Single mothers, welfare mothers prejudice

[deleted account] ( 330 moms have responded )

How many of you have noticed the venom aimed at single mothers and welfare mothers? How many of you have heard others talk about how these women should get back to work and stop, excuse the pun, 'milking' the system? How many of us women are guilty of these attitudes? -This is an indication of how patriarchal and ignorant our society is and how easily we all fail to question opinions. Firstly, aren't single mothers and welfare mothers already working? Is it not work to look after one or more children? If looking after children was purely a leisure activity, why are strangers paid to look after our children? Why can't we hold our heads up in pride and admit we are doing this work ourselves? There is still a wage discrepancy between what men and women get paid, and if a woman is faced with the prospect of poorly paid work and looking after her own child(ren) at home, what is she to do? With the stigma attached to stay-at-home mothers, these women are forced into the marketplace at the expense of supervising their own children and having the pleasure of watching them grow and develop. This precious bond is forfeited for the sake of society's prejudice towards mothers and women in general. In many cases, it would be cheaper for the government, I'm talking here specifically of the United Kingdom government, to allow these women to do their childcaring in peace as it would in many cases end up being cheaper to pay them this welfare allowance, instead of subsidising their rent and expensive childcare bills because their wages are too low to be able to afford their living expenses. While I'm not saying all women should stay at home, women should have a choice on where they want to be and critics should back off because the work of a mother is precious work and not valued enough. How many of you are aware of the praise and admiration shown to single fathers, as if they've just split the atom? Clearly a case of double standards if ever there was one. With domestic violence being so prevalent across all race, religious, national and economic lines etc. there is probably a very good explanation of why there are so many single mothes around. And by the way, it's time the church leaders and social commentators stop blaming single mothers for the downfall of society! They are not he cause of society's downfall, but are the innocent victims of the violence within society. Those precious family values that they speak of, what does it mean? I know of countless women who were denied help by their own families when they needed help to leave abusive relationships. How many forced marriages are there because of family pressure? How many women stayed in the family situation because they had nowhere else to go and felt afraid or guilty? The family can also be a powerful source of oppression for a woman when people try to keep up appearances in order to avoid condemnation by those self-righteous others. If we bothered to scratch below the surface of our prejudice and dig a little deeper into the experiences of many women, we will be faced with the honesty of what it means to be a women- we are often misunderstood, blamed, belittled, taken advantage of. It has to stop.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sharon - posted on 10/11/2009

11,585

12

1314

Oh its another "poor me" post. Could you just PLEASE? spare us?



Everyone wants to stretch the statements and make them fit their own circumstances.



Crap happens in life. If you left an abusive man and need help getting on your feet - TAKE THE HELP.



If your husband/partner dies and you need help - TAKE THE HELP.



If the breadwinner loses their job - TAKE THE HELP.



If you thought having a baby with the crack dealing fathead you were dating in highschool was a good idea - get a job.



I'm not against welfare or moms on welfare.



Domestic violence is prevalent because women don't make good choices. "Bad" is sexy. It is and it isn't. You don't have kids with "Bad" you have kids with financially and morally responsible MEN.



Families that would deny help to a woman having the crap kicked out of her or just being held down and back by a control freak - should all be neutered and spayed.



(edited to change "held but by a control freak" to 'held back by...')

Gina - posted on 10/18/2009

8

13

0

There is so much bull crap on this post that is doesn't even make sense anymore!

First off it seems no one knows what any of you people are talking about because you are trying to compare the US with the UK. Well the laws are different so you can't compare it!



Second some of you ladies have been on here for several hours talking crap about others which makes me think, Who was watching your kids while you were having gossip hour(s)?



And for the same ladies who are complaining about families on welfare, do You have a full-time OUT OF THE HOUSE paying job? If so, if you lost your job then what would you do?



What really bothers me most here is that you are all so worried about who's doing what, or not, that NONE of you have mentioned regardless how the family gets money, that the kids are being cared for.



So you are going to tell me that in any situation where a family needs welfare the CHILDREN should not get FOOD, SHELTER, CLOTHING, HEALTH CARE, EDUCATION etc. because their parents can't provide it for them?



Most of you are acting as if these welfare families live in luxury with fancy cars and vacations... THAT IS NOT TRUE!



I don't live in Europe so I don't know what you people do there, but here is the US Welfare is not as much as you think it is.



Let me give you all a break down: In America a family can receive TEMPORARY CASH ASSISTANCE FOR NEEDY FAMILIES (TANF) or what you call welfare, for no more then 36 consecutive months with a total of 48 months in a LIFETIME.

You receive about $100 per family member per month in "CASH"

In most states after the 4th Child there are no extra benefits. So a family of 4/5 will receive the same as a family of 8.



Food Stamps is only good to buy FOOD, not paper towels and make-up at a food store.

A family of 3 with Zero income could receive $300-550 per month, depending on the state which they live and other expenses.



TANF and Food Stamps phase out with the more income you have.

Here is an example for you idiots who don't understand: Susy Smith is on Welfare with 2 dependents, she gets $300 in Cash, $500 in Food plus Health coverage. She finds a job making $10 an hour working 37 hours a week. Now she gets No CASH, $50 a month in Food Stamps and loses her Health Coverage, but her kids can keep it if she pays $10-30 her month each plus $15 co-pay per appointment. And of course, like ALL OF US she still pays for housing, transportation, utilities etc.



So what is the problem that all of you are having? Does is really seem like these people on Welfare have it easy? No, they don't.

In any circumstance is hard work to be a parent, you know the cost, you know how much time and effort you put into it. But try adding in being a single parent, a parent with a disabillity, or a parent with only a basic education. Trying juggling all of these burdens without the help of the government. There would be MORE Homelessness, More Drugs/Alcohol abuse, and More Crime all around us.



So after all this, why don't all you complaining JERKS tell me how many hours of VOLUNTEER work you do feeding the poor, donating clothing, toys household items, tutoring uneducated people, mentoring unfortunated families in money management, opening your home to a family in need, ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of sitting here complaining about what the government does for these people.



Maybe if MORE OF YOU start helping out others then the government wouldn't have to spend so much.

Lucy - posted on 10/14/2009

5

35

0

I'm a single mother of 3 boys, with a full time job and who is planning on going back to school to futher my education. I'm sorry but if you are a single mother and think that it is okay to live off of welfare to watch your children grow up is using the system. Why doesn't the system help the single mother that is trying to help and better their living situation. I live pay check to pay check and as hard as it is, I wouldn't change it for the world.



I believe that if an emergency arises that the system should help. But if you are able to work then you should provide for your children. Being a parent isn't a JOB it's HONOR it is something that should be enjoyed and something that you look forward to doing. We chose to bring these children into this world with knowing that it wouldn't be easy or free, It isn't an obligation that I must do nor should the system pay for your financial living. Call me ignorant, but I think I'm showing my children that me working hard, following my dreams and being a good mother is making them better men.

