Spanking

Veronica - posted on 06/28/2009 ( 415 moms have responded )

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How many mothers on here were spanked when they were a child - do you spank your own children, or not?? Why??

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[deleted account]

I got two different perspectives on this as a child. I had a mom who SPANKED and a father who ABUSED. Even as a small child, the difference was crystal clear to me. Spanking was done in response to obvious and blatant disrespect or disobedience, not for every silly childish mistake. I understood that I had earned that consequence by doing behaviors that I KNEW were wrong. Abuse was usually done without warning, for no apparent good reason and with total disregard for the severity of my "crime". My husband and I spank our children (I should say, "spanked". I can't remember the last time we had to spank anyone.) I believe that spanking or hand smacking is the FIRST choice for small children who are too small to explain dangerous situations to and for slightly bigger kids who are "testing" whether you are going to be the parent or let them steamroll over you. I always make sure that they have been told previously that what they are doing is wrong and that they are KNOWINGLY disobeying or disrespecting me. I never spank if there is any doubt in my mind that the kid knew what they were doing was wrong/not permitted. By making spanking the FIRST choice for certain offenses you ensure that you do not do it angry or go overboard with it. You tell them one time that what they are doing is going to lead to a spanking if it continues, then if they carry on you give them a couple of calm and firm smacks to the behind or a stinging but not hard smack to the hand and they get the message. There are some kids who do not NEED to be spanked because they don't rebel and disrespect as much. For those kids, I think if telling them off ends the behavior, more the better but for many kids, it is the best way to make them understand that YOU are the parent, your authority is valid and they simply have to respect and obey you. I think once the child is old enough to reason with, say 6 or 7, spanking should be rare if ever and reserved for all out "spitting in your eye" type rebellion. Since we spanked our kids when they were younger, we've found that that most of them had already learned by that age to NOT TRY IT, so it has rarely been an issue. RE: the idea of spanking being the same as hitting and violence. That is probably the dumbest argument against spanking. All of my children were sitting in the room when I was reading the previous thread on this topic. I asked all 4 of them if they had a problem knowing the difference between hitting and spanking. My 12 year old actually laughed. They could not imagine that anyone actually couldn't tell the difference. My six year old is not confused on that issue. My children were probably the least violent kids on the block. My children understand that you do not go around hitting people out of anger but that people who are in rightful authority have the right to use physical force against you if you defy them. A knowledge and acceptance of that is very useful in their adult life as well. Try telling the next cop who pulls you over to F-off and that you will NOT show him your license OR registration. See how gently and lovingly he throws you up against the side of the car. Better to learn that lesson from a loving parent who will gently dust your backside than a cop with his knee in your back.

[deleted account]

I was spanked and so were most kids in my class at school. You had literally 1 or 2 children with parents who didn't do it ever, but they were the exception and not the rule. I've been on this earth for nearly 30 years and times have changed. 30 years ago people didn't have this debate. It was assumed that kids would get a spanking now and then. 50 years ago and you were a bad parent if you didn't do it. Parenting follows trends. All the trend setters today who call spanking abuse would have been the ones to advocate it 50 years ago.



I personally refuse to offer an opinion on the rightness or wrongness of spanking on the welcome page because I don't want to have to defend myself either way on this issue when this thread turns ugly.

User - posted on 07/15/2009

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I was spanked, if that's what you want to call it. In todays world my Mother would have been arrested for child abuse....lol I also spanked my kids when I felt they needed it. That's what's wrong with the children today, they all need a good beating and a reminder that they are the children and we are the parents. We make the rules, not them!!!!! OMG I sound harsh but it's true.

Alayna - posted on 07/09/2009

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I was spanked as a child. My mom had a thick leather strap she used on me and my brother.



Now my grandma... she would send us out back to the willow tree for a switch... if we didn't get one to her satisfaction she would get it and whip you 10 times worse.. always across the backs of our legs so we could still sit down in school... and the good switches.. well, they held a place of reverence in the window for all to see and remember what got them that whippin... As I grew up and my grandmother had passed all of that discipline flew out the window. My mom did her own thing often leaving me alone to do what I pleased which by no means helped me any to say the least.



Now I'm the mom, and I have spanked my daughter on occasion. I don't normally have to as she's very well behaved and we have gotten to the point where taking away the computer or television hurts her worse. I see nothing wrong with spankings. My daughter knows I'm the boss and when the boss is happy she gets to do and have what she likes. I always looked at the children in the grocery store pitching a fit over something they wanted or in the restaurant that won't sit down and be quiet felt sorry for them. To grow up spoiled and coddled and then turn into selfish self-centered adults is a horrible fate; one that any parent should do all in their power to avoid. I'm not saying that spanking is what it takes to achieve that as all children are different and all parents have their own ways but discipline is a necessity.

Stacee - posted on 07/01/2009

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I was raised in a strict home with the spanking log, belt and smacks across the face. I never felt it got the message across. I became fearful and disrespectful of my mother. Once I was her size I began to fight back and the hitting stopped. I really didn't learn anything by it. I was independent and I was going to be heard and understood. That's all I really wanted as a young person.





I look at my kids, and I feel like they want the same things. They want respect, and they want to be heard. You have to give respect to receive respect. You have to give trust to have trust. I have spanked my kids for being extremely defiant, rude and doing dangerous things. If timeout doesn't work, hitting rarely does either. I don't do that anymore. I think parenting is a learning curve. I wanted to be a better parent than what I experienced as a young person. I could quickly see that the swatting that I was falling into was from my experiences and possibly frustration with not knowing what else to do. I seek help from friends, teachers, counselors and blogs.





