Spanking done right is good for kids and parents

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

I think a new profile was started.....only one post on that one....3 on the other......no name......unless I'm blind.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

So, if I'm reading your post correctly Lucy, your whole point was to call those who don't spank bad parents; accuse us of letting our children run amok; assume we don't KNOW our children are running amok; and then attack us for our views?

Ah. Well, I don't know about any one else but I feel enlightened.

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

Well according to Katherine's study 90% of parents use spanking so statistically speaking... it was one of their kids.

and I'm sure we can assume all those things about you because you do spank. Oh, of course... in a very round about way.

Lucy - posted on 06/28/2011

Why did I start this post? Because I am perplexed by the mind set that calls spanking "corporal punishment", the definition of which is; Corporal punishment is a kind of physical punishment that involves the deliberate infliction of pain as retribution for an offence. I never said anything about hurting a child. That's not me.

I also posted because a friend of mine, a young mom came on here looking for some sound advice from fellow mom's and was surprised to find this mind set that spanking is for low intelligence, bottom feeder type people and that those mom's who don't are the superior beings ready to save all of humanity from it's self. And that's not you either.

Funny story that's true. A mom of a fellow girl scout stopped me in the school parking lot one day to read me the riot act because I had told the troop leader at an outing that her daughter had refused to get off a trampoline when asked and then been very sassy and disrepectful to myself and another mother. So this mother stands next to her mini van and explains that she has the most well behaved children, and she is absolutely offended that I would say otherwise,... All the while her children were half beating each other to death, screaming, biting, climbing over the seats, they locked her out and started honking the horn. She stopped calmly in the middle of her lecture to unlock the door, shout them down, which resulted in approxiamately 10 seconds of calm, shut the door and go back to giving me what for.
No seriously, I am not exaggerating, this really happened. And she really believed her kids were well behaved. Well, I mean nobody was bleeding, right? yet. Don't worry, this wouldn't be about any of you.

My daughter goes to public school. It's a small town and considered a good school. Many of the kids are generally disruptive, disrepectful and difficult to teach. A few are downright mean. One recently kicked the principle in the face, what happened to respect? Teachers quit because they are cowed by parents that threaten to sue them for pointing out their kids issues. OK that's none of you either.

So who raises these kids? How do they get so messed up? Oh yeah, they were probably spanked for bad behavior!! No, just kidding. Their parents really didn't care. They didn't come here looking for some advice, because that would have been an effort. And that's not you.

Other people have other opinions. Like me, ...Oh, and you too.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

"Also, does anyone else find it ironic that as corporal punishment has declined (even on a small scale, like spanking) crime is increasing again... Coincidence?"



Violent crime rates have dropped. They spiked in 1990s (LA riots) and have been dropping ever since.



(edited to add link and fix time frame)



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_th...

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Which one?





***Edit: Oh about spanking going up?

Jodi - posted on 06/28/2011

I didn't see that one Katherine :)

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

It's not about adverse effects but the effectiveness of spanking which I believe is actually nil.

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

@Tiahna- Correlation doesn't equal causation. I think the crime stats nearly mirror the increase in population.



and to answer your previous question I was spanked and no one is debating whether or not it's good for your health. I certainly learned nothing from being spanked. I believe I stated in an earlier post all it taught me was not to get caught. It just made me angry and resentful towards my parents. It made me feel belittled and humilated and caused me to reject any lesson my parents were trying to teach me with it.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Spanking has actually gone UP. If you read the previous posts, I posted a study on it.

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/20...

Jenn - posted on 06/28/2011

As I stated earlier...I was spanked. I wasn't listened to and it was frustrating, hurtful and demeaning. Spankings did nothing but make me fear my parents, not trust them and often hate them. So, yeah, it was detrimental to my health. The bitch of it is...I was always a good kid. My worst behavior was being lazy (didn't complete a book report, got a failing grade plus spankings three nights in a row when I got home from school) and mouthing off as a typical teen. Yes, I got spanked when I was a junior...how freaking humiliating!! Gah...thinking of it all makes those awful feelings come back. I won't spank. Spanking is counter productive, a bullying tactic and absolutely has no business being considered a disciplinary tool! My husband was not spanked and he is a good, kind man who shares a mutual respect and adoration with his single mom. End of story for me.