~Jennifer - posted on 10/13/2009

4,164

61

365

Quoting Monique:

I am still not convinced that there is a difference between looking after one's own children at home and handing over the child to somebody else. Both are responsible jobs and the government should subsidise this. The government subsidises schooling anyway, that is why we have free primary and secondary school education (in the UK anyway). It comes from taxes. Likewise, if a man or woman wishes to stay home and take care of the child or children, it should come from government taxes. All people should qualify for this until the child reaches school age (age four in the UK). Not everyone would want to stay home and take care of their child, but some would want to do this. Not everyone can get a job from home anyway, as there aren't many jobs about. And it would be a problem having other people's children if a mother or father wanted to take their child to outside activities such as singing and music and swimming lessons. Government should cut military spending and spend instead on creating healthy families and happy children. Children would also be healthier as this article reports. (They are careful to state that they don't advocate a parent staying home to look after the child, however, as it would be too controversial. I do not find the topic controversial at all. It is about time that governments made this option available instead of belittling a woman's (or man's) role of raising a child until school age at home.)

http://www.ifamericansknew.org/stats/usa...

Politicians are so good at ranting about family values that it is about time they put their money where their mouths are. Let them find the taxes to allow men and women the right to choose whether or not to take the responsibility of raising their own child or children. They find the tax money for primary and secondary education, so what about the first few important development years of a child's life where bonding, establishing healthy eating behaviour, etc is so crucial?


That would be a great idea .....IF.......it was understood that once the child is in school, someone has to work to pay all or part of the money back.  (Whether it be the children's father or mother when the children start school.  )



Sorry, but I don't believe that anyone should get a free ride through part of their life simply because they have an active uterus. 

Sandi - posted on 10/11/2009

136

19

12

Oh - my other thought about her was - if she's on welfare, how did she manage to pay for a trip to South Africa? Certainly not using those dollars for the kids . . .

This conversation has been closed to further comments

330 Comments

View replies by

Arti - posted on 10/22/2009

3

0

0

Absolutely right . God created mothers(women) coz he/she could not be present everywhere

Sandi - posted on 10/22/2009

136

19

12

By the way - my sister was a teenage single mother by a loser sperm donor. She went to school, she earned her degree, and she had a job. She has never let anything stand in the way of getting what she wanted and needed for her child. She never touched welfare despite my urging her to, to help her through the rough times. I would have liked to see her struggle less. I'm proud of who she has become, because now at 29 she is the most awesome person and wonderful mother I know. What you need to understand, more than anything else I have posted here or above, is that I would not have been any LESS proud of her for doing it with assistance from the state! Because she was working to make her life better, both with schooling and with an actual job. She needed it. To use it when you need it is not wrong. Is not milking the system. It's using it the way it was designed to work.

Sandi - posted on 10/22/2009

136

19

12

Quoting Joella:

I am a recent (divorced) single mother with 5 children. My kids father has disppeared and does not pay support. I am left with the task of raising these children by myself. I have had to get on welfare while looking for a job. It is hard to get paid what a man gets paid but, that's no excuse. Anyone who says it is "milking the system" is ignorant. The money given is barely enough to survive on. Raising children is about the hardest thing I've ever had to do (especially by myself). Motherhood is not valued enough by society. Family life can be a downfall. I can understand how some women may feel oppressed. I have an idea. Instead of putting effort into the ignorance about single motherhood; why don't they put more effort into finding these "deadbeat dads!"



Since you saw fit to private message me no less than SIX times, basically telling me I need to get help because I am so bitter, I will do you the courtesy of responding to what you have written here, in this public forum.  YOU are NOT milking the system.  YOU are not one of  the people that I have a problem with.  My problem is not with single mothers.  OR with welfare mothers.  OR with single, welfare mothers.  My problem is with ANYONE who thinks that they can just stay home, not work, not improve their situation with education, and collect money and benefits from the government (taxpayers).  You said yourself, right here, that your kids' father has disappeared.  You are on welfare WHILE LOOKING FOR A JOB.  Chances are, you are right - your income when you GET a job won't be quite enough to make it, and you may still need the welfare.  But you are not just sitting home, expecting someone else to make it work for you.  You are trying to make it work for you, for your kids.  And if you need a hand up, great!  USE it!  As I have stated, WAAAAY more than once, I just lost my job.  I earned 2/3 of the income in our house.  There is no way in hell we are going to make it on just my husband's income.  I am applying for every job out there that I might possibly be able to do, and some I may not be able to do, but I might be.  I'm also heading to the DHS on monday to see if we can qualify for any assistance.  See?  A hand up when it is needed!  I'm not going to just live off unemployment, food stamps, WIC etc - well, I might still qualify for WIC, and if I finally do, I'll accept it.  But I will be working at some job - anything!  Because my kids are my responsibility. 



Oh - just throwing this out there for all of you who think that cable and internet is a big honking luxury - it's included in my rent, folks.  It doesn't cost me a dime - but if it DID, it would not be a luxury (at least the internet wouldn't).  That's pretty much the only way to apply for jobs now.



See?  Not bitter.  Irritated by people who think the world owes them a living, and would probably figure out a way to milk the system even if they DIDN'T have kids!  It has nothing to do with popping out kids - it has to do with entitlement.  And there is no such thing.

Heather - posted on 10/22/2009

10

9

0

Quoting Sarah:



Quoting Heather:

Poor people deserve to be informed. They should be allowed television! Internet?? ALL of my work is done online.

Sarah, I believe you ment "parents" in the last sentence. As in plural.

The next person who says that women should be drug tested before getting assistance had better follow that sentence with "I will be willing to snatch the baby's bottle out of her mouth..." or "Lets send the mom and baby to rehab." or "Lets stick the kid in foster care which is far more costly." All of this heartless thinking makes me feel ashamed for the US and most of the women in it.






So sue me, I screwed up a plural...if you'll notice i referred to mothers AND fathers....






 






Okay, so lets continue supporting people on drugs and let them keep their children with the help of our money because it would be heartless to remove children from a poor environment.  *note the extreme sarcasm!*






 






Um since when is television needed to stay informed?  Have you heard of a newspaper?  Most places you can get one of those for FREE.  And if they really want to use the internet, most areas have somewhere like a library where this can be done for FREE.  If you use the internet for a legitimate business which brings in money that is a different instance.  Then you are working to better your situation instead of simply relying on the support of others.  I just find it really sad how pathetic our society is getting to think that luxuries are necessities and we must have our technology...






I wasn't correcting your spelling, but pointing out that there is another parent that needs to pony up. Newspapers are biased. I know because I write for several publications and I need to be picky. TV provides information for a broader spectrum of people, and doesn't always target a specific demographic. Still, you are right that TV is not needed in order to be informed. More importantly, the government has no business interupting personal freedoms such as this. You may be surprised, but poor people actually know where the library is. These people don't even need YOU to tell them how to get there. Some of them can even use the dewey decimal system, and read!  Oh, also some of them live in rural areas far from a library...Can you sense the sarcasm? There are a whole lot of general situations, and we can't tailor the welfare system to fit each. Well, we actually could, but that would not be cost effective  or fair. I didn't say it was heartless to remove the child from a drug environment. I said it was expensive. As matter of fact, if parents habitually use drugs or are otherwise neglegent the children do get removed from the home. What I am trying to get to, is that if you want to take the welfare money away because you are afraid the parents will buy drugs, then you need to have the chutzpa to deal with the children left behind. Split up siblings, take away food, make the grandparents raise them, take them into your home (and consequently receive WELFARE money for them), or send them to strangers. Really, I just want to give you something to talk about at the next Young Republicans meeting. You posted that we need yet another welfare reform. Since you are so haughty, then reform it.



