Should we get her a dolly?

Debbie - posted on 10/24/2011 ( 208 moms have responded )

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I have a 1 year old girl and she has two brothers age 2 and 3. the thing is she plays with her brothers toys which are unisex or very boys toys. She loves to play with the cars. My mother has said I must buy her a dolly for christmas. My husband has said lets wait till she asks for one, but I'm not sure what to do. The boys only got cars when someone gave us their old ones. Tabitha doesn't even like playing with the teddy bears that we have. My mum said it's wrong not to give her girly toys and that she will think that she's a boy. I do put her in dress'. so what I'm asking is do we get her one now or wait till she asks for one?

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Toni - posted on 10/24/2011

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Your over thinking this....She is only one yrs old, she would probably play with a dog toy if it looked interesting.

Krista - posted on 10/24/2011

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@Sharlene: why does she need to play with girly stuff? The kid is only 1. Let her play with what she likes.

To the OP: your husband is on the right track. Don't force it on her. If she's having fun playing with cars and whatnot, then what on earth is the harm? If your daughter doesn't even enjoy playing with teddy bears, then she's probably not going to be interested in a doll, either, and it'll just be a waste of money.

Your mother is being very silly -- there is MUCH more to being a boy or a girl than what toys we play with. Goodness, if it was THAT easy to change gender identity, we could hand transsexuals an item that fits the stereotype of their external gender, and POOF! They'd be cured!

Besides, if your mother's so keen on her having a doll, then let HER buy the damn doll. And you can spend your money on something your daughter will actually enjoy.

Krista - posted on 10/25/2011

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The kids will ultimately play with what they like, not what their parents think is "Politically correct". Just let them be kids and stop worrying.



That goes both ways, though.



The kids will ultimately play with what they like, not what their parents think are appropriate "girl toys" or "boy toys". So just let them be kids and stop worrying.



I guess what I (and some others here) are trying to say is that when we call some toys "girl toys" or "boy toys", we are sending a message to our kids.



If my little boy picked up a doll at daycare, and his sitter took it away from him and said, "No, Sam. That's a girl toy", then what is that telling him? It's telling him that nurturing a baby is for girls, not boys. If I had a daughter, and she wanted a toy tool set for Christmas, but in the store it's under a big sign that says, "Boys' Toys", then what is that telling her? It's telling her that being handy and working with tools is for boys, not girls.



When I argue against labeling toys like that, it's not because I'm trying to be politically correct. It's because I do NOT like society telling little boys that they're not supposed to nurture a baby, or cook a meal, or sweep a floor. And I do NOT like society telling little girls that they're not supposed to be interested in cars, or tools, or sports.



I have seen SO many threads here on COM from women bitching and moaning because their husbands won't do any housework, or because their husbands won't help with the baby. Gee, you wonder why that happens? It's because our society has TRAINED men to be that way. It's because our society is only NOW starting to get away from telling boys that childcare and cleaning are "woman's work".



This isn't about political correctness, people. This is about helping our kids grow into well-rounded people who can do what interests them without worrying about whether it's "masculine" or "feminine" enough. I want my kids to be capable. I want my son AND my (theoretical future) daughter to know how to use a power drill and to change a flat tire. And I want my son AND my daughter to know how to cuddle a baby when he cries and how to do laundry and how to cook a roast chicken.



And I'm going to start while they're young.

JuLeah - posted on 10/24/2011

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Your boys ought to have dolls too - dolls are good for many things, as are cars.

Bonnie - posted on 10/24/2011

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You can buy her a doll and let her decide what to do with it.

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208 Comments

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Kirsti - posted on 10/31/2011

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When i was younger i had 3 brothers,one is 2 yrs older than me the other one is 1yr younger and the youngest is 7yrs younger than me.I had girls toys but i also liked playing with cars and i have a niece who is 3 yrs old in december and she has cars as well as girls toys so you can get her a dolly now and she will have fun playing with it but i would'nt worry if she likes playing with cars as well. And as for your mum i would'nt take much notice as tabitha is your child at the end of the day so it is up to you wether you buy tabitha girls toys.

Helen - posted on 10/31/2011

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My daughter (3) spent much of the first two years playing with boys and therefore 'boy' toys. As she's got older, she has started mixing more with girls through change of childcare and she plays with a whole range of toys. I find it interesting that she plays with cars but in a different way to the boys - they smash and race the cars whilst she has conversations between them. Kids evolve their own style of play irrespective of what toys they are given. My DD has a baby cot full of dolls who never get a look in as she plays all the time with a hand painted ceramic teddy bear. Take her to the toy shop and see which aisle stops her in her tracks - that's what you buy her!

