SINGLE MOM, SON 9MONTHS AND PREGNANT WITH QUADS!

Debbie - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 104 moms have responded )

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Hi my oldest child is only 9months old me and his dad split up a couple of weeks ago after finding out i was pregnant again! The only trouble is that i have found out i am pregnant with quads! I don't know how i will cope with 5children under the age of 2! Would it be best to abort these babies? Or do i keep them and try it alone i have no one around me so very worried i will not cope and lose not only these bubbas but my son as well! Please help I'm so lost on what to do!

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Meghan - posted on 07/04/2010

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I want to believe this is a serious post but I am having a hard time with it! I know I am going to get heat for this but spontaneous conception of quadruplets is rare...odds at 1 in 571,787. Multiple Births Canada (MBC) estimates that 90% of quadruplet pregnancies are the result of fertility assistance. So did you use fertility treatment??

Kathy - posted on 06/30/2010

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Believe me, with all the people on this site, we could all pull together and help you out with donations of clothing and such. I don't know where you live, but I'm sure there are people in your community that when they find out your situation will back you 100 percent in any way they can!
As Cora stated in her statement above, whatever decision you make, do so knowing you can sleep at night. It is your decision only. No one else should influence you in any way.
Please keep us updated if you do continue to need help for your children/child. May God Bless you during this time.

Amanda - posted on 07/03/2010

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Lets get real woman, 4 children in one womb, can cause many issues. Heart, weight, eye sight, hearing. This woman is going to be on bed rest soon, with a child under a year to keep care by herself. This isnt even possible! Second you all keep suggesting money help, but are you going to watch 4 out of 5 while a sick one is in the hospital, or at a doctors appointment? Is it you whos going to be waking up every 15-30 minutes a night as all 4 babies decide to feed at different times? Is it going to be you who is changing diapers every 15-30 minutes? Are you going to be her extra arm, when 3 babies are crying for food, one is crying for a diaper change, and the older one is whining because all he wants is his mother to pay attention to him again. REALITY people, this woman doesnt just need help with diapers and forumla, she needs a network of people that arent going to leave in 4 months because they can no longer take the stress.



Look into selective reduction, or start looking for mommy helpers, and nannies (sometimes if you have a ill child the government will pay for these things, but I hope all your children are born healthy).

Katherine - posted on 07/05/2010

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Com's does not condone or promote ANY kind of donations. If you are offering donations you do so at your own risk. Circle of Mom's is not responsible for any fraudulant claims.

Katherine
Administrator

[deleted account]

Is it just me or does this not sound unreal? I'm hoping Debbie Mc Dean can get back to us and answer whether or not she was using fertility treatments? As Meghan stated before, "spontaneous conception of quadruplets is rare...odds at 1 in 571,787. Multiple Births Canada (MBC) estimates that 90% of quadruplet pregnancies are the result of fertility assistance. So did you use fertility treatment??"

Debbie, where art thou?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

104 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 07/06/2010

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Ladies, I am actually going to lock this thread. If the OP wants to reopen it, she will need to contact the Admin or a moderator to have this done.

Thank you
Jodi Adams
WtCoM Moderator

Cassie - posted on 07/06/2010

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tough situation.....just follow your heat and your strength....its incredible how amazing us women are!....you can do it

Jade - posted on 07/06/2010

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well she has not replied since we started thinking it was fake...so im guessing its fake. What a time waster, and to think i felt sorry for her. Sad sad woman.

Bethany - posted on 07/06/2010

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Only you know what is right in your heart. Having one on your own can be a challenge. There are so many couples out there that can't share their love with a child because for some reason they just can't have one. Adoption is the best place to be able to fulfill that for them. Open adoption would most likely be the best so the babies can get to together and play and not lose their bond. JMO

[deleted account]

I, too, tend to think this may be a hoax (or a bid for attention, or a sick joke to see how many "suckers" are on here). BUT, just in case it isn't and this happens to be a VERY RARE case, I will also offer some advice.

