Erinn - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 255 moms have responded )
Erinn - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 255 moms have responded )
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Vanessa - posted on 06/03/2009
The Bible is clear that the only Biblical grounds for divorce is adultery. Love is an emotion you can fall in and out of love with your husband countless times in your marriage. But you made a covenant between God and your husband to stay together no matter what. Of course I don't know all the details of what is going on but I would encourage you to turn to God to heal your marriage He is the only one that can change y'alls hearts. This is a good teachings on marriage http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibra... we are never told that marriage will make us happy that is a lie Hollywood has taught us. Now of course we can work really hard at it and be madly in love with our husband but it wont be like that all the time. There will be joys and sorrows you just have to work it out together! I hope that helps.
Erin - posted on 06/03/2009
but I also think that a possitive roll for the children would to be let them see you've done all you could. Whether it be counseling or letting them see you pray, it will have a different affect on them and teach them not to just give up when things get tough. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for. Just communicate and try to be as honest as you can with your daughter, she looks up to her mom no matter what you may think. And dont be too hard on yourself, especially in front of your daughter.
Erin - posted on 06/03/2009
If you are being physically or mentally abused than I say NO! I stayed in an abusive relationship for 11 years and me and the children all did not benefit from it. Other than that if you are unhappy the best thing to do in my opinion is to seek counseling or if you are a christian (or not) go get the book "A Wife's prayer" by Pamela Hines and start praying for your marraige and ask others to pray for it too. If that doesnt work and you are truly unhappy then make your choice, I just feel people are too quick to divorce before looking at all of there options. :~) take it or leave it...good luck!
Rebecca - posted on 06/03/2009
I am in that same situation right now. I have a step child that has hurt my child and there have been a lot of other problems. Our home life is really bad and it's beginning to affect my health. I know I can't stay with him anymore. I've told my husband I want to move out of state to be near my family. Emotionally I'm having a hard time with what his son has done to my daughter. I'm moving in with my mom so I can get back on my feet and get a job, etc. I have been working at home as a freelance graphic designer and it just isn't stable work. My husband knows I'm very unhappy and that I feel like the break will give us an opportunity to see how we feel when we aren't together. I would agree with everyone else that it isn't in the kids best interest to see all of the arguing, etc. that a lot of couples have when there are problems. I think that the kids need to see a happy home life not an unhealthy home environment.
Karen - posted on 06/03/2009
No - definitely not. My ex-husband and I made that decision when we decided we couldn't stay together - and now, we probably get on better (most of the time!!) than we ever did
Heidi - posted on 06/03/2009
What a tough question to answer. I have to say from my personal experience it was best for me and my ex to split. No need to live with someone you can't trust at all and the kids as they get older see it. So if you can't along for the sake of the children I say split and go your seperate ways. The kids come and foremost. As long as they are safe and happy thats what matters and your own happiness will come with it. And all you can hope for in the end is that the other parent will take the time to build a relationship with the child/ children.
Lori - posted on 06/03/2009
Wow! What a hard question to answer. All situations are different. What may be simular to yours and how you handled it is and will be different to the next person and how they handled it. I had issues with my ex. Short story, he ended up moving out. Through our divorce my son at age 12 always visited him and stayed with him for the summer. My daughter was 16 and didn't spend much time with him. (now she wishes she had). My husband/soon to be ex, died of a massive heart attack at age 40! But our kids did see alot of our yelling, fights..... My kids did get mad at me for several reasons. During his move, my daughter said I should have been the one who moved out not him. I somewhat got along with him better after he moved out so I think that helped all of us. I'm sorry I can't say much more. Whos to say what may have happened if he didn't die. Good luck. :)
Krystal - posted on 06/03/2009
if you feel like you want to leave than that is telling you something honey! you need to do what is right not only for your kids but you to. When it come to it whom will they run to when things dont go they way (the kids) it will be you and you not be able to help them be happy and stay happy if your not happy your self.
Jenny - posted on 06/03/2009
I am sorry but I believe if you are unhappy why stay together. How fair is that to everyone especially your kids to have an unhappy parent and that is what they will remember.My parents stayed together for us kids and it was the worst thing in the world for me and my siblings......but as soon as the divorce happened I saw a huge change in my mom and she was happy and always in a good mood and that as a kid was wonderful to see!!!!!
Tabitha - posted on 06/03/2009
My mom and dad stayed together for the sake of us kids til I was 16, at which point I told my mom either we moved or I did. I know my mom and dad love each other even with my father being verbally abusive toward her. If it's a situation like that then yes leave, it can hurt the child(ren)'s ability to have a healthy relationship as an adult. I have 2 sisters and both have or have had abusive relationships. Please consider the emotional health of the child(ren) first. My mom and dad are living together again but at least I don't have to see how he treats her, (same-old, same-old).