Natalie - posted on 10/31/2011

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I think you are making an issue out of nothing. Buy her the doll she might never ask for one but if she had one she might love it. My daughter has an older brother and likes playing with his toys. I have bought her dolls and she plays with them rarely but either way it is no big deal. Just let her be herself and stop worrying about it xx

Kaye - posted on 10/31/2011

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Hi Debbie,
Don't worry about it. My daughter is just over 3 and has only played with her doll a handful of times, she got it for her 3rd birthday. All her other dolls, she hasn't shown much interest in at all. If your mother is that worried , then may I suggest she buys her one? I too was the second child with an older brother, like my two children, and I spent most of my time playing with trucks and boys toys. My dolls still look like brand new, that was how little I played with them LOL. My daughter loves the hot wheels cars we buy her and her brother. She definately won't think she is a boy. Heck I can't even get my girl in a dress !!! Good Luck

Tara - posted on 10/31/2011

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Jenni, there is nothing wrong with a tomboy! I myself was a tomboy.
Your little girl will know she is a little girl. there is no mistaking that! as I posted earlier, show her a doll she can interact with, if she doesnt want it, dont get it. Dont force her to play with dolls if she doesnt want to..

Sandy Greatgrandmother - posted on 10/31/2011

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Debbie I would most definately get her a dolly for Christmas, all little girls shouls be able to relate to her own baby doll. Hope this helps regards Sandy

Jenni - posted on 10/30/2011

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i would get her a soft body one that she can cuddly up to in bed it is important that she relise that she is a girl otherwise u might end up having a tomboy for a daughter dolls r very important if u r a girl. Our very first foster child had never had a doll until she came to live with us at the age of 11 yrs she had missed out it is very important to give her a doll for xmas maybe but u need to do it for her sake.

Carol - posted on 10/30/2011

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I'm just laughing here at the different ways kids will play with toys. When my grandson was a little under a year, he was playing with my daughter's pink "pink pony." His dad looked at him, shook his head and just started saying, "Ok, play with the . . .pink . . . . .horse . . ." and his words trailed off. Another time, when my husband was in the hospital my son brought in a picture our grandson had colored - rabbits - a few of them pink. Again, as before, he shook his head as he handed it to his dad he said something like, "Kyle colored this for you. Pink rabbits . . . but that's what he wanted. . . I don't get it." Years later I'm still silently laughing at this. At that age, nothing like that meant anything. Colors were just colors!

Tammy - posted on 10/30/2011

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I'm just thinking that it probably wasn't tough to buy the boys their cars so why would you hold out on your girl. Not her fault she's the 3rd LOL:)

Nicole - posted on 10/30/2011

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my daughter was in the same situation, her grandmother brought her a doll for her first birthday but it sat in the toybox it wasnt till her second birthday when we got her another doll that she became interested in them now this doll must go everywhere and her brothers cant touch it lol

Maricela - posted on 10/30/2011

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How about flipping the situation around for a second. If you had two older girls and one younger boy would your husband have answered "let's wait until he asks for cars and trucks because our son just loves playing dolls and dress up with his sisters." Maybe not. It sure doesn't hurt to buy her one doll for Christmas to let her decide if she wants to play with it. My daughter is 6 and a girly girl, but she doesn't care much for dolls. She does like having them to look at but she prefers dress up with her plush friends. I will tell you the Barbies are usually the first toys she gives to Goodwill.

Tashawa - posted on 10/30/2011

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You r so over thinking this it's ok for her to play with a boy toy I've played with My brothers toys and I'm just fine but yes get her a doll and some lil girls her age to play with she will be ok. LOVE BEING A MOM

Freya - posted on 10/30/2011

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Hi Debbie,
I know exactly where you are coming from. My daughter was born into a house full of boy toys, and I wondered the same things as you. What happened with my daughter was that when she was around 18months old, we went to a a big store that had all sorts of toys in it. Sophia could walk then, and she found herself her toy doll that she refused to put down, so I bought it for her. I really don't think you have to worry. Your daughter is still young. When she is better able to move herself around, take her toy shopping shopping. If she wants a doll, she will choose one! If she doesn't, it really isn't an issue - not all girls are maternal!

Betty - posted on 10/30/2011

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I have a 4yr old daughter and 3yr old step daughter, I got my daughter both " girls" and "boys" toys when she was a baby. I also bought my friends little boy a boy doll when he was a few months old. I think both girls and boys should have both to play with as they please.

