so this is a kinda a dumb question but i have a 15 month old son and a baby on the way. they will be 22 months apart. my son is the only grandchild and has never had to share the spotlight with anyone any ideas on how to make the tranistion easier for him and avoid some of the jealousy issues as much as i can?

Hollie - posted on 11/10/2008

my children are 10 months apart. From the time I was showing and my daughter started to notice my stomach I would sit her on my lap and facing my stomach and we would talk to the baby together. When my son was born, my daughter had a hard time with allowing me to feed my son becasue she wanted the attention. so I made her a part of the ritual. i let her help hold the bottle, or the burp rag. I would sit her in the rocking chair or on the couch with me while I was feeding him and would read her a story or talk with her.

Christy - posted on 11/09/2008

My kids are 19 months apart. I talked to Caleb and included him in every way possible. I also had a baby doll that was his "baby sister" and talked tohim about how to treat her and read him books. But i think most importantly it is important to make sure that your older child gets the attention he needs. good luck sweety!

Dawn - posted on 11/09/2008

One of my friends did this (hers are 26 mo apart) and I repeated it with my 2 boys too (23 mo apart). When someone comes to visit, in the hospital, at home, wherever you are, have them say hello to the older boy. Don't even acknowledge the baby. Tell them to spend 5 minutes or so with your son before seeing the baby. It's a VERY simple solution to a very common problem. And, of course, involve him as much as possible with the baby. Oh! And something I had my husband start to do is special alone time with the older one. Every other week just the two of them go and do something together like, go get breakfast, go to the store, go on a walk or the park. It doesn't have to be expensive or long. One or 2 hours is perfect. My older boy LOVES this!!

Kerra - posted on 11/09/2008

talk about the baby a lot and how hes going 2 b a big brother and that he can give all his baby toys 2 the baby

we had a doll as well witch he would bath and play with and we also let him help change nappies ask he 2 pass the nappie or wipes and say what a great big brother is was,we also brought him a gift and said it was from his baby brother we would sit him down and put the baby on his lap (we would help hold him) try not 2 keep saying not

touch the baby be quite babys sleeping let he show the baby of ask people 2 say 2 him can i have a look at your baby brother/sister he will love that well mine did it was his baby brother he was proud he was the big brother

Erin - posted on 11/09/2008

I just had a baby in July and my son was almost 3 when the baby came. Like your first, my 3 year old was the first and only grandchild and I was worried about jealousy. There will inevitably be some, no doubt, but I took my 3 year old on " Mommy - Dylan" days shortly after the baby's birth. Every weekend, my husband or I or the grandparents would take him and have a day just for him. This seemed to help him understand that we don't love him any less. I don't know if this will help, but it worked for me!!!

Mary - posted on 11/09/2008

SOmething I forgot to mention is to praise your son to other people, but really be genuine. Kids can sense when it is fake. Tell people what nice things your son did for/with the baby,etc. Do it when your son can overhear, but is not standing right there. They feel good about that . (If they are right there they can feel put on the spot.)

Mary - posted on 11/09/2008

Get some special little (and inexpensive) toys, crayons, whatever he likes. It could be matchbox cars, stuff from the dollar store, whatever. Then get small inexpensive gift bags and stickers. (Walmart has small bags that are like colored lunch bags in the gift wrap aisle). Keep them hidden and give one to him every time someone visits the baby and especially if they give a gift for the baby. People often forget the older child. The next idea is to have him pick out a gift for the baby, and let him be the first one to give the new baby a gift. Also, when the baby is born, and even now, refer to it as his baby. This is for your baby, do you want to hold your baby, etc. Definitely let him hold the baby right away. It works well if someone sits next to your 15mon old, puts their arm around him to hold the head. That way they are already in position to take over. You can also put the baby on a pillow, which makes it easier for the toddler to be able to hold. The last idea I have is to talk to him about what to expect, and maybe even role play how to handle situations. Like, give him some ideas of what he can do if he feels like the baby is getting more attention than him, help him figure out (and practice!!) what he can do to get in on it. Perhaps bringing the baby the pacifier, or talking to the baby, or asking mom or dad, grandma, whoever, to play with him for a little. Because if you don't give him ways he can appropriately ask for what he needs, he may do it in inappropriate ways. Let the grandparents in on the act and tell them that it is important that he be involved and included. Also, when grandma or someone is holding the baby, you or daddy or whoever can play with the older child. Use that as an opportunity to continue your special bond with your toddler. Hope this helps. Expect jealousy, because you can't avoid it entirely, but also realize that it will all be fine. This is a learning experience for your toddler. He will soon realize that he can do things that the baby cannot, and that he is still special himself. It is an adjustment, but I found that I loved having both kids, and it was actually easier having the older one with a baby. I didn't have time to be worried, depressed, etc. My older son really kept me busy and occupied. It was actually easier having the second than the first. Don't worry. There will be some hitting of the baby, it's inevitable, but it's pretty normal - they just don't know how to express what they are feeling. My son hit the baby a couple of times, but I just said things like "I know you feel (fill in the blank), and that makes you sad, but it is not okay to hit. That hurts the baby." and then still give a time out (or whatever you do in your house). I found that helping my older son voice what he was feeling really helped. And the grandparents didn't forget about my older son. They all made sure they paid attention to him, too.

