Spank or no spank?

Zoe - posted on 02/19/2010

I am amazed that so many of you are so quick to say spank when you have no idia what it is this child is doing, could it be that maybe mum is over tired and needs help in other ways, where is dad and why cant he help. all children are different and so are all parents, but every one has rights and children have the right to free play in a safe enviroment. i would love to no what a 15 mt old can do that is so bad that anyone would think of hitting her.

Sharmila - posted on 02/19/2010

Your daughter is too young to be spanked Monica athough I'm sure you may be tempted to do so- show her some actions and label them as"good" and "bad".For the good ones indicate a hug and include her in those-and for the bad ones make a stern face and say the word "no" and bad"-see if this helps.All the best !

Andrea - posted on 02/19/2010

Spanking iis not the only way to teach your children between right or wrong. There is a lot of different option. Like for instands my daughter is 11 monts 1 week and 1 day old and i have spanked her, but i also learned if you spoke to them in a phsicological way they also intend to listen.She is one of those tatrim babies and you cant always spank them for tantrims because it becomes a habbit to them, "I will throw a tantrim, what's the worse that could happen? Mommy will spank me and then its over." Thats how they think. but if you sit down with them and you speak to them in a calm relaxing manner they do listen. Some children only needs those talks and cildren from the age of 9months and older useally understands and listens.Have more play and learning time with children then there will be no need for spanking or even arguing.

Natalie - posted on 02/18/2010

Spanking is not necessarily wrong (I do spank my son) but you have to play it by ear. I have always tried to make the punishment fit the crime. For example, if She is constantly getting into things she isn't suppose to, maybe a better punishment would be to restrict her to a playpen. Then she will learn if she goes places she isn't suppose to, then she will not have that choice anymore. I always use spanking as a last resort... that way when it is used it holds a lot more power. Without knowing what she is doing to get into trouble it is hard to say. I also have always insisted that whatever the punishment is, I always explain to my child what it is they did wrong, and what they should have done. I know that most of this conversation will go in one ear and out the other for a 15 month old, but it is still a good habit. I think they understand more than we give them credit for sometimes. Good luck!!

Emma - posted on 02/18/2010

I was always smacked as a kid, it never really bothered me because I did know right from wrong, and I knew I deserved it at as young as 3 years old. I'm not a big smacker myself but my rule of thumb is simple, if they're threatening their life then a smack is gonna hurt a hell of a lot less than, for example, being hit by a car or electrocuted. Not smacking unless necessary makes it very effective when it is necessary. Smacking doesn't have the same effect on all kids. Some don't need it, they don't like being in trouble so they try to stay out of trouble, others don't get it because they aren't affected by a light tap, they just giggle and continue being naughty. But I will tell all those 'anti spanking' people out there that nobody, not even the law will stop me spanking my almost 3 year olds butt when I catch him prying the plugs out of the powerpoints, or climbing on a chair to pour his drink in the toaster. AND anyone who has little kids often has big kids too. It's not always that easy to be 1 on 1 with your bub, and it's not easy to make sure the bigger kids haven't left things about the house that aren't safe for bubby, so those who suggest not being 1 on 1 with your toddler at all times is bad parenting, need to rethink why they believe they have the right to judge others.

Oh and one more thing. My friend refuses to smack her son. And yet he smacks every kid he comes by. Where did he learn this? Not off his parents, so don't always assume that kids will hit if they are hit, and they won't if they aren't because it simply doesn't work like that. Smacking is NOT the same as bullying.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

I strongly disagree with spanking...i think it's really confussing for a child. So if they hit someone or something do you say no and hit them back??? isn't that mixed signals??? Try the time out corner. And every time she leaves, just keep putting her back in the same spot. The first time, tell her why she's there and after a minute go get her. If she leaves then tell her she has to go to the corner because she's in time out. If she leaves again just put her back to the corner without saying anything. Keep doing this until she stays. It might take a bit at first. But she'll get the hint. You just have to be persistant with this one. Once she stays for the minute make sure you are eye level with her and tell her the reason why she was in time out and ask her if she's sorry. then ask for a hug and kiss and say I love you. It works great...but sometimes you have to break it in and they'll test you for the first time. Just don't give up!



