smack a baby?

Candyce - posted on 07/22/2009

Thank you Shane :). I like debates, lol.

@ Victoria - This is a great example of one thing working for one family, and not for another. My kids are the exact opposite. A timeout for them is basically free license to daydream. If whatever they've done isn't enough for a spanking, they get "dirty duties" on top of their regular chores. The plain old toothbrush is my favorite disciplinary tool. Baseboards, toilets, sinks, etc all sparkle when the kids act up. The youngest ones are still too little to realize cleaning isn't fun, so it won't work on them until they're a bit older. No matter which form(s) of discipline you choose, you do have to be consistent, as well as compassionate. No parent wants to discipline their kid, but even though you feel sorry for them, that doesn't let you off the hook. Follow through, explain what happened, and administer. Teach them reconciliation, just as Victoria said, by making them apologize and help repair any damage.

Victoria - posted on 07/22/2009

The term "smacking" connotates that you are hitting a child out of anger. The ultimate goal of discipline is to teach a child or guide a child down the right path for him/her. Smacking a child on any other body part than the bum is not safe. I found out that spanking my child on the rear never really worked. I think that spanking a child on the diaper got their attention when they were little but it really didn't take that to get their attention most of the time. The goal is not to hurt a child to get them to change it is to get them to see that what they are doing may hurt them or hinder them from going in the right direction. Consistency in discipline is essential and for each child it has to be different. My eldest, you could look at with a stern look, say no and he would melt. My other child, needed correcting almost all day, believe me I was tired. For the first child the discipline was no and a time out if necessary. My youngest was a time out in one place usually alone because he did not like it. My technique was to get down to their level, look directly in their eyes while holding them firm but steady and then I would say, "mommy is going to give you a time out now. I have asked you several times to stop. You did not obey me." I would time them out for each year of their age, 5 years old, 5 minutes. Then when the time was up, I would say, "you are sitting here because you hit your brother. Hands are not for hitting. You need to say you are sorry to me and then say you are sorry to _____." I would give them a hug at that point. There are so many tools to use other than the hand because often when you hit it is out of anger or frustration. There is a great book called Parenting the Heart of Your Child by Diane Moore. I hope that helps!

Shane - posted on 07/22/2009

Candyce, I appreciate your posts. You are very good at posting cool calm and collected posts in the heat of debate. I apprceciate that-and thanks for posting to my comment.

Wanda - posted on 07/22/2009

p.s. the biting issue that has popped up several times...just a note...the biting often happens along with teething ...offer something that they CAN bite!

Candyce - posted on 07/22/2009

Lisa, it didn't matter whether the moneylenders were his disciples or not; Love your neighbor as yourself, remember? Every human being was created in the image of God, and who would know that better than Jesus? As I keep saying, if you don't want to spank, great, your kids, your choice. But (and this goes for a lot of people) don't imply that parents who choose to spank are child abusers! It's simply ridiculous. Spanking DOES teach, I can say this from experience. As a kid, I knew exactly what I was and wasn't allowed to do, and I knew the consequences of all my actions. At first I obeyed because I didn't want a spanking, later, because I wanted my parents to be happy, then as an adult, I carried on those principles out of morality. It doesn't have to be a spanking, but it seems like any kind of discipline used on a child, especially a small one, is a bit like aversion therapy. If you offer the child a cookie if they don't do something, people call it a bribe. But if you stick him in a chair by himself, it's loving. Personally, I hate timeouts. They don't work, and they make my son resentful. A spanking hurts for a minute, but it's enough to remember. Never spank out of anger; if necessary, take a minute to cool down first (I've had to do that). Set guidelines, such as, you get one pop for each year of age, only spank on bottoms, etc. And then make sure your child knows what to expect BEFORE it happens. Make sure they know beforehand if they might get a spanking for something. And (my mother would have tripped over this one) don't leave a mark...

Glenda - posted on 07/22/2009

Well , I just have two things to say about this whole matter of smacking.1) I believe the Bible and that God has it for our example. What did he do to people that disobeyed.and 2) What was Sharon doing to that poor cat in her post.

