"Sperm Donor"

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I can not stand when people refer to men as this... even if he was the worst boyfriend you've ever had... or even if you are angry at him for not wanting to be with you.... or even if you left him because you don't love him anymore... the father of your child is STILL the father of your child....

I guess this pisses me off to no end because i am with one of those "sperm donors". MY SO's (significant other's) ex's mother was willing to pay my SO off for him to sign his rights off to his daughter, but he refused.. and she was willing to pay him $10,000 for us, that's a lot of money! and he refused! He wanted to be in his child's life, but not so much his ex's life... she was a complete waste of human flesh... and i completely agree with that... HE IS NOT A SPERM DONOR! but she still thinks of him as one... just because he doesn't bend to her will.

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Lacye - posted on 12/24/2012

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My husband's ex refers to my husband as a "sperm donor" despite the fact he pays child support and wants to be a part of his child's life (but she has been preventing that as much as she possibly can!). I hate the term "sperm donor". You chose to have sex with the man or douche bag or whatever. It wasn't forced on you (not literally you but you in general), you didn't go to a sperm bank to get inseminated. This was a conscious choice on your part that resulted with a child.

For the person who says, "Who is being hurt by it?" The children are. I grew up listening to my mother say these horrible things about my father and it hurt so bad to hear her say that because I am a part of him. He is my father. So instead of thinking about your hurt feelings, worry about the child's.

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012

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denikka, the thing is, that is what you hear from one side of the story is that they dropped off the side of the earth... this is not the whole story.. .but even THOSE are not sperm donors....


sperm donors are men who go and donate their sperm at a facility. that is all... nothing else! there are no other types of sperm donor... when a woman uses the term sperm donor, they are trying to negate the fact that they slept with this man

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2012

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The children get hurt by it, that's who. They care what you call their biological fathers because they share half of the genes. You don't think that hurts?

Jodi - posted on 12/19/2012

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As far as I'm concerned, unless you obtained the sperm through a sperm bank or the guy was in some way under contract to inseminate you, he is not a sperm donor, he is the man you chose to sleep with and happened to end up impregnating you. Or are you okay with him calling you "the slut I knocked up"? No, didn't think so. You voluntarily slept with him. He did not "donate" his sperm". Using it as a term to be derogatory towards a biological father you slept with is turning a term that should be a positive thing into something negative.

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012

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But you slept with him, he was you're lover/boy friend/husband, you didn't go to a sperm bank and get impregnated from a test tube... My kids father hasn't even seen our youngest (he left before I even knew I was pregnant with her... Our oldest was barely 3 months old), yet I don't consider him a sperm donor... He is my children's father... I can not pretend that he was an anonymous donor... I slept with him.

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Kelsey - posted on 03/18/2013

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I've only said "Sperm Donor" a hand full of times. Heck, I even have a post on CoM with the "Sperm Donor" in the title. It just slips from me when I'm highly upset by his stupidity. Now, before I get my head bit off for saying that; I've been fighting my ex about rear-car seat facing forward for a baby under one years old. He says that the baby can face forwards because he said so, and has no mind about breaking the law.

I am consistly reminded that I "picked" him and I know that. There's just something about, not caring for the safety of your child that ticks me off. With that said, the baby's father is only around to play house with his new girlfriend and has not paid an ounce of child support.

I try my best not to use it. It's called being the better person because there's no doubt that he's going to call me all kinds of colorful names. I'll wait for the day when my son decides what kind of person his "father" truly is.

Susan - posted on 02/23/2013

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Actually it is anyone can be a father but it takes a REAL man to be a DADDY. My ex and I split after 20 years do to his playing around. He has not seen or spoken to any of our children in 13 years...no call, email, card NOTHING. He pays CS only because it is deducted from his check. Now that the youngest is 18 he suddenly appears (in court) to have the court cease that...His reason? He believes they are emancipated..and doesn't feel they are college material....he never so much as seen the youngest get on a bus. LOSER and DEAD BEAT ..... YES DEAD BEAT is not just for those who don't pay CS but for those who choose not to foster the love of their children and see that they grow into loving caring individuals who will be able to support themselves and contribute to society in a healthy way. NOT because of him but do to the love they have received from me and my family 3 out of 4 proudly serve this country with 8 tours of war to prove it. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND....HE WILL ONE DAY BE IN NEED OF SUPPORT AND THEY WILL NOT BE THERE FOR HIM. The saddest part is the F***ing Judge doesn't even care about this...I just know I will ALWAYS continue to support them in all their endeavors.