Jodi - posted on 06/28/2011

I'd like to see those statistics Tiahni. Because often crime statistics also increase in economic downturns. Lack of spanking has nothing to do with crime. Lack of DISCIPLINE maybe, but again, you are equating not spanking to lacking discipline, and that simply isn't the case.

Tiahni - posted on 06/28/2011

Also, does anyone else find it ironic that as corporal punishment has declined (even on a small scale, like spanking) crime is increasing again... Coincidence?

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

I just explained a myriad of adverse effects from getting spanked.
I ran away, I skipped school, I stole, I rebelled against everything, I got into a lot of trouble.......I also had horrible anger issues.

Tiahni - posted on 06/28/2011

Just a quick question for the non-sanders... How many of u or your parents were spanked growing up, and how detrimental to your health was it as a result? I was spanked when i was raised if u did anything wrong, and i don't think there have been any real adverse affects....

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

There are many other ways of discipline. I had this kind of attitude towards spanking before I got some education.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

I KNOW you can. It's called behavior modification and it works.
There is NO reason to spank. As I said before if you have to continue to do it, one wonders if it's working. And one wonders why you would CONTINUE if it's not.
All you have to do is have some patience with your child for God's sakes. Spanking is the easy way out.

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

Interesting. I think you can still be a parent whose kids respects them and not spank/smack/whatever.

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

My husband fears his bosses, he's actually very fearful of authority figures, he's very fearful of not preforming up to par or making a mistake and losing his job because he has a family to support.... and comes from a family who never used spanking. I mean it's all becoming anecdotal at this point. And like you pointed out the argument is mute. So at the end of the day, we as parents are just going to do what we feel is right for our children and hope we are raising happy, respectful, emotionally fit (other positive qualities) through our nurturing and discipline. I don't think anyone so far on this thread takes raising their children, lightly. I think we all can agree it's a big job.



I'll be one of the first to admit (I think Krista also stated something similar) I don't think a parent who spanks as a last resort in the context of a loving, involved home will be destined to raise children any better or worse off than my own. We all make mistakes when raising our children on both sides of the fence but for the most part we also make plenty of positive choices for our children that will help shape them into happy, well-adjusted adults.



There will also be parents who make either of our methods look unfavourable. Usually those who use only one method of discipline (ex: spanking and time outs) as a be all and end all to all behaviours, those who lack consistancy, involvement and boundaries.



I choose not to spank because of my own experiences with it and how it made me feel. Because I follow my heart and conscience when making decisions in my life. If something doesn't sit well with me or feel right. If it pains me to do it, then to me... all those signs are pointing towards it being wrong. I will not ignore that pit in my stomach when I think of striking a child. I will not allow myself to become desensitized to using violence on my child. I will not find ways to justify it by saying "I know I hate it but it has to be done." or "I'm instilling fear in my children so they don't become fearless criminals".



Funny, because a lot of criminals are very fearful individuals with tough exteriors to hide that fear and low self worth. And those who are not... are usually sociopaths or mentally ill.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

"...And here's the thing that few here are going to agree with. I have no compunctions against my children fearing me a little. My daughter fears me a little. I'm the boss, and ultimately she respects that fact because she fears the consequences of defying the boss. Sure. Just like in adult life..."

I actually find that kind of sad that you're okay with your daughter fearing you. When I was using spanking my daughter feared me. I would go to give her a hug or stroke her hair and she'd flinch from me. That broke my heart. She still does it if we're in the middle of a tiff and I reach for her to take her hand. I only ever swatted her on the butt and I only ever used my hand and honestly I don't think it was that much. But it was enough to leave an impression on my girl.