 



 



 

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2009

197

14

16

Quoting Heather:

Poor people deserve to be informed. They should be allowed television! Internet?? ALL of my work is done online.

Sarah, I believe you ment "parents" in the last sentence. As in plural.

The next person who says that women should be drug tested before getting assistance had better follow that sentence with "I will be willing to snatch the baby's bottle out of her mouth..." or "Lets send the mom and baby to rehab." or "Lets stick the kid in foster care which is far more costly." All of this heartless thinking makes me feel ashamed for the US and most of the women in it.



So sue me, I screwed up a plural...if you'll notice i referred to mothers AND fathers....



 



Okay, so lets continue supporting people on drugs and let them keep their children with the help of our money because it would be heartless to remove children from a poor environment.  *note the extreme sarcasm!*



 



Um since when is television needed to stay informed?  Have you heard of a newspaper?  Most places you can get one of those for FREE.  And if they really want to use the internet, most areas have somewhere like a library where this can be done for FREE.  If you use the internet for a legitimate business which brings in money that is a different instance.  Then you are working to better your situation instead of simply relying on the support of others.  I just find it really sad how pathetic our society is getting to think that luxuries are necessities and we must have our technology...

Heather - posted on 10/22/2009

10

9

0

Poor people deserve to be informed. They should be allowed television! Internet?? ALL of my work is done online.



Sarah, I believe you ment "parents" in the last sentence. As in plural.



The next person who says that women should be drug tested before getting assistance had better follow that sentence with "I will be willing to snatch the baby's bottle out of her mouth..." or "Lets send the mom and baby to rehab." or "Lets stick the kid in foster care which is far more costly." All of this heartless thinking makes me feel ashamed for the US and most of the women in it.

Elisa - posted on 10/22/2009

27

10

2

Quoting Tammy:

Now U know what that "S" on her cheSt/breaSt mean... Strong woman ~ om laughing to keep from cry~n.
Souljah keep it moving, you've wasted too much time getting this off your chest, back to work cuz that job iz NEVER done:>0


Does anyone understand what the above quote means? **Utterly confused**

Tammy - posted on 10/22/2009

5

8

0

Now U know what that "S" on her cheSt/breaSt mean... Strong woman ~ om laughing to keep from cry~n.

Souljah keep it moving, you've wasted too much time getting this off your chest, back to work cuz that job iz NEVER done:>0

Elisa - posted on 10/22/2009

27

10

2

Quoting shirley:



Quoting Elisa:



I couldn't agree more! Women and Men that are on welfare/government assistance should NOT have the luxury of having Cable TV and or Internet.










so you are saying that because my family receives foodstamps and my children are on medicare i should not have internet? that statement is completely ignorant. my husband is in graduate school and the majority of his classes are online. i have an online business i am trying to get off the ground. so, because i accept help from the government, my family should not have access to the internet?





Shirley. You are completely missing the point. I don't know how to be any clearer with my statement. You obviously ARE doing something to better your financial status, such as your husband going to school ,which will later help in finding a job and you have a online business you are trying to pursue. What my statement states is that people who do nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, other than sit home and expect to receive financial aid. Do you honestley think a mother or father who doesn't want to work for whatever reason, (not that they can't work ie disability etc), should have cable TV or the Internet? They are not trying to better their financial situation at all and you think it's ok for taxpayers to help pay for these things when clearly they (NOT ALL) are taking advantage of the system? If you answered "yes" to this question this conversation is futile.

Shirley - posted on 10/22/2009

53

36

6

Quoting Elisa:


I couldn't agree more! Women and Men that are on welfare/government assistance should NOT have the luxury of having Cable TV and or Internet.






so you are saying that because my family receives foodstamps and my children are on medicare i should not have internet? that statement is completely ignorant. my husband is in graduate school and the majority of his classes are online. i have an online business i am trying to get off the ground. so, because i accept help from the government, my family should not have access to the internet?

Iysha - posted on 10/22/2009

1,914

26

201

Seriously, this thread is 3 pages long... why not just agree that welfare is a flawed system, some people that get welfare don't need it for whatever reason, and that if you do need it it is fine to take it? Why argue what is considered "taking advantage" and what is considered "in need" ....it's not going to do anything but make this thread longer and piss more people off because views and opinions differ.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2009

197

14

16

But the problem is that not everyone in need is being helped....the more people that "scam" the system, the less money there is for families who need the help. To fix some of the problems with welfare....have mandatory drug testing, do unannounced house visits to check for misuse of welfare funds (example -- no unclaimed extras such as boyfriend living in the house, no unnecessary bills such as cable, extravagant cell phones, etc). More mandatory counciling for long term uses who are continuously having more children, maybe stop giving additional benefits? (If you can't afford the family you have you shouldn't be expanding, I don't care what your excuse is!) Stricter working requirements, no part time job (at least) NO WELFARE! Falsified documents, NO more help. These are just a few of the plausable ideas to fix the problem.



Seeking change is never pointless, and as far as putting families on the street, I know I'm going to get alot of negativity from this, but....for the extreme cases which fail some of the above requirements and lose their welfare then I really believe their children should be removed as well until such a time when the parent proves that he/she can provide for the child. I know this sounds harsh, but children shouldn't be starving just because their parent doesn't want to help themselves and refuses to work.

Iysha - posted on 10/22/2009

1,914

26

201

Yeah, I understand that people get upset that some people "work the system" and get paid by the government for false needs...whatever they may be. I just don't know what all the fuss is about...I mean, how do you separate the people who need it from people who don't? The only way to stop the few people that are wrongly taking advantage of welfare is to stop welfare all together. The restrictions on welfare and the qualifications are already so tight, they can't possibly get tighter without denying those in need. Why punish those who need to be on welfare for the actions of few people who decide to take advantage, in whatever way those who are aginst them see that they are? This argument over what is considered "taking advantage" is pointless because nothing can be done to change it except put a whole lot of families in need out on the streets and knock them on their asses! I mean really...like I said before, only less than 1 cent to the dollar goes to all welfare programs, when you add that up, yes it is a lot of money, but that money is divided to go to each program in each state for the many families in need. Is the welfare system a flawed system? Yup, it is...as are many systems. The thing is, how do you change that without denying people in need? You can't, The government can't figure out how to either...that is why so many politicians encourage budget cuts on welfare programs and the termination of welfare. Ther isn't a sure way to stop the falsifying of documents to meet welfare qualifications or to determine who is seriously in need from those who aren't. Thats just the way it is. Why argue and complain if there isn't a way to fix it? Why not just accept that welfare helps so many families that are in need of it's services...there are way more families on welfare that do need it than those on welfare that don't need it... Why not be satisfied that those in need are being helped?