Wanda - posted on 07/22/2009

having worked with kids for many years, I've heard all of the above views and more. A social worker I worked with at one point in time put it this way. A red mark that fades is discipline. A red mark that bruises is abuse.

Deb - posted on 07/22/2009

This is NOT about "hate" or "judgements" it is about educating others that for our violent society to CHANGE it must start with Parents and how they interact with their children PERIOD. WE AS THE PARENTS MUST TEACH RESPECT BY MODELING IT WITH OUR WORDS AND ACTIONS OURSELVES! You get respect when you GIVE RESPECT...



Time out when used consistantly and correctly teaches the child to think about what they just did and to make a better choice when the parent is not around. IT is NOT to punish them. It is to TEACH them to listen to your advice and for them to make better choices next time it comes up. When a parent spanks/hits at that moment if they hit hard/long enough they will get the child's attention temporarily to stop what they are doing in the presents of the parent. Then later on when the parent is not looking the child does it again...the parent hits them again...the child stops....then something else happens...the parent hits again...vicious cycle. If spanking really worked "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE IT???" Time out is meant to 'teach" the child to think about making better choices in those situations. Time out is used temporarily for the first few years unlike spanking it is used many times even up until the teens years. Many times the teen will be so angry they retalilate and physcially assault the parent/parents when they are now bigger and stronger to defend themselves. I've seen it a THOUSAND times this scenerio. Where in the world did spanking/hitting HELP these children??? One of the major responsibilities is for the parent to lay a foundation for the child to THINK for themselves in situations for now and in the future when we are not around. Hitting/spanking a child will cause the child to focus "ON THE PARENT'S BEHAVIOR TOWARDS THEM" NOT "WHAT THE CHILD JUST DID" "It causes the child to 'RESENT" the parent and they may begin to have feelings of hate or getting the parent back. This information is from YEARS of child/parent studies on how spanking/hitting shapes the childs thinking, conscience, having empathy towards others and understanding. Parents also need to understand that hitting especially girls is very very confusing especially when the Father is the one hitting them. These young girls come to believe that if someone loves you it is ok sometimes to be hit. In the line of my work, I come across young teen girls all the time that are in physically abusive dating relationships and they are SO CONFUSED! They say "why does he hit me?" "I love him and he says he loves me". They say "he gets mad at me when I don't do what he wants me to do". They stay in the relationship trying to "CHANGE" the guy instead of breaking up with him! They have ZERO SELF ESTEEM! I tell them that love and caring is NOT suppose to hurt. If you are reading this and you are a parent...what would you do if you found out a guy was hitting your teen daughter??? WHERE do you believe that good self esteem and making good choices starts with? I'll tell you...It starts with responsible loving parents who know about child development and how to be patient and caring for their young children while they are learning about this world we live in.



IT DOES NOT come from Parents smacking their children in the mouth when they bite..the child stops biting and is not thinking "I'll never do that again" they are feeling pain, confusion and humilation at the hands of the parent...IT DOES NOT come from Parents who 'CHOOSE" to control their children through fear and violence in front of others so they come off as "THE BOSS"...IT DOES NOT come from hitting a child in a store when they are obviously not understanding what they are suppose to be doing in the store...IT IS EASY TO HIT but takes much more control and patience to DO RIGHT BY YOUR CHILD AND NOT TO HIT THEM out of your frustrations and anger regarding a situation!



FACT....3 CHILDREN WILL DIE TODAY IN THE US AT THE HANDS OF THEIR PARENTS WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO SHOW THEIR "STRONG WILLED" CHILD WHO IS THE BOSS and in CHARGE. These children will be under the age of 3.

Minnie - posted on 07/22/2009

Interesting how people assume that if you don't spank you MUST use other punitive measures as well. Which I do not.

Jesus cast out people AND animals who were defiling the temple with animals that were not fit for sacrifice. He did not cast out his children (believers), his disciples, or actual children. He cast out adults who were sinners.

I've said it before, I believe people who use the Bible to justify corporal punishment of CHILDREN are interpreting it incorrectly. Even consider the hebraic word for 'son', which is na'ar, which can mean a grown son. Not a young child. Seems to me if you're going to interpret those verses literally, they should be applied to a grown son, in which all hope has been lost.

