Spank or no spank?

Monica - posted on 02/18/2010 ( 111 moms have responded )

21

56

7

My daughter is 15 months old and she's always getting into trouble. I'm pretty sure she knows the difference between right and wrong. I tell her "No" all the time. I remove her from the situation and give her something else to do that won't get her in trouble but 30 seconds later, she's getting herself into trouble AGAIN. This is a constant thing. So I'm wondering if I should spank her, that way she'll learn and stop? If not, what else do I do?? I need your HELP ladies, please!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Becky - posted on 02/18/2010

2,892

44

92

Here in Canada, it is actually illegal to spank a child under the age of 2 and also to use any type of object, other than an open hand, to spank. Spanking with an object is considered assault with a weapon. I don't know where you're from and the laws are likely different, but to me, they make sense for a few reasons. First off, a child under 2 does not know right from wrong. They are not at that stage of development yet. They are learning, and the way they are learning is what pleases mommy and daddy and what doesn't. But it's sure not something we're just born knowing! A child that young also is still learning about consequences and cause/effect. They don't fully understand it yet. A one year old child doesn't understand that when you spank her, you are doing it to teach her something or to correct unacceptable behavior, or that you're doing it out of love. All she understands is that "when I do this, mommy hurts me." Is that how you want your child to think of your relationship - that there are things she can do that will cause you to not love her and to hurt her?

On spanking with an object - the reason that is illegal is because people tend to put more force behind the object than they will their hand. You'll hit harder with the wooden spoon or the belt and are more likely to actually injure your child.

I don't think spanking is the best way to discipline at any age, but especially not a toddler, for the reasons mentioned above. With our 2 year old, we use time outs, removal of privileges (ex: if you don't eat this much, no dessert, if you throw a toy, we take it away, if you play with the TV, the movie goes off, etc.) We do 1,2,3 and then a consequence for not listening, immediate consequence if it's a safety issue. And also a lot of removing him from the situation or removing the object from him, redirection, and positive reinforcement. If he's getting into things while I'm occupied in the kitchen, I'll put him in his highchair or on a stool so he can "help" me.

Also, relax! Of course there are things you don't want your little one getting into because they are special to you, or there are safety issues, but try as much as possible to keep those things out of her reach, and make it clear to her what she is allowed to play with. My son loves to get into my drawers and cupboards and take things out - for some reason, my salad spinner is particularly fun for him! The mess is a pain, but really, what's he hurting? So I let him do it. Now, when it comes to pushing buttons on the TV, that's a no no, because he could screw things up. But you have to pick your battles. Decide what is non-negotiable and what is not really that big of a deal. If everything is a battle, your life is going to be miserable!

I have been reading a book called "Discipline without Distress" by Judy Arnall, and highly recommend it.

Marcy - posted on 02/18/2010

1,042

1

277

Spanking, a wooden spoon, uggh...my gosh. Imagine as an adult going in to work everyday and if you did something wrong your boss just spanked you or used a wooden spoon. At 15 months old she is exploring her little world. You need to help her and teach her the difference between rigth and wrong. Give yourself a time out instead and take a deep breath.

You asked what you should do.....she is 15 months old so I would suggest that you get down at her level and tell her in as few words as possible what she did wrong and look her in the eys when saying it. As she gets older you can do this and also turn off the tv, put the toys away and make her sit on the sofa or in her room. Uggh.....how empowering it is to show our child the way without spanking or any other physical repremanding. To each his own....but you asked so that is my opinion.

Trina - posted on 02/19/2010

291

18

16

I want to ask some of you an honest question for a second. Imagine your kids are grown and now they have a child of their own. now imagine they are coming to you for discipline advice (even with a child as young as 15 months). Would you want them to hit your grandchild? How would that make you feel? I think about things like this a lot lately, because I want to teach my boys patience, caring, and communication. I want to teach them so that they will hopefully have better relationships with their own kids. I think a lot about how spanking is so generational and often people do it just because it was done to them. I don't want for my kids to ever do something because I did it to them. I look at it as if I am already teaching my boys how to parent. I hope they will be good fathers and gentle parents one day.



My husband and I were both spanked. We have struggled to find our own way of parenting and escape that way of thinking. My husband often said he would spank (before we had kids) just because his parents did it to him. It isn't a valid reason though, and he has known that for a long time. Most of the time I hear people say "...but I was spanked and I turned out fine" and I want to know what defines fine and who gets to decide?