If your church has basically shunned you, I would look into changing churches. I don't know what denomination you are, nor do I know if you worship in a Christian church, but if you are I would highly recommend looking into the Methodist Church. We are a Christian church and we are the ONLY church that is FULLY ACCEPTING of ALL people. We welcome single mothers, teen mothers, homosexual people, former gang members, literally everyone. My dad is the pastor at the Methodist Church in my hometown and I have practiced there my whole life. Then, in college, I researched other religions as well (at my dad's urging to make sure I was truly happy) and I chose to stay with the Methodist Church because I like them best. Please, PLEASE go to them if you really truly need some help. The church tries its hardest to help ALL those in need and I know you will not be turned away if your need is true.

I really truly (and honestly) hope the op is a hoax, because I would hate to know someone is suffering that much, BUT if it's not please know I am praying for you and hoping all turns out to the best possible way.

Dawn - posted on 07/05/2010

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I agree with some of the others find another church. Also CareNet is known nationally. They help counsel women with unplanned pregnancies. They will also help with clothing, bedding, some medical and so much more. Abortionand adoption are very hard and personal descisions. Your son is probably picking up on the stress and the fact that daddy is not there anymore. Get some counseling and I know it sounds impossible but try relax a little. My prayers are with you.

Suzanne - posted on 07/05/2010

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when i had my girls (only twins, not quads) i was given loads of helpful information about a group called TAMBA not sure if your from uk or not but this may help with information xx

[deleted account]

I so thought this was a fake post too,so if many of us are thinking it is ,were probably right.My first reactions or feelings about things etc are never wrong so far.LOL ...I rather it be a fake than have this women in the pickle shes in.:-)

Lete' Sohacki - posted on 07/05/2010

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I'm really sorry to you have to go through this. I can't imagine the fear you might be feeling. I think you should find families that want to adopt. Event if its seperate family at least they will be raised effeciantly.

Meghan - posted on 07/05/2010

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@ Mel
while I hear what you are saying and agree to a certain degree, single unmarried people need help too. If this is a true post and she didn't go through invetro and her marriage had NO signs of going this direction before hand she does need some serious help! And there are government programs set up for this sort of thing for a reason.

April - posted on 07/05/2010

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you will be surprised once the babies are born and you'll see that people will want to help! neighbors old and young...people you don't even know too.

also...the tiniest bit of help really goes a long way. my baby has a friend who is 8 years old (he's 1). she comes over everyday to play with him. when she is playing with him, i am able to do things like dishes and getting dinner started.

also...if you find the right church...the parishioners will probably create an around the clock schedule where they take turns feeding your babies/diapering them...etc...

Mel - posted on 07/05/2010

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go ahead and take advantage of the government. everyone else does! it is only us "working poor" mother that are actually married and make "too" much money to get any help.

Jade - posted on 07/05/2010

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I too thought this might be a fake post...i hope in a way that it is and if it is then you should be ashamed for wasting so many ppls time.

Nicole - posted on 07/05/2010

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I did have the same thought-that this might be a "scam" post, but left my advice anyway. To be honest, it would be nice if it were NOT true...for any prospective folks involved!

Sandra - posted on 07/05/2010

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this is an unbelievable situation that you now find yourself in. I am a single mom of 3, my husband left me when I was 6 mnth pregnant with my 3rd baby. I have to admit that it is hard to have 3 young children, all under 5, but I am not sorry one day that I have my kids. My youngest is the most wonderful, happy baby and you would never believe how stressful my pregnancy was. I know my situation is no where yours, but I trust you will consider all your options including adoption before abortion. I am applying to be a kangaroo mom and I know the joy of families who adopt. Hang in there and know that there are people out there praying for you and your little ones.
Kind regards
Sandra

Hazel - posted on 07/05/2010

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Omg hun i feel 4 u i really do i wud probs be thinking the same if i was in ur shoes!! its hard coping with 1 child on ur own,let alone 5!! i really hope u decide wats best 4 u hun and uve got 2 think about the son u have now,good luck x

Jenee - posted on 07/05/2010

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Dana I agree completely with you. I agree that this doesn't sound true. For one the account is barley an account. No pictures, No anything. For all we know its a made up account and all of this is a joke. It has been seen before. Seriously the odds of it happening are so high. I will believe when I see a U/S picture with a name on it that matches the account. he chance of having natural quadruplets is 1 in 730,000.

Emma - posted on 07/05/2010

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i agree what other mums have said its up to you what you do its your body and only you no if you will cope, wow from 1 to 4

Debbi (Grammy) - posted on 07/04/2010

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A great gift to adoptive parents would be the quads. A tough choice for you to put them up for adoption, but from what you have said in your post, you are not equipped to care for 5 under 2 all alone. Good luck to you.