Shelley - posted on 10/30/2011

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When my oldest was a toddler, I was taking Child Psych in college. The class said we condition our children to conform to our sex by the clothes they wear, toys we give to play and how we treat them/what we expect. We watched a film documenting an extreme of this showing how a family expected the girls to be passive, submissive, and expected to care for their family and home while the boys were expected to be the protectors and providers, more outgoing, etc. Being very independent, it scared me and I was very conscience to even out the toys with not only girl stuff, but, also some toys typical for boys. I'd not worry about it now. My youngest daughter loves baby dolls (I never had an interest to play with them as a child) and with so many around, my grand-daughter loves them also. I didn't buy my grand-daughter one of her own until about 18 months old when she nearly jumped out of the shopping cart and said "baby" when she saw one on the store shelf. My youngest daughter found 2 beanie babies in a drawer and she carried those around before having an interest in baby dolls :)

[deleted account]

I had to read my girl a story and put her to bed but I wanted to finish my train of thought. Obviously, Little girls don't HAVE to have a baby and boys don't HAVE to have a car etc. But, the play with a baby doll is totally different than with cars, trucks, blocks, action figures etc. To me it is positively precious. My 13 month old got a baby for her birthday and the first thing she did was give it a bottle. She also kisses them on the head like I do when I am snuggling with her and giving her a bottle. I kiss her and tell her how much I love her. Baby dolls are not teddy bears Neither of my girls play with the stuffed animals like they do the dolls. I would hate for you to miss out on this kind of nurturing play with your little one just to rebel against your being "annoying" mom that is telling you she HAS to have dolls or girly toys and your MUST buy her one. Really? How annoying. However, . If this is the kind of toy you would like for her, get it. If not, let your mom buy her one. Either way. Dolls are fun too. However, I wouldn't expect her to ask for one on her own. She is only one. I bought my friends little boy a stroller because he wouldn't stop playing with it when he was at my house on playdates. They also bought him a doll for the same reason. He loves them. Bottom line dolls are great toys too. Good luck.

Brenda - posted on 10/30/2011

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Wait until she ask for one or wait until she is older...She is only one...She plays with what she sees her brothers play with...

Tara - posted on 10/30/2011

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I say to heck with the gender bias! I have a little boy who was pushing around a doll and stroller in daycare.. I just hope he is that caring when he gets older and has kids :) I say let her play with the cars! As for it being "wrong" to not give her "girly" toys, its not, and she WILL NOT mistake herself for a boy. Promise!!! If she doesnt play with the bears, she may not play with the doll. Perhaps bring her to the store and show her some baby dolls that she can feed, to satisfy your mothers request. If she doesnt show interest, dont force her to have one :)

Rebecca - posted on 10/30/2011

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When I got a doll my brother got one too. Get them all one... I had cars and I had dools and I played in the dirt and climed trees skate boarded and had barbies... Give he the best from both worlds and she'll make up her own mind later. Just my 2 cents...

Carol - posted on 10/30/2011

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If it comes down to a point of sexual identity, my feeling is that the sex of the child should be respected when giving or allowing them their toys. In other words, a girl should have acces to girl toys as a matter of principle, although she should not be forced to play with them. I am not saying a girl should be denied boy toys. Boys should not be denied boy toys and given only dolls and kiddie kitchens instead.

Susan - posted on 10/30/2011

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Hi Debbie; I too had a girl after having two boys, and I also worried about her playing with cars and toy guns( this was over 40 years ago when I a toy gun was thought of differently). She would only wear dresses, still does, and we did buy her dolls and feminine toys. She could always hold her own with the boys, no matter what they were playing with, but she always had her own time to play with her dolls, and be a little princess. She has always been very feminine. I decided that she did indeed need to know she was a girl, but she made her own choices as to what she wanted to play with. I have a movie of her sitting on a 'play horse' with a gubelt on, with her white fuzzy topped boots, pink jacket and fuzzy white hat, and she was yelling at her brothers because they wouldn't give her her doll.
My thoughts are you should offer her both girls and boys toys and let her decide what she wants to play with.
Good luck Debbie.
Susan
p.s. That daughter is also on this site, she's a grandmother now, still can hold her own. Yea Kate!

