Single mum since 'dead beat ' father left the children and I 6 years ago. No contact with us in his absence and no maintenance at all.. Now 6 years on he has new girlfriend and baby and thinks he can play 'daddy' again so took me to court in Oct for 'access' My children are 10 & 11 and hate him and want nothing to do with him. It's every week for 2 hours. They go in tears and tell him they want to go home to me . He says 'well thats tough'. He never bought them a think, is out to hurt me . I am sick of it. Going through a divorce at moment. All we want is freedom forever which we deserve. This man is a bully, a compulsive liar, been in jail, huge fraudultent past,on second drink driving charge. I have ALWAYS given the children the opportunity to meet theier fatehr. They do not want this. They are not missing out on anything. i provide everything for them. Its a joke this county . He should be given no access at all.

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Jodi - posted on 01/25/2013

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I kind of agree with Dove here. Yes, it's wrong that the kids are forced to go on visitation with him, but the fact is, they have to, so you now have to make the best you can of a bad situation. I think you need to help your kids look at the possibility that this is an opportunity to get to know their dad. Tell them that maybe their dad has changed and just wants to get to know them again. Don't put him down and tell them bad things about him at this point, but rather, encourage them in a positive way.

At what age do they give consideration to the wishes of children in Ireland?

Dove - posted on 01/25/2013

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Oh I don't blame you for being upset. Six years is a long time and the situation SUCKS! I just figured since it's court ordered visitation maybe you could try and put a positive spin on it for the sake of your kids.... since they are the ones that have to suffer through it.

[deleted account]

Thanks again for your words, which I really appreciate. the children see him every week for two hours and they hate it. He is jeopardising any relationship they may wish to have in the future (which they WONT) with him if they are continued to be forced now. I will protect my children from such a person. I know he is their father. Any man can be a father but it takes a very special person to be a good one. All i care about is protecting my children and when I see them in tears and being shouted at I will not stand for it. There is NO JUSTICE in the family law courts. the judges dont care if a father has been absent for twenty years, or if they are a drug addict etc, its soooooo wrong . Where is the best interests of the child in that ??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Thank you for your reply but he is NO FATHER . He lost that title the minute he abandoned us and in the six years he never paid one penny in support. He can go and jump. He is on his second drink driving ban ,been in jail for months, huge fraudulent past ,bully, liar, cheat. I have always given the children the opportunity to meet their father. i have never bad mouthed him in front of the children. i am not like that. They see for themselves. he lies, he stinks of booze when we meet, he shouts at them, calls them brats etc etc etc. He should be ashamed of himself and us single mums should be standing together and stop letting dead beat waste of space fathers think they can pick up years on when it suits them.

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Nancy - posted on 01/30/2013

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My kids father was basically the same.I had all sorts of court orders for child support.He never wanted to see them and tried to tell the court that I refused to let him see them.That didn't work very well for him.It took me 25 years to start getting support regularly.He was always more interested in his drinking and drugs.He had kids with other women and they all left him too.Keep fighting.Don't give up.Try to get a recording of the way he treats your kids.Maybe you could use it.It seems as though family courts everywhere are the same.My daughter has been going through some stuff with my grandsons father.Even though he's not there for my grandson,doesn't pay support,etc.,the court wouldn't sever his rights.The reasoning is that my daughter doesn't have a boyfriend or is engaged to be married so there won't be a father figure in his life.My grandson runs and hides behind us,has nlghtmares,has tried to hurt himself,etc. when his father was allowed to see him.Since his father has been put on a visitation schedule,he's missed every single visit.It sounds almost as though his new girlfriend has pushed him into this whole thing and he's done it,trying to prove something to her.Just be there for them,love them and try to help them understand as best you can.Maybe he'll get tired of the whole thing and give up.Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2013

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Paying support and visitation are completely different issues.

Yes he is their Father and has every right to see the children. If he's not being abusive then there's not much you can do. If he's emotionally abusive, it's harder to prove.

All you can do is be there for you children when they come home and listen to what they tell you. Soon enough they will be old enough for the courts to listen to their concerns as well.

Also don't berate their Father in front of them, they will feed off your negativity and be even more negative about visiting their own Father. Let them make their own informed perception of him and not yours.

Bobbie Jo - posted on 01/26/2013

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I agree with Jodi, this happened to me 12 years ago, no support of any kind, and remarried she had to boys already, they made my life a living hell, but by not putting him down infront of my children, made them see him for who he really was, he would do everything for her two boys, that were the same age as my son and daughter, which really hurt them, i was there to let them know it doesn't matter what he does for them because I am here for you two, well he and her did finally split up, lets just say she wasn't the nicest person, but he got what he deserved, Any way my son is now 18 and my daughter 16, he did change after going to jail, my son now lives with him and my daughter sees him occasionally, but in the end they remember who was always there for them, And I always let them know that it was there choice in how they felt about him. It did take along time before they trusted him again, and they made him make up for all the birthdays and Christmas's he missed.

[deleted account]

I forgot to say he has a new girlfriend and baby and new house despite never having paid a penny to me off the mortgage since he left years and years ago. It's wrong that he has new partner and baby when is still in the eyes of the law married to me.

[deleted account]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sooo grateful it is only 2 hours a week believe me. I will keep strong and my children know how much I love them and that I will fight for what their wishes are. That's what us mum's do. You stay strong too and thank you so much for your lovely reply. It has given me hope

Lakota - posted on 01/25/2013

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It is very wrong. Be grateful it is only 2 hours a week. Mine were forced to have over night visits. Continue to support your children and listen to them. I'm sure you feel helpless. I know that feeling all too well. There are many women on this site who have been and are going through the same thing. Reach out for support. You and your children will make it through. Stay strong and keep your head up.

[deleted account]

My children are 10 & 11 so I don't even think the judge would listen to them. It is just a joke that someone who abandoned his wife and children for full six years and now can click his fingers and ruineverything again. It is sooo wrong and soo not in the best interests of the children. If we the mums abandoned our children for six years lets just say the judge would have probably taken the children into care. Its just so wrong. Glad you are all ok .

Lakota - posted on 01/25/2013

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Hi, Emma. I live in North Dakota and I can tell you that the Courts here aren't any different. We are ok now. In Ireland, are your children allowed to speak to the judge and tell him/her what's happening?

[deleted account]

It is soo nice having someone agree with me. I live in Ireland and yes have a solicitor but to be honest they are 'useless' as are the laws in this country. My ex has never been physically abusive to the children but he has called them names and shouted at them and been drunk at meetings. I am at my wits end. How can I get the judge to see that continuing access is not in their best interests. Its soo hard. Thank you so much for your reply and I hope you are ok.

Lakota - posted on 01/25/2013

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I understand, and I also agree with you Emma. I have been through it too. I am glad that he only gets two hours a week though and no overnights. So sorry your kids are going through that.

Do you have an attorney? If he is abusive in any way, they shouldn't be forced to go.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2013

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He's their father.....

Start encouraging them to get to know him and be positive about the whole mess. Maybe if they think you are happy for them to get to know him they won't have such a problem with it.

It has been 6 years though, so it might take time. Maybe they will never like to visit him, but at least they have that opportunity now and can decide as adults if they want a relationship with him or not.

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