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Sixteen year old daughter wants to move to her dad's house 700 miles away!

Amy - posted on 07/02/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 16 year old daughter ( the youngest of three), has decided that she wants to live with her father and step mom. The are expecting a new baby in October. This will be a 700 mile move for her. She was a 4.0 student and played varsity soccer as a sophomore, but had a bad breakup with a boyfriend and falling out with a close girlfriend. I am heart broken but know there are underlying circumstances and reasons for her decision. I am having a difficult time not feeling abandoned and cheated. Any advice out there?

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Shawnn - posted on 07/02/2012

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Let her go, wish her well, tell her that you love her, and keep moving on.

My mother was this way when my brother wanted to live with dad. My question then (and now) is this: Do you want to force them to stay, be miserable in the situation that they are in now, and possibly end up being upset with you?

Or, do you want to give them their wings, know you've raised them well, and that your ex loves them just as much as you do, wish them well, and tell them to keep in touch, making sure you know about the big things?

Yes, your heart is hurting. But, in reality, you're feeling a little jealous, deep down inside. I know, it's hard to admit, but really, you are. I mean, you've raised her. You've given your all for her, and now she wants to live with her dad...Yes, it's tough. Ultimately, though, if she's given you rational reasons for wanting the move, she is at the age where any court would grant her request.

She'll be fine, mom, and you will too. You'll get used to your adjusted life, and you may actually find another dimension to your relationship with her. Good luck

Amy - posted on 07/02/2012

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Thank you, April. Your words have comforted me. I only want what's best for her, my heart is just hurting. I know I need to support her in her decision, I just am having a hard time with the empy nest since her older brother and sister are already in college and on their own. Her father and I have a good relationship, so there are no bad feelings, but it's hard to feel like she's not "choosing" him over me. So many feelings going on, I know it will just take time. Thank you, agan.

April - posted on 07/02/2012

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I know that my heart would be broke if I were in your situation. However, my daughter is close to myself and my husband (her father), if we were to split and she wanted to live with him, I would let her because I would not want her to resent me for not letting her be with her father. It would break my heart and I hope I never have to be in your situation. I am sorry you are going through that, just know that she loves you and that is not going to change no matter where she is living.

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