Jeannine - posted on 10/30/2011

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I have two girls. The first loved her dolls from the very first. She got one for her first birthday & she still sleeps with him (age 6) & she continues to roll play with all of them (she has been given quite a few as gifts.) She started role playing with them all pretty much from the get-go. She feeds them, dresses them, reads to them, etc. Her little sister, on the other hand, even with the example of her big sister, pretty much doesn't care to play with them at all. She likes teddy bears but prefers to play with blocks, legos, stacking toys, and little people buses, farm, etc. Each kid is different. My oldest is very attached to her "kids" as she refers to them. I don't know how I would have ever kept that away from her. But her little sister could really care less.

SHERRY - posted on 10/30/2011

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Yes all little girls love dolls how about my first cabbage patch? that one would be great

Carol - posted on 10/30/2011

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I don't think you should deprive your daughter of girl toys, nor should you deprive your sons of boy toys although boys for some reason have a knack of making boy toys out of nothing. Sticks become swords and guns (whether you like it or not) and rocks become bombs or other destructive things). It's a little harder for a girl to make ordinary things into dolls if that's what they want. I wouldn't deprive my sons cars and other things that are considered traditionally boy's things. What's the point? Why do it with girls?

Linda - posted on 10/30/2011

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A child will play with whatever toys are available. I got my granddaughter a baby doll when she was 1 1/2. She loves playing with her baby as much as she likes playing with cars and trucks and the boy toys. We have plenty of both here. The boys also like playing with the play kitchen as well as she likes playing with the play workbench. If you bring her to the toy store and show her the dolls, watch her reaction. She will read your reaction before she has her own to see how you feel about dolls and girl toys.

[deleted account]

I don't agree with the age two part just because my 1 year old (13 months) loves playing with dolls. She feeds them with a spoon, give them a bottle and hugs them, puts them in a stroller and pushes them and puts them in their carrier and carries them around. She already roll plays. Each child is different but some definitely roll play way before two years old.

Kathleen - posted on 10/30/2011

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we have 3 boys (11, 6, and 4) and a 2 year old daughter. I bought her dolls, but she only played with them sporadically until I starting arranging for her to play with other little girls. I think it's good to expose them to both. My daughter will play with the boys with their cars and action figures, but really seems to enjoy playing with the dolls and the kitchen set with her female friends. Good luck

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2011

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My twin girls have truck, vans, legos, blocks some are uni-sex colored but some are 'girly' colors. They have girl and boy dolls, stuffed animals, puzzles, etc. The thought I see alot of people posting is that the girl should ask, but what i don't understand is how can she ask when these toys are not available at her house to choose from?

Jody - posted on 10/30/2011

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Danielle attacked me for telling the original posting to get the girl a doll!! That is the topic at hand!! The grandma thought her grand daughter needed a doll and i aggreed in the post!! I wasnt trying to be sexist!!

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2011

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********Mod Warning**********

Can we please stay on topic and refrain from personal attacks.

Michelle.
WtCoM Mod

Nicole - posted on 10/30/2011

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Get her one, it might spark her interest! Doesnt hurt to try. Does she ask for any specific toy?

Lynn - posted on 10/30/2011

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I have two girls and both of them LOVE playing with cars. I LOVED playing with them. Think about it we(parents) drive cars so why should it be wrong to play with them? My girls have dolls and Barbie doll houses. But you put those in a room with cars, they will play with the cars every time. Also your little girls sees her brothers playing with boy toys so of course she is going to want to play with those too. You could get her an inexpensive baby doll that does a few things just to see if she likes it. I don't think my girls got dolls until they were about 2 or so. Or better yet give her a barbie car so she can push it around. 1 years old is too young to worry about stuff like that. She probably doesn't like a teddy bear because it does nothing. Give her one that makes noise or something and I bet she will like it. Good luck. hope this helps.

Jody - posted on 10/30/2011

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Wd u want ur only option to be boy stuff?? The boys have their stuff!! Why not the lil girl have hers???

Jody - posted on 10/30/2011

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OK!! U didnt read anything i posted!! I said i know BOYS from my childhood that had dolls--That wasnot stereotypical!! SEcondly the topic is about a DOLL!! Her mom wanted her granddaughter to get a Doll, she didnt mention any other toy!! The Question was a bout a DOLLY!!

Rita - posted on 10/30/2011

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I'm surprised the boys don't have some dolls to share with her. All my grandsons have had dolls. (One has a Barbie but most preferred baby dolls). We all love to nurture, or should. Yes, by all means get her a doll, and don't be surprised when her brothers want to play with it. Let them. Teddie and other stuffed animals also.

Susan - posted on 10/30/2011

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I totally agree with Toni! I think if youwant to buy her something for Christmas a doll would be totally appropriate!