I don't fear my bosses. I respect my bosses. If I fear my bosses I file a complaint and I quit. No one should have to live in or work in a fearful environment.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Katie it just sounds like you're spewing a bunch of jargon. Not to be mean.



**Edit to add: Your circular logic is making me dizzy.

Jodi - posted on 06/28/2011

"Imo, part of my job as a parent is to prepare my children for the realities life, and reality means a healthy fear of negative consequences for unacceptable behavior."



How is spanking achieving this when, if that child were an adult, it would be assault? I find this reasoning confusing. So it's okay to hit our children, but we have to teach them that it isn't okay to hit another adult in order to prepare them for the real world?

Katie - posted on 06/28/2011

Of course, that argument makes no sense, I totally agree. It also isn't an argument I tried to make. My position is that repeatedly using measures THAT AREN'T WORKING is just as likely to lead to unmanageable teens, and dysfuntional adults, just as much so as regular beatings with belts, or any amount of corporal punishment without concerted reasonable efforts to get through to children on the levels of reason, can.

I see all too often parents who address endless repeats of unacceptable behavior, (hitting other kids at the playground, ignoring their parents requests or demands, etc,) with time-out after scolding after time-out after privilege revocation, and still the bad behavior continues. Timing is everything, and genetics play a big part. Consistency as well is crucial, but consistency with ineffective methods is just wasting time and energy. And the thing is, no one here using positive, progressive reinforcement disciplinary methods and debating this point are having issues with their methods WORKING; they are, and very well, and that's the whole point.

And here's the thing that few here are going to agree with. I have no compunctions against my children fearing me a little. My daughter fears me a little. I'm the boss, and ultimately she respects that fact because she fears the consequences of defying the boss. Sure. Just like in adult life.

Look, people have jobs and often need to have bosses. If you have a boss that tolerates lateness, laziness, chronic absence, and disrespectful treatment of the boss and your coworkers, do you respect that boss? No; you either resent him for tolerating unacceptable behavior in others, or you take advantage of the fact that you can get away with slacking. Maybe a bit of both. But real life works like this: you do what the boss wants, (within reason) or you get fired. And if you have important financial responsibilities that depend on you keeping your job, then you fear that consequence for not meeting the mandates of the boss, just a little, and that's perfectly reasonable and healthy.

Now I get that we fear being fired, and not being spanked, and certainly not being beaten or abused. But when it comes to our kids...well, lol, we can't fire them!

Imo, part of my job as a parent is to prepare my children for the realities life, and reality means a healthy fear of negative consequences for unacceptable behavior. Another example; as an adult, if you damage the property of others, or assault someone, you're likely to get arrested. Getting arrested and put in jail is not like getting sent to your room. Likely the police are gonna get physical; handcuffing hurts and they mean it to. Jail is extremely unpleasant; the bed is uncomfortable, you often have to share a cell with someone scary and have to be humiliated by sharing a toilet with them. It is HEALTHY to fear this consequence, but we can't as parents re-create these circumstances for childhood infractions, nor should we. But a child who doesn't learn an appropriate level of fear at the right time... sorry, but it's the luck of the draw on how that child's life will progress ....then again, in many ways, we all take the luck of the draw no matter what we do, to a certain point. I hear stories of terrifying criminals, murderers even, who actually had very loving, doting parents. Sad and hard to believe, but true...So, ultimately, to debate this is almost moot.

Minnie - posted on 06/28/2011

I'm flattered that some think that since I don't spank I have compliant children.

Hehehe!

Uh no. I have children who are human beings with their own personalities, desires, thoughts and feelings. Who deserve their bodies and feelings respected.

I recognize that they are children. Who are immature and sometimes have difficulties controlling their impulses, who don't yet realize what is socially acceptable and who make mistakes because they are imperfect, just like me. Who aren't always capable of complying, even if they understand what I'm asking of them.

Sure, I don't expect first time obedience. Yep, sometimes they have minds of their own, and they don't do as I wish. Sometimes they say "NO!" Sometimes things take longer than I'd like, sometimes things are a hassle. But I don't hit their bodies because I wouldn't want my body hit- because it is the RIGHT thing to do- respecting their person.

Amber - posted on 06/28/2011

So, for those of you who say you've only spanked a handful of times, I'm assuming you use the very same methods that us non-spankers use for situations when you don't spank?
Does that mean that you're parenting methods are ineffective and that your children will be defiant terrors when they reach adolescence? I mean, you're using the same methods as us 95+% of the time....
So, I'm not sure how it's effective when you use it, but ineffective when we use it because we don't intermittently spank also?

Jodi - posted on 06/28/2011

Yes, it does make one wonder.....

Krista - posted on 06/28/2011

Maybe it's good for parents because it provides a certain amount of aerobic exercise and upper-body strength training? Hell, I don't know...

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

It releases stress?

Jodi - posted on 06/28/2011

I'm still trying to figure out how someone can see it as "good for parents". I wish the OP would answer that one, because I am quite confused.......

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

@Katie Honestly, I'm not the type who's going to say your two swats on your daughter's behind is going to do much if any damage. But you can't equate the two times you spanked your child to her being an easy teen. Or my two less times spanking my children than you will lead my children to be terrors during adolescence.
That argument makes no sense.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Katie I was speaking in general, not at you specifically.

Katie - posted on 06/28/2011

Ah...and you see, if you REPEATEDLY have to spank, then it ISN'T working, of course. It's that simple. If you've tried other disciplinary measures that haven't worked to stop a specific behavior, and they haven't worked, and then then you finally resort to spanking, and that doesn't work...well, then you have a situation where you will simply have to tolerate defiance, I suppose...woe to those unlucky parents, truly.

I have a girlfriend who resorted to spanking her first son over his unwillingness to stay out of the street. She saw right away that it wasn't going to work for that or any other situation; he laughed at her as if it was still just as much the game he felt it was from the start. He was about 18 months old. She never went there again. She also has to medicate him for ADHD, clinical depression, and psychosis. He's 11 now. Her second son is also a hopelessly defiant fit thrower; will comply with absolutely nothing unless it's something he wants to do, and is regularly known to refuse to do things he would want to do if it isn't his idea; I believe this is known as Compulsive Oppositional Defiance Disorder. It's truly tragic, and their mother's only recourse is to go through typical disciplinary measures as best she can and tolerate the frequently violent outbursts, because absolutely nothing really works.

If you actually read my post with anything like a truly open mind, you'd have noticed I don't have to 'repeatedly spank' my child. Nothing like it. She's received two swats in five years, and each one was a last resort measure for two different types of misbehavior, neither of which was repeated after.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Jennifer made some EXCELLENT points. My parents smacked me, hit me, spanked me, swatted me with a belt and it just made me hate them.

It also made me rebellious. I ran away, I ditched school, I got into trouble all the time.

Tell me how THAT worked out????


Please.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

My daughter colored on the walls when she was much younger. I gave her a Magic Eraser and a bowl of water and told her to clean up her mess. At first she thought it was fun until she realized I was right behind her going "No, that's not clean. Clean it again until all the color is gone. You shouldn't color on walls. Only on paper." Never colored on the walls again.

I *used* to spank (we called it "swat") my daughter. You know what it did? Made everything worse. She acted out, she screamed, she yelled, she ignored me, she defied me, she hit people, and more. And I'm not talking about she did this right after I spanked her. No, the year I spent spanking my daughter was hell on all of us. She was out of control. I finally realized something HAD to change. So I had a pow-wow with the husband and we agreed to not spank her ever, at all, any more. Then I told my daughter that Mommy and Daddy were never going to swat her again. And we haven't. There have been times when I have had to tell her "I need a time out, Sam. I'm getting so angry I want to spank you," and she backs off and lets me cool off so I can deal with her. She is a VERY willful, independent, loving, caring, and sensitive child. I don't need to hit her (spank, swat, smack, pop, or whatever the hell you want to call it) to get my point across. I don't think you need to do that with MOST kids, either.

Spanking is NOT the answer for MOST children.

Jenni - posted on 06/28/2011

I wasn't blessed with miracle, angelic, Jesus babies. They're kids. One is eager to please and one is very strong willed and likes to test boundaries. The latter just required(s) more repeatition and creative means of discipline through the tenacious twos. But now at 3 he has become very emotional fit and well behaved. It wasn't easy... I wasn't gifted with well-behaved children it was something I worked very hard at to channel him towards positive behaviours. It involved a lot of critical thinking, logic, consistancy and effort.



I'm not interested in spanking because I know for my family, it's completely unnecessary and the idea of striking my child and forcing obedience has never appealed to me. So I find other ways to make it work and I found there is a plethora of other methods out there. Sure, some may take a little longer to boast results in some children. In some cases these methods may take more repeatition and effort. But my children are worth the effort and my patience. I do all the work now to reap the fruit of my harvest in the long run. And that fruit is children who learn lifelong lessons on life through my careful guidance and discipline (that doesn't involve spanking).



And what do I have to show for it? Well, let's just say I'm very proud and pleased with my children and rarely have to implement more than a discussion on behaviour. I have earned my children's respect and trust by giving them respect and security.



Good luck with adolescence? I've known plenty of positive discipline parents who have sailed through adolescence because of their deep connections and mutual respect with their children.

My methods will continue to do their job through adolescence. Will you continue spanking yours through adolescence?



I was a royal terror during adolescene, and guess what? My parents spanked me! I just found inventive ways not to get caught. Any message they tried to teach me after a spanking was rejected because I was so angry at them for violating me, I couldn't give a rat's (fill in the blank) what they were trying to teach me after the fact. I didn't respect them, I acted like I did so I didn't get spanked for 'disrespectful' behaviours. Kids are smart at avoiding fear-based punishments and nodding yes when their parents ask them if they learned a lesson. Sure, I learned a lesson... don't get caught.

Amber - posted on 06/28/2011

I don't consider myself *lucky* because I don't spank my son. I consider myself patient.
As a parent, I've dealt with both situations that you described. Although, my son didn't go IN the kennel, he just tried to flip it with the puppies in it. I simply moved the kennel, and the dogs, to a place where he couldn't get to it. I told him that he couldn't play with it anymore. Taking soft, furry puppies away broke his heart. No more playing with the kennel.

My son also ripped books. I took those away too. If he doesn't have a book, he can't rip it. I made him throw away his favorite Cars book because he ripped the pages out. He never ripped a book again.

These are standard childhood issues. My way worked with no pain or fear.
So, once again, how exactly does not spanking mean that he is going to grow up to be a terror?
Oh ya, it doesn't.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

Here's a study and great article on spanking.

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/20...

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

But if you repeatedly have to spank then how is it working in the first place?

Katie - posted on 06/28/2011

I love this post, and every single comment.

I was abused as a child, felt the wrongness of spanking done wrong. But there is a right way, and it goes like this:

An 18-24 month old child has no sense of how he/she wants to be treated. Children this age have no frame of reference for what's appropriate and what isn't moment to moment. They just have needs and wants. Some situations can tolerate repeat unacceptable behavior, and some can't. Toddler insists on ripping pages out of books when you aren't looking, you can respond to that with a progressive method that allows for repeat performances. Toddler runs out into the street... well, unless you wanna repeat risk to said toddler's life, you MUST get all the way through to the place where they NEVER FORGET that it is UNACCEPTABLE to take off into the street, and that is sure as hell isn't FUNNY to defy parental demands in a situation like that.

For me, the first and only one of two times I've spanked my nearly 5 year old daughter, we were in the midst of a disciplinary talk I was delivering for the third time, about staying out of the dog's crate. She was 18 months old and had defied my demand that she stay out in terms that she was sure to understand, and on that third time, I'd scooped her up to hold her close and get in her face with the firmest, 'NO, you stay OUT of there' yet, and she didn't like it, so she hit me in the face.

Now there are some who would say that to respond to an 18 month old hitting with a spanking is the worst case scenario. Wrong. She was acting out of pure instinct, in an effort to control me. I was acting out of a maternal educational standpoint; We DON'T hit, and HERE'S WHY! That one swat of my open hand to her cloth-diapered bottom brought it round to her then and there, that she will NOT use hitting to get her way, or to derail reasonable discipline. It brought around to her that hitting hurts people in ways that she doesn't want, so she better not dish it out. She's never hit me, or anyone else, again.

The other time once again boiled down to repeated defiance of my repeated mandates about what not to do. She was 2 months shy of 3 years old, and I'd caught her at her third time sneaking away to find books to rip up. And yes, she was sneaking away, because even the first time she did it, she'd wandered into a different room, and the moment she saw me, she tried to hide what she was doing behind her back. From the start she already knew she was doing something she shouldn't. First came the reprimand, second came the time out, and the warning that if I found her ripping books again, it'd be a spanking. I asked her if she knew what that meant, and she nodded and covered her bottom with her hands, so she still remembered the only other time she'd gotten a swat to the bottom. I said, Ok, I don't want that, you don't want that, so NO RIPPING BOOKS, got it? She said, Got it. 2 hours later, she was hiding with some of my mom's old paperbacks under the dining room table ripping them all to hell! I only had to say her name, and she snapped around and looked at me like she knew what doom awaited her. I yanked chairs out of the way and demanded she get out of there. "You know what's next?" She nodded, already crying. "Good, but first, you pick up those papers and throw them in the trash." She did it. Then she came over to me, and turned her back to me. I took a firm hold of her arm with my left hand, and swatted her once on her bottom with my right, hard enough to jar her, but not hard enough to even make her bottom pink. I asked her, "You gonna rip any more books?" "No mommy." "You better not. Now go sit in your room for a bit." I gave her three minutes. Went in. "Why did you get a spanking?" " Ripping books." "Gonna do it again?" "No mommy." Sat down with her, scooped her up, hugged and snuggled her, and said, "Honey, I don't wanna ever spank you, but I'd already told you twice today not to rip books, and you didn't listen, did you?" Shook her head. "So if using my words isn't good enough, I will use my hand on your bottom to remind you that I'm the boss, and you do what I say, and don't do things I tell you not to." "Ok mommy." No more ripped books, ever.

Does she still push boundaries? Sure. Does she keep pushing a boundary beyond the warning that it's gonna be a spanking if she doesn't cooperate with my mandate? That's a certain No Way. Most things I'll go round about until she gets with the program without that warning, though. In fact, since the book-ripping incident, there hasn't been anything that's even warranted the warning of a spank. But I'll not hesitate to use it if I need to. Willful destruction of property, willful attempt to injure others, willful defiance of simple commands regarding safety are the only situations that may call for it. But she's now come to an age that my approval is enough, and my lack of approval is enough of a devastation, that all other issues can be handled with a disciplinary dialogue.

For all you parents that have kids that comply without the occasional spank, you are indeed lucky. However, some children will defy indefinitely without the occasional use of this measure of last resort. Spanking as a first go-to method is wrong. But so is tolerance of a child who will indefinitely defy your will, and when a scolding doesn't work, and then a scolding and a time-out doesn't work, and then a scolding + time-out + loss of privilege/appropriate property, happens and STILL there's a repeat of offending behavior....and you've decided that the only way you'll discipline is to keep doing things that obviously aren't working...well, good luck with adolescence, is all I can say.

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

First of all 15 month old's cannot control their impulses. You should know that, knowing everything else.

Spanking is corporal punishment, not discipline. Discipline means to disciple which means to teach, which means NOT to spank.

Ugh I can't even stand this debate. It's so insidious.

