much like your husband. He won't change and you will be exhausted of dealing with a sick man. This situation will escalate... Sorry to be so sharp and cold about it but the only 2 options I see is intervention or divorce. If you decide for the second start collecting proof of his behavior, because you will need it in Court. My heart goes put to you. Good luck and think of your child.

Jeanne - posted on 05/18/2012

Leave now

Azalia - posted on 05/18/2012

please run do not walk away! i don't know where you live; but contact sanctuary for family. they will help you. god speed and be well. Please Leave!!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/18/2012

Hmm, Rhonda - I've read some (not all) of these posts.

You can't just lock this man out and give him an ultimatum to give up alcohol expecting any long term improvement. It just doesn't work that way.

He is abusing you and your son - you're not looking at a maybe here, you've CAUGHT him in your son's room doing something massively inappropriate, not to mention seen signs of more abuse. You need to leave to protect yourself, and more importantly, your kid.

Get to a local women's shelter where you and your kid will be safe to take the time you need to think for a long term solution. If you stand by and let this happen to your kid, who only has you to defend him, your child will grow up with severe issues. I know several people who are close to me that were abused as children, and believe me, it's not something they ever get over, often even with years of therapy. Also, let's be frank - statistically, if your man hits and beats, there's a good chance someone's going to end up dead. You might be doing your drinking husband a favor and keeping him out of jail - if you don't, when your head is clear, decide to press charges for child abuse.

Jackie - posted on 05/18/2012

Wake up. Ur son is being abused and you want to work it out. Playing with himself in your sons bedroom is not a good sign. Would you do it????????????? no I didn't think you would. LEAVE THIS MAN NOW HE IS MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD AND YOUR SONS WILL GROW UP WITH BIG PROBLEMS FROM THE ABUSE THEY ARE HAVING TO GO THROUGH. Have to be honest with you.

Letitia - posted on 05/18/2012

You know in your heart what to do thats why you have posted your question on here. Please my dear JUST DO IT now before its too late. God will find a way regarding the financial situation, HE always does. It won't be easy but it will definitely be worth it in the end. Take care. I will keep you in my prayers.

Heather - posted on 05/18/2012

WHAT!!!! You think your child is being abused and you are still there???? Get out, for your childrens sake. You don't want to be in the position that you look back and have regrets. What if your son had woken up and seen him touching himself or hitting you, they think this is then normal and acceptable behaviour. If he sees this as normal, he will do the same things when he grows up. Get out before it is too late.

Jenny - posted on 05/18/2012

You need to get out of that relationship - I am the first to tell people to patch things up and try again for their kids sake - but not when it come to emotional or physical abuse ! Nobody deserves this and the problem is not going to go away - you must have some family members out there - as remember blood runs thicker than water your family will come to the party to help you at a time like this and i am sure all you friends will too, so you must not be afraid of finances and help it WILL be there when you need it. I hope you have the strength to do it.

Tracey - posted on 05/17/2012

Please leave him xxx You will find the strength, your children need you to be strong, you can not allow this to happen to them x let alone whats happening to you x

Jessica - posted on 05/17/2012

Run as soon and as quick as you can do not keep your children around that think about how you would feel if you were your 4 year old child or think what he'll say about you when he's older cos you didn't take him away from the problem? I wouln't care how much my kids loved the man /dad/father I was with if he was anything like your husband I would be gone and I wouldn't go back no matter what! This man cannot be fixed!

Paulette - posted on 05/17/2012

I know that it must be hard for you to see this for what it really is because you are emotionally involved, but you KNOW this isn't right or you wouldn't be asking about it, and you wouldn't be having doubts and bad feelings about things. Please listen to your gut. It's really trying to tell you something. I'm sorry if this is hard to hear but you are being abused, even physically if you ask me. I don't think he should be touching you in ANY way that remotely hurts you. And if there is even an OUNCE of question that kids are being abused, please follow your gut and get away from this man. You aren't doing your kids or yourself any favors. Dads do not pass out naked in their kids' rooms. That is not ok. Please take charge of this situation before those poor babies are damaged beyond repair.

Kristy - posted on 05/17/2012

This is not ok. You and especially your children will continue to be harmed as long as he is aloud to keep harming you. He needs intense psychological and substance abuse therapy. Bad things will continue to happen and will get worse if YOU let it. I hope that you find the strength to save not only yourself but your DEFENSELESS CHILDREN. You are there protector and your husband has proven he is not ok and not interested in being ok at this current time. Please please please kick him out, change the locks and get an order of protection before he seriously hurts or kills one or all of you. Masterbating in your childs room is terrifying and it is a definate sign that if he isn't sexually abusing your kids he soon will be and that is your duty to prevent. I truly hope you help yourself and your kids before it's too late. Be a strong MAMA bear and protect your cubs!

Adriana - posted on 05/17/2012

just the fact that you think he's abusing your child is reason enough to run the hell away from him. your child's safety should be a priority!!!! what are you thinking lady!!!!

Blingblingbaby - posted on 05/17/2012

If you suspect your child or children of being sexually molested, you need to seek help and report this. Why would you want to be with a man who is abusive towards you and your children?

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2012

ok First get out! Your kids don't need to see him like that and they should never be put in a spot where abuse can occur. Second if you do want to help him reach out the the military. If he has been overseas he may have post traumatic stress disorder. Now this isn't a reason to get abusive, but he could be having a hard time adjusting to everything. My brother was in Afganistan for 9 months and came back different. He doesn't have ptsd but he isn't one to talk about what he saw. My grandfather is the same way from world war two. This isn't his pass to drink but many soldiers don't want to admit they need help as they are taught to be strong. Get in touch with who every is in your area and have him go down to talk about it. You need to be firm. I know someone who came back with ptsd. He hit is daughter over the head a few times. He didn't even know he did it till she started to cry. He just heard her yelling and it triggered a memory. I know his wife well ex now cause she couldn't deal with it, told him to either talk to someone or you will not see your kids without a court order supervised visits. It worked he got help and is getting better. Again I would take your kids out of the situation but I do ask that you help him find help if he has been to War and is suffering because of it. If not he is just a jerk!

Shelley-Ann - posted on 05/17/2012

Hi Rhonda:

This is an awful thing you're having to endure and I think you're a strong person for reaching out. Now it's time to take the next step. Even though you're asking for advice, from what you've written it's clear that your instincts are telling you what you have to do. I would suggest, like many others, that you don't have to do it alone. Family, friends, organizations for abused women and children can all help. You are not alone, and you're stronger than you think. Sometimes you have to leave in order to help the people you love. It isn't going to be easy, but you can do this.

Raquel - posted on 05/17/2012

You really need to ask if you should try and save this relationship??? Am I reading this correctly? Get the hell out while you can, if you let your child stay around that guy you are no better than he is. You are putting him in harms way. Forget saving the relationship. Save yourself and your son!

Sharon - posted on 05/17/2012

You don't have a relationship to save. If he is not willing then there's nothing you can do. The idea that you might stay for the kids is no good either. All they will see and remember is the fights and arguments. I speak from experience. I spent a lot of years with an alcoholic husband who was never physically abusive, but was verbally abusive. I was very unhappy, but didn't do anything about it other than withdraw. Well, then he used that as an excuse to cheat on me because he wanted someone "who will give me some attention" I had no self esteem left, and so even then it took me quite a while to put my foot down and ask him to leave. I finally divorced him and never looked back. 7 years later (2 years ago) he died from liver failure due to alcohol abuse. NO NO NO--he's not willing to work with you--you will survive and be better for it if you get out. Good luck--be strong!

Jill - posted on 05/17/2012

Rhonda, if you still have access to the internet, please look for a women's shelter in your area. The people that answer the crisis lines are non-judgemental and can offer you options in both planning to leave and actually leaving. They can assist you in getting to a shelter and/or finding a new place to stay while you sort out what is best for you and your children. Obviously having your children witness alcoholism, violence and possible sexual abuse is out of the question. You can make it on your own and there are alot of people that would like to help you. Please reach out to them and start by getting out of that home!

Lisa - posted on 05/17/2012

Rhonda - I keep coming back to this because I'm so concerned about your situation and the safety of your kids. I can only hope and pray that we are not getting an update because you have left and have no access to a computer or the internet. If you are not yet gone, I beg of you to listen to all of us. Get out now. You have to. Don't let this drunk pervert near your son ever again! Please, don't take your eye off the kids for a second until you are all safe. If he's not letting you leave without a fight, call the cops. Seriously, this is super urgent & we're not exaggerating about the consequences of you staying with this man & allowing him to have contact with the kids.



Praying for you, Rhonda. And, will you please post an update next time you're on here? Thanks and be brave!

Kimberly - posted on 05/17/2012

Absolutely not. Eapecially if he is not qillibg to gwt help. I stayed in a relationship like this for over 10 years and I was absolutely miserable. You need to leave for your children if not for yourself. The longer they are around this behaviour the higher the chances are of them becoming the abuser when they are older. Take it from someone who has been there. You deseeve so much better. I am remarried now to someone who treats me so great and never has to be drunk. It is amazing how good life is without all the problems
Leave before it gets worse and he truly hurts you. You cant change him. He has to want to do it himself. Good luck with your decision and god bless you. Put yourself and your children first.

Mandie - posted on 05/17/2012

Intervention! If u feel he is abusing ur son, u need to do something about
He obviously has a problem that's why he won't go AA leave he isn't
Worth having ur son scared for lfe ur children come firs.

Angela - posted on 05/17/2012

You have to protect your children. If you supect abuse then he needs to go. Even if he isn't hitting you, you are still being abused.