Meredith - posted on 02/18/2010

2

1

0

In my mind Spanking should not be an option. Discipline is important and can be done without hitting a child. Like it or not spanking is hitting. Time outs work well and one can be stern without hitting. Setting guidelines and being consistent will teach the child right from wrong.

Emily - posted on 02/18/2010

2,233

8

295

Um, she's 15 months old. Getting into trouble is what 15-month-olds do best! Spanking is just going to teach her that hitting is okay. Just make her environment as safe as possible. She is simply trying to explore her world. Look at it from her perspective.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

111 Comments

View replies by

Katherine - posted on 02/19/2010

65,420

232

4877

The OP has abandoned this conversation, therefore I am locking it.

Marilyn - posted on 02/19/2010

1

7

0

u can spank them every time but u can try things different like on a chair tat u can call the norty chair, put them in there 4 bout 5 mins with door closed or a gate. have u tried putting on a dvd or a tv show that she like 2 watch all of the time coz that worked with mine bout that age. all what u can do is just try them

Joy - posted on 02/19/2010

2

1

0

I am not sure if you are a reader or if you believe the gospel, but a book that has been really helpful to my husband and i during this trying time of the 12-24 months has been "Shepherding a Child's Heart". Look it up on amazon. It has been a lifesaver for us!

Kate CP - posted on 02/19/2010

8,942

36

754

Heather, I live in Texas, too and they DON'T spank at school unless you tell them to in written form. Even then they don't want to do it because it's too much of a liability. They haven't used corporal punishment in the public school system for almost 15 years.

Winn - posted on 02/19/2010

8

34

1

My mom always told me not to spank my daughter because they still dont understand that much what we told them.By spanking them just make them a rebelious person inside.Just be patience and constanly told them what wrong and right and in the end they'll know and practicing what we told them.Now my almost 3 years old daughter knows better althought i also have the same worried as you back then.But my mom's help a lot.

Brenda - posted on 02/19/2010

6

28

0

you are doing good by redirecting. i use to redirect and tell them no or this is not a toy. i would also put my hands between the child and the item and tell them no and or this is not a toy to play with. time out is also an option. as long as you are consistant this helps more than anything. good luck.

Angie - posted on 02/19/2010

1

5

0

I have raised 7 children. I did use spanking when it was needed, which is not all of the time. When spanking was used, it was only done as a last resort and always after being warned. For example, if they were told not to do something or to stop a behavior and they continued, they were told that they would be spanked if they did not mind. And I always followed through, so they knew I meant what I said. Later all I had to say to them was, "Do you need a spanking?" and that was all it took. I didn't have trouble with them in public, either. And contrary to the new way of thinking, none of my children were aggressive, much less did they grow up thinking hitting was okay.

Chelsie - posted on 02/19/2010

23

22

2

Just a note to the mothers who use objects to punish their kids: eg wooden spoons or kettel cords, If welfare get so much as a wif of you doin this u can loose ur kids really bloody quickly, it is classified as child abuse if you do that. spanking with ur hand in classified as corpral punishment when it is due (eg not when u just feel like hiitting ur kids coz ur in a bad mood like some, but when they have actually done something wrong) and if u are ever seen by ANYONE hitting ur child ANYWHERE above the SHOULDERBLADES it is now juvenile ASSULT and u can be placed under citizens arrest until the autorities arrive, just thought yall may wanna know

Chelsie - posted on 02/19/2010

23

22

2

hey, i have a little girl who is almost 17 months old, and she is always into things so i know how u feel. constantly finding things u didnt even know existed lol. i am what a lot of people call a "stern" mother. i will not tolerate tantrums or misbehaviour and i have instilled this into my child since she was born, in different ways the older she got, and it has worked really well for me. i now have a happy little girl who does push her luck but knows when it is time to stop. so my advice is to firstly, get to her level and clear the entire house of anything she is not allowed to have for any reason. if she is just being curious then take the curiosity out of her hands, out if site out of mind so to speak. next u need to start a warning system so to speak. 1,2,3 usually works. (u ask them nicely once, then tell them sternly, then after that a punishment,) now number 3 is where u will make ur statement, wether u choose to tap her bottom or timeout or take something away like her special toys (not a security toy tho coz she will feel abandoned in a way) so 3 is ur impact. now if u choose timeout, it will be hard for the 1st few times, getting a child of that age to sit in a corner is prolly gunna be really bloody hard, but i have never done time out so i wouldnt know. my child has had taps on the bum from word go. but a word of advice, NEVER smack ur child out of anger coz that is when abuse comes into play. a child gets hurt out of a parent not being able to control themselves. so if ur that angry walk away from the situation (after it is safe to) count to 10 then go back. i go by that and as i said, i often get comments of how well behaved my girl. of course they will still have a hissy fit over frustration or anger or dissapointment of not being able to have something, but thats ok coz they need to feel emotions of all sorts and it helps from this age to start explaing that they are angry or frustrated. well hope that helped a little. good luck

