Spanking: let's just get all of the nastiness out here and call it a day!

Marta - posted on 07/06/2009 ( 368 moms have responded )

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Both of my boys are very independent, free spirited children with tonnes of energy. My oldest has grown out of the purposeful disrespect stage and has now entered the absent-minded stage so a time out or a quick "Michal!" in a loud voice tends to do it (finally!) but, his little brother is in the full blown terrible two's. We spank our kids and I really don't feel bad about it! I mean, it sucks--don't get me wrong it's not like I enjoy it--but my kids know that when mommy and daddy give them a spank they mean business! In fact, we hardly ever have to spank anymore because they understand that misbehaving after mommy and daddy have instructed them, given them time out and taken away a toy or privelege means they get spanked...and who would want that? We will never get in the way of their creativity or imaginative play but we will continue spanking if all else has been exhausted.

I know that a lot of you are against spanking, smacking, tapping (whatever you want to call it) but have you ever experienced a child purposefully disrespect you and your authority over and over again consecutively? When my kids are teenagers and they disrespect me verbally or otherwise darn right they're gonna get it; I know I did and I turned out pretty well.

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Elizabeth - posted on 07/09/2009

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I am an advocate for the powerless and no one can shut me up. I am expressing

how I feel and will continue to do so. I have direct experience with child abuse and

today, if I see an elderly person being hit, I will stop you. If I see a dog being kicked, I will call the SPCA. If I see a small child being "smacked" I will get in your face and speak to you about what you are doing to a defenceless person. Hitting small children is not a "lifestyle choice". Its a choice of a bigger, powerful person to use force to control and intimidate a small defenceless person. Call it what ever you want. Women used to routinely beaten by their husbands too and its no longer acceptable or legal. The same will eventually happen in regards to children. Ask people in more civilized countries where spanking is now illegal if children are running amuck. They are not. Parents have had to learn how to raise children without hitting them and they are doing just fine.

Valentina - posted on 07/09/2009

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I believe spanking is not really the answer. If you want your child to listen and obey, you need to be train them from infancy. It’s a fact that humans learn faster by example, love, patients and attention. we as adults respond better to someone if they are polite and respectful. So why should our children be any different if you show them by example how they should behave than in time they will learn to be all that you want them to be. I’m a mum of two and I have tried and tested this formula and it works. I have two children who are completely opposite to each other. Our little one is bold and opinionated and independent and always doing before thinking. but she is learning, without being spanked. And we are learning to channel her characteristic energy in the right direction. The key I think is to know your child and reason with skill, patients and love, and never allow your child to see they can get the better of you. Spanking I think is a short term solution and the danger is that if the child gets spanked enough times, they can get use to the idea and have the attitude well what is the worst that can happen I get spanked. But if you build a relationship with the child they are more likely to think “I don’t want mummy to get cross” based on love.

[deleted account]

To spare us the boxes, I'll just cut and paste.

LISA SAYS: Interesting how you didn't address the fact that the rod was a 6 foot pole.

To be honest, I thought this was a really minor point and there were more important things that I wanted to address. As a desperate effort at brevity, I chose not to address it, but since you insist- I am familiar with the word "Shebet". It means "a walking stick" or "shepherd's implement". That's all it means. While I'm sure you can find some reference of how it was usually 6 feet long or the symbol of whatever, that is not Biblical nor is it the definition of that word. I'm sure most people walking around in Biblical days were not mainly concerned with what their Shebet was the symbol of nor did they measure it and make sure it was exactly 6 feet long. It was a rod or stick used as a walking stick or by shepherds to herd sheep. It was used to smack animals on the legs to get them to go where they needed to go. It was used to beat people such as slaves, servants, children or criminals. Whatever philosophical meaning it may have had as a literary device, it was also a stick that people walked with and hit stuff with.

Why don't you spank with that?

Because it does not specify that that is the object that MUST be used for beating your child, that is just the object that WAS used to beat people in those days, and because I wouldn't know where to get one if I wanted one. The closest thing I could find would be a stick. Wooden spoons are made from sticks. Sounds close enough to me.

And how you gloss over the actual hebrew meaning of the words with the phrase "that's nice."

Because, as I said, that is not the actual meaning of the phrase, that is an interpretation that you read somewhere. It does sound nice but since the verses we are addressing are not philosophical, poetic verses, they are literal advice for life, that is really not the issue. The palm tree is the symbol of perfection. While interesting, that is in no way vital information when you're picking coconuts.

hmmm...the fruits of the spirit are not just those that we instill in our children. They are the ones that we are to exemplify. How does hitting your child exemplify gentlenes, patience, kindnes, and self-control?

Funny my children have absolutely no problem understanding this, nor did I have a problem with it when I was a kid. Gentleness because I do not beat them in anger. Because I spank them early I very rarely even get mad. I can treat my children with gentleness, without yelling or being cruel because their behavior is corrected long before I am angry. It takes a much more patient parent to stay on top of bad behavior and do what is right for the child. Spanking, contrary to rumors, is very difficult and painful for a parent and it would be much easier to just skip it. I see that my children have benefited from it, so I stuck with it until they were properly trained. I find it to be far kinder to make a child be respectful now when the worst they are going to get is a smack to the bum than to let them have rebellious attitudes and behavior and force them work that out later with a cop, a boss or other authority figure. I know I appreciate DEEPLY my parents doing me that kindness. Proper spanking is the EPITOME of self-control. It is correcting without injuring and having the self-control to DEAL WITH issues early and definitively instead of letting them go and losing control when the parent is at their wit's end (as many posters here are experiencing).

Yes, of course, the man Jesus didn't have children. But he is no stranger to fatherhood. If you believe in a triune God you know that he is one with the Father, who does not punish his children.

Again, the entire Old Testament, most of the New Testament and specifically the verse I quoted you flatly refute that. God is love and mercy but He is also justice and holiness. Our submission to His Will is described in the New Testament as "dying" or "being refined (melted and strained) by fire" like metal. It is a violent, painful process.

And again, the rod is a symbol for authority and the Word of God. Not a literal rod, because the verse in Exodus tells us that one can kill a person with a rod, and the verse in Proverbs clearly tells us that 'he will not die'.

This makes no sense. I can kill a person with a pair of scissors too. Does that mean a pair of scissors can't cut paper? Just because you CAN kill someone with something does not mean it has no other use. I don't know exactly what verse you're even referring to in Exodus but I'm assuming it's 21:20 which says:

And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.

That doesn't say everyone who is literally beaten with a rod dies. As I mentioned above, rods were routinely used to hit people and animals with. Everyone had one and it usually was right at hand. It was common for masters to beat their servants and slaves if they did not obey. This was totally acceptable. This verse is saying that you don't beat them TO DEATH when you beat them. Beating them is fine, killing them is not acceptable. This, if anything, proves my point, not yours.

To beat with the figurative rod is to employ the word of God in every situation and to teach and guide our children with it.