Sometimes timeout just doesn't seem to get things to sink it. I have found that some of the behaviors were from mental disabilities my children have. One son has autism and some delayed areas. The other son likely has attention deficit hyper activity disorder--ADHD. Because of these things, my approach must be different. Every child is different, so the approach must be different as well. I think it's important to identify underlying issues such as disabilities, emotions, thought patterns, personality, communication methods, etc.



I try using a counting method to give them time to make better decisions. It also helps me deal with the stress of the situation and not react out of frustration and anger. I hold my little ones in my lap or sit them on the stairs for timeout. I started taking toys, removing the priviledge of riding bikes, playing outside with friends or having a special snack. I use toys, treats and outtings as rewards for good behavior, good decisions, appropriate verbal responses, etc. I let them know that going to the zoo, park, fishing, camping, taking long bike rides, getting ice cream from Diary Queen and other things are rewards for being nice today, sharing with the next door neighbor today, helping mama pick up toys this week, being a good helper and obediant at daycare, etc. They need to be able to make the correlation between making good decisions, feeling good about themselves because they made a good decision and a reward system...with adult help.





Good behavior and trying hard should yield rewards. I help them to be proud of themselves, have self-empowerment and give those words and arms of encouragement to other children and adults around them. It's just too cute to see my 4 and 5 year olds show compassion and kindness to other children, give hugs, pat them on the back, tell them it will be okay, get them another toy to help the child get over crying and frustration, or giving mama a hug when she is stressed out. They learn from us.





We were at the park maybe 3 months ago, and a little boy lost him mom. We could see that his mom and brother were about 100 feet ahead of him. He got turned around and thought he was all alone. My son was 3 years old at the time. He ran all the way across the playground and the pavillions to offer encouragement. He gave the crying little boy hugs, patted him on the back, helped him get up off the ground, told him and pointed where his mama was. My 3 year old yelled for the boy's mother. He stayed there with him until his mom arrived. I was, and am, so proud of him. He took the initiative to help someone he didn't know at all. He knew exactly how to help the boy, and he didn't take any cues from me.





I have found that sometimes I have to change my methods of dealing with stress to teach my kids how to better cope. I teach my boys to talk about their feelings with other kids and they help other kids do the same things. I see my little guys outside talking to kids that were hurt by someone's negligence or accident. They offer encouragement, give hugs, ask if they are okay, stand up to the bully that is years older than them and 2 feet taller and come get me or another adult. Those are adult reactions, and my children are learning to make good decisions from me. I cannot be prouder. That's all I can really expect of them even as adults.

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[deleted account]

I was spanked as a child and suppose I turned out okay.

That said-let me tell you that I decided not to spank mine, but take away priviledges and talk out WHY the behaviour, deed, etc. was unacceptable. The reason was to help them learn to reason, think things through the next time before they acted, knowing they would pay with lost priviledges. Another thing, is where is the "respect" when you show your child that physical violence IS okay when it is an adult using it on them. I don't think that teaches them self respect. It sends too many mixed messages about love, physical abuse, and is a robber of self respect. Besides-if you are mad enough to hit your child you are too mad to do so.

Dana - posted on 08/01/2009

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If you child runs into to middle of the street are you going to take him aside and say "No no timmy we don't run in the street" Or are you going to smack him on the butt so he remembers to stay out of the street. I spanked my kids. But I have to say I asked them the other day if they remember the last time I did. Not one of the 3 could remember.

Elissa - posted on 07/21/2009

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I believe if you spank do not do it out of anger ,but please try to do other means first like time out or the naughty mat

Mags - posted on 07/15/2009

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I had 4 children under 6 and believe me there are so many other ways to teach right from wrong than spanking, dont get me wrong ive done before but realised there are, better ways patience goes along way , plus i always felt guilty i havent spanked in years , i feel much better and they are very well behaved children. Try other methods is my advice but it means sticking to what you say and them knowing that you mean it.

Claudia - posted on 07/10/2009

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I been spank when i was litle for fighting with my sister....there are times I did spank my kid......It just get to a piont that when he hurts his lil brother and he know what his doing and just ignore it....Its not necesary but there sure are times....

Christy - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting LISA:

ME and yes but only after three "no's"... three little whomps on the diaper... and only one spank and a no on the leg... so he gets 3 verbal warning, 3 padded warnings and then skin to skin... I've only done it for three weeks and I don't even or rarely have to go more than once on the diaper or saying no... he's 10 mths



You spank your 10 month old baby? Do your child a favor and talk to your pediatrician about other forms of discipline. That has got to be illegal. I'll admit I'm not an advocate of hitting a child of any age, but especially not a baby. You should never hit a baby!

Jenna - posted on 07/10/2009

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Some of the replies on here are insane. I totally don't get how fearing your parents is a bad thing. Fear encourages respect and honor as it states in the bible. I don't mean fear as in fearing for your life but fear as in respect and reverence. I have seen too many uncontrolled children to know that fear of discipline and fearing consequences is a must for children. I could tell you so many stories of kids I have seen and parents who don't discipline at all or not well enough. Those are the kids having the tantrums out in public. My daughter is no angel but she is pretty good when we are out in public unless she is tired...which is a whole different topic. Making sure your child gets enough sleep is a definate must.

Jenna - posted on 07/10/2009

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Some of the replies on here are insane. I totally don't get how fearing your parents is a bad thing. Fear encourages respect and honor as it states in the bible. I don't mean fear as in fearing for your life but fear as in respect and reverence. I have seen too many uncontrolled children to know that fear of discipline and fearing consequences is a must for children. I could tell you so many stories of kids I have seen and parents who don't discipline at all or not well enough. Those are the kids having the tantrums out in public. My daughter is no angel but she is pretty good when we are out in public unless she is tired...which is a whole different topic. Making sure your child gets enough sleep is a definate must.