Karen - posted on 07/04/2010

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just breathe... one day at a time.. these babies have been given to you for a reason. You just are not privy to it yet. I am mum to 5 kids, of ranging ages, but it still is not easy. You do not always cope, but you get by, because you have to. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen to pieces... the last 16 months have been the hardest, I got confirmation that my husband of over 20years was having an affair. I was 7 months pregnant with our last child.... My world was TOTALLY SHATTERED!!! still is fractured, all this time later, he is still here, I have not kicked him out as I have no total proof that anything physical happened, but found a text he sent her saying that he had "cried himself to sleep over her, and he loved her, no matter what".... so what do you make out of that???? my baby has been sick for 5 months and in hospital once, life is not easy, you just have to do the best you can with what you have, and seek assistance from every possible source.good luck to you.P.S. make the mongrel partner PAY through the nose!!

Kelly - posted on 07/04/2010

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wow, first i would like to say CONGRATULATIONS!. its definately your decision, but maybe have a look around the community first before making a definate decision...there are playgroups, mothers groups etc mothers help lines etc...but in saying this nothing will help u if you are on your own at home...i'm sorry for u that you have to make this decision, it must be very very difficult. maybe u could talk about it with your doctor or community nurse????

Stacy - posted on 07/04/2010

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Wow! Congrats! I am hoping that you have family/friends around you that will support you in anything that you decide! I do hope and pray you decide to keep these babies, because what a blessing that is that has been given to you! Please try to stay positive for your lil' man - and those that are growing inside you - and know that it will all work itself out. :) As far as the man goes, I hope he figures out what an idiot he is being and knows that his right place is with you - or just trust with everything in you that a new, better man is on his way to you!! I myself would not be able to make the choice to abort the babies. If it was mother nature's (God's) choice for you to miscarry - that would be a different subject. I just know that I could not live with myself if I made that kind of choice! Please seek out help - its out there - and there are lots of ppl who will help those being blessed with multiples! :) I hope you keep us updated!! God Bless you - and all those babies!

Donna - posted on 07/04/2010

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WOW !!! I feel for you in mixed ways. You are so lucky to be "blessed" with so many children when there are so many people who want but can't have them. On the other hand - what a predicament .....
Most posts all say the same thing - people will donate etc etc BUT only a couple have touched on the real issues.
It is not only monetory things that are needed here - the pregnancy to start with is going to be very difficult. I had twins and by 26 weeks could not be on me feet for more than 1/2 hour - they were born at 29 weeks & 4 days and then spent 6 weeks in hospital. This was a very hard time considering I also had 4 older children to tend to , but with help from family & friends we got through it. Just thinking of you having to do it alone makes me wonder how the hell you WILL. If you didnt have another child then that would be all well & good , but who is going to look after him when you need to be on bed rest , if the babies are ill after they are born etc etc.
And as a previous post stated , what about when you are trying to feed , change , tend to a baby and 1 (or even more) of the other 4 need the same ???
Having said all that , I think that abortion is your choice and your choice only !!! Not an option I would take , but I am not in your shoes. Although I would HOPE that you would be able to get the help you need & not have to go that road ......
FIRST and foremost , you need to find out if you can get some assistance with looking after your 1st child WHILE PREGNANT with the quads. Respite care , in home care - something that will see you through the pregnancy (are you able to move closer to family before the pregnancy is too far along ?)
THEN worry about coping after the babies are born. And again , you will need HANDS ON help more than anything. Donations of food / formula , nappies & clothing are great but you also need to be able to manage using those items .......
IF you are able to get through the pregnancy - FANTASTIC !!! Once the babies are born will be when you need to make the next decision - how to cope. I cant imagine going through the whole pregnancy then adopting. I think it would be quite different with 4 compared to 1. BUT , open adoptions sound great and are a way for you to be sure the babies get the attention & care they need but still be able to have contact with them. Or is it possible for you to see how you go ? You will need HANDS ON help , respite care , in home care - everything you can get. Then if things are not working well , then look into other options ???
Kids get taken from parents all the time because they are not looking after them properly so why cant you have the option to say "hey , I tried my best but I cannot do it alone , I love these babies and want the very best for them so please , someone who CAN do it , look after them". I know that will also be hard to do , especially after having them in your life but at least you will then never have any unanswered questions in your mind.
If you abort - you will NEVER know if you would have been able to do it and will always wonder.
If you manage to complete the pregnancy and then adopt - you will always wonder if you would have been able to cope.
If you give it a go - you will always KNOW exactly how things turned out. Wether that be that you end up a supermum who amazes everybody ( including yourself ) or a mum who tried her best and then did her best for her children..........
Whatever you decide , I wish you , your son & your 4 babies all the very best. I believe that all things happen for a reason , even if you can't see what that reason is right now - one day you will.
Oh and P-S - DONT take back that jerk father - he doesn't deserve the blessing of these beautiful children - just TAKE HIM FOR ALL YOU CAN GET !!!!
Love & best wishes to you xox♥xox