Deanna - posted on 12/30/2012

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The people I know who call them "sperm donor" call them that because he wants nothing to do with the children. Refuses to acknowledge they are his. When they say sperm donor, they are being generous. I agree a "woman" should not call a man that just because he left her. I personally don't like the epithet, but understand where the anger comes from.

Ashley - posted on 12/28/2012

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@layce...i dont call him a sperm donor in front of my son, i dont even talk about him actually. when the time comes, i will tell him, but i will not bad mouth him. my son can make his decision based on what he see's and feel's, not on my opinions of the man. and yes, i did choose to sleep with him. i wasnt planning on getting pregnant, but we didnt do anything for it not to happen either, so it is my fault. but, at the same time, he has 2 daughters and he is a great father to them. he always wanted a boy, and i expected him to be just as great as he is with his daughter's, but he is not even in his life. that is why he is the sperm donor. im not mad at him, he gave one of the best gifts in life, so i am thankful. i am upset that when my son gets older and we tell him, he will most likely be hurt, but that is beyond my control...all i can do is be there for him and let him know how much i love him. and he has a daddy, that he loves very much, who will also be there for him.

Ashley - posted on 12/28/2012

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i agree with you on your situation...he should not be called a sperm donor because he wants to be in his child's life. but i dont agree with every other situation. i call my my youngest one's bio father a sperm donor, because that's all he has done to help out in making my beautiful son. he denied him up until he was 10 months old and he got dna results, then convinced me into moving closer to where he was living because he wanted to be in his life. the whole time i lived there, he bathed him once, and he changed his diaper maybe 3 times! when i got a job, i had to pay his sister in law to babysit, even though he did nothing but sit at her house all day long, so it pissed me off that he wouldnt even watch his own kid. then when i moved back, he hasnt called to check on him, he hasnt asked to see him, he hasnt sent a letter, a text, nothing! it's been just over a year now. he hasnt paid a penny for child support, and he hasnt bought him one thing. i dont care about the money, and now i dont even care that he isnt in his life. as soon we get our taxes this year, my husband is adopting him, he is the only father he has ever known, and he loves him like all the other kids. and my son is such a daddys boy. so yes, my son has a sperm donor who doesnt give a shit about him, and he has a daddy. if his sperm donor ever wants to have a relationship with him, we will not deny that, even after the adoption. but until that day comes, if it ever does, i consider him the sperm donor.

Sarah - posted on 12/27/2012

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I disagree. Any man who walks away from their child he stops being a father and becomes nothing more than a sperm donor. Regardless of the relationship a man has with the mother of his child if he chooses to not step up and chooses to cut off all ties with said child then he forfeits his right to the title "father." He also leaves that title up for someone else to claim.

I understand there are always different situations and scorned women may throw the term "sperm donor" around far too casually but my opinion will forever remain that "father" means more than a chromosome contribution.

My dad always has been there for me. He also raised my two half sisters from the time they were toddlers. Their "birth father" ditched them and my mom and wanted nothing to do with them, not back then and not when they got older. My mom was not a bitch about it, she did her best to leave the door open for him but he didn't care. My dad is their dad, he raised them, stood by them, financially supported them, and still stands by them even now that they're in their 30s, they took his name when they were 18, he is their father because somebody left the position open for him to take over. It would be insulting to my dad to call him anything less than their father. So what I don't get is how can the first guy be referred to as anything but a sperm donor?

Jennifer - posted on 12/27/2012

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@ Char
Yea, my now Husband is amazing with my daughter, she calls him dad and he does everything with her, she was 2 when we got together, he taught her to ride her bike and he reads to her takes her on daddy daughter dates to the movies..... any guy in the world can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a daddy! Blood or NOT

Jennifer - posted on 12/27/2012

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@ Jodi,
Maybe he does... But I was at my house all the time and paid all the bills while he went out and drank and got high every nigh, gone all night and day, never took time to spend any time at home with his "family" so... he call me some bitch he knocked up... but he begged for me to stay becuase I carried his ass the whole time we were "together" and knew his meal ticket was no longer there and he has to pay the bills and support his own ass.... and as soon as I left he used my last months rent and stayed for a month for free then bounce!
what does that say??? decent men out there do not diserve to be call any such thing... but then there are men in this world that just dont diserve any kinda of respect at all. But he went and had a baby with my 18 year old baby sitter that I had while I lived in my house, and he 38.. and you know whats hes probably gonna end up eventually not seeing that child too. since my ddaughter isnt the first child he has nothing to do with, he moved to canada becuase he left his children in the US.
I did not know this at this time... just found this out from a FB message I recieved after we seperated becuase his x was looking for him...
I know that it our own faults for getting involved with a man like this... but at the same time. you dont excpect any kinda real man to act like this!