Judith - posted on 07/10/2009

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Spanking is good it shows them who is in charge eitherwise they get out of hand. My sister does not spank her kids so they rule her unfortunately. But now that mine is a teenager I do take away the cellphone, the computer and ground her for she to me, to big for a spanking. But I see no harm in it, because what does not kill just makes you stronger. Good luck.

Jenna - posted on 07/10/2009

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I am actually surprised you got any responses to this question as I think it is a pretty private decision. I would never dream of sharing my discipline methods publicly with people I don't know. I think every child is different and you just have to find the right discipline method that works for you. When you have a strong willed child like I do, it can be challenging to find something that works.

Christy - posted on 07/09/2009

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I was spanked as a child and have the emotional scars to prove it. I think it is wrong to hit anyone, but the idea of hitting a defensless child who is only a small fraction of my size is especially disturbing - regardless of the intentions behind it. I don't even hit my dog, why would I hit my kids?

Bonnie - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Tamara:



Quoting christina:

the "emotional pain of being punished in a violent manner" Really? I was spanked ALL THE TIME with a belt and didn't suffer any "emotional pain". That's crazy!





Despite what you think, emotional pain and scars from being physically punished are very real.  I, personally, have emotional pain and scars from being spanked.  There's just something about your stepfather making you stand against your dresser with your arms wrapped around it and the only thing between the leather belt and your skin is a pair of cotton underwear into your teen years that tends to leave lasting emotional scars. X(





What you just described is not being "spanked." That is abuse. I think the problem on this particular subject is that everyone has a much different idea of the definition of spanking. To me, it might be giving the bum a good whack in order to reinforce a point to a child who blatantly defies. To someone else, being hit across the back with a leather belt might be considered spanking. To me that's abuse. I think this is why anti-spanking parents fell the way they do; they don't want to cross the line into physical abuse that can cause the emotional scarring Tamara is referring to.

[deleted account]

Wow what a thread. Everyone has different children and different ways that work. I was spanked as a child and have growen up with no problems. I have a daughter that you can not raise your voice around because unfortunatly her farther and I did alot of yelling in the end of our marriage. I have tried time outs she has deystroyed the door in her bedroom, I have tried 123 magic that seemed to work the best for a long time untill she figured it out. I have spanked her a few times and she knows that it is a last resort for me. Oh by the way she is now ten and all i have to do is say her name in a certian tone and she done and knows it. I have respect for all who can do it without the spank good for you!!!! I choose to spank the few times I did and it was in extreme fright more then anything.

Amy - posted on 07/08/2009

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Donna, i am sorry i miss read it, that was my fault, and i still didn't mean any offense, hope you can forgive my goof

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Amy - I didn't say you'd said it was one person bashing another either or that I was the one doing the bashing. I'm the one who said that if I didn't discipline my child the way I do she'll end up in Juvi Hall, because she would be so out of control if I didn't nip some of her behavior issues now. For the most part I'm pretty lucky when it comes to my 6 year old. She stays away from children who back talk and act inappropriate and the behaviors she has displayed in the past have all but disappeared.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Bye for today day Ladies, a special thanks to Tammy and Donna, I hope to see you on this site again ! Bye the way for many years I signed notes and cards as follows:
Love Always, Momma-me-ah-can- you-see-ah- I'm-ah da, funny one. ( a sense of humor goes a long way).

Amy - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Donna:

I haven't seen anyone bashing anyone else on here. Mothers (Christian or otherwise) are merely expressing their opinions, beliefs, views, etc. nothing more. If anyone has offended anyone on here then those who have been offended need to speak up and be an adult about it and let the person who offended them know just as much and resolve the issue. TinaMarie and I have gotten past our disagreement, and moved on. Can you do the same?



I wasn't refering to just one person, i was spanked and i do spank (not abuse) and there is alot of bashing going on. There are the ones that don't spank saying that any mother that lift her hand to swat their child on the butt when they need it is abusing their child and then you have others that do spank saying that if you don't swat your child your kids will end up in Juvenuile hall.  I didnt mean to say that it was you that was doing the bashing it is happening through out the whole forum. If you took offense to what i said then i am truely sorry i was not pointing my finger at anyone, just at what i had obsereved reading all of the post.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Wow, we are all fumbling through this, there is so much to read and so many different circumstances to consider, God Bless You All. Parenting is tough and we try hard and sometimes fail, but we go back at it each day BECAUSE: Our children are worth it ! and all of you Ladies are here to help or become better parents , I applaud you all.

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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I haven't seen anyone bashing anyone else on here. Mothers (Christian or otherwise) are merely expressing their opinions, beliefs, views, etc. nothing more. If anyone has offended anyone on here then those who have been offended need to speak up and be an adult about it and let the person who offended them know just as much and resolve the issue. TinaMarie and I have gotten past our disagreement, and moved on. Can you do the same?

Amy - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting TinaMarie:

Thanks for your reply, In our home God and the Bible is our final authority, I realize this is not always the case. I feel badly for the children (like those you mentioned) and the parents of naughty / disrespectful children, it sets a pattern for unhappiness, I am clueless how to rectify those issues not dealt with young or by their parents. I failed to share the most important part of this issue FORGIVENESS, we always told our girls we forgive them, and restored proper fellowship with them. My girls are 22+, 21+ and 15. And you may have guess, but yes I am a Christian, Ministers wife and have used time out, grounding, denial of privileges, and I spanked and was spanked. If at any point I have offended you ,I am sorry and I ask your forgiveness .This site was listed for Christian moms and comments about God and the Bible are very passionate issue for me, because I believe that all we need to know is specifically or generally contained in scripture. I use it daily not just to read, but to direct my whole manner of life. The things I don't like about the web are the things that make it safe,:you can not see my face and expression, nor hear the tone of my voice. My comments were not to be nasty in any way, just to share my perspective, with the facts I live with. thanks again for the interaction. May God Bless You and Yours.