Elisa - posted on 10/22/2009

27

10

2

Quoting Sarah:

Key words...when you and your children NEED it. Are you kidding me? TV and the internet are no way in the world NECESSITIES. Heres an idea, play with your kids. Read a book that you can get for free from the library. If your cell phone is basic and cheaper than a land line thats one thing, as long as you don't have both...otherwise sorry but that is not necessary either. Most land lines have dropped considerably in price and you can get one most places with unlimited calling for about $20 a month.


I couldn't agree more! Women and Men that are on welfare/government assistance should NOT have the luxury of having Cable TV and or Internet. If you can afford it otherwise great, but obviously if your having a problem having ends meet (which obviously you are) then cut down on the crap that is NOT a neccesity. It's not Rocket Science people. I am myself a stay home mom, but that is because I choose to be and I DO NOT receive assistance. And why is that? Beacuse we made sure we would be financially stable for me to do so AHEAD of time. Will I go back to work after my daughter starts school? Of course! Do I think I deserve assistance because I chose to stay home? Of course NOT. And anyone who thinks they should get government aid because they chose to stay home is obviously living on a different planet. If you can't afford to have kids, keep your legs closed ladies.



Again per my previous post, if you NEED the assistance (operative word being NEED), take the help. Spouse left, passed, divorce etc are reasons you would NEED help. But just sitting home while your spouse is at work to watch the kids is not a reason to collect welfare. GET A JOB! Stop being lazy!

Dawn - posted on 10/22/2009

2

36

0

while in the process of divorcing my abusive husband I realized I was pregnant.At week 19 of my pregnancy I had a 50 percent placental abruption.Having a 9 year old and house of bills to pay, I did have to get food stamps.My baby was born 13 weeks early and stayed in the hospital for 10 weeks, she then came home on oxygen, heart and lung monitors and nine perscriptions.I did have three churches that paid the nessary bills.We had no extras.No takeout, no cable, no extras at all. When she was 8 mos old I want back to work and got back to paying my own bills but did have WIC. and foodstamps. My baby was also covered by Medicaid.She had to have therapy every day for a very long time.I now have a job that pays very well.We no longer get help from anyone.But because my insurance through work doesnt pay for much at all my child no longer gets the therapy she should get.I felt bad at first getting help but do realize thats why its there.Mothers who continue poping them out when they cant pay for the ones they have deserve the attitude.I have worked with women who lied on on paperwork saying they didnt work at all and got way more help than I did they should be punished bad for that. My child is disabled and I go to work every day and support my kids and everyone else should too.

Heather - posted on 10/21/2009

10

9

0

Quoting Mariah:

I am a single mom who for the last 5 years has been fighting with doctors. I am in constant pain due to herniated discs in my lower back and neck. I would LOVE to go back to work or school even. However I am unable to. I am scheduled for surgery in Nov. and even after healing from that will be unable to work. People make judgements out of ignorance. They don't have all the facts. Maybe instead of judgeing they should think of ways to be helping!!!  for this grant....


GO TO SCHOOL! You can live off of funds that are available now...even while in school!



 



 



Apply for this grant. It is a healthy one and you are eligible.




http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/



 



All states offer help for people with a disability, here is a starting point...



 



http://www.collegescholarships.org/grant...



 



Not sure where you live, but look into a "Board of Govenor's Grant" which waives your tuition. California offers an EOPS grant that pays for your books. ALL states offer a loan forgiveness program for students with disabilities. And, you can get a work-study job, gas money and bus pass from the financial aid office at your school if you only ask...



 



If you need help finding help in your state, just PM me.



 



 

Heather - posted on 10/21/2009

10

9

0

I would say that I want to add my two cents, but I think I am up to a dollar fifty. Look, ladies. We are women...this is our common bond. I don't give a flying fig what part of the world you are in, we (regardless of color, although certain races more-so than others) have been oppressed through ALL of time. We need to stick together here. If a mom is down, lift her up...even financially. If a woman is in a generational welfare cycle, we should all work together to educate her, to make her aware of what resources are in place to help her get out of it, not put her down. The serial welfare recipient is depressed even by DSM IV criterion. No one is happy or proud to recieve it. And to those of you who are putting her down, just remember: It is amazing what you will do when given no choice. American culture breeds violence. Period. If you keep the poor in oppressive situation, it will result in violence in the home, schools and community. We American women need to take a lesson from our European counter-parts. Us American women are only just realizing how opressed we truly are! Our culture encourages us to degrade one another, values only our looks, and does NOT enforce men to support the families that they help create. We need to learn to support eachother! Even through the power of empathy. When I was in college, I wanted so badly to start a bartering system on a grand scale. Bartering child-care, food, toiletries, baby clothes, ride-sharing. Basically a pantry and point person for anything a gal might need in a hurry. I even named this thing -Single Women Against Poverty...SWAP. It never came to fruition because I admit, I don't have the brains to head something like that. But I like the idea. Anyhow, I guess I am an idealist. But c'mon. Let's don't argue. In closing, I will say to all the single mothers-welfare or not...do your part to rise above prejudice against any mom by deciding to NOT judge her. Single mama's-Keep your head up! Trust me, the babies grow up fast, as long as you love them as best as you can, teach them the value of education, and nurture the spiritual and physical aspects of your children, they will not care where you got the money to raise them. And they will turn out to be loving and productive adults. That is success. Being "right" in the forums is absolutely meaningless in the big picture. And (ok, this is my last thought here before I go and burn my bra..j/k) know that we have just put about 16000 words into this argument (just a guess)so far, and none of them have helped a damn thing. Lets conserve our energy for empowerment and not judgment.

Mariah - posted on 10/21/2009

9

8

0

I am a single mom who for the last 5 years has been fighting with doctors. I am in constant pain due to herniated discs in my lower back and neck. I would LOVE to go back to work or school even. However I am unable to. I am scheduled for surgery in Nov. and even after healing from that will be unable to work. People make judgements out of ignorance. They don't have all the facts. Maybe instead of judgeing they should think of ways to be helping!!!

Sharyn - posted on 10/21/2009

258

9

17

I have respect for the single mother who has no choice but to make it on her own, (partner left her for his own reasons or the mother left him for her good benefit - not being treated well etc)

what i dont have is respect for a woman who has kids while being single for the reason of milking the system for what its worth, i once knew a girl who had 6 kids, all from 6 different fathers and she was quite proud of that fact and that she was on welfare, for each child she got more money .....

Carolee - posted on 10/21/2009

21,950

17

567

Quoting Sharon:

Oh its another "poor me" post. Could you just PLEASE? spare us?

Everyone wants to stretch the statements and make them fit their own circumstances.

Crap happens in life. If you left an abusive man and need help getting on your feet - TAKE THE HELP.

If your husband/partner dies and you need help - TAKE THE HELP.

If the breadwinner loses their job - TAKE THE HELP.

If you thought having a baby with the crack dealing fathead you were dating in highschool was a good idea - get a job.