Char - posted on 12/27/2012

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I do refer to my first son's father as his sperm donor. He saw him once, was never around and until the state made him do so never contributed to him financially. I remarried when he was 10 and my husband took him to ball games, helped him with his homework and taught him how to be a guy. This is his Dad!

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2012

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"I do have anamosity and feel like I had a sperm donor becuase he has never been around."

And he probably feels like you were just some bitch he knocked up......just sayin'.

Jennifer - posted on 12/27/2012

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I do not use this term all the time, I have maybe used it 4 times, and I was speaking with really good friend right after my daughter father and I seperated, I left him, I have no hurt feelings toward him for me leaving, What makes me mad and why I have refered to him the past as sperm donor is becuase he decided after we seperated that he wanted nothing to do with our daughter. he has never paid child support has never offered and I cant take him to court to get child support because he wokes for cash and just changes jobs or leaves for a bit until the jheat is off him. That is why I have refered to him as a spem donor becuase thats how I feel like I had a child and never had an equal partner willing to help with the reponsibitly of our actions. I love my daughter and to be honest I am very releaved that he is not in my daughters life, But you all make good points, My daughter had never heard me say that about him we dont discuss him in my house at all, she never asked about him and mentions his name EVER... so yea you know regardless of the fact that at one time I had bad judgment and slept with someone that was a dead beat... I do have anamosity and feel like I had a sperm donor becuase he has never been around.

Temi - posted on 12/24/2012

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Im sorry i cant get over the fact that someone is willing to pay him 10,000 to stay away...ummm sorry thats suspect to me.

Holly - posted on 12/24/2012

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Jodi, that's exactly what I mean, the children hear their mother calling their father this name, and that is what is do wrong about this... Grow up people! Quit calling names.

Dove - posted on 12/24/2012

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*Or are you okay with him calling you "the slut I knocked up"?

Thanks for that, Jodi. I know what I'M thinking the next time I see the term 'sperm donor' about a woman's choice in sex partners.... lol

Jennifer - posted on 12/23/2012

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To each their own. it doesnt really matter what their called. sperm donor, dead beat, low life, loser, waste of space, skin. air? are any of these better then the other..... NO. so it doesnt matter at the end of the day,No one is getting hurt by the statement... the men sure as hell arent becuase they dont give a shit... so who cares, what all us women call our x's or next men have had sex with?

S. - posted on 12/20/2012

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I don't use the tearm sperm doner, to me a sperm doner is a good person and my oldest daughter's father is not a good person. I actually try not to refare to him at all but if I have to I call him her bio father or to people that know him I just use his name.

I don't have any problem with people calling the guy that walked away or hurt her and her child something they feel strips him of his worth it's just not for me because I think even that is too good of a title.

And yes I did choose to sleep with my daughter father in fact I was with him for 6 year and engaged to be married but know one knows what goes on behind closed doors and know one can tell the future either.

Dove - posted on 12/19/2012

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A sperm donor is not a bad thing though. You are using it to imply a bad thing....

He's not a sperm donor. He's your child's biological father. Her step dad is her Daddy.

Jennifer - posted on 12/19/2012

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I refer to my daughters father as a sperm donor, and her step dad is he father...
The only reason I say this is becuase when we were together he seen his daughter when he had to meaning when he cmae home for a few mintues. he doesnt see her at all now and doesnt even try. he wants nothing to do with her, he never paid child support not once and he never offered.
at the end of the day, any guy can be dad.... but it takes a REAL MAN to be father.
If the man doesnt want anything to do with his kids, then why is it he is still giving the right to be reffered to as a FATHER, is he gets a women pregnant and then walks away scott free he nothing more then a SPERM DONOR!
what do us women say about a mother that had a baby and keeps it for a bit and then deside I cant do this and walks away from their child, mothers do it all the time as well, and everyone stops and wonders how a mother could do this to their child that they carried and had inside them, Dont mean to be blunt, but a mother that walks away from her children I dont consider a mother at all they might be a mom becuase they delived the child but there is so much more to being a MOMMY. so why give credit when credit isnt due, and saying that FATHER is still a FATHER even tho he walked away from his kids. doesnt make him a DADDY at all. just means that he gave some sperm to a women and she got the greatest gift ever.