While I definitely advocate using the Word of God to guide our children and can think of many verses that urge us to do so, I cannot think of a single verse where "the rod" is used in that sense in the Bible. If there are others that you have not shared, please do. All of the verses that I can find clearly and literally are discussing taking an actual stick and actually hitting something with it. For clarity, I don't think anyone (including and especially me) is saying that spanking is the ONLY thing we do to discipline our children. It has very specific uses and is only one aspect of a whole LIFESTYLE of Biblical training.

Not hit our children with a 6 foot staff (because that's what you better be using, or else you're making your own interpretation of the Bible by using your hand or a little switch or a piece of plumbing supply line).

I don't know how to respond to this because it's just silly. I'm sorry I mean no offense but that is my honest response to it. This is just an attempt to obscure an obvious large important point by obsessing over a meaningless detail. They hit their kids with rods in the Bible because most adult males carried one around with him and it was handy. To make the OBJECT you use for physical punishment one of the ten commandments is pure obfuscation.

And speaking of "brushing over" things, you picked and chose what you responded to also and "brushed over" most of the real substance of what I said such as the verse in Hebrews and my clarification of the verses you quoted. :-) I am an avid student of the Bible. If it says something that I don't know about or if I'm wrong about something I want to know it so I can be wiser. I am seriously considering and looking at what you are saying but, thus far, the verses you've quoted and information you've given simply do not line up.
On a related point, Psalm 23 says, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." I (well David, but also I) am portrayed in this passage as a sheep. If I am a sheep then the shepherd's rod is used to smack me, to keep me in the pasture, to keep me from going where it is dangerous. It is also used to beat other animals over the head that might threaten me. The staff has a crook on the end to yank me into the right path, to guide me and to keep me with the rest of the flock. Why do those implements comfort me? Because after the shepherd uses those implements on me I am where I need to be, I'm safe and I have an attitude of submission to my shepherd. While I may not like being whacked literally or figuratively, I know those whacks put me in the right place of fellowship with my Shepherd. I have this same feeling about my parent who spanked me. While it wasn't fun at the time, it corrected wrong actions AND ATTITUDES that I am thankful I do not struggle with today. I have avoided MUCH EVIL because of that correction.

Lisa Marie - posted on 07/11/2009

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Lindsey - you don't threaten a time out - that isn't the right method - the actual thing that you are supposed to do is to take a time out. you stop what is going on & you help your child to calm down and teach them to behave correctly - you are not supposed to punish a child to discipline them. You are supposed to be teaching them self control & the proper way to behave. I could beat someone & then explain to them why I did it but it wouldn't change the fact that I just beat them. Their is no just or right reason to hit someone, child or not. Violence is not the answer. It is a fact of life that humans are violent. Along as we go on raising the children of this world by hitting them instead of accepting that their can & must be a better way to do things we will continue to have violence in our world.

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting Jaime:

this anti-discipline attitude is exactly why my daughters day care is not allowed to say "time out" because it humiliates the children, please tell me where it will end. when they go to jail because they have no idea that there are consequences to their actions, do you think that they are going to get coddled there?


They have a 'Thinking Mat' at my daughters school (she's in Reception) which i think is a great idea. We use a similar method at home.



I used to 'spank' (by which i mean a tap on the wrist or bum) but i've stopped now and find life a whole lot calmer and my daughter is SO much behaved!



Just because a parent chooses not to spank, doesn't mean that the child will grow up to think there are no consequences to their actions! Of course there are consequences to the 'naughty' things that my daughter does, reamoval of toys, time alone on her 'naughty step' and the one that works best of all, the knowledge that mummy is disappointed in her actions, or that she has hurt my feelings or someone elses.



Just because i no longer raise a hand to my daughter doesn't mean she is 'coddled', it just means i can rectify the situation without resorting to hitting her.



I'm not majorly anti spanking, on occasion it may be the best way (for some people) but i am tired of people thinking that because i don't spank my daughters (i have a younger one too, she's 1yr) will grow up to be 'soft' or 'coddled'. You can teach a child to respect authority without spanking just as well as you can with spanking. :)

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Lissa - posted on 01/15/2011

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How children are going to learn from you do the wrong thing and Mum/Dad will hit you, how are you supposed to teach them hitting is wrong but it's alright for you to hit them?Exactly how is this productive? How is it conducive to an open, loving relationship in which you teach child values and respect? What you teach your children by spanking? Violence, fear, and intimidation what a way to go about raising the babies. I also don't believe there is a loving way of spanking, if my husband hit me because I didn't do as he asked would that just be him trying to correct my poor behaviour and attitude? I'm guessing everyone would agree that's not acceptable so why on earth would it be acceptable for a grown adult to hit a child?

Krista - posted on 01/15/2011

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Seeing as this post (up until today), hasn't had any activity on it since July, I'm going to lock it and let more recent posts take centre stage.

Krista
WTCOM Mod

TealRose - posted on 01/15/2011

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You can't spank ... lovingly !!! It HURTS on the body ... and in the heart... and it disrespects the little person involved! It isn't necessary - or right - ever. When they are young ... it's up to YOU the parent to keep them safe and away from danger .. not them !! So hitting them 'to get their attention' just is lazy! If your little one runs into the road YOU should have stopped them! If they are older - then keep explaining ... and take them indoors... until they CAN remember not to run across the road !

I was spanked and it really really ruined my childhood turning it into one long fearful time. I am 56 and a grandmother .. and it STILL bothers me a lot. I still feel ... not good enough. I taught my children right from wrong and didn't spank them into submission - and they are gentle loving adults.

Marta - posted on 07/23/2009

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So I've recently started asking my oldest boy if he thinks what he's doing is a good idea; it seems to be working (he's a very bright 3.5 yr old) because it's making him stop and think (that's another thing I tell him to do is to stop and think about what he's doing) My 2.5 yr old has added kicking to his repertoire recently so now I find myself flicking the top of his foot when he kicks me he stops immediately. I've also found that sitting him down with a blanket on the couch and telling him to use his words is helping...not always but most of the time.I still give out the occassional spanking but only if they've ignored my instructions to get away from their baby sister who's having tummy time on her playmat, or just overall being beyond disrespectful.

[deleted account]

quoting Tiffany:

Listen, the truth is if spanking worked, you would only have to do it once.



I gotta call BS on this one. So you're saying you've NEVER said the same thing twice? Your kids have only been in time out ONE TIME? EVER? You've never had to discipline your child for the same offense more than once? What form of discipline works one time and you never have to do it again. Sorry. BS.

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Quoting Sue:



Jamie, I agree with you to a point on the fight fire with fire. I just have issues with people telling people they are wrong. I am not saying spanking/hitting is a be end all end but I have spanked and I have hand tapped. My daughter has never raised her hand to another in anger cause I never did it in anger. We also have to teach right from wrong.





I have never said that spanking is wrong, so I encourage you to re-read what I have written. My comments are very much on topic and you will see that I am debating the side of anti-spanking. Anti-spanking does not mean that I automatically judge the situation in terms of right vs. wrong. I consider the topic from both sides and pick my argument based on facts.







I have seen friends and family members spank, smack or tap their children and not once have I ever lectured them about how I feel about spanking and that is because I do not believe that I know the entire circumstance of what lead to the spanking.