Kristin - posted on 07/22/2009

Geez guys! We all have an opinion, some of us are right and some of us are wrong! Some people thinkit's wrong to spank a child, but some believes it works! I personally believe in spanking, I am sorry but if MY child is acting up in a store or restaurant I'm going to spank him/her to make him stop. I HATE when parents let their kids to whatever they want and don't get in any trouble and run all over the place that's ridiculous and disrespectful to you as parents and to others around! I was spanked by my dad and mom and I have total respect for them, they are the "boss"! What they said should go! I have smacked my 2 year in the mouth for biting his twin sister a few times and then put him in timeout, hell it worked! He don't bite anymore! I don't abuse my children at all and spanking to a certain degree and smacking is very normal for a human being to do.

Wanda - posted on 07/22/2009

Empathy training is what you need to do. Say to the perpetrator: " Look at their face, How did that make them feel?" " Look at the tears in their eyes" Show them the Owie, make them look at it.

This does not cause immediate change, but it makes lasting change.



As far as biters, Give them their words. Children who are frustrated, want a toy, etc, but can not tell you will sometimes Bite to get the point across. Teach them to express their feelings with simple words or gestures(sign language).

If the child has an oral fixation, get them chew toys.

Shane - posted on 07/22/2009

There is no winning this debate, and as Darletta posted there is a lot of hate. It has taken me some time to come to terms with spanking my children-it is not an easy thing to do. Personally for my very strong willed children-time outs DID NOT WORK. "So, what-I have to sit for a little bit." Then they went right back to doing whatever they wanted However, spankings are not for every correction, nor for every parent and child. I find it very insulting to be spoken about like a child abuser when I would lay my very life down for any one or all of my children. Maybe we could all learn hold judgements from our fellow moms out there just trying to do the best they can.

Kimberly - posted on 07/22/2009

I have to say I don't think hitting is right to do to anyone!! I always tell my kids "hands are for helping not for hurting"

Kim - posted on 07/22/2009

A good judge said....... if some of these children in today's society would be diciplined with a spanking once in a while ~ we wouldn't have such a problem with these kids in the court system today. They have no respect since they never had the fear of their parents put into them.

I personally think a spanking when well needed should be given to show a child who is the boss. They should never have the upper hand in any circumstance until they know what is right and / or what is wrong. There is a difference between teaching or disciplining and abuse....spanking is not abuse. It's to teach them about guidelines and respect ...... if you seriously have a look in some school classrooms ......you will know who has respect for their teachers and who doesn't. It clearly shows when a child is not disciplined from home.

Most of these children are the biggest menace to society today. Look on the news!

High School shootings and kids running away just because they are spolied and getting killed in the process!

One child I met who decided to burn a house told me " I wish my parents were more strict like you when I was young because I didn't think they cared since I got away with everything....so nothing mattered".



BUT Everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion......Good luck :)

Kim - posted on 07/22/2009

A good judge said....... if some of these children in today's society would be diciplined with a spanking once in a while ~ we wouldn't have such a problem with these kids in the court system today. They have no respect since they never had the fear of their parents put into them.

I personally think a spanking when well needed should be given to show a child who is the boss. They should never have the upper hand in any circumstance until they know what is right and / or what is wrong. There is a difference between teaching or disciplining and abuse....spanking is not abuse. It's to teach them about guidelines and respect ...... if you seriously have a look in some school classrooms ......you will know who has respect for their teachers and who doesn't. It clearly shows when a child is not disciplined from home.

Most of these children are the biggest menace to society today. Look on the news!

High School shootings and kids running away just because they are spolied and getting killed in the process!

One child I met who decided to burn a house told me " I wish my parents were more strict like you when I was young because I didn't think they cared since I got away with everything....so nothing mattered".



BUT Everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion......Good luck :)

Cheryl - posted on 07/22/2009

There is obviously a lot of debate over this question. However, I, personally, find it wrong to smack, swat, or otherwise hit my child no matter what age or what he has done. My son has gone through a hitting stage (he is three), and how can I teach him that hitting is wrong and hurts if I hit him? To me, that is sending him mixed messages and not setting a good example for him. There are other ways to discipline and teach a child right from wrong. And if your child is in daycare where it is against the law to hit a child in any way, shape, or form, it is really sending mixed messages. I find it much more effective to use the same type of discipline at home they use in the daycare setting, because you get consistency, which is what a child of any age needs.

Jaime - posted on 07/21/2009

Darletta, of these prisoners, which one is a psychologist, sociologist, or criminologist? Have they studied behaviour and can say with absolute certainty that if their parents had spanked them they would not be in prison? I doubt it. And for all they know they were spanked or beaten to within an inch of their lives and have repressed the horrible memories which keeps them from understanding their violent behaviour, but certainly would explain why they were unable to rationalize right from wrong while committing whatever act that got them in prison in the first place. Just something else to consider...

Jaime - posted on 07/21/2009

"stay true to your beliefs no matter how you developed them"...there is something very wrong with that statement. Serial killers have beliefs that they stay true to, and it's likely that they developed them from abusive circumstances...possibly even spanking. Although that is an extreme example. If a parent is hit with belts or smacked or spanked when they are younger and decide that they should carry on with that practice, it is not justified, it's an excuse. Something that I find a lot of people ignoring is the FACT that discipline means 'teach', not 'punish'. Spanking WILL NOT TEACH children how to behave appropriately in life...it will only teach them what or who to avoid, so that they can avoid punishment at all costs. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me...

Candyce - posted on 07/21/2009

Thank you! I couldn't quite put it that way, though I sure tried, lol.

Darletta - posted on 07/21/2009

in reference to the people in prision being spanked, my husband is a corrections counselor at a work release facility and I can count the number of times he has told me that he has spoken with an inmate that said they wished their parents cared enough to have spanked them and made them mind so again for all those that complain about being spanked there are those who wish they had been as well flip a coin . even people who grow up in the same house same parents same rules for all will each one have a different take on whats right or wrong in degrees so again I dont think there is a right or wrong answer other than never spank in anger try other methods first and never let it go beyond just a spanking into a beating reguardless of the childs response

Candyce - posted on 07/21/2009

Darletta, you make a whole lot of sense, and your story could be true for most mothers, I think. Everyone has the right to choose what will work for their own families. What works for mine, probably won't work for anyone else's, but it works for us, and that's what counts.

Candyce - posted on 07/21/2009

Lisa, discipline does not come from the word disciple. They both have the same root: Middle English from Old English 'discipul' and from Old French 'desciple' both from Latin 'discipulus' (pupil) and 'discere' (to learn). Since you are willing to use Scripture, may I remind you that Jesus himself "cast out" those who were violating his Father's temple? Mathew 21:12, John 2:15, etc. Somehow, I doubt this was a time-out. Again, God condones corporal discipline (Ex 21:20-21; Prov 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15, etc), which is not to say that you MUST use it, but it's not a bad thing when handled wisely. On the argument that spanking a child is teaching them to hit when they don't like what a smaller person did, I beg to differ. If this was true, you could just as easily say that putting a small child in a corner or by himself for time out is teaching him that it's ok to isolate those you don't agree with. Same thing with handcuffs, prison, capital punishment, etc. They're sanctioned, but they're still teaching people that it's ok to put human beings behind bars, in restraints, or kill them just because we don't like what they're doing. It's not even a matter of LIKING the behavior; it's a matter of instilling what's right, lawful, and considerate. If I, as a mother, know that a weak little timeout is not going to work for my son, I'm not going to beat a dead horse and try to make my son respond to it. But if this mother knows that a swift smack on the butt is going to keep a lesson fresh in his mind, better believe I'm using that one. I would much rather have my son's behind smarting than have to go down and identify him at the morgue, bail him out of jail, or prevent my other children from associating with him for fear of his attitude rubbing off. You don't have to spank your kids if you don't want to, that's your right, as I keep saying. But I'm not about to let anyone on this earth infringe on my right to raise my own the way I see fit. There's a reason these were given to me and yours were given to you.