Nicole - posted on 02/19/2010

3

0

0

At the end of the day it is the parents decision to smack or not smack there child.
I do believe that a child needs disapline and i am lucky not to have needed to resort to smacking my child. I recon people should try other methods first .My son was a bit of a handful but giving him a rewards for good behaviourr and takeing away things for bad, may that be a toy, tv or his freedom to do what he wants (timeout), it seems to have worked (altho he can still be a lil monster for some relatives)

[deleted account]

I am a mother of 2 older kids, and have worked as an Early Childhood teacher with the 12-18 month old group for many years now. My advice to you would be to remove anything that is particularly dangerous or unacceptable for the child to get into first, then redirect her when she is doing something that is a "no-no". Children at this age have very short attentions spans and are easily distracted, so redirection is often effective. Sometimes, however, they can be very focused on what they want and will keep going back to it, and that's very frustrating for you as the parent. You have to ask yourself, though, if your child isn't just being very naturally curious, or have a high level of energy. Should she be punished for that curiosity or drive to "move and groove"? And does she really GET at 15 months the concept of "right and wrong"? Most children have not truly grasped that concept at 15 months of age (now if your child was 2, we'd be in agreement!). Time out is a wonderful tool, but is not always effective until the child nears their 2nd birthday. The mom whose child stays put for 2 minutes at 19 months of age is very lucky, because that is definitely NOT the norm. I'm a definite fan of Supernanny's techniques b/c her simple program for time-outs really works, but usually with a child who is 2 years of age or older. If I were you, I would surround the child with exciting, engaging and stimulating things in her environment; do your best to child-proof and keep no-no items out of reach; let her have fun outdoors and burn off some toddler energy; and pick your battles wisely. The word "NO" tends to lose its impact the more it's said. Another consideration is whether or not your child is "bored", and is really seeking your attention. When I have a child who behaves in the same manner you describe your daughter behaving, I will do my best to set what I'm doing aside, and sit with him/her and read a story together, or bring out a new toy and sit and play with the child. That will usually reduce the stimulation-seeking, constantly getting into things behavior. But I would definitely NOT spank her for her high energy and curiosity. Hope this helps.

Joy - posted on 02/19/2010

54

18

0

Absolutely not! 15 months old is definitely too young to spank a child! I have four children, ages 23, 21, 16 and 13. My oldest two made straight A's through H.S. and worked part time jobs and saved $4000.00 by time they were 18 years old. We never gave them a penny of money and now they both just graduated from college with honors. I just put away all of my breakable things while they were toddlers and made my house child safe. I put the plastic plugs in etc. put away all chemicals and anything they can get hurt on, then you don't need to worry so much. Let them have fun and be children! When they turned 4 I put a chart on the fridge and told them they could make money by dusting= 50 cents and I even gave them a dollar to clean their rooms and pick up their toys when they were little. Once they got older they were given one chore each to do automatically and anything above one chore they got paid for plus they had to keep their own room clean for free starting at 7 years old. You can also get a toddler soft back pack with a leash on it to keep them close by. Another thing, I never let them get in the habit of sleeping in our room. Sometimes I felt guilty for not letting them so we would put a blanket on the floor if they came into our room in the middle of the night and say okay you can't sleep in our bed but you can sleep on the blanket on the floor. They only did that a few times and didn't like to sleep on the floor and that way we weren't feeling like we were rejecting them but it's a nice compromise to let them know there are limits if they come in your bedroom at night. Most the time they won't want to come in your room to many times if every time you direct them to a blanket on the floor.

Devi - posted on 02/19/2010

1

3

0

15 months is VERY young - not really at the age where you know right from wrong like we do. All spanking does is teach her that hitting is okay, as long as someone is doing something you don't want them to do. Continuously going back to the action that is "getting her in trouble" tells me that she has learned that she gets Mommy's attention that way - try giving her positive attention when she is doing something you want her to do, and try ignoring the bad stuff when you can (not dangerous stuff, obviously, but annoying stuff should be ignored) - that way, she learns that the annoying stuff will not get Mommy's attention, but the good stuff will.

