Sleep!!

Kendra - posted on 01/14/2009

i very much agree with Tamara, our first one we rocked and did the same thing, but with the last two we did this by putting them to bed awake and told them night night, read a quiet story and said our prayers. Layed them down and let them do the crying thing. It's hard at first but after about 3 days they figure out that they can and will go to sleep on their own. Now, we very seldom have any problems with them going to bed. Don't make the room bright at night either, if you need a night light that's fine but don't turn on all the lights to check on them. It will work, just hang in there. You can do it!!
The book Baby Wise ,will help you also..
The key is consistency!!!

María - posted on 01/13/2009

My 11 month baby always slept well, but one day started doing this, she wouldn´t go to bed unless I hold her in my arms until she got asleep. I observed she hold strongly my t-shirt when she was in my arms, so I put my t-shirt in her bed. It was so funny: she just hold it and smell it and fell asleep in about 1 or 2 minutes. May work also for you! Don´t lose nothing trying. Many babies feel insecure in their bedrooms and this helps them.

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2009

Sorry -  thought i would add my 2 cents.  Routine routine routine really helped us and gave oour daught the cues for sleep.  Bath, bottle, bed.  ASLEEP.  Also I would agree swaddle.  That really really helped when she was that young.  you can get those swaddle blankets with velcro.  they helped us better, we could get a tighter swaddle and she was unable to break out with her arms.  GOOD LUCK!

Naomi - posted on 01/13/2009

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE! very valuable tips that i will try. :-)

Marsha - posted on 01/13/2009

I'm a mom of 3 (with one on the way)  plus I worked in a daycare which gave naps everyday. At home and at work the routine always ALways works best. Low noise, low lights, letting them help in getting ready (if old enough).

Anytime we didn't follow the routine it took what seemed like forever for them th settle down and sleep.  Hope it helps.  Full tummy are also very helpful.

Marsha - posted on 01/13/2009

I'm a mom of 3 (with one on the way)  plus I worked in a daycare which gave naps everyday. At home and at work the routine always ALways works best. Low noise, low lights, letting them help in getting ready (if old enough).

Anytime we didn't follow the routine it took what seemed like forever for them th settle down and sleep.  Hope it helps.  Full tummy are also very helpful.

Sarah - posted on 01/13/2009

Wow, tons of responses, i didnt read all of them thoroughly but i kept seeing a lot of the same themes. One i didnt see was, wrap him up. You know, swaddle him. Some babies need the security especially since they sleep on their backs. I hate the back thing, and mine as soon as he could switched to his belly. I swaddled mine tightly, put him on his side, and sang to him or used a cd, and patted him till he went to sleep. even worked today!(he is 22 months haha) he wouldnt nap so i sat him in chair with me, sang a little bit and wraped him in a blanket, he was out soon after. I used the crying it out routine sometimes as well. but i really hate that method. and it didnt always work untill he was older. I hope this helps!

Tanya - posted on 01/13/2009

I am having the exact same problem with my 9 month old. She'll sleep in my arms, but as soon as I put her down, she wakes up and cries until I pick her up. I've heard and read that when a baby cries for longer than 15 mins alone, they don't get enough oxygen to their brain. Every baby is different, I think you just need to do whatever works so that you and baby get enough sleep.

Cheryl - posted on 01/13/2009

we all have had/have this problem.  But everyone has a different way of dealing.  the important things to know are that you're not going to "spoil" her if she sleeps on you at this young age.  But some babies get very used to things very quickly.  My son was like that and I had to break the cycle.  I worked with 2 books:  "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth and "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracey Hogg.  She has a method of modified Ferberizing where you go in and soothe, then get the hell out of there.  And go back and forth in and out no matter how long it takes until they fall asleep.  Dr. Weissbluth also has a modification to the "cry it out" solution.  I wasn't totally comfortable with cry it out so I went with these guys.  It did work.  Crying it out doesn't always work.  And an hour is a long time for a 4 month old to be screaming.  She is old enough for sleep training but she's still too young to be crying for an hour straight.  (in my opinion anyway).  Some babies are tougher than others.  Some people have this problem and go to doing the family bed (Dr. Sears).  This wasn't my style but if it works for your family, check that book out. There are lots of great opinions on here.  I hope you get some relief soon!