Anne - posted on 11/09/2008

It is really important that visitors acknowledge your son first and foremost. If possible, even keep the baby in another room to allow time for your son to visit and feel important, then bring the baby out. Always have a spare gift (does not have to be anything major) set aside in case the visitor only brings something for the baby. It'll be fine - it's all part of life!

Lisa - posted on 11/09/2008

Hey J'lynn all kids are different you alone know how your son is acting and you alone can help him in this transition of being an only kid to having a brother or sis.

But most of the moms haveit right I have two boys who are years apart. My first son was like yours the center of attention but I go him involved from helping me picking out baby clothes to baby names.And don't forget when your new bundle of joy comes an u come home the first thing to do is hug him. Let him help with the baby explane he is the big brother now. He may do things wrong don't be angry correct him.

Take it easy don't stress and Good luck

Carrie - posted on 11/09/2008

I have three children each 17 months apart. When my second was born, my first really didn't pay any attention to her at all. We would say, "Do you want to give her a kiss?" and she would say "No". We accepted that without any question, and knew she would decide when the time was right for her. When Chloe (our second) began sitting up and crawling, Anna (our first) thought tragedy had hit!! When Chloe would crawl toward Anna, Anna would run in the other direction crying, afraid that Chloe was "going to get her". We let her go through those feelings and talked to her about it (as parents it was clearly frustrating!!!). It wasn't until Anna was about 2.5 yrs and Chloe about 13 months, that things really changed! Now Anna and Chloe are the best of friends...they love playing together...sure they fight too...but that's all normal. And when Zacharie came along, it was completely different. Both Anna and Chloe thought he was the best thing ever!!! So you never know how they will react.

Heidi - posted on 11/09/2008

I have 3 boys, age 11, 8 and 3. I treat them fairly, and don't take sides. The 3 brothers fight, but they love each other very much. You will see as soon as your baby is born the other one will instantly grow up. He won't be a baby anymore, he will be the BIG brother. Involve him with the baby, ask him to fetch the the nappy, or the dummy or the wet wipes, as long as he stays part of the whole process he will be fine. Good luck and enjoy!

Sarah - posted on 11/08/2008

I got a book that is called something like "I'm a Big Brother Now". If you go to the book store now and tell them your situation, there are several books to read to the older siblings. Also, talk alot about the things that your older son can do that the baby can't-eat hamburgers, watch movies, play at the park etc. Also, have a special Mommy/son time where your husband watches the baby. Go for an ice cream, the library etc. Make it REGULAR so he can look forward to it and make it special, just the two of you. These worked well for my kids, they are 2 1/2 years apart

J'Lynn - posted on 11/08/2008

thank you so much to all of you moms or people that have a sibling as close in age as mine will be. i have some really good ideas and will just take it as it comes and enjoy every minute of it. im so excited :) again thank you for your advice

