Stay at home mom and daycare?....

Rhonda - posted on 01/12/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom. W have two adorable kids, 5 year old boy and a 20 month old girl. I put our boy in daycare when he was younger. I would like to put our daughter in daycare to. She just gets into EVERYTHING lol. Many people think I am being selfish. My husband works at home too (stocks). Suggestions?....

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Jodi - posted on 01/12/2013

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"But for those who are able to stay at home, isn't raising the kids kind of...what you signed up for?"

I kind of don't get why you'd be a stay at home mother and then put your kids in daycare. I agree, it IS what you singed up for. 2 year olds get into everything. It's called life. It's also called part of parenting to manage that. Using that as a reason to put a child into daycare is a bit strange.

Denikka - posted on 01/12/2013

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I have 2 kids, aged almost 4 (boy) and 2yr (girl) and I'm pregnant with my third. I'm also a stay at home mom and my kids have, so far, never spent a day in daycare. They VERY rarely spend any time away from me and their dad in general.
I figure the first 5 years (before they start school) is pretty much purely parental time. Sure, hire a baby sitter once or twice a month if you want to go out with hubby. But why more than that? Your boy is already in school, or will be soon. So that only leaves a single child in the household.
If you worry about socialization, there are plenty of play groups out there that you can participate in with her.
They're only little and all yours for such a short time. I sympathize with those moms who HAVE to be away from their children during those years, due to work or whatever. But for those who are able to stay at home, isn't raising the kids kind of...what you signed up for?

I also see what Jodi is saying. It's tough finding a quality place for your kids when you have to work. When those places are being taken by women who don't really *need* them, that's just unfair. Somewhat similar to an able bodied person taking a handicap parking spot in my mind.

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Dove - posted on 01/12/2013

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Yeah, we don't have preschool (or really even daycare... except in home types) for under 3 years old where I am.

Ariana - posted on 01/12/2013

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In my area they've got the preschool age and toddler age, at least for the 2 day a week thing. I guess it'd depend on the area.

Ariana - posted on 01/12/2013

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I had just thought about it a bit more and, at least in my area, there are usually preschools that are specifically meant for kids of stay-at-home moms where it's a morning (or afternoon) program twice a week (or available 4 days a week but with overlap of what activities they do etc.). So they go Monday and Wednesday in the morning (or afternoon depending). You might be better to look at that type of program that's specifically geared to playing and socializing, and not interferring with spaces in regular daycares like Jodi said.

I don't know, I have a babysitter twice a week so I can take dance class and one day to either work at things at home or go out if possible. You definitely need time to yourself, but I personally wouldn't put a child into daycare if they didn't need to be. Under the age of 6 is an extremely important part of a childs development. I don't know how comfortable I would feel putting my child into someone elses care where they'd basically be seeing them more often than they'd see me if I didn't have to.

So for me a part-time situation or a preschool or a babysitter would be the best way to go. If you were saying you were extremely stressed out, or there were other factors that were involved I'd be more likely to say it's a good idea.

Once again though, you should do what you think is going to be best for her and for you. If you're going to feel tired and stressed out and you just aren't the type of person that wants to be with the child every day it's probably more harmful to both of you to force yourself to stay in that situation. My perspective is that it's 2 years and then she's off to school and you should utilize the time you have with her now.

Dove - posted on 01/12/2013

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I'm pretty anti-daycare unless the parents don't have a choice.

I could see 'maybe' putting her in one day a week to get some errands and appointments done, but any more than that as a stay at home mom makes no sense to me.

She's not my kid though. ;)

Jodi - posted on 01/12/2013

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Personally, given we have difficulty with limited daycare spaces here, I get pissed off at SAHMs putting their kids in daycare when working mums are struggling to get affordable childcare places. Just giving you my opinion and another perspective.

Ariana - posted on 01/12/2013

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You should do whatever is best for your family and your well-being.

I personally would try to keep a child out of daycare for as long as possible. Call me a pessimist but I don't necessarily trust all daycare workers (there are some wonderful daycare workers and some really awful ones). My friend runs her own daycare but did practicums while she was getting her Early Education Degree and some of the people she worked with (the ones in charge!) were ridiculous. Stories of certain children getting dragged around and then the parents of said child were told the child was 'acting aggressive' with the workers etc.

Like I said, maybe I worry more than others.

If you really need some time away from her maybe it'd be better to put her into a preschool type program? Something with older kids or half days or something. Or put her in part-time. It might be a bit of a shock to her to go from being with you all the time to being in a daycare everyday. You could also use the money you would spend putting her in daycare on activities you could do with her during the day, like other programs where you could be with her so you aren't stuck at home having her get into everything.

I think everyone needs their 'me' time, and having her go socialize is great, but I would limit the time she spends in daycare if you don't need her to go. These are the only years you'll be able to spend a lot of time with her in the daytime before she goes to school.

Whatever you do decide don't feel guilty. You need to do what's best for you and your family. What's best for me and my child and what's best for you and your child aren't necessarily the same.

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