Sibling Jealousy and acting out

Christine - posted on 01/23/2012

Omg, I am in the exact same place.. I have a 5 yr old girl, and our son turned 1, she loves him, but said today she wished we didn't have him, I lost it, said to her, how would you feel if I said that about you? Obvious reaction.. She has been acting out, being naughty, ignoring me when I ask her not to do something, have to say things several times before she listens, and at that point I am almost yelling.. I told her today that I can't do it anymore and just started to cry.. its very overwhelming.. I am a stay at home mom and I know she is missing me, with the new baby its hard to give her the same time she had before, I could use some help too I think!!

Tara - posted on 07/12/2010

thanks for the advice. Kailey is now 4 1/2 and she was really good with her brother up until now. Maybe it is the fact that he is more mobile now and getting into her things and getting more attention at times than her. And with him being mobile, he goes everywhere she does and it seems like we are always yelling at her. I will really work on giving her special attention and doing special things with her. Maybe I could take her to get her nails done and go out for icecream! I definitely need to plan some special days with her. Thanks everyone!

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2010

I involved my first daughter as much as I possibly could with my second, although she was only 2. She helped feed her sister (once she was on a bottle and then solids, as both girls were breast fed initially), pick her clothes and help dress her, gently rock her to sleep, help push the pram when we went out, read stories to her. When I breast fed I would ensure I had an arm free to cuddle my eldest if she wanted to sit with us, etc, etc. I would also sit on the floor and play with my eldest while the baby was awake and sitting in her bouncy chair with us. Although the baby wasn't that interested in what we were doing it seemed that we were all doing it together as I would be talking to both.

I always asked my eldest if she would like to help mummy do things like "feed your sister", etc and, obviously, I always supervised her when she did. If she didn't want to as she was busy doing something else then I would leave her doing what she was doing. When she did help I made her feel like a "big girl" for doing so and, when she didn't, I made her feel like a "big girl" for behaving while I saw to her sister.

When the baby was asleep then it was one on one time with my eldest. It didn't stop me from doing things like horrid household chores as she would enjoy helping me with some of those.

It seemed to work as there really never has been a great deal of jealousy between my girls and now they do things together all the time, with or without me. They do argue, as I think most siblings do, but generally they get on really well. They even praise each other with great enthusiasm when they get a certificate from school!

I'm now pregnant with my 3rd child and hope it works the same way.

I hope you can sort out the problem. Good luck.

Robyn - posted on 07/12/2010

How would you like to share your partner with a new woman in his life. lol.
This is how your daugther is probably feeling and we often just to expect them to be thrilled with the situation.
I often wonder how they often cope as well as they do. At 10 months your son may now be making himself felt by getting into her things. Remember the rule that sharing with her brother does not mean having to give up what she has while she is in middle of using it but only when she is finished. It is important that you daughter see you as fair. So even if your son rolls over and takes something you need to show her that this is not OK and you respect her right to use something until she is finished and then give it too him if he is OK. Make the time when he is asleep special you and her time and worry about housework etc at another time.
Do not accept unacceptable behaviour from her but remember to be fair and consistent. 3 is also the age when she is developing her independence so these behaviours can appear even without the presence of her brother. In the Weekends take some time to spend with her. This is also time for her to spend special time with her Dad if that is possible.
Just keep to the consistent fair path and this phase will pass and a new and equally challenging one will arrive. :0)

Amber - posted on 07/11/2010

I haven't gone through this yet. I'm currently pregnant with my second child. My oldest is a girl, and is 5 years old, this one is a boy. Mine also skipped terrible twos, in fact she missed the "terrible threes" as well. Always been a pretty good kid. I've heard stories of only children having to deal with becoming an older sibling, the acting out, etc. I was always told it's because the child feels as if attention is being taken from them or they feel left out. Knowing this, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I've tried to do things that I'm hoping counteract the jealousy and misbehaving before it starts. I allowed her to pick out the names before we found out if it was a boy or girl..she goes to doctor appointments with me...and when I babysit, she helps change diapers and feeds them to prepare for her baby brother. All these things I do in hopes to show her that she's just as much a part of this. Seeing as when I divorced, we allowed our daughter to decide where she wants to live, she doesn't live with me. I'm not sure if this is going to help or hurt when the baby is born with the misbehaving. The most I can say is give your daughter a bit more 1 on 1 time if you can, or try to include her in the daily activities of taking care of her brother and see if that helps. And let me know if it does so I know if I'm on the right track myself in preparing my oldest for her little brother. :D

Erin - posted on 07/11/2010

This was like looking through a window into my life! My oldest also great through age 2 and then my husband says the day he turned 3 it all went down hill! We had his brother 2 mos after his 3rd bday and when Jakob turned 7 mos. he started crawling and cruising came shortly there after...so he gets into EVERYTHING! He is going to be 10 mos old on the 17th and OMG! The things Derrick does to him make me want to hurt him sometimes! Just yesterday he put a rubbermade tub over him and caged him up like he was a zoo animal... We'll take stuff from Jake and Derrick will give him another, did this with whole strawberries that Jakob just got taken from because he choked on it, so Derrick gives him the top of one he's just eaten part of :( I'd love to tell you what you could do to fix this, but I'm right in the middle of my own mess as well!

I suppose we should both just be consistant, give them 1 on 1 time, praise praise praise when they do great things, are nice to their younger brothers, etc...

GOOD LUCK! I'll be praying for the both of us! I'm sure we'll need it!!!