Jamie i never said anything about how you feel maybe you need to reread my post before assuming i was saying you where judging. What I said i have issues with others telling people they are wrong. I never said that you said I was wrong

Camille - posted on 07/15/2009

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once again, putting your adult emotions on children is clearly a main reason spanker spank. I keep hearing "my child is disrespectful so I spank", "I will embarrass him and spank him in public", "I'm not going to let my child embarrass me in public, so I spank" What is truely embarrassing is the way these parents pretend their child did not learn their bad behavior from them. When my son blurts out "Oh Shi....." I know damn well he heard it from me when I dropped something on my foot. So I work with him to redirect his language. If I hit/punish him for say this phrase.....it's my fault he learned it. So I would be beating him for something I did. Mom's take some responsibility. Your kids are going to be the one's embarrassed by YOUR bad behavior.

Karen - posted on 07/15/2009

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My children are teenagers now and although can be lazy and a tad selfish at times are all considerate and respectful to us, their teachers and friends. We did discipline them when they were little, a raised voice when we really meant it , a tap on the bottom or slap on the hand to emphasise the spoken word was all that was ever needed. Yes, there were tears and tantrums sometimes too but we could usually divert that behaviour when they were very little (1-2 yrs) and avoid bad times by praising and rewarding all the tiny good things they did. From the age of 5 we never found we needed to resort to any physical promps at all.



Today I work as a Nursery Teacher with some very indulged, privilaged 3-4 year olds, as a staff team we have strong views on acceptable behaviour within our nursery. Firstly we love and care for each child as an individual, all the children are different and we respect that. However we do try to encourage and nurture sharing, caring for each other and ourselves, respecting others and their property or belongings, personnal space and independance. We correct behaviour that doesn't reflect this, set examples , talk through situations, explain what is going to happen all the time to avoid mis- understandings, create special 'jobs' for those who find it hard to stay on task or who choose to ignore requests!! Reward and praise when ever we can and remain consistant in our handling of situations!



We are still constantly challanged by some little people but with perseverance we are always rewarded a few months down the road! I still love my job and all the children that i have worked with!

Tiffany - posted on 07/15/2009

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Listen, the truth is if spanking worked, you would only have to do it once. I am not saying that a spank is never called for, I agree that if a situation threatens a childs safety or others, and the rules have been clearly laid out, a parent who rarely or never spanks, may only have to do it once to avoid ever confronting that particular fear again. Another observation I have made is the child who learns hitting as a method of dealing with disobediant friends. My daughter has actually been spanked by another little girl who was upset with her. I am by no means a great source of advice on disapline, however there is one thing I have seen over and over, and that is that spanking is inneffective, and is commonly used as relief for a parent who lost control and wants an easy answer. If it truly worked, there would be no debate. Spanking can also cause children to seek out attention good or bad, and increase bad behaviors as there is no worse punishment at that point. Once spanking is employed as a primary discipline method or one used often, the child does not fear it enough not to repeat the behavior. If only used in serious or threatening situations (like your child pushing around another child on a set of stairs or playing with a light socket for example after trying other methods), spanking can be very effective and prevent serious accidents in the future. I have used other methods, such as toy removal and room confinement which work exceptionally well for me (this could be because I never spank however). I have seen out of control children and thought.........., but, 9 times out of ten when i see their lifestyle I see other factors which could easily cause the behavior and disrespect. My daughter (the 8 year old, can be unbearably disrespectful to my husband and I. I also however am aware of factors in our life which helped breed those behaviors we deal with today (spoiling, dad giving in all the time out of guilt from deployments, us as parents not being consistent or on the same page,a new sibling etc...). As I grew angry at the behavior, I had to step back, accept my responsibility in it, and not approach it as her fault, but what we taught and need to unteach!.

Justine - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Denise:

Well my kids must be angels, because I've never had any need to spank them, they are 7 and 12 years old now, and are very loving, caring, kind and beautiful children...so I find it hard to hear that other people feel the need to spank their kids, especially when they are toddlers! My discipline with my kids when they were toddlers, was putting them in a quiet corner until they calmed down, and talk to them afterwards to let them know what they did wrong, and it worked!!



I love this response! Well said. I agree 100%!

April - posted on 07/15/2009

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I think it is awful that a mother comes on here and judges others and tells them they should be ashamed of themseves..seems a little harsh when you have no clue who you are judging..

Brandy - posted on 07/15/2009

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I think there are a lot of children out there that are out of control because the parents allow them to pursue their bad behaivor without discipline...I can't count on my fingers and toes how many disrespectful kids I have seen running around their parents because they ahve never been disciplined with a spanking, or OTHER means...ignoring bad behavior does NOT tend to work, as I see it on a daily basis. There are times to spank, and times to not spank. I use spanking's on my boys, and it has gotten to the point where I don't have to do it anymore because they know they will get it and I am not afraid of it. All Ihave to do now is start counting backward from 5 and they right the situation. My toddler gets it every once in awhile when he throws a HUGE tantrum, those are unacceptable and there are other ways to express enager besides throwing things at people...he usually goes to his bed when I tell him to go, but when he is over the top and is just too upset to see straight he gets a whap and gets put in his bed. WIthin 5 minutes he is asked ifhe is done and ready to join the fun again...sometimes he says yes, sometimes he says no, but he knows to stay in his bed until he is ready to come out.



Spanking your child is one thing, beating the hell out of them is another, and I feel that many parents think spanking is too cruel when it can be a very effective discipline. If used appropriately, you don't have to continue using it after the 3rd or 4th spank.

Kathleen - posted on 07/15/2009

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I can agree with most view points posted here in some way shape or form. I was spanked as a child by my mother but rarely and only for serious misdeeds. I never felt "hit" or abused. My mom picked her battles wisely and only once hit me in anger when I was a teen. She spanked me after sending me to my room (or returning home), after she calmed down and explained to me why I was about to be spanked. However once my uncle spanked me and I've never forgotten it....it felt wrong, like a giant was attacking me, and my mother let him have it after she returned. I felt loved and I knew when I pushed her too far. I can understand having to use a smack now and then. I have 3 children...boys 6 and 4 and a 1 yr old daughter. My daughter responds so much better to verbal correction at 1 then my boys do at their ages. Seperately I can manage my boys just fine but when they are together they laugh at any form of discipline I put out there and seem inpervious to correction. I am a mental health counselor and sometimes can do nothing to gain control of their behavior except give them a smack. I have no support system and take them all with me everywhere I go. Now just the threat of a spanking is all my 6 yr old needs to behave and if he stops misbehaving my 4 yr old left with no partner in crime will usually follow. My feeling is that whenever I am in a vulnerable position (like waiting in line to pay for something and holding the crying baby ) they take advantage of that and misbehave. Throwing food in the grocery store, taking cash out of the donation cup, running around knocking things over and breaking items, or even running out of a store through the parking lot with items in their hands. I correct them, yell out consequences, but by the time I grab and smack them people are usually looking on thinking she'd better do something to stop them. I've tried many techniques and found the "Stop and Think! Will you make a good choice or a bad choice" program to work best. I see my 2 yr apart boy combo as a perfect catalyst for driving me to use an occasional spanking. At home where I can seperate and discipline them things typically work out better. However I only hope I can deliver that occasional spank with the love and guidance my mother did. We are all only human and parents and children learn from each other daily. I am opposed to spanking as a routine or ever leaving marks. I'm also opposed to laws governing parenting (that are hardly enforceable without cameras in homes) being passed to make parents lives more complicated. All too often society likes to be critical and judgemental rather then offering assistance to an overextended parent. Even the best parent has a bad day once in a while...no need for busy bodies to get in on it by calling police and acting as if they've never broken the law in some manner excedding a speed limit or whatever could endanger someone else. Abuse is already defined and is illegal.

