Should we tell his ex we're marrying?

Tiara - posted on 07/04/2012 ( 222 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend of over a year and I are officially getting married. He has a three-year-old daughter with whom he spends as much time as his ex will allow him as possible and her and I have a great relationship. My question is should we inform the ex we're getting married before we go public with the information?

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Jodi - posted on 07/06/2012

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Does your boyfriend want to continue to see his daughter as often as permitted? If so, he should be up front with his ex and tell her you two are getting married. It seems he does not have an order mandating that contact, therefore, the only way to keep that up is to have his ex permit that contact.
You are all adults, all you have to do is act like adults and tell the truth - you and he are getting married, and you thought she should hear it from you both before she heard it from someone else. It's called respect, for yourselves and for the mother of his daughter.

Linda - posted on 07/06/2012

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Of course you should. He has a child with her and that child will be envolved in all your lives linking you all together for a very long time. If all the Grown-Ups will be kind and considerate to one another, it will make you and your family much happier.

Laurie - posted on 07/06/2012

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You don't mention having a bad relationship with the ex, so if there's no reason NOT to tell her first, I would go ahead and tell her just as you would tell family or close friends.

Carol - posted on 07/06/2012

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It would probably be a positive thing to do to keep things on a respectful level.

Dove - posted on 07/06/2012

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That would be the respectable thing to do considering this impacts the child and she is the child's mother. My ex told the kids first.... AFTER he was married. @@

Kerry-Lee - posted on 07/06/2012

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I think it would be wise to let her know. I was on the opposite side of your problem, but unfortunately did not have a good relationship with my ex or his new partner (mainly due to the fact that she was 'the other party' in our break up) and they didn't tell me or my (his) his kids and although I couldn't care it did hurt the kids.

Good luck!

YANAIS - posted on 07/06/2012

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It's not that you have to or want to but she is the mother of hia child so she should know.

Georgetta - posted on 07/06/2012

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Yes, tell the ex first. Then maybe all three of you can sit down and talk with the daughter, if she has not been told already. Yes, It is not her business what you and your future husband do, but it is her business about any and all realtionship that affect her daughter.

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I would say yes, as both of you get on well together. Also it would be better coming from the pair of you, rather than from someone else. Also as your partner's daughter has regular contact as well, it would be the best way of doing it.

Also an additional thought, if you were looking into your partner's daughter being a possible brides maid, then it would be useful to keep her Mum in the loop.

Lisa - posted on 07/05/2012

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He has a child with this person. She's going to be a part of his life for the REST of his life. Yes, you should tell her you're getting married. Because if you DO get married, she's going to be a part of YOUR life forever as well.



If things go well, you will be seeing this woman at the child's graduations and wedding. Not to mention sharing grandchildren with her someday. Why not start off on the right foot?

Monica - posted on 07/05/2012

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Since you will always have to maintain some sort of relationship with the ex because of the child, it would be the courteous thing to do.

Maria - posted on 07/05/2012

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I agree that it would be courteous to tell the ex, especially with a child involved. The girl is only 3 and may have questions that mom will have to respond to. She shouldn't be blindsided. You said you had a great relationship with the ex, which is terrific. It's best to keep it that way!

Sara - posted on 07/05/2012

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Yes, you should tell her. She has a right to know that her daughter is getting a step mom. And if you have a great relationship theres no reason not to tell her. IF she was the type to start trouble I would say no, but since shes not, then tell her.
Are you going to invite her to the wedding?? If its not going to be ackward for all of you it might be nice to have her help with the little one. :)

Melodie - posted on 07/05/2012

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I would tell her first, otherwise she may wind up feeling hurt and then who knows.

Tina - posted on 07/05/2012

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yes i would probably wont like the news anyway but better to hear it from you guys then until after everyone else already knows. If there was no child. I'd obviously say don't worry about her. But there is a child so just for common courtesy let her know.

Jodi - posted on 07/05/2012

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I think perhaps you should mention it to her, because she's going to find out through her daughter anyway, she might appreciate being told. It certainly isn't necessarily her business, but I think from a courtesy perspective it would be appropriate.

Sharlene - posted on 07/05/2012

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It's really no business of the ex what you guys do and if you have a great relationship with his daughter .She's the only person that matters. good luck

Louise - posted on 07/05/2012

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I think if you have a great relationship then yes she should be told first before it is common knowledge it is only polite. It would be hard on her to hear it from anybody else.

Stifler's - posted on 07/05/2012

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Probably get him to mention it to her before you tell everyone/send out announcements.

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