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Rebecca - posted on 06/28/2009
i was spanked as a child by my mother and decided i wouldn't spank my children. my son is a very happy bubbly boy and when he does wrong he gets time out. he is almost 2 and he has learned how to test our limits. we are still trying to teach him what time out is as he doesn't get it often. it is against the law where we are to even slap your childs hand, you can be reported to child services and your child can be taken away. i think it's a great idea here because there are a lot of kids around here who get abused becuase parents are too lazy to show them right from wrong. i'm not saying all spanking is lookied down upon by me,i do have a friend or 2 that choose to do so and that is their decision but it just isn't the root we are going to go. it works for some...i guess it's just like all other aspects of parenting, some breastfeed,some don't. some are stay at home moms,some are stay at home dads. each style is different and we all find what works for us.
Nicole - posted on 06/28/2009
I don't recall ever being spanked, but I was very timid and being yelled at was enough for me. My brothers were spanked though. I don't think it works. They get to a certain age where it's like "Just hit me and get it over with so I can go back to what I was doing". My husband was spanked so he thinks it's ok. Sidenote: I'm American, he's Colombian, so we have a cultural difference there. I don't think kids should be spanked for getting bad grades in school like my husband was, but if my son's about to touch something he's not supposed to after repeatedly being told not to, you better believe his hand is gonna get smacked!
Minnie - posted on 06/28/2009
I was spanked only rarely as a child. We were punitive for the first 2 1/2 years of my first child's life and then after really thinking it through we are no longer. Not only do we not spank, we do not punish. We use natural and logical consequences.
Discipline means to teach, not to hit, and shame. We do not spank because we know that spanking is simply a euphemism for hitting, and we believe that our children are humans and deserve every ounce of respect that anyone does. If it's not ok for my husband to hit me it isn't ok for me to hit my girls.
Spanking does nothing but add shame, fear, and pain and doesn't tuly teach or change the heart of a child. It has no purpose in teaching a child about danger, because what parent woul really trust their child near a busy street simply because they spank?
Spanking is lazy parenting (my opinion,). There are so many more ways to teach and guide a child. There isn't ever a circumstance that justifies hitting a child. The only thing the child learns from it is that if you're bigger, and you don't like what someone is doing, that it's ok to be violent towards them.
Children shouldn't have to be hit to learn to respect authority and to be 'good listeners.' Sorry, a good leader doesn't need to use violence to gain the respect of his or her followers.
I was spanked and so were most kids in my class at school. You had literally 1 or 2 children with parents who didn't do it ever, but they were the exception and not the rule. I've been on this earth for nearly 30 years and times have changed. 30 years ago people didn't have this debate. It was assumed that kids would get a spanking now and then. 50 years ago and you were a bad parent if you didn't do it. Parenting follows trends. All the trend setters today who call spanking abuse would have been the ones to advocate it 50 years ago.
I personally refuse to offer an opinion on the rightness or wrongness of spanking on the welcome page because I don't want to have to defend myself either way on this issue when this thread turns ugly.
Tania - posted on 06/28/2009
Im extremely against spanking... I was spanked as a child, and the emotional pain of being punished in a violent manner was definetly worst than the physical pain of it...... I think that even though parents have good intentions when spanking their kids, they never know what kind of real emotions are going on in that childs head and how the spanking really is affecting it.... For me, i was sexually abused as a young child and my mother had no idea about it... her spanking me for punishment hurt very much and i was always too aftraid to go to her about anything for fear of being punished and making her that mad... little kids dont understand why a parent spanks them... i put my son on timeout , or i take away certain priviledges .... and everything is age appropriate.... and he's a very sweet boy, very respectful.... so although i dont think that spanking has a harmful efffect on all kids... i know that it did to me and i dont think it really is worth the risk
I was also spanked as a child. I always knew what my limits were and when my dad said something I knew he meant it. I was raised to respect adults and listen to them. I knew there were consequences for my behavior and I never questioned authority. I also never doubted how much my parents loved me and don't consider the spankings I received abuse. I never had marks or bruises on my body and my dad never broke any bones. Spanking your children was an acceptable form of discipline when I was growing up. Of course times have changed as we all know. My concern is that there are too many people that don't want to spank their children but they also don't know any other effective forms of discipline because that was never modeled to them growing up. I use time outs and take away toys or privileges, but my son also gets a spanking when I think it is necessary. I would never use a belt and would never spank him as hard as my dad spanked me. Just enough to get his attention and we always talk about the behavior and why it is wrong.