Darletta - posted on 07/21/2009

Well ladies I am new here and have been reading now for quit some time. It saddened me to see all the hate penned here. Better this way than in person. I recomend that the ladies that were so sure their way was the only right way do some internal searching to find why they feel so strongly for their view. Is it because of the way you were raised be it spanked or not, and how you felt about that. Or is it from a class you attended and became a learned behavior. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. So dont feel like you have to be made small or be the opposite and trying to make some one feel small. This is a topic that should be discussed before conception with the father of the child and an agreement made that both parents can live with. However life happens and as I have read the impulse reaction comes from what seems no where and a parent who swore they would never spank or strike their child has done so. Then what, no its not the end of the world, yes you will probably cry and feel terrible for a bit. But again life continues and the child is off playing without a care in the world while you are the one miserable. So my suggestion to you is take every day one at a time stay true to your beliefs no matter how you developed them as long as you also accept that at any given time you are allowed to change what you consider to be ok or not ok. . I have raised many children some my own and some for others, I started out believing that spanking was not needed and to use other forms of discipline. I too was a child of abuse that was going to break the chains. Unfortunatly my son was gifted and was able to pick up on what made people angry at a very young age so he would antaganise much older kids and even adults as he found humor in it because he didnt get spanked. When a two year old tells you they dont have to mind you and you cant make them they are smart enough to know they are in the wrong and time out all toys taken away tv everything one by one taken untill there is nothing but a bed in the room he is to stay in until he can earn one by one all his things back. He is allowed to come to table to eat then back to the room this goes on for a day and you start feeling terrible because hes so little and probly doesnt understand so you go to the room to talk to him yet again and low an behold every time he was out of the room he picked something up along the way and had a wonderful time making all new toys out of figurines flowers perfumebottles just many different things he could take with out you seeing and when you would go into check on him he would be laying on the bed looking oh so sad until that final time when he didnt hear you coming with his beautiful green eyes looking up at you he says Im not in trouble I dont get spanked . Sorry but my stand firm beliefs left and he received a spanking my hand to his little bottom three times he looked at me in dis belief and I learned that there was a time and place for everything my next three children all recieved loving swats be it on their hands for repeatedly touching things that could hurt them or on the bottom. I still believe in time out, removal from the situation , grounding , older kids making them write sentences as to why what they did was wrong. lots of things that doesnt hurt them physically or break their spirit. but deliberate defiance I vote for a spanking just enough to catch their attention but not more. So to the young lady who originaly asked the question for every yes you will find a no its something you just have to decide for your self sorry. I hope that you will find something I have said helpful good luck in your journey of raising children.

Minnie - posted on 07/21/2009

Candyce, discipline means to teach, coming from the word disciple- did I miss the parts where Jesus hit his own disciples who were lazy, critical, doubtful, disobedient, betraying, unfaithful, need I go on?

If spanking is discipline, aka, teaching, then you're going to be doing teaching all right- teaching your kids it's ok to hit someone when they don't like what that smaller someone is doing.

Johnny - posted on 07/21/2009

Thank you Deb, you said exactly what I've been thinking but am too frustrated to get out! I can not get over how many people are so uninformed about child development and appropriate correction & discipline methods. Like I said earlier in the thread, we all have our moments where things fly out of control or attention is needed in an emergency (you can bet I'll smack my kid if she's running away from me while we're trying to escape a fire), but utilizing corporal punishment has been virtually completely discredited as a disciplinary tool by the educational & psychology communities.

Charlie - posted on 07/21/2009

* applauds * could not have said it better Deb.