Ruby - posted on 01/13/2009

I completely understand where you are coming from  My daughter physically slept on top of my husband or me for the first 3 months she was alive, and even at 18 months I still lay with her to get her to bed.  She's asleep within 10 minutes most evenings and I have completely ignored the "professionals" at this point.  She's happy and healthy and its working for us.  She'll learn eventually and at 4 months I was still nursing to sleep, because we tried the whole crying it out thing and after hour 2 I gave up.  Don't know if that helps, but I wouldn't let the pressure of outsiders decide what you want to do and what works for you and your daughter.

Alexis - posted on 01/13/2009

I agree with letting them cry it out. I have a 4 month old as well and she puts herself to sleep. She was very colic in the beginning and we did a lot of rocking and walking and when she was out of the colic she did not know how to fall asleep on her own. We let her cry it out. 10 minutes at a time, however I sat in the room with her (she couldn't see me) and would repeat every so often "it's okay Jaidyn it's just night-night time" and then every 10 minutes I would pick her up and console till she calmed down and then started again. It would some times last an hour and a half or more, but after a couple days she would cry for maybe 10 minutes and go to sleep. Babies need to burn off steam just like we do, and you can't expect they will just fall asleep right away (do you?). Routines are also key that way she knows what's happening next and so do you! From her colic days I would warm the bed with a hot water bottle (helps with gas) so I still do that at night only and white noise helps too (a fan running in the back ground). Letting them cry does not hurt them in fact it helps them. You are giving your baby the gift of sleep and there is nothing better than sleep for a growing infant!!!!

Christine - posted on 01/13/2009

I had a sleeping issue with my son in the beginning stages...when he still had the startle factor all babies have when so little.  Family members that had tons of kids suggested I put him to sleep on his side, back to the bumper on the crib and head touching the other corner bumper....it worked like a charm...apparently it makes them feel touched more like when in the womb or being held.  He slept way better and in fact only slept that way until he was able to flip himslef to his tummy.   I know they say tummy to play back to sleep but I kept watch on my son and he never once flipped on his tummy and had an issue moving his head to the side to fall asleep.  Just a suggestion...sounds like your child got used to being held early and now won't have it any other way.  I was also told that when trying to have them cry it out...you should got back first in 15 minutes and assure them they are okay (don't pick them up) and then go a little further out until they fall asleep...the first time my son cried for 45 minutes and tuckered himself out...the next night got easier and on and on until he made a small peep and out.  Good luck!

Danielle - posted on 01/13/2009

Snap! my 9 week old son is exactly the same, hell fall asleep in my arms and when i lay him down to sleep hell wake back up instantly and cry untill i put him up. ive tried toys, ceiling projectors ect but nothing works, however, if i lay him in my bed hell sleep straight away. ive been told never let a baby as young as mine cry for long becasue its their way of telling you someting its wrong, they cant possible crying for no reason, so im inthe same boat as you.

Amy - posted on 01/13/2009

I had major sleep problems with my little one, too who is now 7 1/2 months. For months he slept in a swing or bouncy chair and would only sleep for 2 hour stretches before waking up and wanting to be with me again. He needed to be nursed, rocked, or held in order to fall asleep. About a month ago, I started sleep training using a book called "Good Night Sleep Tight" by Kim West (nicknamed the Sleep Lady). It has worked wonders! He is still up 1-2 times a night for a very brief period, but he is in his crib and will go to sleep on his own (I put him down awake in the crib) with minimal fussing. I would highly recommend this method. The basics are to begin a nighttime routine - ours is: a feeding, a bath, and a bedtime story. Then you station yourself next to the crib in a chair when you put the baby down for bed. When the baby cries, you shush and comfort, but you don't pick the baby up. You stay there comforting periodically until the baby falls asleep (the first few nights this can take awhile). Then every three nights, you move the chair back until eventually you are out of the room. Whenever the baby wakes crying, you return to the chair and comfort from wherever your station is. The book is easy to read because you can read the first two chapters on sleep basics and then skip ahead to the chapter containing info on your baby's age group and follow the instructions specific to your little one. I tried another sleep book and found it to be confusing. This book was more direct and I was happy that I was given clear directions on what to do. I liked it too, because although you'll have to tolerate some crying, you'll still be around to comfort so your baby knows you are there. It might be a slower method and require a little more work initially, but for us it worked out really well. Good luck!

Addie - posted on 01/12/2009

if you're really invested in having her go to sleep alone, you might have to tolerate the crying, but i don't know why all the health professionals are telling you it has to be done that way. especially at 4 months old. my daughter is the same age and she has always fallen asleep with us holding her or next to her. if it's not a problem for you to hold her, just hold her. it's not going to cause her any problems later. she's little and she just wants to be around you.

Jackie - posted on 01/12/2009

every child is different... i had an easy time with my 1st child.. she went in the crib awake and went to sleep on her own. my son i tried everything. he needed more.. so he slept with me. he was prone to ear infections and was allergic to milk... so he just needed more. he cried and cried.. some babies just dont feel safe unless they are in their moms arms...do what you have to do. my son is 16 months old now... Finally the last 6 nights has slept on his own in his crib... we had to make baby steps...he is in the crib, but we had to rub his back and cheek... my husband and i feel that if the child is in that much distress without you there, then be there,.. they are not babies forever

Jackie - posted on 01/12/2009

every child is different... i had an easy time with my 1st child.. she went in the crib awake and went to sleep on her own. my son i tried everything. he needed more.. so he slept with me. he was prone to ear infections and was allergic to milk... so he just needed more. he cried and cried.. some babies just dont feel safe unless they are in their moms arms...do what you have to do. my son is 16 months old now... Finally the last 6 nights has slept on his own in his crib... we had to make baby steps...he is in the crib, but we had to rub his back and cheek... my husband and i feel that if the child is in that much distress without you there, then be there,.. they are not babies forever

Stacey - posted on 01/12/2009

I used to rock my son to sleep and for awhile he would not sleep unless he was rocked. One night I just had to let him cry until he fell asleep. He used to sleep with a radio on but I graduated to a tv. I know most people will say having a tv on is not good but it also helps if he wakes up in the middle of the night and it gives me a chance to sleep in on the weekends.

Mary - posted on 01/12/2009

My little cried for two hours, uninterupted, for the first few nights....I started when she was three months old.  Then after a couple of days, we would just lay her down and the crying times got shorter, we never went in (I would peek into the door), I would just listen to her cries on the monitor.  After about a week we were going to bed on our own.  Now, at 16 months, I can't rock her to sleep.  I lay her in her bed for naps and night time, she plays with her animals for about thirty minutes, and drifts to sleep...all on her own.  It is a wonderful thing!  I promise it works.  Get the book Baby Wise, it explains everything step by step!

Jeri - posted on 01/12/2009

I have two kidos and another on the way ...not an expert...but thats worked with both my kids.

Jeri - posted on 01/12/2009

Best way is to give her a last feeding before bed. If you breast feed, be open to trying a bottle as the last feeding. Warm bottle @ 4 months try 4-6oz :o)

Kylie - posted on 01/12/2009

U could try pytting her on her side in the cot facing away from you so she cant see you (this way she doesnt think its play time) and just patting her, she will gradually learn that cot is for sleeping and it may take a couple of weeks but eventually she will drift off without your help.

Rebecca - posted on 01/12/2009

4 months is still pretty early to begin sleeping well, unfortunately.  I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.  It is a wonderful book FULL of information and actual data and statistics and studies.  He has information on and has supporting information for cry-it-out, controlled crying, AND the family bed.  He also maintains that you can rock babies to sleep during the day and put them down at night.  What I love about the book is that it has so much scientific data so you can see what is normal.  Most babies go down way too late.  No matter what method you use, it has SO much useful information.  What is important is that she is getting enough sleep, not the method you use. 

My first was a difficult, colicky baby.  I rocked to sleep and we did the family bed out of sheer necessity as the earliest I could get him down after rocking was 11 p.m.  It was misery for a long time!  Then we moved him to his own bed but still rocked to sleep.  At about 2.5 years, he willingly went to bed by himself after we talked about it.  He didn't even want the lullaby cd we had for him playing!  He's had no problems ever since.

