Should we get her a dolly?

Amy - posted on 10/25/2011

are dolls now politically incorrect? what is bad about a baby doll? is it wrong for a boy to explore his 'nurturing' side and play with a doll too? I just don't understand why this is an issue.
My two year old daughter started playing with baby dolls right around one year old, and she loves them, feeds them, changes diapers (or pretends to), rocks them in the cradle and generally loves them. Get her a doll! I got her an $8 doll at Big Lots and she loves it.

Pat - posted on 10/25/2011

I say buy the doll. You never know the boys might like it too. I have three boys and we had what would be considered boy and girl toys. That way they decided what to play with I didn't. When they were young they played with all the toys by 6 or 7 yo they were mostly playing with boy toys - Pat

Jackie - posted on 10/25/2011

Take her to the toy store and see what she would like for Christmas - it may be that she wants one and has just never been exposed to them. My girls did not play with dolls when they were little - but now we have so many (they are 6 & 8) - she will play with what she is exposed too - so some girl toys are great if she wants them!

Julie - posted on 10/25/2011

I have to boys and my daughter. (my boys are older then my daughter). My children are grown now, but when they where little my daughter use to play with the boys toys, she grew up to be just fine she is 20yrs old going to college and is boy crazy...lol. Also my youngest son played barbies with my daughter as well and he turned out fine also. He lives on his own and holds down a full time job and has a girlfriend. I wouldn't be to worried about getting your daughter a dolly right away.

Shona - posted on 10/25/2011

I have a 3 year old girl (and pregnant with number two) and she has never really been interested in her dolly. She likes pushing the buggy round but thats about it - she's happier with lego all day every day. Leave her be to just be and she will soon enough ask for toys that she wants when she plays with them at playgroup/friends houses or wherever else she may see other toys that arent in your house. I think with 3 kids you have enough on your plate without creating things to worry about. If your Mum feels so strongly about it, why doesnt she buy your daughter a dolly?!

Diana - posted on 10/25/2011

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting her a doll. If she likes it, she will play with it; if she doesn't she won't. You never know if you end up seeing one of the boys picking it up and playing with it instead which is also totally ok & perfectly normal. If the some of the dads at daycare only new how many times I came in the room to pick up my daughters & saw their sons in tutu's & dresses. LOL. Regardless of the gender sometimes little kids just like imitating what their parent do and if they see mommy & daddy hugging & feeding their siblings they may want to do the same to their baby doll...it doesn't matter if they are boys or girls. That dolly may end up riding a lot of trucks and cars and playing construction. LOL.

Melissa - posted on 10/25/2011

My daughter is 4. We've made a conscious effort not to shower her with "girly" toys. We have always presented her with gender neutral toys and let her choose her own likes/dislikes based on what she really is interested in, not what society dictates she SHOULD like. Besides, I am actively trying to avoid creating a little "princess". Girls with a wide range of interests who can interact well with both their male and female counterparts tend to have a better chance at succeeding (in my experience). So why force the "girl" role on her. Leave all her options open and let her choose her likes/dislikes. My daughter has always been way more interested in cars and trains and balls, than stuffed animals and dolls. And we love it. She's tough and fearless. Both qualities we value in big kids and adults (even if it does make a preschooler's mommy a little nervous)! We just had her birthday party, and invited friends from preschool for the first time. Of course, some of the girls brought princesses and dolls as gifts. We let her choose what she wanted to keep to play with and what she wanted to exchange. I was surprised by some of her choices, but it was her choice. It's her birthday and they are her gifts! So don't worry, she will have an opportunity to choose dolls if she likes, either as a gift from someone else, or when she plays with them at a friends house. If she likes them, she will certainly let you know! I applaud parents who let their children develop their own personalities. Your daughter is not going to think she's a boy. That's just silly, a relic of your mother's generation talking. By the way, despite being tough and fearless, and LOVING cars, trains and balls, my daughter ABSOLUTELY has a girly side, and she did choose to keep about half of the "girly" presents she got. We think she is the perfect blend of a girly-girl and a "tomboy". It's fun to watch her grow into her own sense of self, and we can only hope she will continue to be herself, and not what society dictates she should be!