Athena - posted on 11/08/2008

I just gave birth a month ago and my kids have 21 months apart. My son is also the only grandchild from both sides of my families and is blessed to have a large family from both sides that give him plenty of attention. In the beginning its a big help if he gets the attention from as many people in your family as possible to take the spotlight off your new little one. I found the more I tried to just make it seem like she wasn't even there...helped him get used to her as the days passed. Many times I find myself holding my daughter in my arms and still getting down on my hands and knees to play with him and he doesn't even realize she's there. Try avoid the "no" don't do this or "no" don't touch that because I found he just wanted to do it more. Divert his attention to something else whether its something on tv or a toy. well congrats and good luck

Antoinette - posted on 11/08/2008

My children were about 22months apart as well the best advice I can offer is keep the eldest child involved in everything you do for example when bathing get your child to wash bubs feet while you are bathing the baby. While changing nappies get the eldest to help by bringing the wipes by keeping the first child envovled they have a sense of belonging and helping and it also helps with the adjustment period. When playing games you must always include the oldest child and get him to wait his turn and praise him highly when he does so. Good luck and enjoy.

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2008

I ask the same question....My son is the first grandkid, and he is 3 and I am 7 months pregnant too...So a few things I have been told was...Instead of having the grandparents bring a gift for the new baby to the hospital, have them bring something small 2 year and make it seem like he is big and doing a big thing for his new baby...Also I have found the my son does alot better with the baby when he gets to pick the toys and walkers out for the baby....If he feels like he is making all the decisions he doesnt seem to have a problem with it but as soon as my husband or I do something with out him he gets very emotional and mad...Also make him feel like he is putting the babies room together and all that..

Sheila - posted on 11/08/2008

Hi This is not a dumb question and I have 3 kids. First make a big brother T-shirt with him...he can wear it to the hospital to visit the new baby...2nd ...take him to the store to pick out a new present for the new baby....again he can bring this to the hospital when he comes to visit....when he visits make a really big deal about him...and how he is going to be the best big brother ever...also....make sure....now this is important....you must have a special mommy present for him...u can say that u and the baby went shopping and u and the baby picked this out for him because you knew he was a very special big brother and that he would really like it!! Hope this helps good luck

Tanya - posted on 11/08/2008

my 2 oldest are just 18 mnths apart, and the oldest was also the first grandchild, and boy did she get spoiled... the best thing is to have your oldest be involved w a lot of things. I let mine help w the diapers, the bottles, and just enjoy time together. have special one on one time w your son, when they r still young like that, they get used to new things very easy. good luck and if you have any more questions, you can always ask, now my oldest is 12 and i have a third little girl who is 6. so i went thru it all and now i'm heading into the teenage years.. oh boy!!!

Shelley - posted on 11/08/2008

Sory - I allow my son to have alone time with me, or to be truly alone with his own thoughts and toys, whatever he needs.



The first couple of months are hard, lack of sleep, that guilty feeling that you are leaving someone or something out... Staying calm is the very best advise. Once you find your groove, you'll feel much better. Stay calm and remember, the housework will still be there tomorrow.



My son was very young, and I did not start explaining the baby in my tummy and what it meant until the birth was near. I didn;t need 9 months of where baby?

User - posted on 11/08/2008

Well as a mom of 15, 9 birth and 6 adopted, my advice is to involve your older child as much as possible with the new baby. His sister/brother is as cute as him. I never had a problem of my older child being jealous because I have never pushed the older children away. If you are calm in the transition then you child will be calm. I think 22 month is a great spacing in age. Children are truly a blessing.

Marie - posted on 11/08/2008

My first two were 13 months apart and # 3 and 4 were also 22 months apart both times when I was in the hospital I made sure to get the older kids big sister/brother presents because everyone was bringing gifts for the baby also i think letting them help bring you a diaper or bottle really makes them feel less jealous and more helpful

Shelley - posted on 11/08/2008

Mine are 16 months apart, and we rarely have jelousy issues. My daughter "gave" her new big brother a big stuffed bear when she got home from the hospital. He sleeps with it every night. I involved him in her care as much as I could, and we spent a lot of time watching her together and touching her gently together. Now he is her hero, and when he starts to act out because he wants some time alone, I make sure to give him his time alone, with or without me. He was the only grandchild, and grandparents are pretty good about it - they have more experience with sibling rivalry than we do. :)

Crystal - posted on 11/08/2008

Just make sure that he has things that are just his, that he doesn't have to share. Then he won't feel a total loss of control. My two oldest are 17 months apart. I found that while feeding the new one, I needed to first give the older one something to do. The public health nurse actually suggested a movie or something like that. That was probably my hardest challenge, my oldest would get into trouble when I was nursing. It's like they know just when is the perfect time! Other than that, my oldest didn't have problems not being in the spotlight. I just made sure that he was involved a lot, and that he was given the same attention as he was getting before the baby.

Kelly - posted on 11/08/2008

I have the same situation and now have my third. My BEST advise is to never say no to the oldest when he is around the baby. Rather say, gentle with baby. He will feel more a part of things that way. Good luck, he'll be fine!

Elke - posted on 11/08/2008

Hi J'Lynn - I have 3 children of my own and they are all 23 mnths between them. When they were younger, I always tryed to include them in the events for all the other children. Ie - Scans, helping set up things. I used to let them help for a party etc and they would always get a little gift or something too..

It is awlays not possible but trying to find seperate alone time for the older 1's etc is often helpful, time with the gparents, the parents and other close people aswell as good family time..

Good luck hope all goes well

Cliodna - posted on 11/08/2008

My 2 oldest are 24mths apart. the best advice I got (after trying to get my son to love his baby sister) was to seperate them when ever possible, when someone asks what can I do answer take the older child to the park or for a walk or for Ice-cream or something else he enjoys. Soon enough, a couple of weeks, my oldest wanted to come home to see 'his' baby. I now have 4 and they all get along really well.

Paula - posted on 11/08/2008

We just had our 2nd, they are 24 months apart. They are also the only grandchildren on both sides of the family. We tried to get Lochlan as involved as we could. he came to every midwife appointment and they let him listen with the stethoscope, pump the blood pressure cuff, measure my belly. We also had him play with putting diapers on his stuffed animals, got him a baby doll and a doll stroller, just really tried to get him involved in the pregnancy so that he would be excited to get involved with the baby.
Now that my 2nd son has arrived, there are times when he gets upset with Daddy for holding Keane, but he has not been mean to him as of yet. He likes to help with the diaper changes and getting my breastfeeding pillow. Grandma and Grandpa are still focused on him because they can pay more attention to him and actually play with him while I'm usually the one holding my younger son as I still do all the feeding and changing and whatnot.

Tori - posted on 11/08/2008

My kids are only 13 months apart so I thought it would be tough to introduce my daughter (the 2nd and last) But I chose to make my son apart of what we did. I did let him come to one of my ultrasounds and hear the babys heartbeat, he thought that was cool. Each child needs their alone time and special treats no matter what. It helps promote indiviualism and makes them feel special on their own. I'm sure you will find your own way to handle this and no matter what both of your children will feel loved by you.

Kristina - posted on 11/08/2008

i HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS AND THEY ARE 11 MONTHS APART.. AND IT WAS HARD BUT WHAT I DID WAS WHEN THE BABY GOT ATTENTION FROM OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS I WOULD TAKE MY OLDEST OUT FOR A TOY OR TAKE HER AND SPENED TIME WITH HER AND NOW SHE GETS ALONG WITH HER. THERE ARE TIME WHERE SHE IS MEAN TO HER BUT HER SISTER IS MEAN BACK...BUT IT GET ALOT HARDER WHEN THEY GET OLDER BECAUSE THEY WANT THE SAME THING THE OTHER HAS...BUT THAT IS WHT I DID... JUST MAKE SURE THAT THE KIDS KNOW THAT U STILL LOVE THEM EVEN THOUGHT THERE IS ANOTHER BABY ARAOUND... TRY AND GET HIM TO HELP WITH THE BABY... MY OLDEST LOVED HOLD HER AND LAYIN WITH WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER... MY KIDS ARE GOING TO BE 1 AND 2 SO IT IS HARD.... AND THEY WILL BE THE SAME AGE FOR 2 WEEKS...

Yesenia - posted on 11/08/2008

My kids are 4 years apart, so my son was the #1 for quite some time. What helped a lot was including him and making him a part of helping take care of the baby. Your son will still be young to actually do much, but little things like allowing him to hold, touch, hug, kiss the baby without any to overprotective "be careful" moments will help him to accept the baby. Another is to have together and alone time with each other, what you do with him now; for instance if you read him at night before bedtime, make sure you continue to do this when the baby arrives. But don't worry too much about it, everything will be just fine.