Deb - posted on 07/21/2009

Whew!!! Sitting here after reading the last few days posts! The frustration that I feel is over-whelming! First...I need to address "Everyone" that wrote about how it is "OK" to whip/spank/hit their children after their child has just hit a sibling/or another child. That sends a completely MIXED SIGNAL to the child and the parents truly believe they are TEACHING their child NOT TO HIT by hitting them back. It only teaches the child to make sure not to hit in the presence of the parents who hit them or at least for the parent not to find out. It TEACHES FEAR! It DOES NOT TEACH the child to change the behavior but NOT TO GET CAUGHT! In the moment the parent is the one making the decision not the child. We MUST TEACH our children to learn how to behave WHEN WE ARE NOT AROUND! I'm a Parenting Educator and I talk to hundreds of children that are being hit even teenagers and they all say the same thing....They do not respect their parents....they do not want to be anything like their parents...They have no relationship with their parents....they can't wait to get away from the parents...Many of them are teen girls...they end up preg. because of a lack of self-esteem from being hit over and over and looking for love, acceptance and nurturance. They find it anywhere they can because they surely haven't had it modeled from their parents. I go out shopping and find it incredible how many parents speak to their children. I was in a store over the past weekend and I heard a parent say to her young son....Well, do you want the F****** thing or not! This boy wasn't more than 6 yrs old. Then around the corner another parent hitting her son saying "if you hit you will be hit"! They don't deserve to have children if they are not going to TEACH them correct behavior with their own actions! How we interact with our children physically and verbally will have a long lasting effect on them. Did you know that over 79% of hard criminals in prison were spanked as children? What good did it do to help them make better choices. Or are you reading this and thinking maybe they didn't get spanked enough or hard enough! It is high time that we stop making excuses and model positive behavior when our children are just trying to learn how to be responsible, independant, nurturing, caring, helpful, loving. IT is time to STOP making excuses saying "I was spanked and I turned out ok" then that same person CONTINUES the abuse! IT is time to STOP gleefully bragging about hitting a 9 month old in a royal fashion like the child understood WHY he was hit. The child didn't run out in the road anymore not because he KNEW BETTER but because he was scared of being HIT again!

Kate CP - posted on 07/21/2009

I have no problems with spankings. Its the people who say they whip their kids' ass that bothers me.

Candyce - posted on 07/21/2009

@ Shane Crouch - Short and sweet, and totally on point! If you're a kid and you beat up your little sister, (in my house) you get your ass whipped. As an adult, if you beat up your sister, your ass is going to prison, period. Which would you rather your children learn from? I know I would rather have the discipline come from me, not the state.

@ Lisa Moreau - See the above answer. A spanking is not punishment, it's discipline. Prison is punishment. The difference is actually learning something. Merriam-Webster defines punishment as "2 a: suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution b: a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure. 3: severe, rough, or disastrous treatment." While many people may think a spanking is "disastrous", fact is, unless it was abuse, few, if any, adults are scarred by it. Even the ladies here who choose not to spank (which is their right and privilege as mothers) and were spanked themselves have said it didn't scar them for life. Merriam-Webster also defines discipline - "4: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character 5a: control gained by enforcing obedience or order b: orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior c: self-control." To spank or not to spank is a personal decision, one each family needs to make for themselves. I'm not sitting here trying to force mothers to spank their children, so I don't expect anyone to try to get me to stop. I think a lot of the conflict between spankers and non is simply a cultural and generational thing. Older generations, black and white (I'm just using the two as an example, I know there's more, lol), spanked their kids, for the most part. Now, proportionately more black parents spank than white parents. This is a lot of the reason spanking has such a negative effect of white kids. It's not normal, and it's not accepted practice, so the child acts out, rather than taking it as it was meant, possibl raising the chances of violence. Whereas a black kid know that every kid in his community gets their ass tore up, as my husband says, so it's no biggie. It's normal, it's always happened, and no one thinks to consider it abuse. Parents still love their kids, they're still supporting them, they just spank. Anyhow, I'm done with my rant now. :D

Blessed Be

Nicole - posted on 07/21/2009

Yes I have smaked,tapped , whatever you want to call it. But I have found with MY children a small tap on the hand a firm NO and the naughty chair or spot or rug has seemed to do for me. There is a VERY FINE line between disipline and abuse when it comes to kids. I was smaked as a child ( Not very often) But I think it was enough for me to understand that somethings were wrong and other things were ok. Babies are intelligent and they do understand from a very young age but you need to do what is right for you. And as for the bible...... Leave it out. Everyone has there OWN beliefs and do not need others to ram quotes and passages from it in their face.