Tina i agree with you and this discussion started out with a simple question and has turned into a bashing zone.

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Tina - I agree with you about forgiveness, it is an important part of learning how to grow up and be happy. I was raised in a Christian home, and I turned out just fine, but I also realized following any organized religion was not for me. I have my husband's 100 percent support on not having our child attend organized religion unless she chooses to do so. I refuse to force any kind of religion on her and we are letting her choose her own path to how she comes to know whatever higher being she allows in her life. My husband was allowed to choose his own way when it came to religion and he knows a lot more about the bible and all of it than I do! No kidding! I feel I was forced to attend Church every Sunday and I resent my mom for it, although since having my daughter 6 years ago we have gotten closer. We understand each other much better now and she does not ask me when I am going to go back to church and when am I going to let our daughter attend Sunday School, etc. She respects my beliefs and knows that I will not let my daughter fail to recognize there is something better out there for her. I was in no way offended, although I can see that that may have come across as such and you need not ask for forgiveness from me, but perhaps the other way around.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Thanks for your reply, In our home God and the Bible is our final authority, I realize this is not always the case. I feel badly for the children (like those you mentioned) and the parents of naughty / disrespectful children, it sets a pattern for unhappiness, I am clueless how to rectify those issues not dealt with young or by their parents. I failed to share the most important part of this issue FORGIVENESS, we always told our girls we forgive them, and restored proper fellowship with them. My girls are 22+, 21+ and 15. And you may have guess, but yes I am a Christian, Ministers wife and have used time out, grounding, denial of privileges, and I spanked and was spanked. If at any point I have offended you ,I am sorry and I ask your forgiveness .This site was listed for Christian moms and comments about God and the Bible are very passionate issue for me, because I believe that all we need to know is specifically or generally contained in scripture. I use it daily not just to read, but to direct my whole manner of life. The things I don't like about the web are the things that make it safe,:you can not see my face and expression, nor hear the tone of my voice. My comments were not to be nasty in any way, just to share my perspective, with the facts I live with. thanks again for the interaction. May God Bless You and Yours.

[deleted account]

I don't think spanking is a good form of punishment because it doesn't last. A child pulls on the table cloth, you pop him, and then what? Its over. I think time out for the young child and taking away privileges for the older one are better forms of punishment. I know some children are more difficult but I think there is always something more effective than physically hurting your child because he does something wrong. Besides, my mother used a switch on me and I swore I wouldn't do it to my child.

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Ok, ok I give - I'm crying 'uncle' here I can't take this anymore. I bow to those who are raising their babies right now, who have no real experience in raising a child and cannot fathom spanking their own flesh and blood. I'm done with this thread and no, nobody scared me away. I am walking away of my own accord and telling you all right now I am through. Thanks so much for being understanding to my opinions, although they did not agree with yours. I appreciate having the opportunity to express my opinions. You're all such great pals.

Charissa - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Katie:



Quoting Amy:




Quoting Jennifer:





Quoting Amy:

I believe that not every child is the same, which means what one parent uses to discipline their child, may not work for others. There is a difference in a spanking for discipline, and a beating just because you're annoyed. I've known children who don't respond at all to time outs or favorites being taken away, just as I know some children don't respond at all to spanking. You have to find a method that works best for you and your child, so as not to become an idiot on the Maury show crying about your unruly child.










so let me pose a hypothetical scenerio to you... lets say you've used both spanking and time-outs, priveledges taken away or whatever other means of discipline and "NONE" have worked... you would simply give up on the child and say "ive tried everything, this child is simply unruly"?










the reason i ask this is b/c there is no such thing as a "bad" child... a child is never born bad... we may simply not be disciplining them correctly as the parent... and i dont mean by the means of discipline... it could be a number of underlying factors: behavioural disorders, tramatic experiences, inconsistancy, problems at school etc etc etc. it is ur job as the parent to get to the bottom of 'unruly' behaviour and to simply say the "time-outs" just aren't working is not getting to the bottom of "why" they aren't working... could they be due to how you execute them? could it be due to lack of parental consistancy? could my child be having other issues or additional pressures in his life right now? when a time-out isn't working that is ur time to sit down and be an objective parent...












Look here miss anti-spanking I'm better than you because I would never do it. I personally don't have to spank my child, he responds well to time out, but I understand the necessity of spanking for some parents. I'm not saying that spanking is an ultimate answer niether is time out. The whole point of "finding out what works best for you and your situation" which includes seeking help if nothing is working. Most doctors give wonderful resources to these things. Not one persons way is ultimately the best for every child. I was spanked a small handful of times as a child, and as I said there is a difference to spanking and beating. It is your responsibility to be a PARENT period! Which means do what works best for your child. Just because a parent spanks, does not mean that they are abusive or short tempered or trying to rule out of fear. It has been a method of disipline since way before our times and I can only assume will continue to be a method of disipline for years to come. So try getting off of your high horse fo five minutes and just realize, that you have not had the ability to live everyone else's lives to see why they chose what they chose and why it works for them. You are not all knowing and niether am I. Just because you load yourself up with literature and various forms of information, does not give you the knowledge to pick and choose what is best.









  






I agree 100% with Jennifer and her opinons. I also respect the fact that she does " load herself up with literature and various forms of infromation"...thats more than many mothers on this site and its unfair to assume she does not have the knowledge to pick and choose what is best. 






I was spanked as a child and I can say it really didn't ever do anything productive for our family. I was scared to get spanked after doing something wrong, but that never stopped me from doing the wrong in the first place. 






In my opinon, there is NO NECESSITY to spanking a child whether this form of dicipline has been around for years or not. Hitting children in schools was used as a form of dicipline for years, but for some reason its not ok for someone else to hit your child, but it is ok for you to hit your child? LAME






People should take the time to figure out what works for their child, but this should NEVER EVER include hitting/smacking/spanking to any degree...especially out of anger. 