Sharon - posted on 06/03/2009
No my parents stayed together for the sake of me and my sister and we lived through there arguments and fights, i split up with my husband when my children were 3 and 4 as i did not want to put them through what i went through as a child it was hard at first but now they have 2 very happy homes to go to
Adele - posted on 06/03/2009
Agree 100% with what everyone says if there are major problems get out. Although children would prefer having their parents together, but rather one happy parent and a predictable life than having to walk on egg shells
Rebecca - posted on 06/03/2009
If parents are just having problems, I highly hope they seek help to keep their marriage from failing. Both partners need to give every effort! But, if it all fails, then from experience, I say no. A child greatly deserves and needs two loving parents, but if those parents don't love each other (in their marriage) then they are only hurting their children more & not positively impacting the way their children learn about & view loving relationships! Could you be perfectly happy in a loveless marriage?? Years & years of maybe mutual respect but no real love? Not many of us would want that. Children learn how to love others by watching their parents. It sets the groundwork for their future relationships. The love & commitment between their married parents is also where children receive their sense of safety & security. There is a quote "The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother." I tried in my first marriage to stay with my ex for the sake of our daughter, and it was awful. We were both terribly unhappy, and that eventually turned into resentment. But, we did finally separate & divorce & while that was hard, we each eventually found wonderful spouses & re-married. Now my daughter has two families, is surrounded by love and while it's not perfect, it's much more stable & happier for her too.
Kelly - posted on 06/03/2009
If you are not happy then no, children can sence the tension alot more that people think, I have done it and it really messed my little girl up, it may be hard for them when you 1st split but they soon get used to it.
Trish - posted on 06/03/2009
no deffinately not, it is not good for children to grow up seeing arguments all the time and also just because you might make sure they're out of the room doesn't mean they don't know what's going on. I think you should try to make things work for the sake of the kids but if things just aren't working out then the children will be happier in the long run with you seperated
Janine - posted on 06/03/2009
i decided to leave my husband based on the fact that i didnt want to see my girls grow up thinking it was ok to be unhappy...this does not mean it has been easy though..i am a lot happier but lonelier for sure..my teenager still has trouble accepting that we are not going to be together and its been 5 years.....it took a lot of unhappy years to break it off..
Lydia - posted on 06/03/2009
Nope - never seen it work yet.
Rima - posted on 06/03/2009
I think it differs from a family to another. But most families here in Arab countries do that for the sake of their kids, but nowadays we have lots of peple getting divorced after 1-3 years of marriage with kids or without. The issue I think that people in the past were more flexible than nowa days.
Uma - posted on 06/03/2009
Yes, they should stay together and try their best to adjust, so that the kids r not affected, as it will ruin their childhood, as u r aware kids are attached both to father and mother.
Maryna - posted on 06/03/2009
I'd tried it for 11 years and the children just realised that daddy is seeing someone else and they pick up on the difference in the house,
Elizabeth - posted on 06/02/2009
Its very important as parents to set an example, I know you have probably heard this before, but its all true! I tried to work things out with my ex husband and all it did was create more problems. After a while it begins to ware on your emotions, everyone deserves to have a Happily Ever After, and your children deserve to see you in a loving and committed relationship for their emotional well being. Example.. my uncle talked to my aunt like she was his servant "woman get me a soda" and she took it, now she wonders why her daughter not only talks to her in such disrespect, but her daughter is taking abuse from her boyfriend. You should only stay together if you truely love each other and are willing to give it 100%, if not, then its time to speak to a lawyer and try to end it amicably. I told my ex he could have anything he wants out of the marriage, but my only concern was that I get 100% custody of the kids, I also told him that I wouldn't ask for a cent in child support unless he came at me for custody, and I never let the kids know what was going on and NEVER talked bad about my ex, because the kids think that if daddy is an a*hole then does that make me one too kind of thing. I really hope this helps you and anyone else in your situation! Thanks for reading.
Lindy - posted on 06/02/2009
Absolutely not. Your children deserve the right to see how a marriage should be, with mutual admiration, care, respect and ROMANCE. Many couples stay together as they feel it's best for their children but even when you are somewhat civil there is always an underlining tension that children can feel and tap into. You want your son to be a great husband and father, your daughter to be a supportive and loving wife and to know that she deserves to be respected in her relationship/marriage. Children as they become adults revert back to what they know, what they witnessed as children of their parent's marriage.
I am a mother of three sons and a daughter. I wanted my sons to understand what makes a great marriage and to know that sometimes although it doesn't work out, it's out there for them. To teach them to be real men. I want my daughter to understand that it's OK to demand all of those things I mentioned but that she is also accountable and in this day in age, she will need to be able to take care of herself and to be independent. Equally for them to not think that a marriage is just merely about tolerating each other as many couples do.
Our divorce couldn't have been a better decision. We hardly ever spoke in the last two years of our marriage and when we did fight, it was brutal. In either case, all of my children were significantly happier once I moved out with them.. They spend a majority of the time with me but almost equal time with their Father and we don't ever fight in front of them nor criticize each other in front of the kids. The result? They have thrived
Lisa - posted on 06/02/2009
Something drew you together in the first place. Love is stronger and lasts longer than the arguments and troubles that pass through a relationship. Weather your storms. They will make you stronger. Take the high road. Overcome the obstacles and use the challenges to build your character.
Marriage and family is not arbitrary, and it's not temporary. Building a life and a home together doesn't happen in a year or a decade; it's a lifetime achievement. You'll never succeed if you give up the first time you encounter a setback. The grass isn't greener on the other side anyway. Any mate you choose will have some combination of positive and negative qualities. The parent of your child/ren is the best mate for the life you chose for yourself and your kids.
Beverley - posted on 06/02/2009
I was a child of divorce when I was 16 my parents split. The thing about that was my parents fought all the time and that is all I can remember from my childhood. I honestly feel that if they had split up when I was younger it would have better. Who really knows what the best thing is, I had to grow up a lot faster because of their problems which sucked. I was a messenger between them when they wanted to ask each other questions. I was always an ear to chew on when they wanted to vent. I must say that when a couple fights in front of their children or involve the children it has more devastating effects then you can imagine.
Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009
no, children can sense tension and know when something isn't right. i think alot of people don't give them the credit they deserve when it comes to picking up on things.
Tina - posted on 06/02/2009
Statistically speaking....children whose parents fought, are still better off than children whose parents got divorced.
Personal opinion....do what it takes to make the relationship work. Make time for date nights, and find something you like to do together (away from everyday stresses).
Gisela - posted on 06/02/2009
I think that parents should act like adults in front of the kids but if they have problems that cannot be resolved they should go their seperate ways. My parents were married for 38 years for "the sake of the kids" and all they did was say hurtful things to eachother when they thought my brother and I were alseep little did they know that we always heard the fights. Take it from someone that lived through it as a child of problem parents it's not worth it!!!! You kids are going to love you no matter what! As long as you both find a common ground and are able to get along in front of the kids that is what counts.
Sharon - posted on 06/02/2009
Marriage is about the couple, not the kids. The kids are a result of the marriage. You should stay together because you're dedicated to each other and not want to cop-out your problems. You must work out your problems; kids are well-balanced with a mother AND a father. You can see society today as a whole and single parent homes are not ideal. (No offense to widows, etc.)
Lori - posted on 06/02/2009
There's an old saying if momma ain't happy no one is happy. Your kids will know if you are happy or not. It doesn't matter how civil the relationship is. Staying together for the children only brings misery to the parents and is not a good enough reason in my opinion to stay together. The children may have an adjustment period, but do better in an environment where the parents are happy.
Rachelle - posted on 06/02/2009
I say no......kids are very smart and can tell when somethings up. Plus the undercurrent of tension is never good.
Noel - posted on 06/02/2009
NO NO NO. I was in that same situation and I married the guy because I thought it was "THE BEST THING FOR THE KID" NOT TRUE AT ALL. If you don't get along and are constantly fighting, screaming, throwing things or even if it's an abusive enviornment it's not healthy for the child at all and he or she will grow up thinking that its ok to either be treated like that or to treat people like that. If you are fighting now there is no way you can live together and "be civil" in the same household for long. It's a vicious cycle and the child always ends up getting hurt in the end.
If you do split then when around each other be civil for the sake of the child and don't down talk his/her dad when hes not around, that will hurt them in the long run too.
Hope this helps.
Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009
The key to that question is should "parents" stay together. To me, you cannot be a true parent unit without love and commitment to each other. Mother and father, as individuals, yes.. but kids need to see their mom and dad together, going through life and the obstacles therein together....compromising. Silently staying together without showing love towards each other will confuse the child later.. thinking that to have and raise a kid together is done without love between mom and dad. If it's not going to work out... make it work seperately. This, for some reason, is difficult to really give my reasons. I, personally got married to my first husband while I was pregnant....for the baby. Needless to say, it wasn't worth the heartache of the divorce later.