Minnie - posted on 07/21/2009

Actually meghan, the passage about God chastising his children out of love has nothing to do with parental/child relations. That passage has to do with persecution of believers, and since Christ himself suffered persecution, so should believers. It's not to be taken as a justification for spanking your child.

Megan - posted on 07/21/2009

This is an interesting discussion. My father spanked sparingly, but the fear was always there and it made me think twice about my actions. I spank my children, but I do believe there are a few boundaries. I don't think anyone should spank when they are angry. It can get out of control. I also believe that spanking should be done for only the most serious offenses and/or if there is immediate danger and you need to get their attention. I have people ask me why my children are so well behaved at the dentist, in the store, etc. and I believe it is because they know my expectations of them and they have consequences if they don't meet them. It won't always be physical. It may be a discussion, time out, or loss of a privilege. I will say that I believe the Bible does have a place in this discussion. It is a guide for life. God himself says that he wouldn't chastise us if he didn't love us. If you don't correct your children (not necessarily physically), do you really love them? I also believe that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child, but that most certainly does not give anyone a right to beat, abuse or hit their child out of anger. Remain balanced and find out what works for your child. I have one that responds better to physical and one to loss of privilege, but my husband and I both agree that before and after a certain age, you should not or even need to hit your children. Lay the groundwork for faith, hope, love, respect and high expectations early and they will not depart from it.

Minnie - posted on 07/20/2009

Shane, spanking is not a consequence. It's a punishment. It's not a law of the universe that getting spanked is the natural consequence of such and such an action. Punishment brings nothing but fear and shame on a person.

Millie - posted on 07/20/2009

I had more than 5 children and the worse thing to do is to smack or yell or bite when they disobey the thing that worked for me was grabbing them close to me look them in the eyes and say no many times when they hit or grab take their tiny hands in your hands and say no that's not nice it might sound corny and yes sometimes u might want to stop repeating yourself over and over again but like with anything else in life it takes time to learn and apply. The reward is amazing

Shane - posted on 07/20/2009

Guess what folks-sometimes consequences hurt. We can learn it early or we can wait until our lives are falling apart because no one ever taught us.

Marilyn - posted on 07/19/2009

This is for Emma. Correction does not necessarily mean to "smack" a child. As I said, parents must be clever and devise ways to "correct" their children. Correction is delivered in many ways other than "smacking." It is because we love our children and want them to learn right from wrong that we correct our little ones - Children want and need to know limitations and have some sense of direction in their lives. It starts at young ages. I regret that you misunderstood my comment about "correction and love." For Example: A parent cannot be in the midst of smacking a child and telling them, "I do this because I love you." That IS ridiculous and could cause some serious problems!

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2009

a child is who is developing on time can be disciplined starting at age 18 months.. at this age they can start to understand right and wrong. the state of wv allows spanking a child as long as an adult does not leave any marks. hitting a child is wrong and against the law. i was spanked on the butt as achild. i do spank my 3 yr old on the butt only on occassions i feel that is deserving. biting, hiting her 4 month old sister, bad language are some examples- followed by reinforcement of good behavior. i always verbally explain why she's in trouble.. to answer ur question, a child under a year should never be smacked, honestly a child under 18 months cannot understand the concept of discipline yet.

Sarah - posted on 07/18/2009

I think under a year the only thing to tap them if you've tried removing them from the situation and they keep going back. Some children if you remove them and tell them no it works some it doesn't and so they don't injure themselves you gently pop their hand and tell them no. As far as spanking I got spanked as a child and I learned not to do whatever I had done to get spanked. It worked for me. However my daughter is more stubborn than I was and I can spank her all day and she will continue to do what she wants. Taking away a privelege is more a punishment for her than a spanking. She dosen't respond to spankings except by crying but if I take away a favorite toy or tv show or make her go to bed early she is more likely to stop doing whatever she did to get in trouble. It totally depends on your individual child.