How can anyone look at their child and actually cause physical pain to their little bodies....even if it hurts for only 2 minutes.






I can PROUDLY say I am joining Jennifer on her high horse and hope that others will come to their senses and STOP SPANKING CHILDREN.






 






 






 






 






 





I too am supporting Jennifer.  Having read all of the attacks against her, I feel that many responders on this site has been extremely rude to her with no cause.  She has merely expressed her opinion as everybody else has on this forum. 



I myself spanked my child and has since stopped because it did nothing to instill discipline in my child. It only made him fear me and created behaviour (ie. reacting with violence when he becomes frustrated) that I believe was directly related to getting spanked.  I have LEARNED other methods of dealing with my child's behaviour since.  They are just as effective and he is a much happier child because of it!!!! 
He is also a much better behaved child now than he was when he was being spanked!!!!!!!!!!!



Also, for those of you who have commented that they are "spanking only as a last resort"....this seems to suggest that you are spanking in frustration because you've tried other things that didn't work.  Please do not delude yourselves into thinking that you're spanking to discipline...you're spanking to release that frustration (that is anger).  I know, I did it.  It didn't stop the "bad" behaviour and it did not make me feel any better. 



There is NOTHING WRONG with LEARNING from others (be it professionals in child rearing, medical professionals or other parents).  All we need to do is to be open to new things...that is what a good parent should be about. 



Whether you SPANK or DO NOT SPANK that is your choice.  But..do understand that your actions has consequences.  You need to ask yourselves why you really spank your child.  And be truthful to yourself. 

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Sorry lady with the pink font. But God establishes authority, judgment and punishment. The Bible Old and New testament has application for today and to say it doesn't visits the issue of if we can believe it or not , if we can't trust it to show us how to deal with others today then why would we trust it to show us how to spend eternity with God. The Bible does not condone abuse, it does however teach us that love with out correction fails, the law of reap and sow establishes fair and equal treatment. Rules protect our rights and responsibilities. Those who break the rules put them selves in the position of punishment. Patterns, are so important for the future. parenting is a responsibility and should be taken seriously, leadership in the parent /child relationship is key, we did not birth pals, playmates, or friends ( those relationships profit us).

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Sorry lady with the pink font. But God establishes authority, judgment and punishment. The Bible Old and New testament has application for today and to say it doesn't visits the issue of if we can believe it or not , if we can't trust it to show us how to deal with others today then why would we trust it to show us how to spend eternity with God. The Bible does not condone abuse, it does however teach us that love with out correction fails, the law of reap and sow establishes fair and equal treatment. Rules protect our rights and responsibilities. Those who break the rules put them selves in the position of punishment. Patterns, are so important for the future. parenting is a responsibility and should be taken seriously, leadership in the parent /child relationship is key, we did not birth pals, playmates, or friends ( those relationships profit us).

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Sorry lady with the pink font. But God establishes authority, judgment and punishment. The Bible Old and New testament has application for today and to say it doesn't visits the issue of if we can believe it or not , if we can't trust it to show us how to deal with others today then why would we trust it to show us how to spend eternity with God. The Bible does not condone abuse, it does however teach us that love with out correction fails, the law of reap and sow establishes fair and equal treatment. Rules protect our rights and responsibilities. Those who break the rules put them selves in the position of punishment. Patterns, are so important for the future. parenting is a responsibility and should be taken seriously, leadership in the parent /child relationship is key, we did not birth pals, playmates, or friends ( those relationships profit us).

Denise - posted on 07/08/2009

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sometimes it is necessary but only at certain stage and not too often. yes i spank when estreamly necessary

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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I don't need a bible to tell me how I should act. I grew up attending Church every Sunday and attended Bible Summer Camp for about 10 years. I remember quite well what the bible says is right and wrong. God may establish authority, judgment and punishment, but not quite so forceful in my home. My husband and I are the final authorities, judges and punishers (so to speak) where our child is concerned. No, we did not birth pals, playmates or friends, that much is true. But we also did not birth our children to treat us with disrespect, disdain or foul language either. While it may be true that the Old and New Testaments have applications for how to raise today's children, I fail to see many parents following those applications. Many of my child's classmates at school are foul-mouthed, out of control, beligerent (sorry that isn't spelled correctly) and generally disrespectful to their elders and anyone else who is in authority. They kick, punch, and scream obscenities at staff members at school, think its funny and continue to act inappropriate. Where are these children's parents and why aren't they doing what the bible tells them to do? Is it because perhaps they are not reading the bible or is it because they don't really care for their children and how they behave, so long as they are not interrrupting their daily tv viewing? How would you suggest these parents get their kids back in line? Read the bible to them? Sorry, but my world and yours are complete opposites and I disagree with you.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Sorry lady with the pink font. But God establishes authority, judgment and punishment. The Bible Old and New testament has application for today and to say it doesn't visits the issue of if we can believe it or not , if we can't trust it to show us how to deal with others today then why would we trust it to show us how to spend eternity with God. The Bible does not condone abuse, it does however teach us that love with out correction fails, the law of reap and sow establishes fair and equal treatment. Rules protect our rights and responsibilities. Those who break the rules put them selves in the position of punishment. Patterns, are so important for the future. parenting is a responsibility and should be taken seriously, leadership in the parent /child relationship is key, we did not birth pals, playmates, or friends ( those relationships profit us).

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Donna:



Quoting User:

yes i was spanked growing up...and nope. don't spank. personally think that christians need to do a better job at studying proverbs. Personally I think that Proverbs are generally true statements about the way that life tends to work. I think if Christians took Proverbs 31 (the virtuous woman) as literally as they get on the whole spanking/rod bandwagon, we'd have alot of disillusioned angry women out there. Why is it we can so easily take to certain proverbs as so very literal and others as figurative? i don't think it's a good idea to teach "hitting" your children as biblical based on the fact that these are proverbs...not commandments. on a personal level-i don't see the Lord purposefully hurting/hitting His children to teach them a lesson. he seems to use primarily natural consequences to come about as results of their behaviour. now we as parents must come up with consequences sometimes depending on the situation...but to justify hitting your children, yet telling them that is a loving action...is a)confusing b)not even a biblical pattern set forth by God and c)not very creative parenting. i see corrections moments as teaching moments...if i'm too lazy to teach them something because i just want to "spank" them and get it over with...what is that teaching them? what does that teach them about the character of the God I strive to serve? no matter how much i try to explain myself afterwards, it tells them not much else other than..."if i disobey...mommy and daddy will hurt me." i want them to obey because it is right...not because they fear getting hit. Who am I to set myself up as higher than the Lord and say that hitting my child is alright? I am not. Sorry for the atrocious composition and grammar! It's late and I'm pregnant again:P





Wait, wait, wait a minute! Are you assuming that every mother on here is a Christian? Proverbs is Old Testament and completely out of date for parents in the 21st Century. God/the Lord has nothing to do with how we as parents raise and discipline our children. At least, not me. Granted, without this higher being we may not have children in our lives at all. However, if done correctly, a single swat to the behind is enough to let the child know that what they are doing is not acceptable, safe or respectful (depending on the situation at the time). There are many reasons for spanking a child, and I for one know that if I did not keep my child in line with an occasional spanking, she would be so totally out of control and I would not be able to live with her. She would eventually become an uruly, undisciplined teen-ager, I would not be able to control her any longer and would be forced to send her to Juvenile Detention. Yes, that's right, Juvi Hall. HOWEVER, because I am nipping bad/unwanted/disrespectful behavior now while I am still in control of her, I will not have any issues with her when she becomes a teen-ager. Already she has learned that if she backtalks, screams, yells, demands things from either her father or me, she gets a swift swat on the clothed bottom and the discussion is over. I no longer have to chase her around the house trying to get her attention. Discipline is swift and immediate, there is no wondering 'when am I going to be punished?' She knows the minute the words are out of her mouth that she's in trouble. And trust me, she immediately starts to apologize, but still gets the single spanking on her behind. That being said, she does not get spanked for every little thing. If she is respectful, kind and does what she is asked/told to do, no problem. She has even gotten to the point in her thinking process to say'No, I don't want to' but guess what? She does it anyway, knowing there will be less trouble for her and things go smoothly and everyone in the household is happy. Learn to pick your battles, know when to duke it out and when to back off and let kids be kids, but be consistent about it. Sometimes being a parent is a fine line and it's not always easy to walk the walk and talk the talk. You don't always get it right the first time, or the second or the third. Eventually you get to where you are managing your life day to day and things are going along really well. Just my humble opinion - oh by the way.





 

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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FINE JOB TAMMY !!! I have 3 girls 22, 21 and 15, these principles worked for me as a child and as a parent. The fact that she is asking and concerned will keep her from going too far.

TinaMarie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Tammy:

I got two different perspectives on this as a child. I had a mom who SPANKED and a father who ABUSED. Even as a small child, the difference was crystal clear to me. Spanking was done in response to obvious and blatant disrespect or disobedience, not for every silly childish mistake. I understood that I had earned that consequence by doing behaviors that I KNEW were wrong. Abuse was usually done without warning, for no apparent good reason and with total disregard for the severity of my "crime". My husband and I spank our children (I should say, "spanked". I can't remember the last time we had to spank anyone.) I believe that spanking or hand smacking is the FIRST choice for small children who are too small to explain dangerous situations to and for slightly bigger kids who are "testing" whether you are going to be the parent or let them steamroll over you. I always make sure that they have been told previously that what they are doing is wrong and that they are KNOWINGLY disobeying or disrespecting me. I never spank if there is any doubt in my mind that the kid knew what they were doing was wrong/not permitted. By making spanking the FIRST choice for certain offenses you ensure that you do not do it angry or go overboard with it. You tell them one time that what they are doing is going to lead to a spanking if it continues, then if they carry on you give them a couple of calm and firm smacks to the behind or a stinging but not hard smack to the hand and they get the message. There are some kids who do not NEED to be spanked because they don't rebel and disrespect as much. For those kids, I think if telling them off ends the behavior, more the better but for many kids, it is the best way to make them understand that YOU are the parent, your authority is valid and they simply have to respect and obey you. I think once the child is old enough to reason with, say 6 or 7, spanking should be rare if ever and reserved for all out "spitting in your eye" type rebellion. Since we spanked our kids when they were younger, we've found that that most of them had already learned by that age to NOT TRY IT, so it has rarely been an issue. RE: the idea of spanking being the same as hitting and violence. That is probably the dumbest argument against spanking. All of my children were sitting in the room when I was reading the previous thread on this topic. I asked all 4 of them if they had a problem knowing the difference between hitting and spanking. My 12 year old actually laughed. They could not imagine that anyone actually couldn't tell the difference. My six year old is not confused on that issue. My children were probably the least violent kids on the block. My children understand that you do not go around hitting people out of anger but that people who are in rightful authority have the right to use physical force against you if you defy them. A knowledge and acceptance of that is very useful in their adult life as well. Try telling the next cop who pulls you over to F-off and that you will NOT show him your license OR registration. See how gently and lovingly he throws you up against the side of the car. Better to learn that lesson from a loving parent who will gently dust your backside than a cop with his knee in your back.


 

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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You know what's funny? You can have grown up never being spanked and still have confidence/self-image issues. I was never touched by my parents or yelled or screamed at. I was a really good kid and never wanted to disappoint them by doing something wrong. However, I grew up having low self-esteem and married the first man that asked me to marry him. Boy was I stupid. The next man I married was just as bad or worse than the first. I finally got it right the third time. There are no head games or issues on how to discipline our little one. He was spanked, I was not. However, we choose to spank only when necessary (and not as a last resort).

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Gina:

It is not against the law in Alberta to spank your children - but it is however against the law to spank them with anything other then your bare hand - using a wooden spoon, belt, paddle - or any other object can lead to assault with a weapon. (NO LIE LADIES)
I used to threaten to use a belt or the wooden spoon and was told clearly and boldly by a Child Services Worker that it is unlawful to threaten to harm a child with an object and further trouble to use it. Just a little tid bit I learned.


Well, thank goodness I don't live in Canada - I'd probably be in prison now. 99.9% of the time I use my hand, but there is on the rarest of occasions that I did use a wooden spoon, not only on my youngest daughter, but also on my now two grown children when they were little and out of control. Granted, I didn't like it, but I suffer from ganglion cysts in my wrist and even though I swatted their behinds only one time, the cysts would swell and cause pain in my wrist and I would not be able to type at my job as a secretary. Hence the wooden spoon. Somehow the wooden spoon was afforded more respect than my hand because they knew it would hurt worse (on a clothed bottom). So...I feel I must let you know that I shared custody of my two older children with their father in another state and being he was a single father, had no clue as to how to properly discipline his children. He let them do whatever they wanted and didn't much give a flying you know what as to where they went or what they did. One (the oldest) has grown up to be a fine upstanding citizen, the other has gotten fat, lazy and sleeps around with other men. She was married, but while in the process of getting divorced slept with another man and got pregnant with her third child by this guy. True story.

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting User:

yes i was spanked growing up...and nope. don't spank. personally think that christians need to do a better job at studying proverbs. Personally I think that Proverbs are generally true statements about the way that life tends to work. I think if Christians took Proverbs 31 (the virtuous woman) as literally as they get on the whole spanking/rod bandwagon, we'd have alot of disillusioned angry women out there. Why is it we can so easily take to certain proverbs as so very literal and others as figurative? i don't think it's a good idea to teach "hitting" your children as biblical based on the fact that these are proverbs...not commandments. on a personal level-i don't see the Lord purposefully hurting/hitting His children to teach them a lesson. he seems to use primarily natural consequences to come about as results of their behaviour. now we as parents must come up with consequences sometimes depending on the situation...but to justify hitting your children, yet telling them that is a loving action...is a)confusing b)not even a biblical pattern set forth by God and c)not very creative parenting. i see corrections moments as teaching moments...if i'm too lazy to teach them something because i just want to "spank" them and get it over with...what is that teaching them? what does that teach them about the character of the God I strive to serve? no matter how much i try to explain myself afterwards, it tells them not much else other than..."if i disobey...mommy and daddy will hurt me." i want them to obey because it is right...not because they fear getting hit. Who am I to set myself up as higher than the Lord and say that hitting my child is alright? I am not. Sorry for the atrocious composition and grammar! It's late and I'm pregnant again:P


Wait, wait, wait a minute! Are you assuming that every mother on here is a Christian? Proverbs is Old Testament and completely out of date for parents in the 21st Century. God/the Lord has nothing to do with how we as parents raise and discipline our children. At least, not me. Granted, without this higher being we may not have children in our lives at all. However, if done correctly, a single swat to the behind is enough to let the child know that what they are doing is not acceptable, safe or respectful (depending on the situation at the time). There are many reasons for spanking a child, and I for one know that if I did not keep my child in line with an occasional spanking, she would be so totally out of control and I would not be able to live with her. She would eventually become an uruly, undisciplined teen-ager, I would not be able to control her any longer and would be forced to send her to Juvenile Detention. Yes, that's right, Juvi Hall. HOWEVER, because I am nipping bad/unwanted/disrespectful behavior now while I am still in control of her, I will not have any issues with her when she becomes a teen-ager. Already she has learned that if she backtalks, screams, yells, demands things from either her father or me, she gets a swift swat on the clothed bottom and the discussion is over. I no longer have to chase her around the house trying to get her attention. Discipline is swift and immediate, there is no wondering 'when am I going to be punished?' She knows the minute the words are out of her mouth that she's in trouble. And trust me, she immediately starts to apologize, but still gets the single spanking on her behind. That being said, she does not get spanked for every little thing. If she is respectful, kind and does what she is asked/told to do, no problem. She has even gotten to the point in her thinking process to say'No, I don't want to' but guess what? She does it anyway, knowing there will be less trouble for her and things go smoothly and everyone in the household is happy. Learn to pick your battles, know when to duke it out and when to back off and let kids be kids, but be consistent about it. Sometimes being a parent is a fine line and it's not always easy to walk the walk and talk the talk. You don't always get it right the first time, or the second or the third. Eventually you get to where you are managing your life day to day and things are going along really well. Just my humble opinion - oh by the way.

Carol - posted on 07/08/2009

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I was spanked as a child. Not abused by no means. I deserved the spankings. I spanked my children but not being mad when I did it. I would just sit in a chair and tell them to come and get across my lap. Didn't yell at them at all, just gave them a wack or two on the butt... I lost my son tragically 2 years ago this Dec. and he was 47 and one of the things he had told me a number of times was, " Mom, I am so proud of the way you and dad raised me. I know the spankings made me a better person and I thank you." I will always remember that. Like I said the spankings were not given in anger. Just wanted to share what he said with you. Thanks

April - posted on 07/07/2009

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I was spanked as a child but not very often I was pretty good but my brothers were always getting spanked with the belt. I do spank my son, we waited till he understood he was doing something wrong. We usually reserve it for defiance and extreme measures. We usually try not to spank when we are mad or just to punish but to discipline and we have a 3 smack rule anything over that is to hurt him not correct him. If he runs in the street he is going to feel the pain on his bottom that could have happened so he doesn't do it again. Time outs work good for most things for him though, he hates that the most. And since we have spanked him a threat works real good so we don't have to a lot because he knows we will. I think that is the key follow through.