I know it's hard - believe me, been there, done that - but hang in there! It take a LOT of patience, but once she learns, she'll stick with it, too!

Joan - posted on 02/19/2010

4

12

0

to Traci Willison:

I get really angry when I see people use "spare the rod, spoil the child" as an excuse for spanking. "The rod" here is a reference to "discipline." This passage doesn't mean you need to spank/hit children or they will be spoiled; it means you need to discipline them, and discipline does not have to mean hitting. Many commenters here have recommneded using a form of "time out," which has been proven effective in many cases. Discipline by rewarding good behavior and/or taking away toys or privileges for poor behavior has also been tested and approved by many parents in many situations. Some (older) friends of mine raised very respectful kids who turned into well-adjusted adults using these peaceful methods. The meaning of this Bible passage is that parents must teach their children right from wrong and provide boundaries. Children can and do learn such lessons without being spanked.

When looking to the Bible for guidance (something I support wholeheartedly), it's important to consider the whole thing as one context. God is a God of love, and the Bible never advocates hurting the defenseless. Another good passage to reference is "Thou shalt not kill." In the original Hebrew, the word for "kill" includes any form of hurt or harm, physical or emotional. It's important not to take things out of context.

Becky - posted on 02/19/2010

2,892

44

92

Angela, how is spanking not hitting? It is your hand (or an object) connecting with your child's body in a forceful manner. That is hitting. People want to draw a distinction to justify it, but it's still hitting.

I was spanked as a child. I don't feel it did any significant psychological damage to me, but, you know what? Whenever I am angry with someone - including my children - my first impulse is to hit them. I have to work very hard sometimes to squash that impulse and not hit my children. I think that most likely comes from being spanked.

And, when I hit 13, I told my mom that she couldn't spank me anymore because if she did, I was just going to become rebellious. So as you can see, spanking was very effective and really taught me to respect my mother! (that's sarcastic, by the way!)

Monica - posted on 02/19/2010

1

2

0

I am a mother of a 4 yr and 3 yr old. So far both eventually test their boundaries and the punishment does not bother them. I started with just the stern "NO." Then time-outs and/or naps when that didn't work anymore. Then spanking began as that didn't work. It is my opinion, that all children test boundaries and different things work to correct misbehavior. Now both of my children still test boundaries and depending on the behavior depends on the punishment...fighting with one another automatic spanking which I usually feel one firm smack on the bottom is sufficient and a time-out in the corner. But like I said all children are different and they may never test boundaries again after time-out. Most children I have experienced continue to test boundaries though and it is our place to teach them when enough is inappropriate.

Ashley - posted on 02/19/2010

71

25

5

I was spanked as a child and it did not result in this major fear of my parents that some of u r speaking of... And I also learned not to do things that would result in me getting a spanking... I think its perfectly fine to spank a child as long as ur not beating them... I plan on doing the same with my child... If my daughter gets into something that she shouldnt be getting into she'll get a slap on the hand, if she talks back she will get a swat on the bottom... etc.

Some children just plain dont listen to the time out rule...

Nicole - posted on 02/19/2010

3

0

0

I used to put my son in his pushchair (i tried the noughty step but i was constantly haveing to put him back and he thought it was a game). I wouldnt recommend hitting,
Mabe talk to your Health Visitor for advice. My health Visitor has really helped me.

Wendy - posted on 02/19/2010

5

0

0

Jennifer, being a child care provider and I live on a 3 lane road with a turning lane in the center I have had 2 kids almost get hit by a car, all because both mothers didn't want to fight their child on holding their hand while walking to the car. Both mothers of the children didn't do anything to their child, whether it be yell at them, spack them a time out, nothing. Like I told both Mothers' the way I look at it it's going to hurt far less with you spanking their butts than a car hitting them. There are sometimes being a parent that calls for the extreme discipline such as spanking. Do I look down on parents who spank, absolutely not; as I spank my children too. I can't spank day care children I would be in jail. Regardless of what form of discipline you use all of it requires consistency and follow thru.

Also believe there is a some actions and behaviors that require a time out and there others where a spanking would be the best thing.

Each of as parents do what is best for our kids, and not every parents has the same rules. So do what you have to do and go on.

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

3

16

0

89 answers so far. Wow. Read her. Is she making eye contact with you while she's doing it? Testing? Is what she's doing going to hurt her or somebody? I believe in spanking...when the time is right. If my daughter decides to run in the street where she could get hurt...it's better to spank so she know's the consequences of a hurt bottom rather then a car bumper. If she's playing in the cabinet and just annoying you because she knows she shouldn't be in there....time out. Different levels deserve different tactics. You're the boss, just don't lose that.

Traci - posted on 02/19/2010

2

13

0

Spank! The Bible tells us to raise up a child in the ways he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Don't spare the rod. You'll spoil her!

Chelsea - posted on 02/19/2010

711

45

13

I'm one of those moms who stongly believes in being able to spank my child, i know with all the strick child abuse its all the sudden so wrong to spank your children but the thing is if you do i properly it is affective, i don't know about anyone else but when i got my butt spanked or my hand or mouth smacked as a child i thought twice about doing whatever it was that got me into trouble again. What people have suddely forgot is its wrong to spank and slap now because people abuse there children, one light spank on a but or pop in the mouth isnt going to hurt a child more then a second, you dont have to leave a hand print or a red mark to get your point across to your child that you mean buisness, i tell my daughter no 1 time then the next time she does it i will give her one more warning, " if you do this again mommy is going to spank your butt" and if she still does it again i spank her butt. I do it once, then say mommy said no you need to stop do not do it again. then i remove myself and if need be start over again. I do also believe in time outs some situations can be solved very easily with time outs. In my house Screaming after the warning system gets a pop in the mouth, hitting gets a smack on the hand after the warning system and kicking gets a spank after the warning system. Anything else gets timeouts. throwing toys, getting into things she isn't aloud to....ect. hope it helps.

Wendy - posted on 02/19/2010

5

0

0

In my opinion every parent should be able to discipline with the one of their voice and their facial expression from across the room.


My kids get the look of "You better not make me come over there"

There are things that my children and my daycare kids are not allowed to tell me No is one of them as I see that as a sign of disrespect. ChIldren are not allowed to question why they are sent to the corner or talk back to me. All kids in my care or my own kids are held responsible for their actions. Discipline starts the minute you can turn over and it starts with a stern voice and the word NO. I will not allow an infant to try and roll over while I'm changing their diaper, they are told no and I need to do what have to take care of them.
And if your old enough to do the crime; your old enough to do the time. If your big enough to drag it out; your big enough to put it away.

Angela - posted on 02/19/2010

4

1

0

Spanking is not hitting, thats why it's called spanking, and spanking does not teach your children to hit or be violent! Violence however does, and you folks don't understand what a spanking is. If you are 'hitting' your child and hurting them because you are angry then that is your problem. And for those of you think a 15 month old doesn't understand, wake up! I have taught my 6 month olds sign language and the word "no"! They are so much smarter than you think!

Wendy - posted on 02/19/2010

5

0

0

This is to Tahisha McPherson, in regards to your son and telling him no. I'm a home child care provider and with kids her with me all day I have to be able to say a child's name and discipline from a distance. For example, I may be changing a child's diaper while another child is running or not being nice so I need to be able to control the kids at the same time. What I'm going to tell you may sound funny, but I'm here to tell you it works.
SO got look in the mirror and act like your talking to you son and look at your facial expression and your tone of voice. If you say now son, Mommy wants you to leave that alone.....in a soft spoken voice he isn't going to listen to you.

But if lower the tone of your voice, and so XXX, Mommy told you NO. If you DO NOT leave it alone I am, you are and fill in the blank afterwards.

Make sure your very stern when speaking.

I am able to speak whichever child's name that is misbehaving and they stop like a deer in headlights. I can say "corner" and they know right where to go.

Kathleen - posted on 02/19/2010

12

10

0

every child is different, i have 3 children, a 9 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and an 11 month old girl. i do time outs for all my kids. the only one that it dose not work with all the time is my son. we have tried good behavior sticker charts, restrictions from doing things that he really likes to do( like playing video games) we do occasionally spank and he has mellowed out sense we started spanking, but most of the time it is just a time out or getting privileges taken away. we do the spanking thing when it is something very bad (like hurting his little sister). my 11 month old girl is very stubborn and even when we try to get her attention from things she knows she is not to do it dose not work all the time. i have started time outs for her and if she is throwing a big tantrum i put her to bed because it means that she is just too tiered to care. like i said in the beginning every child is different and you need to try all sort of things before you know what is best for your child.

[deleted account]

If you want to teach your child that hitting is OK, then spanking is the way, but violence isn't the best way to tame a child. Many times a child is trying to get your attention and knows that doing something you'd prefer he/she not to will work. Working with other techniques is better though it will take training/several times before results are evident.

Annie - posted on 02/19/2010

9

0

0

Sounds like u are doing the right thing sometimes they need a spanking, because nothing else works, I spanked my kids when they needed one, and that was after I tried different things like u, and my kids turned out great spanking isnt always needed but they dont hurt when nothing else works, My mom said thats why God made butts for a spank once in while, good luck

[deleted account]

Stephanie Rand
yesterday, 9:52 pm
If you're child isn't listening, then YOU need to change your approach - don't expect your child to change. Spanking has been carefully studied and it has been shown that it DOES NOT WORK!!! SPANKING DOES NOT WORK IN THE LONGTERM! It may stop the behavior immediately, but it does not communicate to the child why it is what they are doing is wrong. Parents who spank tend to have lower IQs, tend to be from lower income levels, and were likely spanked as children and likely physically abused. As a Hispanic woman, I can tell you that the "Spankings" I received, would be considered abuse by today's standards.

Stephanie,

I know you feel very passionate about this subject based on your response. I am considered a "Doubting Thomas" and in order to give credence to any study I always look at the perimeters. Any data can be manipulated in a study to bring the desired response. While I am not offended by your remark, stating that parents who do spank have lower IQ's is a very challenging remark for those who do exercise this option.

I certainly do not advocate beatings and received a few of those myself when I was growing up. The key to successful parenting is to know your child and create a program that works for them. I have used games to reinforce the behavior, time outs, groundings, privileges revoked and spanking when it was appropriate. I certainly respect others opinions and appreciate other perspectives. I can assure you that my IQ is quite high and would be very interested in reviewing the studies you referenced.

Have a great day! :)

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2010

1

2

0

She does not know the difference. Do not spank. Be consistent and unemotional in your response - say "no, no" and automatic (short) time out (1-2 minutes). She will learn from the repetition and the consistency and swiftness of your response.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2010

1

37

0

Because my son is autistic, i went to a few parenting groups to help deal w/ scolding and how should i deal w/ his being naughty.. i attended these classes for children who were normal w/o disabilities.. Each person is different and when asked people are for or agents spanking.. frankly i was spanked as a child and it didnt hurt me.. knowing the difference and handling the situation at hand depends on the punishment. At these sessions i attended they did not say NEVER spank your child.. if your child does something that is harmful to themselves or others, then it is ok to spank.. if he or she is just getting into trouble then time outs should be used.. if this is ur first child, maybe she is just doing what 15 mth olds do.. i hated it when kaiden would turn the tv off on me all the time .. haha.. but this is not something to spank for!.. back then i was able to put the tv up higher on a different stand until he knew it was wrong.. time outs are the best form i have found, altho kaiden has a hard time staying in the corner, try looking up 1-2-3 magic on google.. i have based my childs up bringing on this method and it works! i have of course added my own details.. but i send him to his room and he can not watch tv or play for a 5-7 mins.. the magic guy said 5 mins nanny says 1 min for each age.u must decide which is best.. sending child to their room is just another way of redirecting them to do something else.. and at age 15 mths .. redirection is best ...but, again, u are ur own person and the parent to your child.. u decide what is best at the time.. w/ spanking tho, i think what they are worried about is that mom is soooo mad about what jr just did she spanks harder then what jr really needs.. so always try to spank w/ a calm hand and outside of diaper or pants.. never on bare skin.. always use ur hand never use a spoon belt or anything else.. b/c w/ ur hand u can judge just exactly how hard u are spanking that child...i hope this helps! :) take care!

Sandra Christin - posted on 02/19/2010

6

4

0

A toddler at 15 months is naturally curious about anything and everything they can do to keep busy....it's their work.....redirect her play......no need to spank.....The Super Nanny program is the best...place her in time out for 1 minute...and then redirect her.....If you have to use the word "NO" all the time.....obviously she needs you....and she is getting into trouble perhaps to get you undivided attention and love....she needs more time with you going for a stroller ride or getting out of the trouble making environment...for a safe day...with MOMMY. Shower you love on her...she will grow up tooo oooooooo FAST......

September - posted on 02/19/2010

5,233

15

688

GREAT post Stephanie Rand! I like Mom's that think the way you do :) You're super rad!

[deleted account]

Hi Monica,



I am a grandmother and raised two very strong willed children. When my children were very young I had a very hard time with discipline because my family was very harsh with discipline at times. It is imperative that a child learn what no means. For example, if your child is going to touch the hot eye of a stove and you tell them no and they continue then they have injured themselves. Fear and respect are two different things. A respect to know that Mom and Dad mean what they say gives a child security to know that the boundaries are there and the parents will enforce them.



Hope this helps :)



P. S. I did spank my children until I could ground them. A pop on the backside will hurt their feelings more than their backside.

Teresa - posted on 02/19/2010

13

3

0

In the year 2010 with all we know about the negative effects of hitting children and the countless better options, I am absolutely stunned that so many parents still hit their children! In some cases BABIES! My heart breaks for them. Tell yourselves whatever makes you feel batter to justify spanking but, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAY! Never, never, never spank your children! There is no loving way to spank, I speak from experience!

Angela - posted on 02/19/2010

4

1

0

She most definitely knows right from wrong, but a short attention span at that age. Butts are padded for spanking. You don't need to hurt her - at that age it should just grab there attention instantly, but swatting her on the bottom or hand when catching her in the act is totally appropriate. For small children instant obedience is more than for behaviour, it is a safety issue. Tell her no once, if she persists, give her a swat on the bottom or hand, tell her again "Momma said NO" and remove her. Then tell her you love her. She needs to know that when you tell her no once and she doesn't obey, that mom will instantly correct her. :)

BELINDA - posted on 02/19/2010

2

45

0

I would agree with the time out, since shes only a little over a year old a time out would help her to sit and stop what she was doing and realize she cant be doing it. Use simple words of why shes on one too, dont say alot to tell her why shes on time out, she wont remember it...good luck! :)

Joan - posted on 02/19/2010

4

12

0

I am committed to discipline without spanking. I was spanked as a child, and it traumatized me. I was afraid of my mom, and we never had a good relationship. In addition, I subconsciously learned that hitting and violence are "OK" ways to behave when you're angry or upset. I have struggled as an adult to unlearn that, and will have to work very hard at restraining myself from spanking/hitting my children.



The ideas of explaining the punishment and using a spoon or other object so the child only associates your hands with love are totally and completely bogus. My mother always used a wooden spoon to spank me, and always explained why I was being spanked. Neither ever made any difference in the fear and anger I felt toward her, or the lessons I learned. Those lessons were: 1. don't make mom angry and 2. hitting/violence is acceptable behavior. Note neither of those lessons is "I shouldn't do/say _______ because it's wrong." And I spent my life terrified that ANYthing I did or said might make her angry.



A previous commenter mentioned a book by Dr. James Dobson, who wrote several books on parenting and discipline recommending these spanking practices. I'm sure Dr. Dobson meant well, and spanking may be effective for some families (though I'd question whether their children would agree there has been no emotional damage). However, the danger is that words on a page, including all these comments, can be misunderstood or misinterpreted. There is no controlling the response of the reader. We're all human, and sometimes we lose control of ourselves, too. How does each individual person know exactly where to draw the line before they lose control, or even accidentally go too far? It's like playing with matches, only the child is the one that gets burned. My mother got her parenting strategies from Dr. Dobson's books. I found them while going through her things after she died. I love books and reading, and was even an English teacher for several years. But I tore those books into little pieces, then ran the pieces through a shredder.



There are several excellent alternatives suggested in the comments here. Please find something else that will work for your family, without resorting to violence.

Jacquelyn - posted on 02/19/2010

15

22

1

Try a time out method before you resort to spanking. A smack on the bum here and there I don't see as so bad- mind you I'm against them being "over your knee"- but I know for a fact time outs worked in getting my nieces and nephews to respect me and it's the method my mom used as well. Be consistent though. Even if it's hard.

Danniele - posted on 02/19/2010

5

16

0

hi i have to say i agree with nicole on this sometimes a child can be given so many chances but i think for a fifteen month old its a matter of not knowing exactly what is wright and wrong im guess she doesnt understand yes and know yet i used playing cards easy to make but naughty things on them and good things on them like throwing toys and cleaning up toys simple pictures show her them they may help my son is three and a real chalenge but the cards seemed to work for me i wouldnt spank her though not at 15 months i think its just wrong at that age she doesnt understand in my opinion.

