sleepover w/ pot & alcohol

Paula - posted on 02/01/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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What would you do if you teenage daughter went to a supervised sleepover for a Sweet 16 birthday and found out the next day that there was pot and alcohol there? The girls smoked pot and drank in the girls' bed room. 4 girls' got sick.

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Saundra - posted on 02/01/2010

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You have to know that this is the age that kids start to experiment. I know it can be scary as a mom. But if you try to bust all her friends and make a huge deal about it, she will resent you and most likely try it again. Sit down and talk with her calmly and be open to how she feels.

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Rene - posted on 01/08/2013

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My step sons mother called the police when he shoplifted. It was a little while after that he begged to move in with my husband and I. Drugs are bad, it would depend on the quantity wether or not the police would get involved. For parents to sanction drugs is a big mistake and keeping your children away from these groups is probably paramount however teenagers do experiment and you may find ostracising someone because they have tried drugs is similar to convicting an innocent man particularly if it is a small amount and the police are not interested in taking it further. If the girls were sick you can use the sickness as evidence of how bad drugs are and show them pictures on the internet of other cases were people have been harmed by drugs. It is important to involve the teenager in the decision to obstain from any drug taking. I have always promoted day time activities so the teenagers need to be up early and therefore can't party too late. Staying to assist at the party would give you lots more input and the parent who is supervising would have you at their side so would be less likely to give into the teenagers. Finding out how the drugs were funded and stopping these funds would also assist the teenager to resist taking drugs although sometimes the novice supplier is so lonely because they are so naughty they have no friends they will just give the drugs to the teenager, then tell they teenager they owe them loads of money. You are lucky if you find out and can successfully plan to assist your child to make the right decisions. People who have successfully stopped teenagers form having drug problems are more likely to give you good advise so I would think very carefully before incriminating my child or their circle but ensure action is taken to stop this from occurring again. Tough one!

Firebird - posted on 02/01/2010

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If this party had been hosted by any responsible adults they would have called you personally to inform you that this party would have drugs and alcohol present and asked you if it was ok for your daughter to be there. Occasionally I went to supervised parties with alcohol and the supervising parents always talked to my mom about it first.
In your situation, I would be raising all manners of Hell. Even if the parents did not know that the girls had pot and booze, they should have been paying more attention. Just because they were in the house doesn't mean they were in fact "supervising" this party. I would talk to your daughter, find out where the drugs and alcohol came from, then call the parents and demand to know why they didn't ask you if it was ok for your daughter to drink/ do drugs in their house. I wouldn't recommend calling the police, I can't see any good coming from it.

Annette - posted on 02/01/2010

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I agree with some of the posts and disagree with others, yes you need to discuss this with your daughter find out where the drugs and alcohol came from, let her know that it is wrong and illegal and that she could end up in the juvinile system, depending on where the items came from parents or other students then you will know where to go to address the problem further, remember you need to do this delictatly otherwise you will alienate your daughter Good luck and God Bless

Laura - posted on 02/01/2010

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Inquire, inquire, inquire!!! Go in looking for how to help you daughter know what to do when things go wrong due to the choices other kids make. How did you find out? Did your daughter participate or did she decline? The answer to that would determine some of my response. If she was just and observing I would make a big deal about her restraint. I would also let her know that house was off limits and discuss the long term consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I constantly reaffirm my teens to call me anytime day or night if they are in a situtation they are uncomfortable with. I will come get them. My husband has gone out at 2 in the morning to rescue my teen when the car she was riding in was illegally parked and car got towed. It was her first time out after midnight and she saw what I meant when I said, "Not much good happens after midnight, trouble comes looking at 1am and it will find you by 2am."

Nikki - posted on 02/01/2010

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I agree with Saundra, you need to talk to her, but i think involving her friends and calling the cops is a little extreme and she will then begin to hide everything from you. At sixteen teens rebel, they experiment, think back to when you were that age. Yes it's wrong and she should know it's wrong and you should give her consequences, but at the same time if you go completely overboard she will not trust you to ever come to if she needs you, instead she will become sneaky and probably continue doing ti behind your back.

Casey - posted on 02/01/2010

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That's a tough one. Did your daughter tell you this? Was the supervisor aware? You don't want to punish or embarrass your daughter if she's come to you with the truth, but at the same time it's not really something you want her exposed to. Having a chat to the other parents, especially the supervisor, maybe the way to go. Otherwise obviously no more sleepovers there! But I know the sort of things my friends and I got up to at sleepovers that the adults didn't know about, and we were really quite tame in comparison to what others did. It might be wise to try find out if this is the first time or not as well. Hope this gives you some ideas, but it's a really tough spot to be in.

Nancy - posted on 02/01/2010

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First, don't overreact. Second, remember what it was like to be a teen and how curious kids can be and are. Third, figure out how to talk to your daughter about what happened, why it shouldn't happen again, and let her know that you love her and she can always come to you for advice no matter how bad the situation is. This is a tricky situation because while the things that happened are illegal, you also need to make sure your daughter knows she can talk to you about anything. If you go straight to the cops, you will be sending the message that it is wrong, but quite possibly you'll also be sending the message that if she gets in to trouble or a bad situation she can't turn to you because you'll call the cops or overreact or something along those lines. It's a tightrope act and definitely good to stop and think before reacting as often as possible. The other thing I'd do after talking to your daughter is to go and talk to the people that supervised the sleepover and see what their side of the story is. From there decide where you stand with the situation or future situations and explain to your daughter why she can or can't go to the house anymore. This situation may have effected her enough to stop her from trying anything for a while or she may be even more curious. Usually seeing the consequences instead of just talking about them work the best, but we can't do that anymore so I won't suggest it. Good luck and I hope you can find a balance because in the long run it will keep your daughter safer and your relationship with her happier.

Rachle - posted on 02/01/2010

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I would be really mad.. to a point i wouldn't tell my child you been there done that but I wouold let her know at the age its not right for her to do when she gets the right age if thats her thing then i will suport her. dont go hay wire and bee YOUR NEVER GOING OVER THERE AGAIN trust me when my dad said that made me want to go over there even more. Also build a "friendship" so she can call anytime day or night no questions asked like a pledge both of you have to sign. my daughter is only 5 i know its coming just glad its not here yet

Kim - posted on 02/01/2010

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Oh my the police.....First call the parents I am sure they had nothing to do with it. Next talk to your daughter she might resist but if you push too hard unfortunately you will be pushing her further away. I know prying usually never works but in this case I am sure she really needs to know you are there for her and if this ever happens again the police would be notified. And no computer life sure sucks for teenagers. Hope this helps....Kim

Kat - posted on 02/01/2010

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I wouldnt be letting my daughter anywhere near that house in future, plus look at whether anyone knew this was happenng etc... we will all have to face these issues in someway shape or form in the future Best of luck!!!

Liz - posted on 02/01/2010

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the way i see it is if the party was supervised by a responsible adult then the adult would have had to check on them every so ofte. so the adult should have known that there was drugs and alcohal being done in there house and besides that when you smoke pot there is a smell to it so the adults would have smelt it if they where actually there and maybe next time your daughter goes over for a "SUPERVISED" party maybe try talking to the parents to get better details

Sharon - posted on 02/01/2010

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i'd call the police and I'd have my daughter tested for drugs & alcohol.



Then she would be grounded from any more party type situations for the rest of the year.



I would also call every parent who had a child there, and the school officials to let them know some kids may be coming to school under the influence because of what happened at that party.



then I'd call the parents and rip them a new ass.

Bekki - posted on 02/01/2010

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was the pot smoking and drinking 'supervised'? Before filing charges I would find out if it was something the girls were sneaking in her room, or if it was sanctioned by the adult supervisor.
either way, I would have a talk with my daughter about pot/alcohol and try to figure out if she was doing it to fit in, or if she felt pressured, or if she just wanted to. I am assuming the 'got sick' part was due to drinking, hopefully they all got sick and learned their lesson. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Iridescent - posted on 02/01/2010

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I'd turn them in to the police and have a drug test run by them, plus file charges for contributing to the delinquency of a minor and using illegal substances. Just to start.

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