Lady Heather - posted on 06/28/2011

You sound like my mother in law. She thinks because her boys are good, responsible people that spanking is the only way.

Funny thing is, her older son is a functioning alcoholic. Now I'm not going to say that spanking caused his alcoholism. That isn't true. But using your sort of logic I could argue that it did because it seems to be this simple: I did action A and got result B so therefore A caused B. I think humans are a little more complicated than that.

All I know is that most people aren't perfect regardless of the way they were disciplined, but most people also aren't awful. So I can't see any reason for spanking because it seems to me that many reasonable human beings have been raised without it, myself included.

Jessie - posted on 06/28/2011

I agree. I was spanked only when needed in situations smiliar to the one your described. I too have had to use this form again similar to above situations and find it is effective. I think if you hit for everything there is a prob. Time out and taking away priviledges work other issues.

Jenn - posted on 06/28/2011

My parents spanked my siblings and I...a lot. It did nothing but make me fear and loathe them because they spanked in the place of discussion. Dad raised his voice and then his hand and I cringed. He was only authority and not my friend until many many years after I was in my 30's and he finally saw me as a person who deserves respect too. I do not spank my children and they are both sweet, kind, loving girls who don't fear me or their dad. They trust us and know that they can come to us about anything. We are strict in many ways but there is always respect for our kids. Not a raised voice followed by a swipe of the hand. In our family, spanking and negative physical contact has no place in our life.

Liz - posted on 06/28/2011

Since you only spanked your daughter half a dozen times from ages 2-4, did it ever occur to you that she grew up into a great kid because of the OTHER 99.9% OF THE TIME that you didn't spank her?



Why do you credit 6 actions that you say she can't remember? What good is it as a deterrent if she can't remember it?



Frankly, your post reads like a trollish parody post.

Kate CP - posted on 06/28/2011

To spank: TO HIT. Spanking IS hitting. Period. Full stop. No room for explanation.

Krista - posted on 06/28/2011

So Krista E, you agreed with what I said, some kids need spanked sometimes. You made your assumptions, I didn't say kids turned out bad without spanking, but some will.

No. That is not at all what I said. I don't even know how on earth you could interpret my words that way, unless it was a willful misrepresentation on your part. I don't think a child EVER needs spanking.

What I DID say is that if a parent does choose to spank, and if they use it rarely and judiciously, then I can't really protest too loudly about that.

If a parent spanks, it's not because a kid needs it. It's because that is what the parent CHOOSES to do.

And I made no assumptions. You said flat-out that spanking is necessary for most children. Not some. Not a few. MOST.

And in that, you are sadly mistaken.

Annelise - posted on 06/28/2011

Spanking here in Norway is illegal. Parents have gone to jail just for small slaps. I admit I have been tempted to slap my son many times, when he's been really impossible, but this stays my hand. I won't risk it.

Amber - posted on 06/28/2011

Let's tackle "Spare the rod and spoil the child"
If you must quote this; please, actually know it's origins.

The original quote in Genesis was this:
"Who-so spareth ye sprynge, spilleth his children."
Sprynge means to spring, and spilleth is spoil. So, the original meaning of this quote was that if you don't not act quickly to correct your child, they will become spoiled. It says NOTHING about a *rod*, this was added into bibles after 1377.


Also, I am his mother first and his friend second. That doesn't mean he's not disciplined. Has anybody read our posts?

WE DISCIPLINE! We just don't spank. There is a huge difference.

I don't think that my child will ever need a good spank to straighten him up. He'll need a good discussion and discipline that fits the action. To say that all kids need a good spank to keep them in line sometimes is absurd. My son has never been spanked because it's never been necessary.
I know numerous people in positions of high authority who have never been spanked. How could they manage employees and run companies if the were unruly from a lack of spanking?

Minnie - posted on 06/28/2011

I didn't say kids turned out bad without spanking, but some will.

You got some proof of that claim?

Dana - posted on 06/28/2011

Wow, selective hearing..