Good luck to all parents and children!! I agree with Hillary that it takes a village....or it's at least ideal if you have a village.

[deleted account]

Quoting Sophie-maria:

if people cant be mature enough to enter a debate without being awful about it then why bother i am not getting into this alison potter your views are absurd as i am the one saying i use non violent techniques of discipline and i would never throw my child in anger just never talk to me again.



I was never implying that you did and I'm sorry you took my post that way. I was using examples of things I have seen in real life. I was not pointing the finger at anyone on this site. Perhaps my comment does offer a window into how people who chose to tap/spank their children feel when they are accused of being violent and venting anger etc. All forms of child care can become abusive if they are missused and I was just using my real life examples to make that point. I don't see why you are mad at me because I wasn't responding to your post or anyone elses and I am the one who has tried to defuse some of the nastiness on this thread.

Lisa Marie - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Kat:

Honestly, I do spank when needed. But I am finding that as they get older they are learning it is ok to hit other kids when the other child has done something naughty. How do you explain to a two year old that it is ok for me to spank them but that they shouldn't do it to others? I am really rethinking if I should spank or not. And if not, than what to do instead when I have already tried time outs.



It depends on the situation. I personally recommend any books on Conscious Discipline. Time outs do not work all the time, you need to look at the situation. What is going on & why is your child doing the thing you are attempting to correct. Do they not understand, are they looking for empathy (some times a good "I know you really want to play right now but it's time for bed." works because it acknowledges their feelings, reinforces what the goal is and redirects to your goal & before everyone jumps on my comment I said SOME TIMES it works), is your child in need of something (attention, love, sleep, food-not a bribe you shouldn't bribe your kids with things.. just that I know I get cranky when I am hungry, so do kids), do they need an outlet for their frustration? It's all situational. A good resource is "EASY TO LOVE, DIFFICULT TO DISCIPLINE" By Becky Bailey. If you don't want to smack it is that easy to just not do it.. find other more productive ways to get the results you want...

Lisa Marie - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Rachel:



Quoting Lisa Marie:

TO RESPOND DIRECTLY TO RACHEL - First & foremost your parents & grandparents were raising children in a COMPLETLY different world.. Just because something worked for them does not make it right or the best way.. IF THIS WAS THE CASE we would never advance as a society- we wouldn't have computers, new medicines, new ways to communicate, women having the freedoms they have or thousands & thousands of things you enjoy every day - IF it were not for books or other forms of obtaining NEW knowledge people would not advance - ANY other task in life you seek out new methods or ways to do it but one of the MOST important tasks of your life, raising a child, you wouldn't try to ensure you were doing it the best way possible? You wouldn't take the time to read a book? - second I gave a many other reasons then just the fight or flight response .. MAINLY it is violence. Hitting is wrong. THAT is my response. You can not smack other people's kids around you can not smack other adults around where do you obtain the idea that it is ok to hit your own child? BECAUSE they are your child are you not supposed to cherish them above all others? Is it not your sole goal to ensure that they get the best of everything? ESPECIALLY the best form of discipline possible? YES 2 things can look completly different to different people & cause different effects... If you READ my posts you will see that I NEVER said to give a child a time out.. I said for the ADULT in the situation to take a time out. THE ADULT. You as the parent/caregiver need to take the time to react PROPERLY & find another way to show your child how to behave properly. Once you teach a child how to control themselves they learn. Yes - knowing YOUR child so that you can guide them correctly is the main point - guide them, not spank them - THAT is all I have said in ANY of my posts - One less kid smacked/hit/slapped/spanked One less time matters to ME - Voilence begets voilence - Understanding begets understanding - UNDERSTAND the child you are caring for and understand no child wants to be spanked or hit - parenting takes time - it takes time to learn how to respond without hitting your child, time to find out what does work best for them - if you don't take that time there is a HUGE chance no one else will





Firstly i respect the fact that it was a completely different world back in the day but it was a hell of a lot safer, there was no gang violence, no drug related murders and so on and that makes for a better world. Appart from the medical advances just about everything else has stuffed this world and will only make it worse. The problem is parents are'nt allowed to be parents anymore because CHILDREN have to much of a say about everything, instead of being told do something and you do it because an authority has told you to, we have kids that will stand their and dilibrately ignore the authority and do what they want because they know that the adult/authority figure cant and wont discipline them hard enough. They will only loose a toy or have to sit for 5 min in time out or maybe even get grounded for a few days, big deal what are they learning from any of this NOTHING!!! I have asked all the kids in the group that i work with what way their parents punished them when they were little, a few said that they would get a smack on the hand/butt and a few of them said they would have time out and a few of them said they would loose toys/privilages and get grounded, i then asked their opinions on the way their parents raised them and some of them said that they used to treat their punishments as just fun because they knew that after a time out it's over and done with and they would only say sorry to be able to move not because they ment it(their words not mine) and after the loss of a toy/privilage or grounding it was over and done with because they new that after the right amount of time they would get the toy/privilage back and most of the time their parents forgot about the groundings(again their words not mine) so they did'nt care because basically it was a very weak punishment, now for the kids who were smacked they all turned around and said that they hated their punishment NOT because a smack hurt but because they new they were in big trouble if the got a smack and it was obviously for something dangerous because they all said that once they were smacked it was explained to them and they new not to do it again and they also said that they never treated their punishments as fun cos it was'nt but the one thing they did say that has stuck in my mind was the fact that they respected their parents for the way that they punished them, however the ones that just got time out, loss of a toy/privilage or grounded had no respect for their parents cos their punishments were easy and basically taught them to lie and say sorry to get what they want.(again there words not mine) Now these kids range between 13-18 and there's only about 40 kids to this group but hey the majority of them were spanked as kids and it was only the minority that were'nt smacked so obviously we wont be getting any stats out of this but it did prove one thing to me that if these kids are 13-18 and the ones who were smacked all said that they respected their parents for it then how the hell is smacking is so frowned upon ???? The ones who were'nt smacked  said that they have no respect for their parents because they felt that their parents were push overs and they treated them like that. A lot of the kids who were'nt smacked also said that they would just do whatever they wanted when they were'nt home because their parents would only ground them or take away a privilage when they had found out what they had did, a few of the ones who were smacked said god we wish we were to worried that if our parents found out that we would get a smack and then we would be grounded on top of that so we did things we were'nt supposed to do but we were always looking over our shoulder to see if our parents were around. This has changed the way i parent cos i  want my children to have respect for me and authority in general.






We have a list of punishments in my house, all actions have a consequence. If they are asked by an adult to do something more than 2 times they go to the naughty chair(THIS GIVES THE ADULT A  CHANCE TO CALM DOWN) if they continue to do it after they have been put on the naughty chair(which has happened in my house more than once.lol) they then loose a toy/privilage and go to the naughty cahir again(WHICH GIVES THE ADULT A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN AGAIN) and if they continue to do it they then get grounded for 1 week and go to the naughty cahir again( WHICH GIVES THE ADULT A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN YET AGAIN) and if all of this fails then they get a smack ON THE BUTT and 2 weeks grounding because i have exhausted all other means of punishment. All of my kids who are 8,5,3 all know the way the punishment works and they all abide by it, my older 2 know that i will  smack so they take the first punishment and stop doing it, (however both have pushed me to the smack punishment) my 3 yr old has pushed to that point twice and even she will take the first punishment now and stop cause she knowes that if she does'nt listen and keeps doing what it is eventualy she will be smacked as we do follow thro on all our punishments so that our children dont walk all over us and they have consistency.






So this is how smacking can and is effective in some homes as it is used as a last resort and only when all other punishments have failed and it is also done calmly it's not done to hurt the child it's done to teach the child that there are major consequences when you dont follow the rules just like there is out there in the big bad world because well the cops dont put us on time outs they just wack us in a jail cell and we have to learn the hard way. I have read heeps of books to get were i am today as a social worker and guess what i still think that they are all written by wankers . With all of these books and parenting classes that I HAVE HAD TO DO FOR MY JOB i have taken the bits that make sense to me and i have applied them to the way that i raise my kids and well it works for my family and who know's it might work for someone elses family. I have given MY method of punishments to many of the families that i am helping and it has been effective for them to, but hey i know MY method wont work for every child or household but it has worked for mine and for a few others that have actualy tried it. I asked a few of the non smacking mothers  that i have been helping to give it a go and they were'nt sure at the time but they tried it for a month and well all of them said that they only had to actually follow thro with the smack once on each kid and they never had to smack again for the rest of the month, now all of these mothers have implemented MY method in their homes and still to this day they have only smacked their kids once because the kids have learnt to take the first punishment.






Does this now show all of you non-smackers that smacking can be done calmly and be a verry effective form of punishment and if it is done right then it will not cause any emotional, mental or phsyical damage to a child at all.





This is not an opinion but a fact - THE WORLD IS ALWAYS CHANGING. It is not worse than before you just know more because of MEDIA. Violence be it GANGS/MURDERS/DRUGS or not has always been around. The population of the world is more than in the past. More People=More Violence. Medicine is not the ONLY advantage of how the world is now.. this forum & exchange of ideas would have NEVER happened if not for advancement... CHANGE & ADVANCEMENT is NOT bad... CHILDREN should have an outlet for their ideas & their say. They deserve the rights the world has given them. It is your job as a parent to make the final judgement & teach your children how to think through their ideas and make the right choice. CHILDRENS RIGHTS IS NOT A BAD THING. CONTROLING your children is not the answer... TEACHING them to control THEMSELVES is the answer. I would rather my child UNDERSTAND why they follow what an authority figure tells them than for them to be mindlessly following what someone tells them in fear of punishment.. notice I said punishment not discipline.. I don't believe in time outs for kids either or punitive punishment.. kids need to learn SELF DISCIPLINE. It is a shame that a paid SOCIAL WORKER is teaching parents to smack their children... No -- smacking is still violence weather done calmly or not... that is a fact. It's not about that is will cause any LONG TERM emotional, metal or physical damage --- the point is if their are other ways to do it NON VIOLENTLY why resort to voilence??? AN EYE FOR AN EYE MAKES THE WHOLE WORLD BLIND - VOILENCE ONLY REINFORCES VOILENCE - REASONING & SOUND JUDGEMENT teaches your child to use reasoning & sound judgement

Kat - posted on 07/14/2009

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Honestly, I do spank when needed. But I am finding that as they get older they are learning it is ok to hit other kids when the other child has done something naughty. How do you explain to a two year old that it is ok for me to spank them but that they shouldn't do it to others? I am really rethinking if I should spank or not. And if not, than what to do instead when I have already tried time outs.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/14/2009

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I strongly disagree with spanking. I did spank my daughter on several different occasions. Needless to say I felt very guilty. I stopped the practice because I felt that I was teaching my daughter inappropriate behavior and loss of self- control on my part.

Rachel - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Lisa Marie:

TO RESPOND DIRECTLY TO RACHEL - First & foremost your parents & grandparents were raising children in a COMPLETLY different world.. Just because something worked for them does not make it right or the best way.. IF THIS WAS THE CASE we would never advance as a society- we wouldn't have computers, new medicines, new ways to communicate, women having the freedoms they have or thousands & thousands of things you enjoy every day - IF it were not for books or other forms of obtaining NEW knowledge people would not advance - ANY other task in life you seek out new methods or ways to do it but one of the MOST important tasks of your life, raising a child, you wouldn't try to ensure you were doing it the best way possible? You wouldn't take the time to read a book? - second I gave a many other reasons then just the fight or flight response .. MAINLY it is violence. Hitting is wrong. THAT is my response. You can not smack other people's kids around you can not smack other adults around where do you obtain the idea that it is ok to hit your own child? BECAUSE they are your child are you not supposed to cherish them above all others? Is it not your sole goal to ensure that they get the best of everything? ESPECIALLY the best form of discipline possible? YES 2 things can look completly different to different people & cause different effects... If you READ my posts you will see that I NEVER said to give a child a time out.. I said for the ADULT in the situation to take a time out. THE ADULT. You as the parent/caregiver need to take the time to react PROPERLY & find another way to show your child how to behave properly. Once you teach a child how to control themselves they learn. Yes - knowing YOUR child so that you can guide them correctly is the main point - guide them, not spank them - THAT is all I have said in ANY of my posts - One less kid smacked/hit/slapped/spanked One less time matters to ME - Voilence begets voilence - Understanding begets understanding - UNDERSTAND the child you are caring for and understand no child wants to be spanked or hit - parenting takes time - it takes time to learn how to respond without hitting your child, time to find out what does work best for them - if you don't take that time there is a HUGE chance no one else will


Firstly i respect the fact that it was a completely different world back in the day but it was a hell of a lot safer, there was no gang violence, no drug related murders and so on and that makes for a better world. Appart from the medical advances just about everything else has stuffed this world and will only make it worse. The problem is parents are'nt allowed to be parents anymore because CHILDREN have to much of a say about everything, instead of being told do something and you do it because an authority has told you to, we have kids that will stand their and dilibrately ignore the authority and do what they want because they know that the adult/authority figure cant and wont discipline them hard enough. They will only loose a toy or have to sit for 5 min in time out or maybe even get grounded for a few days, big deal what are they learning from any of this NOTHING!!! I have asked all the kids in the group that i work with what way their parents punished them when they were little, a few said that they would get a smack on the hand/butt and a few of them said they would have time out and a few of them said they would loose toys/privilages and get grounded, i then asked their opinions on the way their parents raised them and some of them said that they used to treat their punishments as just fun because they knew that after a time out it's over and done with and they would only say sorry to be able to move not because they ment it(their words not mine) and after the loss of a toy/privilage or grounding it was over and done with because they new that after the right amount of time they would get the toy/privilage back and most of the time their parents forgot about the groundings(again their words not mine) so they did'nt care because basically it was a very weak punishment, now for the kids who were smacked they all turned around and said that they hated their punishment NOT because a smack hurt but because they new they were in big trouble if the got a smack and it was obviously for something dangerous because they all said that once they were smacked it was explained to them and they new not to do it again and they also said that they never treated their punishments as fun cos it was'nt but the one thing they did say that has stuck in my mind was the fact that they respected their parents for the way that they punished them, however the ones that just got time out, loss of a toy/privilage or grounded had no respect for their parents cos their punishments were easy and basically taught them to lie and say sorry to get what they want.(again there words not mine) Now these kids range between 13-18 and there's only about 40 kids to this group but hey the majority of them were spanked as kids and it was only the minority that were'nt smacked so obviously we wont be getting any stats out of this but it did prove one thing to me that if these kids are 13-18 and the ones who were smacked all said that they respected their parents for it then how the hell is smacking is so frowned upon ???? The ones who were'nt smacked  said that they have no respect for their parents because they felt that their parents were push overs and they treated them like that. A lot of the kids who were'nt smacked also said that they would just do whatever they wanted when they were'nt home because their parents would only ground them or take away a privilage when they had found out what they had did, a few of the ones who were smacked said god we wish we were to worried that if our parents found out that we would get a smack and then we would be grounded on top of that so we did things we were'nt supposed to do but we were always looking over our shoulder to see if our parents were around. This has changed the way i parent cos i  want my children to have respect for me and authority in general.



We have a list of punishments in my house, all actions have a consequence. If they are asked by an adult to do something more than 2 times they go to the naughty chair(THIS GIVES THE ADULT A  CHANCE TO CALM DOWN) if they continue to do it after they have been put on the naughty chair(which has happened in my house more than once.lol) they then loose a toy/privilage and go to the naughty cahir again(WHICH GIVES THE ADULT A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN AGAIN) and if they continue to do it they then get grounded for 1 week and go to the naughty cahir again( WHICH GIVES THE ADULT A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN YET AGAIN) and if all of this fails then they get a smack ON THE BUTT and 2 weeks grounding because i have exhausted all other means of punishment. All of my kids who are 8,5,3 all know the way the punishment works and they all abide by it, my older 2 know that i will  smack so they take the first punishment and stop doing it, (however both have pushed me to the smack punishment) my 3 yr old has pushed to that point twice and even she will take the first punishment now and stop cause she knowes that if she does'nt listen and keeps doing what it is eventualy she will be smacked as we do follow thro on all our punishments so that our children dont walk all over us and they have consistency.



So this is how smacking can and is effective in some homes as it is used as a last resort and only when all other punishments have failed and it is also done calmly it's not done to hurt the child it's done to teach the child that there are major consequences when you dont follow the rules just like there is out there in the big bad world because well the cops dont put us on time outs they just wack us in a jail cell and we have to learn the hard way. I have read heeps of books to get were i am today as a social worker and guess what i still think that they are all written by wankers . With all of these books and parenting classes that I HAVE HAD TO DO FOR MY JOB i have taken the bits that make sense to me and i have applied them to the way that i raise my kids and well it works for my family and who know's it might work for someone elses family. I have given MY method of punishments to many of the families that i am helping and it has been effective for them to, but hey i know MY method wont work for every child or household but it has worked for mine and for a few others that have actualy tried it. I asked a few of the non smacking mothers  that i have been helping to give it a go and they were'nt sure at the time but they tried it for a month and well all of them said that they only had to actually follow thro with the smack once on each kid and they never had to smack again for the rest of the month, now all of these mothers have implemented MY method in their homes and still to this day they have only smacked their kids once because the kids have learnt to take the first punishment.



Does this now show all of you non-smackers that smacking can be done calmly and be a verry effective form of punishment and if it is done right then it will not cause any emotional, mental or phsyical damage to a child at all.

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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if people cant be mature enough to enter a debate without being awful about it then why bother i am not getting into this alison potter your views are absurd as i am the one saying i use non violent techniques of discipline and i would never throw my child in anger just never talk to me again.

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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i do actually use non-violent techniques with my child and this will remain so.

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2009

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All I have to say is that you can't judge somone until you have been in their shoes. All children are not the same. If spanking is not over used or mis-used, it can be effective given the right circumstance and temprement of a child.

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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so im violent am i thanks a lot i was only trying to diffuse the situation

[deleted account]

I have to wonder what the American Association of Physicians thought 30 years ago. Probably not the same I bet. Were they wrong then or are they wrong now?



I think the example Debbie gave about her brothers child is probably a bit too much for his age. Does that mean that everyone who touches a child in any way, at any age is an abuser?



I have seen people hurt their children trying to give them TIME OUT by throwing them onto their room or on the couch in anger. These very same people will probably boast that they only use "non-violent" discipline.

Debbie - posted on 07/14/2009

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I was given a parenting through age 5 book with the birth of my now 21-month old child. According to it, the American Association of Physicians now considers spanking to be child abuse. Yet some states specifically permit parents to use physical discipline. I just had this debate with my brother and sister-in-law, who slapped their just about to turn two child's hand hard and bit him after he bit them as a form of punishment. I believe this was abuse. I use time-outs, talking, no-no's and redirection with my child. My husband occasionally gently swats my child on the hand if he is doing something dangerous, like reaching towards a fan. What do you think?

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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if your child throws a paddy in a supermarket do not spank them. get on the floor and have a huge play paddy yourself. they will be so so shocked they will stop instantly

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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i do not think that people who spank children lightly for a genuine reason are child abusers they are just parents trying to do their jobs.

Sophie-maria - posted on 07/14/2009

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i think spanking children is wrong for me and the way i like to deal with children. i have a four month old child. i think that to be honest if you give children a little bit of lee way and freedom and if you get the balance in the relationship just right and if you are strong with words and with attitude you wont need to spank your child. i think spanking makes children behave worse. it did to me anyway.

[deleted account]

I definitely think it's situational. My oldest son I have had to spank a few times in his life, he's now almost 14 and I think more respectful because of it. My middle child I never had to spank. He was always a respectful and mindful child. My youngest, yea he's the handful! He's been spanked more than the others and while it doesn't happen every often, sometimes I have no choice. I will not tolerate him screaming in my face, downright defying me, being mean to other children, etc. Time out never works for him, only makes him more angry. But when I say I'm going to spank him or I do it, he bucks right up and stops. It all depends on the child but I see wayyyy too many kids nowadays that are VERY rude and do what they want. I won't allow my children to fall into that group. I will do everything in my power to make sure they grow up to functional, respectful, responsible adults. Even if it means spanking from time to time.

Melanie - posted on 07/14/2009

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Hmmm . . . it appears I need to respond though my friend did it quite well from the truth of God's Word. There is more here than just a question of spanking -- your comments are a reflection of your worldview - your view of God Himself - your personal offense towards those who love His Word. The fruit that my husband and I experience - of obeying God - literally from His Word is a lovely, quiet, peaceful home with 11 children who love their parents. It is where I am privileged to live every day of my life. I have seen more child abuse from angry, frustrated parents who completely lose their self control and damage their children with their words than from any self controlled parent who properly trains and spanks their child on the bottom. Here's another verse James 3:4-6 (New King James Version) 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.



You may have never spanked you children but have you ever destroyed them with your angry words because you were at your wits end to get them to obey you or to be respectful to others or to be kind to their sibling? My kids would rather have a hundred spankings than a screaming mother - ask yours I bet they feel the same way.



We live in a fallen world - the discipline of children is much more involved than just taking a swat at the kids when they annoy or embarrass you. It is a GREAT responsibility - it is a calling. As parents, our responsibility is to train our children - so often we expect them to know what to do when we haven't even taken the time to explain it to them. So often, we haven't lived our lives as examples of how they are to behave - and yet expect them to not be like us. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! The very foundations of our society are crumbling because parents have given their responsibility for their children's upbringing to someone else - the daycare, the schools, even the churches. The children of today are given everything they want and they are totally ignored in the same breath. I am advocating a purposeful plan for going after your child - training them, teaching them, disciplining them appropriately, talking to them, winning their heart. By God's grace, I have my children's hearts - they listen to my counsel, they ask for my advice, they are not addicted to porn or playing the clubbing scene, they are not sullen or angry, they are individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, they are trustworthy and are a delight and a blessing. Can you say that about your own?

Melanie - posted on 07/14/2009

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Hmmm . . . it appears I need to respond though my friend did it quite well from the truth of God's Word. There is more here than just a question of spanking -- your comments are a reflection of your worldview - your view of God Himself - your personal offense towards those who love His Word. The fruit that my husband and I experience - of obeying God - literally from His Word is a lovely, quiet, peaceful home with 11 children who love their parents. It is where I am privileged to live every day of my life. I have seen more child abuse from angry, frustrated parents who completely lose their self control and damage their children with their words than from any self controlled parent who properly trains and spanks their child on the bottom. Here's another verse James 3:4-6 (New King James Version) 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.



You may have never spanked you children but have you ever destroyed them with your angry words because you were at your wits end to get them to obey you or to be respectful to others or to be kind to their sibling? My kids would rather have a hundred spankings than a screaming mother - ask yours I bet they feel the same way.



We live in a fallen world - the discipline of children is much more involved than just taking a swat at the kids when they annoy or embarrass you. It is a GREAT responsibility - it is a calling. As parents, our responsibility is to train our children - so often we expect them to know what to do when we haven't even taken the time to explain it to them. So often, we haven't lived our lives as examples of how they are to behave - and yet expect them to not be like us. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! The very foundations of our society are crumbling because parents have given their responsibility for their children's upbringing to someone else - the daycare, the schools, even the churches. The children of today are given everything they want and they are totally ignored in the same breath. I am advocating a purposeful plan for going after your child - training them, teaching them, disciplining them appropriately, talking to them, winning their heart. By God's grace, I have my children's hearts - they listen to my counsel, they ask for my advice, they are not addicted to porn or playing the clubbing scene, they are not sullen or angry, they are individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, they are trustworthy and are a delight and a blessing. Can you say that about your own?

Kacee - posted on 07/14/2009

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The key to spanking is to not do it when you're mad. Don't give the child 2, 3, and 4 chances to misbehave. If you tell him once and he defies you, sit him down, tell him what he did wrong and what you expect and then give him a spanking. It doesn't have to be hard. I have just started this method of discipline and it's working wonders! My child has more respect for me, he listens and obeys better, and I am less stressed. I hug him afterwards and remind him that I love him. I used to spank after several threats and when i was angry. It just caused him to give more attitude. I also used to yell a lot more and that did no good for me or him. I make a conscious effort not to yell and stay calm. When I command him with a quiet voice, he does what I say because he knows that he will get a spanking if not. My home has been much less stressful!

Heather - posted on 07/14/2009

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I didn't spank my child because so many dummies said that it was 'abuse' or that it would 'break his spirit'. Now, my child is a spoiled brat with no respect for authority. That sucks.

Sarah - posted on 07/14/2009

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Spanking is great displine as long as used correctly. Its just like anything else that can be used and consistency is the key, like you said once your children know what is expected of them when they disobey they should have a punishment. I have a 5year old girl and a 3 year old boy and they both get spankings and they both havent had many since they know what is expected of them.



In today's time we need more parents who will stand up and say I'm not going to let my children run me, I'm in charge not my 2year old.

Sarah - posted on 07/14/2009

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Spanking is great displine as long as used correctly. Its just like anything else that can be used and consistency is the key, like you said once your children know what is expected of them when they disobey they should have a punishment. I have a 5year old girl and a 3 year old boy and they both get spankings and they both havent had many since they know what is expected of them.



In today's time we need more parents who will stand up and say I'm not going to let my children run me, I'm in charge not my 2year old.

Jenna - posted on 07/14/2009

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Shevaun,



My 8 year old also has ADD, which makes things very difficult, especially as he gets older. I don't know how many times in a day I used to have to say to him "STOP a minute, take a breath and think about what you are doing." I have also said to him that we need to go to our rooms for a while because mommy needs a time out.

Angelica - posted on 07/14/2009

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I do believe in spanking, but i also believe in a lot of love too. I think you can have a happy balance of both. I do believe that no two children are alike my son Austin only needed a few spankings when he was two years old and he is now 9 yrs old. As for my daughter Lily she is 5 and I'm still spanking her. I find my kids don't respect me like they do my husband, if he just breaths their way they stop. Spanking has been the only thing that has worked for me. Although I have friends that don't spank and I think their kids are just as balanced as mine. Different strokes for different folks!

Jenna - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Camille:
I found that the less energy you give a negative situation the better. You don't have to ignore it, you have to acknowledge it and defuse it as best you can without making it bigger then it needs to be. It works both ways. Catch your kids doing good and acknowledge it as much as you would something negative, in fact more so. It just depends on which way you want the energy to flow that's all.





I agree.  You have to acknowledge the good also.  It is so important because the self esteem you install in your child now will shape their self esteem when they NEED it later.  

Jenna - posted on 07/14/2009

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Also, I refuse to hit anything but the bottom and hand. Any other body part, IE the face, is just to degrade someone. I could not believe it when I saw a woman smack her child across the face.

Jenna - posted on 07/14/2009

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I am also a spanker. That said, I have not had a need to spank in several years. The last time was when my daughter (two years ago) ran out into a busy intersection. While I personally do not think it helps your children respect you, the threat (after it has been carried out previously) does make them stop and think, hopefully make a correct desicion.