Cheryl - posted on 07/04/2010

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Oh my, what a pickle! I think that a church would help, media exposure to your predicament, and baby companies would immediately rush to your aid if they knew about you. Magazines would be only too happy to follow your pregnancy and give some aid somehow, as this is not a common occurrance at all and to have quads is an honour, although it needs hands galore and as much help as you can get.

Get your story out.....accept all the help that you can, and I'll bed that whatever happens, will be for the best.

I'm sure that there are nursery schools out there, play groups etc., who have Moms who would gladly pass on their used baby clothing to you : ) I wish you good luck - happiness eventually, and wonderful healthy babies.
Take care xx

Iridescent - posted on 07/04/2010

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So do I, but I've been flamed before for doubts (even when those same people have a facebook account associated with their CoM account and the statements on their wall and their photos outright prove them to be lying).

If this is real, I would hope you are able to decide what you want to do, not based on what we write, so you can do it and live knowing what you did was with their best interest in mind. We have 3 babies the same age. It's been hell for the past 3 years. 2 have health problems, 1 is autistic with severe asthma, food allergies, chronic diarrhea and Selective IgA Deficiency, another is exceptionally frail and needs medications every few hours, a feeding tube, a port, constant hospitalizations some years, mental regressions, and lots of other things. Our third is underweight. They all have needs, and even with two parents BOTH working from home, it's hard! And these were all full term! I would not recommend more than twins to anyone, because the children do not get one on one time with mom or dad on a daily basis. We can not go in the kitchen and make cookies with our children. Instead, we are mixing pitchers of formula, trying to figure out how to pay for more diapers, we were going through 54 bottles per day and each had to be washed and sterilized daily, diapers alone cost us $8,750 in the first year. Clothing each size change cost us $1,500 on average, at second hand stores and garage sales! None of that accounts for the large purchases such as car seats, cribs. You can't find a vehicle that will seat 5 in car seats unless you get a van designed for that specifically. We have a GMC Yukon and the max in car seats that can fit is 4, and it is tight. Even going to the grocery store is next to impossible - we used 1 cart for 2 kids, carried a third in a sling, and still needed another cart for groceries! How can do you that with 5 needing to be in a cart? That's 1 person with minimum 3 carts. Day care? Never. No day care can take that many infants, nor could any average person afford to pay the fee for it. Just juggling to get kids in the house from a vehicle, that's 1 person making minimum 3 trips, leaving kids alone in either the house or the car every time. There's no way around it. There are success stories out there, but you really must have continual support from family AND friends AND community to be one of them.

Lyndy - posted on 07/04/2010

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Check into "Open Adoption". I was a widowed single with 7 kids and then had another baby after 7 years of singleness. The baby went to a wonderful childless couple and we are all great friends to this day. You will do more greatness to your children by giving them to another loving family and then staying in touch. I believe it was the Godly thing to do.

Stacy - posted on 07/04/2010

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i am a single mom of 2 wonderful boys one who is 10 months and the other one is 14 years old. You will never be totally alone. Hopefully the dad will come back around or maybe you have a few friends or family you can talk to. Good luck to you on whatever you decide.

Amanda - posted on 07/04/2010

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First of all, congratulations! I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must be right now, dealing with a baby, a divorce and another pregnancy. I would strongly suggest you talk to someone before you make a decision. Don't forget that the father is going to be responsible at least financially. If you decide to keep the babies, get your story out! People are wonderful and caring and I'm sure they would love to help you! If you could, let us know where you live so we can help, too!
Good luck!