Jenni - posted on 06/02/2009
i guess if you want ur children to grow up and believe it's normal to be unhappy, then yes...
secondly, children are smarter than we give them credit for... on some level they will feel the tension in the house and that does not make for a happy secure environment to grow up in...
i think of myself growing up in a home with parents who were unhappy together and i would rather grow up in seperate homes with parents who were happy...
if you are unhappy how do you fake being happy for ur children?
how do you lie to ur children and convince them ur happy?
that's the big one though... ur lying to ur children by staying together with someone ur not in love with or unhappy with... it's not as though ur going to tell them unhappy if you stay together... then they will think it's their fault you're unhappy... and if you dont tell them then ur lying to them and a huge lie at that... you risk having adult children who resent you...
i do believe you should try to work ur problems out... but if ur generally unhappy it's best not to continue a fasade... although a divorce is hard for children... lying to them and having them grow up in an unhappy home will be much harder on them... it may even leave them with the impression that it is normal to be unhappy in a relationship... do you want ur children to learn from you to stay in a relationship even if they are unhappy?
Denise - posted on 06/02/2009
You don't want to give your children the wrong idea of how love and marriage is supose to be.
Brenda - posted on 06/02/2009
NO!!! If your in a unhealthy relationship then the kids are not benefiiting. They will see it and learn the behaviors of what your showing them.
PAM - posted on 06/02/2009
I was married for 10 years. When my husband and I seperated, it was the best thing for each of us and for our 2 boys. They could sense the tension in the house daily. And it wasn't fair to them, Kids are very resiliant. You will be suprised.
Tamina - posted on 06/02/2009
I say No you shouldn't stay together if your not getting along its not good for the child/children I don't no your situation but I myself left when my daughter was just over 2years old because my husband and I wasn't getting along and he put me down right in frount of her it was a bad situation and I new it was not good or healthy for her to be around and how couldn't be happier been 7m and we will be divorced on July 22 can't wait!!!!!
Angela - posted on 06/02/2009
No. I've seen it in my own life and though it may be hard at the time, I thing it's better in the long run. Children imitate what they see. If they see parents who don't love each other and fight, or accept things they shouldn't, they will repeat the pattern in their own life. Some just think it's normal and others can't help it. The behavior is ingrained.
I think it's better for a child to see 2 happy homes, than 1 unhappy home.
Jill - posted on 06/02/2009
If the parents don't get along and are unhappy, it makes an unhappy household, and adds more stress. If that's the only reason for staying together, I wouldn't.
Makala - posted on 06/02/2009
Should parents stay together for the sake of the children??
i don't think that you should stay in a bad relationship because of the kids the kids don't need to see what goes on between you and there father it will be hard being a single mom but you can do it no child needs to around all that best of luck
Carrie - posted on 06/02/2009
If things arent working out between both of you then you shouldnt. All you have to do is stay nice and calm infront of the kids and get along. Then when you arent together make sure that if any questions about the other person comes up to make it into a positive even if it's negative. This way you can make it easier for you two to get along in front of the kids.
Hayley - posted on 06/02/2009
as a single mother i know now that staying together just because of the kids isnt healthy for everyone each parent is unhappy and children pick up on that so being separated each is happy and the kids see that their parents are happy thats better then staying together under tension
Melinda - posted on 06/02/2009
I simply say No they shouldn't
Martine - posted on 06/02/2009
Definitely not! If you are not happy in a relationship, get out of it. The children will understand the breakup eventually instead of staying and making their lives miserable.
Karolina - posted on 06/02/2009
Children will be thankful if parents safe them from safer.
PARENTS DON T THINK THAT , IF YOU STAY IN "HELL MARRIAGE", THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL LOVE YOU MORE.
SAFE YOUR KINDS AND SAFE YOURSELF, ADULTS ARE RESPOSIBILE FOR LITTLE .
User - posted on 06/02/2009
People should settle that before they get married, seems to me the vows say until death do us part. People get married without any real thought of what it means. Too many marriages are hormonally based. If their is abuse, separation is definately needed; otherwise councilling should be saught. Divorce does happen, but to think that children suffer less with divorce over a bad marriage needs to look at the our children today. Sometimes divorce is the only way to go, especially if their is sexual infadelity. But a person is still torn apart no matter the decision.
Becky - posted on 06/02/2009
No it's that simple if the parents dont love each other anymore and still living together it's not gonna work. You wanna do whats best for your kids dont live with each other kids can still grow up happy if Mum and Dad dont live together if you do it right and be nice to each other and dont say bad things about each other in front of the kids.
Alyson - posted on 06/02/2009
Definately not, you'll be living a miserable life and the kids will suffer too! End it as best you can try to stay friendly as the kids will know if you hate each other and it will lead to a better relationship between you all. Hope this helps.
Leneisa - posted on 06/02/2009
I would say No because children can sense tension. Who really want to stay in a home that is not happy.
Jeanne - posted on 06/02/2009
Definitely NOT!!! It's better for you to split up and remain civil then stay together and resent each other and fight all the time. Kids need stability and they can sense hostility and it's not a good environment for kids to have to see their parents walking on eggshells with each other all the time. It's better for them to have two stable homes than one filled with tension and hate.