I'm not against welfare or moms on welfare.

Domestic violence is prevalent because women don't make good choices. "Bad" is sexy. It is and it isn't. You don't have kids with "Bad" you have kids with financially and morally responsible MEN.

Families that would deny help to a woman having the crap kicked out of her or just being held down and back by a control freak - should all be neutered and spayed.

(edited to change "held but by a control freak" to 'held back by...')


Another "poor me" post?  Obviously, you did not read it in it's entirety!  I found this post empowering for all women, not just one.  And yes, I have been a single mother and I have had to go onto welfare... until they denied me because my ex didn't want to sign a piece of paper!  And domestic violence can happen whether the relationship you're in started wonderfully, too!  I have NEVER dated the "bad, sexy" guys that you speak of here!  More than one of my exes started the relationship out great, and then it became a beating and raping frenzy.  And I'm not saying "poor me".  I'm actually thankful for what I've been through, because it helps me appreciate what I have now, which is a very loving and truly caring fiance and son!  And I also have an open mind for what other people may or may not have been through.  Next time, please think first before you assume something!  Thank you.

Elisa - posted on 10/21/2009

27

10

2

Quoting Monique:

 Here in Europe we feel that the USA is the greatest cause of conflict and unsafety in the world today. If the US did not meddle in the affairs of other countries, there would not be so much hatred towards the USA and therefore all your citizens would be a lot safer. Just a thought that many share.Oh, you're absolutely right I did not use your dollars to pay for my trip. I paid for it myself in British Pounds.


Our citizens would be safer ? Seriously ?



Whom is it exactly that's threatinging our safety ?



If your answer begins with a m; think again. These people could be handled in very short order.



You have a very intersting attitude considering an entire generation of Americans gave it all for your country and more importantly your religion. You could very easily not exisit right now if we didn't step in and fight.



On with the Welfare subject. I'm not saying it should not be used at all, but I believe it should be used when it is NEEDED. Choosing to stay home with your child even after he/she is in school is NOT a reason to use it. GET A JOB! It is our Tax dollars and WE (meaning the people who actually have a job) shouldn't have to pay for you to sit home!



If your Spouse/Partner is deceased, Spouse/Partner leaves (Divorce etc), Abusive relationships where you choose to leave I believe are some reasons in which case you will NEED the assistance, but then again only for a certain amount of time.



I believe if you go on assistance with 1 child and later have another you should NOT be able to add them to the benefits. Heard of BIRTH CONTROL? I think some people need a license to procreate. Seriously if you can't afford 1 child without assistance then you probably should not have another. I think this kind of falls into place with "Commom Sense".



 



Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy.   - Winston Churchill

Joella - posted on 10/21/2009

5

3

0

I am a recent (divorced) single mother with 5 children. My kids father has disppeared and does not pay support. I am left with the task of raising these children by myself. I have had to get on welfare while looking for a job. It is hard to get paid what a man gets paid but, that's no excuse. Anyone who says it is "milking the system" is ignorant. The money given is barely enough to survive on. Raising children is about the hardest thing I've ever had to do (especially by myself). Motherhood is not valued enough by society. Family life can be a downfall. I can understand how some women may feel oppressed. I have an idea. Instead of putting effort into the ignorance about single motherhood; why don't they put more effort into finding these "deadbeat dads!"

Karyn - posted on 10/21/2009

2

9

0

I like your comment "sperm donor" I have one of those!! Sorry, that caught my eye.....

Karyn - posted on 10/21/2009

2

9

0

This debate could go on forever....I believe that there is a hole in the system, in the USA especially. I have been on both sides as well. When I dovorced and was laid off from my job, I needed to ask for assistance for a short time to get on my feet with my 2 children. The problem isn't for people who ask for assistance for a short time, it's the able-bodied people who "choose" to take advantage of the system. I unfortunately have come accross people who are in a relationship, living with the father of their children, but are not married, unemployed, are supported by the man, but go to the State and receive "cash" and food stamps for their children, THAT IS FRAUD!! Those women should be ASHAMED of themselves!! That activity has nothing to do with staying home with their children to watch them grow up!!!! Sorry!!! My opinion is, get off your ass and get a job like the rest of us!!!! Self pitty is ignorance!

Lucy - posted on 10/21/2009

591

33

23

As a mum of two pre schoolers, I feel that the issue of how and for how long welfare is used is an issue here. I am happily married, but my husbands income (though he works long hours) is quite low. By profession I am a teacher and have a very strong work ethic. I got a summer job at the age of 14 and have always worked ever since, until my children were born, so I have certainly paid plenty of taxes to "contribute" to welfare in my time! Therefore I feel no guilt about choosing to stay at home with my little ones to nurture and and care for them myself, helping them to develop into excellent human beings who will in their turn contribute productively to society. Noone else can do a better job, so if I have to claim tax credits, NHS exemption etc (and I do) to get the job done, that's fine with me. I would, by the way, make the same decision were I a single mum. Once my kids are school age I will be back to work, so that I can pass on the same work ethic to my children that I was brought up with. I believe that all pre school children deserve the one on one care of a loving parent full time, and that is what the welfare system, which I have paid plenty of taxes towards, is there for.

Kategia - posted on 10/21/2009

14

4

0

For the Christians....

Jesus fed 5 thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.



For the people with secure jobs....

Never kick a man when he is down



Moms who stay at home to care for their children = homemaker/ house mom

Minorities who stay home to care for their children = Lazy, uneducated, Tie up your tubes.. You don'y desrve to reproduce.



All life forms reproduce PERIOD! It is natural whether you are rich or poor.

If we do not reproduce who will be our future doctors, lawyers, and carpenters? It is the way of life. Ok Ok so you people spend your working.. and you get old and pass away who will be the new owner of your blood money? THE GOVERNMENT. You die and can't take the green with you..

Jodi - posted on 10/21/2009

26,038

36

3891

Quoting Kategia:



Quoting Jodi:




Quoting Kategia:

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. 








Kategia, this is an international site. Some welfare systems CAN BE a picnic in the park and a free ride, and are easily abused.  So the topic is relevant to many people, and not just 'plain stupid'.










Well, if $100 a month is a picnic then... Have fun! Who could abuse $100. That is less than a weeks worth of groceries in my home yet alone a month. In the states you will get very little. Not enough for luxury. In my area they are working towards cutting welfare altogether.. Whoops....Picnic is all rained out!






Kategia, you missed my point.  Believe me, if you lived in Australia, there would be more than $100 for you.  So maybe this topic is irrelevant to you and your situation, but there are many others who believe it is relevant, and not at all stupid.

Kategia - posted on 10/21/2009

14

4

0

Quoting Jodi:



Quoting Kategia:

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. 






Kategia, this is an international site. Some welfare systems CAN BE a picnic in the park and a free ride, and are easily abused.  So the topic is relevant to many people, and not just 'plain stupid'.






Well, if $100 a month is a picnic then... Have fun! Who could abuse $100. That is less than a weeks worth of groceries in my home yet alone a month. In the states you will get very little. Not enough for luxury. In my area they are working towards cutting welfare altogether.. Whoops....Picnic is all rained out!