I'm from Canada also and am very proud to say that spanking is considered abuse!!! Because in my opinion it is.

As for your comment regarding spanking in schools in texas...well there was once the dumb hat corner that they used to punish kids with, there was also the smacking of the knuckles with rulers, and there was calling a child dumb for asking a questions...and this was apparently alright just because it was allowed at school??? Come on...times change and we all know none of those are acceptable...so why should spanking be at schools....there are other ways. If you're struggling...then you need to look in the mirror...are you being consistant? Or are you giving mixed signals. Whatever the case...you need to look at your parenting style and think what can I do better...they are just children afterall, they are still learning.

Angie - posted on 02/18/2010

Spank

Trina - posted on 02/18/2010

I would try some positive discipline I think or playful parenting for 3. three is a hard age. What is your son doing that is the problem?

Tahisha - posted on 02/18/2010

MY SON IS 3, & HE'S VERY FRESH, & HE LIKES TO TEST ME ALOT... FOR EXAMPLE, IF HE'S DOOING SOMETHING HE HAS NO BUSINESS DOING, I WOULD SAY STOP THAT SON, OR I WOULD CALL HIS NAME, & I SWEAR HE JUST STANDS THERE & LOOK @ ME AS HE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.... SO WHAT I WOULD DO IS LOOK HIM IN THE EYE, CONTINUE TO TELL HIM TO STOP WHAT EVER IT IS THAT HE'S DOING WRONG, THEN SPANK HIM..... HE ACTS LIKE HE'S SOOOO HURT FOR THE MOMENT, THEN 5 MINS. LATER HE'S BACK @ IT AGAIN, WHAT DO U GUYS THINK I SHOULD DO???

BELINDA - posted on 02/18/2010

PUT HER IN TIME OUT!!! IOI

Kate CP - posted on 02/18/2010

This is where you have to choose what's more important? Getting the laundry done or having fun and entertaining your daughter? She probably bored out of her mind and wants something to do with Mommy. Get her to help you with household chores (yes, she is old enough). She's too young for a swat and it won't work for your problem any way.

When you look back ten or twenty years from now will you say "I really should have cleaned the house more" or will you say "I wish I had spent more time with my kids"?

Trina - posted on 02/18/2010

Let me ask you a question...do you want to working on teaching and connecting ? I don't spank, because it is not beneficial for us and I am opposed to it for my family. She is 15 months old, and she sounds right on par for 15 months. Can you read some books on infant development? Do you think your expectations might be unreasonable for a 15 month old? You are not depressed or anything for you?

Katherine - posted on 02/18/2010

There are places to get help for those of you with anger issues and here are the links:



http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_ab...

Donna - posted on 02/18/2010

Please don't hit your child. I am so glad its not allowed here in Canada and should not be allowed any place. The thought of some one hitting a child with an object just sickens me. What sickens me even more is that people would take a child pant down to do this. Now come on that is sick and why should you have the right to expose the child's privet parts for means other then bathing and toileting. I love my child with all my heart and for that reason alone i will never inflict pain as a means of learning. Because i can assure you as adults you do things wrong all the time, so who is taking down your pants and hitting you with an object to teach you right from wrong at an age it really should be known.

I am on the Time-Out bandwagon and so glad to be there :-)

Rachel - posted on 02/18/2010

@ Amanda & Cheryl... you may not think your child is scared of you but speaking from experience it's the only thing I felt for my father. I was smacked/spanked when I was younger probably up to around age 12. It did not change my behaviour but it made me fearful of him because all I could think was that if I did something that he thought was wrong or bad then I would be smacked without any chance to explain myself or justify what I had done.

There are reasons why children behave the way they do and if you find out why they are behaving that way then you can fix it without violence. Most children 'misbehave' because they are bored and are looking for attention. The more positive attention they get the less negative behaviour they exhibit.