Danielle - posted on 10/30/2011

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Jody Watts--Ok, I do agree that her daughter needs toys of her own, but it does NOT have to be a doll. Really?? Way to be EXTREMELY stereotypical. Just because she's a girl does NOT mean she has to have dolls & "girly" things.

Carol - posted on 10/30/2011

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I think, the bottom line is, "Why not and what can it hurt?" But if your mom is going to push the issue WITH HER once she gets it and try to force it on her, I'd keep it at home with you. The last thing you want is to have her dig her heels in on anything in the future. Kids start learning right away. ;-)

Jennifer - posted on 10/30/2011

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I bought my son's infant dolls, and find it weird that with the baby coming that you didn't get your boys some! LOL With my boys, I was like, 'the daddy changes and feeds the baby this way, while mommy takes a nap.' I am slightly kidding, but I think if your kids have 'loving' play toys, they will be ok, but a doll or two won't hurt. The reason my son got a doll instead of a bear was because the doll came with a bottle and spoon, diapers, etc. He threw the doll down, and fed his Elmo. But he got the idea. Just like your little ones will.

Jody - posted on 10/30/2011

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Shes a girl!! Buy her girl things!!! If money is the issue then ask ur mother to get it!! I cdnt imagine a lil girl without a doll!! Only makes sense!! Dolls are great for both sexes!! I had childhood male friends that turned out to be very masculine, infact one is a mechanic now!!! he had a cabage patch!! In ur situation sense ur not real wild about the idea, u can get a very inexpensive doll at walmart for maybe $5.00!! At one she is not too picky yet!!! Trust me my daughter is really spoiled and in pre K she wdnt wear clothes unless she picked them out !! But just slowly introduce her to the doll aspect!! Ppl dnt always realize it but action figures are also considered dolls!! Bottomline, get that lil girl a doll!! She deserves it!! Shes a girl!! If i had extra money i wd send yall a cute cabbbage patch!! I am not a girly person but she deserves atleast a toy of her own!! She will value it more!! I dnt care how old she is!! If she knows its her she will apppreciate it!! My daughter had her own toys and will get her own baby clothes one day when she grows up and out on her own!! Its her clothesnot another childs!! Dnt get me wrong sharing is great it teaches them to share but she needs atleast one of her own toys!!

Rohini - posted on 10/30/2011

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Buy her a doll - but wait until she's two. Starting from age 2 onwards children start to role play and pretend play and a dolly or two is the perfect prop. Just bring her a doll and let her play with it however she likes, dont make a huge deal of it and let your boys play with the dolly if they want to.

CJ - posted on 10/30/2011

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She's only 1, my daughter didn't start to really get into her dolls until she was at least a year and a half. I'd wait until she at least starts to show an interest in dolls, do you maybe have a friend who has a girl that she could see her dolls and see if she shows any interest in playing with them. Keep in mind though that not every girl likes playing with dolls, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Don't push her to like what you or anyone else thinks she should like, or she may push away from those types of things just because they're being forced on her.

Nikki - posted on 10/30/2011

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My daughter has unisex toys but she also has dolls, she did not start playing with dolls till she was about 3 but they were always there, now she loves her dolls.

Donna - posted on 10/30/2011

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I would get her a doll. She is still a little young to play dressing up a doll but she will likely love one. If you only bought toys that kids asked for they would be missing out on a lot of fun stuff.

Karen - posted on 10/30/2011

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sure why not they will all benifit from playing with it .i really believe there is no boy or girl toysthey will play with what they are in the mood for even if its a box or your pots and pans....good luck

Jill - posted on 10/30/2011

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buy her a doll..... I am surprised she doesn't already have one. My daughter plays with boy toys and any toy really. She loves dinasors, etc. but girls love dolls. a baby she can take care of. She mimicks mommy. Sorry but I just find this a very odd question. At my baby shower I received 2 of "my first dolly" oh well, thats just me. LOL

Emma - posted on 10/30/2011

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I don't see the need if shes not interested in a teddy whats going to say she will play with a doll? My boy is 3 and he plays more of girl toys than boys. he has a doll, pram, cleaning ect... i did buy him cars when he was younger but had no interest. i then waited until he asked for a car/truck... a child will let you know when they are ready for something :)

Dolores - posted on 10/30/2011

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My daughter is 12 and still a tom boy. She did play with dolls but prefered the cars and footballs. You have to let her be who she wants to be. Get her a doll, but if she wants cars get her those too. Each child is an individual and they have to be allowed to be so.

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