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012

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Being gay is not a bad thing, not is being retarded (mentally handicapped)... These are not things that people should look down on. neither is being a sperm donor, your right, but if someone posted negatively about being retarded or being gay, you know that the post would be flagged and perhaps taken down... Why not if the poster posts negatively about sperm donors? It is because parental alienation is more openly accepted than gay bashing or talking negatively about the mentally handicapped... Parental alienation is a form of child abuse, yet it is so widely accepted... Its disgusting to me

Denikka - posted on 12/19/2012

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While it may be meant in an offensive way, the term itself is not offensive. A sperm donor allows for women who otherways would not be able to get pregnant to do so. At its basic level, a sperm donor is not a negative thing, it's a positive. That's probably why it's not seen as offensive.
If homosexuals were called *gay* but were an upheld portion of society, something that just about everyone viewed as a positive, vs something that many feel to be *an abomination*, *against god*, blah blah blah. If the *original* was a positive, it would probably not offend people to use it in other terms (*like that's so gay*) like it currently does.

I do agree with you. It's over used. It's used in a derogatory way. In many ways like the words *gay* or *retarded*.
Hateful words will always be thrown around. To me, *sperm donor* is one of the lesser ones we have to worry about. Especially considering that it does accurately describe a certain portion of men who contribute nothing more than genetics to their child's life. In a more physical. intimate way than an *official* sperm donor, but in essence, it's the same contribution. There are at least a few instances of women who choose a more *natural* way of using a sperm donor, but still view him in the same light, intending to raise the child alone, or with a husband or partner who is unable to provide her with a child.
The only difference is really the intention of the woman. Whether she expects the man to be involved or whether she doesn't. If she doesn't expect the man to be involved and gets pregnant purposefully, he is a sperm donor. If she does expect him to be involved, or gets pregnant accidentally, he's a dead beat (or whatever other term you want to use).

Dove - posted on 12/19/2012

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Sperm donor is someone who actually TRULY donates sperm. The men that decide to drop off the face of the earth are not sperm donors.... THEY are deadbeat creeps... of which I was married to a guy that turned into one of those. ;)

Holly - posted on 12/19/2012

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but even in the term for rapist, i have not heard someone refer to a rapist that resulted in pregnancy as a SPERM donor, they refer to them as a rapist....

to me, when someone says, "that is so gay" it offends people but not NEAR as much as calling someone a SPERM DONOR esp in one of the recent posts, that says something about "my babies sperm donor wants in his life" well apparently this "sperm donor" isn't a sperm donor? and another one where the ex is getting out of jail and wants in the baby's life, and he is being called a sperm donor.... it is getting thrown around so much that it is ridiculous... and it pisses me off... i just wish people didn't throw around hateful words so much on here... it is EXTREMELY offensive... i know if someone posted something offensive about someone being gay or retarded or black... someone would be all over it and it would be removed.... but apparently calling people sperm donor isn't offensive enough

Denikka - posted on 12/19/2012

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I can agree with you about personal responsibility.
I've felt the same as both you and Shawnn. Both people, excluding cases of rape/trickery, are responsible for birth control and anything that may result from sexual contact.

I think it's the same with many different sayings. It's used in ways that it's not intended. Just like how *gay* is used to describe a negative (*that's so gay*) instead of it's original *happy* meaning, or it's newer meaning of *homosexual*.

*Sperm donor* just refers to those who have contributed nothing more than genetic material. For some women, a man doing *nothing* is a lot different than a man who actually does -nothing-
I agree that it's over used. I agree that it's frequently used in terms that are not accurate.
That's what happens. Sayings are used in ways that were not originally intended to describe situations that may be similar.
I think what term is used to describe a person is not really the big issue. It's more the lack of taking responsibility for your own actions and trying to shove the blame over onto someone else.

Shawnn - posted on 12/19/2012

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Holly, you beat me! LOLOL

I absolutely agree with you! Sorry gals, but you slept with the guy. You made an obvious choice to have sex with this person, and you cannot absolve yourself of taking personal responsibility by calling him a sperm donor now. If you don't think that a man is responsible enough or "good" enough to be a father, then quit spreading your legs!

Ok, vent done, rant over. But, yes, I do want to go off on those people every time they do that. My hubby was treated the same as yours, Holly...so I get it!

Denikka - posted on 12/19/2012

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If he WANTS to be in his child's life and is doing everything in his ability to do so, then he would not be considered a *sperm donor*.

Those are the men who drop off the face of the earth at the first hint of pregnancy. Who deny everything to do with their bio child. Who have a string of one night stands that end up in a sting of women being pregnant by them.
Those are the guys who have to be dragged through court over and over to get a single cent of child support. And who would rather go bankrupt, or specifically choose under the table jobs to get around paying anything.
Those are the guys who end up on shows like Maury with 8 different baby mommas, denying them all.

Those are the sperm donors. Males who have donated nothing but a small bit of genetics towards the child.
Not fathers who are trying desperately to be involved in their child's lives...or who have at least accepted their responsibilities and done their best to live up to the minimum requirements.

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