My 4 year old gets time out and it works great. She understands that she will get a warning and if she continues the behaviour she knows that she will be in time out. Usually the warning is enough to stop. My 2 year old is still learning to follow instructions and I would not smack him for not fully understanding what is required. They are still learning everyday and sometimes it takes 10 times or more before they remember what they are supposed to do.

Have you heard of 'Positive Parenting' - maybe Google it if you haven't. It has some fantastic ideas for parents.

Re: the child holding your hand in public.. Have you explained why it's important for your child to hold your hand? I find if you explain why you want them to do something then they are more likely to do what you are asking.

Do you really want them to think that "If I don't get what I want straight away, I'm going to hit you" - as they get older they will start to use this logic on their peers.

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2010

If you're child isn't listening, then YOU need to change your approach - don't expect your child to change. Spanking has been carefully studied and it has been shown that it DOES NOT WORK!!! SPANKING DOES NOT WORK IN THE LONGTERM! It may stop the behavior immediately, but it does not communicate to the child why it is what they are doing is wrong. Parents who spank tend to have lower IQs, tend to be from lower income levels, and were likely spanked as children and likely physically abused. As a Hispanic woman, I can tell you that the "Spankings" I received, would be considered abuse by today's standards. A 15 month old child is still a baby in many ways. Be Patient. You are a teacher to your child. I have a 12 month old that is into everything and is now throwing fits when I remove her from a situation. My job is to protect her, even if she is too young to understand what is going on. It would do no good to slap her hand for eating tissue paper, she wouldn't understand, so I the best thing to do would be to remove the tissue paper. Spanking often escalates to stronger physical punishment, and children who are spanked often come to use violence to resolve conflict, or come to accept violence as a way to resolve conflict. Buy a couple of parenting books. We wouldn't think of hitting an adult who misspoke, took something without asking, or broke something of ours, yet some people see no problem with hitting a child who does the same thing simply because they are their own flesh and blood. Think about it.

Jessie - posted on 02/18/2010

You are going to get sides to both answers but I believe every child is different and everything needs to be dealt by the situation. I think if your child is refusing to listen being defiant and nothing else is working you need to get their attention b/c you don't want them not listening if it is something important or they could get hurt. If they do listen well and other stuff like time out and redirecting works then that is fine. However, redirecting really isn't discpline and just distracts the child so if they aren't listening and you redirect all the time you might have the same problem. I

Cheryl - posted on 02/18/2010

I guess I am from the old school ways but I beleive that some times they just need a swat on the behind, but just one. I also used to take and smack their hands, not enough to really hurt but enough to get their attention. The experts will tell you time outs shouldn't be any longer then your child is old as thier attention span is so short, so I don't think a 2 minute timeout teaches them much. I raised all 3 of my kids this way, and now use this with my grandchildren. And my kids were never afraid of me. BTW I quit spanking when my son told me it never ever hurts me mom, and I had hurt my hand because I hit the hotwheel car in his hip pocket.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

I certainly agree with you Geralyn that taking the time to teach and train your children that young is the very first course of action. It is time consuming but very necessary, especially if you want to avoid having to discipline so much. Let's face it, if a child deosn't know what they're not allowed to do then they shouldn't be punished for doing it! However, there are handfuls of times when my daughter, who's just turned two, is very plainly testing me. She has fully been taught her boundaries, including what she's allowed to touch and how she's allowed to act. If I'm training her little brother not to touch something and she comes all the way across the room just to touch it and see how I will react, then she gets a spanking. If she's screaming at her little brother, pushing him down just because he's in her way or saying NO to me than she gets a spanking. If we're in public in a busy place and she refuses to hold my hand, she gets a spanking. I just can't fathom waiting until she's older to have this type of discipline in place. She'd be wildly out of control!

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2010

One thing to remember - children don't distinguish between an adult spanking them and their hitting others - so often the kiddos (but not always) I've worked who have been raised in with spanking can sometimes be hitters. And...at 15 months...they don't entirely know the difference between right and wrong as adults do - cognitively they are just not there yet. I'd recommend a book re: cognitive development. I'd also say study what she's getting into trouble with. If she keeps touching a vase that's breakable - then move the vase up to where she can't touch it (as an example). Time out's are better - a minute per a year is best...and not in her room :)
Hope this helps!
Kelly

CHRISTINA - posted on 02/18/2010

Do the time out....it works like a charm ; ) Whatever age your child is that is how long you keep them in their time out corner...so for 15 months it is 1 minute and 15 seconds. Tell her why she is in her time out corner and then put the timer on for 1 min/15 sec. IF she tries to get up during her time then just put her right back in to her corner without saying a word...then after time is up you tell her again why you put her there and tell her you forgive her and give her a hug. After a few times she has been in a time out she will start to "get it" and know that if she is naughty she will have to be put in that dreaded time out corner!! LOL!! Good luck....just have lots of PATIENCE and it will get better with time : )

Geralyn - posted on 02/18/2010

In reference to Becky's comment, God bless Canada! Another thing they do right.... it should be illegal to spank under age 2 in the US. Perhaps parents would be forced to find other appropriate methods to teach. And yes, it is teaching. A child under two (arguably three!) has what I refer to as a "re-set" button where he will do the same exact thing that he was just redirected from doing or some other intervention. Teaching requires repetition, consistency and communication.



I never understood the purpose of spanking or hitting with an object like a wooden spoon. If there is nothing wrong with spanking or hitting, then what would the purpose be of using an object. Honestly, why would there be a need to transfer the hitting to an object? SO that the child doesn't think its coming from you? Doesn't that defeat the purpose behind your hitting? Never made sense to me..... It doesn't make the child feel better about getting hit.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

Tessa! I got a kick out of that dad spanking in public! I used to worry about doing it in public for the fear of what other people will do or say but with the handful of a 2-year-old daughter I have I've put my worries aside. There are days when we're shopping and she's absolutely testing me and a swift spanking ALWAYS changes her attitude immediately. Like night and day!

Tessa - posted on 02/18/2010

I fully believe in spanking, It does not harm the child and does not ruin them. My son is 3 1/2 and boy is he hand full.
I saw some dad spank his child in public last weekend walking out of the pet store for his son yelling at him(boy was around 5 or so). I actually looked at the guy and gave him a thumbs up because people are to worried someone will call them in and he had no problem doing it. People need to mind their own buisness unless the child is actually getting abused. Spank on the butt or hand will teach them right from wrong. My son has ADHD and try getting him to sit in a corner lmao good luck with that, we have tried mulitaple times for the past year. 15 months is about right when I started teaching my son right from wrong. I wish it was the old days when this wasn't a big deal. My mom never spanked me and neither did my dad due to my mom being one of those sad cases where the mom whooped her bad. I wish I would have been punished because I was a horrible spoiled brat who NEVER got in trouble.
Good for parents who don't need to spank but in reality most kids need it once in awhile. My kid may get a spank once in awhile but he sure loves his mommy and daddy no matter what.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

Not that I need to say more, but I just want to clarify to the ladies who are concerned with me beating my children. My spank with a spoon is just a slight flick of the wrist. It still stings to get the point across but it's not using the full force that a hand moving several inches away and smacking will have. And I'm VERY thankful it's perfectly legal to spank in my state! I fully agree with Heather about the laws being made in other places because of people spanking in anger and getting way out of control. If you remain in control while spanking it is VERY effective, does NOT teach your children to hit or to hate you, and usually results in obedient little people.

Wendy - posted on 02/18/2010

HI, my name is Wendy. I'm a home child care provider so I'm going to give you what I would do. For me and other home child care providers we can not use any form of punishment that invloves hitting a child, that being said here is what I would do. First let me point what she's getting out of what you are doing - when she gets into trouble she is given a toy and moved to another spot, in her mind she figures no big deal.
So you need to change this, I believe there is a time and place for a spanking but if you start it now you will wear out it's effectiveness.

I would go with time out first, the first thing to do is find a spot in your home that is NOT entertaining, such as by the hallway or a corner of the living room or dining room, completely away from any toys. In order for time out to become effective you have to be consistent with it (by the way all of my day care kids are started with time out when they can walk, my philosophy is if your big enough to do the crime your big enough to do the time). So when your daughter does something or a behavior you do not like you give her a warning. In that warning you should say XXX, Mommy doesn't want you acting/playing/touching whatever it is, that, please go play with one of your toys. If she continues to do it then put her in time out. Also time out should NEVER be associated with something else, for instance she should never be put into a pack and play, high chair, car seat or her crib for a time out, these are all associated with something else. For instance a pack and play or her crib are used for sleeping, a high chair is used for eating, and her car seat is used for going places. Then you are sending her a message that now when she misbehaves or touches something one of these will happen. Now, I also understand that they say that time out should be 1 minute per age, but this is 15 month old and 1 minute in a half is like a nano second to them, so make it 3 or 4 minutes and then tell her she can get out. Now understand that the first time she get's put in time out she is going to look at you like you have grown 3 heads, so pick her up and tell her time out and move her back. Do NOT let her out of time out until she has sat there for the entire 3 or 4 minutes. Once she has sat there then you can go over to her and get to her level and explain why you put her in time out and give her a hug and a kiss. (As she gets older you will want her to tell you sorry for doing xxxxx).

Also understand that children are not automaticly programmed to know what time out is, this is the part where consistency comes into play. Also remember never start a habit to solve a habit, that never works either.

Wendy

Lisa - posted on 02/18/2010

my 2 year od was using words that he picked up from my 9 year old. I started puttiong him in timeout for 2 minutes and after 2 days it stopped. One day he sat 11 times. Eventually he learned and now puts himself in timeout when he reverts to using the words.

Carolee - posted on 02/18/2010

Spank when needed, not when angry.

Zoe - posted on 02/18/2010

Hi Monica, u dont make it clear what kind of trouble your littel one is getting into. and if your asking for advice from here i am going to assume that you have few freinds with children the same age. spending time with other mums and there kids can make you see your child in a different light. i dont smack my 3 year old and i can think of nothing that would make me, and she is no angel. make sure you take her to places where she can do ANYTHING, a park or open field at least once a week and chill, look at what she is doing and think why you dont want her to it before you tell her no. children learn so much from playing in muddy puddels feeling different texturs ect. find out what toddler groups you have in your area and make some frends for you and your littel girl. just bear in mind if you do hit her when she does somthing you dont like, she may hit you when you do something she does not like, where will that end?

Savanha - posted on 02/18/2010

I agree with Theresa. Dont spank your child unless it is something that is going to harm her. Time outs work great keep it consistent and in the same location every time. I have to disagree with some of the comments on here. In my OPINION I think children at that age do know the difference between right and wrong to a CERTAIN extent. If you tell them no they understand that no means it is wrong. Try taking her out of the situation and give her something she can play with and say yes you can play with this. If she continues to go to that area where she is not supposed to be then yes take her to time out. Good luck on this and I hope that all these reply's help you. Always remember that it is your decision on how you handle it whether someone else thinks its right or wrong there is no right answer or wrong answer (no manual comes with the child).

Emalie - posted on 02/18/2010

Personally I dont think you should spank a 15month old. They are testing your boundaries at that age and dont know right from wrong yet. I have a 20 month old and she does the same thing, just be consistant in what you do is the key.

Rachel - posted on 02/18/2010

If you hit your children then all they are learning is to fear you.

Michele - posted on 02/18/2010

No is a word children need to learn to follow for their own wellbeing. I began smacking my sons hand at a very young age to teach him not following directions had consequences. I wanted him to understand that when I said no, I meant no, because his learning to obey that word could be the difference in him getting hurt or being safe. I never really had to resort to spankings as smacking his hands got his attention. What I learned from doing this was he learned quickly and I had no problems with him following my directions. He never went through the terrrible twos, nor have I ever had any behavioral problems with him. I could count on one hand the number of times in his 9 years he has even been in trouble. I've always believed the younger you start, the more structure you provide, and the more consisitant you are with your parenting the better the outcomes of any discipline problem you may encounter. Every child is different, you are equipped with an arsenal of motivators you just need to figure out what motivates your child to listen and obey. Good Luck!!!

Erika - posted on 02/18/2010

any age they know was yes and no and if we dont correct them at early age they well run your house and life so i well say yes for spank!!!!!!

Becky - posted on 02/18/2010

By the way, although my son is a typical 2 year old and loves to get into things, he is very well behaved, happy, friendly, and not at all aggressive, and we don't spank. People who equate discipline with spanking and say kids are all screwed up now because parents can't spank them anymore make me ill.

Becky - posted on 02/18/2010

Here in Canada, it is actually illegal to spank a child under the age of 2 and also to use any type of object, other than an open hand, to spank. Spanking with an object is considered assault with a weapon. I don't know where you're from and the laws are likely different, but to me, they make sense for a few reasons. First off, a child under 2 does not know right from wrong. They are not at that stage of development yet. They are learning, and the way they are learning is what pleases mommy and daddy and what doesn't. But it's sure not something we're just born knowing! A child that young also is still learning about consequences and cause/effect. They don't fully understand it yet. A one year old child doesn't understand that when you spank her, you are doing it to teach her something or to correct unacceptable behavior, or that you're doing it out of love. All she understands is that "when I do this, mommy hurts me." Is that how you want your child to think of your relationship - that there are things she can do that will cause you to not love her and to hurt her?

On spanking with an object - the reason that is illegal is because people tend to put more force behind the object than they will their hand. You'll hit harder with the wooden spoon or the belt and are more likely to actually injure your child.

I don't think spanking is the best way to discipline at any age, but especially not a toddler, for the reasons mentioned above. With our 2 year old, we use time outs, removal of privileges (ex: if you don't eat this much, no dessert, if you throw a toy, we take it away, if you play with the TV, the movie goes off, etc.) We do 1,2,3 and then a consequence for not listening, immediate consequence if it's a safety issue. And also a lot of removing him from the situation or removing the object from him, redirection, and positive reinforcement. If he's getting into things while I'm occupied in the kitchen, I'll put him in his highchair or on a stool so he can "help" me.

Also, relax! Of course there are things you don't want your little one getting into because they are special to you, or there are safety issues, but try as much as possible to keep those things out of her reach, and make it clear to her what she is allowed to play with. My son loves to get into my drawers and cupboards and take things out - for some reason, my salad spinner is particularly fun for him! The mess is a pain, but really, what's he hurting? So I let him do it. Now, when it comes to pushing buttons on the TV, that's a no no, because he could screw things up. But you have to pick your battles. Decide what is non-negotiable and what is not really that big of a deal. If everything is a battle, your life is going to be miserable!

I have been reading a book called "Discipline without Distress" by Judy Arnall, and highly recommend it.

Meredith - posted on 02/18/2010

In my mind Spanking should not be an option. Discipline is important and can be done without hitting a child. Like it or not spanking is hitting. Time outs work well and one can be stern without hitting. Setting guidelines and being consistent will teach the child right from wrong.

Heather - posted on 02/18/2010

I just have one more thing to say reguarding spanking.... I live in Texas and it is completely legal to spank your kids and they still do it in school when they get in trouble so as far as all the moms who say spanking is bad and its been proven, apparently its not as bad as others are making it out to be if they encourage it in schools and not all states have the spanking is abuse policy! SPANKING IS DISCIPLINE AND HAS BEEN FOR YEARS!!! IT HAS BECOME CHILD ABUSE BECAUSE THERE ARE STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO TAKE IT TOO FAR AND THEY HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BASES COVERED THATS ALL.... Lets use our heads here people and seriously look at todays society of unruly children because parents were afraid of disciplining their children.. when a swift kick in the butt or a good old butt whooping would have probably fixed that problem. There is a thin line just DONT CROSS IT!

Heather - posted on 02/18/2010

Don't worry, you are right at the hardest age for teaching right behavior because at 15 months, she has lots of energy and has learned she can do all sorts of things and is curious about everything. Your child in normal. I have 3 kids that were just the same at that age.
Try to engage her in constructive play as much as possible. Try to set aside the stuff you need to do until her nap time or bed time and when she's awake, try to play with her as much as you can. You have to keep being creative at this age because the attention span is so short so you have to keep thinking of new ideas.
If theres something I need to get done right now and my child keeps getting in to stuff, I can strap her into the stroller or high chair and put her next to me while i do the dishes or use the computer.
I think if you spank she won't understand. When she gets a little older, you can start doing time outs. Put her in a separate place like the bedroom or a corner and set the timer (one minute for each year of age) and explain to her calmly why she is being put in time out. Walk away, and then when the timer rings, come back, take her out of the place, explain again why she was in timeout, and give her a hug.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Haley - posted on 02/18/2010

spankin i think works i know it worked on me when i was a kid but now days people us "time out" and with partents who us "time out" as the kids get older they just are are like whatever i will do it again all that is goin to happen is i have to sit down but with a spankin they really dont want one now i am not sayin beat the shit out of ur kid but a little tap on the but to hurt there feelings is all that u have to do

Heather - posted on 02/18/2010

I smack my 2 yr old on the hand and send her to time out.... If she continues getting into the same thing then i wil spank her and send her back to time out until she gets it... You have to use spanking in moderation but i personally see nothing wrong with it as long as your not abusing your child....

Brittany - posted on 02/18/2010

ok first off ... NEVER smack a child with a spoon or anything else of the matter.....that is the meanest thing to ever do and also child abuse. i have spanked my daughter but only a light tap and one time never more. sometimes theres nothing more to do and thats the last resort. ive found the time out works very well. i sit her in a chair facing the wall away from the problem and then when that is finished i sit her on my lap and explain to her what she did and that it was wrong and she can not do that anymore. and hitting a child because they hit someone else just defeats the purpose because then youre still teaching them hittin is ok ... HELLO?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?! ANYBODY EVER REALIZE THAT?!?!?!?!?!

Lianne - posted on 02/18/2010

i smack/spank woteva u want to call it on the hand or bum, but recently ive been sending her to her room for 2mins and seems to be working much better.

and smacking a child with a spoon or any object is just disgusting, and i dont understand why u would do that!!!

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

I LOVE supernanny and think her ideas with the naughty mat can work with many children. Here's the thing, though...I've not caught every single episode so maybe I'm mistaken...has she ever used the naughty mat with a child as young as 15 months? I've not seen her work with children much younger than the age of 2. I just wonder if the time-outs will really work for children who are not quite old enough to understand reasoning yet. My very stubborn daughter did not give two hoots and a hollar about time-outs when we tried them. At the time she was 18 months or so. She was taken away from all her toys, put in a corner by herself and many times we even had her put her nose to the wall. She could have cared less, even standing there for 2 full minutes. In fact, she would deliberately do something wrong and then walk herself to the corner and place her nose on the wall! Now that's testing for sure!!! We just thought we'd give the naughty mat a try and we tried it for a full month with no success...so went back to spanking. The spanking had always worked but we just felt like we were spanking her all the time some days and we wanted to try another approach to see if something would work more effectively. I'm always in to keeping an open mind as I'm fully aware kids are not made with cookie-cutters. Each one responds differently to different methods of parenting.

Emily - posted on 02/18/2010

Um, she's 15 months old. Getting into trouble is what 15-month-olds do best! Spanking is just going to teach her that hitting is okay. Just make her environment as safe as possible. She is simply trying to explore her world. Look at it from her perspective.

Marcy - posted on 02/18/2010

Spanking, a wooden spoon, uggh...my gosh. Imagine as an adult going in to work everyday and if you did something wrong your boss just spanked you or used a wooden spoon. At 15 months old she is exploring her little world. You need to help her and teach her the difference between rigth and wrong. Give yourself a time out instead and take a deep breath.

You asked what you should do.....she is 15 months old so I would suggest that you get down at her level and tell her in as few words as possible what she did wrong and look her in the eys when saying it. As she gets older you can do this and also turn off the tv, put the toys away and make her sit on the sofa or in her room. Uggh.....how empowering it is to show our child the way without spanking or any other physical repremanding. To each his own....but you asked so that is my opinion.

Carla - posted on 02/18/2010

Monica, I spanked my children, too, and none of them are axe murderers. However, I will say that I have been watching Supernanny, and putting her methods into use with my grandchildren. She uses the time out or naughty spot. When you tell her no, and she does it again, tell her that's wrong, tell her this is her warning. Then if she does it again, take her and place her on the naughty spot/chair for 2 minutes. When the timer goes off, tell her what she did wrong, tell her to tell you sorry, then hugs and kisses and business as usual. She is not too young to get this concept. IF you do this with consistency, it makes your daughter understand that what you say is final. You will not feel so frustrated and frazzled. Most of our agitation as mothers has come from 'No, Susie, no, don't do that, no, no, no'; by the time we actually get up and do something about the situation, we are angry. As soon as she misbehaves, warn her, then time out. The first couple times it may be a little hairy, but if she gets off, put her back on, don't say a word to her, just put her back on her chair. Reset the timer, and go about your business. British nannies have used this idea for hundreds of years. I wish I had seen her when I was raising MY kids! Best of luck!

April - posted on 02/18/2010

I just wanted to post a comment here, I have five children and I spanked them as they were growing up (they are grown now), we all have a great relationship and they are working and going to college now. So this view on to spank or not to spank is really up to you as a parent. I am very close to my children, everyone of them and they turned out to be great and wonderful children. I did not BEAT my children and like another woman posted I never used my hand, by the time my children were three years old they knew to not do crazy dangerous things. I redirected them as needed, and I kept them moving and doing fun things. After I would have to spank for something, I sat them down and talked to them and told them what they did wrong and to not do it again. Pretty much if you start early you won't have a problem later. By the time they were four they were good as gold. I had no problems out of them. So really it is your choice. Good Luck!

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2010

I spank both of my children and it works well for me. My daughter is 25 months and my son is 13 months. Despite what most people believe it actually keeps me in better control of my emotions when I spank them. Rather than continually telling them no and trying to redirect them or distract them only to get so frustrated with them doing the wrong over and over again I just nip it in the bud with a spank. I, too believe in using a spoon rather than my hand so they will never associate my hand with anything but love and hugs and snuggles. I only spank on the bare bottom because spanking through diapers is not effective...too much cushion means no reaction from the kids. I don't go crazy like you see people do on the TV and always keep my attitude light. Then after the spanking I turn the kids around to face me, remind them of why they were spanked, tell them I love them very much and give them a long hard hug until the tears have stopped. It nearly always takes only one spanking and then my kids are back on a good behavior track. Mostly at this point it's my daughter who's really into testing my authority on a daily basis. But my son is catching up quickly!



Oh, and about my son, he's still so young, much like yours. Have you done any training sessions with your daughter? By training I mean placing objects you don't want her to touch within her reach and when she goes for them flicking her hand and saying NO TOUCH. Many people probably disagree with this method but I don't agree with having to babyproof your home because most places you go are not babyproofed. Just taking your daughter to the grocery store can be insane if she's pulling everything off the shelf! If she truly knows and obeys the NO TOUCH command life is so much nicer. She learns her boundaries very quickly. I also use flicking on the cheek for NO EAT (like for leaves and things outside) and flicking on the hand for NO OPEN (like for cupboards and doors). I don't know if these are some of the things that are frustrating you right now but it's truly amazing how a little time and effort to train will save you from having to discipline so much. I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us updated!

Carissa - posted on 02/18/2010

At that age, I would not spank a child. I most definitely recommend reading "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson. Whatever you decide to do for punishment, stick to your guns and be consistent, I believe that is the true key to success.
I do think that spanking is alright, but probably not at this age. My kids DO NOT at all believe it is ok to hit, even though they have had times they were spanked. When they come to a certain age, it makes sense to start taking away priveledges or having a time out. Praising a child when they are behaving the right way is also something to start.
We have to ask ourselves if they are developmentally ready to understand... sometimes we set them up for failure by having things out in their environment (ie. like having breakables displayed on the coffee table)