Kategia - posted on 10/21/2009

14

4

0

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. Needless to say I am now a business owner, college educated, loving mother to my 6 year old son (Yes, he is the only one). I am now with my high school sweatheart (Not my son's biological father). Welfare is a design failure not to really give someone a hand up but keep them in the saame needy state. I don't throw stone at people who are less fortunate. I just keep the note in my head: Jesus was a slave... what would Jesus do? Don't throw stones in a glass house. And people wonder why there is high crime areas. Babies need to eat. Get a job... Well that is not always easy being a women or a minority. Even today White Caucasian males are paid far more than their ethnical or gender counterparts.

Jodi - posted on 10/21/2009

26,038

36

3891

Quoting Kategia:

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. 



Kategia, this is an international site. Some welfare systems CAN BE a picnic in the park and a free ride, and are easily abused.  So the topic is relevant to many people, and not just 'plain stupid'.

Kategia - posted on 10/21/2009

14

4

0

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. Needless to say I am now a business owner, college educated, loving mother to my 6 year old son (Yes, he is the only one). I am now with my high school sweatheart (Not my son's biological father). Welfare is a design failure not to really give someone a hand up but keep them in the saame needy state. I don't throw stone at people who are less fortunate. I just keep the note in my head: Jesus was a slave... what would Jesus do? Don't throw stones in a glass house. And people wonder why there is high crime areas. Babies need to eat. Get a job... Well that is not always easy being a women or a minority. Even today White Caucasian males are paid far more than their ethnical or gender counterparts.

Kategia - posted on 10/21/2009

14

4

0

This topic is just plain stupid. Who really wants to be on welfare? When I found out I was pregnant I went to welfare only to get a whomping $100 food stamp offer. I was collecting unemployment and that went towards rent. I hand no extra money left over for anything extravagant. Welfare is no free ride or a picnic in the park. Needless to say I am now a business owner, college educated, loving mother to my 6 year old son (Yes, he is the only one). I am now with my high school sweatheart (Not my son's biological father). Welfare is a design failure not to really give someone a hand up but keep them in the saame needy state. I don't throw stone at people who are less fortunate. I just keep the note in my head: Jesus was a slave... what would Jesus do? Don't throw stones in a glass house. And people wonder why there is high crime areas. Babies need to eat. Get a job... Well that is not always easy being a women or a minority. Even today White Caucasian males are paid far more than their ethnical or gender counterparts.

[deleted account]

Because of this very subject I have not "done" what families have told me to do. I have been told to "go on welfare" to earn my degree. My daughter has autism and now is a good time for me to go back to school. I just keep thinking of the word "welfare". I can't work, keep up with my case conferences, doctor appointments, her therapies, keep the house clean, keep her clean and myself presentable. I wish people would understand that "some people" are not living off of the gov. Some people are trying to better themselves.

Lu - posted on 10/20/2009

1

3

0

My son was 16 and his girlfriend (now his wife of 10 years) was 14 became pregnant. They stayed together and faced all the prejudice. People did NOT sing his praises. In fact, no one cared about him. It was all about the sweet little mother who was way too young. I am proud of my son and my daughter-in-law. They had to go on welfare for awhile and times were rough, but they stuck it out. He owns his own company, they have a beautiful home and 3 straight-A student children. They overcame the prejudice by toughing it out and doing what needed to be done. Based on the experience of my children? A hand up, yes!!. A hand out? Hell, no.

Sharon - posted on 10/20/2009

11,585

12

1314

Quoting shirley:



Quoting Gina:

So after all this, why don't all you complaining JERKS tell me how many hours of VOLUNTEER work you do feeding the poor, donating clothing, toys household items, tutoring uneducated people, mentoring unfortunated families in money management, opening your home to a family in need, ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of sitting here complaining about what the government does for these people.

Maybe if MORE OF YOU start helping out others then the government wouldn't have to spend so much.






finally someone on here has hit the nail on the head!! how many do volunteer. i do and i receive assistance. thank you for your post.





OHHHH!!  So this is my opportunity to display my "good" side?  Hmm ok, gosh where do I start???

I volunteered to help band hummingbirds.



I donated a couple hundred pounds (weight) of clothing last month and I'm still cleaning out closets.



I donated a car.



I volunteer to help at my kids schools all the time.



I take in unwanted cats, dogs, hamsters, rabbits, birds, etc etc etc all the time.  I pay for their food out of MY pocket.  I pay for their medical care out of MY pocket.



I volunteered to drive elderly people around town for grocery shopping.



I help needy families whenever I can.



I sent silly string, newspapers, cookies & candy to our soldiers overseas.  I keep in touch with many of their mothers online.



I go around to various carpet & tile places to collect rug remnants for our local animal shelters.



 



I DON'T volunteer at homeless shelters or battered women shelters because I can't afford to have that violence follow me home because of some psychopath.  I do take burgers w/all the veggies & a salad to the 2 homeless guys who camp out behind a store in town.



I'm going to stop now because I'm still sewing on my daughters' halloween costume and I'm running out of time.

Girlio - posted on 10/20/2009

194

25

28

Did you have to fill out an application, provide a resume and references, be interviewed to get pregnant and have a baby? OR did you choose to engage in sexual intercourse FOR PLEASURE and love (in some cases in others not so much) and now you have a baby that you deem as a JOB...Your child is a JOB? WOW I thought children were treasured gifts that one was given. That as mothers we WANT to nuture, to take care of to love to give the best we can give! MAYBE if we had to apply to be a mother then there would be a whole lot fewer single mothers out there thinking it is a job and expecting the government to pay them for it!



You have just made me appreciate my mother even more than I did before! Both my parents are still married almost 40 years, both of my parents worked FULL time my entire life, I also have a brother. Both my brother and I have moved out and both of my parents STILL work. Guess what? My parents ALWAYS made sure we had clean clothes an immaculate house, hot meals on the table, 3 HEALTHY meals a day, got to school on time and clean, got us to ALL of our extra cirricular activities, and even had an adult social life on top of it all! So there it is I had a SUPER MOM!! If I could be half the mother she is I would be so proud! OH and I turned out just fine, with a work ethic, good morals and beliefs, have ZERO criminal record, have never vandalized anything was not a latchkey kid...YET my step childrens mother, won't work, thinks that it is her ex's and the governments responsibility to pay all her rent and utilities in a 5 bedroom 2 story house, the insurance on her car, the gas for her car, her social life, all the food for them, all the school fees etc. YET won't get the kids to school on time, won't even take the kids to anything extra cirricular, won't make the meals for the kids, and the kids are in school but she won't work to better the life of her children? Because she is staying at home to look after them? UHHHHHH they are in school! She doesn't have them on weekends, why can't she work weekends? So yes I agree with Sharon, if you need it take it, but don't abuse it don't milk it, don't expect others tax dollars to pay you for your "job". By the way, if you have never worked than you have never paid taxes and therefore have never been a contributing factor to our side of the fence!

Shirley - posted on 10/20/2009

53

36

6

Quoting Gina:

So after all this, why don't all you complaining JERKS tell me how many hours of VOLUNTEER work you do feeding the poor, donating clothing, toys household items, tutoring uneducated people, mentoring unfortunated families in money management, opening your home to a family in need, ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of sitting here complaining about what the government does for these people.

Maybe if MORE OF YOU start helping out others then the government wouldn't have to spend so much.



finally someone on here has hit the nail on the head!! how many do volunteer. i do and i receive assistance. thank you for your post.

Kim - posted on 10/20/2009

4

3

0

I like this!!!!!! Also, women who have asked for assistance are looked down as uneducated or totally ignorant. I have been on both sides and just because you need assistance doesn't mean that you are less of a person. I believe people shouldn't judge until they have experienced the situation. I was married and divored. My ex refused to pay for child support, and the Courts take you through so much to receieve payments. So, if you income requires you to qualify for assistance, get it. Sometimes women can't help the situation, especially when you need medical assistance for your children.

Shirley - posted on 10/20/2009

53

36

6

i think the point that was trying to be made was that not all single mothers on welfare are "milking" the system. i feel strongly about staying home with my children while they are little. i too believe that raising kids is "work" also. i myself work harder as a SAHM then most of the mothers i know that work. my husband and i put together and run the NFL flagfootball program for our community. both our boys participate in this. i help take care of my grandparents. i am involved in my childrens schools and our church. most working mothers i know choose not to help in any of these things and not necesarily because they don't have the time. i don't always have the time either. i am trying to get my own craft business started. i am one of the busiest people i know. i also agree that there are too many people abusing the welfare system. it makes it more difficult for people who truly need help. i myself receive foodstamps for my family and my children are on government insurance. my husband is a substitute teacher and he is in graduate school finishing his teaching degree. he doesn't make enough money to pay the bills and buy groceries. we are greatful that the assistance is there and are looking forward to the day when he graduates and gets his first teaching position and i can cut that EBT card in half. people are to critical against other people. you DO NOT know what you would do if you were in their shoes. even if you are a single parent and have never used welfare. you shouldn't judge others. i agree with monique about raising your own children. why should anyone be forced to pay someone else to raise them. sure there are many women who like daycare. they get to leave their kids there and not worry about them while they go to work which can be more fun and more rewarding than raising your kids. leave all the arguments and petty fights for someone else to deal with. i myself don't agree with paying someone to raise my kids. that's my opinion. everyone has their own opinion and is entitled to it. you don't have to agree with me and i don't have to agree with you!!!!

Sarah - posted on 10/20/2009

197

14

16

Quoting Jennifer:

Honestly,seriously you guys are ridiculous.You have no idea what someone has going on in their life that may or may not have caused them to be on welfare. It is so funny how it is always the people who have support systems that ride the moral high ground about this sort of thing. Funny how they can judge others when they don't operate on their own steam either since they are privledged enough to have family or be financially secure. Give me a break is there not enough horror in the world you need to focus on this???????????????????



This is a discussion forum, you will find discussions occuring here whether you agree with them or not.



To say that being financially secure makes you privledged is very inaccurate IMO.  Being financially secure is something most people struggle towards and work hard for.  It is something that people "operate on their own steam" to achieve.

Jennifer - posted on 10/20/2009

1

25

0

Honestly,seriously you guys are ridiculous.You have no idea what someone has going on in their life that may or may not have caused them to be on welfare. It is so funny how it is always the people who have support systems that ride the moral high ground about this sort of thing. Funny how they can judge others when they don't operate on their own steam either since they are privledged enough to have family or be financially secure. Give me a break is there not enough horror in the world you need to focus on this???????????????????

Lilla - posted on 10/20/2009

2

16

0

I agree that women are not paid what they should be, or valued as much as they should be. But there is also a double standard in domestic violence. My son was beat up by his wife several times and could not get help because they said "he was not the wife". He was afraid to stick up for himself or leave for fear she would turn on their baby. What was he supposed to do? He took their baby to a friends house, the wife hunted him down, started a fight- hit him, he walked away, hit him, he walked away. And then she tried to make him drop their baby by digging her nails into his arm. He then backhanded(hit her) her to get her to let go. He was arrested! But not her!!

Jodi - posted on 10/20/2009

26,038

36

3891

Quoting Evelyn:

I left a domestic violence situation that had my ex in prison for nearly 3 years and had put me in the hospital. Not a high point in my life but it happened. I ended up a single mother with twin infants. I moved across country to be closer to my family and as far as possible from where "he" was. I got to MD at 1:00 in the morning and had a job by 10 AM because I looked for one as soon as I woke up! I found daycare for 2 infants, not and easy task I might add, and then started looking for an apartment. I stayed with my sister for the first 2 weeks. Once I had all the "priorities" taken care of such as job, daycare, housing, I went to social services to see if I could get some assistance with say, daycare as my cost was $250 a week for 2 infants, and housing, as it was $700/month, and maybe food. Diapers were a huge expense that obviously could not be cut from the budget but was not factored into my "monthly expenses" by social services. What was I told?.....I was "too self-motivated". I actually had the case worker telling me that if I had done NOTHING they would have helped me with housing, daycare and job search but because I had done it on my own I did not qualify for anything. This even though I would not see a paycheck for at least 2 weeks after starting the new job. I was flabbergasted to say the least! I was sent on my way with a $25.00 voucher to a grocery store. WIC was the only thing I was qualified for. It is a shame that our system gives the "hand out" as Sharon mentioned rather than a hand up. All I was looking for was a "hand up" while trying to provide for my children that did not ask to be in the situation we found ourselves in. I struggled for a few years and then ended up in a shelter as the "ex" was out of prison and found me across country. Only then when I had to give up everything and go into a shelter in hiding did I get a hand up. That was an experience I would not wish on anyone. I saw women in there that had lived on welfare for years and used their cash assistance to buy drugs and booze. I still can't figure out to this day why they do not require drug testing for welfare recipients. Don't dare say it is an invasion of someones privacy! I know I would have gladly taken a test every month if it meant I did not have to eat rice for a week because it was all I could afford! What is needed is reform. There has to be a limit as to how long you can receive assistance and there can't be so many loopholes around the law. There should be drug testing-lets get the users off the system and free up the funding for those who truly need a hand up. I never felt I "deserved" assistance but when I was paying into the system and was told MY tax dollars are not there for me-yeah I was pissed to say the least!
I am glad to say that those days are long gone. I found a wonderful man who would do anything for me and the kids and I for him. I know that my kids will grow up to appreciate what they have as they know what it is like to be without.



Evelyn, any system happy to hand out to those who aren't trying to help themselves, and happy to have it support them, but can't help those who are trying their hardest and just need that extra help is fundamentally flawed...... :(

Evelyn - posted on 10/20/2009

30

9

1

I left a domestic violence situation that had my ex in prison for nearly 3 years and had put me in the hospital. Not a high point in my life but it happened. I ended up a single mother with twin infants. I moved across country to be closer to my family and as far as possible from where "he" was. I got to MD at 1:00 in the morning and had a job by 10 AM because I looked for one as soon as I woke up! I found daycare for 2 infants, not and easy task I might add, and then started looking for an apartment. I stayed with my sister for the first 2 weeks. Once I had all the "priorities" taken care of such as job, daycare, housing, I went to social services to see if I could get some assistance with say, daycare as my cost was $250 a week for 2 infants, and housing, as it was $700/month, and maybe food. Diapers were a huge expense that obviously could not be cut from the budget but was not factored into my "monthly expenses" by social services. What was I told?.....I was "too self-motivated". I actually had the case worker telling me that if I had done NOTHING they would have helped me with housing, daycare and job search but because I had done it on my own I did not qualify for anything. This even though I would not see a paycheck for at least 2 weeks after starting the new job. I was flabbergasted to say the least! I was sent on my way with a $25.00 voucher to a grocery store. WIC was the only thing I was qualified for. It is a shame that our system gives the "hand out" as Sharon mentioned rather than a hand up. All I was looking for was a "hand up" while trying to provide for my children that did not ask to be in the situation we found ourselves in. I struggled for a few years and then ended up in a shelter as the "ex" was out of prison and found me across country. Only then when I had to give up everything and go into a shelter in hiding did I get a hand up. That was an experience I would not wish on anyone. I saw women in there that had lived on welfare for years and used their cash assistance to buy drugs and booze. I still can't figure out to this day why they do not require drug testing for welfare recipients. Don't dare say it is an invasion of someones privacy! I know I would have gladly taken a test every month if it meant I did not have to eat rice for a week because it was all I could afford! What is needed is reform. There has to be a limit as to how long you can receive assistance and there can't be so many loopholes around the law. There should be drug testing-lets get the users off the system and free up the funding for those who truly need a hand up. I never felt I "deserved" assistance but when I was paying into the system and was told MY tax dollars are not there for me-yeah I was pissed to say the least!

I am glad to say that those days are long gone. I found a wonderful man who would do anything for me and the kids and I for him. I know that my kids will grow up to appreciate what they have as they know what it is like to be without.

Evelyn - posted on 10/20/2009

30

9

1

I left a domestic violence situation that had my ex in prison for nearly 3 years and had put me in the hospital. Not a high point in my life but it happened. I ended up a single mother with twin infants. I moved across country to be closer to my family and as far as possible from where "he" was. I got to MD at 1:00 in the morning and had a job by 10 AM because I looked for one as soon as I woke up! I found daycare for 2 infants, not and easy task I might add, and then started looking for an apartment. I stayed with my sister for the first 2 weeks. Once I had all the "priorities" taken care of such as job, daycare, housing, I went to social services to see if I could get some assistance with say, daycare as my cost was $250 a week for 2 infants, and housing, as it was $700/month, and maybe food. Diapers were a huge expense that obviously could not be cut from the budget but was not factored into my "monthly expenses" by social services. What was I told?.....I was "too self-motivated". I actually had the case worker telling me that if I had done NOTHING they would have helped me with housing, daycare and job search but because I had done it on my own I did not qualify for anything. This even though I would not see a paycheck for at least 2 weeks after starting the new job. I was flabbergasted to say the least! I was sent on my way with a $25.00 voucher to a grocery store. WIC was the only thing I was qualified for. It is a shame that our system gives the "hand out" as Sharon mentioned rather than a hand up. All I was looking for was a "hand up" while trying to provide for my children that did not ask to be in the situation we found ourselves in. I struggled for a few years and then ended up in a shelter as the "ex" was out of prison and found me across country. Only then when I had to give up everything and go into a shelter in hiding did I get a hand up. That was an experience I would not wish on anyone. I saw women in there that had lived on welfare for years and used their cash assistance to buy drugs and booze. I still can't figure out to this day why they do not require drug testing for welfare recipients. Don't dare say it is an invasion of someones privacy! I know I would have gladly taken a test every month if it meant I did not have to eat rice for a week because it was all I could afford! What is needed is reform. There has to be a limit as to how long you can receive assistance and there can't be so many loopholes around the law. There should be drug testing-lets get the users off the system and free up the funding for those who truly need a hand up. I never felt I "deserved" assistance but when I was paying into the system and was told MY tax dollars are not there for me-yeah I was pissed to say the least!

I am glad to say that those days are long gone. I found a wonderful man who would do anything for me and the kids and I for him. I know that my kids will grow up to appreciate what they have as they know what it is like to be without.

Evelyn - posted on 10/20/2009

30

9

1

I left a domestic violence situation that had my ex in prison for nearly 3 years and had put me in the hospital. Not a high point in my life but it happened. I ended up a single mother with twin infants. I moved across country to be closer to my family and as far as possible from where "he" was. I got to MD at 1:00 in the morning and had a job by 10 AM because I looked for one as soon as I woke up! I found daycare for 2 infants, not and easy task I might add, and then started looking for an apartment. I stayed with my sister for the first 2 weeks. Once I had all the "priorities" taken care of such as job, daycare, housing, I went to social services to see if I could get some assistance with say, daycare as my cost was $250 a week for 2 infants, and housing, as it was $700/month, and maybe food. Diapers were a huge expense that obviously could not be cut from the budget but was not factored into my "monthly expenses" by social services. What was I told?.....I was "too self-motivated". I actually had the case worker telling me that if I had done NOTHING they would have helped me with housing, daycare and job search but because I had done it on my own I did not qualify for anything. This even though I would not see a paycheck for at least 2 weeks after starting the new job. I was flabbergasted to say the least! I was sent on my way with a $25.00 voucher to a grocery store. WIC was the only thing I was qualified for. It is a shame that our system gives the "hand out" as Sharon mentioned rather than a hand up. All I was looking for was a "hand up" while trying to provide for my children that did not ask to be in the situation we found ourselves in. I struggled for a few years and then ended up in a shelter as the "ex" was out of prison and found me across country. Only then when I had to give up everything and go into a shelter in hiding did I get a hand up. That was an experience I would not wish on anyone. I saw women in there that had lived on welfare for years and used their cash assistance to buy drugs and booze. I still can't figure out to this day why they do not require drug testing for welfare recipients. Don't dare say it is an invasion of someones privacy! I know I would have gladly taken a test every month if it meant I did not have to eat rice for a week because it was all I could afford! What is needed is reform. There has to be a limit as to how long you can receive assistance and there can't be so many loopholes around the law. There should be drug testing-lets get the users off the system and free up the funding for those who truly need a hand up. I never felt I "deserved" assistance but when I was paying into the system and was told MY tax dollars are not there for me-yeah I was pissed to say the least!

I am glad to say that those days are long gone. I found a wonderful man who would do anything for me and the kids and I for him. I know that my kids will grow up to appreciate what they have as they know what it is like to be without.

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2009

197

14

16

If you reread the post you will see that noone mentioned giving away any possessions. The comment was made that you shouldn't be paying for cable tv if you can't make ends meet. Contrary to the some people's belief, cable tv has never been nor never will be a necessity.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms