Sleeping

Kelsey - posted on 12/16/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Lately my almost 10 month old son has been having trouble going to sleep. He has crying and screaming fits every time I put him down. I've tried everything; music, bottle before bed, warm baths, just letting him cry it out, etc, but the only thing that seems to work is if I hold him myself until he falls asleep or put him in our bed at night. I don't want him to get used to being held by mom or dad every time he goes to sleep, any advice?

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Sometimes babies needs vary in their life. What they once didn't need can all of a sudden become very important to them. Who knows why? For instance, some babies in general need loads more emotional attention and support than others. Just the same way some babies eat more than others. Some babies fall asleep on their own and some need help. If you baby has started to need extra support to go to sleep it is for a reason such as growth (physical and emotional).

What do you want to teach your baby? I'm sure you'll answer that you want your baby (who is going to grow to be a child, a teenager, an adult) to know that you are there for them as an emotional, supportive mother. Do you really think leaving your baby to cry while they are obvioulsy upset about something teaches this?

Be careful when you make such a serious decision in regards to CIO. Researchers are now stating CIO methods used on children under 1 year old (I would argue longer) is unsafe. The stress levels a baby produces when crying while left unattended for any amount of time are too high for healthy emotional development. In short, going through something that traumatic changes the course of a babies emotional development and their personality develpment. Just like traumatic events change the way we percieve ourselves and the world as adults. Come on people, they are little beings, with all the same feelings we have, but they don't know what these feelings are, how to use or control them and you still leave them to cry?? Please do all the research on any sleep training method before you make a decision.

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Chantelle - posted on 12/17/2009

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little ones are very quick and very good at getting what they want and need. sounds like baby prefers to fall asleep in mums arms and why not its probably the most comfortable place. from what i have read you have already been given lots of advice from allowing him to fall asleep in your arms to leaving him to cry so im advise is to use your instinct with your baby stick to the routine you chose and it will drop into place

Maggie - posted on 12/17/2009

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Quoting Belinda:

Sometimes babies needs vary in their life. What they once didn't need can all of a sudden become very important to them. Who knows why? For instance, some babies in general need loads more emotional attention and support than others. Just the same way some babies eat more than others. Some babies fall asleep on their own and some need help. If you baby has started to need extra support to go to sleep it is for a reason such as growth (physical and emotional).

What do you want to teach your baby? I'm sure you'll answer that you want your baby (who is going to grow to be a child, a teenager, an adult) to know that you are there for them as an emotional, supportive mother. Do you really think leaving your baby to cry while they are obvioulsy upset about something teaches this?

Be careful when you make such a serious decision in regards to CIO. Researchers are now stating CIO methods used on children under 1 year old (I would argue longer) is unsafe. The stress levels a baby produces when crying while left unattended for any amount of time are too high for healthy emotional development. In short, going through something that traumatic changes the course of a babies emotional development and their personality develpment. Just like traumatic events change the way we percieve ourselves and the world as adults. Come on people, they are little beings, with all the same feelings we have, but they don't know what these feelings are, how to use or control them and you still leave them to cry?? Please do all the research on any sleep training method before you make a decision.


best best BEST sleep advice I've seen!! The poor baby has no idea why you won't comfort him!! You are essentially abandoning him just because it's time for bed.  My kids both sleep well in their beds without ever having left them to cry or "give up". It takes a little more time and effort but it's totally worth it.



Think about it - in a few years he will thinks hugs are icky and kisses are embarassing. Get all you can while he still wants them even if it means the dishes have to wait until tomorrow or you miss your favorite TV show.

Stina - posted on 12/16/2009

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I agree with Belinda.

the Dr. Sears website has great information on sleep. (one of these days, i'll figure out how to do a link... till then, I'm just not that tech savy)

Jeannine - posted on 12/16/2009

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let him cry it out, no matter how long it takes. he will adjust, and it's easier now, while he can't get himself out of bed. Don't go in his room to lay him down, he will evenually fall asleep on his own. And he'll realize that he's not going to get what he wants (which is you).

Katie - posted on 12/16/2009

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I think it might be separation anxiety or teething my 8 month old is doing the same thing. And he is teething right now. He just wants to be held by mommy or daddy. And what we have been doing is holding him til he falls a sleep and then putting him to bed. And when he wakes up we feed him and then put him back down and that usually works but sometimes we just bring him in with us. And then sometimes we just let him cry it out and he eventually falls asleep. I hope that everything works out for you.

Bonnie - posted on 12/16/2009

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It is common for babies to go through stages and needing to feel close to you. Try cuddling with him in a blanket that he can sleep with. Sometimes he just needs to smell your scent to be able to sleep. Another thing it could be to that he is going through a stage where he will accomplish something new soon or that he may begin to cut a tooth. Try calling your pediatricians office if he seems really agitated and inconsolable. He may need extra comfort now or it may be leading up to something like his ears bothering him. Depends on how long he has been going through this. Has he past the stranger phase or the phase of feeling really close to only you and his caretaker while you are away. I have a preemie so I get developmental papers for different stages. It could also be his is starting a new chapter where he will change his behaviors. Getting ready to want different things for comfort. My son has recently decided to stay up later and play, or to take a cat nap around 7pm when he use to go to bed and get up for a few hours.
Good luck with your routine.

Tiah - posted on 12/16/2009

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maybe he is teething. that how my baby was when she was cutting teeth. or an upset stomach.. indigestion and laying down flat are yucky..oor maybe he just wants his mummy to be close..

Maggie - posted on 12/16/2009

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at that age it might just be seperation anxiety. Try staying in the room until he falls asleep. Keep your hand on him or pet his head until he falls asleep. Talk or sing to him until he's drowsy. He just needs to know you're there!

[deleted account]

yeah we let both our boys cio at about 4 mos.. it worked pretty quickly.. only took 3 nights 4 with my younger to get it.. now they love bedtime, they know what to expect and just go to sleep ussually 30 min after i lay them down, theyre in the same room as well.. so no biggie to them they play and talk and go to sleep

Kelsey - posted on 12/16/2009

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I know he doesn't have an ear infection, because he is fine other than when I try to put him to sleep. He always has a new diaper and full belly every time I put him down so I know it is just because he wants mom or dad to help him to sleep. I try to let him cry it out and sometimes it works but it's hard because all he will do is stand up in his crib and cry, so I have to keep going back in there to lay him back down. I guess I will just have to stick to letting him cry until he gives up and starts going to sleep on his own.

Rebecca - posted on 12/16/2009

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Does he tug as he ears at all during the day or cry that seems to be in pain. If so it might be posible that he has an ear infection. When you lay him down the pressure of being flat might be hurting him. Try not to get in the habit fo letting him fall asleep in your arms. We di that with our son adn then we had to let him cry ti out. It was about a week or so before he was able to fall asleep in his own. They will cry yes but as long as the cying doens't change then he's fine. If he's crying after 15 minutes go in and just reassure him he's fine adn give another kiss good night. don't pick him back up or he will get what he wants and wait until the 15 minutes. Only go in once but again if the cyring changes go in. Only due this is the ear infection is ruled out by your Dr.

Good luck

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