Suzanne - posted on 07/04/2010

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U can get home help from the social but it's as to whether you would like the help. xx either way good luck and god bless xx

Illona - posted on 07/04/2010

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Wow! It is perfectly fine if you feel like you won't be able to cope. It is a totally perfect reaction. Your choice what to do, but I would consider adoption if I were you. It's fine if people help, like companies providing stuff, etc, but you as their mom would need to face the day-to-day tasks which is totally overwhelming with only one child (as I'm sure many moms would not want to admit, but it's the truth). You will be respobsible for their future. How will you provide in terms of a big enough house, a big enough car and enough time for all of them and the housework. Think about blessing someone else with at least some of your babies if you can't part with them all. Remember, this is a high-risk pregnancy too and chances are they will be premature which causes much more problems.

I'll pray for you, God will provide and He will take care of you no matter what you decide to do, but abortion is definitely not an option, but that's just my opinion.

Heather - posted on 07/04/2010

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well if the local church wont help you, definately get in contact with a different church because there is something wrong with that one! the bible says thou shalt not judge, and trust me GOD wont deny you JUST because you are unwed!!.....I am a single mother as well and my church is very much so willing to help me at anytime of need. Dont abort those babies especially if you know you can afford it! The money would be my only concern, but if you KNOW you would have a money issue there should be no reason to abort them. God will GRANT you the sanity and patience if you just pray and ask for it. The bible says ask and you shall recieve!!!!! what state do you live in

Rachelle - posted on 07/04/2010

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You know in your heart what you have to do, whether it's abortion, adoption or keeping them. This isn't anyone elses choice but yours. Any one of these choices will cause you pain, you have to decide. At the end of the day, you can't and shouldn't rely on the help of others, seriously even if you're given everything you need to care for them, it's still going to be tough.

I think it's comical that some women say the father might come back, so keep the faith. Yeah ok, what a man, NOT!!!! Would you want him after all this??? Yikes.

God bless you and I hope you find the right answer in your heart and head. And whatever your choice is, it is yours and don't worry about others that judge. Until these people are really in your shoes, they have no clue!!!

Jade - posted on 07/04/2010

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@ Sharon Grey, Are you F***ing kidding me?!?! I hope so! It's called Adoption!!! So many people don't have the chance to have children and this is def a blessing...They will not live with a life time of suffering, she might even be able to handle them, and who knows daddy might come back once he realises what he has left...

You hang in there Honey!
As everyone else has said, you will be able to get PLENTY of support and if you can't "handle" them then there is always adoption. Good Luck! xox

Mary - posted on 07/04/2010

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She's going to be on bedrest for pretty much the entire pregnancy, and these babies are going to have some health issues once born. How is she going to care for the baby she already has?? I love that people say, 'don't kill them, there's help out there, I'm sure' but no one here actually OFFERS anything that is of actual help to this mama.

Susan - posted on 07/04/2010

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Not to be ugly but I think aborting these babies would be so awful. Just look around. There are SOO many deserving couples in this world that want to have babies and can not and look at what god gave you...if you know you can not cope...please give other couples out there that want to be parents the chance to be by placing your babies up for adoption. God does not put us in situations he does not think we can handle. They might be SOO hard...but he knows how strong you are...Good luck to you Debbie

KATIE - posted on 07/04/2010

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OMG what a ahndful you are going to have and yes it will be very hard but soooooo rewarding. Ask for help, the red cross is amazing and people like me who have had chikdren but they are at school now would love to come and help out a day or two a week. To cuddle a baby is the most amazing experience, but also to hang a load of washing out so a new Mum can cuddle her baby is priceless. You will be OK give those little angels a chance you will be rewarded one day, I just know it. Good luck

Nicole - posted on 07/04/2010

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Oh yeah...and as others have suggested, please do not let "the father" off the hook! Look for a lawyer who will do pro-bono work for you. Your state DHS will get involved and help pay for that in some cases if "father" is delighted to shirk his duties . It's tough at times, and it's good to be rid of jerks. The temptation to just want them out of your life is overwhelming...but stay strong for yourself and your choices, and child or children. Let your DHS help you.