Elise - posted on 11/08/2008

This is so not a dumb question!! We were in the same position not long ago. I got my older son a gift 'from the baby' that he got at the hospital. All the attention he always got from the family came in handy because he was perfectly comfortable hanging out with them while I got aquainted with the new baby. We didn't really have any trouble. Just try to keep organized for when the big day comes. Be prepared with everyone's bags packed and phone #'s ready. The less stressed you are, the easier it will be for everyone. Good luck to you! Congrats!

Kari - posted on 11/08/2008

I have 4 kids... the first 2 are 21months apart, every two years after... some of the things that have helped have been... GO OUT just you and hubby and get him used to you sharing time with out him. Make sure when the baby comes you have snacks, treats and a new toy for him to play with so he wont notice you can't be right with him, make it special. Look after somone elses kids and show siblings in a light that a sibling will be so fun to playwith... when it gets bigger. And the most important lesson I learned with my boys is PUT the Baby somewhere safe!!! seriously... playpens are not a bad place when you need a shower etc... that he can't clim into ... yes that has happened! My kids have learned to love and accept eachother very well... they keep on asking when the next one is comming. It is so much fun having more than one... after the first year... take heart Congrats!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2008

my two boys are 29 months apart and as soon as i knew i was pregant i talked to Trent all the fun things that go along with being a big borther. i also let him go see some of my sonograms.. so he could see his baby borther in my tummy... and he was excited about seeing it.. i also bought him a baby doll ... so when i needed to do something with his borther he could do it with "his Baby" like feeding it or diapering it ... it really helped keep him from temper tantrums when i had to give Chris the attention i wish you luck

Nikki - posted on 11/08/2008

I have 14 months between my son and daughter. When I was about 6 months pregnant (he was 11 months) we started to talk to him about the baby. He would cuddle up with me and feel her kick, and he would 'poke' her back. He 'read' stories to her, and he helped me set up her bassinet and make the bed. Two weeks before she was due (which turned out to be the day before she was born) we put a doll in the bassinet, kissed her goodnight and pulled the music box. The following morning when I went into labour, Mum came to pick him up but by that time things had progressed to far. I ended up having her at home, he stayed in the lounge with Grandma and then came down to see his baby sister straight away. He gave her kisses and cuddles, gently rubbed her head, and 2 weeks later was protecting her from a certain jealous boy that came to visit. He has been the most caring, loving big brother you could ever imagine. The important thing is to make your son feel loved, and not excluded. Get him involved in everything.

Lynette - posted on 11/08/2008

I got pregnant when my niece was just over 2yrs old...And she LOVED all the attention she got from the family...To get her ready, or at least alright w/ the fact, for sharing Grandma & Grandpa I involved her as much as possible w/ my pregnancy...Let her feel the baby kicking...Help pick out baby clothes (and also new things for her)...Just don't let them get pushed to the back of the line...Even at my baby's baby shower, we had some gifts for my niece as well...It helps if everyone doesn't constantly go right to the new baby, but takes the time to notice the older sibling as well :o)

Ivy - posted on 11/08/2008

My kids are 19 months apart and we took the transition seriously. We talked about it with our son about the baby being in my tummy and showed him pictures of himself as a baby. I brought all the baby stuff out of storage a few weeks early and he got a doll that used all of the stuff. He tried stuff out too! We practiced being gentle with the doll and talked about how the baby would be small and we needed to be gentle. The most important piece of advice that I got and followed was that when the older sibling is brought to the hospital to meet the baby and of course see Mommy, the baby is in the bassinet and Mom and Dad (any other family member present) have open arms to hug him so he does not feel displaced. Then check out the baby with him. We also gave our son a small gift as did a few of our friends who brought baby gifts. We also reminded grandparents to say hello to him like normal before going gaga over the new baby. He has loved his sister from day one and jealousy has not been an issue. G