Kim - posted on 10/25/2011

My son had a dolly when he was 2 or so, my husband didn't like it, but my son liked to play with it occasionally. We got my daughter one for her first birthday. She didn't play with it much but it gave her the opportunity to play with it if she wanted. She is about to turn 3 and her favorite thing is her babies. She has about 10 now, although some are her baby sisters. It's cute because I'll catch my son 5, and daughters 3, 22 months playing house together taking care of their babies...I was the same way when I was younger. My mom used to buy me real baby stuff for my dolls bc it was before they started making kid baby cribs and strollers. Just because she plays with dolls doesn't mean she'll be girly and want frilly things. I played with dolls everyday for a very long time and I was the biggest tomboy!

Emily - posted on 10/25/2011

I have twin boy and girl, and they have a variety of toys they share, both boy and girl. They are 2, and I find both like the boy toys and the girl toys, and I'm not terribly concerned about it. I love the fact my daughter plays with his tools and cars and such, and my son is adorable when he puts his "baby" in a blanket and tucks him in to bed. Kids imaginations are wonderful, and they will make what they want from whatever toys are around. That being said, your daugther having a doll might be fun, and it might be nice for her to have something that is very "hers", either now or in a little while. My daughter liked her dolls around your little girl's age (especially the one we had with a soother!), but didn't really roll-play with them or play with them as I remember playing with dolls. She toted with her sometimes, but that was really it. Now that she is a bit older, however, my daughter is very into putting her babies to sleep, giving them soothers, taking them out in her grocery cart, etc. It's adorable. However, as much as she loves them now, I don't know that she would have ever thought to ask for one. Maybe get her one soft cuddly one that has clothes that are easy to come off and put on with a toy bottle/pacifier/crib/something else she can relate to, and see how that goes. She may not love it at this age, or it may be her new best friend :)

Lara - posted on 10/25/2011

At one, she is most likely just getting into playing with toys. I provide my kids with a variety of toys that foster their development. My son has a doll and some bears along with boy toys, blocks, and puzzles. My daughter is girley, but also has a car or two (granted they are pink :-)). As she gets older and is exposed to a variety of different play things, her interests will broaden. Try getting her involved in a play group where the parents take turns hosting play dates at their homes. Don't feel obligated to buy her everything that captivates her interest. Novelty makes for fun playdate. I agree with the person who suggested your mom buy the doll. If she loves it, great. If not, maybe she will in a year or two. Kids go through phases and their interests change often. Hold on to it and introduce it again at different intervals or display it in her room. Best wishes to you.

Krista - posted on 10/25/2011

The kids will ultimately play with what they like, not what their parents think is "Politically correct". Just let them be kids and stop worrying.



That goes both ways, though.



The kids will ultimately play with what they like, not what their parents think are appropriate "girl toys" or "boy toys". So just let them be kids and stop worrying.



I guess what I (and some others here) are trying to say is that when we call some toys "girl toys" or "boy toys", we are sending a message to our kids.



If my little boy picked up a doll at daycare, and his sitter took it away from him and said, "No, Sam. That's a girl toy", then what is that telling him? It's telling him that nurturing a baby is for girls, not boys. If I had a daughter, and she wanted a toy tool set for Christmas, but in the store it's under a big sign that says, "Boys' Toys", then what is that telling her? It's telling her that being handy and working with tools is for boys, not girls.



When I argue against labeling toys like that, it's not because I'm trying to be politically correct. It's because I do NOT like society telling little boys that they're not supposed to nurture a baby, or cook a meal, or sweep a floor. And I do NOT like society telling little girls that they're not supposed to be interested in cars, or tools, or sports.



I have seen SO many threads here on COM from women bitching and moaning because their husbands won't do any housework, or because their husbands won't help with the baby. Gee, you wonder why that happens? It's because our society has TRAINED men to be that way. It's because our society is only NOW starting to get away from telling boys that childcare and cleaning are "woman's work".