Nicole - posted on 07/04/2010

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WHOA! That's tough...you have to make the choice based on what you really think you can handle. Remember also, there are lots of folks out there who are looking to adopt babies, and if you decide to give it a go raising them, there are lots of support groups. The hospital you are using can help you with lots of local resources in your area, if you ask. Also,

http://www.mostlymultiples.com/2007/01/m...

Jenny - posted on 07/03/2010

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Well i believe you have made the first step in the right direction by asking for help. Seeing a counsilor may be hard at first but definately the right decision. They will not make the decision for you but will help make your decision clear and they will not judge you no matter what choice you make. Some food for thought:- By the time the babies are born your son will be a semi independant little person and will be able to help. Give him jobs to keep him occupied. Then you only have another 2-3 years till your new babies are independant, after that things will settle down. I know it seems like a long time now but once they are independant your only job is to guide them in the right direction and pick them up when they fall :) I got told i couldn't have children and had the tests to prove it, i now have 2 naturally concieved kids. i suffered post natal with both and it was from fear of not coping after believing i'd never be a mum. With counselling and the right medication i have a clear mind and can do anything. Sweetie your not alone and you don't have to be alone, just don't be affraid to ask for help. Your a great mum!

Michelle - posted on 07/03/2010

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What a lot you have to consider, and such a hard decision, one you will have to live with for the rest of your life!. If you choose to keep your children and raise them yourself, it won't be easy but i'm sure, with help, you will be a wonderful mum to them all. It may be a good idea to move closer to your parents as, even if they are not happy initially about the pregnancy, they will more than likely come around like they did with your first, and they may very well be the best support you can get, even if it's just to talk to someone close when you are frustrated and tired. Certainly look around to see if there are support groups in the area. Good luck to you and your children.

Justina - posted on 07/03/2010

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Sorry, one more thing- as the babies get older they will all play together and enjoy one another- and will occupy each other which is a great help to Mom! :P just some thoughts...

Justina - posted on 07/03/2010

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Also, it is often that multiples will get on the same sleeping and eating pattern, and there are ways to get your babies on a schedule- which makes coping a heck of a lot easier.... Also, talk to your ob/gyn about options and what the pregnancy will look like. Too, you can ask your Dr.'s office if they have any information on support groups or outreach programs where you can meet other moms or people in general who maybe you can become friends with and build a support network. Too, churches are always welcoming and have there are people within church communities always willing to lend a helping hand :)....

Justina - posted on 07/03/2010

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You will be surprised how many people will offer help and support to you if you decide not to terminate.... if you haven't already, go talk to a WIC counselor, who can help you out financially with the babies, and who has access to information on other organizations and support systems for mothers. There are programs for moms that have difficult situations where people can come and help you, and there are financial aid programs as well... and even though you and Dad are no longer together, maybe there are ways he would help too (at least money wise???).... Good luck to you no matter what you decide! :)

Riche - posted on 07/03/2010

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i think you shouldn't be that hard on yourself, there are still people who would still give you help your church, your community. abortion is a no no, karma is always gets back on you, big time...congratulations on the quads many women aren't that blessed to have children...so don't worry about how to raise them...i believe as a mother instincts would be your guide to save your children...they're a part of you whether you like it or not you should stick together, they're you most priceless treasures. God bless

Amanda - posted on 07/03/2010

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omg omg omg omg DO NOT ABORT. you have no idea just how special (& rare!) quads would be! you will have so much help from the ppl around u b/c no one in the right mind would let you do this alone.
There is alot of help the state can give u for having so many & being on your own.
This is going to be very hard to do, but you know when its done with it'll be all worth it.
There is always tons of help from the community when there are multiples like that. it seems impossible & too hard now, but it will work itself out in the end

Heidi - posted on 07/03/2010

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i wouldnt abort dont believe in that at all but you could put them up for adoption.Its a lot better than abortion

Melissa - posted on 07/03/2010

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Believe that things can and will get better. Whatever choice you make is permanent. That is something you must always remember, you can never go back and change things once it has been done. I understand you are going through a difficult time. In my opinion...if you feel like taking care of 5 children would be difficult...try adoption. That way they can have a chance at life. Babies are priceless gifts. They are the best things that we have been given. It's just something you should think about before making a decision you may regret. Best of luck to you.

Astrid - posted on 07/03/2010

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God don't give us more than we can handle!!! That's why he gave me ONE!! You can obviously handle 5!!!!

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