Staci - posted on 11/08/2008

There is exactly 22 months between my brother and I. Being 33 now, I feel like I can give a bit of advise about what not to do as far as being in the same type shoes your children are going to be in. As the oldest child wants to help nurture the new baby, that is great and should be encouraged. To ask the older child to care of the baby or expecting them to help care for it is a big no no. As the kids age, the older sibling will develope parent ideals towards the younger child and you can see how that wouldn't be good. Parents are parents and kids are kids, but kids aren't supposed to be little mommies and daddies. I recall being asked all the time to watch my younger brother until I thought I was able to correct and disipline him even though I myself was a kid too, but my parents allowed it to happen by encouraging my care taking of him. You are so blessed to get to have another child. This is a huge time of transition for your whole family and I wish you the best in the world and pray that blessings are on you as you increase as a family. Wisdom comes along with it and things will work themselves out. As long as your big boy continues to see that mommy loves him and the baby, everything will be fine.

Kylee - posted on 11/08/2008

I am pregnant with our 4th child. Our oldest will turn 5 shortly after this baby is born. The only real problem we had was that I wasn't allowed to pick our oldest up after our 2nd was born. Once I started picking her up, the problems disappeared. My suggestion is to make time for your oldest...& still continue some of the things you do now. Our oldest really enjoys picking out baby's clothes. I think most of it depends on the childs personality.

Ashley - posted on 11/08/2008

My girls are 22 months apart and my oldest was the first grandchild as well. The best thing I can tell you is to show your oldest how to be gentle with the new baby and show him appropriate ways to play/touch the baby. My oldest wanted to kiss the baby all the time. I made sure I gave her the opportunity whenever she asked. Then, I also just let her cry when she said she needed something and I was busy with the baby. When she asked for milk, I said she needed to wait until mommy was finished feeding the baby. She didn't like it at first and just cried. I let her get her frustration out by crying and she eventually got used to having to wait.

Lacy - posted on 11/08/2008

I have heard that it helps when you involve the child in a lot of the new baby's care. Make them feel important. For example, praise him for being such a wonderful big brother for bring you a diaper or helping you feed the new baby. Give him little jobs and making some private time for him and you. Good luck!

Leigh-Ann - posted on 11/08/2008

I have two children - 16 months apart - she was the only grandchild also. My suggestion, get your son involved now. Show him where the baby will sleep, have him help you get the clothes ready, have him do little jobs for you now that you continue to do when the baby is born that sort of thing. My daughter loves the fact that she gets to 'help' with her baby brother. I also try to give them alone time with me and with my husband to make them both feel special.



Everything will work out and even if he does show a little jealously - it will pass with time so don't stress out!! :) Good luck

Lynette - posted on 11/08/2008

Don't waste time now worrying about something that is a months away. I had 2 boys, 2 years apart and never had a real problem with sharing the spotlight. My oldest was proud of his baby brother. Include your son in everything you do with and without the baby. And try to spend some special time alone with both, once the baby is born. They enjoy it and so will you.

Enith - posted on 11/08/2008

I have 3 kids and one stepson..what I did was go shopping with them and let them help me pick out things the baby would need. I also would get my son who was 12 months at the time to talk to the baby in my womb, sing or read to her. For birthdays it's always good to get him/her a small gift. After the baby is born you can include him/her to help you with little things for the baby so that way he /she feels special and needed. Hope this helps...

Jeannie - posted on 11/08/2008

Hi J'Lynn my two boys are 26 months apart. When I found out that I was expecting again. I start talking to Tatom about being a "big brother" and how this was going to be "his" baby. He was and still is so proud of his little brother Jackson. They are now 12 and 10 but Tatom has for the most part always been a good big brother. Tatom did not view Jackson as a threat but as "his baby" and took pride in helping me with every part of his care. I hope this is helpful and wish you the best. Jeannie

Deborah - posted on 11/08/2008

I have only 1 child, but had this issue with neices/nephews. Make sure your son gets special alone time with you & hubby and when gifts are given to the new baby, it's always nice to have a little something for your son to open too, the same with birthdays. When he's older, you can explain to him that it's his or hers special day and today we celebrate him/him and then when it's your special day, we celebrate you. That's only if you want to, we always gave a little something to the sibling too, but that's just us. Good luck and congratulations!