I grew up in a spanking household and I can honestly say I DESERVED EACH AND EVERY ONE I GOT! Each time I was warned and given the opportunity to shape up or fix a problem and I ignored that opportunity, usually several times. At that point, the threat no longer works and I was spanked.



I was also a child, and I see this in my children, that time outs and taking things away die not work. Things are not that important to myself nor my children. Time out eventually stop, and I would go right back to my bad behavior. I can honestly say the threat that my father would have to spank me was enough to stop my bad behavior in it's tracks!



That said, there are rules to spanking in my household:



1.There are several warnings

2. If you warn and are ignored, YOU HAVE TO SPANK. The threat is no good if you do not do it.

3. They are sent to their room when I or my spouse are VERY angry. Hitting in anger never solved anything and can only make things worse for everyone.

4. So far, the hand is all I use, and I do not see that changing. I do not believe using a belt, switch or spoon ect, makes a spanking any better.

5. Our spanking is usually followed with a time out for everyone and a conversation when everyone is calm to discuss why it happened. I ask my child why I spanked them, how many warnings they recieved. If they can answer me, I feel that I made my point. If not, communication is definatley an issue and I make my self perfectly clear, and usually make them repeat it back.



The rest of the day is left for the child to think about what has been done. It all has to be done very calmly, quickly, and only a few swats.

[deleted account]

I feel sorry for the person who started this thread because it has decended into the nastiness that she wanted to avoid. I'm not going to post from a pro or anti spank perspective because it serves no purpose in these debates. What I will say is that people should stop making allegations of abuse.



There is a difference between discipline and abuse. Technically spanking involves putting a hand to the child. Now can you also apply the same logic to putting a breast in a babies mouth and call it sexual abuse? Of course not. That would sound absolutely absurd wouldn't it? Can't people see how rediculouse the abuse argument sounds when you look at it from a literal perspective.



None of these arguments are meant to be Pro-spank. I am just making them so that people can stop using the same repetative comments and let the original poster get some useful advice instead of judgement.

Paige - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Jade:

i think this is awful, people who hit there kids should be extreamly ashamed of their self, how can people come on here and brag about it as if there proud.



It's not HITTING!!! lol... if I were to HIT my daughter, I would leave a welt... prime example...



I spank her bottom...clothed and diapered bottom. It isn't for fun or because I think it'd be cute to watch her cry...it's a form of punishment for the most dangerous of mistakes...(i.e. running into the street/doing something that could potentially take her life) you have to look at the lesser of two evils... the evils being



1) She runs out into the street, gets hit by a car, ends up on life support and in immense pain for a long amount of time



VS.



2) She gets a spanking, is in pain for MAYBE 30 seconds, cries a little, gets her punishment of staying inside the remainder of the day but is still safe at home...



 



I'd personally chose the 2nd option for my child....



 



My ex smacked her mouth...(she "sassed" him), THAT is hitting...because she didn't deserve a punishment like that....hitting a child or spanking them for no reason or for the sheer fun of watching them flinch or squirm is something to be ashamed of....



but no...I'm not proud of spanking her, nor am I ashamed of it. I don't take joy in spanking her bottom for a severe offense, nor do I shame myself for protecting her and teaching her the dangers that are out there....

Paige - posted on 07/14/2009

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I have a simple rule....I only spank if she's doing something that would cause her more harm than the spanking itself. For example, if she starts running out to the street and does NOT listen to me when I tell her no about it, she gets a spanking. Ignoring me and playing with light sockets/pulling or climbing on the TV stand/going near the hot stove/pulling on the refridgerater door and other things that will cause her to get severly injured will result in a spanking. Everything else gets a time out appropriate for her age (1 minute for each year)...we just moved up to 2 1/2 minute time outs and they seem to be pretty effective. They've taught her the art of apology, and to learn from her mess up...it's only a mistake if you don't learn.



Sometimes tho, especially with running towards the street, I don't think spanking is enough, so on top of that, she gets a time out AND is inside for the rest of the day...which she hates...immensly...more than you'll ever know! Good discussion topic tho.

Kimberly - posted on 07/14/2009

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As a mom of three boys and 1 girl sometimes spanking is the only way to get thier attention. After you have exhausted yourself with time outs,fussing at them,and taken away the playstation what else can you do?? Some people have a huge problem with this,but I am the mom and the dad (because their dad works 15 hour days) and when enough is enough you have to whats right-maybe if people remember that it starts at home not at school.

Jade - posted on 07/14/2009

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i think this is awful, people who hit there kids should be extreamly ashamed of their self, how can people come on here and brag about it as if there proud.

Shevaun - posted on 07/14/2009

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I have three boys aged between 10 and 3. I try not to hit but I admit it I have smaked all of them. I have done two parenting courses run for free through communitiee programs, nurses. 123 Magic was great when the kids were little and toddlers but you have to be firm and make them sit in time out for one minute for every year of there age. The other course was tripple p and the one thing I took away from this was that if you are talking or thinking about your children in a negative way it is a sign that as a parent you need time out. I can't stress this enough!!! My middle son has ADHD and is very close in age to my eldest and I can honestly say I don't have the support of family or friends that are willing to take my children to get a brake. If you are feeling like you need to smack maybe its time for you to take time out for yourself and refresh. Then you will see things in a different light. Find some other strategies too it all helps and if nothing works then smack em!!!

Lisa Marie - posted on 07/13/2009

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TO RESPOND DIRECTLY TO RACHEL - First & foremost your parents & grandparents were raising children in a COMPLETLY different world.. Just because something worked for them does not make it right or the best way.. IF THIS WAS THE CASE we would never advance as a society- we wouldn't have computers, new medicines, new ways to communicate, women having the freedoms they have or thousands & thousands of things you enjoy every day - IF it were not for books or other forms of obtaining NEW knowledge people would not advance - ANY other task in life you seek out new methods or ways to do it but one of the MOST important tasks of your life, raising a child, you wouldn't try to ensure you were doing it the best way possible? You wouldn't take the time to read a book? - second I gave a many other reasons then just the fight or flight response .. MAINLY it is violence. Hitting is wrong. THAT is my response. You can not smack other people's kids around you can not smack other adults around where do you obtain the idea that it is ok to hit your own child? BECAUSE they are your child are you not supposed to cherish them above all others? Is it not your sole goal to ensure that they get the best of everything? ESPECIALLY the best form of discipline possible? YES 2 things can look completly different to different people & cause different effects... If you READ my posts you will see that I NEVER said to give a child a time out.. I said for the ADULT in the situation to take a time out. THE ADULT. You as the parent/caregiver need to take the time to react PROPERLY & find another way to show your child how to behave properly. Once you teach a child how to control themselves they learn. Yes - knowing YOUR child so that you can guide them correctly is the main point - guide them, not spank them - THAT is all I have said in ANY of my posts - One less kid smacked/hit/slapped/spanked One less time matters to ME - Voilence begets voilence - Understanding begets understanding - UNDERSTAND the child you are caring for and understand no child wants to be spanked or hit - parenting takes time - it takes time to learn how to respond without hitting your child, time to find out what does work best for them - if you don't take that time there is a HUGE chance no one else will

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