Jenni - posted on 07/18/2009

This depends on your definition of smack. My children got light hand pops to get their attention as soon as they started crawling and getting into things. I "popped" their hands lightly with two fingers and said no then moved them away whatever they should not have been messing with. My daughter is now nearly 2 and all I have to do is tell her no now and she listens. I am a firm believer that spankings are a good and valuable form of punishment, but they don't work on every child and their is a huge difference between spanking and beating. To me a spanking is three swats on the bottem with your hand so you know if you are hitting a child too hard.

Emma - posted on 07/18/2009

I dont realy belive spanking helps i like the naughty cornner. But I have smacked my todlers hand, it was the only way to get him to stop. I think sometimes a fright drives the point home. To this day he has never again pulled the plug out of the wall and tryed to poke somthing inside.

Judith - posted on 07/18/2009

Why have a child and give it to a child minder to bring up? Leaving a child with a minder for 13hours !!!! no wonder your child bit you.

Anna - posted on 07/18/2009

never smack a baby is my opinion -a little pat on the behind when they are three years and older never hurt no one

Jennifer - posted on 07/18/2009

YIKES! Ok I did not read this entire thread but from what I DID read and from what Ive read on the bazillion threads on this same topic everyone is STILL getting this Bible quote WRONG. I'm not going to tell you to accept it as what you should do if you choose not to believe in it or do what it says but I am tired of people misquoting. The DIRECT quote (and this is from 3 different translations) that you are referring to is Proverbs 13:24

" He who spares his rod hates his son,

But he who loves him disciplines him diligently"



In no translation I have found does it EVER use the term "spoil" but rather "hate."



Like I said, do with that scripture as you wish (follow it, ignore it, etc.) I can't tell you what to do but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop misquoting it, it drives me crazy!!!

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

Another way to look at it is if you can't understand them, they can't understand you! So they wouldn't understand discipline.

Angie - posted on 07/18/2009

That makes sense, Amanda! Without verbal skills, all they know is they're getting hit!

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

I would also like to add that as I am involved with a program called Brighter Futures, a branch of DoCS, they consider any child that cannot express their wants and needs through confident communication is too young to discepline through smacking

Angie - posted on 07/18/2009

If you could see photos of children whose parents have left bruises and marks all over their little bodies, it would deter from ever spanking. I have a 19 and a 13 year old and have spanked/slapped both of them when they were younger, but I think it's totally wrong. The times I did so was due to MY frustration, and MY lack of problem solving. We have all been tired, fed-up, frustrated as moms, but our kids do not know what's going on in our day. I was spanked, and my smart mouth was slapped a lot(!), and yes, I'm fine. But I never felt good after I hit my kids, and I think it just diverted attention from the real issue, which was their disobedience, or whatever it was they did wrong, They aren't thinking about anything but how much they hate you for hitting them! My oldest also was a biter, and left a bruise on me. We tried everything, including biting back, to no avail. He would bite whenevery he got overly excited; just lacked the verbal skills at the time to express himself. Know what finally worked? Taking away the tv for a week. I have always believed that teaching kids consequences for their behaviors is the purpose of discipline. And in the grown up world, you can't go around hitting people when they displease you. I think it sends the wrong message, but I wouldn't judge someone for using this method. That being said, babies should never, ever be hit, and I consider anyone under three to be a baby.

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

If you walk into any public health area that deals heavily with children, there are signs up everywhere with information about smacking as a discepline. They mainly read, don't hit your child around the head or spine area, never with a closed hand and never with more force than would leave a temporary redness. I don't say that smacking is right or wrong as I am undecided. But I guess it is up to the parent

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

If you walk into any public health area that deals heavily with children, there are signs up everywhere with information about smacking as a discepline. They mainly read, don't hit your child around the head or spine area, never with a closed hand and never with more force than would leave a temporary redness. I don't say that smacking is right or wrong as I am undecided. But I guess it is up to the parent

Mel - posted on 07/18/2009

ok it wont let me reply with quote but i like Candyce's post. good on you for sayyou believe in. i find myself being careful what i write on here for fear of those hollier then thou mothers telling me how wrong i am lol. am also shocked to read that soap in the mouth is illegal in england. this is the best punishment for a child with a trash mouth and whats better is you can use it til they are teenagers, worked for me and my cousins