Spank or no spank?

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2010

Time out. You might think she's too young but if you think at this age she knows right from wrong then she should know a time out right...We did time out for our son around 18 months and the first time out was about an hour long. Every time he would come out we would put him back. He is now 2.5yrs old and it is very rare he gets a time out now. We give him a warning that if he doesn't stop he'll get a time out and if he keeps going we'll start to count 1,2 and by 3 he's stopped and moved on. We don't spank and we don't plan on it. I was spanked and in all honesty it made me more mad and i behaved more badly. My husband spanked our son once and I talked ot him that night and said no more. I was trying to do time outs during the day and i didn't want our son to get spanked for being a kid. There are numerous studies that show children who are spanked frequently have lower IQ's and do not have a close bond with their parents. I was spanked the last time i think around 5yrs old and i'm not too sure about the Iq's thing but my mother and I weren't close until I was graduated high school and moved out. There is really no good that comes from spanking except in my opinion it shows lack of control and you don't know what else to do. Send them to their room and close the door take a toy away, anything! But please don't spank. It is actually against the law now where i am and on Monday a man was sent to jail for spanking his child. I'm not 100% sure how long he is in for but to me that speaks volumes!

Theresa - posted on 02/18/2010

Just to warn you, you're opening a big can of worms here. The spanking issue has come up in many threads and gets very heated there are people that feel VERY strongly on both sides. I personally believe in spankings in SOME situattions. I think it should be used whensomething needs to be learned IMMEDIATELY because it involves danger. Like playing with the outlet, runnning into the street, things like that. It should not be used in anger, it should not make you "feel better", it should be open handed on the clothed butt, and should never leave a mark. I also think it should not be used too much or the child will become "immune" to them. I think unless there's something dangerous involved you should stick to removing your daughter from the situation. A lot of time (especially at that age) a very firm "NO!" along with putting them somewhere else makes more of an impact than a spank. You can start a time out (one minute in a certain spot) at this point too, they understand that a lot better than we think. After a few times of putting there for the time out just saying no followed by "Do you need to go to time out?" will get results.

Angel - posted on 02/18/2010

NO!!!! Never spank a child. You have run out of creative options when you resort to spanking. All spanking does is teach children it is ok to hit. You gotta keep re-directing your baby. I know its tiring, but keep at it. At 15mo of age, she DOES NOT know right from wrong. She is bored with the activity you are giving her to do. Try removing the source of trouble from her. I am not sure what she is doing that you are displeased with. My daughter used to jump on her toddler bed. It was a constant battle between us until I finally did something different. I calmly told her that if she did it again, I would remove her bed. Of course she did it again. When she did, I didnt say a word but quietly removed her bed from her room. When it was nap time, she had to sleep on a pallette on the floor. I told her she could try sleeping in her bed again that night but it would be removed from her every time she decided to jump on it. She never jumped on it again. Hope this helps.

Sherre - posted on 02/18/2010

I agree with what a lot of the mothers have said as I have a 14mo old boy, who gets into everything. A lot of the reason is because we're moving into our own place soon so our room is crammed and he wants to be able to roam around freely. Sometimes it's just hard when you're being distracted with something else. Just have patience. If time-outs don't work, give spanking a try but there are also other ways to discipline her. Watching some tv shows or getting some info from the web may help as well. Also, if you have friends with children, you may want to see how they discipline their children. Although every child is different, it may also work for you. Good luck.

September - posted on 02/18/2010

Whether or not you choose to spank her is a personal choice. If you read a little bit about the stage of life she is in you'll realize that doing something that she should not be doing over and over again is only a way of learning at her age. She does not fully understand when she does something wrong. In our home we choose to use the gentle discipline concept rather than using words like "no", "stop" don't" which are words that cause our son to do whatever it is that he is doing even more so. If you are not familiar with the gentle discipline concept I would encourage you to read up! :) Happy parenting!

Shaquim - posted on 02/18/2010

well i can only speak from what i do and yes i do spank my 3 year old and have for along time i also do timeouts take his toys and snacks and i also after i spank him explain why he is being spanked i let him know i love him and it works in my house he behaves very well and i dont have to worry about him acting out in public i get compliment everywhere i i go on how good he is and no my son does not fear that i will hurt him but he know he also can not test me

Heather - posted on 02/18/2010

Spanking works for some and not others. My husband and I always said we would spank our child, but when the time came...it didn't work. It felt as if we were permanately attached to our daughter's behind. Then we realized that this method isn't for every parent or every child. Our daughter is a social butterfly and hates to be away from the action. So, we started taking her out of the room and placing her in another room and she had to sit and stare at the wall for 1 minute per year of age. This drove her crazy bc she wasn't in on the action in the other rooms. She got the message very quickly. If you use spanking I recommend using a spoon or something other than your hands so that your child always knows that your hands are for love. Also, if you use the method that my hubby and I used, don't place them in their bedroom or any room that you want them to have "happy times" in. If you place them in their bedroom they will associate that room with being punished and won't ever want to go in there, so try to find a neutral place.



Hope this helped. Above all else, remember that you are the parent and ultimately are the ONLY one that can make the choice and have to base it on what works best for you as a parent and for your child. Another's opinion is just that, opinion and cannot be substituted for your good judgement in your household!

Kenitra - posted on 02/18/2010

Are you doing things together, or are you trying to distract her so that you may get some stuff done? If you are spending quality time wth her, 30 seconds later, she shouldn't be getting in trouble again. Otherwise, she should be in a safe environment, like a playpen or a room free of harmful things, while you are trying to get things done. To see what a child sees, get on you hands and knees and crawl around the house. You will probably find things you never realized. Your question is a little vague. What kind of trouble? Keep her busy, entertained, and most of all, be consistent. I know all too well about "pretending" you don't see something so that you don't have to deal with it.



Also, NEVER use bed as a time out. If you do, you are inviting a whole new set of problems. If time out is used, remember, one minute per year of age is enough. Create a specific "time out" location that is located AWAY from other distractions, and always use that location.

NICOLE - posted on 02/18/2010

OK SO I HAVE A 5 YR OLD A 3 YR OLD AND A 2 MONTH OLD SO FAR WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING WITH THE TODDLERS ARE WHEN THEY ARE BEING BAD I ASK THEM TO STOP IF THAT DOESNT WORK I TAKE THEM TO TIME OUT IF THAT DOESNT WORK THEN I TRY TO MAKE THEM TAKE A NAP IF THEY DONT LAY DOWN AND RELAX THEN ITS A SPANKING...I HATE TO SPANK MY KIDS BUT AFTER SO MANY CHANCES ITS NEEDED MAYBE YOU CAN TRY IT??

Amy - posted on 02/18/2010

My son is 19 months and we have been doing time-outs for a few months now. My son totally gets it. I will sit him in a hallway and tell him he's in a time out and needs to stay there. He will sit there perfectly still and wait for me to return 2 min later. I will tell him when I see he's doing something wrong- this is your warning- if you do it again you will get a time out. Usually he stops right away because he knows what that means.

(Thanks to Super Nanny!) I was not spanked as a child. I recently saw an episode of Super Nanny on TV where the parents spanked their kids and it horrified me to see it. It just looked so mean and awful. I think that the kids would be afraid of their parents and I feel that is the wrong relationship to have with your kids. I wouldn't want my son to be afraid of me.

Just my opinion! This is just what we do in our house and it works great for us.

Hopefully you will find something that works for you! Good luck.

Meagan - posted on 02/18/2010

I would try time-out first lyke maybe put her in her carseat or playpen (if you have one) for a few minutes until you feel that she's ready to come out. if that doesn't work then maybe a spank on the bottom just once will help