April - posted on 07/07/2009

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I was spanked as a child but not very often I was pretty good but my brothers were always getting spanked with the belt. I do spank my son, we waited till he understood he was doing something wrong. We usually reserve it for defiance and extreme measures. We usually try not to spank when we are mad or just to punish but to discipline and we have a 3 smack rule anything over that is to hurt him not correct him. If he runs in the street he is going to feel the pain on his bottom that could have happened so he doesn't do it again. Time outs work good for most things for him though, he hates that the most. And since we have spanked him a threat works real good so we don't have to a lot because he knows we will. I think that is the key follow through.

Tonya - posted on 07/07/2009

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we were beat......... welts up the backs of our legs and sometimes the belt had missed our bare bottoms and welted our lower backs or our sides. We were screamed at ordered around and eventually I was even sexually abused. I respected and feared my elders through it all. Did, I spank? Yes. Did I beat HELL NO! My children have never nor will they ever experience what I did when I was growing up. Was I afraid of the rules of spanking? No, b/c I never beat them. If they needed a 'get your attention' swat on the butt in a store they got it. But, it seldom happened and I think b/c how I did it made it work for me. I did however yell. THAT I am not entirely happy with and found it harder to to retain that. But, the 'laying on of hands' happened. when it was needed. AND it hasn't happened in many years. My children love me .... they hug on me all the time. Even my adult son (19) comes home to mamma to get hugs and of course food. Infact, the last time he got smacked he was 18 years old. I'm 5'2" and he's 6'1" he said i was "acting bitchy". He admitted that he deserved that slap in the face. Of course it was after he laughed a bit (making me madder) at how fast i whirled around on him and caught him.

Stephanie - posted on 07/07/2009

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I believe in spanking not abusing. Their is a big difference. One of the biggest difference is why they get spanked. You don't spank for mistakes. You only spank when it is to displine and no other mannor has worked

Annette - posted on 07/07/2009

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Yes was spanked, my dad used his belt. I do not need to spank. Starting at birth and teaching the child what is acceptable and what is not is how it worked for me.

VICTORIA - posted on 07/07/2009

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AMEN!!!!! YOU GO MAGGIE!!!I THINK DISAPLINE SHOULD START AT HOME, AND PUTTING LITTLE JOHNNY IN A CORNER JUST DOESN'T CUT IT! KIDS AREN'T AFFRAID OF AUTHORITY ANYMORE, AND THAT'S SCARRY! I'M NOT SAYING BEAT THEM, BUT THEY NEED TO KNOW SOME FEAR FOR DISAPLINE. EVER SEEN THE KIDS ON SUPER NANNY? IF THEY EVER NEEDED ANYTHING, IT WAS A GOOD POTCH ON THE BUTT!!!!!

Charissa - posted on 07/07/2009

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I was spanked as a child....I still remember an incident when my mother chased me around with a slipper to spank me and accidentally broke my lip. She was in such a heat of anger that she didn't even notice it and denied that she did it to me later....that was more than 20 years ago and I still remember and still resent it to this day.



I did spank my little boy when he started acting up at about 2 and 1/2 yrs old but stopped soon after because of the guilt I felt after the spanking. He is now almost 4 years old and I am proud to say that I have not lifted a finger to physically hurt him since then. I knew that I was spanking out of frustration, not out of some sense of lesson in discipline...It certainly didn't teach him anything other than to fear me and to act in violence when he is angry and frustrated. I'm now dealing with the consequences of that.



I guess what I'm saying is that, for me, spanking is not the way to teach discipline. I certainly didn't feel that my parents, having spanked me, taught me well in that regard. It only bred resentment in me for the longest time against my parents. Only now have I come to forgive them but I've also learned that I don't want to have that same kind of resentment towards me by my kids.

VICTORIA - posted on 07/07/2009

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YES I WAS SPANKED AS A CHILD, AND FOR GOOD REASONS AS I CAN REMEMBER. I DO SPANK MY CHILD, OCCASIONALLY WHEN NEEDED. I THINK THE REASON KIDS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE TODAY IS BECAUSE THERE'S NO REAL DISAPLINE ANYMORE. A FRIEND OF MINE IS A POLICE OFFICER AND SHE EVEN SPANKS HER KIDS! IT'S OK AS LONG AS YOU YOU KEEP AN OPEN HAND AND IT'S ON THEIR BUTT. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPANKING AND ABUSE, PEOPLE CAN GET CARRIED AWAY, THEN IT'S ABUSE... TIME OUTS DON'T WORK FOR MY KID, HE'S AS STUBBORN AS I AM....

User - posted on 07/07/2009

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Yes, I was spanked, spanked my own 2 and also do my 3 grandchildren when needed. You don't have to beat one, but it gets it across. I retired after 35 years of teaching and the behavior and respect of children has gotten so bad. I feel it is greatly due to the lack of discipline of children by lots of parents. When I first started teaching, we could use a paddle. I didn't have to spank too many. All I had to do was get the paddle out of my desk and the children would get very quiet and listen. However, generally when one got in trouble at school, he/she would be in trouble when they got home. That doesn't happen today. For the most part, if a child gets in trouble at school, it's what has the teacher done? So sad, but true.

Becky - posted on 07/07/2009

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I was spanked. The Hubs was spanked. We are not spanking our daughter, we have found other methods of discipline that make a lot more sense. I remember feeling incredibly embarrassed, hurt and vulnerable when I was spanked, and I just don't think that's a good way to teach a child what is and isn't right.

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