This isn't about political correctness, people. This is about helping our kids grow into well-rounded people who can do what interests them without worrying about whether it's "masculine" or "feminine" enough. I want my kids to be capable. I want my son AND my (theoretical future) daughter to know how to use a power drill and to change a flat tire. And I want my son AND my daughter to know how to cuddle a baby when he cries and how to do laundry and how to cook a roast chicken.



And I'm going to start while they're young.

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2011

I don't see the big deal about what toys any child should play with. My youngest is a girl and has 2 older brothers and spends lots of time playing lego and cars. In fact, she is saving her pocket money at the moment to buy the Lego Police Station (that's right, a 6 year old girl who isn't saving for Barbie or a doll or some *girly* toy).



Anyway, I was just going to comment on this "My mother has said I must buy her a dolly for christmas."



Seriously? Tell HER to buy her a damn doll for Christmas if she is so hell bent on the fact she has to have one. If she isn't prepared to buy it for her, then she can keep her mouth shut and butt out, because that makes it none of her business!!!!

Cheryl - posted on 10/25/2011

Buy her a doll. she may play with it she may not. She may wait 6 months before she plays with it. My daughter plays with whatever is around. She also goes thru phases where she prefers one toy to another. No harm in having one around.

Debbie - posted on 10/25/2011

Let put something stright My kids can play with what they like. If the boys want to play with dolls they can, Tabitha wants to play with cars she can. It was more to do with the fact that as we don't have any dollys my mother said I had to buy her one because she was a girl and she was (is) making me feel bad for not getting her one.My two year loves the kitchen set we have and its bright pink and i got it for him as he loved playing with a friend's.Tabitha when at friends will go for a car instead of a doll. My mother is getting her one for christmas and if any of the kids want another one, they can ask for one and if we have the money they can have one. I would also like to add that we were given the first cars the boys had so we didn't get them cars just because they were boys.

Bell - posted on 10/25/2011

I think you must wait till she asks for one. There's nothing wrong with that she plays with her brothers toys. As a child i found boystoys more interesting than dolls.

Ellen - posted on 10/25/2011

I have a two year old girl. For her first Birthday she was given a soft doll and a pushchair. She loves it she also has a little people Car park with cars and often plays with boys toys at friends houses. I think it good to give all children different gender toys to play with. Buy her a doll if she doesnt like it at the moment she will at some point.

Medic - posted on 10/24/2011

This brings back memories of last christmas (my daughter turned 1 in January) my mom could only talk of getting my daughter a doll. She has played with her brothers toys her whole life, they have a kitchen set and house toys and cars and trucks and trains. Well my mom saved all the dolls I got as a child because I never played with them, I agreed to let her gift them to my daughter and we would see what happened. Well almost a year later my daughter loves her "babies" and takes one everywhere although her "BABY" isn't even a doll...its a snuggly with a frog on it that goes absolutely everywhere. My son also plays with the dolls so its really up to you. Actually my son taught my daughter what to do with them.

Leslie - posted on 10/24/2011

Get her a dolly, why not. She'll probably play with the cars and the boys will play with the doll..LOL. She is not caring at 1 years old if she is a boy or girl..she has tons of time to care about what other think (think pre-pubescent teenagers)..let her be..but hey if you want to give her a doll then so be it..just don't force it on her.

Jessi - posted on 10/24/2011

My kids are also 3, 2, and 1. The oldest is a boy and the younger 2 are girls. We bought the 2 year old several dolls and she still would rather play with cars and her stuffed animals. So now we stopped buying dolls (wasting money) and we just buy her "girl" cars! There are a few from the Cars movies: Sally, Holley, Flo... She loves them and she knows they are girl cars and they are hers! The 1 year old girl just wants what everybody else has:) So for her 1st birthday we got her the Cozy Coupe Car (red/yellow) and she LOVES it!!
There will not be anymore dolls purchased in this house until someone asks for them!!

Clare - posted on 10/24/2011

What are "unisex" toys and what planet do you live on. She is 12 months old for goodness sake. What's your problem with buying her a doll. What is wrong with girls having girls toys and boys having boys toys. What absolute nonsense that children have Unisex toys. The kids will ultimately play with what they like, not what their parents think is "Politically correct". Just let them be kids and stop worrying.

Miranda - posted on 10/24/2011

I say take her to the store and show her some dollies. Let her hold on to see if she likes them. My daughtered giggled so much about this one dolly I bought it for her right away. Her brother didnt let her play with it much he took most of her toys. She is one I dont think it is a big deal for her now. My daughter wanted to play whatever brother had at the time even though she had girly stuff. As she got older she asked for things.

Marie - posted on 10/24/2011

Why not make her happpy and your mum, and get her Malibu Barbie I think she's called, and she comes with a car. Problem solved.

Alexandria - posted on 10/24/2011

I have long fought against the idea of boy toys and girl toys. I am a mother of six beautiful daughters (no no boys) and have always believed that there is nothing wrong with them playing with "boy" toys ie hot wheels army men etc. My older three grew up playing with whatever toys they wanted (and we could afford). Those toys ranged from hot wheels to barbie dolls. My younger three have well over 300 hot wheels that they love playing with as well as tons of baby dolls and stuffed animals. Let your daughter form her own personality you can go ahead and buy her a doll but do it because you want her to have one not because of grandma. You can even buy the boys some dolls there is nothing wrong with them playing with so-called girl toys. Make sure whatever you decide to get it is age appropriate and safe for your daughter to play with. Btw when my 3yr old was one her favorite toys were her daddy's tools and her hot wheels now she wants to play with her dolls, kitchen center, daddy's tools and cars. Introduce the dolls to her but don't force her to play with them she will decide what she wants and one day may surprise you when she wants a brand new Tinkerbell doll for her Birthday.

Vanessa - posted on 10/24/2011

My daughter just turned 3, she was out first and for some reason she liked to play with cars. We bought her dolls and teddy bears but she did not play with them. We buy her both dolls and cars, she does not ask for dolls she always ask for more boy toys. However like I said she just turned 3 and she really just started to play with her dolls. I do not think there is anything worng with her playing with her brothers toys but I would buy a doll or 2 just to have them around. One day she will start playing with them especially if they are there for her to choose.

Shae - posted on 10/24/2011

Wait till she asks for one. There isn't a point in getting it for her if she's just going to throw it in her toy box and never seeing it again...

Jodie - posted on 10/24/2011

No worries Krista! Apology accepted.
I dont have a problem with boys playing with dolls or girls playing with cars or trucks, but think it is also good to have dolls around if you have girls.

Peggy - posted on 10/24/2011

My granddaughter is 2 1/2 and just lately started playing with her "babies." She loves tractors, wagons, trucks, and is definitely an outdoor girl. She loves to "make" us tea with her tea set and cook for us now. She never asked for any of her toys. They were given as gifts and she GREW into them.

Krista - posted on 10/24/2011

My apologies if I mis-read you, Jodie. But the way you talked about a girl needing girly things, and then asked if she's want her boy playing with dolls all the time...well, it certainly SOUNDED like you were hung up on gender roles when it comes to toys. But, if that's not what you meant, then I retract my question.

Jodie - posted on 10/24/2011

Firstly Krista I didnt say that there was a problem with boys playing with dolls, and I have 6 children eldest being 16.5 and my youngest being 3.5 so I do know what they like to play with then and now. So try reading what I posted earlier and u will see that I did write there is nothing wrong with her playing with her brothers toys but I was more so interested if the sexes were the other way around would she have just gone out and got her son a car or truck or would she have asked for advise.

Sharlene - posted on 10/24/2011

And I played with cars,trucks and my bmx bike when i was little , the daughter can play with anything she likes but or I said try to teach how to play with dollies and girlie stuff if she wants. Im not saying boys should do males role playing with toys and girls should do role playing like girls ,If think your the one that is making a issue out off this .

Jenny - posted on 10/24/2011

My daughter didn't know there was any such thing as girl toys and boy toys. She had and still has cars, trucks and tractors. She also has a kitchen set and dolls. She liked playing with both and still does. She climbs trees and plays in the sand. One day when she was little she was at a friends house when she first heard the terms girls toys and boys toys. When she got home she asked me. I told her that at our house we do not have boy toys and girl toys we have everybody toys. I also explained that boy toys were considered to be her trucks, trains and tractors and girl toys were considered her dolls, dress up and kitchen set. I also gave her the choice of which she would like play with. She said that she would like to have everybody toys. I think that by not having separate toys for boys and separate toys for girls is a good thing. It teaches boys and girls to be more rounded and caring individuals.

Sylvia - posted on 10/24/2011

Nothing wrong with getting her a doll. Many kids love to play with dolls. OTOH, if she's not interested in stuffed animals she may not be very interested in a doll either. Tough to tell.

Does your community have a toy library? We had one at our local community centre where we lived when DD was small, and it was great for trying out toys that might turn out to be fascinating or might be total duds.

If your mom reeeeaalllly feels that your DD *must* have a dolly, tell her she's welcome to buy one -- and to get some for your sons too while she's at it! I think 1 is extremely young to be worrying about girl vs. boy toys (if you're going to worry about them at all, which frankly I wouldn't bother to if I were you!).

Stacey - posted on 10/24/2011

Dolls are how little girls, and boys as well, learn to be gentle and nurturing. We have always taught all of our kids to be soft with our daughters dolls, not to throw them or color on them. My daughter is 7 and was given her first doll at 6 months. When she received her doll she hugged her and hugged her. She still carries around that doll and is very gentle with her and her other dolls as well. Trucks are great for all kids but you need a balance to teach them other emotions and feelings.

Krista - posted on 10/24/2011

@Jodie: What's wrong with boys playing with dolls?

@Sharlene: " I said was give her a dolly to learn to play like alittle girl,"

So, please tell us, then. What does a little girl play like? As you've read here, there are plenty of women who were once little girls, who played with cars, or trucks, or cat toys, or what-have-you.

Jeez people...welcome to the present day. Have a seat, you're going to be here for awhile.

By insisting upon categorizing toys as "boys" toys and "girls" toys, you know what you're doing? You're raising children to believe that some roles are just for girls and some roles are just for boys. And you know what arises out of that? Men who won't change a damned diaper, and a girl who doesn't dare touch a power drill.

Nothing wrong with buying the kid a doll. And if she likes it, great. But if she doesn't, that says NOTHING about her female-ness. Let kids like what they like. It's as simple as that. Why do we grownups have to make it so damned complicated by ascribing all kinds of bullshit gender roles to what is nothing more than hunks of manufactured plastic?

Karen - posted on 10/24/2011

Sure I would get her a couple of dolls. I would probably wait on the actual Barbies till maybe 2 or even 3. I have 2 girls ages 4 and 5....they love barbies and I started buying for them when they were 2.
I think the new Barbie is rather cool. Very Much upto date with today's society, Not saying our children will dress like that. My girls know the difference between play World and the real world.

Jodie - posted on 10/24/2011

Hi Debbie,
Yes I would go and buy he a doll maybe one that comes with a bottle. If she still wants to play with her brothers toys after she has a doll nothing wrong with it. But being a little girl she does need girly things. Or you could think of it this way. If you had to girls that were 2 and 3 and a 1 year boy would you want him playing with dolls all the time.

Melissa - posted on 10/24/2011

My daughter has only just got into dollies now and she is 3 and a half, but my little boy who is 21mths loves the baby dolls and walks around the house cuddling them and saying shhhhhhh sleep, so very much depends on the child, they are all very individual so just go with what they like at the time!!!!