Cherry Mae - posted on 02/19/2010

6

108

0

give them a hard spank only "ONCE" when they really had done something bad! and and then talk to them after her cries,.. explain to her why did u spank and scolded her, and give them a big hug and kisses to make her feel even u spank her/him u still love her. in that way they will realized what are you trying to make them.

[deleted account]

Don't hit your baby. I'm not anti spanking, I believe in spanking for certain situations when a child is old enough to understand reason. 15 months is too young for a curious little one who is still learning and exploring her surroundings. I would also go as far as to say that she is too young for time out. Have you tried distraction or removal from the situation with a good firm NO?



She might understand if you tap a her little hand away from something dangerous, but as a general rule it's better to use the toddler stage to teach. Later you can add spanking as one of your discipline tools if you want too.

Cheryl - posted on 02/19/2010

8

18

0

I know that hitting our children seems so wrong, but as science dictates they can only reason between pain and pleasure. So here the thing; happy sad right? I have smacked my babes, but never to hurt them just to catch their attention, I have a 16 year old and he has never been afraid of me quite the contrary he picks me up and carries me around the house if I try to send him to his room.(as a joke not in disrespect) So I can't see how discipline hurts our relationships. I can tell you from watching other friends and family that the lack of discipline does make for children we can't be proud of. So teach her, but don't beat her. Good luck!

Nanna - posted on 02/19/2010

5

19

0

absolutely agree with Evelyn.....keep in mind not to explain too much for too long or they lose you..keep it short and sweet..yes removing items works .....you are just heading into the fun age ...they dont call them the terrible twos for nothing lol

Evelyn - posted on 02/19/2010

1

4

0

I think kids even when they are really young are smarter than we think. Rather than just a simple no, they need to understand why they shouldn't do what they do. I have a 10 month old and I tell him not to touch things but briefly explain he could get hurt. The other thing is teaching them consequences similar to timeout. If they don't behave then take something away and let them earn it back (like a favorite toy). The time period after they have misbehaved and you reprimand them cant be the same. I would talk about it again to reinforce the right and wrong.

Nanna - posted on 02/19/2010

5

19

0

Spanking for little ones in my opinion is a def no no....unless it is repeated dangerous behavior..like playing with stove or climbing on counter tops...and never never when you're angry or frustrated......time out a minute for each year of age...kids have no concept of time and time outs are for ever.....they hate time out...be consistant

Melissa - posted on 02/19/2010

4

0

0

My son is 15 months old too, but they are not ready until they turn 18 months and 2 yrs old. What are they doing now is a NORMAL stage...it is almost like testing you for boundaries.I know it could be very frustrating sometimes (believe me..I know!), but the best alternative is time-out. Start trying this when she turns 18, but probably won't work 100% until she turns 2. The trick about time-out is Consistency. Without it, you won't achive positive resutls. If you say to her that she is going to be in "time-out" as a consequence of an action...do it!!!! And remember..it is 1 minute per year....so if she is 2 = 2 minutes at "time-out".

The problem about spanking, is that she will learn to do it to other kids, and that can get you in more trouble. Usually, the repeat what they learn, so spanking her is like sending her the message that doing it is an acceptable behavior...trust me!

T - posted on 02/19/2010

15

21

0

At 15 months she doesn't know right from wrong. She may know what certain things mean - like telling her she'll get a time out or that mommy isn't pleased with what she is doing. She is still exploring and learning. Keep telling her no, remove her from the situation and giving her alternative things to do and spend time playing with her so she isn't getting into trouble..

Colette - posted on 02/19/2010

1

17

0

Spanking is unlikely to be the answer - all you are teaching your daughter is to spank when she sees something she doesn't like! She is probably a bit young for time out - she won't really understand the concept of it.
Try distraction, play and really really praise her when she does something great. Notice every little good thing she does and praise it - that will get her to repeat those good things. Try really hard to ignore the stuff you don't like so much. Whatever behaviour you attend to is the behaviour you will see more of! Best of luck,

Zoe - posted on 02/19/2010

100

1

10

I am amazed that so many of you are so quick to say spank when you have no idia what it is this child is doing, could it be that maybe mum is over tired and needs help in other ways, where is dad and why cant he help. all children are different and so are all parents, but every one has rights and children have the right to free play in a safe enviroment. i would love to no what a 15 mt old can do that is so bad that anyone would think of hitting her.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms