Starting band/instrument in 4th grade. Should I push?

Sherri - posted on 09/09/2010

You should never push/force him to do it if he doesn't want to he will only grow up resenting you and it will push him away from music instead of to it.

Leslie - posted on 09/09/2010

Well, at band rental night, I told him I WANT him to sign up for something, but he could choose which instrument. I think he realized I didn't want to leave without him signing up, though I never used the words "have to". He chose snare drum (yikes) but hey, I can't complain, I told him he could choose. No complaints yet from him, though he's only had one session so far. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for all your input!

Jane - posted on 08/16/2010

Well, as a mom of one child in her Junior year of college who is majoring in Music Education and is on a full scholarship (I mean EVERYTHING is paid for) I say push :).

My daughter starting playing trumpet in 6th grade and is an amazing trumpet player. She also plays piano as well as trumpet and all other instruments including strings because as a teacher, she needs to be able to teach them all.

My son is in 11th grade and he followed in my daughters footsteps with regards to the trumpet and he also plays piano. While he is not as passionate as she is with his music, he still loves it but won't major in it for college.

The one thing I can almost guarantee is that your son will hang out with a bunch of kids that are into music and not into trouble. I'm a HUGE fan of music so I might be a little biased. I say push but don't make him hate it either.

When he does sign up, tell him to he can pick any instrument and tell him he only has to do it for the school year and if he doesn't like it after that, he can stop. Also, don't buy the instrument. Most music stores that work with the schools have lease to own programs. You pay a fee every month for 3 years and after that it's yours. However, if after 1 year, he's not interested, you can give it back...you don't pay anymore and they don't give you any money back. It's a great deal for beginning students.

Feel free to contact me if you want to. I'm an expert band mom :)

Leslie - posted on 08/16/2010

Those were my thoughts too, Juleah, but then I always hear that making a child play music, will make them not like it.

JuLeah - posted on 08/16/2010

I think 'making' kids take up a hobbie for a year is a good idea. They can't know they don't like it if they have never done it. He has no point of reference. Let him pick what he plays, make him practice :) and maybe he will love it. This is what Elvis's folks did :)

Anna - posted on 08/16/2010

You shouldn't push/force him to do anything. You might really want him to try band, or sports, or dance, or anything else, but if your kid doesn't have the interest in the first place, shoving the activity in his face definitely won't help him gain any. If you do want to encourage his interest in music, however, take him to some concerts or have him meet other musicians, things that might pique his curiosity more than just signing him up for the activity might. I was in band from middle school through my junior year of high school, and although I really enjoy music, I really didn't enjoy playing it. You might also try exploring your son's other interests; who knows, you might end up with a really neat hobby that he becomes passionate about.

Kathy - posted on 08/16/2010

I am the band geek Mom. Started in the 5th grade and cried when I graduated with that clarinet in my hand. I was excited when my daughter decided to give band a shot. She was the same as your son. Kind of on the fence. I made her practice an hour a night like I had to. Went to her concerts. She did good til middle school. She FAILED band! I still haven't figured how in the world she managed that! Yeah band was done. I was so disappointed that my daughter wasn't a band geek. She moved onto theater for awhile. Tried swimming. Now in high school, she into her woods class and the bowling team. She is geeked about her ceramics class this year. She has great musical taste too. I just support each little dream to that point. I recently said no to the violin-been down that road. LOL Good luck!