Teresa - posted on 10/24/2011

I hated dresses and hated being a girl, but I still played w/ dolls til I was 12. ;)

~Jennifer - posted on 10/24/2011

If she wants 'girlie stuff' she'll ask for it. She's too young to know the difference between (society's vision of) 'girl' or 'boy' toys.
relax.

Jennifer - posted on 10/24/2011

It's simple. Does she want a dolly? If not don't get her one it would be a waste of money. Support her interests!

I was a tomboy who never played with dolls, hated dresses and was very aware that I was a girl. I'm a grown heterosexual women now with two little girls who did play with dolls when they were younger.

Crystal - posted on 10/24/2011

Wow. If the choice of toy determines the sex of the child...then my daughter is going to turn into a cat! She loves the cats toys more than her own most of the time! Seriously though, let her play with whatever she finds interesting. She's only 1! My 3y/o loves everything, dolls, trains, dinosaurs, bracelets, cars, barbies, airplanes...the list could go on forever. I don't see what the big deal is Girls vs. Boys toys?! Give a child a toy & they'll more than likely play with it :-)

Laura - posted on 10/24/2011

All girls should get a doll for Christmas.

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2011

They say dolls are a great way for 1 yr olds to develope social skills.

Liz - posted on 10/24/2011

Sure, why not give her a doll for Christmas. Your boys should have dolls too. They're wonderful toys for pretend play.

But she MUST have one or she'll think she's a boy? That's just insane.

Kelina - posted on 10/24/2011

Debbie I know the feeling! My mom used to make me feel like that all the time when my son was little, i actually made her cry once because i refused to put a bib on my son. and it was my birthday! It was actuallly a track record birthday lol because i told my dad he wasn;t allowed to see me or my son until he sobered up and started acting like a grownup and made my mom cry over the bib thing lol

Sharlene - posted on 10/24/2011

Kirsta . the mother has saked for opinions on wherateh she should giver her a doll, everyone;s got there own opinion here and or I said was give her a dolly to learn to play like alittle girl, she can still play with her brother's toys or even with a toy dog,kids always seem to have enjoyment with what ever they have in front of them either it' a toy or even a card board box. Yes I do live in the 21 century LMFAO

Debbie - posted on 10/24/2011

thank you for all for taking the time to reply. I think I will tell My mother that if she wants her to have a doll that bad she can buy it for her. At the moment she likes what her big brothers like. Come to think of it My mum used to buy me lots of dolls and all I every wanted was a train set. Thank you. Some times my mum makes me feel like I'm being a bad parent if I don't do things her way, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks it doesn't matter if she has one or not at her age.

Lori - posted on 10/24/2011

This is not a life or death question- at 1 yrs old she would not even know to ask for a doll if she has not been exposed to them. Of course get her a doll- see if she likes it - if not, don't buy her anymore. She plays with the cars because those are available to her and they can be fun too. Dolls can be very inexpensive, you can get her the Barbie kind or the baby doll kind( I recommend baby doll) but I don't see why this is such a difficult decision for you. If your husband is against it for some strange reason, have your mom get her on for Christmas- problem solved.

@Krista-she has not had a doll to even see if she likes it- expose her to may things and let her pick what she likes to play with. I did not play with stuffed animals but I loved to play babydoll and house. Barbie dolls were OK and sometimes I played Hot Wheels with my brothers.

JuLeah - posted on 10/24/2011

Your boys ought to have dolls too - dolls are good for many things, as are cars.

Teresa - posted on 10/24/2011

Nothing wrong w/ buying her a doll. I bought both 'girl' and 'boy' (though I hate assigning toys a gender) stuff for my twin girls until they started expressing a preference.



If not for buying my son 'boy' stuff... he'd only be playing w/ 'girl' stuff cuz he's got 2 big sisters. I still bought HIM his own doll at 9 months (it was Christmas) though. At 3.5 he plays w/ it all.



Toys shouldn't have gender, so if it was MY house.... the boys would've already HAD some 'girl' toys to play w/... they're little. They don't care as long as it's fun for them. ;)