Katy - posted on 06/28/2009
I was spanked as a kid, and so was my husband. We both decided against spanking our kids, and time outs have worked well for our daughter. Our son it works for most of the time, but once or twice we've been forced to swat his butt when nothing else worked. I felt horrible because it's something I hate, but when all else failed (and I do mean ALL) it was the only option left. It's helped and now I just have to mention a swat if the time out doesn't work and he will knock whatever he's doing off. My husband has never had to swat either of our kids, all he has to do it raise his voice, and they cut the crap out. My daughter is 8 in a few days, and my son just turned 5 and they are both well behaved kids.
Julie - posted on 06/28/2009
I was spanked as a child. However, I find that I can accomplish the same end by giving my daughter time outs. She's very sensitive and cries when mommy is disappointed in her. I use the rule of 1 minute for each year. On the few occassions that I resorted to spanking, I insist on using bare hand. I think parents can loose control when belts and paddles are used. If your hand hurts, so does their butt.
Veronica - posted on 06/28/2009
I guess i don't mean to condone anyone when they don't use spanking - what I want to say is, dont condone me because I do. To me, spanking is more like putting my foot down and staying there on whatever matter it involves.
Catherine - posted on 06/28/2009
my daughter is only 17 months and she lovvvees to push her limits.. so the first thing i do when she is not listening is ill give her three warnings. on the second warning ill remind her what she is doing wrong, and by the third warning ill tell her timeout for not listening to mommy. if she gets up out of time out, ill sit her down again.. but she runs outta of time out.. andill hold her in time out and tell her what she has done wrong. if she still continues to not listen after three times of time out .. where she runs out of the corner.. ill give her a spanking.. its not a spanking that hurts her long term. But the first time i did it, she laughed at me.. Its really hard trying to find a way to dicipline exspecially when there this small.. but I agree with you, she needs to respect her parents and understand that she needs to listen to me and her dad or else there are consequences. Very tough topic.. alot of moms have different ways, and that is the reality. Every parent has different challenges so I think instead of judging them for there parenting techniques we need to understand eachother.
Danielle - posted on 06/28/2009
i was spanked wen i was a child an always said il never do it 2 my own an iv never had 2. i decided if my child was naughty i would take fav things from them i have a 5yr old an its worked 4 him hes a plesant lil boy an knows wen i just raise my voice a lil that next step is fav thing is goin an since the age of 3 iv never had 2 take his fav thing away. i dont believe children should b spanked theres plenty ov other ways 2 deal with children.
Veronica - posted on 06/28/2009
We were spanked when we were little - we either got Dad's belt strap acrossed our bare behinds, or my dad's hand (ouch!) . I use spanking with my children today - I look back and we were brought up well, and were spanked when we did wrong. Mom and Dad always talked to us afterwards about what we did wrong and why. I implement this with my children too. My parents were the parents - they made the decisions, they made the rules, we were to obey, listen, and do as we were told. I raise my children in the same manner. I will confess that i am not as strict as my parents were, as i do not use a belt - but I want my children to mind the same way. What has it brought for me in my life? I feel I am respectful, Im a good listener, I do what i need to do, Im dedicated and a hard worker, and I am a good housewife, and mother. (all to the best of my ability) all because it, to me, has taught me self - discipline - you do whats right, you move ahead, do whats wrong you take the consequence at hand. We were only spanked up until early teens (11/12 yrs.) and then it was privalges taken and privaleges we had to earn.
So, what about everyone else, since this seems to be a huge topic!?
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