My 2nd has always been a good sleeper.  I read the book with my 3rd, and was able to watch her naps and sleep patterns closely.  We did the family bed with me just pulling her into bed once she woke up, moving from the bassinet to crib as she got bigger, until she was 9 months.  The book has such fantastic information about sleep cycles, etc. and she was so well rested that we then did "cry it out", but there really was hardly any crying involved (I wouldn't have been able to do it if it was hugely distressing for her!). 

Moral of my long post :) is that it's a great book that will help you learn about your baby's sleep cycles and needs and support you in however you are comfortable getting her the sleep you both need.  It's tough being sleep deprived!  Good luck and hang in there!

Mavis - posted on 01/12/2009

I'm a first time mom, so I'm not claiming to be an expert of any kind, but I'll tell you what worked for me....a bed-time routine! I know it sounds simple, but it actually does work. My son knows now that as soon as he hears his lullybies (spell?) that it's the start of his wind-down. I read him a book, my husband walks around the room to say goodnight to all his stuffed animals and we put him down in the crib awake and he falls asleep after 1-2 minutes of complaining. I found using white noise at the beginning helped a lot. Now my son falls asleep with no noise although sometime he likes falling asleep to music. Good luck!

Dolores - posted on 01/12/2009

my son is 6mns i say the hell with the doctors i know what they say they told me that too. However my son has a soft trachia and that can stop him from breathing so I stroll him to sleep or rock him in his little rocker. I mean i think it is ok to spoil them now they don't understand that much yet I dont seem the harm I just think you have to be strict once that knowledge is understood. However Im a first time mom, but my mother didnt see that it was a problem either.
I know when i tryed to put him down he wakes up plays for hours or cries for hours life is short spoil when you can (i think)
However if you want try soathing music next to her crib either classical or nautical that relaxes them fast i do a mix with the stroller or the swing

LaDonna - posted on 01/12/2009

When my oldest had trouble sleeping we would always warm his sheets in the dryer before putting him to bed. When I layed him down it wasn't such a shock to his system.

Allison - posted on 01/12/2009

I am having the same problem with my 10 month old because we would rock him to sleep in his jogger for his naps.  Nighttime was ok until he began to not be able to put him back to sleep.  So I am trying the crying thing.  I have tried before only to give in because I couldn't take the crying.  This time I am determined b/c we can't be up from 12:00 - 2:30.

Anyway we started the other night when my son woke up at 1 am.  He cried for an hour before he finally gave up.  I have had MANY discussions with friends who say their little ones have cried for up to 3 hours!!!  It is working because nap yesterday he cried for 45 minutes and today he gave up after 30 minutes.  It is torture but it does work.  I was totally against it.  When my dr. told me to let him cry - he might as well have said cut off his arm!!! 

I feel your pain, but babies are smart and your princess knows that you will pick her up.  Stay strong!  Try and do it now before you are saying the same things 6 months from now like me!

Good luck!

Amber - posted on 01/12/2009

When I was a baby, my mom would let me cry. After w hile, I would get the point that she wasn't coming in. I know it is easier said then done but it worked. She did that will all 4 of us kids. The thing is, she knows that when you hild her, you are putting her to sleep. It will take a while but it will help.

Tamara - posted on 01/12/2009

i had this problem as with my first born child i made the big mistake of holding him until he fell asleep when he was a baby.

the only thing i found that worked was a combination of controlled crying techniques and story reading.

when you put your little one to bed, read her a story, nice and quietly low calm voice. when story is finished if she is not asleep then say goodnight and leave the room.

if she cries, leave her for 10 mins, then go back in, give her a cuddle whilst she is still in her cot ,lay her down calmly and go out again, do this again and again gradually increasing the time by 5 mins each time. it may be tough at first as she will try to cling on to you when you try to lay her down. but she will begin to realise that you are still there, even though she cant see you.

there are a few other things you can try like,...

gentle classical music playing very quietly
having a nightlight on so that she is not in complete darkness
using a celing projector with moving objects like stars and moons.

i hope this helps you